admission2012
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / Dream of becoming a CMU Tartan; Carnegie Mellon Application: Why Carnegie Mellon [4]
Hello,
As soon as I read "Carnegie Mellon first attracted my attention in grade school because I really like to eat melon" I would haul your folder into the rejection pile. Why??? Which grade schooler is equating melons with CMU unless for some reason you lived across the street? Part of submitting great essays is the belivability factor. If you start out with something that many will not believe - even if it is true, then it makes it easy for them to just discount the rest of your application. Additionally, the only aspect of this essay that is decent is the fact that you talked about the interdisciplinary nature curriculum. Other than that, you did not point out a single real reason why CMU other than what you might have read on their website or on a brochure. CMU wants students that are passionate about their program. Students who know exactly the resources the school offers and how they plan on using them. This is what they are looking for. They already know they have a great program, no need for you to tell them again.
Hope this helps
Hello,
As soon as I read "Carnegie Mellon first attracted my attention in grade school because I really like to eat melon" I would haul your folder into the rejection pile. Why??? Which grade schooler is equating melons with CMU unless for some reason you lived across the street? Part of submitting great essays is the belivability factor. If you start out with something that many will not believe - even if it is true, then it makes it easy for them to just discount the rest of your application. Additionally, the only aspect of this essay that is decent is the fact that you talked about the interdisciplinary nature curriculum. Other than that, you did not point out a single real reason why CMU other than what you might have read on their website or on a brochure. CMU wants students that are passionate about their program. Students who know exactly the resources the school offers and how they plan on using them. This is what they are looking for. They already know they have a great program, no need for you to tell them again.
Hope this helps