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Posts by Adamtong
Name: 童浩南
Joined: Sep 12, 2014
Last Post: Oct 3, 2014
Threads: 9
Posts: 30  
From: China
School: Beijing University of Posts and Telecommunicationsations (BUPT)

Displayed posts: 39
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Adamtong   
Oct 3, 2014
Writing Feedback / Response to an article "Struggle for perfection" [3]

Perfection is always a good word in my dictionary. However this passage provide me a totally different view and really persuades me. This is a great essay,and congratulations.

Media has set a bar for women. Each woman will be judged on these standards. Society is profoundly influenced by media who portrays that every woman must look like a supermodel. If she fails to fit in the society's description of a beautiful woman, she won't be considered pretty, even if her character is good. Women try their best to attain the aesthetics of a model. During this pursuit they develop eating disorders due to high stress and damage their figure miserably; looking even more horrible than before.

The most impressive part of this essay is about the argument about domestic abuse. This really happens in my daily life. From girls to my mom, they always doubt if they are fat and diet occasionally. This reflects the philosophy nowadays.
Adamtong   
Oct 3, 2014
Writing Feedback / The value of plans. Toefl exam. [6]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? As modern life becomes more complex, it is essential for young people to have the ability to plan and organize.

Our teachers instilled the value of plans into us since the first day we sit in a classroom. We are asked to use specific notebooks to plan daily life. It could be a plan about as simple as the order to do homework tonight, or as complex as the way we spend a period of time, like a holiday. With a plan, my life is in order and some vague goals turn out to be divided into a few practical procedures step by step. Having experienced the benefits of a plan, I would always make a plan for an event in my life.

A practical plan comes from a serious assessment of yourself objectively. In other word, making a valid plan is a process to realize who you are and what you really want. You are supposed to analyze your advantage and disadvantage in an assignment and find out what is need to reach your goal, and based on that assessment, you can make a clever plan before you start a project. As students, I am familiar with this situation. Before a exam, I would like to make a plan leading our revision. I would ask myself which subject I am not good at and which chapter is estimated obviously by my professors. I would also make a time schedule reminding me where I am in a revision. This is important, because we am familiar with ourselves much better than anyone else. With a delicate and detailed plan, we just make clear what is our weakness and build a solution to that. This solution makes us focus on our goal, the exam. Distraction such us computer games or football are more likely to be avoided since what you should do could simply depend on your schedule.

Admittedly, a spontaneous decision seems much easier than a boring and exhausting plan sometimes. I would say that depends. If you are going to relax, then there is no problem to make a spontaneous decision at the moment. In fact, decision basing on your emotion at the moment is a good part of a relax. However, in cases we are facing a serious problem or project, a plan always helps.

Young people are facing with a lot of huge challenges in this complex world, and a exam seems not a big deal sometimes. Plan is a good tool for us solving these troubles and shines the way to a solution. I don't want to live in a lazy life whole life, so I believe it is essential for young people to have the ability to plan and organize.

Dear forum, I'm sorry if you think i am not honest and do no respect your regulation. I promise I will give a serious feedback to others' essay from now on. Sorry again.
Adamtong   
Oct 2, 2014
Writing Feedback / GRE issue: As we acquire more knowledge, things do not become more comprehensible? [4]

This is quite a good essay.
You have use specific details and supporting materials to support you point. While this world filling with more information nowadays, a problem solved often means a new problem emerges.

But, yes, we also have a more intense sense of confusion about ...

This sentence is weird, and not supported well by the following. You'd better talk just about the value of knowledge in this para

But although we continue to expand [...] a lot of new windows to the outer world.

In most stances, the solution of a problem and the confirmation of a particular hypothesis is not the end of a exploration. Often this turns out we find a totally new field full of doubts and unknown. That means, establishment of a new hypothesis and a deep research to explain the phenomenon are often needed.
Adamtong   
Oct 2, 2014
Writing Feedback / what is the true maker of success? provide evidence and citation [2]

The struggle to pull yourself through a crisis, to come to terms on a deep level with your own shortcomings and to labor to overcome them is exactly what student missing.

This is a pretty powerful sentence and make me realize what you think is the most important factor for a person longing for success.

Although there is a relationship between "smart level" and success, it doesn't mean one have to have a high IQ to be a leader. By understand that success is "ten percent talent and ninety percent hard work", every individuals have a chance to stand above all and receive the title of acknowledgment. The key to success is available all around us, but it is hard to find. Success is always a journey, and throughout the journey there are many risk and failure that waiting. So is it really matter that you have to have a high IQ to be success? Or is it the "ninety percent hard work" that decide whether or not one worth it to be success?

Recently, I have think about the same topic. "The key to success is available all around us, but it is hard to find." is exactly what I want to convey but failing

I have learn a lot from this essay and many material I do not even hear about. I can see the efforts inside the essay and congratulations. :-)
Adamtong   
Sep 30, 2014
Writing Feedback / I believe the most important problems affecting our society today can be solved within our lifetime [4]

Do you agree or disagree with following statement: the most important problems affecting our society today can be solved within our lifetime

My grandmother always says to us at dinner table that, she would never imagine one day, there is no need to worry about food any more, a huge problem to their generation when she was young. Hunger and poverty are the most important problems for her generation and it seems totally solved today. This story makes me feel confident about problems we are facing today.

Admittedly,some problem are hard to solve. Confidence to solve a problem often loses before temptation fails. However, the truth is a lifetime is quite a long time and we can make a difference.It is a shame that after a lifetime we are still troubled by the same problems we faced with when we were young and didn't even give it a try to solve it. After a special period in China, people like my grandmother suffering deeply from poverty and hunger, but at the meantime, instead of blaming everything to societies and governments, they struggled to conquer the difficulties. Modern techniques were imported to modernize relatively primitive agriculture, farmers were trained using machines and experts were encouraged to do researches in agriculture refining skills. Patience is not a easy thing, but after a generation-time, my grandmother can proudly tells me her story about hunger and, more importantly, the way they change the situation and the fact the happy life we have today contributes to the efforts of their generation.

There are some problems troubling our society nowadays. Inequity, corruption, disease, etc. Losing faith seems make sense sometimes. However, the truth is, there are always some people struggling in that problems and making things right. Say corruption. After Pres. Xi comes into power, many actions of anti-corruption are adopted and many cases about participation in illegal activities are revealed and punished. People are surprised by the big change, after all, 2 years ago, they were complaining about the abusing privileges by administrative staff. This seems the same story as my grandmother's, just different version in different time.

Considering either stories happened in the past or the events we are experiencing nowadays, we can see problems are being solved or solved. Yes, I believe a lifetime is long enough to witness a huge miracle happens; I believe the human is creative and wise enough to make difference; I believe we are young enough to contribute to our society; So I believe the most important problems affecting our society today can be solved within our lifetime.
Adamtong   
Sep 26, 2014
Writing Feedback / Honesty is always the most important consideration in any relationship - statement essay [9]

Thanks, Pen
I have "polished" the essay after your supervision. To make it seem as a whole, I copy your intro & first para as part of the new issue and revised sec para & conclusion.

Our parents try to instill the value and meaning of honesty into us starting on the day when we first tell a lie. It could be a lie to cover up something as simple as spilled milk, or as complex as a dent in the family car that we borrowed for a trip to the mall. None of us will ever forget the disappointed look on our parents faces on the day when we first learn to cover up for our mistakes. When we get caught being dishonest. Having experienced that first hand, I told myself that I would always strive to be honest with my friends and family members because it is the right thing to do.

Being dishonest seems to be the right thing to do sometimes. Specially if it will provide a benefit in the short term for whoever decided to be dishonest. These people do not see dishonesty as a betrayal of trust. Instead, they see it as a way of delaying the truth about their situation. Students like us are all to familiar with this situation. Specially around grade giving season when any failing marks could cause a very serious relationship problem between the failing grade kids and parents. Lying makes the kids think that they can delay the truth about their grades endlessly, the truth is that it will eventually be found out and cause a bigger problem for them because they did not tell their parents the truth about their grades when they had the chance to.

Lying is not an efficient way to solve a problem even if the lie is believed. Life filling with many problems, compared to escaping from it by telling a lie, we'd better build up our courage to face and tell the truth. Parents can't provide any help to a kid when they do not even know he is in trouble. It is highly possible that the result of his next exam would not be good, since without the help of parents, a kid would commonly feel lost and despaired in cases like that. On the other hand, if a kid honestly telling the truth, parents can analyze problems with him, providing some valuable suggestions and solutions such as inviting a tutor to guide his study, or adjusting his study habits and strategies. Thus in long term, the kid would benefit after all.

Covering up something doesn't means that doesn't happen. Lies will always be found out since it is not truth. Instead of waiting a lie turns out to be a bigger trouble, why don't we be honest in a relationship in the first place. Yes, we should always be honest in a relationship since it is more advisable.

Thanks again! And last essay about " gap-year", I will revise it in some time. Good day! :-)
Adamtong   
Sep 26, 2014
Writing Feedback / Honesty is always the most important consideration in any relationship - statement essay [9]

Do you agree or disagree with following statement?
Always telling the truth is the most important consideration in any relationship.

Thanks, guys!

Adam, I hate to say this but this is one of your weakest essays. It needs a lot of work content-wise before it can even be ready for a preliminary grammar clean up :-(

Haha! I really have thought that is a pretty good issue until noticing the face of ":-(". You know that I would always appreciate the suggestions from you. And here is my revision. looking forward for your ideas.

Revision

We are educated to be honest when we first give a glance on the word honesty. I can still remember, after telling a lie about my grade in primary high school, the angry and disappointed face of my mother. That seems just happened yesterday. So, in spite of several lures of lies, I would always want to be an honest person and make friends with honest people.

While I would admit that a person lying has certain reasons and may benefit from it for a time. However, for most cases, dishonesty is a behavior of betrayal to the person who trusts you. This behavior often turns out to hurt both the person you lying to and yourself. The reason my mother feels sad is not that I get a bad grade in a exam, even not that I do not work hard at school, but that I feel I can not trust her and do not have the courage to tell her the truth. In fact, I feel bad too. After lying, I always wonder what if my teacher phones my mom or demands a signature on our report. I feel even more awful after seeing the disappointed face of my mom. The taste of regret and shame is terrible.

[...]
Adamtong   
Sep 26, 2014
Writing Feedback / Honesty is always the most important consideration in any relationship - statement essay [9]

Do you agree or disagree with following statement?
Always telling the truth is the most important consideration in any relationship.


We are educated by our parents and schools about the value of honesty since we understand the meaning of the words "yes" and "no". However, we can always see some cases from a film or in our daily life, that a person really benefits more or less from lies. I guess, this is the reason why people lies in a relationship nowadays. As for me, I always want to be an honest person and make friends with honest people.

While I would admit that a person lying has certain reasons and may benefit from it for a time. However, for most cases, the reason a person lying to another is he considering more about himself even if that means hurting the feeling of the person who trusts him. If so, I can barely see any reasons for the person who are hurt to continue the relationship basing on no respect or kindness. Furthermore, A lie always follows with another lie until the liar even forgets what the truth looks like. Comparing to live in lies and guilty, he'd better confess his dishonesty to his friend and beg for forgiveness. Whether the apology is accepted or not, your friend thus can realize your sincerity and respect for the relationship and you can relieve from the infinite lies.

Because of lies, a person may lose the trust from our friends, suffering from the guilty of continuous lies and eventual losing the foundation of a relationship. I want to be a honest person and treat my relationships honestly. At the same time I expect honesty from my friends, families and even country just as a proper society expect honesty from us. Yes, telling the truth is always the most important consideration in any relationship.
Adamtong   
Sep 26, 2014
Writing Feedback / Talking about "gap-year" - traveling or working [6]

Hey,pen! Thanks again!

Thanks to a smaller world, we can choose a life-style we appreciate instead of always obeying the old boring tradition. However, the tradition of going to the university directly is not over time, since it protects us from the negative side of the society and also, provide us with a space to perfect ourselves. Considering all factors listed above, I believe that most students should go to universities directly after high schools.

I just want to make sure, is this conclusion fine enough? or do you think smaller world and tradition is another point?
Adamtong   
Sep 25, 2014
Writing Feedback / Talking about "gap-year" - traveling or working [6]

Dear Pen: good to see you again

I have revise every para of my issue following your suggestion.except that I do not combine the first and second para, because i wanna use the second para to challenge and defend the opinion of the first para.

Thanks, again! good night.
Adamtong   
Sep 25, 2014
Writing Feedback / Talking about "gap-year" - traveling or working [6]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: student should take at least one year to work or travel before they go to university.

After graduating from my high school, i went to university directly. I had worked very hard to prepare the Chinese college entrance exam, where is full of ambitious competitors. I was more than happy to accept the offer from the university I expected, and studying in the college, I have equipped with lots of knowledge and skills. So, I take going to the university after high school for granted. However,one day, a friend of mine, spending one year traveling all over the world instead of going to university, told me that what he saw and what he learned from the travel would benefit him a whole life. With the precious experience he knew exactly which area he wanted to specialized in. Many students all over the world having the same experience, the so-called "gap year" becomes a very popular topic these days. This makes me wonder, should a student take at least one year to work or travel before they go to university? As for me, although there are many benefits for the "gap-year", traveling or working a year before going to university is not suitable for most students.

I admit that traveling and working can make our experience abundant and thus may, to some extent, help us realize what we really want in a further career. However, the "gap-year" is not safe for the students who have little experience about society. Since we are protected by schools and parents in high schools and we concentrate mostly on our study tasks, we care little about the way the world runs. Countless terrible cases and bad guys in every dark corners nowadays, I can imagine the innocent and pure students turn out to be the targets, especially when they are short of money to sustain their travel or survival.

Some people would say that, the shortage of social experience makes the "gap-year" seem even more valuable and necessary just as a weak sick person should exercise to be strong. Only after getting involved in the society can students really understand where they truly want to specialize. However, the "gap year" doesn't necessarily contribute to our further development. We have to admit that, with little specialized knowledge, the work we get cannot be very good. How can a job as a waitress in coffee shop contributes to the dream of being a great astronomer or a engineer? Traveling around world always means spending money, which in most cases, from our parents. How can spending money on fun, enjoying sunshine in the beaches or shopping sumptuously in a exotic country helps us understand the whole story of life? Before learning how to earn money, we spend money traveling for a whole year! That is really ridiculous.

Going to the university directly from high school doesn't mean students don't have chances to relax, to experience a different life, or change our direction of our life. My university always providing opportunities of internship, I have worked in one of the lab doing research on WiPi, a advanced project about internet. Instead of serving coffee, I am supervised by professors and graduates, both of whom are very smart guys and the experience working with them is very helpful for my further study and career. Plus, lots of information fulfilling the campus, each piece of news challenge your recognition and shape your awareness. In the university, you tend to gradually realize who you are, and who you want to be. You can change your majors at any time as long as you see the direction you want to step to clearly.

Thanks to a smaller world, we can choose a life-style we appreciate instead of always obeying the old boring tradition. However, the tradition of going to the university directly is not over time, since it protects us from the negative side of the society and also, provide us with a space to perfect ourselves. Considering all factors listed above, I believe that most students should go to universities directly after high schools.
Adamtong   
Sep 25, 2014
Writing Feedback / TOEFL: excellent knowledge is better than ability to adopt oneself. [4]

I notice that the supervision from a professional guy is fewer recently.
good luck for your test.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: student should take at least one year to work or travel before they go to university.小马机经预测的作文题哦!

good luck for the exam!
Adamtong   
Sep 23, 2014
Writing Feedback / Factory treats the workers as machines and workers are suffering from the single and boring everyday [5]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Workers would be much happier if they are doing different types of tasks during their workday than doing the same task.

I have always admired the advance of society in such a extent that, everyone in the factory or workplace charges a specific area,instead of doing different types of tasks at the same time.Thanks to this division of labor, our society runs in order efficiently. However,we can always see a film or a novel satirize this feature of modern society.It seems that the factory treats the workers as machines and workers are suffering from the single and boring everyday life.After all,if I study maths since the time we get up,that will drive me crazy. This makes me wonder, if the workers would be much happier if they are doing different types of tasks during their workday than doing the same task?

Admittedly,working in a single work is kind of boring. But we have to realize that working itself is not full of fun considering it means responsibility. Even a single task already makes most of the workers tired and exhausted, I can barely imagine we can provide more tasks to them.

Some people may argue,if students can study several subjects in a school day,then workers can handle several tasks in a workday.First,I have to point out that not every student can get a good grade at the end of the semester facing so many subjects just as most workers do not equip with enough skills to do many tasks in a workday. Plus,our parents pay the university to educate us,instead,workers use their labor to earn a life.There is a difference between workers and students.The way workers work depends on the way benefits the factory most and that depends on the boss.If workers are happier to go to work than losing their job,then I think it is better for them listening to their boss.

Some people would argue, factory depends on workers just as workers depend on the factory.The status of worker's emotion strongly affect the production of the factories, hence,doesn't the factory should care more about his workers instead of treating them like machines. I strongly agree with the idea that, workers and factories depend on each other and one should consider the other's feeling. But instead of hurt the benefits and sophisticated running system of the factories,we can see there are many other ways to make workers happier.For instance,many factories provide "weisure time" to the workers nowadays,which means the workers can have a rest in their work time at a specific time playing their phones, answering emails,browsing the web. This action makes the life in a factory not so boring for workers, and instead of hurting the benefits of the factories,the happy workers are energetic to continue their task after the rest. The factory benefits from this action since after all they can depend more on happy workers instead of boring ones.

Considering all factors listed above, I do not agree with argument that Workers would be much happier if they are doing different types of tasks during their workday than doing the same task.

thank you for your supervision:
I'd be grateful if you point out the grammar mistakes or even to make the sentences in this issue more fluent and native.
I think it is pretty solid and concrete issue. If you can find logic mistakes or weakness in this issue,I'd appreciate that!

Thank you,again!
Adamtong   
Sep 23, 2014
Writing Feedback / Teachers lost their roles in modern education? [5]

I have read your essay.
It is very fluent and straight forward.But i am afraid it is a little bit boring and lack of details.
I can see a lot of reasons supporting your point,but the without explanations,the reason is pale.
Adamtong   
Sep 21, 2014
Writing Feedback / Topic: Modern agriculture. Toefl exam! [4]

Modern agriculture methods damage the environment, but providing food for the growing population around the world is more important than protecting the environment.

I am educated by schools and the media about the importance and urgency on protecting environment. I think it is stupid to sacrifice environment in exchange for anything,even if it is for the sake of benefits of agriculture or economy. However,a talk with my illiterate grandma makes my doubt myself. She told me that,she is the generation deeply suffering from hunger and poverty. When she is young,a full meal is all her and her generation's dream and purpose,not to mention a delicious and tasty one with meat. Compared to them,she points out,we are in a good time. Thanks to the development of agriculture and economy,we are no longer suffer from empty stomach. We do not know any skills or knowledge on growing barley or wheat,but that doesn't affect the fact that we enjoy our three meals on time and enjoy snacks in leisure time for granted. I also notice that, even though we are so-called "developed", we can still read news about many people still suffering from hunger and poverty in certain regions. This makes wonder if providing food for the growing population is more important than protecting environment?

Altering the environment without deeply research can cause destructive and unrecoverable consequences. I have read a case about Florida,the citric industry there famous all over the word. Drawn by economic benefits farmers alter the wetlands into farmland to grow more oranges. At first,it works not bad. With more lands,they grow more orange trees,and thus they product more commodities,bringing them more economic benefits. However,that does not last for a long period. Wetlands have the effects to adjust the environment,in general,they make the local climate warmer. With less wetlands, the temperature in Florida declines. Although the degree of the decline is not obvious to human,it is fatal to the citric industry. Hundreds of thousands of orange trees died in Florida,causing a huge lost in economy. Ecosystems are damaged as the organisms tend to live in wetlands environments died or migrated to other habitats and this in return makes it difficult or even impossible to reverse the process. This lesson makes me realize,before modern agriculture alters the environment we should do some careful researches. Otherwise, the action without deep consideration often turns out not only the damage of environment but also the suffering of agriculture and thus human.

I also wonders,as a part of the Earth, if human has to damage environment to develop agriculture. Learning from the failure cases,human realize the importance of protecting environment. Biology is a required course in secondary schools and ecosystem are very really popular research field nowadays which makes the importance of protecting environment as a common sense. By realizing the connection between human and nature, we are now trying to figure out a better way to survive and thrive in a more environmental friendly way.

There are better ways to solute the problem of poverty and hunger instead of damaging the environment. We developed technique and studied data and cases to make our nowadays agriculture more modern and environmental friendly. Many organizations and governments from all over the world would like to seat together to discuss the problem of hunger and poverty and provide resources and techniques to the regions suffering in that . Considering all factors list above,I do not agree with the idea--providing food for the growing population around the world is more important than protecting the environment.
Adamtong   
Sep 20, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS - young people's challenges in major cities [7]

Morning,CY
After reading your issue,I really believe city is a great place!

Although some people argues that there are difficulties to hunt jobs,but that's not true ! With boosting industries and financial support,millions of job opportunities available in cities.

Although life in a big city is busy, we can always figure a way,even a better way to build up a great relationships.

All in all,City makes our life much better~!
Adamtong   
Sep 18, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Arts are crucial to government to gain successful incomes by some events [3]

I can understand what you are arguing.Arts and public services are equally important.
But i think you can discuss the pros and cons more concretly and vividly.

I don't know whether these sentences are proper.
All parts of aspects in this world are a thirst for government's investment, which determine the development of country.
To prevent the negative point of view of wasting money for the art events, government should pay attention more to the art creators because they can bring the nations' name.

In my personal argument...can we say in this way?

Anyway,i'm not a expert.good luck!
Adamtong   
Sep 18, 2014
Writing Feedback / With the humble attitude, we can earn the respect from others and relieve ourselves.; Toefl exam! [3]

Do you agree or disagree:the world is busy and crowded,we should not expect people to be polite to others.

I was alarmed up by my phone,cleaned my face and rushed out of my house.I reached the bus station without a relief.There are already a lot of people waiting in there.Here came the bus.It was already overcrowded,but we try our best to get into the bus.We all knew the condition would not better even if we wait the next bus.I waited and waited and waited for my terminus.It was a long way to go,and i even go back to my dream,standing and tired.Suddenly,OOOOch! Someone step on my feet.It so hurt that barely can i hold my tears.Without showing a little regret,the guy get through the overcrowded car,and rush out without apology.

This case makes me wonder,as the world is busy and crowded,do we need to be polite to others?should we expect people to be polite to others? As for me,we should always be polite to others and forgive others impolite behaviors.

First,being polite makes our life simple and comfort. When you are consulting a person with some problems,you point out your question with a mild smile,look in his eyes and sometimes nod approvingly.He would appreciate your well-educated behavior and explain the problem clearly and concretely..Because of your respect to him ,he would be in good mood and thus you can have a good time talking with him.Respect is mutual. If you want people treat you nicely then you'd better treat people nicely.We can hardly imagine when we smile to a person and in return he insult you. We can never live alone in this busy and crowded city,so it is smart to be polite to others.

Second,forgiveness can relieve us.Don't trap in the plot that he step on your feet without apology. Sometimes people are just so busy that he doesn't even notice he hurts you.Forgiveness is an attitude to our life which can free us from blaming on other's faults to embrace the day we have. We have much better things to do in a day than cursing on other's mistakes. You can easily say sorry to your toe for the guy who hurt you then start your work and enjoy your day.

Taking into account of all factors listed above,I prefer to be polite to others and forgive others impolite behaviors.With this humble attitude, we can earn the respect from others and relieve ourselves.

Actually i do not think this is a valid issue.
I don't think i describe the busy morning vividly and accurately
I don't think my reasons are strong and concrete
there must be some improper sentences even though i try my hard to avoid
Thank you for your suggestions!
Adamtong   
Sep 18, 2014
Writing Feedback / It is vital for arts to have prolific conditions to thrive and be accessible for people [7]

The ideal case would be if only art does not need external funding and artist can maintain himself.

However, if sponsor has requirements which will cause lose of their ideas and integrity, they should refuse it.
However, if the requirement from patrons twist the conviction and insult the spirit of the artists, they should refuse it.

For example in my country every year takes place a cultural event called "The night of museum", fund by the government. This day almost all museums in whole country are free for entrance.

For example,my country holds a cultural event called "The night of museum" each year, funded by the government. All museums are free access in this day and people can learn a lot from the exhibition.
Adamtong   
Sep 18, 2014
Writing Feedback / Once I was; now I am [4]

I thought that I would wake up at 8.15 and will each exam center by 8.50.
i think there is some grammar mistake in this sentence.i dont really understand this sentence.

It was the time of matric exams when I was forced to change my thoughts about planning. It was the paper of Mathematics that day. The paper was to start at 9 in the morning. I thought that I would wake up at 8.15 and will each exam center by 8.50. I did not know that there was a demonstration of a political party near my exam center. I stuck into traffic jam for almost an hour and reached center half hour late

maybe,u'd better provide some details,like what do you think when you were trap.

The whole passage lack enough supporting material,u'd better add more details in it.
Adamtong   
Sep 18, 2014
Scholarship / Library in Bronx - "A Change To The Intellectual Community" - Essay for Questbridge [7]

A common problem that is seen in the library is the resources being taken advantage of.
I just wonder,isn't it a good thing for the resources of the library to be largely taken advantage of?Maybe the problem is wasting the resources to do something not that productive?

Many times when the student would go to use a computer the time would not be sufficient to complete their work.
Many times,when a student goes to use a computer to do homework,time is insufficient.

My local library was a sweet warming but cool environment throughout my childhood experience. The library is a place where many find peace and really use the resources to their best ability.

After all the disadvantages i read from ur perspective,i do not understand why that is a great place??
Adamtong   
Sep 17, 2014
Writing Feedback / The best gift for a child? Books help to learn more skills such as pronouncing and reading [3]

There are many variety of great gift that we can give it to the child , from my personal opinion the best gift child can have is a book .

There are many variety of great gift that we can give to the child. In my opinion,the best gift is book.

Third, child can participate this gift with others.
Third, child can share the gift with others.

To begin with , learn more from the book .
To begin with , we can acquire a lot of information from the book .
Adamtong   
Sep 17, 2014
Writing Feedback / A leader should admit if they made a bad decision? Toefl exam. [12]

Thank you Sara!

This is the revision based on my first draft.Thanks a lot to niesaysi&vangiespen. they gave me some valuable suggestions.
i would be grateful if u tell whether or not the following sentences are proper


A fair proportion of people asserts that a leader should not admit the bad decision he made cause that is weak and shame.
Admittedly,a leader always needs a face of strengthen and decision,and sometimes even an undoubted one.
Adamtong   
Sep 17, 2014
Writing Feedback / A leader should admit if they made a bad decision? Toefl exam. [12]

thanks,Vangiespen!I wanna ask,do u think my 1st paragraph is pale and cliche from a professional attitude,or even make u feet antipathetic?

u comments my 3nd paragraph like this
But use this as a separate paragraph to create a visual idea of how your reasons work for your discussion. First, discuss your reasons in a detailed manner that will fit the example you will be providing.

Why does dividing a paragraph into two help?Do u mean that i should provide the cases with more details to support my examples?
Adamtong   
Sep 17, 2014
Writing Feedback / A leader should admit if they made a bad decision? Toefl exam. [12]

thank you for reading my issue.
but can u point out how to correct my grammar mistakes?do u mean shouldn't admit the bad decision he made cause that is weak and shame.

should not admit the bad decision he made cause that is weak and shame.
u see,i am not a native English user,locate and correct it by myself is not easy.
Adamtong   
Sep 16, 2014
Writing Feedback / A leader should admit if they made a bad decision? Toefl exam. [12]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: A leader should admit if they made a bad decision. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

It is significant to discuss about the controversy on the issue that what a leader should do after they made a bad decision.A fair proportion of people asserts that a leader shouldn't admit the bad decision he made cause that is weak and shame.Other people,nevertheless,advocate that a leader should admit if they made a bad decision.As far as i am concerned i side with the latter,because it is more advisable.Of the countless reasons that strengthen my viewpoint,i will provide the most concrete reasons as follows.

The first reason i'm presenting is that admitting the bad decision is the first step for a leader to correct it.For example,Chinese government once made a very bad decision to build a belt of forest in the northwest with only a single species of tree.Because this action violate the principle of diversity in biology,the project failed and the government lost millions of dollars.Instead of blaming the consequence on other reasons,the government admitted the mistake and asked scholars to make in-depth research on the failure case.Thanks to the humble and honest attitude of our government,there is a dense forest in the northwest today.The forest successfully prevents the storm and thrives the local economy.I learnt a lot from this lesson,the bad decision is not ultimately terrible as long as we have the courage to admit it,to correct it.

Another reason why i would like to vote for the latter is that admitting the mistake can earn the respect and forgiveness. For instance,the Japanese government revises the history about the 2nd World War and even tries to revise its Constitution. This action stimulates the emotion of the Chinese and makes the relationship between the countries embarrassing which harms the benefits of both country. Compared to Japanese government,German government treat the history with sincerity and honesty and thus they earn the forgiveness and respect from all over the world.

Admittedly,a leader always needs a face of strengthen and decision,and sometimes even an undoubted one.However admitting the bad decision is not an action of weakness.It depends on the courage to face our shortage,the sincerity to the people you lead,the decision to explore a better future.

Taking into account of all factors listed above,we can easily draw the conclusion that a leader should admit if they made a bad decision.
Adamtong   
Sep 16, 2014
Writing Feedback / Modern technology, such as chemical fertilizer is dangerous to human health and local communities [8]

However, to provide grains and cereals adequate to them, there is no way but to increase amount of our agriculture. agriculturalharvests .
Hence, the most important factor to achieving step to achieve our goal is to using chemical fertilizer.
we know that washing all effects of these substances from vegetables is impossible. that the side effect of the chemicals is unavoidable.
Undoubtedly, I'm not alone on this opinion that the soil is source of many natural substances and beside them is a habitation for diverse species of animals and insects.habitat
Adamtong   
Sep 15, 2014
Writing Feedback / What should kids do when parents are too busy to accompany their child? TOEFL EXAM [8]

If parents are too busy to accompany their kids, do you think the kids should spend more time playing games or sports or they should do more related to schoolwork?

It is significant to discuss about the controversy on the issue that what should kids do when parents are too busy to accompany their kids.A fair proportion of people asserts that the kids should spend more time playing games or sports,other people,nevertheless,advocate that kids should do more related to schoolwork.As far as i am concerned,i sided with latter,for it is more advisable.Of the countless reasons that strengthen my viewpoint,i will provide the most concrete reasons and evidences as follows.

The first point i'm presenting is that as a student,it is our responsibility to study,to review the facts of science we learnt.In my daily study,i strongly have a feeling that we can not obtain every information from the class no matter how hard we try and even if we understand almost everything from the professor,which i deeply doubt that,we would forget the keys of the lecture after a period of time.And this make reviewing the schoolwork very critical to a student. And considering that our parents pay the fee to let us get a good education,it is reasonable we spend the leisure time to review the knowledge we acquire.

Another reason why i would like to vote for spending more time to do schoolwork is that leisure time is a good time slot to challenge what we have learnt.For me,the purpose of the education is to perfect ourselves.And the only way to perfect ourselves is to challenge ourselves.We study a lot of facts from the class,but is that correct?What can we learn from that piece of the history,or if that piece of history is a lie at all?How can we use that equation more smartly?This question can never be taught by a teacher or our parents hand by hand.The process to search the answer to this question is the process to challenge ourselves and to perfect ourselves.

Admittedly, i agree that playing games or sports makes fun to the kids to compensate the loneliness from the absence of the parents and even build up our body,making us much healthier.However,we have to realize that spending hours and hours of the precious time running and laughing is a kind of wasting time compared to meditation about the philosophy of the social or physical science.

Taking into account all these factors listed above,we can easily draw the conclusion that it is wiser to spend more time doing some more related to schoolwork.
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