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Posts by Millin Gabani
Joined: Dec 10, 2012
Last Post: Dec 29, 2012
Threads: 10
Posts: 22  
From: India

Displayed posts: 32
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Millin Gabani   
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / My grandfather came to Surat at age of 19 / MIT - Family [3]

Describe the world you come from; for example, your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?(*) (200-250 words)

words in essay - 244

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Fifty years ago, Surat, the city I live in, was a dream place for many villagers of Gujarat as it opened up many jobs in diamond manufacturing industries. My grandfather came to Surat at age of 19 and started his career as a worker in one of the diamond manufacturing company. With is knowledge and intelligence, he has established his own diamond business.

My grandfather is not a high school graduate; in fact, none of the elder is a college graduate. As a result, education is considered with great respect in my family as well as in my society. From childhood I was determined to achieve a proper complete knowledge education, and my keen interests in studies have made it possible so far.

My grandfather has a special affectionate towards me. Thus I have decided to graduate from a world best engineering college to esteem my grandfather's love and support towards me. I want to become the best engineer of world and make my grandfather feel proud.

My family is a joint family and consists of my parents, grandparents, uncle, aunt, sister and two cousins. I my family we share our feelings with each other and support each other. I have always admired the helping nature of my family towards others, and my motive of engineering, that is to facilitate the life of people, has been inspired from this helping nature. My feeling towards my family and especially my grandfather has designed my dreams.

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Please give suggestions
Millin Gabani   
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / Creativity is one of my personal traits ; MIT - Attribute - Proud [2]

What attribute of your personality are you most proud of, and how has it impacted your life so far? This could be your creativity, effective leadership, sense of humor, integrity, or anything else you'd like to tell us about. (*) (200-250 words)

words in essay - 247

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Creativity is one of my personal traits that I am proud of. Creativity is carved deep inside me has changed my life at many moments so far. Creativity is that attribute of my personality that has provided me numerous opportunities to develop other attributes of my personality.

At first year of my high school, spark fest was introduced which was a combination of science exhibition, art exhibition and cultural dance. I was member of the Arts club and thus shared a responsibility with the co-members of club to decorate the school and to help the students to present their art. Many ideas like assigning the task to two different groups, one for each group, were discussed in meeting. In the discussion, I came with a creative idea to paint on walls instead of papers. The idea was deal breaker for all of us as it did both the tasks at one shot. I was made head of this project and later that following year I was made secretary of the Arts club. A creative idea was the reason behind my chance to be leader. Creativity was also the reason behind my success as a leader as I always used creativity in leading the club.

My creativity in doing the work has earned me many honors in field of arts as well as academics. I feel that creativity within me will be my stairway to achieve milestones in my engineering career, as an engineer must be a creator.

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Provide suggestion to improve the essay
Millin Gabani   
Dec 28, 2012
Undergraduate / Course 2-A of mechanical engineering department of MIT is an ideal program for me [4]

Although you may not yet know what you want to major in, which department or program at MIT appeals to you and why? (*) (100 words or fewer)

words in para - 98

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Course 2-A of mechanical engineering department of MIT is an ideal program for me. I love machines and the fundamental principles on which they work. My desire is to understand these rationales, apply them and disseminate them to the future generations as a professional. I also wish to contribute the people of the world with an easier, an advanced and a prosperous life by creating many chef-d'oeuvre (or should I use masterpieces) in machinery. To fulfill my dream which is to achieve a profound knowledge in mechanical engineering, I need to be bestow from the best engineering school of the world i.e. MIT.

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Please provide any grammatical errors in essay ? Also give your suggestion.
Millin Gabani   
Dec 28, 2012
Undergraduate / At four I played the piano ; Statement of Intent/McGill U/ Schulich School of Music [5]

Dear HeytisJenn

Sentence like this: 'I was four years old, when I was exposed to the world of music, playing the piano.'
means: 'I was exposed to the world of music when I was four years old playing the piano.'

There is a grammatical error in it. do you understand this phrase : ' I was four years old playing the piano'
It makes no sense.

Now easy way to interpret this type of sentence is to cut the lines in between the comma :
'I was four years old, when I was exposed to the world of music, playing the piano.'

so your sentence can be corrected as :
'At age of four, when I was first exposed to world of music, I played paino'
Millin Gabani   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / Drawing & Painting/ MIT - Pleasure [4]

We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it. (*)(100 words or fewer)

words in essay - 97


The sketching of pencil, scrubbing of brush and mingling of colors on a canvas give me intense pleasure; a pleasure that is ubiquitous everywhere and which lingers in each part of my body. Drawing and painting amuses me and it takes me to joyous world that I adore. My ideas and thoughts widen after I experience this delightful journey of art. While drawing or painting I feel myself as a completely different person with a new perspective and life. This gift of creative art from god is the best gift that I ever had in my life.

-Do I need to Expand?
-Also provide me with useful vocabulary as my essay lacks it .
-And anyone with any other correction is most welcome .

Millin Gabani   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / Khushboo Gujarat Ki; MIT - Cultural Background [5]

I do not understand zdv, how can I write about my culture and how it has shaped me in 100 words.
And also they do not mention anything like that . They just told please tell us more about cultural abackground and identity.
Millin Gabani   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / 'The Secret' by Rhonda Byrne; Princeton - Quote [3]

Dear salikron ,
The secret works. You must watch the movie or read the book which one you prefer. I am sure you will find success following you.
Millin Gabani   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / Khushboo Gujarat Ki; MIT - Cultural Background [5]

Please tell us more about your cultural background and identity in the space below (100 word limit). If you need more than 100 words

words in para - 98


As an Indian, I am proud of its rich and diversified culture. Gujarat is the state in which I was born and since then it is my home. Most of the families are joint family in Gujarat and that's the case with my family. We share and celebrate every moment of our life). We have a culture of joy lingering in Gujarat. Festivals like 'Diwali', 'Holi', 'Uttrayan', etc are secret behind our happiness. One innate talent that every 'Gujarati' (people of Gujarat) have is 'Garba'. It is a traditional dance performed during 'Navratri' festival (a nine day event).

Do it need to be more good to be in MIT or it is fine as it is?
Please provide suggestion how to improve it and educate me how to write best out of this .

Millin Gabani   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / 'The Secret' by Rhonda Byrne; Princeton - Quote [3]

Using a favorite quotation from an essay or book you have read in the last three years as a starting point, tell us about an event or experience that helped you define one of your values or changed how you approach the world. Please write the quotation, title, and author at the beginning of your essay.

Char available 5000

Char in essay - 4967

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"Joy, love, freedom, happiness, laughter. That's what it is. And if you just experience joy sitting there and meditating for an hour, by golly, do that. If you experience joy eating a salami sandwich, then do that!"

-'The Secret' by Rhonda Byrne

The above quote is said by Neale Donald Walsch which is quoted in 'The Secret'. The book reveals the great secret of life i.e. Law of Attraction. According this law, we attract what we feel. The quote by Walsch tells us that we should feel good to attract good and one way to manifest it is to do what we love. This book has been my core source of inspiration for past 6 years. Every time I read the book, I come closer to the Law of Attraction and using the Law of Attraction to manifest what I want in life. This year, I experienced the best part of the Law of Attraction which is to do what we love.

In March 2012, my grade 12 High School Certificate exams (HSC exam or final exams) were conducted. I was happy with my performance in exams. In April 2012, after the exams,it was time to prepare for competitive exams. The competitive exams are the entrance exams that are conducted by many good universities; the result of competitive exams is the only factor that is considered for the admission of students in these universities. The term "competitive exams" was framed because it created a competition among the students for getting admission in good universities. I was applying in three competitive exams and all the three exams were conducted in starting of May 2012 with three days gap provided for each exam.

By end of April 2012 my preparation for these exams were almost completed, but I could not attend the exams because of my ill health. I became victim of malaria. It caused so intense fever and weakness that I was discharged after nine days from the hospital. After I was cured, I requested the three committees of the competitive exam for a retest, but due to their terms and condition it was not possible. I was stressed and concerned about my engineering future.

After few days, my HSC exams result was announced. I graduated high school with excellent result. A ray of hope illuminated my life's dark room. I started to prepare a document consisting of my high school grades, extracurricular achievements and personal qualities and sent it with a request to some universities in which I wished to get enrollment. Months passed by and despite of my good result and extracurricular achievements I was not offered admission is any university.

My hope to get admitted in 2012 in a good university was almost shattered and then in 17th Aug 2012 I received a letter from dean of Nirma University with an admission offer. The letter stated that the admission team was impressed by my good academic and extracurricular performance. They requested me to visit university soon and pay fees and confirm admission as last due date of fees was 21 Aug 2012. My family was very excited to hear this news and I was feeling ebullient. We all started planning for packing and shopping essential for a freshman. After three days, I along my grandfather and father headed to Nirma University which was at a distance of 5 hour drive. We reached the university at 4:30 PM on 21st Aug 2012, the administrator informed us to pay fees by 5:30 PM that day as it was office closing time.

While heading to pay fees I felt a sudden panic. I discussed my feeling with my elders. My grandfather tried to explain me that the panic might be of leaving home or joining new community and he tried to persuade me to join the university (as many students after giving competitive exams did not receive admission in it). I knew from inside that it was not one of the panics my grandfather tried to explain. My heart was not willing to join university. I was thinking for an hour about the reason of panic but did not found it. When the university's office closing time was near, my father asked me that what I had decided. He said "son, what do you feel? ". The word 'feel' was epiphany for me to make my decision. I remembered the quote from the book and it lingered in my mind as if suggesting me to feel good. After considering the facts and feelings, I decided to leave for home.

I was relaxed from inside, my panic and fear vanished. While travelling back to home I was thinking that why I was relieved form inside despite my future dream of engineering was not fulfilled. While thinking I realized that my desire was to do engineering form a world renowned university. My dream was to study from the best university in the world and excel in my dreams. Thus link by link the mystery was solved why my heart acted abnormally.

Now, life is clear in front of me. I had learned to make decisions by my own. The book also taught that if one decide to follow the inner joy of his life, the universe give him what he adore. I would like the reader of the essay to once read the book or watch the movie - 'The Secret'.

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Please provide any grammatical errors in essay ? Also give your suggestion.
Millin Gabani   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / Charity work in Nicaragua; Princeton Supp/ Event or Experience [3]

Try to mention the help of your towards the other students in charity essay
and you passion about computer in BSE essay. It is okay to mention something in a essay that you have detailed about in other essay but never write same sentence in both essays. and never detail same idea in both essay.

Looking forward to check your essay
Millin Gabani   
Dec 25, 2012
Undergraduate / My Passion & Desire; Princeton - Why Engineering [NEW]

If you are interested in pursuing a B.S.E. (Bachelor of Science in Engineering) degree, please write a 300-500 word essay describing why you are interested in studying engineering, any experiences in or exposure to engineering you have had, and how you think the programs in engineering offered at Princeton suit your particular interests.

Total char - 4000

Essay char - 3918

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Science has been by favorite subject throughout my school life. Science intrigued me as I was keen in knowing scientific reasons behind any experiments or happenings. My good skills in mathematics helped me to solve the science related math questions quickly Thus I was able to evaluate more types of these questions in a day than any other student in my class. My contribution in science was about 7-8 hours in a day. This created a strong interest for science inside me.

As I reached my high school science divided into Physics, Chemistry and Biology. Biology seemed to be boring to me. Thus I selected Physics and Chemistry for my further high school studies. I was interested in both Physics and Chemistry, but my concern for physics was more. In Physics, the mechanics part grabbed most of my attention. I became fond of the machines and its capability to do a work accurate and so I decided to be an engineer.

My first encounter with machines tremendous power was when I went to my father's factory for first time. It was a diamond manufacturing factory. There were several kinds of machines in there - some for polishing, some for cleaning, some for marking and others for cutting diamonds. The machines did the work in a systematic and rhythmic way, as if they were military troops following order of their leader and marching in a disciplined manner. I loved to watch the machines working in the factory and it became my holidays visiting spot. As I grew, I began to ask my father about the function of each machine and whenever an engineer comes for monthly service of machines I asked him about principle used behind the machines. I founded it fascinating to watch the programs involving marvelous work of machines on discovery channel, TLC, etc. My affectionate towards engineering engaged me in conducting small science experiments that helped me understand the concepts of science and engineering more effectively. I began to repair the defected switch board, electric fuse board, water filter leaking pipe in my house. My involvement in activities marked my enthusiasm towards engineering. This way my interest for it was developed, and for my strong zeal towards engineering I desire to contribute the world with the machines that will help its people and itself to live, enhance and prosper more.

My engineering passion persuaded me to join a mechanical workshop or a factory for internship during summer vacations. But in India and particularly in my city, I was unlikely to find any type of internship and job that are for students and which help them to learn about engineering. But this did not restrict my dream, I wanted to understand the concepts of engineering, and thus I started to take tour of factories that made machines and learned concepts of mechanics form them. My experiences by visiting the factories were awesome.

My desire is to persuade engineering graduation from a world renowned university, and according to my research Princeton University is proved to be one of rare university which is also ranked among the top universities in world. According to Princeton's website, its faculties which are among the best in the United Stated of America, consists of the dedicated professors who have accomplished the most in their fields, who will provide their students all the support they need. In Addition to this, the community of students that Princeton University will provide me will not only consist of good friends but will also include the students that are talented and have similar interest that I have. Princeton's strength in liberal arts will be perfect platform for me to continue my passion in arts, painting and other core curriculums. Moreover program of study at Princeton emphasizes on engineering's scientific principles, and it will provide many opportunities for me to shine in my career. Thus Princeton is an ideal university for my dreams to come true.

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Please provide the grammatical errors, good vocabulary and other suggestions in my essay.
Millin Gabani   
Dec 25, 2012
Scholarship / "I was always fascinated by the world of science" ; Motivation letter Epic program [2]

I was always fascinated by the world of science where mysteries become facts , my passion towards science and biology grew biggerincreased and entitled me to win the National Biology Pioneers contest for Syrian secondary school , and later on I graduated with a Bachelor degree in Pharmacy and pharmaceutical chemistry from Damascus university , one of the highly competitive programs in my country with a very good GPA.
Millin Gabani   
Dec 23, 2012
Undergraduate / Princeton - Summer - Trips - Activities - Engineering - UG [NEW]

topic--Please tell us how you have spent the last two summers (or vacations between school years), including any jobs you have held, if not already detailed on the Common Application....

2500 char limit

essay is of 2450 char

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I am always blissful during summer vacations as it grants me to pursue all the activities that I adore and for which I usually do not have time due to my rote routine school life.

I love to spend time with my loved ones and summer holidays are perfect for spending time with them. We spend more time in sharing our day to day experience, thoughts, feelings, etc. In my family, it has been a tradition to go on a trip during each summer. In summers of 2011 we went to Kashmir, the world's most marvelous place, in a purpose to explore the beauty of nature. We have had a ride on shikara (a type of boat) in the Dal Lake, visited top of a mountain peak and been to numerous sightseeing in the trip. The crystal clear river, the pure white ice and the lovely atmosphere in Kashmir was just amazing. In contrast to the purpose of our Kashmir trip in 2011, the purpose of our Mumbai trip, in summers of 2012, was shopping. We also visited water kingdom and Gateway of India during our Mumbai trip. It was lovely experience.

After the trips, I spend the remaining days of my vacation by engaging in my favorite activities. I regularly play tennis at 6:30 in morning at Sarita Sagar Club. Often on a large gathering of members in the club we held a small knockout tournament among us which results in to a lot of fun. I also play volleyball during night with my friends in our society club.

Beside this, I also spent my time in the backyard of my home drawing and painting. This helps me to refresh my mind and relax myself. The drawing and painting gives me time to escape from worldly stress and help me to explore my inner thinking and feelings.

My engineering passion has engaged me in making small science models which are made using the garbage and waste of home. I am inspired by Arvind Gupta who has mastery in making science models from garbage. To continue my engineering passion I have also visited to Lexus Machinery, world's one of the leading company is making machines that are used in diamond manufacturing process, where I learned different purposes of different machines used in diamond manufacturing. Mr. Janak Mistry head of Lexus Machinery himself explained me the purposes of all these machines, as he was a childhood friend of my father. I was astonished by the accuracy of diamond laser cutting machine and the engineering involved in it to produce the result.

Summers are always full of new experiences and opportunity for me.
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Please help me to improve the essay.Find any grammatical error . And provide any suggestion for Essay.
Millin Gabani   
Dec 23, 2012
Undergraduate / Apply Texas A&M( an essay about someone who has made an impact on your life) [2]

@Z2013
Remove the For me in first para. Also I would help you to use proper symmetry in your essay :
If you dont konw what is symmetry in grammer here is example:

I want to swim and skating
I want to swim and to skat

Now here is small correction in your essay that I have made:
For me, I have also met person who impacted me positively and changed the way I think.

Did you notice the blue words in above sentence that contribute to symmetry of the sentence.

Your essay need a lot of this kind of work and I could not understand your motive of your first para of essay . If you want me to guide you properly through opening of the essay then write the first para in simple words in simple words and I will guide you to write it.

Just write in simple words.
Millin Gabani   
Dec 23, 2012
Undergraduate / I have spent half of my lunch breaks sitting in the physics lab; princeton supplement [4]

eng_geek
you should not include your 3rd grade Question and Answer, It feels that u are expanding the essay to increase word count. You can however menton that your physics teacher was the one who taught you the basics concepts like gravity even you were too small, as you have taken intrest in physics
Millin Gabani   
Dec 23, 2012
Undergraduate / STEVE JOBS - Significant person form history; Common App Personal essay [4]

Thank you kativ and dumi. My writing is weak as I am from India and your help have allow me improve my essay.
This is what I have corrected not much just removed the grammatical errors.

Kativ and dumi, please evaluate my essay again to find any errors.

@kativ as suggested by I tried to increase my life's part in essay and reduce Steve's part but I was not able to do it, please provide me further details how to do so.

@kativ when chekin the essay now , please notice the (or .... ) type of brackets . The bracket provide an alternate word for the word preciding the bracket. Please guide me which to use , the one in bracket or the one outside it.
Millin Gabani   
Dec 19, 2012
Undergraduate / STEVE JOBS - Significant person form history; Common App Personal essay [4]

Topic --- Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influence. (250-500 Words)

words in essay - 508

Start------------------------------------------------------------ ----- ----------------------------------------------------------------- ----- ----------------------------------------------------------------- ----- -----------------------------------------------

"The Father of Digital Revolution" - Steve Jobs has been my paragon from past 9 years. I had become buff of him since I saw imprints of his personality in the movie - The Pirates of Silicon Valley in 2005.

Jobs is known as apotheosis of electronic products. He is widely recognized for his mastery in innovation and perfection in design in his products. He is also referred to as "legendary" and a "futurist" in many of magazines. I am highly inspired by his unique achievements in technology and creation of ideas and I am determined to achieve similar accomplishment in my engineering career.

Beside his inventions and technical advancements, his biography has also influenced me significantly in my life. Jobs was removed from his managerial duties in Apple Incorporation and thus he resigned from his own company. He started his journey again and founded NeXT Incorporation and made tremendous profit. When Apple Inc. faced economical crises, the board members of Apple Inc. called Steve Jobs back. He returned to Apple Inc. as an advisor, and took control over company as an interim CEO. Jobs brought Apple from near bankruptcy to profitability in just two years. I was stunned when I find these crises faced by Jobs. Jobs stated in a speech that being fired from apple was best thing that happened to him and then he explained that how the circumstances helped him to start his life again as a beginner which helped him to enter the most creative periods of his life.

His strong spirit and determination to look for positive points have encouraged me to face many aggravating and unmanageable situations by providing me the bright side of each situation and steps necessary to cope up with them. Jobs has become an paradigm for me to overcome almost all the circumstances.

At age of 12, in my grade 6, my grades in tests started to drop. I was worried about my final results as my performance in the test was decreasing significantly. I was baffled and could not find the reasons for decline of my grades. Frustration developed inside me by the mystery of falling grades. Despite of my extreme effort my grades did not improve. While thinking about my life's difficult position I remembered position of Steve Jobs in his life's crises. I realized that if a man can overcome such a vast depression, I can emphatically overcome this situation. I decided to take path of Jobs and start over again to find the capability I had to understand studies. My many concepts were cleared that I did not understood earlier, but it did not improve my grades as I was studying the course that need to be done earlier. It took me almost a year to level my grades and then I learned this skill to annihilate the mistakes I used to make earlier. In next two years I was among the top academic student of my class. Jobs not only changed my grades but he also gave me new perspective to live a life.

end-------------------------------------------------------------- ----- ----------------------------------------------------------------- ----- ----------------------------------------------------------------- ----- -----------------------------------------------

Please provide me ideas how to shorten it ,also help me find grammar errors and provide good vocabulary need for this essay.
Millin Gabani   
Dec 19, 2012
Writing Feedback / although some works may be rewarding, social life has more influence on people [2]

colin
The over all essay is good but this correction I feel necessary to replace this opening:

With the tempo of life accelerating, we have entered an era when happiness is a very difficult thing. While some people argue that working for jobs is the foundation of happiness, I think that participating in social activity, which is at the heart of people's life, is a more important source of happiness.

With this :

With the tempo of life accelerating, we have entered an era when happiness is a very difficult thing. While some people argue that working for jobs is the foundation of happiness, I personally feel that participating in social activity bring internal joy to people and thus is a more important source of happiness.
Millin Gabani   
Dec 18, 2012
Undergraduate / Art acts as a medium of escape for me/ Common App - Extracurricular [3]

Topic is - Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).

Please some one review it

Characters - 914 ( with space )

In my mundane life with various extracurricular involved, art acts as a medium of escape for me form the worldly activities. I spend all my summer holidays painting in the backyard of my home. While painting I visit a different world that is far away from this stressful world. The sketching of pencil on the surface of canvas starts my journey to this new world. While sketching I feel as a completely different person with a new perspective and new life; I become the person that I want to be. The mingling of colors gives me intense pleasure; a pleasure that is ubiquitous in my each part of body and all the stress and tension are annihilated. The spreading of paint by scrubbing of brush on the surface of canvas completes my musingly journey and bring me back with enormous internal delight that engraves all over my body. I have been drawing for past 13 years and it has always cleared my path to happiness.

-I want correction for bold line .
-Do I need to Expand?
-Also provide me with useful vocabulary as my essay lacks it .
-And anyone with any other correction is most welcome .
Millin Gabani   
Dec 11, 2012
Undergraduate / CU boulder essay; influential person - parents; My father has taught me lessons in life [5]

Try to get the points more straightly, instead of going round and round and avoid the sentence like " who i am today ". For instance:

"The people that have shaped me into who I am today and who have had the greatest influence on my life so far would be my parents

can be better understood if written this way :

"My Parents have had greatest influence on my life so far, they are the one who shaped my personality."
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