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Posts by yin
Joined: Oct 16, 2009
Last Post: Sep 22, 2011
Threads: 12
Posts: 38  


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yin   
Sep 22, 2011
Letters / 'Green building project management' Letter of request - Ask professor for his article [3]

Dear all,

All of your feedback is appreciated :)

Thanks,

Yin

===

Happy Diem Tran
National University of Singapore
37 Prince Georges' Park Residences

22 September 2011

Dr Hwang Bon-Gang
Assistant Professor
Department of Building, SDE2-03-05
School of Design and Environment
National University of Singapore
4 Architecture Drive
Singapore 117566

Dear Dr Hwang,

Seek for provision of article "Green building project management: Obstacles and solutions for sustainable development" (2010)

(Anyone has any other suggestions for this subject? I feel it not very ok :( )

I am Happy, your student at NUS Department of Project and Facilities Management. I am currently formulating a proposal for Building and Construction Authority (BCA), named "Promoting Green Building concept in Singapore by Leadership and Governance". As doing research for the proposal, I realize that in 2010 you had an article published, which is "Green building project management: obstacles and solutions for sustainable development". So appealed by the abstract which mentioned what you had studied on the topic, I did attempt to search for a full article for more readings. However, as all the websites where the article is published are paid ones; my effort seems to be futile. This letter, therefore, conveys my interest to your article and also, it is to seek for your provision of the article.

Frankly, the thesis statement of my proposal for BCA claims that government agencies need to focus on green technology and green education if they want to promote more green building projects in Singapore. However, the issue faced is due to the shortage time, I am not able to conduct interviews to related parties and owing to the lack of related supporting secondary resources such as your study; the basis of this proposal will not be strong enough to have a significant influence on BCA. In other words, the backup of your study to the proposal will enhance the prospects of persuading BCA to amend their policies, which will create a considerable impact on green building projects management. This will be for the good of the whole construction industry and the future of sustainable development.

I believe that as researchers, we always wish our studies and suggestions to take effect. As a student doing research, I also wish my constructive voice will be heard by policy makers. However, in order to achieve that result, my proposal needs to have a solid foundation in which your article plays a major role. Therefore, I would be much grateful if you could provide me with the article. This is used for the purpose of studying for this proposal only. As the proposal needs information to progress, I would appreciate if you could respond this letter within 2 weeks.

I am looking forward to your reply soon.

Thank you very much for your time.

Sincerely yours,

Happy Diem Tran (Ms.)
yin   
Oct 23, 2010
Writing Feedback / Chinese Music, Language and Literature [4]

Dear friends,

Please help me give comments on this paper. Thanks so much :)

Yin
---
Topic: Visit at least two concerts and write a report based on the concert, including the music, its performers, the audience, the instruments, the concert programme (notes etc.), the venue, your critique of it etc.

---
- This October marked my participation in two concerts: G (not so) Minor, and the concert by the Shanghai Quartet. Perhaps, this will become one of the most memorable events that happened in my student life.

- Both of the concerts were performed with Western musical instruments which are cello, piano, viola, and violin. While the "G (not so) Minor" was genuinely Western music, the concert by Shanghai Quartet had a section performing Chinese music with Western musical instrument which was so breathtaking and impressed audience so much. In this paper, both concerts will be discussed under the perspective of "musicking" (music is what people DO); some pieces that were more impressive to me would be more excessively mentioned. At the end of the day, I additionally convey in this paper some of my (quite innocent) feelings of a newbie to music and invaluable experience which I can achieve after really getting involved with music in recent days.

- Shanghai Quartet is a string quartet formed in 1983 that makes up of four members (Weigang Li and Yi-Wen Jiang play violin; Honggang Li plays viola and Nicholas Tzavaras plays cello). Shanghai Quartet is renowned for their passion in playing music, technique, and multicultural innovations. They have succeeded in passing over musical genres from traditional Chinese folk to masterpieces of Western music. On the nineteenth of this October, 2010, audience had chance to appreciate the performance of Shanghai Quartet which took place at Conservatory Concert Hall (National University of Singapore). There are four sections in the program of the event; three of which were Western music and the other was Chinese music: compositions of Yao Dance, Shepherd's Song, and Harvest Celebration. In general, the performance of Shanghai Quartet was so brilliant and totally inspired all the audience. And of all the pieces performed on that day, I was most impressed by Yao Dance although I did not know the reasons at that time. After the concert, the rhythm of the piece was still there in my memory and somehow I was in illusion with what appeared in my mind at the time I listened to the music and watched people playing it. I made effort to know more about this piece and realized that "Yao Dance" is one of the best known Chinese instrumental compositions of the second half of the twentieth century although it is now also internationally played with Western instruments. In concert by Shanghai Quartet, at the beginning of Yao dance, the violinist (viola) and cellist played first. The rhythm was rather slow, soft and peaceful at that time. The second violin now began with some smooth and expressive melodies that were so touching. However, the theme suddenly changed into being faster and rougher in the pace. But this change did not take much that time; it then turned back with the smooth rhythm as its first nature. When the composition was coming to an end, the whole quartet joined together to create the deep resonant notes, reaching and ending at the climax of the composition. When I was listening and enjoying this piece, naturally, some scenery behind the musical theme came into my mind. Those were the images of a group of people dancing together and enjoying the festival in a peaceful picture and dreamlike atmosphere with moon, stars, forests and dim lights from their lanterns. Maybe I was somehow affected by the name of the song "Yao dance". I cannot say for sure; however, I think rhythms of the piece did the most part in having an impact on my mind rather than the composition's name only. The rhythm is smooth when Yao villagers began their festival and dancing performance of beautiful girls. The pace of melodies becomes faster and tougher when more and more people participated in the performance and some men began their flirting to those nice girls. The vivid and passionate theme comes back when a romantic love story was on the glow of dawn. When that love story was in bloom is when the composition reaches the climax. Perhaps, I have been absolutely in love with those obsessing melodies of Yao dance after the concert.

- To my view, besides the nature of music itself that attracted and absorbed the audience, the ways the performers expressed their emotions in the performance as if they had been living their life in the real story also kept the audience being hook on what they were doing on the stage. One more important factor that made Yao Dance, as well as Shepherd's Song and Harvest Celebration absorptive is that these songs were mostly based on folksongs which are accessible, expressive and enjoyable for general audience.

- By enjoying this concert, I realized Chinese soul was still there in the song though it was played with various types of instruments. However, there is no deny that different instruments can bring the audience different feeling about the piece. In this case, I also searched for "Yao dance" piece that had been played with Pipa and then attempted to compare with itself when it was being played with violin, viola and cello by Shanghai Quartet. To some extent, Western musical instruments sound more harmonious and melodious, bringing the feelings of continuous pleasant while Pipa or Oriental instruments conveyed the breath of tradition. However, whether they are played by what instruments, they have conveyed and described many aspects of life and every one of any nationalities, genders or ages can understand this. It is like the fact that I am not Chinese or Western people but I can felt, somehow understood and comfortably enjoyed the song. That is the power of music, which erases all the boundaries and keeps human kinds closer and closer.

- On the day of the concert, there were not only adults, but a lot of high school students coming there as well. They occupied all the first three lines of chairs in the theatre. This attracted my curiosity and I could not stop myself from accessing and having a conversation with them when the concert finished. As known, they were all from Saint Anthony's Canossian Secondary School, kind of art school in Singapore. Although they were still young, they had experience in musical performance. When asked how they felt about this concert, they did not hesitate replying that "Great!" They also excitedly told their story beforehand when they practiced performing with guitar. It took them more than a week with just a five - minute performance while here in this concert; the performers were so great, to their view. They admired the performers so much.

- The second concert I had opportunity to join in was "G (not so) Minor" by Li Wei Qin (cellist) and Albert Tiu (pianist). The first thing that absorbed me to this concert was its name "why is it called "not so"?" Some of my friends who had experience and music background said that there must be creativity of people who arranged this composition. There are three sections in this program which included masterpieces by Beethoven, Chopin and Rachmaninov, three of the most beloved composers of all time performed from the cello repertoire.

- Of all pieces, I was most naturally attracted by Sonata for Cello and Piano in G minor, Op. 19 III Andante. I could see the mournful scenery behind the music theme. It reminded me of my painful memories in the past. Very first sounds of the cello on the meticulous pace of piano brought me back the time when my family had been in poverty and homeless twenty years ago. There were neglect and scorn from relative and friends while there were no basic needs satisfied at that time. The ways Li Wei Qin performed was so breathtaking and the way Albert Tiu accompanied the cellist was astonishing. The moment when the accord became more and more jarring in the middle of the piece is also the time when I was brought back to the most miserable memory. Perhaps, not only music that played the major part in influencing my mind, but the way Li Wei Qin and Albert Tiu, especially Li Wei Qin expressed so vehement feelings also had an impact on my thoughts as well. I could even see his frowning, and smiling when performing the piece. It was his passion that spread over the theatre, which kept the audience speechless and amazing. When the performance had been done, both the performers and audience kept silent for a while and then the theatre burst into endless applause.

- Maybe Sonata for Cello and Piano in G minor, Op. 19 III Andante was an exception to me when all the feelings and imaginary could naturally and easily approach my memories like that. Frankly speaking, I used to encounter difficulties in listening to Western symphony. I could not feel, be confused by so complicated compositions, or even distracted when listening to music and doing other things at the same time. However, it was different while I listened to Asian music, like Vietnamese or Chinese music. In this case, it was easier for me to be accessible to Yao Dance rather than other compositions in "G (not so) minor" concert.

- This can be attributed to the culture in which I was born and grown up. Actually, I seldom listened to Western symphony by an orchestra in my daily life when I was a child until recently; instead, I often (both consciously and unconsciously) listened to Asian folksongs. Asian music and Chinese music in particular naturally connects with my memories and almost all things that I used to, so it is easier to build up a story or imagine and understand what behind the music. Once we can understand or really get involved in something, we can be more accessible to it. Therefore, I believe that it can be always possible for a "newbie to Western music" like me to truly be familiar with, understand, enjoy and perform music although it takes time to do so. Music herself does welcome people who consciously or unconsciously approach her magnetic beauty.

- Frankly confessing, this was the first time I had ever been to a concert. That was also the reason why I mentioned that these concerts, especially Yao Dance and Sonata for Cello and Piano in G minor, Op. 19 III Andante, would become my most memorable events in my student life. In my opinion, the best value I can achieve after all is my appreciation for music. Beforehand, whether I liked a piece or a song or not much depended on the rhythm of the songs and how my feeling was at that time: happy or sad, peaceful or nervous. I never cared about other factors that contributed to a piece, like whether it was played by what instruments, how people played it, what content the song or the piece conveyed behind, when, where and why people created such compositions and so on. After a period of time seriously examined and enjoyed such pieces of music, now, I can better gain my understanding about music and acknowledge that "it is not that simple to understand music as the way normal people often say". In addition, what I can achieve after all is the perspective that music has no borders, or even breaks the limit. Whether people like or are familiar with this kind of music or not much depends on themselves: their cultural background, experience, etc. not because of the limit of music in conveying ideas. More than that, music can keep people closer and heal the pain. Truthfully, I haven't listened to Yao Dance or Andante before, but when I listened to them, I could somehow envision what were happening there in the music. They reminded me of past memories, but then used their nature of smoothness to heal every pain inside.

- Thank to this paper, I had chance and motivation to be more accessible to music. As I have mentioned before, appreciation for music and better understanding of music are the most invaluable accomplishments that I can achieve after all.
yin   
Feb 10, 2010
Undergraduate / diligence and determination:What qualities or unique characteristics you possess [5]

In my opinion, this cannot be considered an essay because it has almost no intro, body, conclusion which are clearly separated.
you mention you two unique characteristics: diligence and determination. I suggest that you write at least 2 paragraphs for the body, one of which will say some more details about "diligent" and the other mention "determined" at length. You should try referring to many others essays for application into colleges in the books or on the internet.

To my view, your essay is too simple for an admission essay. Maybe, this will not lead to success.
In addition, you didn't mention the limit of the words or characters here. :-?
yin   
Feb 6, 2010
Undergraduate / making large amounts of money or being satisfied to earn a comfortable living [5]

You have problems with spelling. You should revise it before you post it here for other people to give feedbacks.

You may have troubles when using structures. I tried but I couldn't understand some of your sentences.

Basically, your ideas are good, however, you didn't make good use of/satisfy the functions of the intro & conclusion.

What is the topic of the essay, pls? :|

yin   
Jan 27, 2010
Writing Feedback / 'bedroom is essential' Toefl essay: The most important room in your house [4]

There are many rooms in a house, and each of them has its own function. You can consider living room to beas the most important room because you're hospitable. Or,or you can consider kitchen to beas that one because it's the place your family gathered together eating and chatting. But, in my opinion, bedroom is indispensible, for 3three/some following reasons.

Firstly, bedroom is the place where I can relax after all day working /a hardworking day . Nowadays , life is getting more and more busybusier . That causes a new century disease called stress or tired state.You will fellfeel unbalanced , find it difficultydifficult in solving proplem. Sometimes, you can even nearly go mad , lose your mind/lost your control . So that,Therefore, a peaceful place, a warm room, with a comfortable bed seems to be ideal to make you less tired.

Secondly, you can't call somewhereit your house if it's not the place where you sleep every night.
You can go out for eating, so it is able to notnot to have a kitchen.

You can suggest your friends, your guest meeting in a cafeteria, a restaurant so it is able to not have a living room.

>>> you can celebrate your friends or your guests at a cafeteria or a restaurant. This means it is unnecessary to have a living room.

But you can't sleep outside or other's house. So that,Therefore, a house can't lack a bedroom.

Finally, bedroom is your private space. You can show your personality. You decorate the room in the way you want. a Bedroom can say something about your characteristics , your likinghobbies , your age... For example, If you're a romantic oneperson , your room can be painted pink, with some pictures on the wall and even there'sare some flowers. If you like scienticsscience , there might be a book shelve, a computer, a terrestrial globe... If you like music, you could stick some pictures of some music bands on the wall. There might be a radio, some music instrumental as well .

In conclusion, bedroom is essential because it is the place where you relax, where youand comfortably express your character characteristics/personalities. I always take good care of my bedroom because I consider it the most important room in my house.

Note:You often make mistakes in using "so that" and "therefore". You use "therefore" when you need to draw a conclusion about some problem. On the other hand, you need to use "so that" when you want to mention your purposes. E.g, I kiss him so that he will remember me forever. :D
yin   
Jan 26, 2010
Undergraduate / Explanation for my poor performance in my high school. [3]

What do you want to mention? Your poor performance in your high school? Your determination to have a place in a university? the process you have passed to have your position today?

Your 2 paragraphs make me confused because I cannot recognize what you want to focus on.

If the topic is about your poor performance in high school, you should give more details about this problem. E.g.
-Reasons
-Was there anyone by your side when you encountered difficulties?
-Your solutions.
-How could you get access to your solutions?
-THe lessons you earned from this stuff and how can they help you in your career and your future?

Also, you should have an intro for your essay to indicate your thesis. From then on, you just concentrate on make this thesis clearer. yEp, an intro with some paragraphs and a conclusion.
yin   
Jan 16, 2010
Writing Feedback / [TOEFL]Governments should spend much money on exploring outer space? [2]

Here is my essay. I'm going to take the exam. Please help me comment on it.
Thanks so much.

Some people think governments should spend as much money as possible on exploring outer space (e.g traveling to the moon and to other planets). Other people disagree and think governments should spend this money on our basic needs on Earth. Which of these two opinions do you agree with? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

basic needs vs outer space?



There is no doubt that many people think that governments should spend much money on exploring outer space because they may think that in the future, the earth will not be a good place for human beings to live due to more and more serious environmental problems and the increase in population. In my opinion, this is merely a seemingly sensible idea. In deed, I believe that governments should spend this amount of money on people's basic needs on Earth. There are many reasons.

First of all, instead of spending a great deal of money on something we are not sure such as finding a new planet outside the earth to live or traveling to the moon, investing that amount of money in the basic needs such as food and clothes for the poor turns out to be a more effective way because it helps improve living standard of the earth's citizen. Once people's lives are not guaranteed, or their daily meals are not satisfied, all governments' policies turn to be ruined. In my country, Viet Nam, I'm very proud of my government because they always care about the basic needs of people. Investment in education and healthcare is the government's priority. Therefore, in my country, although people are still poor, they always live with happiness and optimism. The government has succeeded in building the confidence of citizens, which encourages them to try their best to develop our country more and more.

Second, there are still many problems in the earth that need money to solve, especially environmental issues. Therefore, the fact that governments spend lots of money to find something vague outside the earth is unnecessary. In deed, nowadays, our environment has seriously polluted. Day and night, we drink contaminated water, we breathe polluted air with full of dust and dirty smoke. Companies continuously emit pollutants into the rivers and surely this real situation will be non - stop because of profits. The only solution is that there is interest of governments in these problems. Governments' investment in environmental technology instead of exploring outer spaces will guarantee the rights of producers and the sustainability of our environment.

In conclusion, I advocate the idea that governments should spend lots of money on basic needs on earth instead of studying outer space. The two main reasons I have given is that for one thing, this helps improve living standard of global citizens, for another thing, there are environmental issues that urgently need solving on earth. I believe that by this way, the governments can establish confidence of citizens to them and this world will become a better place to live.
yin   
Jan 16, 2010
Writing Feedback / toefl essay - Human is a threat to an another human [6]

I find that your essay somehow vague and doesn't focus on the requirements of the topic:

Some people believe that the earth is being harmed (damaged) by human activity. Others feel that human activity makes the earth a better place to live. What is your opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

In this essay, you should make comparison between two points of view: why earth is being harmed/improved by human.
In addition, you have to explain some more how it is harmed rather than mention too much how these consequences affect your life or other people's life.

Your strength in this essay is that you gave a lot of examples, which easily satisfy the needs of toefl essay models. But, these example should focus on the right points.

Overall, it's OK.
Good luck ^^
yin   
Jan 16, 2010
Writing Feedback / TOEFL "Playing game is fun when you win?" [5]

In my point of view, the latter group's idea due to some significant reasons which will be discussed in this essay. Playing game is an effective activity for encouragement. Playing game creates important learning conditions.
yin   
Jan 16, 2010
Writing Feedback / education at schools is necessary for all people, not just excellent students [3]

This is my essay. Please help me by letting your feedbacks here. Thank you so much.

Some people believe that a college or university education should be available to all students. Others believe that higher education should be available only to good students. Discuss these views. Which view do you agree with? Explain why?

Education is an essential part of human's life when our society has more and more developed. Especially, education at universities and colleges has played an important role when new era of technological advancement appears. However, there are still some people who believe that a college or university education should be able to only to good students. On the contrary, I advocate the idea that a college or university education should be available to all students. There are many reasons.

First, education at colleges or universities is necessary for all people, not just excellent students because the main purpose of education especially college or university education is to provide learners with knowledge and skills to adapt to the developing world. Imagine there were only good students joining in universities or colleges, this would lead to the serious lack of workforce in the future. This is easy to understand because only good students are trained and equipped with specialized knowledge, however, the large number of other people isn't. That is the first reason why education is for everyone, not good students only.

Second, another purpose of many colleges or universities to maintain their curriculum is to make profits to partly submit it to the State budget. This type of profits from universities has contributed a lot to the State budget. Therefore, it is apparently sensible and necessary. If only good students were able to join in universities, many problems would arise. In order to make this clearer, let's imagine the situation in which there were lots of good students without money to pursue higher education while there were a great number of people with good conditions but they weren't allowed to study more. Universities couldn't make money; State budget would be affected; needs were not satisfied. All turns out to be disadvantage. Therefore, there shouldn't be any limit for those who want to pursue higher education.

In conclusion, I always support the idea that education, especially education at colleges and universities should be available for people, not just good students only because I believe that the noblest purpose of education is to train and equip learners with necessary knowledge and skills. This means that there is no boundary among people who want to pursue higher education. Moreover, this is also meaningful and important because it has relationships with profits of universities, rights of learners and the State budget as I have mentioned.
yin   
Jan 15, 2010
Writing Feedback / [TOEFL]I dont agree that businesses should do anything they can to make a profit! [6]

This is my essay. Please help me by letting your feedbacks.
Thank you so much.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Businesses should do anything they can to make a profit.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.


The conflict of emotion and reasons is always serious and has become the most difficult ï to ï solve problem. In business, it appears more and more violent. In fact, many people support the ideas that businesses should do anything to make a profit. That sounds sensible because the nature of businesses is to create profit. However, I disagree with this point of view. I personally think that besides profit, businesses should also care about other important issues that directly affect human beings' life, such as business ethics and environmental sustainability.

To begin with, people who do business also have to care about ethic problems besides making money. That is responsibility of businesses or corporate towards communities, consumers, employees, etc. to create a better environment for human to live and develop. In all cases, it seems to conflict with making profits therefore people often leave it behind although it's very important. For example, when a company wants to increase it profit in recession period, it can fire lots of employees at the same time regardless of how long they have attached with the company or how well they have performed in their duties. It doesn't care about how these workers can manage for their daily meals or even their fate. This can be considered to be inhuman. Therefore, in addition to aim at profits, businesses also have to take other factors into consideration, especially ethic ones.

Moreover, businesses also have to take environmental factors into account. This means that when doing business to satisfy the present's needs, people have to assure that their business will not compromise the future's needs and resources. In fact, when lured by profits, many businesses will not care about any other problems. The conflict between money and environmental issues is always violent. For example, in my country, people often burn a lot of coconut shells to create a type of coal, which is called "coconut coal". By selling this kind of products, they can earn a lot of money. Although they know that the process of burning these shells can emit a great amount of extremely toxic smoke which can damage their habitat and health, they won't stop because this brings them profits. For that reason, I think that besides making money, businesses should also care about environmental issues to protect themselves and human beings.

In conclusion, I advocate the point of view that when making profits, businesses should also take many factors into account, such as ethics and environment. By this way, businesses will have a sustainable development and positive impacts on the community and human beings.
yin   
Jan 7, 2010
Writing Feedback / Toefl essay Advertising can tell you a lot about a country [4]

You have problems in using collocations. Maybe what you wrote isn't wrong, but it sounds very strange and unnatural.
As far as I know, Toefl writing concentrates on how you develop your essay, how you use grammar, structure, vocabularies, ...Therefore, I think you have no need to write very long essay, instead, try to write short but using concise words and grammar. My advice is to write well, try to read more.

Hope that it helps.
Cheers ^^

yin   
Jan 6, 2010
Writing Feedback / "Terrorism is not new." - can sb help me edit this analytical writing piece? [5]

Globalization has taken its own tolls. Everything being a click away to gazillions of information on the internet(I can't understand what you mean) , people can simply take advantage of the luxury and indifference of the services provided. The information range is wide and extends from the very basic to the most crucial of subjects. Just like the way I can " google" anything that my subtle mind wants to, others may be able to derive a whole lot of information about crucial topics which may include terrorism and/or even bomb making. Hence, the ease of terrorizing the conformist populace right from a bed or any other place through an internet access is simply so convenient and tempting for some people with wrong intentions.

---------------------------------------------------------------------- --
In my own view, the topic you gave doesn't exactly mention its requirements: Ask us To prove that it's right/wrong or to give our opinions about the statement or something else????

Your writing skill is good with few mistakes in grammar or spelling. I can find that your main purpose is to focus on "cyber terrorism" and rarely do I find your own point of view in this essay (at both intro and conclusion). Whether it's because of the topic or because of your mistakes?

That's my ideas. Hope that it helps. ^^
yin   
Jan 5, 2010
Writing Feedback / The overpopulation leads many serious problems [4]

Dear friend,
I just focus on some of your specific mistakes on grammar and spelling.
In general, you should pay attention to the way you use "the", relative clause with "which", order of a normal verb and its adverbs.

About the structure of the essay, in my own view, your introduction is quite simple and lacks attraction. Plus, I think you should keep using "secondly" ... rather than "Another remarkable problem is" because you have used "firstly" before. In addition, the way you mention some possible solutions is rather direct and simple "I think a possible...". You should invest more in this.

I just have some ideas. Hope it helps.
Cheers,
yin

yin   
Dec 14, 2009
Undergraduate / [Application essay]Dream to study abroad ... [10]

Thank you so much Jonathan Hsu and Rebecca L.
Maybe I should focus on one specific issue that lead me to the decision why choosing to study biz.
I wanna ask a question (maybe it's rather silly) that how can i estimate the number of characters?
When using MS Word, I just know to use tools to count the words. :|
yin   
Dec 13, 2009
Undergraduate / [Application essay]Dream to study abroad ... [10]

Is there any comment? :(
Please help me!!!It's urgent!!!
Deadline comes near but I have no companions beside except for those in this forum.
this is the 1st time I write this kind of essay so I am very confused it is ok or not.
So, pls help me...
Thanks so much!!!
yin   
Dec 13, 2009
Undergraduate / [Application essay]Dream to study abroad ... [10]

Dear friends,
Please help me by letting your feedbacks, your experience and even your criticism on my first essay to apply for a university in Singapore.
Many thanks,
yin.

This section is an opportunity for you to elaborate on the information you have provided earlier. You may wish to discuss a special talent, a personal experience or an activity that you have been involved in that is of relevance to the course that you are applying for at the university.

As there is only limited space (2000 characters), you are encouraged to present your ideas in focused and thoughtful manner.


I still clearly remember the lyrics of the song "What will be, will be" with peaceful melodies.

"When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother what will I be.
Will I be pretty, will I be rich.
Here's what she said to me.
Que sera, sera.
Whatever will be, will be.
The future's not ours, to see
Que sera, sera
What will be, will be"

In truth, this is my most favorite song. However, I do not believe in the fact that "the future's not ours, to see; what will be, will be". If I believed in the so called "fate", there wouldn't be my passion to make my dream of studying overseas come true like this at the moment.

The way that leads me to studying business is rather tough and incidental. Especially, when I have a determination to make my dream of becoming a successful and globally influential businesswoman come true, it turns out to be more difficult to pursue. However, nothing's impossible!

I used to think that I would become a teacher not a businesswoman. I was born in a traditional family. My parents were teachers. I was deeply impacted by their thoughts. However, I changed my mind in the end. I chose Foreign Trade University, a university major in economics. Perhaps, I had rather pragmatic thoughts at that time. My biggest dream is to travel around the globe. If I became a teacher with average salary for teachers in Vietnam, would I make my dream come true? In addition, I wanted to challenge. FTU is one of the universities whose benchmark is the highest in my nation. I was nervous when applying for FTU because I had spent my high school's years at a small town without good conditions like students from big cities. Plus, I was not sure I had talent in the field of economics. I just had a wish to change the traditional path of my family. But after one year study at FTU, now, I'm confident to say that I can go further on the way conquering economic knowledge.

During the past year, I took part in many social activities. Frankly, I used to think that my main purpose to join extra activities was to make my achievements more colorful. Now, after years doing such activities, I regret there were such vile thoughts in my mind. I joined in SIFE team of FTU to conduct projects to help the poor and disabled. As a project leader of the project solving the environmental issues in Ben Tre province, I experienced lots of precious lessons from practical life, one of which was "To be a successful businessman, at first, you must learn how to give and how to live" I can feel that deeply in my heart there is love for the citizens living in the environment seriously polluted by the smoke from coconut coal.

I want to study abroad partly due to this reason. By this way, I can get the most updated knowledge from foreign countries to help my citizens. And of all universities considered, I choose NUS because I know that NUS can give me the best environment to make my dream come true. Conquering NUS is the first step of the plan for my future. Therefore, regardless of how far the way to NUS is, I will go till the end.
yin   
Nov 18, 2009
Writing Feedback / [TOEFL]Tidal Power_Integrated task. [3]

Dear friends,
Pls help me by giving your feedbacks for this writing part.
Tks so much.
Cheers,
yin ^__^

Both the reading and the lecture mention tidal power. While the passage points out lots of advantages of tidal power, the speaker casts doubt on this idea by giving evidences about the flaws of this kind of power.

First, the professor claims that tidal power can never supply enough energy to produce electricity that can satisfy the total needs of people. However, in some specific cases, it can satisfy the demand for energy at local level. This refutes the point of view made in the material that nowadays, technology is available to convert tidal power into electricity power, which can be a substitute for fossil fuel some day. In the other words, it can serve the vast demand for energy of human beings.

Second, in the lecture, the speaker stands on the side that tidal power and the process of converting it into electricity energy may have a negative effect on the environment. Particularly, this will change the quality of water, which can lead to more serious impacts such as changing the local wildlife or even destroying the current creatures. More seriously, this can lead to the decline of the local economy because people who live with fishing career now cannot navigate to the sea any more. All these things seem to cast doubt on the claims made in the reading which backs up the view that tidal power has much positive influence on the environment such as providing renewable, environmental - friendly source of power for human beings
yin   
Nov 6, 2009
Writing Feedback / [TOEFL]Rewards and Productivity [7]

@Poojasugandhi: thank you so much Poojasugandhi. When I took the real test, I got rather bad scores. Maybe I didn't paraphrase as you said above. Thank you.

@EF_Kevin: Thank you so much.
usage a set of two dashes is rather strange to me. Frankly, this is the first time I have known this one :|. Is it right if we use it to make our sentence clearer when we have reduced the relative clauses? And I wonder when we can you it and when we cannot?

Pls help me with some of my confusions.
Thank you so much.
Best regards.
^__^
yin   
Nov 6, 2009
Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] 'unforgettable time' - Childhood is the happiest time of people's life [4]

@orlando: thank you so much. your feedback is very useful to me. To answer your question, in my native language, people often end up an essay with a question. Maybe I do this with a habit. But I wonder whether it's natural or not =.=

@poojasugandhi: Thank you so much. I appreciate your help very much.
Thank you ^__^
yin   
Nov 6, 2009
Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] 'unforgettable time' - Childhood is the happiest time of people's life [4]

Do you agree or disagree with the statement "Childhood is the happiest time of people's life"?

Everyone has their own childhood with tons of remembrance to look back whenever they have difficulties in life. There is a statement that "Childhood is the happiest time of a person's life". Regardless of sadness, failure, and even misery happening in the past, I am sure that childhood is the happiest time of my life. I absolutely agree with the statement above. Here are some reasons.

First, when still a child, we don't have to concern about everything happening in our daily life, such as money, job, success, ambition, or many things like that. All our daily meals are sufficiently supplied by parents and relatives. What we are required is to sleep, eat and study. Time of childhood is the same as time we spend in heaven. The more we grow up, the more we regret and make a wish to come back to the time we were still children who are always happy and have no worry and defense to this tough but interesting life. In my case, I always keep memory of my childhood deep in my heart. I always recall it to console myself whenever I have obstacles in my life because in that remembrance, there are my family, my parents, and my siblings.

Second, being a child we can have a lot of friends with innocent soul and heartfelt affection. When we grow up, we have to go to work. And naturally, we have a lot of colleagues who always in competitive position to struggle for their ambition regardless of safety of other people. At that time, we often think of the days when we were young, we had lots of friends who were very kind - hearted and always eager to help and protect us. No one can deny that it was the happiest time in their lives.

In conclusion, childhood is the time unforgettable in life of each person in the world. Not only because of the life of without worries, concerns can we enjoy, but because of our closed friends, family, relatives do we love as well. And we cannot deny that there is something when the more people grow up, the more they can never possess it again. Do you agree with me? Let's share your points of view.

Pls help me by commenting on it.
Thank you guys so much.
Best regards,
yin

yin   
Nov 6, 2009
Writing Feedback / [TOEFL]Rewards and Productivity [7]

Dear friends,
I have just finished my piece of writing but having no one to help me comment it.
Hope that you guys can help me
Thanks so much.
Best regards,
yin.

Both the reading and the listening mention the relationship between rewards and productivity in business management. While the reading claims that rewarding employees by compensation or incentives can create positive affect which boost the productivity, the listening cast doubts on this point of view by asserting that this method to increasing efficiency of workers can turn out to be counterproductive.

First, in the lecture, the professor stands on the side of the fact that there are many people who don't prefer this form of rewarding. In their opinion, this way is a camouflage for a kind of punish. The more they are desirably rewarded, the more they have to work harder to deserve this. Therefore, the professor concludes that workers don't expect to get more reward as people have assumed. This point of view clearly challenges the point made in the reading that reward makes a positive influence on the employees by giving them motivation to devote themselves to the current job. This plays an important role in increasing company's productivity.

Second, in the listening, the professor also points out an amazing fact that rewards may affect the relationship between workers and their supervisors. In fact, when a worker is put under the pressure of rewards, he may not dare to ask his investigator for more information he is still confused because he will be afraid that his supervisor will have negative impression towards him. This refutes the fact stated in the reading that rewards always force people in motion and create the most positive influence.
yin   
Oct 30, 2009
Writing Feedback / [TOEFL]Parents are the best teachers? Yes, they know their children better [2]

Dear my friends,
Plz help me to correct any mistakes.
I very appreciate your help.
Thanks in advance.^__^
yin.


Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Parents are the best teachers.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.


No one can deny the importance of education in the development of a person. There are many factors that affect the process perfecting personalities of a child, one of which is the role of his parents. Somebody has said that "Parents are the best teachers". To my point of view, I agree with this statement for two following reasons.

First, parents are very first people that have connection with their children. Many statistics have proved that children who enjoy their parents' affection are more intelligent and creative than those lacking parents' caress and emotion. What parents do silently but strongly influent their children's behaviors and habits. In my case, my parents have tendency to live peacefully with everybody. Therefore, my sister and I also tend to get along well with other people. In other words, we don't like to live in a competitive environment with other people. In brief, because parents have a significant effect on their children, children are happy if they have good parents, who are regarded as the first and the best teachers.

Second, children often obey their parents rather than their teachers at school. Because they spend two third of their time staying together with their parents, they tend to consider what their parents say always the truth. That is also the reason why there are customs and culture of family which hard to do differently. Although children may have many chance to have relationships with their teachers and their peers, it is not enough to fight against what they have been affected by their family, especially their parents. We are now familiar with the scenario that some violent parents who lose their control go to their children's school to make complaints about the teacher under the observation of many children. We sadly wonder where the true value of teachers is nowadays. That is only the negative side of an issue. There is no doubt that if children have good parents, this will be the luckiest gift that God gave him.

In conclusion, people may have another option whether to agree or disagree with the idea that "parents are the best teachers". To my point of view, I absolutely agree with this opinion because I believe that the time the children stay with their parents and the closest relationship between them are the most important factors that is not easily to possess strongly influent the development in children's personalities. In other words, parents play the most important role in educating children.
yin   
Oct 30, 2009
Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Reasons to attend university or college; 'higher hierarchy in society' [6]

Dear friends,
Plz help me to correct any mistakes.
Thanks so much in advance :)


People attend college or university for many reasons (for example, new experience, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

The development of economic market in the world has led to lots of changes in human life which include the advancement of education. Demands for gaining knowledge and endeavors to approach higher status in society and many other reasons have forced more and more people to attend college or university. In my own opinion, nowadays, people tend to participate in university or college because of two main following reasons.

First, people have a tendency to attend colleges or universities because they want to increase their academic knowledge that effectively serve their career. Plus, this is considered the fastest way to reach the goal of the majority of people. In addition, one of the most important functions of universities and colleges is to equip students with necessary skills to be well done when pursuing their lives' dreams. For example, you will have a chance to get to know many specialized subjects such as Econometrics, Accounting Theory, Economic Laws, and so on if you are major in Business Management. This will provide you with background knowledge which helps you a lot in the future.

Second, attending college and university to get certificates is also the main purpose of some people. We can not deny that certificates play an important role in one's life if he wants to take promotion in his company or get a higher salary. For instance, compared with a normal blue - collar employees, those who have qualification have higher status and are more respectful than the others in the same company. As a result, all people who have enough good conditions decide to attend university and college. This also result in the problem that parents and relatives always have live up to their children to successfully fight for a chance at university, which has become an urgent problem in modern life nowadays.

In conclusion, modern life has provided people with more opportunities to acquire better knowledge and chance to improve their education. Attendance in university and college is a chance like such. It helps people to stay up to date with information and approach higher hierarchy in society. There may be many other reasons for a person to decide to join in a university, and those are my points of views. How about yours?

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