EF_Susan
Nov 17, 2009
Writing Feedback / Comparative Essay for ENG 1100... subject: Depression [3]
This essay is very well written! It does seem to end rather abruptly. You can fix this by combining the last two sentences, which will also look better than having 'function normally' written twice so close together.
Depression is different from regular sadness in that it can lasts for months or even years.
Depression is a disease that affects ...
Serotonin is one of three major neurotransmitters, and is responsible for processing endorphins that cause stress. I made these two short sentences into one which flowed better.
Many depressed people may overindulge in fatty, unhealthy foods, while others may refuse to eat all together.
Dopamine, another neurotransmitter affected by MAO levels,...Watch out for spelling, as affect and effect are easily mixed up.
This essay is very well written! It does seem to end rather abruptly. You can fix this by combining the last two sentences, which will also look better than having 'function normally' written twice so close together.
Depression is different from regular sadness in that it can last
Depression is a disease that affects ...
Serotonin is one of three major neurotransmitters, and is responsible for processing endorphins that cause stress. I made these two short sentences into one which flowed better.
Many depressed people may overindulge in fatty, unhealthy foods, while others may refuse to eat all together.
Dopamine, another neurotransmitter affected by MAO levels,...Watch out for spelling, as affect and effect are easily mixed up.