Writing Feedback / TOEFL Essay,"Success in life: Risk or Planning" [8]

Thanks for your feedback.

I will try to rewrite my essay and post again. I have some questions about the reasons I provided. I think, these are not strong enough. Can you please suggest me some other reasons or other ideas? I have my exam after two weeks. I am confused about my writing. I do not understand what to do at this stage...? These are lots of mistakes..:( please suggest me something so that I can score high in my exam.

Regards,
Ana.

Writing Feedback / Rent a house vs buying a house essay [2]

Hi,

I am sure that (don't use words like this in essay, you can start by saying, "most of the people prefer to..." )most people can afford to rent a house

most people don't realise that renting a house can cost as much as buying a new one: I am not agree with this, as buying a house is a good investment whereas renting is waste of money. ( just a suggestion.. debate point of view.. if you feel bad I am sorry about that)

I am sure many people experienced moving to another city or a country and they were forced to live in a rented house , (Its a personal choice, but you can say that they can prefer to rent instead of buying a house to save money) because of lack of money or low paid job.

I think, you should concentrate on your sentence structure. Try to write simple sentences so that you can explain your ideas. (just a suggestion)

Hope this helps:)

Good Luck!!

Thanks,
Ana.

Graduate / (rural management from IRMA) - why teach for india [7]

Hi,

1. Beginning of each sentence should be in a capital letter.
2. Please give blank space after each comma, question mark and completion of sentences.

Try to avoid these small mistakes. And, try to explain your ideas in detail such as, what is teach for India? Is this any movement of academy..? What do they work..? so that reader can understand. (..just a suggestion)

Be the change you want to see in the world, lines by gandhi inspires me and education is one area which will lead the change in the coming century.But does majority indian people have access to quality education? the answer is no.i (I always capital) want to change this and believe in the principle of tree. A tree starts with a seed and thens grows and bears fruits and seeds while lead to a forest.

Initially,i want to learn about the challenges faced by the education sector in educating masses practically working with teach for india which will help in learning the basics and also mastering them over a period of two years. it will be stepping stone towards my journey for leading india (India should be in capital) to a educational reform whats better than joing teach for india which has made a remarkable mark within few years of its journey. here there will people from whom i can learn and improve, take advices and put forward my opinions in a better way than the practical knowledege which is imaprted in the B schools.

i want to do an MBA in rural management from IRMA anand and start an educational movement in rural india where quality education is stilla dream for many.historically, many of the greatest scientiest and influncers have been from rural parts of india ,india is a great coutry with a powerfull resource still being unprocessed.if this is skillfully developed into a boon and not a bane on the resources it will one day lead india to much more productive and developed country while still holding its cultural diversity.

Good Luck!!

Thanks,
Ana.

Writing Feedback / 'long-time measure' - should wealthy nations help poorer nations ? [2]

Hi,

I like your ideas, but try to explain it with examples.

and in this last para: In conclusion, personally I think that although ( it seems like you have used lots of words to start your conclusion, use only one of them... just a suggestion) wealthy countries should help poorer nations.

Please check with others also...:)

Good Luck!!

Thanks,
Ana.

Writing Feedback / IBT - Studying abroad studying abroad is rewarding, pros and cons [2]

Hi,

I like reasons you provided. Just try to work on below given points(just a suggestion):

Third body para, you can start like.. "It takes some time to adjust..." (then explain in detail how to adjust..)
Same way, try to start all your main body paras with main ideas and then explain in detail.
Good Luck!!

Thanks,
Ana.

Writing Feedback / IELTS population growth (let the governments decide if you can have children or not) [5]

Hi,

I like your essay, good reasons provided, but I think this is a very short essay. Try to work on following points which will help you to extend your essay:

1.Structure of essay. As you have given two ways in body para, you can divide that in two paras and then explain in detail. This will help you to clear your ideas.

2.In third para, red marked word (finally)mentions that your going to end here, but again you are adding one more para with your opinion. Try to avoid this.

Finally, media could have an important role in this issue. As people involved with newspapers, TV, advertisement and other kinds of program during the day, media could help people in this way. For example, a good film, created by a famous director about the population growth and its effects on our lives would attract and affect large number of people.

Personally I think that the most effective measure to deal with population growth is the role of governments, because they have a great responsibilities in this issue. Besides, experiments show that their rules could have the best results in reducing the birth rate.

Try to arrange your essay in a proper structure.

Good luck!!

Thanks,
Ana.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL Essay, "Can movies tell us about the country, where it is made...?" [3]

Ramtin,

I never understood English language => ? : I mean accent which I have explained in second half sentence.

And thanks for your feedback.

Good luck to you also!!

Ana.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL Essay,"Success in life: Risk or Planning" [8]

Thank you so much.

That was very useful. Sometimes, Its very hard to study alone, we cannot understand where we are..!! there is a need of guidance. That was really inspiring and motivating.

Thanks again!!

Ana.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL Essay,"A person should never make an important decision alone" [3]

Thanks Frozener.

Yeah, my vocabulary is very weak and that is the reason of repetition. I am working on it, will try to avoid the repetitions.

Thank you so much for you feedback.

Ana.

Writing Feedback / IELTS population growth (let the governments decide if you can have children or not) [5]

Hi Mohammad,

I did not say that it is wrong or bad, it is absolutely correct to use finally , but that should be in a last conclusion para. You have used that in last but one para.

Hope this helps!!

Ana.

Graduate / 'Corporate in an IT Strategy' - MBA Admission in AGSM, Australia [4]

Hi,

I think, you can also start with your goals and then explain about your experience.(..just a suggestion) This is also well written.

Good Luck!!

Ana.

Student Talk / Can you teach me how to write and speak in English... [11]

We all are here to learn and improve our English. I would like to suggest that, "Try to write something and submit on the forum" such as, self introduction, goals in your life, hobbies etc. That will help you find your mistakes.

Good Luck!!

Thanks,

Ana.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL Essay,"Success in life: Risk or Planning" [8]

Thank you so much dear all especially deepakbaniya. I totally agree with you, we need to take good things to keep ourselves motivated and inspired. And yes, that (byliner) site is also a great site. I will keep working on my reading and writing. thanks again.

Regards,
Ana.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL essay : The subject that you want to learn more about (economics) [7]

Hi,

I totally agree with all above comments. In addition, I think, you should explain more about economic in detail, and how this subject will help you in your future life. As, this is TOEFL essay and it should be in 300-350 words, so you can extend it by explaining more details. (just a suggestion..)

Also, I would like to thank you for sharing this essay, I like this subject, your ideas, and the way you arranged your essay. I will also write essay on this subject..:)

Good Luck!!

Thanks,
Ana.

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Eating at hove vs. eating out (my recommendation) [9]

Hi,

I think, you can add some more points to support your opinion such as:

1. It saves time, and we can utilize that time in some other important things such as, studying, reading, and in your hobbies etc.
2. I do not have to worry about grocery, cooking, and cleaning dishes...
3. Its good for students..

Hope this helps!!

Good luck!!

Thanks
Ana.

Undergraduate / 'Playing softball' - CommonApp - Short Answer Essay on Extracurricular [3]

Hi,

I think, its a very short (..as you've mentioned above 1000 characters maximum), but very nice and well written.

Good Luck!!

Thanks,
Ana.

Writing Feedback / People's reason for quit the countryside is logical [7]

Hi,

I am little bit confuse about your posts... Can you please clear my confusion...?

I think, last essay you posted is different than the previous one, you posted two different essays on the same thread, if so, then please start new thread with different essay. If it is not like that then please clear my confusion.

In addition, I would like to suggest that, writing language is different than speaking, it seems that, you are writing your essay as you speak. (this is what I felt after reading your essay..) I think, you should read some other well written essays, that will help you to understand the sentence structures in written language. (I totally agree with Jennifer, try to concentrate on your sentence structures, make it short and clear.. just a suggestion..)

Hope this helps.
Good Luck!!

Thanks,
Ana.

Writing Feedback / 'What do you do for good health?' - TOEFL essay [4]

Nowadays, (I think, people are very cautious about health from very past days.. its not nowadays thing...so better to start with other words.. just a suggestion) people recongized that health is an important thing that they need to increase intense awareness about. Propotionately improving the standard life, media communicates how vital the health bring to human's life regularly. In my country, people word-of-mouth that "health is more valuable than gold", this reveals health is more and more concerned. It's true to say that health gives to people rich of metal's and physical's life. Identifying the benefits of healthy life, people attempt to do many things which can help their more rich of health. For me, to keep myself is always in ready to do, I have been preparing many things that suit for my current conditions now . (I think, you should mentioned what are those things, in short in intro para.. then explain with examples in main body paras..)

Doing exercise daily is an action that I put it into the top of schedule. To make my body fitter and the spirit fresher in morning, I have made an agenda to jog and do gym at least 2 hours everyday. These activities are plain sports that I prefer doing. I just need to wear simple clothes with comfortable shoes, then I can start do these sports. It is excited sense when I finish jog around the park near my apartment, ( I don't think that there is need of these sentenses.. instead you can add how this helps you..?) I am energetic to ready to do everything.

Logically association between doing exercise and balance meals is a important thing I wary all time. I have read some culinary and heath magazines, they demostrated that diet and balance meals with kinds of food take 80% healthy decision yourself. In order to choose right foods for your body condition, your have to be conscious in shopping and cooking your own foods. Some of essential nutritions prevail on the morden life are protein, vitamins, minerals and so on. The best way I recommend you is need to update your health on many types of nutrition foods. ( I think, you should explain how this helps you..? instead of recommending others.. read question What do you do for good health? Use specific reasons and expamples to support your answer. )

In conclusion, each person has his own ways and your can find your own ways to keep yoursefl always in willing to do in your life with strong mental's and physical's health. Considering the important of health in social life, you actually take much time to take care your self like me.(... same as above please explain how it is helpful to you?)

Just a suggestion..

Good Luck!!

Thanks
Ana.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL Essay,"Planning is better for free time activities OR not" [6]

Hi Jennifer,

Thanks for your reviews that was very helpful. And yes, this is a comparison essay, and I think, I need to consider other view also while writing such comparison essays. I will take care.

Thanks again.

Ana.

Writing Feedback / Toefl: Do you agree or disagree? "Automobile has improved modern life" [3]

Hi,

I like your view about this topics, and mostly the reasons you provided. Nice essay. I noticed just one spelling mistake.

"They may suffer from many deceases (diseases) such as asthma and bronchitis."

Good Luck!!

Thanks,
Ana.

Writing Feedback / Toefl Essay "Parents should let their children to make mistakes" [3]

Hi,

Nice essay, except few spelling mistakes. And it would be great, if you could increase your intro and conclusion para.

To my concept, learning from mistake is prosperous.
To begin with, I feel young persons (person only) can acquire responsibility which is merit experience arise from mistake. this critical manner is mandatory for children's future livelihood in society. Inevitably, great deal of truble in today's life occurs in order to neglect one's duty toward his or her own action. I my own experience, ( you could say from my own experience..) when my chid accept his false (mistakes), not only ashamed about his behavior, but also he think deeply about his inaccurate action.( I think, you could write this sentence like this way: He not only ashamed about his behavior, but also thinks deeply about his inaccurate action.. just a suggestion)

In addition,learning responsibility, people and particularly very young people can learn merit lessons via making mistake.?? I am sorry but, didn't understand what do you want to say exactly? To put it more simply, it is unlikely they commit mistake again, thanks to awareness which is achievement of wrong manner. Consider a driver, after doing speedy driving, undoubtedly he or she would be punished by officer on account of rules. Even assuming that this person neglect his or her crime, awareness toward speed and money payment toward crime is the least harvest.

Finally, dealing with mistake can reduce young's fear toward false. Whereas children are in first stept of their long way, inevitably fighting with struggles is unavoidable. Consequently, horror which came from facing possible mistake is much more fatal than own mistake; hence, trial and error in great spectrum of human daily chores is a inseparable parts of life.

To sum up, parents should prepare an appropriate atmosphere for their young and let them make mistake.

In addition, try to concentrate on your sentence structure. Use simple sentences. (again just a suggestion..)

Good Luck!!
Thanks,
Ana .

Writing Feedback / TOEFL Essay,"It is not possible to eliminate poverty" [3]

Yes, you are right, but at the end of each para, I have mentioned solution or my opinion, that poverty can be reduced, how and what should be done to reduced it. for ex. government could run some schemes. It means that, I am not agree with the given sentence.

Although, I agree with you, that it is a short description, because after reading your comment, I realized that, I have concentrated more on reasons of poverty, instead how it can be reduced. For correction, I could add more description of how poverty can be reduced.

And thanks for your review. I would change my topic sentence.

Ana.