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Posts by Pramudita
Name: Dita Ria Pramudika
Joined: Oct 5, 2015
Last Post: Nov 15, 2015
Threads: 14
Posts: 11  
Likes: 6
From: Indonesia
School: Universitas Cenderawasih

Displayed posts: 25
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Pramudita   
Nov 15, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: Information regarding recruitment of English teachers and French teachers in Ontario [3]

At the beginning of the period, French-language teachers ...

To begin, French and English language teachers had a similar total of recruitment at around 70%, then, both of them decreased significantly of a fifth at the following years. Afterwards, they experienced a different trend, the figures of English teachers recruitment declined, while a growth was showed by any other recruitment.

During a three-year period, French and English ...

During a 3-year period, recruitment of both language teachers rose gradually. However, at the end of this period, French teachers were more recruited, it peaked at approximately 75%, whereas the number of English teachers recruiting showed three times lower than other recruitment.
Pramudita   
Nov 13, 2015
Writing Feedback / The populations of India and China from 2000 to 2050. [3]

The number of inhabitants in India and China since 2000 and prediction of population growth in fifty years later are revealed in the graph. Overall, it can be seen that at the beginning, Indians were much fewer than Chinese totally, yet the number of both increased steadily until they will reach the same population in 2030. After this, the China's citizens will experience a decline, while the rate of people in any other country will go up sharply.

In 2000, the figures of Indians were as not high as the total inhabitants in China. They stood at 1 and 1.2 billion respectively. Then, both of lines went up significantly of almost 0.2 billion. Further, even though the population in these countries increased continuously, a rise which was experienced by the number of China's people was smaller than population of India.

Moreover, the inhabitants of these countries will have the same population in 2030. It will be represented at 1.45 billion. Afterwards, the number of Indian will incline, while the total of Chinese will decline. 1.6 billion people will stay in India, whereas China will have just under 1.4 billion citizens.




Pramudita   
Nov 12, 2015
Writing Feedback / Who uses the internet in Australia and what the reasons they use it. [NEW]

People who use the internet and the reasons why they use it are explained in the bar chart and table. Overall, it can be seen that the internet users are they who aged young, while aging people are not popular with it. Further, it is absolutely used for paying banking and bills.

With regards to the bar chart, 89% Australians use the internet. All of young people who aged between 14 and 17 cannot be separated from it. Afterwards, more than four-fifths citizens 18-64 years age group go online. In contrast, the internet is not important for the aged 65 and above, it is represented at just under 60 percent.

Turning to the table, banking and bills are believed to be two major purposes why Australians are more likely use the internet. The number reaches a peak of 62% and 63% respectively. In addition, more than half inhabitants open website to online shopping. However, only a few people are using it for call others and writing blogs.




Pramudita   
Nov 12, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Children are more dependent on junk foods rather than eating healthy food. [2]

Today, many children have an unbalanced diet, they are more dependent on junk foods rather than eating healthy food and health is a major issue among children these days.Many people thinkIt is believed that their parents and their teachers must solve this problem as soon as possible. I extremely agree with this statement because parents and school are an important part in the lives of children.

1. You must add information about the government in your introduction, since there is a description about the government in your fourth paragraph.
2. Also, you have to explain about unhealthy lifestyle of children in your body paragraph.

Pramudita   
Nov 12, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: The percentage of issues which people have when they stay in a new country [3]

Let me try to give some suggestion..

1. Use present simple as there is no date.
2. Avoid listing the data.
3. Avoid repetition of words, you should use different words in each paragraph. For example, the groups of people based on age, you can use aging people, young people, people in the middle group, or "people in the aged group 18 to 34", people 18-34 years age group"

Pramudita   
Nov 1, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1: How heat is lost and energy wasted since the air circulation in a house [3]

The diagram illustrates heat lost and energy wasted which are happened in a house due to the air circulation. Overall, it can be seen that the heat can lose since there are some ventilation making air gets into and out of the building.

There are three floors in the house. First, in the down stair, a dryer vent and crawl space create the air enter the house, while the windows in this floor causes outing the air from the construction.

Further, this building has three rooms in the second floor, an electrical outlet in toilet causes air leaving this house. Also, ventilation and windows in the middle room and kitchen have the same function making the air out through chamber.

Finally, in the top floor, a great deal of air out from several parts there (bathroom fan vent, plumbing stack vent, recessed lights, and attic hatch). The air getting out of the building causes heat lost and energy wasted.

Ref: aireaseleaks.org




Pramudita   
Nov 1, 2015
Writing Feedback / The Result of Social Economic Index: A Measurement in Several Represent Regions (IELTS Task 1) [2]

Hi Mujahid, these are my suggestion..
Firstly, there are many parentheses used.
secondly, correction for your last paragraph..

On the other hand, Peru (South America) and Zaire (Africa) presented a negative trend than Canada and Japan. Peru and Zaire experienced a quite lower score than Canada-Japan in annual income and calorie supply (both them measured by person),(not both of them which are measured by person, due to annual income is measured by $US)roughly ten times(ten times? i think it just for annual income, how about calorie supply? it also ten times?) less than them(you have to make it clearly) . In addition, life expectancy at birth in Peru (51) and 47 for Zaire.(where is your verb?) It means a half of Canada and Japan's had on it. Eventually, adult literacy rate became the biggest gap in this statistics, which Peru (68%) and Zaire (34%) from total populations each country.

Pramudita   
Nov 1, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1: Men and women arrested between 1989 and 1994 [NEW]

The pie chart reveals the percentage of men and women arrested, while the bar chart shows reasons why people were detained between 1989 and 1994. Overall, it can be seen that detention was more experienced by males than females, and the major reason why they were arrested was public drinking.

To begin, the total of the men detention was higher than the women. It was represented at 32% and 9% each. Furthermore, turning to the reasons for the most recent arrest, public drinking dominated the trend.

Firstly, males were arrested due to drink in public area and drink driving (roughly 31% and 27%), while breach of order, assault, theft, and other reasons was not popular. It was caused the percentage of these reasons showed solely under a fifht. Secondly, the factor which caused women hauled was public drinking, the number reached a peak at almost 40%, while other factors were not significant. The numbers showed two times lower than the rate of drinking in public area.




Pramudita   
Nov 1, 2015
Writing Feedback / The electricity generation was dominated by coal in New Zealand while Germany prefered other sources [2]

Electricity Generation by Source in New Zealand and Germany



The pie charts compare the sources of electricity generation in two countries from 1980 to 2010. Overall, it can be seen that the electricity generation in New Zealand was dominated by coal, while nuclear, natural gas, and coal also was popular sources in Germany. In addition, the total of electricity generation in these countries rose twice over 30-year period.

In New Zealand, the source was dominated by coal. The number stood at 56 in 1980, then it rocketed roughly three times in the 20-year later. Also, hydro experienced a rise. The number started at 30 and rose slowly to 46 units. However, other sources as such natural gas and petroleum declined to 2 units in 2010, whereas the numbers showed at 30 and 11 respectively in the first year.

In any other country, there was nuclear which rocketed almost eight times from 20 to 155. Similiarly, the total of petroleum also inclined over the period, represented at 22 in 1980 and 27 at the end of this period. However, coal which was produced by Germany remained stable at 28 units. Further, this country resulted natural gas and hydro whose total dropped significantly. The number of natural gas stood at 28 and inclined to 2 units in 2010, while a decrease by 5 units experienced by the rate of hydro.




Pramudita   
Oct 12, 2015
Writing Feedback / There are more benefits of moving around than just staying in a city throughout human life [2]

In the past, people usually stayed in one place throughout their life. These days, people often move around. They often live in several different places in their lifetime. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both?

In bygone era, every people tended to stay in a place they were born and made them comfortable with, while humans these days prefer to move to other places where they gain a better life. I would argue that there are many merits and demerits of staying in the same city, yet moving around offers more merits surely.

In the past, there were many citizens said that they would not move to anywhere else. They definitely felt pleasurable with area they familiar with. It was believed that they did not need adapt with other environments. However, staying in a town where they had to face same population and weather all their life could make them bored.

On the other hand, a lot of new friends and new knowledge can be obtained by mankind who often migrates today. According to my experience when I was child, since demands of my parents' job, I had to live in Papua. It was great certainly, because I recognized several individuals who came from different regions. Moreover, I got many horizons such as traditions of other provinces my friends were born. Nonetheless, it is not pleasant perpetually, due to migrating requires inhabitants can adapt well, and surely some cannot adjust quickly, since there are many various ideas, cultures and religions from other cities.

To sum up, even though there is a major benefit for society living in a town throughout their life, but I reckon that nomadic is greater to a better life, since a lot of new relatives and knowledge are able to be gained.
Pramudita   
Oct 11, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : The Most Preferred Transportation For Workers in Houston, Texas [2]

Regarding to the bar chart, most of employees like to go to their working by car by themselves. Then, the second rank of selecting vehicle is train or bus, which is chosen by an old people aged 47 years old. Next, 11% of workers choose a shared car to travel to their office and 4% of citizens decide to ride their bicycle or walk to their job.

There is something missing here. The table also shows about average age of travelers, yet you just give a little explanation about it.
Hope you read the question carefully for next essay..

Pramudita   
Oct 11, 2015
Writing Feedback / In my opinion, schools and hospitals are more important than impressive buildings [2]

Some people think that large, impressive buildings are important for a city. Others believe that the money should be spent on improving schools and hospitals. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience!


Many argue that a city requires imposing constructions, yet others criticize it since they consider that development of schools and hospitals are more important. In my opinion, public facilities are truly significant for a town.

There is a reason why buildings having amazing structures become extremely important for a city. This is because those can be an identity of a town which capable to attract tourists so as to increase government revenue. It is really effective, since tourism sector has given a large contribution for the income of city. Taking Eifel tower in Paris as an example, this has become an icon for France which brings many holidaymakers. At least 84 million foreigners visited this city last year, since wanted to capture moment at Eifel which was the one of seven wonders on Earth.

However, I believe that improvement of schools and hospitals should be prioritized, since these are main factors for human survival. Firstly, schools give knowledge which is useful to gain better life in the future. To illustrate, who want to be a minister of finance must understand how to organize gaining of country, and surely the horizon of this only can be obtained at school. Hospital is also needed, because these provide health facilities for inhabitants, and definitely mankind who are healthy can do whatever they want. For instance, individuals will not able to go to office if they are getting sick.

To conclude, although remarkable buildings are essential element for a city, yet I believe that education and health are more significant for human life. Therefore the government should spend more earnings to reform schools and hospitals.
Pramudita   
Oct 10, 2015
Writing Feedback / The Tourism Destroyed by The Tourist - Task 2 for IELTS [4]

... much more than the benefits, especially the negative impact offor the environments and cultures .

... benefits to the country, especially for the government and the local inhabitant. Firstly, The government gets much additional income by the visitors. For instance, France is a country with the highest wages from the tourism sector, and the government is able to allocate ...You just explain about the government expenditure, not the revenue. You should give more explanation about income of government. Taxes which are collected from tourism, for instance, it will increase earnings of government.

In addition, the citizen also helpfully by this trend, because they will gain much money. they are able to be a guide

... human being in Borobudur Temple in Indonesia werewas a guide, they help foreign people ...

The big number of the tourism places areis damaged by the visitors nowadays.

... many of the conventional ceremonies or conventional heritages have shown ...

All in all, tourism not only gives benefits to the government ...
Pramudita   
Oct 10, 2015
Writing Feedback / Visiting another country is always better than only watching it on television [2]

Some people say that you can learn more about another country by watching television programmes and films about it than by actually visiting it.
How true is this statement? Is there anything you can learn about another country by visiting it that you cannot learn by watching programmes and films about it?


These days, television has been vastly popular among society. Many argue that programs and films featured on television can be the most effective spectacles of learning. It could be accepted, but I strongly believe that visiting other countries is better, since humans are able to study more such as behavior of inhabitants that cannot be obtained by only watching television.

First of all, through TV, people are able to learn about culture of country. This is because some films virtually reflect culture of the place they come from. A film: Memoirs of Geisha, for instance, informs insight of Japanese cultures such as procedures for the tea ceremony and how to wear traditional clothes as kimono. It certainly will help mankind to gain much knowledge about Japan.

On the other hand, some lessons cannot be understood without coming to the area, thanks to much information actually are not aired on television programs. It is caused many things cannot be told in detail, so that only by travelling to the site the information is known as a whole. Taking Papua as an example, because some news on TV, I thought Papua was really old-fashioned, primitive city. However, when I went to the town, it was extremely unexpected, because I found the city possessed the modern infrastructures: malls, cinemas and hotels. Moreover, the local people who I met were very friendly, whereas some news reported that Papua's communities were truly cruel.

To sum up, although humans acquire a lot of cognizance easily just by seeing shows and movies on TV, but going to other places is useful, since some horizons cannot be found, if individuals only watch television.
Pramudita   
Oct 10, 2015
Writing Feedback / Simple tip for a life: Follow your passion and you'll be happy. [2]

Some people say that in order to be happy , you must have a job you love doing. Others say that other factors are more important . Do you think that people can only be happy if they have a job they really enjoy?

Next essay, you should truly understand the question.

Some people argue that the most important from a job is the satisfaction of the workers themselves. Another believe that people do not need to love his work so that they are happy through it, but there are another factors.

I reckon that your paraphrase out of topic, since you explain about job. I think you should give better explanation of happiness factors.

I truly believe that if people's job appropriate with his passion, they will more happily.

That should be emphasized isobtain a great job which appropriate with people passion is the only factor to achieve happiness? or there are many reasons are more significant?
Pramudita   
Oct 9, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: The vehicles are favored by workers in Houston, Texas [3]

The table and the bar chart below give information about travelling to work in Houston, Texas.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.


The table and chart show the proportion of employees in Houston, Texas to work using four different transports. Also, these show the average age of travelers and how much carbon dioxide produced by each vehicles. Overall, it can be seen that workers tend to use private car, it causes the amount of carbon dioxide resulted is extremely high.

With regards to the transportation use, private car is the most favored vehicle to go to office with the number of commuters just under a half percent. There is train or bus in the second rank with 37% laborers totally. Further, the least percentage showed by car driven many workers and cycle or walk, only 11% and 4% each.

People aged between 43 and 44 more likely use cars. In addition, humans aged almost a half century tend to take a public transport such as train or bus, while those aged almost 40 prefer to take bicycle or on foot.

Private car produces the highest amount of carbon dioxide, roughly 0.32 kilograms per person while another car results approximately 0.08 kilograms. The least percentage indicated by bus or train and cycle or walk which generate 0.1 kilograms and none emissions respectively.




Pramudita   
Oct 9, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : The different ways of collecting water to fulfill the irrigation [2]

Overall, it can be seen that both of thisthese techniques use a different equipment but same aim.

The first method is called swing basket. This way uses two persons andsome tools such as ropes and basket from bamboo or leather. Also, it needs people involvement.

Secondly, two persons stand face to face while hold 2 robes each person . Then, they working together to fill the basket with water and move the water to the canal irrigation by ropes in their hands.to lift the basket which has been filled with water

and move it to the canal irrigation


The second method is called rope and bucket. This technique is more complicated than the first method, because this uses more complicatedmany equipment, such as basket, pulley, rollers, ropes, and animal as a mover.

...then fasten the other side of the ropes to the animal, such a cow as a mover .

Many repetition words on this essay, such as "use, fasten, connect,..."
I suggest to avoid this.

Pramudita   
Oct 9, 2015
Writing Feedback / Comparing two traditional techniques to accumulate water for irrigation. [3]

The diagrams below show two methods of collecting water for irrigation purposes.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant.


The diagrams compare two traditional techniques to accumulate water for irrigation. Even though the second way is more complex, but it can be seen that both of them use simple tools.

The first method is swing basket. The humans are involved to lift a hamper which is made of bamboo or leather and has been tied to two ropes. First, people take the water in the river which has a depth of less than two meters. Then, by swinging the basket, those splash the water into the irrigation channel.

While the first manner needs mankind involvement, the animals such as buffalo or cow do their duty in rope and bucket technique. Also, the devices used in this method completely different. There are a bucket, pulley and roller which have been tied to ropes and connected with the cow. To start with, the pail thrown into the well as deep as fifty meters, then the cow pulls a bucket which has been filled with water. It becomes easier since there is slope making the cow can lift simplify the pail. Finally, the water is collected in the irrigation channel.
Pramudita   
Oct 9, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : The most favorite conveyance for employees in Houston, Texas [3]

Firstly, you should write only 150-200 words on writing task 1.
secondly, make your introduction is simpler with combine the explanation between the table and the bar chart.


The table chart reveals the percentage of vehicle used to work by humansthat workers in Houston use to go to work and the average age of users ofwith four different vehicles. The bar chart shows the number of CO2 emissions that the vehicles produced during the working activity.

Also, your overview is too complicated. You should make it clearly.
let me try to re-write it.


Overall, it can be seen that people aged 47 years old prefer travelling to work by train or bus. The highest percentage of vehicles that workers use is a single passenger car, and also the same type of vehicle becomes the greatest number of CO2 emissions producers.

Overall, it can be seen that workers tend to use private car, so that it causes the amount of carbon dioxide produced is extremely high.
Pramudita   
Oct 8, 2015
Writing Feedback / How to be happy? I strongly believe that there are many factors to be cheerful. [2]

Some people say that in order to be happy, you must have a job you love doing. Others say that other factors are more important.

Do you think that people can only be happy if they have a job they really enjoy?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


Some argue that owning a job which they interest with can make them happy. Other people believe that there are other reasons are more crucial. Both of these are acceptable, but I completely disagree that doing a pleasant job is only way to be cheerful, there are many causes making humans happier.

Finding a great job is one of most people goals. Those who spend time to do comfortable occupation were found considerably gladder, since they are able to distribute their hobby. To be specific, mankind who enjoy singing will happier if they achieve a job as singer. This is because following their passions is more important than just think of salary.

On the other hand, many motives are believed to be the keys of pleasures. Firstly, having well quality of relationships, including families, friends or partners can reach gladness. It is caused those are not only always there to support humans needing them but also understand how to make people smile. For example, when people sad, have failed to finish their study; family, friend and partner will encourage them to keep spirit. Another reason is giving to others. Many think that carrying to surroundings is able to make them satisfied. Mahatma Gandhi said that the best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others. Therefore, who are involved to charity event feel joyful. For instance, teaching children from poor families will make people obtain happiness.

In conclusion, many factors motivate humans to enjoy their life. Not only gaining a comfortable job definitely, but also possessing a wonderful relationship and caring to others.
Pramudita   
Oct 8, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 : Watch or Visit The Different Cultures In The World. [3]

hallo Kent, i will try to check your essay..

Firstly, you have written more than 500 words. It is too much, you should write min 250 words and max less than 300 on writing task 2.

- The uniqueness of a country makes some personpeople curious about it.
- staying with local people and learning about the culture of the local people.their cultures
- In addition, the traveler who visits remote village directly...
- Also, diet will be a factor which is influencinginfluences(or reducing it, with delete which and change verb to verb-ing) the tourist to staying in the village for a long time.

- So, not all the human beings can get a holiday in tribal tourism.

I suggest avoiding repetition of words, such as "directly" and "thanks to"
Pramudita   
Oct 7, 2015
Writing Feedback / Could humans survive without the internet? [3]

The internet is probably the most significant invention of the last 30 years. Without it, our lives would be completely different.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


Over the last three decades, internet has affected humans' life style. It can be seen that there are many differentiation brought by discovery of internet. I totally agree that internet extremely important to support people's activities.

The first is the negative impacts of internet use. One of the biggest problems is pornography. These days, most of teenagers can easily access porn videos or upload pornographic materials on the adult's website with their hand phone through internet connection. This is a main demerit which can harm mind of children and affect their attitudes such as having more imagination toward sex.

Nonetheless, this invention has several positive impacts for societies' life. Firstly, internet users utilize to communicate with others. All people are easier and faster to contact their relatives. Taking facebook as an example, it can be used to contact someone including their friends, families and colleagues. Moreover, internet also is used to gain information. In the past, it was difficult to search materials of lessons; nowadays, thanks to internet, humans are able to obtain more information to support their study. To exemplify, the students capable of finishing their education because of web encyclopedias.

All in all, despite the fact that there is a major drawback of using internet, I believe this principally help inhabitants to do their activities. In truth, people can live without the internet as they have done for thousands of years ago, also, children who grow up in an internet era should able to adapt with the situation which there is no internet connection.
Pramudita   
Oct 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / Some dire effects of tourism - I argue that visitors should preserve the environments [NEW]

Some people say that tourism has many negative effects on the countries that people travel to.
How true is this statement? what can tourist do to reduce the harmful effects of tourism on local cultures and environments?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience.


Many argue that tourism can bring some dire effects particularly for cultures and surroundings of countries. I totally agree that tourism cause more the drawbacks than the benefits.

At first glance, one of the positive effects arisen by tourist place is many job vacancies. It is caused by many public facilities must be built so that it is requiring significant number of human resources. United Kingdom, for instance, has spent billions of dollars to improve the facilities such as roads and airports. Therefore there are a lot of humans can be worked.

However, there are many negative effects especially for cultures and environments. Firstly, infrastructures development such as roads can damage the natural habitat of animals. This is because many forecasts occurred to expand the roads then this diminishes the amount of forest land and increase population risk of animals down up. To exemplify, Yosemite National Park in US which are home to hundreds of endangered animals, the number of animals has been reduced because there are many expansions of the roads.

Also, tourism brings a detrimental effect to cultures. Holidaymakers alter indigenous identity of local inhabitants because tourism causes movement of human beings to other places and it makes cultures exchange. For example, tourists can affect language of local citizens so that it makes their language is not original anymore.

To sum up, I believe that there are many consequences of tourism places, and I argue that visitors should preserve the environments; respect the cultures of native people and do not try to change it.
Pramudita   
Oct 5, 2015
Writing Feedback / Opinions of televised talent shows - these programs are not just for consolation [3]

Televised talent shows have become popular in many societies today.
Are these shows a good method of finding talented people, or are they just entertainment?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


These days, talent shows on television are able to be seen in every channel then it has attracted attention of inhabitants to watch these. Some argue that these programs are brilliant idea to look for entertaining people, but others reckon that these are made just for enjoyment. I strongly agree that programs are carried out to find humans having a hidden talent.

First of all, many believe that it is only popularity shows. This is because the televised talent shows are be done only for entice many spectators to watch and it definitely can produce too much money. A case in point, a gifted even like Indonesian Idol can reap thousands of dollars. It is supported by statement of Daniel Hartono who is Director Project of Indonesian Idol; he said that it can obtain benefit up to $950,000 in one contest season.

On the other hand, others opine that the best method to detect ingenious citizens is creating televised talent programs. This is because these programs possess fair way to determine who is worthy to become a winner. To exemplify, Indonesian Idol having experienced juries do not pay attention to contestant backgrounds since they only see quality of candidate voices. Like Haris, who is a gainer of Indonesian Idol in 2008. At the past, he was only a singing beggar, but he had a fascinating voice, so that the judges gave him a high score which made him to be a winner.

To conclude, I believe that the programs of searching aptitude are used to be looking for the talent of people not just for consolation. This is because these programs will release talented generations.