Writing Feedback / Task 1 - Perceived and Actual Crime in 2009 and 2010 [3]

The bar chart illustrates the data regarding the prediction damage and actual dangerous of criminal victim. The data set is took over 2-year period started from 2009 to 2010 and is measured in percentage. There are three type of criminal case such Burglary, Car Crime, and Violent Crime. It is noticeable that Car Crime was the most dangerous crime both perceived and actual crime in 2009 and 2010. Therefore, actual crime was a lowest proportion in all of three type of crime.

First of all, perceived Car Crime was the highest crime occurred in 2009 at level more than 20%. Next, the forecast of Burglary and Violent Crime were roughly same proportion at around 15%. Moreover, in 2010 the criminal action had a same pattern that perceived Car Crime led a number of crimes at around 17% and the next position Burglary and Violent Crime were at the level almost 15%.

Furthermore, the real action crime for three type of criminal was in the minimal percentage at less than 5%. In 2009, the proportion of Car Crime was a third of the perceived Burglary in 2010 at around 5%.

• 
  
  

Writing Feedback / Over the 50-year period, the women role has transformed in several countries. [4]

Question:
The position of women has changed a great deal in many countries over the past 50 years. But these societies connect claim to have achieved gender equality.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Over the 50-year period, the women role has transformed in several countries. They can obtain various of equality from this revolution. Some people argue that adult girls have to stay at home as a perfect housewife but the other states that is more essential if they go to another organization obtains more experience. In my opinion, I absolutely agree with this notion that it brings more benefits for them such as in education, politic, and government.

First of all, an ancient population declare that adult women are not crucial to join in the societies because they have a responsibility for managing a house. Moreover, they do not oblige to get a job since in conventional family just a husband who has to work. For this reason, women have to finish the housing activity such as carrying their children and accompany this husband. Furthermore, they have unequal education and do not have opportunity to leave from their houses. Some studies found that majority adult women in Asia stay at home and supervise their houses. As a result they cannot achieve the equality in life.

On the other hand, some individual state that the evolution has came. Women must obtain an opportunity to join with societies. Now, in several countries we see that many institutions use the adult girls as employer. It brings to develop the equality of gender. For illustrate, women who has a chance to get an education, for this they can obtain a perfect job like as a teacher in school organization. In addition, a woman who has good education and desire to fulfill in the local authority can become a politician. As a result in the side of life no differences between men and women.

To sum up, it is no doubt that women have to get an equal opportunity in social societies, therefore they can improve their abilities and knowledge.

Writing Feedback / The benefits and drawbacks of the holiday at Fairmont Island are illustrated in the charts. [3]

The benefits and drawbacks of the holiday at Fairmont Island are illustrated in the pie charts. The data set is obtained from survey of Fairmont Island visitors and is measured in percentage. The most obvious pieces of information are that more frequent detrimental for visiting the island is high of living cost; however, the plus point is the people.

First of all, majority of tourists say that the main problem of the place is elevated of living price. In addition, a third of visitor chooses the entertainment, a fifth state the weather, and minority of them say that food quality is not satisfying around five percent.

On the other hand, they declare that the citizens are the most advantages in this area around 40%. Then, plus a third of tourist say that the view is more benefit. Furthermore, visitor chooses a high-quality of lodging and the ethnicity as another advantage in percentage 11% and 12% respectively.

• 
  
  

Writing Feedback / task 1 - The Percentage of Places Visited by Different People in Australia [4]

The bar chart portrays the data about the places where is visited by three different people living in Australia. They are individuals who born in Australia, New migrants who born in English spoken countries, and New migrants who born in other countries. The data set is measured in percentage. The most obvious information are that Cinema is the highest place visited by the Australian and new English spoken migrants but Theater has the minimum proportion of place visited by the three different visitors.

First of all, Cinema is predominant space visited by people who born in Australia and English-speaking countries. Furthermore, the proportion of spot visited exactly same between Cinema where is visited by migrants from other countries and Zoo where is visited by English spoken migrants. In addition, Zoo visited by Australian and other countries have virtually visitors with Library visited by Australian and English spoken persons at around 30-40%.

On the other hand, all three different people origin visits very rare for Theater, all at under 30%. Moreover, Library is the different location where is visited. All three other places, they are Zoo, Theater, and Cinema show that person who born Australian and English spoken more visit than new migrants born in other countries. However, in Library individuals who most visited are New migrants from other countries.

• 
  
  

Writing Feedback / TV programs, which contain extreme force action, hold negative effects on children's interaction [2]

These days, we are seeing an increasing amount of violence an television and this is having a negative impact on children's behavior. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, television becomes a citizen basic need that must be full fill. Television provides various kind of TV's show. Some individuals notice that television's programs which contain extreme force action hold negative effects on children's interaction. I absolutely agree with this notion since it create idles children and they imitate the ugly scene that was seen in television.

First of all, programs of television bring knowledge to the audience including the children. Television shows several educative programs like how to make some items or education about the environment. Seeing a quality TV's programs bring benefit for people especially children education. In addition, television also serves various entertainment solaces such as film, music, comedy, news, and drama. Those agenda are as a refreshment tool for the audience.

However, a negative side of television programs are occurred. Children who look TV's show more time to time becoming lazy person. They have not a schedule for watching or for study, they want just see television. As a result, they have not time to study. Moreover, TV programs have impact to children reaction. Children tempt to imitate that they regard directly without filter. If they regard hardness action, they imitate directly around them like to their friends, brother, or sister. To illustrate, children who see scene shoot action in the war, they attempt to shoot their friend although utilize the gun toys.

In conclusion, it is clear to me that although there are benefits looking television's show, there are also drawbacks. I would argue that TV's show are containing force activities should be avoided especially for children since it brings negative impact on children's behaviour. Parents should take notice of their children seeing. Furthermore, government with their regulation should reduce unessential TV's program.

Writing Feedback / Encouraged sense of competition and taught to co-operate become more useful adults [NEW]

Question:
Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give own opinion.

Some individuals believe that children should be taught the spirit of competition before they become adolescent. On the other hand, the other person says that children must be better if they are encouraged to be co-operate people. In my opinion, stimulating children to have spirit of rivalry is more interest.

First of all, becoming more useful mature person, it is essential to train the children to co-operate awareness such as a team work. If a great team work well-behaved in adolescent, they could complete the job easily and finish rapidly. For example, the job that has been responsible for 5 persons would be done more rapid than this job is worked by 3 people. As a result, when children becoming adult and they have spirit of helping, useful individual would arrive.

On the other hand, there are a number of reasons why implant the spirit of competition is essential. Firstly, children who encouraged being more competitive able to perform under pressure when they become a worker due to the habitual work under competition with other. Under competition working design the individual perform better than the other and desire to be a champion in each challenge. In addition, teach the rivalry create a struggle person since individual who desire to win the competition should fight harder. As a result, they make considerable efforts to receipt that they need.

To sum up, although some individuals argue teach to co-operate more useful for children, I would argue there is sufficient evidence to implant the spirit of competition that make the children become more struggle.

Writing Feedback / Task 1 - The line graph shows the data regarding the book's purchased in four European countries [2]

The line graph shows the data regarding the book's purchased four different country in Europe. The data set was taken over a 10-year period starting from 1995 to 2005 and is measured in millions of US dollars. The most obvious pieces of information are that the number of money spent on books in Germany was the highest level and changed gradually over the period of observation.

To begin, Germany book's purchased stood at $80 millions in 1995, over the following four years began from 1995 to 1999, there was a slight rose to $90 millions. In 2003, money spent on books in Germany decreased minimally then increased sharply to $95 millions in 2005. It was always became the highest level of money spent than the other three country.

Next, France and Italy have a same trend on book's purchased. They began at a fairly similar level of between $50 and $60 millions in 1995. France book's purchased rose gradually and reached at $75 millions in the end of period, but while the amount of money spent on books in Italy grew slightly over the following two years then fell at $50 millions in 1999. However, it was increased gradually until the end of period. In contrast, Austria book's purchased became exists in the third position at near $75 millions for the level of money spent after it was overtook Italy book's purchased in 2003.

The line graph shows the data regarding the book's purchased four different country in Europe. The data set was taken over a 10-year period starting from 1995 to 2005 and is measured in millions of US dollars. The most obvious pieces of information are that the number of money spent on books in Germany was the highest level and changed gradually over the period of observation.

To begin, Germany book's purchased stood at $80 millions in 1995, over the following four years began from 1995 to 1999, there was a slight rose to $90 millions. In 2003, money spent on books in Germany decreased minimally then increased sharply to $95 millions in 2005. It was always became the highest level of money spent than the other three country.

Next, France and Italy have a same trend on book's purchased. They began at a fairly similar level of between $50 and $60 millions in 1995. France book's purchased rose gradually and reached at $75 millions in the end of period, but while the amount of money spent on books in Italy grew slightly over the following two years then fell at $50 millions in 1999. However, it was increased gradually until the end of period. In contrast, Austria book's purchased became exists in the third position at near $75 millions for the level of money spent after it was overtook Italy book's purchased in 2003.

• 
  
  

Writing Feedback / IELTS Brighton's attractions; the Pavilion visitors reached a highest proportion of tourists in 1995 [5]

The line graph portrays the data regarding the proportion of visitors from four different attractions in Brighton, there are Art Gallery, Pavilion, Pier, and Festival. The data set starting from 1980 to 2010 and is measured in percentage. It is important to note that the percentage of visitors moved gradually and the Pavilion visitor reached a highest proportion of tourists in 1995.

To begin, the proportion of tourists who visited festival attractions in Brighton stood at 30%, it was the biggest value in 1980 than the other three attractions. However, this visitors attraction did not moved significantly, it was a slow declined between 20% and 30%. However, it increased slightly in 2000, leveling of at the same percentage for the remainder of the period. The percentage of Pier tourists has a similar trend, it began at 10% and then run fluctuated. It grew gradually starting from 2000 and overtook the Art Gallery visitors in 2005. In the of the period, it reached the percentage of Festival tourists.

Pavilion and Art Gallery have a same pattern, they began at level of between 20% and 30% in 1980. Both Art Gallery and Pavilion rose dramatically and hit a peak in 1985 for Art Gallery and in 1995 for Pavilion. Following this, they fell significantly and Art Gallery became the lowest performance who visited in Brighton. On the other hand, Pavilion unchanged this position and became the most attraction who visited in Brighton.

• 
  
  

Writing Feedback / The line chart compares the data regarding the figure of books read by men and women at Burnaby Lib. [4]

The line chart compares the data regarding the figure of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library starting from 2011 to 2014. The data is measured in the number of books read. The most obvious pieces of information are that the number of men readers rose significantly and overtook the number of women readers at approximately 10,000 books in 2013.

Initially, the level of books read by women stood at around 6,000 books in 2011, it was higher than men reader that stood at around 2,000 to 4,000 books. After that, the number of women readers rose gradually from 2011 to 2013 and hit a peak a highest point to 10,000 books in 2013. After a short peak, the number of books read decreased at around 4,000 to 5,000 in 2014.

On the other hand, the rate of books read by men stood at more than 2,000 in 2011. This trend to increase significantly and overtook the number of women readers in 2013. It moved from about 2,000 to 4,000 in 2011 and reached a 14,000 at the end of this period.

• 
  
  

Writing Feedback / Task 1 - Outokumpu Stock Price in euros between 2006 and 2010 [3]

The line graph presents the data about the stock price movement of Outokumpu corporation started from January 2006 to December 2010 and is measured in euros (€). It is noticeable that the volatility of Outokumpu's stock price was very fluctuative and reached a highest point in the end of 2006.

First of all, Outokumpu's price stood at roughly 10€ to 15€ in the beginning of 2006 then rose gradually until reached a highest level to more than 30€ in the end of 2006. Following this, the stock price Outokumpu fluctuated until reached 20€ in the end of 2007.

After that, in the fisrt quartal of 2008 the share price grew rapidly and almost reached a highest point in 2006. However, the stock price plunged dramatically and jumped to a lowest level at around 5€ to 10€ in the end of 2008. Started in 2009, the stock price increased slowly and grew with small volatility until in the end of period.

• 
  Outokumpu Stock Price in Euros between 2006 and 2010