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Posts by Vns9x
Name: Shon Do
Joined: Sep 23, 2014
Last Post: Jul 5, 2015
Threads: 102
Posts: 236  
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From: Russia
School: Gymnaisym 123

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Vns9x   
Nov 9, 2014
Writing Feedback / Technology is the tool that reinforce people to get numerous knowledge overnight [8]

Louisa Mae, i have just rewritten my essay.

Technology has always played a leading role when it comes to students. In fact, utilizing technologies is the ideal learning method because it helps and encourages students to study more and more in many ways. Therefore, I totally agree with the statement and this essay will present some of the reasons to clear all my beliefs out.

Today, as a result of technologies, students are getting more and more knowledgeable, since technologies facilitate the process of learning by accelerating the speed of searching for a new information. In fact, teachers now are the people who have to worry about themselves because ,nowadays, students can easily surpass their master by utilizing technologies. Consequently, these days' teachers should always be in touch with the current events. Otherwise, students will be able to catch them up or even exceed them. To clarify, envision yourself being a typical student, obviously, you possess the Internet, thus whenever you need to learn something, then you will just need to click and type a few times in order to find the answer for it.

Moreover, leaning process has become a fun activity for many students due to technologies. The internet, for example, has an abundance of games and interactive rooms to entertain or to discuss about a definite topic. People who desires to learn more than just the basis can use them to broaden their mind. Since, there are also a plenty of people who have the same goal which is expanding the current knowledge. Furthermore,, by using technologies you can share your knowledge and secrets to many people and it works the opposite way as well when people will reveal some of their secrets and sharing with you their knowledge. Therefore, it is a win-win situation.

The aforementioned reasons examine that technologies has facilitated the learning process for tremendous students by reducing the amount of time of finding a new source information. Furthermore, technologies have been considered as a fun place for a large group of students to obtain more knowledge.
Vns9x   
Nov 9, 2014
Writing Feedback / People's life expectancy is getting longer and longer due to many external factors [6]

In general, people are living longer now. Discuss the causes of this
phenomenon. Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay.

People's life expectancy is getting longer and longer due to many external factors. Firstly, it is because of the unlimited foods. Secondly, now, we can heal a number of diseases. This essay will clarify all the mentioned above reasons.

Foods has played a leading role when it comes to prolonging our life expectancy. In fact, people in the ancient time used to die because of the shortage of foods since the climate constantly changes and they cannot deal with it. As a result, it was a challenge for them to properly farm or graze. Furthermore, they did not know the right technique to correctly farm or graze. Consequently, it also contributed to the scarcity of foods. These days, when people begin to create genetically modified foods and understanding the correct way to approach crops or animals, From that point, human life has completely changed because they will have a sufficient amount of foods to consume ,unlike, people in the ancient time.

Another contribution to our long life expectancy is definitely medicines. People in past usually died because they could not cure their diseases or illnesses. In fact, they do not even aware that even a simple illness such as flu could lead them towards death or at least reducing their life expectancy. They always thought that it was the punishment from the god and it was impossible to cure anything. Therefore, the majority of people in the past usually died from the age of 25 to 35. Obviously, these days, people even have the remedy to cure cancer or other serious illnesses. Therefore, medicines and treatments slow down our aging.

The aforementioned reasons examine that because of the foods, which we are currently consuming is the factor that extend our life expectancy. Furthermore, these days, we know how to settle down many of our diseases. Thereby, they also help us as human beings to live longer.
Vns9x   
Nov 10, 2014
Writing Feedback / People's life expectancy is getting longer and longer due to many external factors [6]

Louisa Mae,

It is not a surprise that these days' people tend to live longer than those who lived in ancient times. There are numerous factors that have caused this phenomenon such as foods and the technique of consuming them, and the medical treatments. This essay will clarify all the mentioned above reasons.

Generally speaking, the amount of foods and the habits of consistently following the advice from many magazines and other resources when it comes to eating have definitely contribute to our life expectancy. People now know how to farm and graze in a proper way and thus foods are not a problem for many human beings anymore. Also, the majority of people in modern times have gotten numerous advice from journals and experts when it comes to the right way to balance our meals. To clarify, imagine yourself living in this modern age. Clearly, foods are not the issue for you anymore and you have dozens of guidelines about dieting. As a result, your body will be healthier and healthier each day.

Another huge contribution of life expectancy is our scientific research , especially, medicines. We possess many technologies than can create the right pill for a definite type of illness and disease. Moreover, people vaccinate each year to prevent from many horrible diseases. Therefore, our life has always been protected by those technologies. By way of example, envision a guy who has cancer. Back then, in ancient times, there was no way for him to survive from this thing. However, by using nowadays' technologies, you can cure it, if the cancer is at its first stage, if not you still will be able to maintain your life for a long time.

The aforementioned reasons examine that due to the amount of foods, which we have and the way we consume them is positively affected our life expectancy. Medical treatments have also played a key role when it comes to life expectancy, since with them we can heal ourselves from many diseases and illneseas.
Vns9x   
Nov 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / Along with job, marriage, having a child comes the moment when you cannot escape from being an adult [5]

People recognize a difference between children and adults. What events (experiences or ceremonies) make a person an adult? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer

It is inevitably to become an adult someday since time flies. There are many events such as obtaining the first job, being married and having a kid will prove that you are no longer a kid. This essay will confirm all mentioned above events.

Generally speaking, having a job is the first step of being an adult because that it is the moment when you can rely only on yourself. You will have to worry about your income and expenses when it comes to daily activities such as shopping, supplying essential commodities, and buying medicines since you can no longer rely on somebody as parents or relatives. Even though, it is quite common to see that some people still rely on their parents after having a job. However, it is not permanent because after all this is their life, and their parents cannot live forever with them. To clarify, imagine yourself having a first job after a definite interview. The result is obvious, from that point of life, you will have to independently shoulder an abundance of responsibilities and being an adult is all about liabilities.

Alongside a first job, marriage is also the event that prove that you are ready to become a person for many people to rely on. By marrying, you as an adult will need somebody to fulfill the happiness of having a new family 'a child'. Having a child is the moment when it will force you to be an adult since you will have to take care of your offspring to make your child fit in well with our society as well as your family. By way of example, envision yourself marrying and thus as time goes by you will have a child who needs you to rear. As a result, you cannot be a kid anymore since you will have to be a role model for your kids to provide them a good example of typical human being.

All in all, I consider that job is the event which will force you to become the real adult owing to the numerous responsibilities. Along with job, marriage or especially having a child is also the moment when you cannot escape from being an adult because the child will need somebody to teach him.
Vns9x   
Nov 12, 2014
Writing Feedback / Clothes have always played a leading role when it comes a person's behavior. [3]

People behave differently when they wear different clothes. Do you agree or disagree that different clothes influence the way people behave?

Clothes have always played a leading role when it comes a person's behavior. They determine people's objectives in many ways such expressing yourself, and abiding the rule. Therefore, I completely agree with the statement.

Generally speaking, clothes can make a huge impact on people since it indicates his true desires. In other words, people usually have some specific intentions of wearing a variety types of clothes. It can be mean that they are obeying the principles in the school or office. To clarify, imagine yourself wearing a uniform since it is imperative in the school. Otherwise, your grades will be reduced or your parent will have to write an explanation. It also applies to teachers because they have to appear as an intellectual person to be admired by many scholars. The result can be seen by the naked eyes, people intentionally wear a definite type of cloth to fit in well with their atmosphere.

Aside from obeying the rules, clothes are also the method for many people to express their profound feelings of a current moment owing to the fact that clothes are almost the first thing that people usually notice. Even though, it does not apply to some cases since many people are underprivileged and thus do not possess many types of clothes to wear, however this applies to the majority of people. By way of example, envision yourself deliberately dressing as an typical human being which is wearing some casual clothes such as blue jeans, shorts, and a pair of black shoes. By wearing those listed things, people will immediately recognize you as a person who is quite normal and do not stand out from anyone else. As a result, clothes are the indicator of your behavior and intentions.

The aforementioned reasons examine that clothes do influence on people's behavior because clothes can be utilized as the way which allow people express their feelings and they also can be used to show your submission. Indeed, I concur the belief made in the statement.
Vns9x   
Nov 13, 2014
Writing Feedback / Success means that the desire was strong enough? To what extent do you agree or disagree? [4]

However, other oppose these views. Firstly , they claim that, nowadays, peoples can easily be lucky enough in portraying the image of success.
You need to create another way of writing your essay. Otherwise, it will not end up good. By the way, the opinions are great you just have to work on your organization a little bit more.
Vns9x   
Nov 13, 2014
Writing Feedback / Both art and science greatly influence our world in a positive manner - Artists vs scientists [3]

It is generally agreed that society benefits from the work of its
members. Compare the contributions of artists to society with the
contributions of scientists to society. Which type of contribution do
you think is valued more by your society? Give specific reasons to
support your answer

Both art and science greatly influence our world in a positive manner. While scientists consolidate many lives in this world by supplying us with many technologies and medicines. In the meantime, artist make our life more alive and intriguing due to some of their unique pictures. This essay will clarify both types of contributions and its consequences.

When it comes to the contributions that scientists have made, it is impossible to even imagine ourselves how all their technologies and medicines have supported us. By using technologies such as Internet and robots, they facilitated all our daily routine and thus our life now is more comfortable comparing to the life without any technologies. To clarify, envision yourself possessing the Internet, you will most likely have an advantage in comparison to those who do not have it since Internet is the utility that can provide you with numerous information in an instant. Along with an endless information, you now can freely communicate with your relatives who live at the end of the map. As a result, the Internet benefits every single person on this planet in many ways. In terms of medicine, scientists manage to create an abundance of remedies that can even cure many diseases and illnesses such as cancer, HIV or even worse. The result is obvious, scientists are the people who have successfully converted our life into something safer and easier.

Artists also contribute to our society a plenty of things such as arts. By drawing those pictures, our life has become more lively and dynamic. People now have something to indulge about since pictures can easily alter our mindset and our view of this cruel world. It can either be positive or negative but most of the time it is positive. Therefore, artists make our life seems to be more adventurous and exciting.

So, I definitely believe that scientists' contributions are more precious comparing to the artist's one owing to fact that they facilitate our life in various ways and without them I do not consider that we will able as human beings survive for that long on this planet.
Vns9x   
Nov 13, 2014
Writing Feedback / Some international student choose American roommates. Others choose students from their own country. [4]

Some international student choose American roommates. Others choose roommates from their own countries. Compare the advantages of having an American roommate with the advantages of having a roommate from your country. Which kind of roommate would you prefer? Why? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Roommates can greatly influence you since they are the people who are going to live alongside you and it is important to choose the right one. While American roommate can help you out in many ways associated with English but in the meantime roommate from your country is the only person who might be able to deeply understand you and your speech. This essay will explore the benefits and some cons of living with a roommate from your country as well as living with an American partner.

I have a strong belief that if you want to possess a high English communication skills and understand more about American culture then American roommate would be the best option for you. By living with this type of roommate, you will have to express properly in English in order to make him understand you, from-time-to-time he will correct your mistakes. In actuality, when it comes to English and no one can do it better than the real native speaker. Aside from having an additional teacher to fix your mistakes all the time, dwelling with American roommate can facilitate the process of understanding about America and its traditions and cultures. The benefits of living with an American roommate are obvious, if you had an experience with American people before, you would be able to adjust to American community faster.

In terms of living with roommate in your country, it actually has some benefits as well. That type of roommate usually will be able to understand you more profoundly since he also possesses the language that you have and sometimes the American roommate cannot understand you completely because it is quite challenging for us to truly and completely express our feeling through the foreign language. Even though, It does not apply to everyone owing to the fact that everyone has different level of English. The result is that living with roommate from your country can provide a better understanding with each other, which is quite crucial when it comes to living together for a long period of time.

All in all, I prefer to live with an American partner due to English and I would like to learn more about America and its traditions. Furthermore, I consider that living with a familiar partner is quite boring.
Vns9x   
Nov 13, 2014
Writing Feedback / My Writing Improvement - I don't have a lot of writing experiences, especially in English [7]

Another problem that I have is that I don't use correct grammar. I didn't take a lot of grammar classes since I came to America I just take one class in the IEP Program. I make a lot of mistakes and its little mistake like I don't add words that will make my sentence a complete sentence for example "snow covered houses and buildings" but now I know its fragment and I need to rewrite it as a complete sentence "snow covered the houses and buildings."

If you decided to use past simple then stick to it.
Vns9x   
Nov 18, 2014
Writing Feedback / Teacher vs student - it would be ideal if students had some opportunities to talk during the lecture [3]

TOEFL Essay: Some students like classes where teachers lecture (do all of the talking) in class. Other students prefer classes where the students do some of the talking. Which type of class do you prefer? Give specific reasons and details to support your choice.

It is imperative to allow students do some talking during the lecture due to the facts that it could be beneficial for their future especially their jobs and it will help teachers in many ways when it comes to judging and helping students. Consequently, I completely agree with those people who believe that it would be ideal if students had some opportunities to talk during the lecture.

Students sometimes need to talk during the double-period since it will prepare them for their future jobs. Most of the nowadays' jobs require a person to introduce their new ideas by explaining them in front of many people and thus practicing talking in the university will contribute students' future. Along with some practical experiences, it will also dictate students to correctly express themselves in order to make other students to understand the topic. To clarify, imagine yourself being a student who has a permission to talk in the lecture. After your graduation from the university, you will surely obtain an abundance of experiences of publicly talking. The result is obvious, by letting students to do talking in the lecture can consolidate their future in diverse ways.

Aside from some contributions to the future, talking in the lecture can also help teachers to easily identify students' weaknesses and strengths owing to the fact that teachers are going to be the people who will assess the performance of students. By constantly assessing students and their speeches, students will immensely improve when it comes to talking. By way of example, envision yourself being evaluated by your teacher after every single speech. You will obviously be able to learn from those remarks and thus your speech will gradually enhance. Therefore, by allowing students to talk in the lecture will facilitate the process of remarking for many teachers.

So, I definitely befriend with the second community which asserts that it would be better if the students talked in lecture because it will make students to be more prepared for their upcoming future and by doing so, it will make it easier for teachers to evaluate and help students with their speeches.

please check my essay thoroughly.
And more thing
this is a grammar question i wonder which one of these is correct?
Help me pay or help me to pay??
Vns9x   
Nov 18, 2014
Writing Feedback / Is it more important to have an enjoyable life than to earn a lot of money? [ielts writing task 2] [8]

Firstly, - Nowadays, issues regarding the link between job and an happy life are very common: ( do not use those signs in your essay.
Anyway, when it comes to the essay, for the second one you should rephrase the statement that you befriend.
That third paragraph is quite useless instead of writing that paragraph, it would be better to mix it with the first paragraph.
Vns9x   
Nov 18, 2014
Writing Feedback / Most of parents tend to consider their teenagers as too young and inexperienced to decide anything [3]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents or other
adult relatives should make important decisions for their older (15 to 18
year-old) teenage children. Use specific reasons and examples to support
your opinion.


The majority of parents tend to consider their teenagers as too young and inexperienced to decide anything, while part of the story is true. However, by obstructing them from decisions making can lead them towards immaturity and more importantly it can fence their talent and freedom. This essay will clarify all the mentioned above reasons.

Teenagers are the people who need freedom since it is the time when they need to gain more experience about the real world and thus if parents prevent them from making a decision, it will affect their teenagers in a negative way. By constantly deciding for them, teenagers will not able to find themselves and they will be lost. They need to find themselves in order to understand their own capacity. To clarify, imagine yourself being a typical teenager wanting to be a doctor because you are good at biology and chemistry, but your parents aspire you to become a businessman. The result is obvious if you listen to your parents, you will not able to truly expose your potential talents.

Aside from freedom, it will also prevent teenager to be a more mature person since once that type of teenager will step out of their 'home sweet home' they will feel insecure owing to the fact that their parents used to decide all the time. By way of example, envision yourself being a person who could not decide for himself during the time living with his parents and you have to make some important decisions when it comes to the upcoming contracts. As a result, you will not be experienced and mature enough to decide such important decisions since your parents used to do them for you during your childhood.

So, parents should not decide anything when it comes teenagers because it will hinder them from being a mature person and it will kill their freedom and sometimes even their innate talent as well. Indeed, I completely disagree that parents should always make decisions for their teenagers.

My old essay
Vns9x   
Nov 19, 2014
Writing Feedback / Plants can provide food, shelter, clothing, or medicine. What is one kind of plant that is important [2]

Plants can provide food, shelter, clothing, or medicine. What is one kind of
plant that is important to you or the people in your country? Use specific
reasons and details to explain your choice.

Rice has always been played a pivotal role in Vietnam in diverse ways. One of its ways is our habits because rice has always been seen as the plant which is inherently connected to our daily meals and because of the rice our country has managed to control our economy. This essay will clarify all the mentioned above arguments.

Eating rice is one of our traditional behavior since rice is the main plant for human consumption when it comes to our country. Our people in ancient times did not have sufficient amount of foods to consume and rice was abundant and hence they commenced to eat rice in order to replace their eating desires. This behavior has been inherited by many young generations, even though there is an abundance of foods to consume instead of rice such as noodle, and bread. To clarify, imagine yourself being one of us, your most likely meal will definitely associated with rice since you look up to your parents and they do eat rice as their main food. As a corollary, rice is now part of us and it is almost impossible to consume our meal without rice.

Along with the conventional behavior, rice is the chief product for our country to export. Unfortunately, they are quite cheap and we cannot really obtain any considerable profit from them. However, our country is still underprivileged, technologies are beyond of our capacity and thus rice is the only plant we can temporarily make some profit to regulate our economy situation. By way of example, envision yourself a country which does not have anything except rice and some plants such as coffee and many others to sell. The result is quite glaring, rice are one of our essential product to befriend with our current financial situation

So, when it comes to our country, it is obvious that rice is the plant which is meaningful for our country owing to our economy state. Aside from the economy, rice also has become the one of our daily meal to consume since the ancient times.
Vns9x   
Nov 20, 2014
Writing Feedback / Living room has tremendous of contemporary technologies - Your favorite room. [3]

What do you consider to be the most important room in a house? Why is
this room more important to you than any other room? Use specific
reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Living room is the most important one when it comes to my house because It has tremendous of contemporary technologies that help me to shoulder lots of burdens and the living room allow me to freely exercise without worrying about space issue. Therefore, this essay will clarify the meaningfulness of my living room.

Almost every single utilities locate in my living room such as television and computer. Those technologies are essential for me since they help me to relieve my stresses and anxieties after a long day of working hard, doing my assignments, and communicating with my friends. To clarify, I always get an abundance of tasks from the university and thus Internet is my life savior because it always quickly provides me with numerous information of any topic. On the contrary, watching television is my main way to reduce my stresses due to its programs, Television shows, and music. The result is glaring, my living room is the ideal place where I can either entertain myself or doing my homework.

Along with those technologies, my living room is also the place where I exercise to stay fit and healthy because it is quite huge. It is quite important to do some exercises since sports will help you to be more creative and focused while studying. My daily routine is running, doing some push ups, and even dancing and they require lots of spaces in order to make my training more efficient. By way of example, imagine yourself having a giant living room and you fancy to exercise every morning and evening. As a result, my living room has become the most beneficial room since it can satisfy all my desires.

So, if I had to choose one room, then my choice would be the living room owing to the facts that it has plenty of technologies that facilitate and support my life in diverse ways. Aside from those technological supports, it is considerable huge and makes it easier for me to exercise. Consequently, my living room has a significant meaning for me.
Vns9x   
Jan 24, 2015
Writing Feedback / TOEFL: People always debate on whether or not children should follow their parents' career paths. [6]

Albeit, it is quite a salient and interesting essay to read. Notwithstanding, i want to point out some of yours debilities.
According to a survey, people who have a similar job with their parents usually achieve much than people in the same career who do not attempt to be more precise and informative in this sentence. It would have been much more cogent if you had mentioned concretely from what survey did you get this kind of information in lieu of just saying, according to the random survey.

To sum up, according to all the reasons discussed above, I strongly recommend children choose the jobs same with their parents' jobs. this conclusion will work out perfectly for TOEFL since from time to time the raters do not care about it but just for contingency i would like you to protract it a tab bit longer than the current conclusion.

Hopefully, it was lucrative for you in some ways, so to speak.
Vns9x   
Jan 24, 2015
Writing Feedback / A cornerstone for a person to get successful in life is planning. TOEFL activities Essay [3]

Sorry to inform you but this essay needs lots of works. Glaringly, you could have introduced your ideas in a much more coherent way without using those words such as consequently, thus, e.t.c right at the beginning of your essay. I would advise you to utilize them less especially in the introduction part to be honest. And yes indeed, i completely agree with rohitkhadse that you should have provided more examples to strengthen your essay.

I hope that my comment will benefit your upcoming essays.
Vns9x   
Jan 25, 2015
Writing Feedback / Animals vs human needs; we should know how to protect the animals and suppress our avarice [2]

A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.


It has always been a quite contentious topic when it comes to exploitation of animals, since there is an abundance of people who consider that it would be better to keep our animals safe. Yet, the rest of the community think in a completely opposite way. This essay will clarify both views as well as my personal opinion.

Animals are the most precious residues that have left on this planet because they are the beauty of our planet and it would be too cruel if we decided too simply take some actions against them. They are not everlasting creatures and should not use them excessively as tools to satisfy our needs. Imagine yourself if we will be able successfully utilize some animals to help us make some equipment. At first it might be fine, notwithstanding we as human beings are greedy creatures after all and I am pretty sure animals will be continuously killed by human since that method will be working. As a result, keeping our egregious animals away from those people right in the beginning would be the best option.

Alongside with the disapprovement of killing innocent animals, there are actually quite a number of benefits of sacrificing our animals. Without them we would never be able to reach this far especially when it comes to foods, medicines and clothes which are pivotal things for human survivability. For instance, the winter clothes are made mainly by the fur of animals, and I do not think it is feasible to live without such utilities in a cold country these days.

Therefore, I have to confess that even though it is necessary to get the most out of this planet especially animals to survive on this inhospitable planet. However, we should know how to weigh about the animals and hamper our avarice, since animals can be extinct in any split second if we begin to lavish them.

Hello guys this is my first IELTS essay so please check my essay austerely!:D
Vns9x   
Jan 26, 2015
Writing Feedback / Experiences will aid you in various ways, but are no more sufficient for this contemporary world [3]

Many people say that the only way to guarantee a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work.

how far do you agree or disagree with the above views?
Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Qualification has always been a pivotal thing when it comes to having a good job with a proper salary. It is all about money after all in this world as far as I know. While it is a sheer a truth that experiences will aid you in various ways , notwithstanding they are not sufficient for this contemporary world any longer. This essay would discuss both these opinions in great detail and personal opinion simultaneously.

The majority of human beings these days have been attempting to pursue and obtain the best qualifications since most of the places require you to possess at least one qualification. It is still possible to have none of them, however the job which does not demand you to have one is usually quite a shoddy and disappointing one. In other words, the job requires no qualification usually Is a low-paid one. As a result it is indispensable to possess at least one qualification to daydream.

Alongside those aforementioned arguments, there is an abundance of individuals, who reckon that it would be better to gather or collect as many experiences as possible in the early stage to be adept at your future job. Part of this argument is correct, however if you do not study, you will not have enough knowledge to reach your dream job and without qualification, not many folks will even notice you because you need to be salient and there are already way too many lowbrows or who are in the scenario of living on this planet without qualification.

So, I completely concur with the community which affirms that qualification especially the university one is imperative to have since without it, you will not be able to be anywhere near a good job due to the knowledge that you must have and people's notion.

Please rate my essay! this is an IELTs one 9 points is the max point you can obtain from this task!
250 words are recommended by raters!

ieltsdotorg/pdf/Writing%20Band%20descriptors%20Task%202.pdf
Vns9x   
Jan 26, 2015
Writing Feedback / Spending for space Project is Justify, other consider to be useless. [3]

To conclude, spending government money on the space exploration is not wisely a wise decision
On balance, my personal opinions that disadvantage of extra money for space outweigh the advantage.
it would sound much better if you excluded the idiom ;;on balance'' in your conclusion since you have already written ;;To conclude'' before that.
Vns9x   
Jan 27, 2015
Writing Feedback / The current energy sources that we use, contaminate our environment, as well as the mankind. [4]

Governments should make more effort to promote alternative sources of energy.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It has always been a salient topic when it comes to finding the alternative types of sources since the sources, which we are currently relying on are not everlasting and they are contaminating our planet. As a corollary, I completely support the community, which forces the government to seek for another sources that could surrogate the current ones.

There are numerous sources on this planet which are about to end such as oil, gas and without them, we will not be able to produce electricity. Electricity is the main source that our individuals utilize the most because the majority of our utilities require us to have electricity before using them. Imagine yourself, living as a typical contemporary person, you will have a phone, computers, laptops, lamps and all of them demand electricity. Consequently, finding another source of energy is indispensable, otherwise it would be inhospitable to live on this planet.

Along with the makeshift thing, the current sources that we use contaminate our environment as well as the mankind. For instance, cars or vehicle need petrol for them to operate and they usually pollute our atmosphere by emanating emissions also known as carbon dioxide. This can lead towards ailments and diseases for the humankind. Hence, the government need to immediately take actions to at least suppress those emissions and the most promising way to do so, is to search for another source of energy.

Thus, I have a robust belief that it is imperative for the government to take on the responsibilities of humankind and look for the substitutes for the current sources before facing the repercussions.

please list all my weaknesses :D
Vns9x   
Jan 27, 2015
Writing Feedback / ielts: Are we becoming more independent ? [6]

I just want to point out some of yours debilities. So, here we go!
The essay is requiring you to answer whether you agree or disagree with the prompt. It did not ask you to interpret both perspectives. So, if i had been you, i would have provided 2 reasons to illuminate my opinions and then concluded with my agreement or disagreement!

It was a good effort !
Do not hesitate to ask me !

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