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Posts by Masfufah [Suspended]
Name: Masfufah
Joined: Mar 30, 2016
Last Post: Apr 10, 2016
Threads: 10
Posts: 12  
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From: Indonesia
School: Hasanuddin University

Displayed posts: 22
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Masfufah   
Apr 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / The diagram presents the process that is used to produce bricks to construct a building [2]

Overall, it can be seen that,NO COMMA the method of production are complex ...

First, the clay areIS dug by digger, following this the clay ...
Then it is A rolled on roller.
Next, it is inputedINPUTTED to mould or wide cutter. Then bricks are inputedINPUTTED on drying oven for 24 or 48 hours. Following this, the brick inputted to kiln? moderate with temperature 200- degree celciusCELSIUS -980 degree celciusCELSIUS and the briks are continued to high kil? with temperature 870 degree celciusCELSIUS -1300 degree celciusCELSIUS . Before being packed , the bricks are inputedINPUTTED to colling? chamber fo 48-72 hours. After the bricks areIS packed, the brick are ready ...
Masfufah   
Apr 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / The Oldest People Love To See Cinema ___ IELTS Task 1 [4]

Hi Ansor, let me check your essay !

... who came to the movie theatre in the the United Kingdom (USA and UK have special article THE while others do not need ) from 1990 to 2010 as a projected year , a two-decade period, wasis revealed in the line graph.

... but in the middle of period, there werewas a slight decrease for all age types.

here some corrections from, hope it help.
Masfufah   
Apr 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / The changes of buildings construction in the Queen Mary Hospital alongside the main road (1960-2000) [2]

Hi Anaguna, Let me check your essay !

Overall, The most noticeable change is (please be aware of the time, in this task you should use past tense due to the years) the development of public health ...

... just south of the hospital was a car park and the farmland iswas to the left of it.
However, there waswere two areas (be aware of plural noun ) changed like (...) cancer housing, and then flattening of farmland to build a nursing school (I do not find verb here, after AND, If you want to make another sentence, do not forget to put the verb ).
Masfufah   
Apr 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1, Viewers watch the channels One News - the line graph conclusions [2]

A breakdown of the number of viewers who watch thea channels One News (the channel just one, do not add up the new information ) divided by four time periods in over years and is measured by million, (do not forget put comma, because it can be double verb if you do not put comma here ) is depicted in the line graph. Overall, (here, you need comma ) it can be seen that three schedules are began (begun ) (Passive BE + PP ) from the first month, whereas ...

On the other hand, starting May, there are some motions.
... and then rockets at 4.1 on August, (you do not need comma here, SV connector SV ) when the number of 9.30 ...

Here my correction. hopefully, Those help.
Masfufah   
Apr 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / The line chart shows the number of growth population in the worldwide from over a 300-years period [NEW]

The graphs below provide information on global population figures and figures for urban populations in different world regions. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The line graph illustrates the world population growth between 1800 and 2100 in millions of people. While the bar chart shows predicted urban population figures for the next 25 years. Overall, it can be seen that, the population growth is increasing steadily from 1800 until middle period of report. However, the population in developing countries would be significantly higher than that of developed regions.

According to the first graph, the number of global population stood at 1000 in 1800, afterwards it experienced a slight increase and arrived at 2,000 in 1920. After that the population of the world simply boomed and it rocketed to 6000 million in the year 2000. The global population is expected to peak at 8.2 billion by 2050, and then decline to around 6.2 billion by 2100.

Regarding to the second graph, urban population in developed regions will remain stable approximately 1200 from 2015 to 2040. However, urban population in developing regions will increase start at around 2100 in 2015. On the contrary, the population of the developing country will keep increasing and would reach to 4000 millions in 2040.




Masfufah   
Apr 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / Changes in expenses of an average Australian family between 1991 and 2001, measured in US dollars [2]

The table below shows the monthly expenditure of an average Australian family in 1991 and 2001. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table gives information about changes in expense of an average Australian family between 1991 and 2001, and is measured in US dollars. Overall, it can be seen that the spending of an average Australian family was higher in 2001 than 1991, 715 and 675 per month respectively.

In 1991, the expenditure on non-essential goods and services was 250 which was highest among the given category. This reached to 270 in 2001 which was also the highest amount among the given expense categories in 2001. While the amount of expenditure in electricity and water saw a dramatic increase over the ten year period from 75 to 120. At the same time, the amount of money spent in characterized food and housing with minor increases both 5 and non-essential goods and services expenditures about 20.

However, some categories decreased in the period considered. This is the case of clothing expenses fell from 30 to 20. And transport budget was dropped of almost 30, from 70 in 1991 to 45 in 2001. Following this, it can be seen that food and other goods and services were the two biggest items of expenditure.




Masfufah   
Apr 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / An info about vehicles utilizing in Edmonton and some society reasons for using a car in the town. [4]

The pie chart presents the information about vehicles utilize in Edmono ton, and the table shows the society reasons for using the car in town. Overall, the greatest vehicle use are car. It can also seen that the mos cocietiest' reasons use the car are for commute to work.

MY SUGGESTION:
THE PIE CHART GIVES INFORMATION TYPE OF TRANSPORT USED IN EDMONTON AND THE TABLE SHOWS THE PERCENTAGE OF REASON USING THEIR CAR. OVERALL, IT CAN BE SEEN THAT, THE MOST FAMOUS TYPE OF TRANSPORT IS CAR AND IS USED FOR COMMUTE WORK

Masfufah   
Apr 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2: In order to be happy, you must have a job you love doing [2]

Some people say that in order to be happy, you must have a job you love doing. Others say that others factors are more important. Do you think that people can only be happy if they have a job really enjoy?

Job is a half of life. Many people spend their most time in work place. Some people believe that the most important thing to be happy is have an occupation that we enjoy doing. Others think that the source of happiness is not only derived from our work.

On the one hand, working is one of activity that can make people happy. It is because working promising human needs like actualization. Many variety of reasons why people should do a job which they really enjoy so as to be happy. Firstly, occupations that can facilitate our idea make us satisfied. We feel appreciated because our creativity got attention from our boss. Secondly, by doing something that we love, we can improve our skills. That is because we work in passion so we want to produce something better than before.

On the other hand, sometimes people can be bored when facing same things in many times and this is a human nature. They believe that there are many things in their life that can be the sources of their happiness, such as family, good relationship with others and feel secure from danger. hey need to do different activities such as socializing and relaxing that treat something besides professional matter like sincere feeling and affection. For instance, People can share their sorrow and happiness if they have many persons who always care to them, so that they believe that many people who trust to them around them. In other word, half others of people's life are family and love.

In conclusion, it is certainly true that an enjoyable job can be a significant factor for many people to feel happily, but this is by no means the key consideration for true joy.
Masfufah   
Apr 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Can we get more knowledge about the whole world only by television broadcasts or movies? [2]

Some people say that you can learn more about another country by watching television programs and film about it than by actually visiting it. How true this statement? Is there anything you can learn about another country by visiting it that you cannot learn by watching programmes about it?

In modern era, some people believe that they can get more knowledge about worldwide by television broadcast or movie. While several people argue that they can get many experience through visiting the area, such as unique traditional in another country can only be experienced by travelling.

With regards to the broadcast and movie, many people get more information by watching television shows. They assume this is the only way to save time while they acquaire knowledge about different country. They do not have to spend a lot of time and many to gain the experience. As well, the television shows has tourism program which show a reporter touring a country, while guiding the audience to learn about history in the area, special food, culture and so on. As a result, lots of people really understand how the real people culture in different country even some of them can imitate the culture like a costum or style.

However, I believe that people cannot get all their information from simply watching programme and movie about a country. They should be visit the country because documentary have certain limitations. People have to get journey for learning foreign habits in different countries. People must live in around foreigner and make relation to them while people also pay attention habits of foreigners. For example, La Tomatina is the biggest tomato fight in the world, held in the Valencian town of Bunol, Spain. Several people was displayed on television, they cannot feel the situation there. But, when they can visit the place, they can allow and enjoy that festival with pleasure. It is evident that going to other countries would give people more valuable experiences and knowledge.

To conclude, even though people can get more knowledge about different country and do not need a great deal of money to be able to tour other country just by watching enermous documenters film, taking vacation to the new states would give people lesson of culture and history directly. They would have chances to communicate and learn about the country so well.
Masfufah   
Apr 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / The effect of global trade increase - goverment changes so local companies can take advantage of it [3]

As global trade increase, many goods, including those we use on a daily basis, are produced in other countries and have to be transported long distance. Do the benefits of this trend outweigh the drawbacks?

Due to the increase in international trade, many of the goods that made in a different country and then transported over a long distance in order to reach us. I believe that world trade provides countries with a great many advantages.

Many advantages of trade across borders. Firstly, some developed countries are exporting their production to developing countries with different products that can not be produced by itself. While, they can meet the need of its citizens for products from outside of their country. Secondly, world trade helps decrease the unemployment rate in the exporting countries. Such as, since they have to increase their product quantities, many factories and companies employ larger numbers of workers in different sectors. Thirdly, this type of trade boosts the economy of many nations. For example, a prolific increase in trade peaks inflation rates can lead to a rise in currency value. In addition, as international market can facilitate citizens to get their needs without having to spend a lot of time and much money.

On the other hand, there are also demerit effect because of international market. Firstly, the decline in sales of local product. It means, a great deal of local merchants will suffer losses and even bankrupty if many comodities is importing into country. Thus local production have to compete with imported product. As a result to overcome these problems, local traders must provide new innovations to their products in order to compete with other countries.

All in all, since international commerse is increasing, many comodities imported from different country. therefore, I believe that the advantages of global trade outweigh the disadvantages. While, I would recommend that the government should create several rules with regards to the international market so as that local companies can fully take advantage of these positive developments.
Masfufah   
Apr 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Children in some kinds of paid work - this is one of the controversial issues. IELTS WRITING TASK 2 [3]

One of debatable issues that some nations face is getting involvedchildren in some kinds of paid work .
... which I believe THAT this can increase their work skills.

Since children are engaged in the paid workTRY TO PARAPHRASE, DO NOT USE SAME SENTENCES, people believe it is really unfair for them. The possible reason is that children have no many timesTIME to explore their imaginations which are ... PLEASE GIVE EXAMPLE

main Idea
supporting Idea/explanation
example
result
conclution

these pattern above can be used for creating good body paragraph

Masfufah   
Apr 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Child labour. In this modern era, several children works to earn money. [3]

In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experience. Discuss both opinions and give your opinion.

Child labour is a term for employing minors with a small salary or consideration for their personality development, safety, health, and future prospect. In this modern era, several children works to earn money. While some argue that this has a negative impact for children future, others believe there are positive impact as work experience is very crucial for them. I personally assume that children involvement in work have dire consequences.

Many people hold the opinion that child labor causes only bad things. Children should not do work for earning money because they should only concentrate on their study instead of work. Childhood is only time when they can enjoy anything with their parents or friends instead of earning money because that time they should not need to think about responsibility of paying bills, fees and so on. In addition, children are not capable of doing all types of work in their childhood. As a result, children will fail to get proper education and other activities of a child.

However, child labour has a lot of advantages along with it. Apart from getting paid, child can gain an important experience and prepare for the work world. Young people also learn to take responsibility and organize themselves. Moreover, they think that it also plays an important role for learning and taking responsibility by them. Even though several child in developing countries work in order to help their families. For young people it becomes a necessity rather than a choice.

In conclusion, I believe that the disadvantages if paid work overweigh its advantages. Children should only concentrate on their study, while they gain an important experience by their job.
Masfufah   
Apr 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - Doing job that really love not always make people get the happiness [4]

Everyone wants to be happyHappiness is difficult to define because it means something different to each individual person .

Paragraph 2:
People's happiness is affected many factors in their life, such as family, job, relationship, faith and etc.( where is the supporting Idea/explanation) .

Paragraph 3:
People who get occupation that make them impressed produce the best (where is the supporting Idea/explanation) .

May be you should notice a pattern.......
Masfufah   
Apr 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Money is the key to happiness - it is one of the important necessities in human life [5]

Some people believe that our happiness depends on how much money we have. Others say that money cannot buy happiness. Do you think that having money is the key to happiness or are there more important factors?

Happiness is difficult to define because it means something different to each individual person. Money is one of the important necessities in human life, some people believe that money can give happiness. However, another people do not think so. I believe that money is not everything, many things influence the happiness.

All people use part of their life time to work for earning money to survive their life. They need many things in their life which need money to get them, because nothing free in the world, everything needs money. For example, firstly, people generally get more happiness spending their money on experiences. That's even though experiences are temporary like have dinner with a friend or a vacation. Secondly, we need money for education such as buying shoes, uniform and other things. Because of them, some people measure the happiness by money as measurement.

On the other hand, many people believe that happiness cannot be bought by money. One survey of 1,000 Americans, conducted in 2010, concluded that money does make us happier. For instance, many wealthy people have much money, they can buy anything which they want but they are not feel happy. This is because they are busy with their work, have little time and attention for their family especially those of their son. Many of them lost control because it is not controlled by their parents. As a result, they assume that the most important for happiness is not about money, but many sides, such as attention from their family, time, educated children, and others.

In conclusion, happiness does not depend on money, many things determine. Money is needed in our life, but it is not determiner of happiness.
Masfufah   
Apr 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / The internet makes our live completely different - IELTS TASK 2 [4]

Hi miss... let's correct your sentence...
my suggestion:

In the past(COMMA) people can connected across the globeIN WHOLE WORLD only by mail, (...) using phone and know we can do it by the internet NOW .

As a resultno need to put as a result in introduction people can keep contact more intense to others although they are separated by distance.

WRITE YOUR OPINION AGREE OR DISAGREE
Masfufah   
Apr 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some people believe due to internet connection, they can do everything fast and easily. [3]

The Internet is probably the most significant invention of the last 30 years. Without it, our lives would be completely different.
To what extent do you agree or disagree!


During the last thirty years there had been many important technological inventions. Interne becomes the most essential innovation. Many people almost use internet in the daily activity to communicate with each other. Some people in the world believe due internet connection, they can do everything fast and easily. Without it they will their life is flat but some harmful for human. However, others believe that internet will change their habits. I argue that the internet has effects for human life.

With regard to internet, it becomes essential innovation which helps human activity to do something more easily. Many people get more benefits since the internet can be accessed quickly. Inhabitants do not need to wait for long time to get update news. For example, firstly, most of people sent a massage by email which is one of the best features of internet. Send message by email more flexible and faster than send letter by post office. Secondly, the internet is helping corporate employees to promote the production company to the general public. Thirdly, the internet have advantages in terms of communication as we can connect with people who live far away without having been directly to their home. As a result, the internet is one of the outputs of the technology that has great benefits to human life today.

However, some people thinks that the Internet has several drawbacks. Firstly, the internet as media criminality exactly. Some cases associated with the internet such as fraud, hackers, pornography and falsification of data a person. Secondly, sometimes the Internet is difficult to obtain because not all areas can be reached with the Internet network. Thirdly, the internet can make a person addicted and making individualism because they prefer to communicate with friends in the virtual world compared to interact directly. As a result, Internet has an negative impact on the society if not used properly and people should be aware how to use internet with good ethic.

In conclusion, the internet is crucial for human life by using in their daily activities. While the internet can be detrimental to people in some ways.
Masfufah   
Apr 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / The internet has become a need people, do you agree? [7]

The internet (S noun) areIS usefull for people's lives. The inventing(THIS SENTENCE MAKE CONFUSE ) of the internet make people change in their life. Although many argue that internet do not give effect in people's lives in the outskirt (MAKE CLEAR "EFFECT" WHAT IS EFFECT?) , I strongly believe that the internet make people be better.alternative sentence: I believe that the internet is crucial for human's live. It has become the best source to get knowledge about any aspect.
Masfufah   
Apr 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / There are several benefits for older people to live permanently in one place [2]

In the past, people usually stayed in one place throughout their life. These days, people often move around. They often live in several different places in their lifetime.

What are the advantage and disadvantage of both?


The majority of people want to live in a convenient. To some extent, some people were keen on staying in one place where they have grown up like in hometown, but human migration is often seen today . As a result, people lifestyle has changed. While I believe that there are benefits and drawbacks of leaving places of memory and traditions in the their prior places and moving in new place.

There are several benefits why old people to live permanently in one place. Firstly, they have an orientiation to develop thier own spot placetogether with local community. For example, traditional activities, like farming. Normally farmers had their field or farm near their abode. So they could work closed with their family. Secondly, everyone knew everyone else and, in the hometown they were born, people often connected and helped other each, therefor no one ever felt lonely. Also, there was little crime in a small community. However, there are a number of demerit. Children did not get a good education because the nearest school was often in the next a town some miles away.

On the other hand, in this present day most people often shift around in several disparate places in their life. Inhabitants as a worker realized that moving around from a place to another places with their occupation is a good way to increase their vacancy such as in search of job opportunities. For instance, many people leave their region to others which aim to obtain more knowledge. As a result indirectly some people got chance to work or got family where they are living. Finally, they found a new life that got the better live. However, it has drawback in family relationship aspect. They will leave their family for a long time since they have a job far away. Absolutely there were sadness because the part of family member would be rare to meet for long time.

In conclusion, I believe that many advantages and disadvantages of people stay where they are hometown and moving in the other place. Because, a great of people are looking for comfortable place.
Masfufah   
Apr 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / To build spectacular properties or education and health centers? IELTS WRITING TASK 2 [2]

At the present, many personspeoplecontendmaintain that spectacular properties are crucial for a town. Butwhile , the others trust that the money must be used to the advancement of education and healthpublic servicetry to paraphrase the word . Even though this it could make the city become looked more advanced...

To sum up, although some citizens assume that establish impressing buildingsextraordinary buildings are vital for their city, (...) to demonstrate that thisit is not enough if just do that. Hence, it must be balanced withbybuildbuilding many schools and hospitalspublic facilities .
Masfufah   
Mar 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / How crucial are public services compared to the large, impressive buildings in a city? [NEW]

Hello, please help me to correct my essay.

Some people think that large, impressive buildings are important for a city. Others believe that the money should be spent on improving schools and hospitals.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


The huge building is one of the icons of a city. Some people in the whole world thought that a town should have a great building to attract tourists and others believe that the government should be spent more money on public services. However, I personally argue that public services still need more attention from the government.

On one hand, a big and spectacular building is the vital aspect for a urban because this gives some benefits.

Firstly, a building can serve as the home of many companies and businesses of both local and national importance. Secondly, a great building can be easily to attract the tourist to come and visit to the city. The more visitors the more funded for government. As well, Burj Khalifa is one of the city's tallest buildings and most famous sights, drawing millions of tourists every year who flock to visit its spectacular observation deck.

On the other hand, a city should improve public services such as school and hospitals. Schools help educate our children whereas hospitals keep the population healthy. It is crucial that the government spends a significant amount of its budget on public service because that is determine the quality of life that most of us will have. For instance, the great school can attract people to continue the education, and government improves the health aspect in a city, the societies will life prosperous without suffering health problems. It is thus clear that ensuring a large proportion of government money is spent on public service is extremely vital.

In conclusion, although a spectacular building give some merit for town to attract visitors, while the government should be spent more cost on public service. I believe that public service should be given first consideration as they provide indispensable services.
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