Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1: MIXED CHARTS ON EDUCATION IN SINGAPORE [3]

IELTS TASK 1: MIXED CHARTS

Singapore
The bar chart compares average number of years males and females attended school and the pie chart illustrates levels of education attained by adults in Singapore between 2000 and 2010. Overall, there was an increase in the number of years spent at school for both males and females, and the figure for men was higher throughout the period. Also, the level of education in Singapore increased over 10 years.

According to the bar chart, in 2000, the average number of years males attended school was around 9 years, which gradually rose to nearly 12 years in 2010. Meanwhile, females spent an average of 8 years at school in 2000. This figure remained stable until 2004 and slightly increased to reach 9 years in 2010.

As can be seen from the pie charts, in 2000, nearly one-third of Singapore's population finished high school. The figures for primary and secondary schools were almost identical (with 30% for each), compared to nearly 8% studying for a master degree. However, after 10 years, the level of education people in Singapore achieved was significantly higher, with nearly 33% pursue tertiary education, and only 2% leaving after finishing primary school.

(Word count: 190 words)

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Writing Feedback / The average number of students per class in primary and secondary schools in six regions by 2006 [3]

IELTS TASK 1: BAR CHART- AVERAGE CLASS SIZE

The bar chart gives information about the average number of students per class in primary schools and secondary schools in six regions by 2006, and compares them to the world average. Overall, it can be seen that there were more primary schools than secondary schools in the world. Also, South Korea and Japan had the highest number of both types of schools compared to the others.

According to the table, the number of primary schools in South Korea, Japan and the UK all had larger primary classes compared to the world average. The figure for South Korea reached to nearly 35 students per class, which was the most significant. By contrast, Mexico, Denmark and Iceland had the smaller primary classes compared to the world average, with around 20 students per class.

Regarding secondary schools, the figures for South Korea, Japan and Mexico were all higher to the world average, with South Korea having the largest classes (approximately 36 students per class). Meanwhile, the UK, Denmark and Iceland had smaller clases in comparison with the world average (with around 20 students per class).

Word count: 182 words

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Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1: THE NUMBER OF EMPLOYEES AND FACTORIES IN ENGLAND AND WALES [3]

the number of workers and manufacturing units located in England and Wales

The table below describes the number of employees and factories in England and Wales from 1851 to 1901.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
You should write at least 150 words.

The table illustrates the total number of male and female workers and number of manufacturing units located in England and Wales between 1851 and 1901.

Overall, the workforce plummeted during 50 years and male employees outnumbered female employees in most years. Besides, the number of factories fluctuated throughout the period given.

According to the table, the total number of employees reached the highest of 477100 employees in 1851, including 287100 male and 190000 female workers. In 1861, the workforce reduced to 291780 employees, which consisted of 160000 women and only 131780 men. The total number of workers significantly declined in the following years and reached its lowest of 61000 employees in 1901.

The number of factories witnessed an upward trend, starting with 225 factories in 1851, which continued to sharply increase until reaching a peak of 721 factories in the year 1881. It then started to show subsequent decreases before ending up with 600 factories in the last year of the period.

( 163 words )
I really appreciate your feedback.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 : PRINTED NEWSPAPERS VS. ONLINE NEWSPAPERS [2]

traditional newspapers or the new media?

Some people think that newspapers are the best way to learn news. However, others believe that they can learn news better through other media. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Newspapers have been perceived as the optimum way to approach the latest news. However, in the modern world, many people hold the view that getting updated through other media is considerably effective. Although reading traditional newspapers has some benefits, I suppose that electronic sources of news are dominant.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that newspapers' content is guaranteed since it is heavily censored through numerous stages before being broadcast in most cases. Well-trained reporters are responsible for accumulating the most reliable sources to ensure that no misleading information is provided to readers. In addition to that, professional and experienced journalists from prestigious publishers can even satisfy the demands of the most critical individuals by their academic writing styles. By reading printed newspapers, many readers can enhance their reading skills, vocabulary as well as language proficiency.

On the other hand, newer media outlets are apparently superior to conventional newspapers in many aspects. Firstly, with the development of technology, accessible and user-friendly websites have become increasingly prevalent, which enable everyone to get up-to-date information only using a personal computer or smartphone. Secondly, compared to newspapers requiring several days or weeks to be available to public, Internet users and TV watchers become aware of what is happening around the world in a matter of minutes. Finally, diversity is one of the key advantages of social media over traditional newspapers. Online newspapers offer every individual an opportunity to approach various sources of information. Therefore, spectators of modern means of media are provided with comprehensive analysis from multiple perspectives instead of one-way information.

In conclusion, while printed newspapers are advantageous to a certain extent, I firmly believe that television and technologies are better for above-mentioned reasons.
( 285 words )

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1: OVERSEAS RESIDENTS VISITING AUSTRALIA IN TWO SPECIFIC YEARS [4]

how many people visited australia in 1975 and 2005

The line graph below shows the number of annual visits to Australia by overseas residents. The table below gives information on the country of origin where the visitors came from.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.

The line graph depicts the total number of visits to Australia made by international citizens from 1975 to 2005, and the table shows information on the nationality of tourists in two specific years 1975 and 2005.

Overall, number of overseas visitors had an upward trend throughout the period given. While Chinese residents made the fewest trips to Australia, tourists coming from Japan had the superior number of visits compared to the others in both years.

According to the line graph, in the year 1975, the number of tourists visiting Australia was 10 million people, continuing to rise to approximately 15 million in the following ten years. Similarly, it drastically increased until reaching a peak of above 30 million visitors in the last year of the period.

Regarding the table, 3.2 and 12 million Japanese people toured Australia in 1975 and 2005 respectively, which accounted for the greatest number of overseas visitors. In contrast, a mere number of visitors from China was only 0.3 in 1975 and 0.8 million of people thirty years later.

( 173 words )
Number of visitors ( millions )
Country/ Year 1975 2005
South Korea 2.9 9.1
Japan 3.2 12.0
China 0.3 0.8
USA 0.4 1.1
Britain 0.9 2.9
Europe 1.1 4.5
(Sorry that I could not upload the table )

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Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 : SPENDING ON CONSUMER GOODS IN FRANCE AND THE UK- BAR CHART [2]

money spent on computers, books, cars, perfumes and cameras

The bar chart below shows the expenditure that people in two different countries spent on consumer goods in 2010.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.

The bar chart compares the amount of money (in pounds) spent on five different consumer goods by the residents of France and United Kingdom in the year 2010.

Overall, UK people spend more money on consumer goods compared to French people in the period given. The greatest amount of money was spent on cars in both countries, whereas perfume and cameras were two commodities that UK and French citizens spent the least amount of money respectively.

With regard to cars, UK people spent a total amount of 450000 pounds opposing to the French spending 400000 pounds. Likewise, the expenditure on cameras in the UK was approximately 350000 pounds, over double that of France, which was only 150000 pounds. The British expenditure on books was also superior to the French ( 400000 pounds and 300000 pounds respectively ).

In contrast, the amount of money paid out on remaining consumer goods in France was higher. Above 350000 pounds was spent on computers by French people, exceeding the British who spent exactly 350000 pounds. France went to the expense of perfume with 200000 pounds while this product accounted for nearly 150000 pounds in the UK.

Please help me with my essay. I really appreciate your help !

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Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 : Everybody should donate a fixed amount of their income to support charity [2]

fundraising?

Everybody should donate a fixed amount of their income to support charity. How far do you share this view point?

Raising funds is regarded as a valuable contribution to the society. However, it is controversial whether or not a steady amount of money should be handed out to charity. From my point of view, I strongly disagree with this opinion.

For a variety of reasons, I suspect that it would be inappropriate for everybody to fundraise. First of all, there is an overwhelming fact that each person makes different incomes. Some people make lucrative incomes from their occupations, whereas some people are living on a budget. As a matter of fact, it is without dispute that some people are not be able to give a donation of money when they are endeavoring to make ends meet.

Another drawback of this trend is that it is obviously ineffective since voluntary work is only meaningful when it derives from voluntary spirits. While the original meaning of charity is sharing with pleasure and bliss, fundraising should not be considered as a mission. Therefore, it should not be compulsory for everybody to make a contribution to charitable organizations. Furthermore, reality shows that there are a wide range of methods for people to involve themselves in charity works apart from donating money such as donating blood, participating in a charity run, selling discarded clothes and goods or even becoming an organ donor. Those are all considered to be effective and priceless contributions.

In conclusion, for above-mentioned reasons, I believe that donating a fixed amount of money should not be applied to every individual.
( 253 words )

Writing Feedback / Physically hitting students in schools is in decline, yet it should be used to improve behaviour. [3]

IELTS TASK 2 : CORPORAL PUNISHMENT

The use of corporal punishment (physically hitting students) in schools is in decline, yet it should be used to improve behaviour.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Physical discipline in schools is considered to be controversial since educational environment has a notable impact on students. While corporal punishment is gradually restricted, some people hold the view that it should be applied increasingly in schools with the purpose of modifying students' bad attitudes. In my opinion, I strongly disagree with this point of view.

Frist of all, it is worth pointing out there is overwhelming evidence that violent discipline adversely influences students. Undoubtedly, corporal punishment towards youngsters causes not only physical harm but also mental disorders in the long term. As a matter of fact, corporal punishment might become an obsession of many students over a long period of time. Moreover, reality shows that young people experiencing kinds of extreme punishment including harsh spanking and slapping in their teenage years tend to behave more aggressively in the first stages of adulthood compared to the others.

Apart from some concerns expressed above, another drawback of physical punishment is that it appears to be inefficient in the name of discipline. When teachers hit their students to punish them, it is concerning that students tend to learn to behave as a way to protect themselves from harsh punishments, but they show no signs of internalization of changing their manners. It is widely believed that the main purpose of education is instructing students to behave reasonably by pointing out that their bad behaviors should be avoided and encouraging them to make positive modifications.

In conclusion, I suspect that applying corporal punishment in schools is apparently disadvantageous to students and should be completely prohibited.