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Posts by kayyao
Joined: Oct 17, 2009
Last Post: May 8, 2010
Threads: 6
Posts: 20  

From: China

Displayed posts: 26
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kayyao   
May 5, 2010
Essays / Argument essay on homosexaul adoption [7]

homosexuals should be permitted to adopt children. Yet many children are raised by rapists and murderers, why can't homosexuals adopt children? In many states in the US, people forbid homosexuals to adopt children and some only forbid male gays to adopt.
kayyao   
May 3, 2010
Writing Feedback / "A simple life" - intro to my essay [5]

A simple Life has a different meanings and a different values for everyone. For me, it means to make life less complicated and stressful . Following the two basic steps can help you to simplify your life.Firstly,figure out what is most important to you, lessen the value of everything else. This means that to do what we love we have to disregard certain things, to be left with the things we value. It is not an easy process to simplify , but it could be accomplished . You have to reduce what stresses you in your life while still being able to maintain the activities that are important to you. You can simplify your life by living within your means, clear clutter and cut out any negative relationships.

Good Luck!
kayyao   
May 3, 2010
Writing Feedback / Does advancement of Technology cause Pollution? [3]

Thanks in advance!!!
Prompt: is new technology threatening our environment?

Technology is Pollution

The progress of the human race often comes with an immense cost. Progress basically results in pollution and exploitation of the earth which supports its inhabitants along with its limited resources. Since the advent of the industrial revolution introduction of new technology aimed to ameliorate our living condition. Moreover, the arrival of new technologies actually have accelerated the contamination and exhaustion of the system.

New technologies and pollution caused by it is a threat to our environment. People's judgment over any novelty is often narrow-sighted and only focuses on the short-term profits it would bring, Instead of enumerating what effect pollution will have on our future life. It's only until recently that the devastating effects of nuclear power and plastic have been made public and later, alarmed people who are still living in the bell jar of technological utopia. The hazardous waste of nuclear power and plastic products are undegradeable. They last forever and break into smaller fragments which break the food chain and harms the ecosystem. Worse yet, the massive waste from plastics and nuclear technology produce dangerous toxins which poison not only animals but also human beings who depend on animals for their food, amisdt animals are source of energy and part of their food chain.

The manufacturing and maintaining of new technologies exhaust natural resources. People's unrestricted consumption of gasoline is leading to its destined extinction. Scientists assumed that oils on our planet will be all used up in fifty years, and it will take hundreds of thousands of years to wait for future organisms to degrade, petrify and eventually reform into petrol. However, for the time being, new technologies such as transportation vehicles are still progressing which signifies depletion of our oil reserves. In an other field, for example, nuclear power, which is supposed to be an alternative energy source, takes infinite gallons of water to utilize its generation for cooling use. In the contrary, other renewable resources such as solar energy and wind power procure almost no exhaust of other resources.

To sum up, the advancing of technology is a threat to the environment. Although new technology can make our work earlier to some extent, when not comprehensively foreseen, the future of the human race will suffer in a famine of natural resources that are essential to life, and the severe instability of the ecosystem.

Technology is pollution.
kayyao   
May 3, 2010
Undergraduate / "I work harder for me and only me" - Michigan State University [19]

I think you should consider changing your intro a bit, especially your first sentence. Although your overall point is clear and positive, saying that you're sick to try any harder clearly isn't a very optimistic attitude. Think about how your readers are gonna think about you; those are admission officers who want to know you from your essay.

It's a pretty good essay over all, I really like the part where your wrote how parents react to your report card;D very true, my parents often do the same.

Good luck on your aaplication, I wonder why you're applying so late; are yo applying for the spring semester?
kayyao   
May 3, 2010
Writing Feedback / Classification essay: Foreign trade university students [5]

essay 2: priciple: major/faculty

I am a second-year student at Foreign Trade University. People have diversed views towards students with different majors.The majors are international economic, business administration, and banking and finance. Therefore, we can follow the main faculty to sort my school's students here into three groups.

The first group consists of students who study international economics. We can say that This is the strongest and largest faculty in FTU with a large force student account for nearly half of students in schools, and the highest point input.(??) Therefore, prospective students who wish to pursue a degree in this major are harder to be admitted.In Addition to, , number of graduated students who majored in int'l economicoften have good job opportunities are large attract a large number of students' choice., and thus, atracted a great number of students.

The next group is made up of students who study business administration. Although these students' point input(what do you mean?) is not as high as international economic students', they are very hardworking and prove that they are not inferior(maybe not the right word, remind me of slaves) to anyone. Especially, they are renowned as the first dynamism in school, and MC Hoang Dung(a person?) is a typical example one of its successful graduate.

The last group is composed of students who study banking and finance. Even though this is a new major, the banking and finance students are dilligent and active memebers on campus (a bit redundant here). These students' point input is also high(??) , and they become one of the biggest faculties in my university.(didn't you say the int'l economic is the most prominent in your college?)

To sum up, no matter what you are studying , as long as you love it and take it to heart(??, run-on sentence).
Wish you to all achieve your desired academic results.(why don't you be casual and just say good luck or best wishes to you all? My suggestion)

Good Luck buddy;D
kayyao   
May 2, 2010
Writing Feedback / "Why people attend to universities or colleges" - Toefl IBT [3]

Hi, good luck on your test!!
Generally, people from all nations strive to attend universities. Each individual who wants to attend college has his own reason to do so . I want to make an argument that there many different reasons. For example, better career oportunities , new friends, and enjoy college life and so on are few of benifits people gain from pursuing a college degree.

Firstly, the main reason to attend college is to prepare for career.
kayyao   
Jan 3, 2010
Undergraduate / My Common App main Essay - Unsolved mystery of my life [5]

Great one!!
I really like how you talked about being chased by birds in your dream. It made me laugh.
I think you should write more about what you did to analyse your dream. Is there any research you did on the subject? From this, they will know how prepared you are for college.

Good Luck>
kayyao   
Jan 3, 2010
Writing Feedback / Journal. Why do people hurt each other. [4]

Please help me with my journal. Any comment, correction, or criticism is greatly appreciated.
topic: Why do people hurt each other?
The complexity of human race shapes us to have diversified characters. However, no matter what characters we possess, we all hurt each others one way or the other. Nevertheless, people hurt others due to impulse and sudden inability to compromise, while some people do so for pleasure.

People often regret upon the spontaneous harm they did to others beforehand. The urge to fight against others' aggressiveness is just as strong as being angry. In addition, both of the two sensations are hard to control. Therefore, after we hurt others, others will hurt us in return. This is a non-stop malicious cycle that leads to nowhere. Only people who are sophisticated and mature enough are aware of the importance of compromise. Without concession, our world will be in chaos, and forbearance will lead to harmony.

Indeed, there are people who obtain pleasure from others misery. By imposing pain to others, they feel good about themselves; or in a more morbid case, some people even experience a sense of pleasure when they torture others. I still remember a character names "No Name" from Giorgio Faletti's novel "Lo Uccido" ("I Kill"); he is a typical psycho who tortures people for pleasure. Although the victims of his prey all experienced inhumane physical torments before their death, he actually takes enjoyment from watching them being in the state of extreme agony. These people inflict pain on others because their minds are twisted and aberrant.

Ultimately, we all inevitably get hurt and hurt others. Some people hurt each other because they are impulsive and unable to compromise, while others inflict pain on others for pleasure.
kayyao   
Dec 30, 2009
Writing Feedback / Innuendo in "Ode to Billy Joe". Check my grammar! [3]

Topic: Discuss about the use of innuendo in "Ode to Billy Joe".
Please help!!!! My English sucks. Any comment, correction or criticism is greatly appreciated!
Innuendo
In the song "Ode to Billy Joe", Bobbie Gentry's seemingly harmonious and casual household talk turns into an intriguing love tragedy after deciphering the innuendos by reading between the lines and detecting for hidden meanings.

By reading through the lines, the ages of characters can be debunked. The speaker's brother recalls when "he and Billy Joe put a frog down [the speaker's] back"; the typical big brothers bullying little sister scenario. Apparently, the speaker's brother is a friend of Billy Joe at the time, thus, they are similar in age. Furthermore, since the speaker's brother "married Becky Thompson" and his "mama [does not] seem to want to do much of anything" a year after Billy Joe's suicidal, they should be about twenty-five to thirty-five of age; the speaker, being the younger sister, should be merely a teenager, when people are still considered "child" by parents.

The speaker indeed have intimate relationship with Billy Joe. She has been seen talking to him "after church [a] Sunday night", and "throwing something" off the bridge with Billy Joe. I assume that they has had sexual relationship at some point. Nevertheless, it is destined to be an infeasible match due to father's antagonism toward Billy and their vast difference in age. Fearing to be castigated and degraded for their illicit relationship, they planned to "[throw] [their unexpected child] off the Tallahatchie Bridge". Moreover, since people tend to lose their appetite after giving birth, the speaker "haven't touch a single bite" of the pie that her mother has been "cooking all morning". Eventually, the guilt from killing his own child triggered Billy Joe to terminate his sympathetic life; causing the speaker to "spend a lot of time picking flowers" and "drop them into the muddy water" off the bridge in order to commemorate and cherish the time with Billy Joe.

Ultimately, through analysing the lyrics, the superficial dinner-time gossip about a young man's death is actually a sorrowful love story which leave audience with unsolved enigmas after decoding its indirect remarks in the song.
kayyao   
Dec 1, 2009
Undergraduate / "I have become obsessed with music" - UC Prompt #2 [3]

here are some changes to look into> hope it will help~~
become successful
one in a million
as healthy as
foods? food maybe
ridicule? you will need a noun
well I think you will need a teacher to proofread your essay first. you have a lot to do with your verb tense. I am ESL too.

good luck!!!
kayyao   
Nov 29, 2009
Undergraduate / "Sunflower" significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken... [4]

Plz help. I am applying to Miami Oxford stern. My English is really really terrible. Any reply is greatly appreciated!!!!
--Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

Sunflower extends its neck and twigs. Although they are somehow slender and deformed, sunflower scrapes its fingernails deep into the earth and straightens its face to the sun. It grows in thorns, but by the end of summer, you will see it flourish with the fruitation of maturity.

...
kayyao   
Oct 31, 2009
Undergraduate / "Surviving from Depression" UF prompt [3]

Please help~~my grammar suck! any feedback is greatly appreciated.

please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community.

Student Depression



"Kay, Kay, you hear me? I said turn to the index. What's wrong with you?"
"... ... .. .. "
I rushed out of the classroom, tears was running uncontrollably out of my eyes, leaving my classmates and teacher completely astonished .
With no warning, my life turned into an unprecedential disaster. The "hyperactive and diligent me" was lost in the midst of a stormy ocean, gloomy, fatigued, and depressed. In grade 9, I could not help to skip school; I slept until I could no even feel myself, and pathetically, had shown zero interest in former hobbies, academic study, friends, or anything. On school days, I remembered how I stared at my chapter test paper for 75 minutes, wrote down nothing, and drove my Physics teacher insane. I felt worthless, in order to release my anger, at some point I started to cut my arm and after every cut I poured salt on the it so that it would give a transient "pleasure". If it was not that one of the infected wounds almost killed me, I might still be indulging in my metabolous world.

I decided that I had to change. After some psychological counseling, it was elucidated that what made me miserable was called a Major Depressive Disorder. So desperate I was, I began doing research upon my problem in order to find a cure. Although it is hard to pull out from a depression and even harder to accomplish with no exterior help, I believed that determination would make everything possible. Indeed, there were days I felt so bad that suicidal thoughts kept coming forth. I could not stop, since I had no choice, but to pursue a normal life. Luckily, I overcame all the obstacles and through a session of studies, I refound myself though an episode of relaxation therapy and self-encouragement, and most importantly, I was fascinated by the complexity of psychology and dedicated myself to studying it.

This year, I have taken Psychology 12 as a supplement course, but my thirst to psychology is far not contented by just three classes a week. In an effort to learn psychology better, I even read books associate with psychology during lunchtime.

Since I know what it feels like to ensure a psychological disorder, I have never stopped dreaming about being a successful psychiatrist and help people with such problems out of misery. I'd like to devote myself wholly for psychology. University of Florida meant to me not only superior education, but also a maturation process for me to acquired the capacity and confidence to succeed in my career.
kayyao   
Oct 30, 2009
Undergraduate / "English Corner" Extracurricular Activity UIUC-prompt [4]

I am an international student and my grammar is terrible.Sugestions,comments and critiques are welcome Please help!! thank you~
also, i need to cut about 20 words out I have no idea

ESSAY #2: In an essay of 300 words or less, choose one extracurricular activity, work experience or community service project from the list you provided on the application and explain why you initially chose it, why you continued with it, and how you benefited from it.

After struggling with English for six years, I realized that I could not even speak. Thus, I decided to immerse myself in a thoroughly English-speaking atmosphere like English Corner, as a good countermeasure for all the year I spent speaking Chinese. In grade 10, I was selected to be the leader of the school English Corner.

At first, I felt uncomfortable at making conversation in such occasions, serious yet informal. What always happened was that, everyone seated around a chat-table, eyes staring at me and mouths shut, then I felt compelled to break the ice. Operating became much easier as I gained more experience. In order to appease everyone's uneasy mood, topics that I started with were always as affable as how to negotiate with a tough-going teacher, and sometimes I even helped to proofread their Social Study essays. With some encouragement and practice, almost all members were able to speak coherently, and later, their teachers were amazed at their significant improvements. Most importantly, I found enthusiasm towards my job. In order to recruit more people, I surveyed people's views and ideas about English Corner, devoted my self-study time to making advertising posters, browsed on topics and games on weekend that I thought would be intriguing. In that time, more and more people were willing to participate, and with our club slogan " We Will English You", our participants turned every corner surrounds them into a "English Corner". I realized English Corner was not simply a place for people to have casual talks but a place where I found a different aspect of myself after putting in passion and effort in which I was blissful and energetic by helping others.