Undergraduate / Game + Golden Advertisement + Curriculum - Notre Dame [12]

1. The Grotto is a cherished destination on Notre Dame's campus, a space that invites students and visitors to pray and take time for reflection. Do you have a place that you seek out, and what do you contemplate there?

The sound of pounding feet, ragged breathing, hammering hearts, and balls whistling through the air remind me that I am home. Green clay and the distinctive sounds of an ongoing tennis match are my solace, providing me with an arena to vent my clouded thoughts. My opponent serves. "Don't miss the ball" my mind shrieks at me. I am running. "How will traffic be on the way home?" The ball bounces. Pop. My racquet connects with the ball, sending the it and my mind soaring into another stream of conscience. "I wonder how I did on that AP Statistics test today." Slice. "What will I eat for dinner?" Lob. "Why does Macbeth slaughter Macduff?" Forty. "Why do people say one thing then do the opposite?" Deuce. "I wonder what new features Apple will incorporate in the Iphone 5?" Advantage. Another serve, another return, another thought reverberates through my mind. I am done contemplating for today, my head is clear, and I am completely relaxed. Game.

I like how you let the reader into this comfort zone of yours. It is personal but i don't feel intrusive. Great job.

2. What is one small detail in the world that you notice and wish others did, too?
This is quite long so and it is only supposed to be around 150 words so can someone help me shorten it please.

After the previews have begun, I make my way into the crowded movie theatre, a slushy in one hand, and a small bag of popcorn in the other. Battling through the mass of legs to the only vacant seat, I finally get situated. Believing the hard part is over, I go to place my drink in the cup holder only to realize they are both taken. Now I have two options, holding my drink for the next one hundred minutes or asking one of the strangers next to me to switch cup holders. Just as I go to ask, I wonder, which arm rest is mine? Being right handed, I would assume that the right arm rest is mine, but that logic fails if the person next to me is left handed. Should I look to the end of the row to see what arm rest they have chosen? All of these are valid questions that one would think unnecessary in an industry that makes over ten billion dollars a year, and yet, I may be stuck holding my slushy for the next one hundred minutes. I wonder if after the "turn off your cell phone" warning and the "silence is golden" advertisement, if they should also add an answer to which arm rest belongs to whom.

Kind of stuck and don't know what to talk about. Should I say more about the course and what it would entail or say why I should be the instructor? Any ideas would be appreciated.

Thanks for reading my essays. If you comment and leave ideas I will return the favor.

Undergraduate / (pre- med and study abroad + An Explorer) - Boston [12]

If you read mine I will read yours.

Short Essay: In five or six sentences, tell us how you first became interested in BU and what steps you have taken to learn more about us.

Pushing through the endless sea of teenagers at the Westminster College Fair, I stumbled upon Boston University. At the time, I was merely a junior and I didn't know where I wanted to go for college or even what subject field I wanted to major in, but I did know that I wanted to be in Boston. With that in mind, I shyly introduced myself to the BU representative, and asked for some basic information about what BU had to offer. She informed me that it was acceptable to be undecided and that I had two years to decide a major once I started at BU. After the college fair, my curiosity towards BU continued to grow. I became a frequent visitor of the schools website, I attended college meetings at my school, and I confidently introduced to the BU representative at the college fair my senior year. After much research, 1,108 miles from home, with over 18,000 undergrads, more than 250 programs of study and excellent pre- med and study abroad programs, my major might still be undecided, but my college choice is definite.

Essay #1: Given what you know about Boston University, what do you hope to accomplish as an undergraduate here? Please respond in an essay of no more than 500 words.

425 words
I have always considered myself an explorer of sorts, even as a toddler, I wanted to see and experience everything around me; consequently, most of my explorations ended with me being lost. While my navigational skills have greatly improved since then, my passion for exploration continues.

As I embark on my college journey, my curiosity of the world around me continues to grow and will only be farther enthralled at BU. I look forward to exploring the Boston area, as well as all the BU campus has to offer. As a member of the Boston University community, I could familiarize myself with the city of Boston and see where my exploration takes me. With a student body that hails from all fifty states and many countries represented at BU, I would be afforded with diversity in learning, as well as, the diversity of the student body. I would be able to explore my love of learning, while stepping out of my usual comfort zone to learn about other cultures first hand, from those that have grown up experiencing that culture every day. With BU's study abroad programs, I would be able to further my exploration of foreign countries and languages, while still receiving the excellent education that BU has to offer. At BU, I know that I can accomplish anything and everything no matter how great or minuscule.

At BU, I could attend a Boston Red Sox or a Celtics game. I could try my hand at a number of options for undergraduate research. I could participate in a Boston Tea party reenactment and see where the events took place. I could join any number of organizations, from the Quidditch Team to the skateboard club. I could join an organization with opposing viewpoints, just so that I could understand and maybe even find some truth in the opposite opinion. At BU I could use my autonomy and start my own organization (the Black Med Student Society) or I could go from being undecided to double majoring. I could pick up a minor in a language or in women's studies, while still finding the time to successfully graduate in four years.

Of the many things I would like to accomplish during my four years as an undergraduate, the experience would not be the same if not at BU. Wherever my explorations should take me, whether around Boston or studying abroad in another country, I will always remember my binoculars and follow the trail I left behind, so that I can find my way home to BU.

Be Harsh I need these to be as good as possible. Feedback is appreciated.

Undergraduate / Rochester Short essay 150 words edit [10]

Meliora: 'Ever better' - The University's motto, Meliora, directs our focus toward continual improvement through research, understanding, and collaborative efforts. Offer and example from your personal experience of an obstacle you faced or a problem you identified. Describe the actions you took and the result.

Dos. Ever since I was born, my life revolved around things in twos: two sisters, two parents, two cars, but sometimes it became difficult to separate myself from those twos, especially as a twin. Being the same height, same size and having the same hair style as my twin, I had to work to differentiate us as two different people, instead of an item. In middle school, I decided to change my wardrobe, my hair color, and my hobbies; however, in my futile attempt to set us apart, I only brought us closer. We developed the same group of friends, and I slowly began to realize that there would always be similarities between us. It took me branching out, and becoming someone I was not, to realize that although my life has always been in twos, I will always be my own person. Uno.

If you think I should add something or take something out or you don't think it follows the prompt please let me know. I still have some words I can add so changes can be made easily.

Thank you

Undergraduate / "returning to my life of academia" - Rochester curriculum 150 words [26]

The Rochester Curriculum - University of Rochester students enroll with no required subjects as they design their own college path. Write about the subjects and learning situations that interest you most, and how you intend to use your autonomy here.

"Wake up Amanda, it's 8:30, we are going to be late for class" I yell on the way out the dorm. Winding my way through the corridors, I race across the quad to make it to my first class, Beginning American Sign Language I at 9 o' clock. Dismissed at 9:50, I make a quick stop at Starbucks before I am off to study Cell & Molecular Foundations. With my morning classes complete, I settle in for lunch at The...

After edits:

Science and math have always been my favorite subjects, due to their anomalies and their ability to explain every concept known to man. A Rochester education would allow me to explore my passion in these subjects as well as grant me access to renowned educators, the latest technological advances, and a plethora of research opportunities. With an optional free fifth year, I could fully experience all that U of R has to offer academically across each school. At Rochester, I could witness the world's most powerful fusion laser in action or volunteer my time at the university hospital. The world is my playing field at Rochester, and I look forward to learning, envisioning and exploring all subjects of academia.

I don't think it really fits the prompt but I am open to ideas/ improvements. Should I scrap this essay and start over? Also it's too long I need to cut like 30- 40 words.

Thank you