Writing Feedback / Arts-based subjects should be considered in the curriculum to enhance their academic performance [2]

Q: Some educationists argue that non-exam, arts-based subjects such as music, drama, art, and craft should be compulsory in the secondary-school curriculum. They believe that activities such as these can improve overall academic performance.

Secondary-school is the crucial stage amidst all educational phases. On account of this, some educationalists argue that non-exam, arts-based subjects included music, drama, art and craft should be considered in the curriculum to enhance their academic performance. Personally, I firmly agree with this statement thanks to pupils' brain-balancing and their broaden horizon.

Arts-besed classes are be able to improve overall academic rate for the students. This is because these core competences is not as difficult as the exam-based subjects like math, english, and so on. This statement is parallel with the contemporary study conducted by the University of Queensland in 2015. They found that 87% school that applying this methode could obtain their grade by students achievement in the national olympiad nearly twofold than the preciding year. Thus clear that, such arts subjects can lead the overall rank become better.

In addition, arts disciplines will useful for the pupils to balance their right-and-left-side brian. As such, all kind of arts is the job for the right hemisfer while the other logic-subjects is the left-brain's task. What is more, these kind of competences will expand their knowledge. The more insight that are given to the students, the wider opportunity they will broaden their horizon.

The aforementioned evidence shows that there are a large number of merits are be able attained by the secondary-school students by studying arts disciplines including to increase academic grade, balancing brain's performnce, and obtaining a wider knowladge. On account of this, I highly likely suggest to the related stakeholder to consider it as a compulsory subject in secondary-school curriculum.

Writing Feedback / Living alone decision. It may be positive for more savings or just bring depression and loneliness. [4]

TASK 2
In recent times, many people are making the decision to live alone.
What are the causes of this?
Does it have positive or negatives effects on society?

Undoubtedly, enjoyable life span is the immense desire for every dweller, and those individuals have their own method to pursue it. For some, the best technique is to live alone without any relations. This decision can cause by their personality and their career. Moreover, it will bring positive impact like more savings and the demerit such as depression.

There are, at least, two major reason why people choose to being alone until the rest of their life. First and foremost, it is their life perspective. When they have an introvert personality, they will tend to avoid a social interaction and prefer to live without life companion. Secondly, a career path will cause a lonelyness option to some folk as well. A labour who has a high mobility in job will be distrupted if they have an obligation to be along with their family. Ultimately, people will vote to be unmaried and thrilled their choice.

Furthermore, both merit and drawback will be rendered by this choice. It will cause someone's saving increase. As such they only have to spend money for their own personal needed, not for children, more furnitures, and so on. Otherwise, the outrageous effect will obtain a deep depression. This is because, phychologically, individuals as a homo sapiens need other people to support each others.

To sum up, personal character and job matter can be a predominant factors leading a decision to live alone. Beside it can jump dwellers' savings, these action can fall them into the depression valley. Where possible, I highly likely recommend to the inhabitants to make a balance life even they choose to be a single one.

Writing Feedback / A comparison of electricity generation units by source in Germany in 1980 and 2010 [2]

TASK 1.
Electricity generation by source in Germany .

A comparison of electricity generation units by source in Germany in 1980 and 2010 is highlighted in the pie chart. Overall, a significant alteration ocurred in power plants utilisation during the span, while its total rose dramatically as well.

Nuclear and natural gas were the most detected-change amidst the other electricity generations. Stood at only 20 units nuclear in 1980 and reached 155 in the last year. While the natural gas dropped by fourteenfold from 28 units.

Subsequently, there were the modest variation happened to the three electricity generation sources. Petrolium and hydro generation used 22 and 7 units respectively in 1980. This rate rose by 5 units in petroleum, and hydro plant usage felt from 7 to 2 units. Meanwhile, the number for coal remained stable at 28 units. Astonoshingly, the figures for those power plant increased doubled over the period; started 107 units in 1980 became 214 units in the last observation year.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: England tourists who visit Bringhton attraction [2]

The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton

A breakdown of the England visitors percentage who visited Brighton attractions between 1980 and 2010 as a projected year, a 3-decade period, is highlighted in the line graph. Overall, all of the figures fluctuated markedly over the span, unless for festival. In any case, two attractions rose in their guests while the others saw the reverse.

Pavilion and pier were the attractions accuring an increse rate in Briton during the period. In 1980, pavilion stood its rate at a quarter, while pier was the lowest rank with just one in ten. In the next 15 years, pavilon's visitors reached a peak at 48% and suddenly decreased to 30%. Otherwise, peir steadily incresed to 22% as its peak over the span.

The last two figures which experienced decline proportion were festival and art gallery. These number tood at 30% and just over a fifth respectively. While the festival only dropped in a slightly decrease by nearly 2%, art galery witnessed the reverse by 14% reduction.

Writing Feedback / EILTS Task 2: Pupils' Concentrating Hurdle in The Class [NEW]

These days, many children have difficulty paying attention and concentrating in their classes at school.
What are the reasons for this?
How can it be dealt with?

To attain the best achievement in the school becomes a must to the pupils in this literate age. Yet, a large number of student cannot consentrate well in the class and they have a big effort to pay attention to their subjects in the school. This condition can be caused by inadequate breakfast and accecive activities beyond the school. To tackle this issue, fully support from parents is sorely useful like controlling their kids' consumption and routinity.

There are at least two predominant factors renders the decline of children's consentration in the school. First of all, insufficient nutritious diet from their breakfast. As such, the beginning meal will be used by their body system to produce more brain oxigen which is the main essence obtaining good consentration. They will focus easily if this substance is fulfilled. Secondly, the axaggerate routine like attending an extra-study or courses do by such children can interrupt their attention as well. This is because it will make them exhausted and cannot perform the best effort for their compulsory study.

Parents, especially mother, can do many atempts to address this predicament. Initially, preparing a healthy suicines is the best choise to supply their nutrient facing the lesson. Doing this will help children's sufficiency fulfilled. Moreover, parents can help managing kids' time such as decrease their extra-lesson outside the school. By this, they will focus on their subject without interference.

To sum up, lack of attention and concentraring at school can be caused by insufficient diet and the exeggarate work. But, parents can prepare appropriate meal and managing their routinity to overcome this hurdle.

Writing Feedback / Writing IELTS 1: Cinema attendance pattern which occured amidst the four of age groups in the UK [3]

Q: The line graph below gives information on cinema attendance in the UK.

A breakdown of the percentage of cinema attendance in four age group in the Britain between 1990 and 2010, a 20-year period, is highlighted in the line graph. Overall, all of those classifications witnessed an upward trend. In any case, people aged 44-54 dominated above the other groups.

In the first ten-year period, there was no significant changes among all age groups although they rose slightly at 1995. Stood at 15% for the youngest group, and a quarter for people aged 24-34. Inhabitants aged 34-44 and the oldest one stood at approximately 35%. Although 44-54 age group remained stabil, adults aged 34-44 saw a reverse. It was dropped gradually by nearly just under one in twenty.

Moreover, in the next span, similar pattern occured amidst the all groups. All of the rate were increased dramatically from 2000 to 2005 by approximately 5%. Followed by the steady rose until all of them peaked around 5-8% from their first figure.

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Writing Feedback / The best alernative to prevent crime - 'apply a stringent penalties' [2]

Q: Many people are too scared to leave their home because of a fear of crime.
Some people think that more should be done to prevent crime, whereas others feel that nothing can be done.
What are your views?

As time goes by, criminal is getting familiar the public's ears which are served like our daily meals. It sometimes leads an exaggereted manner amidst the society like many inhabitants are too scare to go out thanks to a fear of crime. Regarding to this, a host of people argue that more should be done to prevent crime such as strict convictions and getting close with school. Otherwise, the rest says that nothing can be done with. Personally, I firmly agree to the first argument owing to individuals self-awareness.

The crime has been endemic in mostly parts of community's life, so that no option anymore to tackle this kind of wickedness. For instance, reseach conducted by the students from criminology departement of Bond University prove that, while the Belgium authority, as a highest holder of the power, had altered their constitution for three times in the last decade, there was no significant changes in their crime rate, just around in 56-62 per cent. It proves that we cannot do anything to deal with such criminal issues.

In another side, the opponents believe there are at least two methods we can do for the prevention. Firstly, the official stakeholder can make a strict sentence to the offenders. This is will cause those defendants think twice before carry out the certain crime. Secondly, police officers have to be close contact with schools, involved with education and prevention. They should focus on young people who have dropped out of school because they have a great chance to involve with gangs.

To sum up, while there is a country cannot do anything to decline their crime rate, we can apply a stringent penalties and down-to-earth with education matters. Furthermore, I highly likely recommend to the dwellers to increase their sefl-cognition in the crime prevention issue.

Writing Feedback / There are two main ways to produce fish pie. In any case, human intervention is still necessary. [2]

Q:The diagrams give information about the manufacture of frozen fish pies.

how is it made? frozen fish pie

An illustration of fish pie production line is discribed in the diagram. Overall, there are two main ways to produce fish pie. In any case, human intervention still needed while the majority of this stages are dominated by machine-work.

Before the raw materials is processed into half-finished product, the process is distinguished into two major parts. The first method is potatoes shipment. It is started by the arrival of the potatoes up to one month trip. Those potatoes then will be cleaned and peeled after the disposal of the waste in the former. Followed by slice-process, the potatoes ready to be boiled and be chilled before it will be stored before such potatoes entering the next step.

Turning to the second section, the fresh salmon delivery, it is only take 12 hours or less. The pieces of salmon will be spiked by lemon juice and salt before it is steam in oven. After that, the waste like fish's skin and bones are removed by some workers while an inspector controls them. The semifinished fish pie are mixed with prepared peas, sauce and potato. All of them will be wrapped together before it is frozen. Such frozen fish pie are ready to be dispatched.

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Writing Feedback / Forbid smoking in public spots to be able to breathe clean, fresh air. [2]

Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Smoking in public area is an on going and pervasive hurdle in our society, and it leads an argument that smoking must be banned in the public space. Regarding to this issue, I firmly agree with the prohibition idea owing to unhealthy environment and contributing in air pollution.

There is no doubt that every person has a right to do some activities which can support their life included smoking. This is because for some people, smoking can be their best booster. This statement parallel with the contemporary survey conducted by BBC News found that 87% smoker in the United Kingdom do smoking because they want to get rid of their bad mood, while the rest say owing to their habit.

However, it does not mean that we can let the smoker to smoke whereever they want. People who smoke in public location will damage not only their own health but to the passive smoker around them as well. As such the cigarette smoke which content of numerous damaging substance can spread along and the accumulating will result lung cancer. Furthermore, smoking in the public place can make the air pollution increase dramatically. Thus, it is clear that smoke in the public area will cause such harmful effects.

The aforementioned evidence shows while this issue leads some dangers to both active and passive smokers, and also be one of the predominant factor causes air pollution. I would argue that a legal punishment from the government also play a tremendous role. It is imperative that if there is no clear restrictive obligation to active smokers, those bad effects will get worse.