Writing Feedback / TOEFL: An effective leader tries to make others feel they are part of the decision-making process. [4]


Great sentences!


What do you mean by the bold part. It seems that the idea is inappropriate in the context.

However, if employees think the task is none of their businesses, or even against their will basically, their efforts will deceasebe wasted undoubtedly.

Undergraduate / automobile enthusiast from childhood; SOP for masters in motorsports engineering [2]

My college life was a mix of different experiences .

Automobile as my specialization was added to my pleasure

And,(Don't start you sentence by writing "and") . In addition,(you better use a transitional device to add ideas) my participation in projects like BAJA SAEINDIA , a group competition where teams of undergraduate students are asked to design and build a single-seater off-road vehicle and then test the endurance of the vehicle through various performance metrics ( you don't have to use parentheses to describe what BAJA SAEINDIA is) . The experience of beingas in-charge of Transmission and Manufacturing sub-teams had provided me an excellent opportunity to apply my classroom knowledge in practical, like for example, how to determine the performance parameters of a vehicle by using vehicle dynamics concepts.

My involvement in such projects had also helped to me grab accolades like Technology Innovation Award for successful implementation of "Variable Ratio Brake Pedal" in our baja vehicle.

The advantage of which is that our vehicle gets an improved braking efficiency as well as driver gets less aggressive feeling during panic braking

The pleasure of myMy passion to learningresearch was augmented by the continuous support and special encouragement fromof my professors for my interest in learning and research, which helped me to execute my Final year project on "Self Inflating Tire System" under the guidance of Prof. Gaurav Saxena.

Writing Feedback / "Another First Date" - my narrative essay [2]

I am in the bathroom getting ready for, yet another "first date."
At this point, I do not have first date jitters. If online dating has given me anything, it is more on confidence.
Online dating has become a sort (-)(delete the dash) of adventure to me.
Logging on to see my new "matches" adds a little fun to themy day.
When I initially started online dating, I did online datingso because I believed that it may be better than traditional dating in terms of getting to know someone better.

He was one of the first men that I met online and one of the men that(redundant) changed my enthusiasm for dating.
We first started talking online and we got to get to know each other online through e-mails and phone calls.

Essays / BTEC Engineering Essay (My idol my Inspiration) [6]

When it comes to the telecoms industry he isseems like a god, the all mighty , the one personwhom you can go to when you need immediate solution for your problem .and ask that question that no one can figure out or explain, that problem that you just cant get your head around and know that you can rely on him for a solution.

It is the time and dedication he has given the industry that allows him to take thisa good position withinin thea company and affords him a lot of tea breaks.

Writing Feedback / IELTS 2: CONSIDERING DISADVANTAGES OF TOURISM [6]

Developing places as a getaway for tourists

Natural resources isare being depleted in expense to building accommodations for the tourists.

Investors have learned that such kind of place attracts not only the locals but the foreignspeople as well. A s a result, they start developing islands with white sand by cutting trees to pave way for establishments that will entertain visitors.

In addition, the increasing rate of pollution is also a disadvantage of tourism.

In my country, there was once a secluded place that was known for having an abundance of sea creaturesaquatic species( more appropriate)

In my own country, places that hashave been developed as a tourist spot hashave increased prices for gasoline and other basic needs.

Some of the locals are not happy about the increased cost of living, which they say, only adds burden to their simple way of life.

Good luck :)

Essays / BTEC Engineering Essay (My idol my Inspiration) [6]

Almost everyone has thatan inspirational person involved in their life. I am no different, I too have that one person who really inspired me to be the best I can,thereas if his career choice had a massive effect on what I wanted to do when I came of age.

Writing Feedback / Schools should teach skills? What about values? The purpose of education. [4]

Write first the main TOPIC.
I think you better change the structure of your essay. Remove the use of "numbers" to enumerate your ideas.Although they somehow are used to show chronology, the use of "firstly, "secondly", etc are enough for that.


Don't introduce your topic through this way.

Writing Feedback / CAUSES OF LOW PASS RATE OF PROFICIENCY EXAM [4]

Passing proficiency is too difficult for those starting as beginners .
The n umber of native teachers isn't enough for a university whose education language is English.


Alth ough

I just suggest you to mention the main causes in the intro, and then expound them in the next paras by giving examples. It is very important to point out what your topic is all about in the very start,so we will know what we will expect from it.

Good luck:)

Writing Feedback / Topic: If i had 3 days to live; 'hypnosis for memory' [5]


I changed it to achieve conciseness (on my bare feet--barefooted) and parallelism (to chase -- to enjoy).

Writing Feedback / International aid is a must but also it is required to operate in the right way [4]

So it cannot be denied that the assistance to the poor nation is good for them too and furthermore, when the people of poor nations would be capable and perfect then, they could move on the way of development, of course, whole the universe could be benefited. Let's revise this:

So, it is evident that good assistance for the poor nation like helping its people would be of great way to achieve favorable development responsive to the global demands.

Writing Feedback / Topic: If i had 3 days to live; 'hypnosis for memory' [5]

I would run along the boulevard on my bare feetbarefooted just to chase a white butterfly and at the same time to enjoying the decoration of dirt and mud on my soles.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Problems and solutions for regional unbalance? [14]

While the commercial dynamism in urban areas contributes largely to the domestic budget...
the country may also suffer from chaotic situations,
It is the responsibility of the government to assure money-making centres are( no need to put "are") distributed equally everywhere, if they want to reduce these problems.

Other than those corrections above, you have presented your essay very well :)

Undergraduate / To Stay Sane, Stay Busy (COMMON APP ESSAY- CONTENT) [2]

For myselfme , the shouting and constant challenges that arise are what make working at the[BUSINESS] the most blissful and content place that can be-business .

At a very young age, I was taught to embrace challenges and to not let them faze you as an individual.

I wholeheartedly followed that mentality, however, I became over joyous when embarking on these challenges, for they offered me a chance to improve my skill on a particular activity while learning more about myself and my limits, which the [BUSINESS]business embodied brilliantly.

I want to leave as soon as possible as the crowd dies down around 1pm.

To be able to leave, you have to dedicate and push yourself and push yourself to work quickly, efficiently and unitedly . in unison with those around you .

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 : government involvement in people life syle [4]

Sticking "No Smoking" campaign in public area, for instance, is one of the accepted regulations made by government which has already reachedgained positive feedback from its civilization.

This is particularly beneficial to eradicate the high rate of victimsbecause ofwith smoking related-diseases .

In terms of dressing ethic code...

Graduate / SOP - MS in Software Engineering - Spring 2015 [3]

As he explained to me how to browse through the folders and use internet, I became extremel y curious to know how these applications worked. Sometimes,it's good to insert intensifier to make your emotion realistic :)

In 10th STD my computer Science teacher introduced me to the C programming language to me and said that it could be used for developing dos applications.

I and two othersI and the two others were actively involved in designing, documentation and development of the application.

I dedicated my time to learn ASP(dot)NET on my own and developed several ASP pages in various modules of the application.

I made use of the college vacations by steppingto step into the industry by applying for various internship opportunities.

Scholarship / Journalism: facts, events, truths - why I should be considered for scholarship [5]

To me, Journalism is a pursuit of facts, events, truths.

I care about finding stories, ensuring they'rethey are true and fairimpartial( more stronger) , and telling them in the most interesting and compelling way-whether that'sit is an essay, a video, an infographic, or a tweet.

My purpose of picking this program is simple. It is t o be an effective &and competent Journalist.

I want to be able to be a better writer, learn to shoot betterphotographer , be a better editor, and reporterbetter &so that I can equip myself more with skills, expertise that is necessary to survive & thrive in themy chosen profession.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL integrated task, personality called universal risk taking [3]

First, the reading passage suggests that people with the tendency of who endangering themselves and others can be related to a suicide willinghave suicidal tendency .

In contrast, the lecturer provides information that people who act in a risky way, truly believe that they have adequate skills and experience and they will surelyto succeed.

For example, racing drivers are self-confident and are convinced that they will not havecan prevent accident to happen .

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: increased sport facilities vs other measures. Discuss both views. [3]

Sweden offers to its dwellers a rich variety of sports facilities and gyms in every region of the country.
As a result, the developmental level of public health in this country is very high.


Complete the idea. This is not a sentence.

In my opinion, focusing on sports excessively can excessively be considered as a shortsighted view, because there are many other factors that contribute to our health and make even greater impact.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: keep your old friends or make new friends? I've ever had just few friends [3]

First, I am convincedbeliev e that making new friends is more difficult than before.
Nowadays we know many people by using social networks.

In addition, it is possible to know people,(remove comma) who live in our country with our same hobbies,orpeople who look attractive in their photos and we can easily add to our "friends" people who look attractive in their photos because we hope in something more than a friendly approach.


This will be useless if there's no relevant supporting detail/s. Support your opinion.

Writing Feedback / Parents - the main factor effect personality on person; Fatherhood vs motherhood [4]

Parents werearethe main factorsthat greatlya ffect the personality of a persontheir children.

"Bringing the children up" phrasesmean thatP arents, as their prime responsibility, have to bring their children up as they undergo the developmental life stages. Parents have to teach their children morally and support them financially as they go along the right way.for children money or assert, but also can be understand that parents have responsibilities and duties to support for their children motion and teaching them to be successful in the future.

Writing Feedback / Story about why the dog 'Jaw' was sold by the owner [4]

Here are other grammatical mistakes I have found in your essay.

As he had no wife nor girlfriend, he felt lonely and depressed at times.

He decided to buy a dog to accompany him and relieve his loneliness . so that he won't felt lonely any more.

He searched the entire pet shop in vain but still, he isn'twas not satisfied about the dog he found there.

He felt wretched as he walkgot out of the shop.

Stanley findfound it adorable when he wagged his tail.

He was determinedreally liked to buy the dog, so he did.

At the same time, he bought the cage, chain, dog food, small ball and dog tag for the doghis new pet .

Note: Be consistent with the tense you're using. If you use past tense of verb, use it til the end of your essay. You may also use transitional devices to smoothly connect your ideas.

Writing Feedback / GRE Argument: Easy Read Speed-Reading Course has greatly improved productivity [2]

The first question that arises is,"whetherWas the inclusion of the course was the only change made?"

Also, it should be noted that an increase in reading speed is not proportional to the speed of understanding and criticallyanalyzinganalysis of important documents.

One needs to read carefully not fast,and not speedily, in order to achieve fair understanding and respond accordinglyrelevant responses .

Also, the other graduate may have roseexcelled because of extreme hard work, an open position or even favoritism!

If the company thinks that the course has made a significant change, they should evaluate the profits earned before and after this period.

Scholarship / Nha Trang - Describe your hometown [4]

The first thing anyone who has chance to visit Nha Trang always mentionsis its beach, which anyone who has a chance to visit Nha Trang always leaves the place with spectacle and satisfaction .

At night, you may see some performances concludingincluding traditional and modern one(specify.. is it a dance, etc.?)
Nha Trang is not only famous for places and foods but is also well known for the local people.

Undergraduate / This is my personal statement prompt 1; My grandfather Lee [5]

Seniors have told us, since the beginning of 1999, that the students in our school began a spontaneous organization to take care of grandfather Lee. No need to put commas.

Elderly man told us that nine years ago, he hasn't feelingwas notlongelylonely because there arewere more than 500 pieces of warm hearts to accompany him.

In fact, for us, his dependence and the like makes us satisfactionsatisfied ,too.


Wrong grammar. Please observe and think what you are trying to say here

But I believe Iwillwould be have more of nine years.

I really hope when iIgo to thestudy college, I can go back to China to visit grandfather Lee.

Writing Feedback / GRE Argument Essay: 'A recent study rating 300 male and female Mentian .....' [5]


Actually, this is grammatically accepted. "Survey" is a noun that modifies methodologies. Thus, 'survey' is a modifier.


John is also right. However, they're too lengthy, and therefore the most appropriate is 'survey methodologies'. :)

Writing Feedback / IELTS - International tourism leads to both - tension and understanding [5]

Therefore, those local residents have to clean the place frequently so that the new batch of tourists will have a tidy and neat environment.

Moreover, tourists may offend the local people due to their different culturecultural background.

For example, Indians don't(avoid contraction)do not eat beef since they worship cows.

Furthermore, the tour guides are willing to help tourists to understand the culture from other countries.

Thus, the possibility of the conflicts is reduced because the understanding between both parties.

Letters / Application for the post of Project Support Officer (Local) - cover letter [3]

I have demonstrated to handle wide range of stakeholders and stakeholder management;and able to maintain and coordinate with diverse people from different institutions and NGOs etc.

I have demonstrated ability to supervise and provide supports to all line stakeholders and always proved beneficial and meet expectations of stakeholders.

In addition, I have good communicational and facilitation skills, an outstanding work ethics, and ability to work well in both team-oriented and self-directed environments.

Over and aboveMost of all(more precise) , I possess advanced knowledge of Microsoft Office Applications and have basic institutional framework and climate change policies of Bhutan.

I am looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Writing Feedback / Non-academic subject should stay in school syllabus along with academic subjects [3]

Primarily, physical education should be mandatory to be included in school syllabus because it brings many benefits to the children.

First, i t helps children to be fit...

Thesedays (These days)

Thus, physical education is effective for children in many ways.

Similarly,cooking is an essential skill which should be encouraged fromneeded to be taught in school to enhance the interest of children.

If children study this skill frominthe school, ittheywould help them tocan be able tomakecook food at their home alone .

This would help them to leadhave a healthy life.

To sum up, I would like to reiteratebelieve that non-academic subjects such as cooking and physical education should staybe incorporated in the school syllabus along with the academic subjects .It wouldto increase the quality of life of children.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Reading books or Watching TV? 'Equal credits should be given' [7]

When people read novels and magazines, what is happening happens in their minds is the restructure and reorganization of the information and knowledge in books.

Some people criticize that there is no necessity for our brains to work as all information on TV are shown in detailed and vivid images.

Regarding this, my question is how can a person can have the best understanding of a car if he doesn't see a car before?

The positive effect iscan be also observed on people who usually watch TV a lot .

However instead of writing, TV programs influence positivelyare probably more beneficialto people's listening and speaking skills.

Writing Feedback / "The Decline of Manners" by Judy Martin [3]

In "The Decline of Manners, " (remove comma) by Judy Martin, the author states that people of today are ruder than they were twenty or thirty years ago.

Martin also goes on to declares that people of today are slovenly, less communicative, and generally impolite to one other.
She claims "that the increasing informality dress and grooming, lack of communication skills, and sense of mean-spiritedness" appliesaffecttothe behavior.


First of all, Martin argues that the decline of manners is brought by the increasing informality of dress and grooming.
Fashion with a manners has do nothing with this.


Where is the subject of the sentence?

Writing Feedback / Classical Conditioning Narrative - Psychology 101 Course [2]

Classical Conditioning isas defined by Gerrig (2012) asis "a type of learning in which a conditioned response comes to be elicited by a conditioned stimulus that has acquired its power through an association with an unconditioned stimulus". I think you also have to acknowledge Ivan Pavlov since he is the proponent of this theory.

By the time I lay in bed, my arousal would be so intense that it would be fortook several hours (on a good night) before I would pass out from exhaustion.

The final goal in this process of learning would be to eventually associationassociate bedtime with feelings of serenity and relaxation.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: improve health by increasing sport facilities; 'regimen of nutrition' [6]

A strong soicety containtssociety contains healthy individuals
Upon this rationale, govern ments are putting more effort in this task such as building green park which is convenient for jogging andbasicsbasicexeceriseexercise .

Further more (Furthermore)

Do not forget to check the spelling.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Your job brings you more happiness that your social life does [5]

I guessN o one could deny the significance of jobs to our pleasure since it offers money to meet our needs in substancedaily life.

Job, being regarded as the material life's resource,
Social life ranks ahead of job actually because the happiness job affords is fundamentally built on the fundamentally social life, and relationships among the society is quite indispensable. (Don't combine two independent clauses without leaving a comma.)

These are questions the job-seekers usually ask themselves, which indicates the importance of social life.
A high-income job with an uncomfortable relationships among co-workers just leads you to be fed up with, let alone brings happiness.
According the argument aboveTo conclude , I reinforce my unshaken stand pointstrongly agree that job is obliged to be ranked as the priority in terms of influence on our happiness.

Writing Feedback / GRE: fields of study in which students are unlikely to succeed should be banned [5]

Educational institutes have the responsibility of providing to provide students a good knowledge and skillsbase and makingmake
them competent enough to take their own decisions.
Teachers and facilitators may have a good understanding of the skills and mind of an individual student, yet this understanding does not exceeds student's self awareness.

Scholarship / provide a statement outlining why you are applying for these Scholarships [3]

This scholarship will make me one of the few certified female investment analysts in Zimbabwe...
well - groomed
By joining a team of professionals that is competent, adheres to financial statutes and respect the corporate governance. (Where is the doer of the action in this sentence?)

We will work together for to improve our organisation and ultimately our country.
I intend to start focus groups and symposiums that focuses investment analyst

Letters / Motivation letter - Master in Facility Management at Zurich University [4]


I would firmly become an English teacher or a translator.

Letters / Motivation letter - Master in Facility Management at Zurich University [4]

I would firmly become and an English teacher or a translator.
ana unique chance to support... You must use article "a" (consonant sound;though 'unique' starts with a vowel letter.)


This lacks with a verb to be a sentence.
What impressed me that is that the program structure and direction match the fields I've worked.

Undergraduate / Common App Transfer - Arriving at Equilibrium (Communications Major) [5]

I grew up in a stable household ; my mother is a registered nurse and my father is an aerospace engineer . A s a family we envisioned success in numbers.

Reading and writing made me feel things like sadness, grief, jubilation, and connection.

Writing Feedback / Traffic problems in city; new roads and railway networks, sub ways and skylines [5]

Old people,they like to go out and socialise with otherspeople . and it completely depends upon the people's choice.


These are the most effective ways to solve this problem.
To sum up,I would like to reiteratebelieve that nobody can stop the people to go to work,shopping and education.


Whereas

Undergraduate / Gracious App - University of Wisconsin / Computer Science [2]

First, welcome to EF and I am glad to have you on board :)

In high school, programming classes weren't offered, so I devoted my credits and time to classes that would supplement a programming career and exploringexplore my interests, including marching band.

From freshmen year in high school to sophomore year in college, I have been in marching band, and have enjoyed every second of it .
Having grown up on a farm, my father's work ethic was ironclad, and I struggled to keep up (from?) --lack with thought
His favorite response of mine was "If you love your work, there's nothing to be overwhelmed by", and was he was right.

Over time, these interests were molded into passions and are now part of who I am.