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Posts by Thangnguyen315 [Suspended]
Name: Nguyen Chien Thang
Joined: Jun 16, 2019
Last Post: Apr 2, 2020
Threads: 8
Posts: 24  
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From: Viet Nam
School: HighSchool

Displayed posts: 32
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Thangnguyen315   
Apr 2, 2020
Writing Feedback / Difficulties of urban life. [5]

I think in the opening, you dont neccessaily have to mention "three remedies", and I think the transition to the third paragraph you should use a more formal wword choice
Thangnguyen315   
Apr 2, 2020
Writing Feedback / Task 1: Line graph about countries' birth rates [2]

Summarise the information by reporting the main features



The line graph illustrates changes in America and China in terms of their birth rates from 1920 to 2000.
Overall, the fertility rates of both nations decreased over the 80-year period. Although the two trends were similar in terms of a general decline, the birth rate recorded in the USA was higher than that of China most of the given time.

Between 1920 and 1935, the birth rate in America fluctuated but remained over 10%. However, this figure dropped to its lowest point in the following decade, reaching 5% in 1945. Only 5 years later, the USA's birth rate reached 15% in the year 1950, which was the highest point during the period of 80 years. Throughout the remainder of the period, the USA witnessed a gradual decline in the rate of birth, finally falling to around 7% in 2000. In comparison with America, the China's corresponding figure varied more significantly in the same amount of time. Starting at 10% in the year 1920, China's birth rate changed unstably before bottoming out at 5% in 1940. From then, the rate remained unchanged for 5 years before peaking at exactly 20% in 1950. By contrast, the following 50 years experienced a rapid decline to nearly 3 % in the end of the period.

This is my response for the given question. Hope you guys can give me feedbacks! Thank you so much !!



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Thangnguyen315   
Apr 2, 2020
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 1: Internet Users from countries as percentage of population 1999-2009 [9]

i think your writing has some mistakes in terms of grammar and the word choice. For instance, the first sentence of the overview paragraph, it would be better to write the period witnessed changes rather that to write the percentage witnessed changes. And I saw also the verb tense problem, like ' this is a more significant rise", which is actually should be in simple past tense.

That is my opinion!
Thangnguyen315   
Apr 2, 2020
Writing Feedback / Women who worked in parliament - IELTS _Writing Task 1_Line Chart [8]

I think beside some minor grammar mistakes, you should also take the word choice in to consideration. For example, the "women figure", the figure itself actually has no sex! And also the" strongest increase", which can be replaced to other better phrases, such as " the most considerable increase", "the most rapid increase", or just " rise to", I supposed.
Thangnguyen315   
Dec 23, 2019
Writing Feedback / Task 2: The problem of child abuse. How respond to this problem? [4]

Child abuse is happening everywhere. What are the consequences and solutions it ?



Today, as one of the most conspicuous displays of the degradation of human morality , the global victimization of children has made people become replete with trepidation for its pernicious effects in society. This essay is to discuss the abominable outcomes of child abuse and to propose relevant measures to address this problem.

Following ferocious acts of violence towards children- susceptible victims- are calamitous consequences. Indubitably, these inhuman doings are culpable for serious psychological and mental effects on vulnerable kids, some of which can be deep anxiety, depression, or low self-esteem. Such sequelaes not only result in severe trauma for ill-fated victims but also create turbulence in emotion that can influence their well-being negatively in the future. For example, a kid who receives child-maltreatment is likely to be obsessed with images or sounds when they confronted malicious people, which definitely distracts him from his studies and then makes him get poor academic performance, even to be absent from school; the victim would also develop an extreme sense of security, thus make it difficult to maintain any relationship. In addition, parents of such children would tend to be distrustful of outsiders, even their relatives, when such people expose to their son or daughters. More seriously, this can render unwanted misunderstands among family members, possibly ruining the already relationship.

There are, however, feasible solutions to help battle against such immoral human acts. Firstly, parents should be cognizant of the importance of equipping their children with necessary skills for self-protection as well as teaching kids to instantaneously inform adults if they witness any kind of attacks or sexual molestation towards the youth. In this way, the criminals will be less likely to make their conspiracy work and children can be safer without parents. Secondly, it is imperative for the government to impose extremely harsh punishment such as death penalties to individuals who commit the crime; this will not only make the offenders to be afraid but also help hinder the growth of child abuse. Only by taking these actions in synchronization, this pressing issue can be halted.

In conclusion, child victimization has become more popular in today's society. This evil can have deleterious impacts on children's physical and mental health, as well as creating a growing rift in family relationship. In respond to this problem, both parents and the authorities must expend concerted efforts to limit its prevalence.

This is my ielts writing task 2! Hope you will give me feedbacks! I really appreciate it!
Thank you
Thangnguyen315   
Dec 23, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2 - Staying in one place or various places? [2]

@Duy Anh
I don't know others but for me your writing is pretty smooth, thus its coherence and cohesion score would not be low. I think if you can include personal experience, your essay would be more decent! That;s my opinion

Btw, Can you check on my newest writing, too? Thanks a lot !
Thangnguyen315   
Dec 11, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - Are celebrities over-paid ? [3]

salary for entertainers



Some feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sport stars are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of jobs should be highly paid ?

Today, the ostentatious manner of many celebrities in the entertainment industry can easily appeal to the tastes of both young and old. While many people opine that these entertainers are just simply overpaid and that the money they receive is not commensurate with their talents and efforts, I totally disagree with this view. This essay will discuss why I think film stars, pop singers, or sports stars deserve their incomes and then I will describe others jobs that should also be highly paid in the society.

The main reason why I believe renowned entertainers' salaries are not exaggerated is that they have to expend assiduous efforts in exchange of their reputation. In pursuance of having the best performances, actors or athletes may need to undergo hard, even rigorous, trainings, which requires huge amount of time and energy spent. As a result, they would lose quality time for themselves as well as with their families due to their tight schedules of shooting or training, which are considered to be necessary to finally please their directors and audiences. For example, actor Christian Bale had to lose over 30 kilograms during his strict trainings in order to perfectly suite character 'patient' in the movie The Machinist before raised his weight again to 100 kilograms in the movie Batman begins. In addition, illustrious entertainers do not earn disproportionately lucrative income because audiences are people who pay money to see their performances and contribute to their high salary. If a large number of fans are willing to pay to see their favorite celebrity, it would be understandable that those famous ones will gain tremendous amount of money.

From my perspective, there are other occupations that should receive higher salary to truly reflect the dedication and efforts. Firstly, doctors should be paid more because of the importance of their work. This is because since they are those who can save people's lives and help patients escape form critical condition, giving them hope, doctors should be rewarded for their great contribution. Secondly, as their job is to educate the youth and impart knowledge upon them in their life, teachers ought to have higher income compared to other occupations. Furthermore, teaching plays a pivotal role in the development of a country by educating the young generation who in turn become the leader of the country, which makes teachers deserve a higher social standing as well as higher income.

In conclusion, I reiterate my strong belief that today entertainers are not overpaid as they have to put in hard efforts, and their works in return are totally paid by loyal audiences. Additionally, doctors and teachers are two of other types of jobs that need to earn significantly larger salaries for not only their devotion but also their role as a cornerstone of the development of a society.

This is Ielts essay in task 2 Writing. Hope to receive your feedbacks!
Thank you!
Thangnguyen315   
Aug 13, 2019
Writing Feedback / Task 2: Internet problems and needed solutions like more rigorous regulations [3]

cybercrime and addiction



The Internet has transformed the way information is shared and consumed, but it has also created problems that did not exist before. What are the most serious problems associated with the Internet? What are the best ways to solve them?

Today, it is true that Internet reverberation plays a pivotal role in the revivification of the modern world, which has considerably changed the way people access to information. Although this phenomenon has several positive ramifications, the Internet also creates unprecedented problems that plague and beleaguer people around the world. This essay will look at the most pressing ones among them and will propose solutions to alleviate these issues.

One of the main problems caused by the Internet is perhaps a recrudescence of cybercrime that takes place everywhere. This is because the number of internet users continues to grow steadily, leading to the fact that more personal properties such as electronic currency or banking information are likely to be stored online. As a result, malicious people with bottomless cupidity will try to appropriate others' fortune, thus engendering an enormous increment in cyber-criminals acts such as stealing bank accounts and network hacking. For example, online banking thefts use many techniques to gain access to victim's banking information, the most common of which is to send phishing emails. To convince victims to enter personal data, those emails will require users to fulfill information to their account suspended, thereby invading people's privacy. Another worrying problem is that users can easily become Internet addicts. Since internet has been a reservoir of alluring resources, fragile people would tend to succumb to temptation, thus negatively affecting their well-being and creating physical as well as metal illnesses.

However, there are effective measures to ameliorate these issues. Firstly, the government should impose severer punishments for individuals who commit barbaric cyber-crimes; furthermore, these ought to be applied on a massive scale to promote its efficiency. In this way, the governments not only show their preoccupation of easing the problem of cyber-crime but also encourage their citizens to have remonstrative attitude towards this issue. Secondly, people should exercise basic precautions that help protect themselves against cyber-crime such as using strong password or keeping their software updated. In terms of internet addicts, they should participate in addiction recovery program, and more importantly, they need to engage in outdoor activities that help them keep a balance life. Only by taking these steps in synchronization, problems with the Internet can properly be tackled.

In conclusion, cybercrime and addiction are two most serious threats associated with the Internet. To counter these problems, the government should have more rigorous regulations, and citizens should be trained to be cautious of online risks as well as encouraged to take part in activities to have a healthy life.

I hope to see your feedbacks!
Thank you very much
Thangnguyen315   
Aug 13, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2- global warming - cause and solution [3]

@Tienhjhjhj0201
From my perspective, you have some grammar errors in your essay. For example, should be "a huge amount of greenhouse gases"

and we cannot put a comma before "that" in the first sentence of your first body paragraph. I recommend you to rewrite something like "One of the main reasons contributed to global warming is that many factories can release a huge amount of greenhouse gases, which ..... As a result/Consequently...

Regards,
Thang
Thangnguyen315   
Aug 13, 2019
Writing Feedback / More physical education lessons in schools to control the obesity [3]

@husimplicity
I think because you firmly agree with the statement in your introduction, you should write two paragraphs with approximately same length, each of them should include one supporting idea instead of saying " not so effective" to get a high CC score

That's my opinion!

Regards
Thang
Thangnguyen315   
Jun 25, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 Essay about the problem of stress [6]

@Maria
Thank you very much for giving me such useful feedbacks! I will try to write better essay following this :D

@agungbachruddin
Thanks for giving me your opinion, i think we can write essay in a simple but effective way without using uncommon words; however, i think if those words are used in right context, it would be a bonus in your essay

That's my opinion

Regards
Thangnguyen315   
Jun 24, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 Essay about the problem of stress [6]

The Most Dangerous Toxin?



Topic: In recent years, life has become stressful than ever before more and more people are suffering from related illnesses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

These days, it is irrefutable that the proliferation of technology, as well as the fast rhythm of life, has made the world more stressful compared to the past. Concomitantly, stress is often considered to be a major problem that can have detrimental effects on human health, forcing them to suffer from severe illnesses. Personally, I completely agree with this view.

Firstly, the growing complexity of the modern world may be one of the causes for individuals' stress and depression. This is because in today's society, people have to face with a plethora of unexpected changes in their life, which may be an impediment to enjoining happiness of life. For example, the workforce has now become more competitive; people are unlikely to have one stable job, they may have to change their career several times in their life. As a result, those people may be perturbed about their own job pursuits, thus forcing themselves to be paralyzed by anxiety. Additionally, the omnipresent spectre of environmental degradation might be another stressful factor in people's lives. As many types of pollution have posed a grave threat to human's life such as air and water pollution, this can put enormous pressure on everyone on finding the way to deal with this problem. People, therefore, could have difficulty in living in such insalubrious places, which may easily make them feel stressed when struggling to live a healthy life.

Secondly, population growth would be another reason for stress-related problems. This may lead to the fact that the roads are become more crowded, which can put people to be under pressure while utilizing personal vehicles. For instance, in peak hours, many find it annoying when they have to wait several hours to just go for a short distance. As a result, complaints about congestion in rush hours may become more acrimonious; people, therefore, can be stressed out in the long run due to facing them too much. Furthermore, this could also breed the scarcity of resources, thereby resulting in the price increase of products and then adding to the pressure. Consumers, thus, will find it stressful to buy their satisfying goods. These may be huge obstacles for individuals for living their lives without tenseness, causing related issues such as depression, anxiety and heart racing.

In conclusion, it is indubitable that people's lives have become much more stressful than the past. This can be ascribed to some reasons, namely the fast-paced world and the burgeoning population growth.

Hope to see feedbacks from you guys!
Thank you very much !
Thangnguyen315   
Jun 20, 2019
Writing Feedback / Task 1 about the proportion of consumer expenditures on different categories [3]

how much people spent for different products



Topic: The table gives information about consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2002

The table provides data about the proportion of consumer expenditure on different categories in five countries in the year 2002. Overall, it is evident that people from these countries spent the highest proportion of their budget on food, drink and tobacco. In contrast, leisure/education was the category that had the lowest figure in terms of consumer spending.

As can be seen from the table, around 32% of consumers' in Turkey spending went on food/Drinks/Tobacco, which was the highest among five countries in 2002. This number was slightly higher than the figure for Ireland with the proportion of nearly 29%. Additionally, people from Sweden spending on this category constituted about 16%, which was only about half the figure for Turkey. However, in terms of clothing/footwear, Italian consumers spent 9% of their total expenditure on this category, which was much higher than that of people from other countries. Their proportion spent on this was roughly similar, only ranging from 5.5% to 7%.

Looking at this table in more detail, Turkish consumers' spending on leisure/education made up around 4.5%, which was significantly higher than the figure of others from Sweden and Italy, at 3.22% and 3.20 %, respectively. People from Spain, however, spent the lowest percentage on this category, at just under 2%.

Hope you can give me some feedbacks !
Thank you very much!




Thangnguyen315   
Jun 18, 2019
Writing Feedback / Task 1: Table about the annual expenditure of college students [5]

Topic:

The average annual expenditure of college students from three countries



The table illustrates the average annual spending of college students from three different countries in terms of total costs and different living expenses. Overall, the total expenditure of students from country A was higher than the spending of those from countries B and C. In addition, in all these three countries, students spent the highest proportion of their budget on accommodation and food.

As can be seen from the table, students from country A totally spent $5000 per year, compared with $4500 and $1500 for students in countries B and C, respectively.

Looking at the table in more detail, students from country A spending on accommodation constituted 45%, which was the highest figure compared to the proportion of 35% from country B's students and 30% of others from country C. While students from country C spent the lowest percentage of their expenditure on accommodation in comparison with other countries, they spent significantly more on food category, with 36% compared to 22% and 28% of college students from countries A and B, respectively. Furthermore, about 21% of total expenditure of learners from country C went on books, which was much higher than that of students from countries A and B, with the figure of 3% and 9%. In terms of leisure purpose, students from country B spending on this category accounted for 23%, which nearly doubled the figure for those from country C, at 12%; this was also slightly higher than the ones from country A with the figure of 22%.

Hope to see your feedbacks !
Thank you very much !



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Thangnguyen315   
Jun 18, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - DESCRIBING THE DATA FROM TABLE [3]

@Wendynguyen803
I think you should wirie your overview in another way because Overall, there was an upward trend in... may has unparralleled structure :D

Cuz upward trend and ..least pulluted are not really the same type. I think you shoul make the original one become other 2 independent sentences.

Regard

Thang
Thangnguyen315   
Jun 16, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Whether working for one or several places [2]

Dear you,
I think you should start your conclusion by using other phrases like: To conclude, In conclusion rather than In a nutshell :D since it's an idiom and may be common in spoken English

Regards,

Thang
Thangnguyen315   
Jun 16, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 Essay about the best way to tackle environmental problems [4]

the cost of fuel impact on environment



Topic: The best way to solve world's environmental problem is increase the cost of fuel. Do you agree or disagree and give your own opinion.

Protecting the environment has long played a pivotal role in achieving sustainable development of society. To combat environmental degradation, many believe that rising fuel prices is the most effective way. However, while acquiescing in the view that this may help to alleviate environmental problems, I would argue that this is far from being the best remedy and there exist other viable solutions to this thorny issue.

It is an indubitable fact that pushing up the cost of fuel may act as a catalyst for improving the environment because of positive impacts it may bring about. First of all, this might be established as one of the contributors to the reduction of vehicles' exhaust fumes into the environment .This is because this type of emission is considered to be the major culprit for air contamination; therefore, if we increased the cost of fuel on a large scale, many people who live in meager income would find it difficult to utilize their personal vehicles such as cars, motorbikes on a regular basis due to the exorbitant prices they have to pay. For this reason, the number of personal vehicles being used for transportation is likely to decrease, thus reducing the amount of toxic fumes and making the environment cleaner. However, from my perspective, it would be a fallacy to those who argue that this is the best way to fight environmental problems. In fact, besides traffic fumes, effluents from factories and intrusive light are other factors that contribute to the degradation of the environment by causing water pollution and light pollution. Therefore, increasing the energy prices may have negligible effect on adressing environmental problems, thus not resolving this issue completely.

I would also contend that there exist comprehensive measures that should be considered. Firstly, the government should introduce more stringent regulations with a view to preventing individuals from being heedless of environmental protection and warning people who harm the environment. In this way, by taking steps such as creating heavy fines for doing illegal activities, people would be galvanized into action and stop being nonchalant. For example, Singapore- a country in which wrongdoers that commit environmental crimes are severely punished by the government - has become one of the most salubrious places in the world. Secondly, it is imperative that the authorities must raise citizens' consciousness of the importance of the environment as well as the danger exists. This is because the paucity of information among people may also be the underlying cause of the procrastination to protect the environment, which can be a huge obstacle for solving this problem. Furthermore, once they clearly understand the necessity of protecting the environment, they would be willing to seriously take action. These steps, additionally, should be taken in tandem with each other in order to achieve desired result when encountering environmental issues.

In conclusion, while rising fuel prices may bring immense benefits in alleviating environmental problems, this cannot be considered as the most effective way due to the abovementioned reasons. Therefore, I believe other solutions should be taken simultaneously to address this problem, namely making strict regulations and raising people's awareness of the environment-related issues.

Dear everyone, I am a newcomer to our forum. Hope you can spend time giving me some feedbacks!
Thank you very much!
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