Undergraduate / 'I boldly stood up for my brother' - pepperdine essay [2]

GRAMMAR HELP ESPECIALLY APPRECIATED <3

Arriving at the boarding school in West Virginia as a naïve freshman, I instantly turned to an atheist while sitting in the biology class which was all about Charles Darwin. My biology teacher would proclaim, "God is DEAD!" Being only thirteen, I was easily convinced. It was easy to make wrong decisions when I believed in no consequences. When I transferred to Christian school in Alabama, things did not change much. I kept my seat and looked down while other students were praising God during a chapel time. The house situation did not help much. I was living with a pastor who constantly making inappropriate jokes about me. I was not fed regularly. I had to leave once again.

When I first arrived at Oklahoma Christian School in my junior year, Mrs.Marcus, the admission director, delightfully said, "Juwon! I am so glad God has sent you here!" While my face muscle tightened, I still managed to generate a forced smile. However, inside, I was afraid. My new host family barely fed me and my brother. We had cereals for every meal. One day, silent tension exploded when the son accused my brother of stealing and lying. While attempting to block out my brother's sober, I've prayed what I have been praying over past 5 months. "God. If you're there, SHOW YOURSELF"

My story has a happy ending. Something stirred up my heart and I boldly stood up for my brother. We were both kicked out of the house at 11:00 p.m. However, Mrs. Marcus lovingly took us into her house. In midst of these despondent years, I learned few lessons. Mrs. Marcus's unconditional love opened up my heart. Her willingness to invite two teenagers into her house and her devoted attention and love towards us slowly healed two scarred teenagers. Deuteronomy 31:8 helped me to endure each day with hope. It says "the Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Mrs. Marcus helped me to understand that God has a plan for me. I realized that God was never far away from me. I was just too oblivious.

When I am in Pepperdine, I plan to contaminate the whole school with my 'smiley-virus.' Jesus brought back my smile that I've lost. I want to be the person that Jesus can shine through. Being from a Christian school, I was really saddened that I may not have a chapel to go to whenever I go to college. The fact that Pepperdine has active student ministries and chapel enthralled me. By involving myself in various campus ministries and worship services, I want to bring people and myself closer to the Lord. Also, I want to heavily get involved in volunteering. Currently, I have more than 400 hours volunteer service hours. For me, it was not about numbers. It was about underprivileged kids I taught. In Pepperdine, I want to give back the love I've received from Mrs. Marcus and Jesus.

Undergraduate / 'Sociology and tutoring English and Korean' - CORNELL (COLLEGE OF ART&SCIENCE) [3]

can you please correct my grammar!!!! and (contents too if you have time?)

CORNELL SOCIOLOGY ESSAY

After three years of tutoring English and Korean to various groups of children and teenagers, I was ready to try something different. I finally found two things I was really capable to teach: a recorder and an origami. When I called Mrs.Goin to ask a permission to teach a class, the founder and the director of the Faith Works, the inner-city organization in Oklahoma City, she hesitantly agreed.

On the first day of the class, my gigantic dream of assembling the first Oklahoma City children's orchestra shattered with brutal attacks on my head with twelve recorders from the children. Soon, I realized that these children were slightly different from the little children I was used to seeing. Along with their obsession with any kinds of food, most children had some kinds of stories about their dad, brothers or cousins going to the jail. I finally got used to the frequent use of the word 'sex' from 2nd graders.

Many children are undocumented aliens. Most often, they are in the abysmal situation with no proper housings and care. After raising $20,000 for the Faith Works through the HEROES week program, the service program in school, I decided to find the root of the despondent poverty: the cause of illegal immigration. Going through various researches and documentaries has revealed that there are almost no jobs available in rural Mexico. NAFTA has taken away the competitiveness of crops and farmers' jobs. Even though there are the funds from the government, the local governments greedily distribute the funds within their own families. Many people spend $2000 to $3000 crossing the border while having no knowledge of these funds.

Studying Sociology at Cornell will open a door for me to engage in studying and developing policies that will help the children from the Faith Works. While majoring in Sociology, I wish to minor in Inequality studies because I, a minority, know the feeling of being discriminated. While majoring in Sociology, I want to develop a viable policy to boost up Mexican economy to get down to the heart of illegal immigration. After graduating from Cornell, I wish to return to Faith Works and implement unique ideas gained from Cornell's wide array of research opportunities, diverse student body and knowledge from brilliant Cornell professors to better the world for my future students at Faith Works.

Undergraduate / 'Drawing an ocean' - Bates College essay [4]

CORRECT MY GRAMMAR & CONTENT!

Supplementary Essay

In addition to the Common Application essay, please select one phrase from the Bates mission statement below and comment on how it inspires you and draws you to Bates (1-2 paragraphs).

Since 1855, Bates College has been dedicated to the emancipating potential of the liberal arts. Bates educates the whole person through creative and rigorous scholarship in a collaborative residential community. With ardor and devotion - Amore ac Studio - we engage the transformative power of our differences, cultivating intellectual discovery and informed civic action. Preparing leaders sustained by a love of learning and a commitment to responsible stewardship of the wider world, Bates is a college for coming times.

When my 5th grade art teacher asked our class to draw an ocean, for some reason, I decided to paint the whole paper red. When she scolded me for messing up my picture, I told her I drew the inside of an ocean when the sun was shining on it. Taking my precious picture away from me, she told me to stop being so "weird."

I think Bates can be a place where I can safely pursue my 'weirdness.' I can pursue effective ways of thinking outside of a box through a creative learning process. Also, my potential major, Sociology, requires many combined fields of knowledge such as psychology, law and economics. Through Bates' 'rigorous scholarship,' I will be able to expose myself to different branches of sociology while focusing on my main field, Social Inequality. Having been tutoring underprivileged children for four years, I realized that there are numerous hidden factors behind the veil of poverty that causes social inequality. Through a "collaborative residential community," I plan to engage myself with passionate Bates students to begin a slow process to provide a better world for my underprivileged students. .

Undergraduate / 'the fear take control of me' - uber short supplement essay [3]

Applying to college can be serious business; yet we're eager to get to know you in a less formal way. Have fun answering the following question: If you had a theme song - a piece of music that describes you best - what would it be and why? Please include the name of the song and the artist. (Limit response to 150 words)

DRIVE BY INCUBUS

Just like a person from the song, I used to let the fear take control of me and my 'wheel.' Everything about my future seemed vague and uncertain: whether I will get to finish high school in America in midst of my mother's illness, whether I can withstand my abusive host parents and many other worries. However, all those worries and uncertainties made me stronger. Those hardships made me a better, flexible and positive driver who can always find alternative routes. I realized that all I can do is take charge of my own life instead of some fear and doubts directing me. My favorite line is "when I drive myself, my light is found." I am now ready to "take the wheel and steer" because "Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there With open arms and open eyes."

Undergraduate / 'The common good is relative' - interests and aspirations - BOWDOIN'S SUPPLEMENT [NEW]

BE HARSH

In an effort to understand your interests and aspirations for college, we ask you to select one of the three topics below and provide a response of up to 250 words. Please include your name, birth date, and topic choice at the top of the page.

Bowdoin students and alumni often cite world-class faculty and opportunities for intellectual engagement, the College's commitment to the Common Good, and the special quality of life on the coast of Maine as important aspects of the Bowdoin experience. Reflecting on your own interests and experiences, please comment on one of the following:

1. Intellectual engagement
2. The Common Good
3. Connection to place

The common good is relative.I do not believe that the common good is necessarily a utilitarian good because I believe the common good needs to be applicable to everyone and be achieved with cooperation.

I am an enfranchised person meaning I am the person with available means. Having my parents as my firm support and an opportunity to apply to my favorite college are the sufficient reasons to consider myself "enfranchised." As a child of a middle school English teacher, I often heard numerous accounts about students with no parents, no shelter and no food. Surprisingly, I encountered more disenfranchised people than I've ever did in Korea while tutoring numerous students. Yolanda, a student from my origami class, lives with a drug-addict mom. Conner, a student from my recorder class, eats popcorn for every meal.

I have an obligation. As a part of lucky 6.7 percent of world that gets to go to the college, I have an obligation to share my knowledge to less fortunate people without an education. As a Korean citizen, I have a responsibility to protect and pride my country. As a beloved daughter, my goal is to try to become a better daughter each passing day. The common good I need to achieve as an enfranchised global citizen is to love and help those who are disenfranchised. In Bowdoin, I wish to learn effective ways of pursuing the common good by learning from different professors and students through the works of cooperation.

Undergraduate / 'Tutored English writing' - Admissions Tutors interest essay [4]

Please provide information which you feel will be of interest to the Admissions Tutors and will help them know you better, e.g. your reasons for applying to HKU, the chosen curricula, extra-curricular activities, participation in voluntary work, past working experience, career aspirations and other achievements.

Okay. I think unlike US colleges, HKU focuses on the achievements/ scores. So i guess this doesn't require a creativity. So i basically listed out things i've done. PLEASE HELP MOSTLY WITH GRAMMAR. I HEARD THEY RLY LOOK AT GRAMMATICAL MISTAKES. HELP HELP HELP

When I was a kid, my parents were always at work. Being home alone every day, my only leisure activity was reading a newspaper. Reading a newspaper became my daily habit. After learning English, my 'hobby' extended to reading The New York Times daily. While being a dedicated reader for many years, I had an outrageous idea. I decided to write an article and send it to The Korea Times, the biggest English publication in Korea. My first article was about illegal methods Korean teenagers use to gain an access to prestigious American colleges. After submitting an article, an email arrived informing that The Korea Times decided to publish my article. Since March, 2010, I was lucky enough to have five of my articles published in The Korea Times.

I firmly believe that HKU can fulfill my dream of being a journalist. I believe that a pen is more powerful than anything in the world. My goal is to uncover inequity of the government and shed a light on underprivileged people around the globe. HKU's strong journalism program will not only strengthen my writing skill, but will expose me to the world of journalists in Hong Kong. Since many global mass media markets are situated in Hong Kong, I will have more opportunities to work hand by hand with the world's renowned journalists. Hong Kong's freedom of speech and independent media are two appealing factors too. Hong Kong's focus on global perspective is shown in journalism faculty members. I like how a wide array of professors is actual journalists and major researchers.

I've tutored English writing to numerous kids over past four years for free. My favorite students were Minsu and Hyun-suk, the underprivileged kids who I helped to read books and write book reports in English. Also, I went to a Korean school until my 8th grade year. My fluency in Korean enabled me to teach a Korean language class at local Korean school in Alabama. Currently, I am teaching origami and Korean to underprivileged Hispanic kids in Oklahoma.

During summer of 2010, I was given an opportunity to take an internship for the United Nations Project Office on Governance in Seoul. I translated many articles for the convention held in Seoul. Also, by participating in many debate tournaments and seminars, I gained valuable experiences and knowledge. The memorable ones were The Korea International Youth Assembly. As a committee coordinator, I was a leader of twelve people. We debated underemployment in Korea. Also by participating in The Korea Enterprise Challenge, I gained a valuable insight on actual business world.

I am so glad that I have an opportunity to apply to HKU. I am willing to humbly learn and coordinate with other students at HKU.

Undergraduate / 'A Korean minority in boarding school' - common app [5]

"Mr. Wallace, can I have a 'sheet' of paper?" There was a dead silence in my world history class. Mr. Wallace, who was supposed to hand me the chapter two quiz on the Renaissance, gave me a baffled look. Annika, my roommate, shook her head. Confused, I repeated my request. "Can I have a 'sheet' of paper?" What came out of my mouth was not really the word 'sheet,' but rather an unprintable word that sounds a great deal like 'sheet.' In 2008, fresh from Korea, I unintentionally mispronounced many common English words. My stiff tongue, accustomed to Korean, would pronounce FedEx as 'fatass' and wedge as 'wedgie.' This frequent occurrence began to frustrate and embarrass me.

Being a minority in boarding school in West Virginia, I was desperate to fit somewhere. To fit in, I watched every TV show just to plan out my conversation for the next day. The immense cultural difference was one of the reasons I had to plan out my conversations. Apart from these shows, I had nearly nothing to spark conversation with my classmates. To distinguish myself from other 'smart Asians,' I hung out at the gym in my baggy sweatpants that came down to my buttocks, instead of doing my geometry homework. Every day, rather than work on my Spanish project, I practiced my pronunciation with my roommate Julia to sound more "American." I firmly believed that to be accepted by an American, I had to act like an American.

What I should have realized was that anything artificial does not taste as good as the home-made version. I grew weary of always contemplating what to say for the next day. So, I decided to let my mouth loose. When I transferred in my sophomore year, I quickly became a center of attention not because of my stories about "Grey's Anatomy," but for my 'cute hint of an Asian accent' and my stories about getting run over in the crowded Seoul subway. The Pikachu pen that I busily hid from my old friends always sparked a new conversation. I never had to plan out my stories, because people were asking me about 'Juwon." People were interested in 'Juwon.' At first, since I was used to an artificial conversation, doubt lingered when people approached me. However, their sincere approach peeled away the shell and revealed the yolk inside of me. I freely talked about myself instead of some TV shows. I proudly mentioned my newly-found love for Korea. I comfortably let out my thundering laugh whenever I wanted to. I think my relaxed brain caused my mouth muscles to loosen up.

Frederick Douglass once said, "I prefer to be true to myself, even at the hazard of incurring the ridicule of others, rather than to be false, and to incur my own abhorrence." Mr. Frederick Douglass assuredly knew that sincerity would move the hearts of millions. Today, I asked my friend Chandler to describe me in one word. "Sincere," Chandler said. I smiled.