Writing Feedback / Success is not far-reaching for those who pursue their goals until they will achieve it [3]

In your opinion, what is the most important characteristic (for example, honesty, intelligence, a sense of humor) that a person can have to be successful in life? Use specific reasons and examples from your experience to explain your answer. When you write your answer, you are not limited to the examples listed in the question.

Success is not far-reaching for those who pursue their goals until they will achieve their goals. It is difficult to choose the one quality to show that this quality makes people to be successful. In my view, however, having a variety of qualities lead to be successful, But the most important quality is perseverance.

First, the success would be achievable when we pursue our goal. By studying the life of many scientists, it is easy to understand that why they could achieve their goals. They pursued their goal and they never were disappointed until they finally achieve their goals. The main reason that many people failed to obtain their goals is that they were disappointed quickly after first defeat. From my personally experience, in the difficult time of my life in which it seems that my dreams would not be achievable, I try to pursue my goal. One of my personal examples is preparing for the TOEFL exam. After I had studied for many months, when I took the whole exam in my room, the result was disappointed. However, I decided to persist until I could pass the exam.

Second, being persistent is a vital quality to cover up the lack of other qualities. Being cleaver does not guarantee the success. For instance, I know many people who are not very clear, but they are more successful than those who are cleaver. I remember the time I studied in the university, some of my classmates claim that they are clever students in the high school and they thought that they can achieve the best score in exams, however, they even could not pass their exams because they did not study as well as they must.

Overall, being successful depends on many parameters, however, if people pursue his personal goal, they definitely would be successful.
***I really appreciate your feedback. I am going to take Toefl exam very soon !
awaiting to receive your points on grammar, punctuation, coherence and cohesion, task achievement, lexical resource, Anything!
Thank you in advance!

Writing Feedback / Internet have opened up new doors for people who need recent information or news [2]

Thank you in advance for pay attention to my essay. please give your feedback or any grammar mistakes in my essay.
Some people say that the Internet provides people with a lot of valuable information. Others think access to so much information creates problems. Which views do you agree with?

Internet have opened up new doors for people who need recent information or news. Like other technologies, Internet also has own advantages and disadvantages. However, Internet is a good place to find new information, news and makes easier to communicate with others, But it also provides a good place for individuals who strive to abuse these information. In my opinion, as a useful tools, internet can gather together people all over the world and makes easier for everyone to find his own requirement.

First, Internet provides a suitable place for us to find the information. If we need to search about the special subject, the first and main resource is almost Internet. For instance, if a student need to find special data about his research, he do not need to find it in a library or a bookstore, because Internet almost provide a widespread information for any subject. As a result, it is easy to find your favorite books or articles in the net.

What's more, Internet are able to connect people when they are far away. Nowadays, people are able to communicate with their colleagues, or relatives , or partners, etc through Internet anywhere or anytime. Recently, face to face communication have been developed through Internet.

However, Internet also is abused by some hackers who tend to use people's information illegally. For example, they try to abuse some information such as bank account's passwords or other personal information which are available in the net. Therefore, it is difficult to trust to this tool in a way if we want to transfer our cash or put our personal information into it.

In conclusion, Although Internet can be used illegally by some abusers, it still have provided many valuable and worthwhile information for us. It also facilitate to catch special information about every subject. In addition, Internet can link people throughout the world.

Writing Feedback / Modern Technology is creating a single world culture? [3]

Hi Dear Friends,
I need to advise me your feedback when you read my easy.
Thank you in advance. :)

Modern Technology is creating a single world culture. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement. Give reasons and examples to support your answer.

New modern technologies have connected many people and cultures. Although some of the technologies has not reach to few areas in the world, most communication technologies such as Internet or medias have been reachable anywhere and could affect the way of living. In my opinion, technologies such as Television or Internet have connected people in the world and have influenced in many different cultures.

Nowadays media have influenced in any home through broadcasting their programs in the satellites. One of the popular entertainments among people in the world has became watching TV programs. People see these communication devices such as TV or Internet as tools to be aware of recent news about sport events, political issues, or weather etc. Media have influenced not only in our homes, but have penetrated into our mind and sometimes have changed our beliefs and thoughts by broadcasting special programs. As a result, they try to bring in a new culture, a new way of thinking into our personal life. Because many channels are available in every part of the world, media would be able to transfer their culture into every home in the throughout the world.

What's more, new modern technologies make popular some cultures in order to spread out special foods or clothes. If we look back into the history, we can easily distinguish between people's culture or their nation by what clothes they had wore. However, at the present time, it is difficult to understand people's nation by their clothes. Media advertise new models of clothes and after a while, the mode which was advertised is prevalent in many countries. Another example is popularity of special foods in the world. It is difficult to find someone who has not eaten some general foods such as Hamburgers or Macaronis or Pizza.

Overall, technologies has created a way to connect people in many ways. Media and other communication tools advertise the special way of living or make popular special foods among people. This is why people affect from other cultures and traditions.

Writing Feedback / "Norouz" - it would be a beautiful celebration for all nations in the world; TOEFL essay [2]

Hi Dear Friends :)
This is my essay which is wrote in order to develop my writing skill in the TOEFL. Please help me to figure out my grammatical errors and the structure That I used .

Describe a custom from your country that you would like people from other countries to adopt. Explain your choice, using specific reasons and examples

People receive most of the costumes from their ancestor. Some of this costumes have potential to adopt with other nations and countries. My country has a wide range of costumes, which are definitely adoptable with other cultures and beliefs. From my point of view, the best and general custom in our country is named " Norouz".

From five thousand years ago to now, Iranians believe that the spring in every year should be celebrated. This traditional belief named "Norouz" and new year in the Iran has introduced when the spring approaches. As matter of the fact, by approaching the spring, nature become new; plants and flowers grow; trees bloom and so on. Therefore, they thought they should renew their clothes and clean their homes and hold ceremonies as the spring approach. If they have trouble with their kin, they forgive them and kiss each other in the Norouz. They were determined to see their relatives and vice versa. Indeed, spring and New Year was an excuse and it would be seen as a fortune for them for the celebrities. Indeed, what the beautiful costumes Iranians at five thousand years ago they have.

Norouz give the chance to us to develop the social norms which is increasingly has been vanished. In the modern society, people have involved with daily activities and they do not have enough time to see their relatives. It is a good idea to expand this custom to all nations in the world. Therefore, people in all nations celebrate universally and have a chance to visit each other annually. This custom also could be universal, because everyone believes that New Year of the nature is introduced with spring.

Overall, by celebrating this costume universally, people have a chance to visit their families, relatives, friends, etc. In addition, they have an opportunity to clean every mess from their homes and throw out any badness from their hearts. Indeed, Norouz would be a beautiful celebration for all nations in the world.

Writing Feedback / {TOEFL} Attending boys and girls in a same school would bring many advantages [2]

Hi everyone:)
I wrote a new essay about one of the TOEFL topic. Please help to figure out my mistakes.Thank you in advance
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Boys and girls should attend separate schools. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Women or men almost need each other in full of life even in school. Although some experts believe that common schools for both female and male lead to diminish their efficiency in education, others view it as a helpful way to recognize the opposite gender. In my opinion, boys and girls should study together in the sense that they have a chance to know each other and learn how to behave with an opposite sex.

School is a small society for students, which prepares them for the future life. By attending to the same school, students can learn how to view the opposite gender in classes as a friend or a classmate. In addition, a boy would know how to speak with a girl in every situation and vice versa. They would know how to ask her in order to cooperate with his study, how communicate with girls in a group, etc. Admittedly, when they study together and help each other, they exercise the the real life as they age. By contrast, some experts believe that attending both girls and boys in a same school cause many disadvantages for them. By doing this, outdoors relationships may expand and it may accompany with sexual relationship and as result, their thoughts deviate from the studies.

Moreover, attending in the school having boys and girls might be beneficial for both to increase their motivation to study better. Boys and girls will try to show their capabilities and abilities in the class, therefore they will study increasingly. Indeed, Boys do not like to seem weak in front of girls and vice versa. As a result, the productivity of the class will be increased.

In a word, attending boys and girls in a same school would bring many advantages. Taking part in the study groups would increase student's motivation to study more. In addition, they would be able to know the opposite gender, which help them to be prepared for the adult life where they almost will live or work together.

Writing Feedback / 'is it necessary for children or not?' - Learning a foreign language [TOEFL] [3]

Hi All
Please give me your feedback about the structure, grammar which are used for this essay.
Thank you in advance :)

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?Children should begin learning a foreign language as soon as they start school. Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.

Learning a foreign language is necessary for children to strengthen their ability to learn. Whether children should start learning a foreign language as they start school or not might be a controversial issue. It seems to me that students should start learning that as they start school. Learning that not only help them to improve their minds and memories, but can extend their visions about the other countries. [..]

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: People benefit more from coming computers into their lives; pros outweigh cons [3]

Hi everyone , please help me to find my essay's error
Thank you :)

73) Some people say that computers have made life easier and more convenient. Other people say that computers have made life more complex and stressful. What is your opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Computers have revolutionized our lifestyle during last century. However, some people especially young ones use computers extremely and this excessive usage lead to increase stress among them, but computers have brought many advantages to our lives. From my point of view, computers have an important and inevitable role in economic, business, and other part of societies. In addition, they make the way of living easier by doing our routine duties.

Admittedly, by using computers in many industries human's role has been reduced. Nowadays, computer can control and perform some routine activities in industries, which were early done by human. Many industries use computers to command to robots in order to do many regular tasks, which were carried out by human early. For example, many processes of production of cars are carrying out by robots, which are controlled by computers. In addition, car companies use computers to simulate and analyze car accident by computers. Despite many advantages, by coming computers many jobs has been vanished. A large number of industries fire many forces because of doing their works by new technologies and computers.

Computers have an important role in social and personal life. Computers have opened up a network connection among people. This technology makes easier for people to send and receive personal message. Teenagers and adolescents spend free time in front of computers. Moreover, People can use computers to extract their essential information easily. By contrast, excessive use of computers has brought many difficulties. The results show that teenagers who are addicted to computer games show more violent and stressful behaviors. People who have type by computers may suffer from such disease related to knees.

By considering all reasons, advantages of computers outweigh disadvantages. People benefit more from coming computers into their lives. In addition, computers can do most difficult tasks which leads to make life easier.

Writing Feedback / Assigning homework every day to students is necessary or not ? [3]

Hi Dear Friend
I write an essay about a subject for the TOEFL. Please help me to correct my essay :)
Thank you in advance. :)

Essay Prompt:

Many teachers assign homework to students every day. Do you think that daily homework is necessary for students? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

One of the important criteria could be used to measure the learning of students is assigning daily homework. Whether teachers should assign homework or not, is the issue, which will be discussed. From my point of view, Students need to be managed by their teachers in out of school by giving them the homework, which would be helpful to understand whatever they have learnt in the school. It is not only giving the students the clear direction for the study, but help teachers to understand the educational condition of each student.

Daily homework helps students to be more active in both home and school. By doing everyday activities, students would be able to review whatever they learn in the school and find related answers which would be asked in the homework. Through it, they would be able to ask questions from parents or teachers about vague parts of their duties. The regular homework can encourage students to come up new questions about last topic in the classroom next day. In addition, being more active during the semester, help students to be more ready for the final exam.

Another advantage of assigning question to students is making a mutual relationship between teachers and students. By asking more questions about the topic, students would know how to make a strong connection with their teacher. Homework would clarify the educational condition of each student. As a matter of the fact, the ability of students to learn is different. Therefore, teachers would be able to measure student's abilities to learn by following their homework. As a result, they would know which student needs more attention. They also would be recognized that overall ability of student to learn studies is good or not. Consequently, a teacher will have a big picture of a class.

To sum up, based on above reasons mentioned, the consequence of assigning daily homework would be useful for both students and teachers. Teachers would recognize the total educational conditions of the students and students could understand their faults through reviewing their assignments by teachers.

Writing Feedback / Free time or money? Spending time with family brings more advantages for both workers and companies [3]

Hi Friends,
Please help me to find out my mistakes .

Which would you choose: a high-paying job with long hours that would give you little time with family and friends or a lower-paying job with shorter hours that would give you more time with family and friends? Explain your choice, using specific reason

Some companies pay wages base on the hours. Although some people plan to spend more hours daily and give high wage in order to fulfill their dreams in the future, others argue that it is better to work shorter in a week and spend time with their family. From my point of view, lower-paying job with shorter hours are would be better by following reasons.

First, Short hours working make more free time for people to do their other essential duties. With short hours work weekly, people can plan to hang out with their family and relatives. They would be able to spend more time with their children to understand their emotional needs and pay more attention to their educational conditions. Moreover, they also can check out their health condition, because they have enough time. People who work long hours in order to obtain high wage, by contrast, would not be able to pay attention to their family or children.

Second, Short-hours a week can also release the stress people have during a day. People can feel comfortable and enjoy when they work less daily. They also make fewer errors while they work. As a result, the efficiency and productivity of companies also would be increased.

However, the disadvantages of having low-wage cause some problems for the people. By increasing the household expenses, they have to hesitate more about buying some expensive goods and luxuries, they need to manage their living cost and so on.

In conclusion, the above stated reasons clearly show that spending time with family brings more advantages for both workers and companies. People, who work shorter, would be able to understand their family demands and would be able to manage company's tasks. However they would obtain lower payment, but they can change their habits and decrease the cost of living.

Writing Feedback / [Toefl] By excessive use of cars in the roads, the number of accident has increased. [4]

Hi every one , please give me your feedback about my essay:)

Some people think that the automobile has improved modern life. Others think that the automobile has caused serious problems. What is your opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

However, automobiles have an important effect on lifestyle as an comfortable vehicle, but as far as I am concerned about the negative effect of using this technology on quality of our life. Pollution, noisiness, and accidents are most important problems caused by cars, which affect both human and environment.

[...]

Writing Feedback / which one have an important role in order to success of students in school?classmate or parents? [9]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Classmates are more important influence than parents on a child's success in school. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

School is almost the second home for all students. Students learn many lessons from their classmate and teachers to succeed during living in the school. However, from my point of view, family's support is the main reason, which cause students become successful in the schools. Parents support their students financially and emotionally in order to make a suitable place for success of their children in the school.

To begin, parents support their children financially by sending them to top schools and providing children's demands. Without family's support, most children would never provide their own basic demands. Parents pay their expenses such as tuition, or buying their books, etc. There are few students, on the other hand, can provide their own needs by working out of school. However, most of these students could not continue their education because they could not focus on both their study and work.

Second, most parents show affection for their children while they are studying. They support their children emotionally during the school day by accompanying them everywhere. They try to help children to understand the studies. They always cooperate with teachers, who taught their children, by going to school repeatedly.

Parents are the the best models for their children. Children always try to copy their behavior, because parents have strong influence on their children. However, children may have close friends in their school, but they always try to learn the basic rules from their parents.

These are but a few reasons why parents have a key role to succeed of the students. However, other people can affect students to become successful in the school, but, as I mentioned before, School is the second home for students, therefore the first home have the basic and important position to provide basic demands, which are necessary for students to succeed.

Writing Feedback / Toefl - Replacing old buildings is important for any city but it should not affect historic houses [9]

Hi everyone, I need to help me to understand where this essay is well-organized or no?please give me your feedback about the mistakes
Thank you

Prompt
SHOULD A CITY TRY TO PRESERVE ITS OLD, HISTORIC BUILDINGS OR DESTROY THEM AND REPLACE THEM WITH MODERN BUILDINGS? USE SPECIFIC REASONS AND EXAMPLES TO SUPPORT YOUR OPINION.

It is important for any city to replace old buildings with new ones, but these revolutions should not include historic buildings. The historic buildings show the history of our ancestors. In addition, they can develop tourism industries by attracting tourists.

Historic buildings answer many questions, which are mysterious about our previous ancestors; thereby no one can determine the price of the historic buildings. They show the history of nations and previous generations who lived in the city. They show the lifestyle of people who lived in thousands of years ago. They show us how they survive, or how they defend themselves etc. By investigating about their structures, we can understand how much they knew about the architecture of building. In the other hand, historic buildings are important treasures, which provide an area to learn valuable lessons.

Another advantage of historic buildings is their capabilities to attract more tourists to the city. It is interesting for most people to know about the way people live in thousands years ago. Therefore, It is a valuable opportunities for any city having historic buildings to show them to new visitors. Historic building can develop other industries such as restaurants or other food industries and handicrafts shops and so on.

These are reasons that why we should preserve historic buildings in the city. They can benefit us financially by developing other industries. Moreover, they are the symbols of our nations, which can show the historical culture of our previous ancestors.

Writing Feedback / Toefl: work for themselves vs work for employer [5]

Hi everyone
Please help me to find my mistakes and errors ,I have just 45 days for being better in my important exam!
Some people prefer to work for themselves or own a business. Others prefer to work for an employer. Would you rather be self-employed, work for someone else, or own a business? Use specific reasons to explain your choice.

Most people want to work for an employer, because they want to feel secure about their salary, or feel comfortable about other problems of having own job such as paying tax, worrying about selling, etc. Despite these problems, personally, I would prefer to have my own job. My arguments are listed as follows.

First, time is the more valuable thing, which I have in my life. By having my own business, I can manage my own time. I could work whenever I want, or I do not need to give reasons to my boss for a delay. I can arrange time to travel when I would like. In addition, I can work long hours for earning more money. Totally, the most important reason for me to be self-employed is the sense of free.

Moreover, earning money is the fundamental reason that why people work. The amount of money is always the most important criterion for everyone to choose a job. If I work for other people, I have to give my ideas to employers cheaply. Therefore, I never have been rich in my life, because my salary is not dramatically changed. In spite of many problems of having own business, I can earn more money based on my creativity and personal ideas.

To sum up, in spite of the fact that many people are not eager to work for themselves, I would like to run my own business to control my own time, and to earn more money based on my noble ideas.