Scholarship / How has the situation in Mongolia affected me and my family? Why University of X? [2]

My country, Mongolia, has an area of 1 565 000 squared kilometers, poorly developed infrastructure and slightly 3000 000 population are scattered throughout the country. The Mongolian Health delivery system is challenged by the country's extremely low population density over a large territory. There are fewer hospitals with equipped enough professionals and instruments. At present, information technology is poorly developed in the Mongolian Health Sector. Mostly, this sector is dominated by large public hospitals that are used to operating in their own traditional way. Every hospital uses their own small hospital information software, but there is still no integration, and they cannot exchange patient data with each other. Also, they still cannot integrate some diagnostic results data, such as CT and MRI, into their computer system. Even in the most developed areas, we still have the same problems as many years before. The patients with extreme health situation are faced several difficulties such as having early proper diagnose and treatment. Furthermore our country has already documented the high level of Non communicable diseases. It is obvious that reaching health professionals for professional consultation was always a challenge for nomadic herders who live a long distance away from cities or provincial capitals. There are still many patients could not be diagnosed at early stages of the diseases and lost their life. This situation happened to my family also.

In 2008, my father was died because of lung cancer. He was living in countryside and he had been feeling bad with his health situation during several months and could not be diagnosed at hospital of province. After worsening his health situation badly, he came to the capital city and diagnosed that he had a cancer. When we knew the right diagnose of disease, it was too late to take any step and after 2 months later of diagnosis, he passed away. The same thing happened to my sister's husband in last year. My sister's husband, who had been lived in countryside, was feeling bad during about 1 year and could not be diagnosed correctly, also. When he came to the capital city in spring 2014, he diagnosed that he had a cancer in stomach. He had an operation but after 3 months later of the operation, he passed away. The doctors said the death of his was because of the late diagnosis even though he had an operation. This is the just example happened to my family. There are many occurrences like what happened to my father and brother, especially for patients who live away from capital city.

Realizing the importance and the necessity to constantly upgrade my professional knowledge in this age of rapid development of information technology in order to be a master in this field, I decided to study for advanced level in IT or computing since it would be vital for my further academic and career development. I have a plan to work as a project leader of large software systems or IT projects.

After completing my postgraduate study, I expect myself to be managing the IT projects related with information technology integration into the healthcare systems in Mongolia. As we know, the best way to delivering healthcare service is to develop a usage of IT in health sector. Based on this issue, our government developed a master plan to reduce non communicable diseases by developing a health sector. One section of this strategic plan is to prepare advanced IT professionals. I have decided to be one of who can contribute valuable share to the development of Mongolian health sector by integrating latest developments of IT into this sector. Consequently, it is my future working area. Also, it's the way to accomplish my childhood dream by helping people who suffered by diseases indirectly. I expect myself to be a project leader for developing healthcare information systems. This kind of program would not only save money and time but could also prevent unwanted early death. Currently, our country has achieved for the instalment of internet and mobile phone network system almost all over the country. If we can introduce efficient e-health program which are able to share health records between hospitals and doctors using wireless or high speed internet network, many patients who lived away from cities could be diagnosed in the early stages of diseases by sending diagnosis results directly to responsible doctors.

Well planned, efficiently managed projects can bring the sector to its next development level. I have a strong belief that my past experience in IT field and earned knowledge and skills from MSc Information Technology Management course at University of X will allow me to accomplish my target.

I decided to study at University of X because the entire University's focus on bridging the gap between the academic program and industry by joining research skills with issues of practicing managers reflects my devotion to implementing my ideas with practical advances. UK is the one of the countries, that the e-health technology is highly developed, therefore I believe while I am studying there, I would have an opportunity to study real practice experiences on IT usage in health sector.

The "X" Scholarship is the great opportunity for me to achieve my future career goals. Without any funding or scholarship, I am unable to study for the postgraduate degree because of financial hardship. Therefore, this scholarship is the only way for me to study for postgraduate degree at University of X. If I would get a scholarship, I would be able to study not only an advanced academic knowledge but also expand my horizons internationally. I strongly believe in that by studying for postgraduate degree, I would have a wealth of opportunities and improve my quality of life in future. Therefore, being a scholarship recipient of University of X would be my greatest achievement for my future career.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Development of a country Vs pollution and environmental damage [4]

In many cases the development of a country is accompanied by pollution and environmental damage. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Can it be simply avoided if the country takes an environmentally friendly approach?

In the modern world, the pollution and damage to environment is increasing at an alarming rate. The environmental hazard and air pollution are mainly caused by factories which are responsible for producing waste polluted by chemicals, emission of gases, and an increasing population's activities. It is considered that environmental pollution is widely observed in developing or developed countries due to modern industrialized society. Personally, I agree with this idea that country's development leads more effects and pollution to the environment. This essay will look at some of the factors which causes pollution and effects on nature and discuss some ways to avoid them.

Along with a country's development, many factories and industries are built which add to the ever increasing population. Many factories use chemicals in their production process and produce waste to the environment. Also, as country develops, the living standard of its nation's is also increasing and as a consequence, usage of private vehicle is greatly rising. Gas emissions from industries and exhaust fumes from cars affect greatly to the air pollution and they are considered the main factors which lead to global warming. As the human population increases, we are also producing ever greater quantities of waste, which contaminates the earth and pollutes rivers and oceans.

However, I believe that countries can avoid future's devastating hazard related to the polluted air and damaged environment by introducing environmental friendly approach in their development. Governments could introduce laws to limit emissions from factories or to force companies to use renewable energy from solar, wind or water power. They could also promote public transports by making them sufficient enough, fast and cheaper, and building them roads without traffic. If public transport can have more advantages than using private vehicle, people would prefer to use it instead of riding own vehicle. Also recycling of waste is very important. Therefore countries could have to focus to build more factories for recycling of waste.

In conclusion, we should keep our planet by reducing pollution and damage to the environment and making it friendly to live. I strongly believe that there are many ways to avoid nature's pollution, such as by reducing gas emissions from industries, by encouraging public transport and by reusing and recycling in order to help to reduce waste.

Writing Feedback / Economic growth is defined as an increase in the number of goods and services produced in one year [5]

Economic progress is one way to measure the success of a country. Some people think there are other factors. What other factors should be considered?

Economic growth is defined as an increase in the number of goods and services produced in an economy in one year. Therefore, many people argue that the nation's success is measured by its economic progress. However, I believe that there are many other factors to estimate country's success such as education level of nation, health care system, and country's infrastructure's development.

Education is one of vital factors to contribute to development of country. With highly educated, talented employees, companies could achieve more success by increasing their productivities. Employees, who gained good academic knowledge and educated well, would have more potentials to create new ideas to promote the productivity of a company than others who are not educated. Therefore, knowledge level of nation would be very important for country's growth of economics.

Also, health status of nation is another important factor of its development. If country has good medical service, as a result, people would be more healthy and happy which help them to work more productive.

A final but most important indicator which influences country's economic growth is its infrastructure's development. Highly developed infrastructure boosts the growth of economic progress. For example, well developed road chains enable companies to increase the distribution of finished products to markets, transportation of raw materials to factories and as a consequence, production and services produced by companies are increased. This ensures that the infrastructure is the vital factor of measurement of a country's success.

In summary, however, growth of economic is main factor which is estimates the success of a country, there are other important factors to measure its prosperity such as education and health status of nation, and development of country's infrastructure.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Academic essay: Old people take a while to begin using new technology such as mobile [5]

Old people take a while to begin using new technology, such as mobile phones. Why do you think this is happening? Suggest ways to encourage them to use mobile phones and new technology for their benefit.

Nowadays, we are living in era of rapidly developing technology. Technology has been greatly used in our daily processes and becoming a vital part of our lives. Greatly increasing usage of modern communication system such as mobile phones requires all of us to be familiar with its functionalities. However, some people, specially elders have trouble on learning about new technologies such as mobile phones, because of their health issues and other knowledge related problems.

Mobile phones usually have small sized letters on their small buttons. We all know that when people are getting older, their sight are usually worsening and as a consequence, it is difficult them to read letters in small size. Also, elder people usually easy to forget about new things they learn because human's memory is also worsening as long as age goes. Therefore, it takes more time to elders to be familiar with mobile phone usage than do youngsters. That is the first reason why elders consume more time on beginning of usage of new technologies.

Another main factor which makes elders to be unfamiliar with modern new technologies is their knowledge-related problem. Today, all mobile phones have letters in English. It is hard to memorize foreign language letters for elders who live in non-English speaking country if they do not know English. For example, it is common in my country, Mongolia, that elders usually use mobile phones only for making and receiving calls. They do not totally use other functions such as messaging because of lack of English knowledge.

But we do not need to blame elders for being unfamiliar with or spending more time on usage of modern technology. Instead of, we have to seek ways to promote their usage of modern technologies by making it more comfortable and easy to use. For example, if manufacturers design mobile phones with some special features such as making letter's size bigger, all elders would be found it easy to use. Also, it would be great for them if mobile phones have letters of local language of countries in keyboards.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Academic essay: Is nuclear energy is better source of power? [5]

Nuclear energy is a better source of power for today's global energy needs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

One great invention in energy production is nuclear power which produces huge amounts of energy from small amounts of fuel, without the pollution getting from burning fossil fuels. Although it offers a number of advantages in energy source and environment, it is also a dangerous technology which can be lead to a dreadful hazard to the world such as nuclear disaster. However, I strongly believe that the advantages of nuclear energy largely outweigh the disadvantages.

Although, nuclear energy produces less waste, loss of its would be a major disaster. As stated in scientific surveys, the radioactivity of leakage of atomic power is spent more than thousands of years to be die away. The radiation has large negative impacts on nature as well as human health. For example, we all know about the consequences of Chernobyl power plant accident.

On the other hand, nuclear power is acclaimed greatly by its environmental friendly aspect. Traditional ways of power production produces great amounts of smoke or carbon dioxide which is becoming one of main factor of global warming and environmental pollution. In contrast to this, nuclear energy does not produce this element, so it does not contribute to the greenhouse effect. Furthermore, nuclear energy uses small amounts of fuel to produce huge amounts of power. Therefore it is very useful since the natural resources are limited.

In summary, to keep our environment safe and friendly to live, we have to choose better ways of power production such as nuclear energy. Also we should keep looking for ways to make it safer.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Academic essay: Is increasing working hours leads to economic success? [4]

Some people say that increasing working hours leads to economic success, but there are also some disadvantages to it. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this point of view?

Profit maximization is main goal of any company. The extending productivity of company is vital part for profit maximization.
It is traditionally believed that productivity is linked to longer working hours. Although, from one side, a working overtime affects on productivity of company, which leads to growth of economic success, I believe that increased working hours would lead to social and health issues such as family problems related lack of time-balance and stress related health issues.

Physical health is vital thing for all people in society. Healthy man can have more productivity than others who have health issues. Overtime working usually leads person to feel bad with health condition after some time and this becomes a basis of future diseases. For example, computer programmers usually spend all their working time on sitting behind computer. Spending long time on working with computer each day affects person's sight and usually leads to feel pain in back because of restricted muscle movements. When starting to feel pain in his body, no one cannot work as he was before, as a consequence, the production of individuals would be decreased. This is one of two important reasons why I believe long working hours is not good choice for better productivity.

Also, when spending most of their time at workplace, people would be loose their time-balance for relaxing, enjoying and staying with their family. People must be relaxed well and recharged before the next working day. Also they must have time for enjoying in daily-life related activities and events in order to feel happiness of life. Furthermore, paying less attention on family members, especially on children, is worsening the relationship between people and makes it difficult to understand each other well.

In conclusion, overtime working can become a main factor of difficulties in human's life such as deterioration of health condition and lack of time-balance. Therefore, I strongly believe that long working hour could not be the vital part of increasing economic success.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Academic essay: Is academic qualifications important than personal life experience a [5]

Some say that it is more important for employers to consider academic qualifications rather than personal life experience and values when hiring an employee. Do you agree or disagree? What are positive and negative aspects of the issue?

Company's success partially depends on employees who work there. Hiring right person for right job position is one of the main factors affecting to company's future success. Therefore, companies should pay more attention on hiring an employee who is most suitable for the position. Selection process of hiring an employee depends on several candidate-related factors. Some people argue that an academic qualification of job candidate is more important than its personal life experience and values, while others oppose to this idea. In my point of view, both of views supportable because both of them have advantages and disadvantages.

In many job position the academic knowledge person gained through his education is the fundament of his future working and pursuing knowledge. For example, software programmers usually work on coding to develop the right solution by planning most appropriate algorithm. This ability usually requires individuals to be good at computing and math. Therefore, programmer's capability depends heavily on his academic qualifications.

On the other hand, however academic qualification of candidate is important, personal experience and values must be consider first for some kind of job position. For example, it could not be appropriate choice for teachers of kinder garden to require best academic qualifications regardless his personal experience. Teachers of kinder garden must be good carefulness with children. In my opinion, the person who has a personal life or previous work experience with children can work, care and educate children more carefully than one without any experience with child.

In conclusion, academic qualification, personal experience and values of job candidate are main factors for making decision in hiring employee. Therefore, when hiring an employee, making decision based only one of these factors might be imperfect solution for some kind of job position.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Academic essay: Modern communication systems benefit many people yet there are some [3]

Modern communication systems benefit many people yet there are some that oppose to them. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, modern technological developments in many fields are bringing enormous changes in our daily lives than it was in earlier centuries. One of the greatest technological developments mostly affected to human beings life is modern communication system. Even many people compliment the benefits of modern communication systems, there are some individuals who disagree with its gaining. Overall, I disagree with the second opinion, I would like to express my view by pointing out some advantages of modern communication systems.

Today, the communication methods are becoming more easy to use with range of selection and shortening distance. We connect with people easily through internet or telephone regardless of distance between places. For example, we can use chat applications like skype to connect person in different places and they give us a possibility to talk and see him/her like we are next to him/her. Therefore, advanced development in communication makes distance between places more shortened.

Another great achievement of modern communication system is its relatively low cost and time-saving aspect. For example, a half century ago, it was time consuming, costly process to gain higher degree in foreign countries. Thanks to today's rapid development of internet communication, people pursue an high education online attending in universities in abroad. This great chance saves time and costs related to travel, live and study in foreign country.

In conclusion, high developments of modern communication systems make tremendous changes in people's living throughout world. It gives us some great advances in our communication style, education and knowledge by saving time, money and shortening distance.

Writing Feedback / IELTS : Modern technology has an influence on schools today! [2]

Modern technology has an influence on schools today. Do you think teachers will still have a role in 2050 or the study process will be completely computerised?

Nowadays, rapidly developing technology has bringing tremendous changes on today's world. Technology affects our daily lives in everything that we do; it saves time, makes communication more easily and also affects on way to learning.

Thanks to modern technological development, it might be becoming easy to pursue an education by attending to school or university online. It is common today that people attend courses or trainings by online. It helpful by saving time and shortening distance; people can learn in universities by online even they are in different continent. Children also could attend to online courses for their additional learning or homework. Also with advanced development of technology, children might learn subjects by internet using wide source of online materials. Therefore, technological development gives us wider possibility on learning than was before.

However, teacher's role in education is could not be omitted specially for children. Teachers have an important role not only on pursuing knowledge, but also on becoming an individual. By attending in class and interacting with teacher and other students, children learn important communication skills such as how to interact with others, how to work together on tasks and how to express their opinion. The communication skill with others is the vital part of human's life in society to be an independent individual.

Also, modern technology cannot replace the human totally. Computers might not have an ability to express emotions like a teacher and students. The one of important character of human's life is the way to expressing its emotion and makes others to understand his state.

In my view, however technological development brings us wide range of possibility and advance in human beings daily life, it could not replace the human totally. Therefore, in 2050, teacher's role will still have an important role on children's education and their future social standing.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Academic essay: Some people believe money is a less important factor than free time [5]

Some people believe money is a less important factor than free time for quality of life. What do you think about it? What other factors are necessary to live a good quality of lifestyle?

Individuals have different perception about what is the good quality of life. In my point of view, the good quality of life means how much person satisfied with its living conditions. How much satisfaction get person might be the measurement of his happiness. High satisfaction always leads to feel happy. Satisfaction of one's life is determined by many factors such as good jobs which could earn lots of money, good physical health, high education and enough free time to enjoy one's life. All of these factors are have their role in quality of life.

One factor that might affect having a good quality of life is having enough money. It can be bought by money the things, such as nice big house, someone wants which means he/she can have a good quality of life. Money can be used also for pursuing higher education which is one main factor for finding good job with lots of earning. Some people who want to study for higher level in best universities abroad could not study because of their financial situation even they have full of potential to study. It is common for people who are in poor or developing countries.

However money is the one of vital part of good quality of life, spending all the time for giving attention just in pursuing money is not the good way for living. People get more happiness when enjoying with the activities they interested and time spending with their close one or family members. When just working for money and spending all time for this goal makes one's life boring and loneliness at the end. Having an enough free time to spend for its loved ones or its favorite activities makes human to feel happy at the end.

Another aspect of having a good quality of life is the place and environment you live in. Living in clean, comfortable and free of fear places helps to feel satisfied in current living condition.

In conclusion, quality of life depends on many factors and all of them have their essential role in human beings' lifestyle. In my view, the most important factor of good quality of life is the mental and physical health. There is a Mongolian proverb "Most important happiness in human's life is its health". Being robust and healthy, person could work and study for further pursuit of happiness.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Academic essay: Some people think that we can use as much fresh water as we want. [5]

Some people think that we can use as much fresh water as we want. Others think that fresh water supply should be controlled strictly by governments as the sources are limited. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Water is the essential source of life in our universe. All living creatures including human beings, plants and animals are impossible to live without water. This colorless, flavorless liquid is the natural gift giving to all the living things in the earth. Throughout the centuries since the first creation of life in universe, human beings have been using fresh water for their's daily life without any limits and restrictions. In recent years, there are arising an alarm that the resource of fresh water are decreasing. Some individuals think that governments should control the fresh water consumption in order to conserve its resource. Others argue that humans should use fresh water how much they want to use. All of these views have both of advantages and disadvantages.

The governments can control water consumption by lawmaking. In my opinion, the one way to control the fresh water consumption is to make it costly high. In this case, people cannot use fresh water wastefully and in the consequence, there will be significant benefit for conservation of fresh water. However, poor people will struggle with fresh water consumption because of their financial situation. The high cost of water makes them hardly to survive without enough usage of fresh water.

On the other side, water consumption without any restrictions leads many people to use fresh water inefficient way. For example, some people use fresh water for washing their cars. In the consequence of limitless usage of fresh water, there is an alarm on decreasing fresh water resource.

In conclusion, we all should have to conserve the fresh water because it's the vital part of our life. Governments should pay attention on fresh water consumption by restricting its inefficient usage. The most important step to keep the resource of fresh water is to keep the natural resources which are the essential for water resource . By conserving our planet's fresh water resource, we can save our life in planet.