Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: People think that the news media has influenced people's lives nowadays... [4]

Hi, guys! Please give me all your suggestions as my target is band 7!!! Thank you !!!!!!

ESSAY: People think that the news media has influenced people's lives nowadays and it is a negative development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The issue of whether the news media exerts an adverse impact on the developments of both individuals and the entire society has sparked off an intense debate among the public. Some people claim that the prevalence and popularity of the news media gets rise to a series of disturbing problem and objectionable weaknesses. Personally, I agree with this opinion.

To begin with, the news media is detrimental to the unity and harmony of the entire society. It is simply because a great amount of violence and crimes described and popularized by the news media would give people an implication that they are surrounded by a vast number of potential criminals.Under such circumstances, those law-abiding and peace-loving people would largely generate anxiety and apprehension, which would bring about the estrangement between individuals.As a result, the impersonal and indifferent atmosphere will be spread and disseminated to the every corner of the society.

Additionally, the soaring rate of juvenile delinquency should be blamed for the news media. Unarguably, due to the nature of teenagers, those who lack self-control and the awareness of distinguishing right from wrong, are highly likely to imitate violent and ferocious behaviors that are portrayed and conveyed by the news media in details. Thereby, they would gradually become hostile and aggressive and are prone to vent their wrath on other people with those anti-social behaviors. Consequently, they will get involved into violent crimes and their futures will fall prey to it.

Admittedly, the major and primary purpose of a considerable number of journalists who describe and publicize the detailed violence and crimes is, more often than not, to grab the attentions of people and to boost the newspaper circulation as well as TV-rating. However, it is undeniable that the security and stability of the entire society is grievously endangered by the excessive violent contents that are proliferated by the news media.

To conclude, I concede that individuals, to some extent, can benefit from the news media. Nevertheless, I am still convinced that the disadvantages of the news media outweigh its advantages. Therefore, an array of measures and regulations should be taken into consideration and implemented by the government to curb this phenomenon.

Writing Feedback / In my way of thinking, children attending to private schools is reasonable idea. IELTS 2 [4]

IELTS TASK 2: Some people think that students benefit greatly from going to private secondary...

Hi, i am little confused with the structure of "discuss", hope you can give me some suggestions as my target is band 7!!!

ESSAY: Nowadays, an increasingly number of parents incline to send their children to private schools, which has sparked off an intense debate among the public.Some people claim that students would become the major beneficiaries from this behavior, while others argue that this phenomenon exerts an adverse impact on the development of the children and the entire society. In this essay, I aim at discussing both views and giving my own opinion.

On the one hand, enabling children to accept education from private schools contributes to improving academic performances of students. It is simply because private schools invariably possess well-developed facilities and experienced teachers which not only can impart children with professional and abundant knowledge and skills but also can provide them with a comfortable and efficient learning environment, which is conductive for students to commit themselves to explore and achieve their potentials and to elevate their academic scores.

On the other hand, sending children to private schools poses a grave threat to their mental improvement. Unarguably, the majority of students who go to private schools are from comparatively wealthy families. Under such circumstance, those students are highly like to compare with their peers to satisfy their vanity and to achieve a sense of fulfillment by buying luxurious merchandise such as famous brand. As a result, the materialistic and ostentatious atmosphere will be saturated with the entire school, which would grievously affect academic performance of students and their correct values towards wealth and money.

Admittedly, sending children to private school would largely render parents to undertake a heavy financial burden as the tuition of private schools is rather high and expensive,which is detrimental to elevating the living quality and standard of those families. However, students who attend private schools are in a position to participate in an array of extra-curricular activities which are encouraged and organized by private schools. This can effectively stimulate their interests and curiosities towards different fields and develop their versatile capabilities and skills such as communication and cooperation skills, which would lay a solid foundation for their career developments.

Therefore, in my way of thinking, children attending to private schools is reasonable and feasible.

Writing Feedback / Eight stages process of consumer goods manufacturing. [2]

Give me some suggestions!!!I think there are many mistakes in my task 1.Thank you !!!

The diagram below shows the typical stages of consumer goods manufacturing, including the process by which information is fed back to earlier stages to enable adjustment.

Write a report for a university lecturer describing the process shown.

The process of consumer goods manufacturing

ESSAY：
The flow diagram gives the information regarding the procedure of manufacturing process and the feedback of consumer goods.
The manufacturing process is mainly divided into eight stages. To begin with, raw materials and manufactured components are stored in warehouses, the amount of which is determined by the production planning. Noticeably, production designers will give the product design to the production planning based on the result of product research. Then, the product will be produced and inspected in the assembly line. After that, the product is required to be tested the quality and to be packaged. Finally, it will be dispatched and delivered to markets to be sold.

When it comes to the flow of production feedback, we can see immediately that the staff of market research will adjust the package and advertisements of the product based on its sales. Also, the design of products is determined by the market research. More importantly, the condition of product sales will influence the production planning which gives the feedback to the storage of raw materials.

To conclude, it is clear that the sales of consumer products are the major and crucial factors in the production of consumer goods, which decide significant and essential steps of the manufacturing process.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Some people think that teachers should be responsible for teaching students... [7]

Hi, guys, please give me all your suggestions cuz my target is 7! I would appreciate!!!!!

ESSAY: Some people think that teachers should be responsible for teaching students to judge right and wrong and to behave well. Some say that teachers should only teach students about academic subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The issue of whether teachers should undertake the responsibility of teaching students to distinguish right from wrong has sparked off an intense debate among the public.Some people claim that teachers should give priority to impart students with academic and professional knowledge and skills, while others argue that this action contributes to enabling students to become law-abiding and productive individuals who can make a contribution to the society.Personally, I agree with the latter opinion.

To begin with, teachers play positive and essential roles in the realm of telling students right and wrong.It is simply because teachers are in a position to promptly and immediately point out and correct misbehavior and mischief of students which are discovered and detected in the process of teaching and guiding. As a result, students can effectively establish and elevate their awareness of right and wrong by means of realizing and correcting their mistakes and weaknesses.Additionally, it is undeniable that a considerable number of parents are immersed in their works that they have a little amount of time to accompany and educate their children.Under such circumstance, teachers who are acknowledged as the most significant and indispensable people of educations of children, other than parents, should resume the responsibility and accountability of teaching children to differentiate right from wrong, which is conductive to preventing students from getting involved into any anti-social behaviors and helping them to erect correct and righteous code of conduct.

Admittedly, teachers should fulfill academic function that imparting students with comprehensive and specialized knowledge and practical techniques, which can efficiently and largely improve their academic performances and lay a solid foundation of their career developments.However, those well-educated individuals who lack the criterion of right and wrong would pose grave threats to the stability and security of the entire society as they are highly likely to make full use of their knowledge and skills to commit crimes.

To conclude, I concede that the crucial and prior task and mission of teachers is to teach students a variety of transferable and useful skills and knowledge to explore and achieve potentials of students. Nevertheless, I am still convinced that the public and the entire society can become the major beneficiaries from teachers attaching a heavier weight on telling students right and wrong.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1:The diagrams below show the various kinds of water found on the earth... [3]

ESSAY: The diagrams below show the various kinds of water found on the earth and how it is used in three different countries.Write a report for a university lecture the information shown below.

The pie charts give the detailed information regarding to the 3 different kinds of water resources and the bar diagram compares the water consumption in 3 independent countries.

As is illustrated from two pie charts, we can see immediately that the majority of water existing on the earth are salt water while, there is only a minimal proportion of earth water is fresh water which is suitable for people to drink. Additionally, the largest proportion of water are out of ice, accounting for almost 75%, followed by underground water(about 30%). The surface of earth can merely be found the least percentage of water(10%).

Moving onto the next diagram, through the comparison of figures of 3 respective countries, Egypt consumes the largest percentage of water on industry, amounting to approximately 85%, that also exceeds the figures of Saudi and Canada which are nearly 40% and 18% respectively. In addition, Saudi applied water mainly into domestic use which makes up 72%, while the data of Egypt and Canada are less than 10%. Finally, in terms of agricultural use, compared with Egypt(20%) and Saudi( only 10%), Canada allocated totally 70% to irrigate arable lands.

To conclude, the resource of fresh water is very limited and the major purposes of water utilization in three countries varies a lot, Egypt is for industry use, Saudi for domestic use and Canada for agriculture.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Throughout the history, male leaders often made the society more violent... [4]

Please give me a score and all your suggestions! I wanna get band 7! so your suggestions will be very useful for me!!!!!

ESSAY:Throughout the history, male leaders often made the society more violent and conflicting. If women governed the world, the world would be more peaceful. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In contemporary world, male leaders play dominant roles in the national regime which has sparked off an intense concern among the public. Some people claim that men are generally characterized by violence and tough that poses a pernicious threat to the global peace and harmony.Personally, I disagree with this opinion.

To begin with, leaders who give priority to the economic development and prosperity invariably, regardless of gender, would seek for economic collaboration and exchange with other countries, rather than wars and conflict. It is simply because carrying dangerous and violent plans would not only gravely affect the productive and effective structure of economy but also render countries to be isolated and discriminated by other nations in the global community. Considering those serious consequences, not a single leader would be willing to undermine the peaceful and harmonious atmosphere of the world.

Additionally, due to the proliferation and popularity of democratic ideology, dictatorship are no longer advocated and encouraged by the public and nations. Nowadays, the power of national leaders are, more often than not, restricted by the constitution and the political system. Under such circumstance, those brutal and ferocious behaviors of leaders would be immediately and promptly denied and opposed by his/her counterparts and the public. Therefore, the gender of leaders should not be blamed for the wars and conflicts occurred in the world village.

Admittedly, a vast number of people are afflicted with a series of physical and psychological disturbances which are caused by those merciless and violent actions. However, with humanitarian relief and the coordination of some global organizations such as the United Union, such circumstance is an isolated issue. Thus, it should not be overstated.

To conclude, I concede that the nature of female enables individuals to consider that female leaders are more suitable than males in the realm of promoting world peace and stability. Nevertheless, I am still convinced that the gender of leaders are by no means the determined and crucial factors of starting wars and deteriorating the global peace.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: What are the benefits of requiring young people to serve the army? ... [4]

I'm trying to make my sentences flow smoothly, so give me a score and all your suggestions! my target is 7!! I would appreciate a lot!

ESSAY: What are the benefits of requiring young people to serve the army? Does participation in community work qualify as an alternative?

Nowadays, there are an increasing number of countries require young adults to be trained in the army for at least one year, which has sparked off an intense debate among people. Some people claim that working in communities can replace serving the army.Personally, I disagree with this opinion.

To begin with, this action exerts a positive impact on strengthening and improving the national defense system. Unarguably, every country in the global community is gravely threatened by a series of destabilizing factors such as terrorism, arms proliferation and so forth. Recruiting young individuals into the army can enable them to master the professional and systematic skills of armaments, which is conductive for countries to effectively and sufficiently prepare for those possible crisis and threats.

In addition, this measure contributes to career developments of young individuals. It is simply because that simple and poor living conditions of the army can efficiently shape the characters of those who have already been accustomed with comfortable and cozy lifestyle and make them to become much tougher. Consequently, they are more likely to overcome various hindrances in their careers and to achieve their career successes than ordinary people

Admittedly, young adults not only can gain a variety of practical and transferable skills but also can develop their communication techniques and cooperation abilities by means of undertaking community works. However, all the capabilities and knowledge which are acquired from the army cannot be obtained from community works. Thus, community works cannot serve as an alternative.

To conclude, I concede that participating in community work possesses numerous unparalleled and compelling advantages.Nevertheless, I am still convinced that young adults and the entire society can become the major beneficiaries from this measure.

Writing Feedback / In some places in the world, young people are not only richer but also safer... Ielts [3]

Hi, guys, I am here again, please give me a score and all your suggestions after you read my essay! My target is band 7 and i'm working on it!

ESSAY: In some countries, young people are not only richer but also safer and healthier than ever before.However, they are less happy. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest??

Nowadays, young generation are less happier than before, which has sparked off an intense concern among the public. In this essay, I aim at finding out the causes of this disturbing phenomenon and providing an array of reasonable and feasible solutions.

To begin with, the fierce competition in modern society is accountable for this situation. It is undeniable that a vast amount of leisure time of children is deprived by a variety of professional curriculum which impart children a host of practical knowledge and skills, with a view to improving the academic performances of children and enabling them to become more competitive than other candidates in their futures. Unquestionably, imposing such enormous burden on students would cause a series of chronically psychological disturbances such as anxiety, apprehension and insomnia.Therefore, it is no wonder that children are not happier than before. In addition, numerous parents cannot strike the balance between family and work. There is, more often than not, only a minimal amount of time is allocated to accompany with their children. Under such circumstance, children would feel alone and being isolated from their parents. As a result, without frequent face-to face conversations and emotional communication, children will become less happy than before.

Being confronted with these problems, some measures and actions should be taken into consideration.First and foremost, recreational activities like music and sports should be encouraged by both schools and parents. It is simply these kinds of activities are acknowledged as an effective way of releasing stresses of children. Besides, participating in such activities can efficiently develop the cooperation and communication skills of children which is beneficial to elevate the emotion quotient of children and making children to get accustomed to the society quickly when they grow up. Additionally, parents should spend more time in staying with their children, which not only can efficiently strengthen the bond of family but can develop the harmony of the entire family as well.

Therefore, it is reasonable to conclude that as long as those measures that I mentioned above can be sufficiently implemented, this disconcerting situation will be ameliorated and eventually tackled.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK2:Some people think personal happiness is directly related to economic success... [3]

Please give me a score and all your suggestions after you read my essay !!!!!!! I wanna get band 7!!!! I would appreciate !!!!!!

ESSAY: Some people think personal happiness is directly related to economic success, while others believe this depends on other factors. Discuss.

The issue of whether an enormous fortune serves as a crucial factor and prerequisite of personal happiness has sparked off an intense debate.Some people claim that happiness is directly linked to wealth and fortune, while others argue that other factors should be taken into consideration as well. In this essay, I am aim at discussing both opinions and giving my own perspective.

On the one hand, earning a vast amount of money gives individuals a sense of fulfillment. It is simply because nowadays, people become increasingly money-worshiping, especially in the material world. They tend to compare with others by buying luxurious products such as luxury cars to satisfy their vanity. It is out of question that possessing a large fortune is acknowledged as a critical criterion in the realm of assessing personal happiness and the development of career.In addition, it is undeniable that being successful in making money can enable individuals to enjoy a comfortable and convenient life. One example will suffice to illustrate this view.The rich are in a position to have a vacation in summer resorts with their families. The living qualities and standards of the wealthy, unquestionably, are largely developed and elevated.

On the other hand, other factors also contribute to improving happiness of individuals. To begin with, people who are satisfied with their jobs tend to feel happy, even though their salaries are moderate. This kind of happiness derives from the passion of their jobs and the awareness of the value of their works. Additionally, people who have relatively high emotion-quotient incline to be happy. Unarguably, individuals who are proficient at handling personal relationship and strengthening the bond of their families always feel happy. However, their happiness cannot be purchased by money.

To conclude, I concede that a good fortune is of vital significance in terms of guaranteeing personal happiness.Nevertheless, I am still convinced that other factors are also required to be taken into account such as positive attitudes towards life because they are priceless and indispensable in daily life.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK2:The only way to improve road safety is to impose severe punishment for driving offences. [3]

Please give me a score after you read my essay and tell me all your suggestions! thank you! I would appreciate!!!!!

essay: The only way to improve road safety is to impose severe punishment for driving offences. Do you agree or disagree?

Recently, the phenomenon of the soaring rate of traffic accidents has sparked off an intense concern among the public. Some people claim that imposing harsh punishments on those committing driving crimes is the most essential and efficient way to alleviate this disturbing problem. Personally, I disagree with this opinion.

To begin with, posting traffic wardens to busy intersections contributes to improving road safety. It is undeniable that a considerable number of traffic accidents occur as drivers start to take chances when there is not a policeman around. Therefore, if there is adequate traffic guardians can effectively regulate the flow of traffic, then the occurrence of vehicle collisions would be dramatically reduced.

In addition, traffic facilities should be developed and well-maintained by governments. Unarguably, in some developing countries, traffic infrastructures such as traffic lights, footpath and so forth are so under-developed and simple that it is easier to cause severe traffic accidents on overcrowded roads. Thus, enhancing the construction and maintenance of traffic facilities would largely reduce the rate of vehicle collisions. Besides, governments should elevate individuals' awareness of the importance and seriousness of safe driving by launching relevant community activities and non-commercial advertisements to convey and disseminate the knowledge about traffic rules and regulations, which enables individuals to become more cautious and dedicated while they are driving.

Admittedly, severe punishments and stringent regulations have a deterring effect in the realm of people committing driving offenses. However, this measure can just scratch the surface of the problem. Only can well-designed transport facilities and individuals' elevated consciousness of safe driving be acknowledged as the ultimate and fundamental measures to improve the road safety.

To conclude, I concede that harsh punishments, to some extent, exert a positive impact on improving road safety.Nevertheless, I am still convinced that other actions should be taken into account to achieve the harmony and safety of roads.

Writing Feedback / Some people think that men and women have different qualities... [3]

ESSAY: Some people think that men and women have different qualities.Therefore some certain jobs are suitable for men and some jobs are suitable for women.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The issue of whether the employers of some certain jobs should give priority to one specific gender has sparked off an intense debate.Some claim that due to the natural difference between men and women, this act is reasonable and justifiable, while others claim that this action exerts a negative impact on eradicating gender discrimination and elevating the social status of the female.Personally, I agree with the latter opinion.

To begin with, taking both genders into consideration instead of one specific gender while employing new staff members can better utilize human resources.It is undeniable that in the contemporary world, a considerable number of women not only possess professional and practical techniques but more effective communication skills and strong problem-solving abilities than their male counterparts. If these female elites can be given adequate and appropriate opportunities to performing their abilities, unquestionably, they would outperform the male and make a larger contribution to the company or the country than men, which can efficiently boost the development of the company and indirectly enhance the improvement of social economy.In addition, an increasing number of female are introduced into the fields which are considered as men-fields nowadays.One example will suffice to illustrate this view.Soldier, which is used to be dominated by male, recruits more women than before. It is simply because women are more skillful at operating and utilizing those sophisticated and highly-automated arms than men due to their psychological soundness and mental ability.Therefore, taking male and female in every job is viable and feasible.

Admittedly, men and women are born with different attributes, which enable them to be capable of performing different kinds of work which is reflected by nursing and teacher where female play a dominant role and miners, fire fighters and sailors that are more suitable for men.However, it is undeniable that some male students choose nursing as their major and become nurses after they graduate.

To conclude, I concede that gender balance in every occupation, under some circumstances, would backfire.Nevertheless, I am still convinced that the advantages of employing without gender preference outweigh the disadvantages, thus, this attempt is worthy to be encouraged and advocated.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: It is commonly believed that education is of vital importance... [4]

Essay: It is generally believed that education is of vital importance to individual development and the well-being of societies. What should education consist of to fulfill both these functions?

Education, which is generally acknowledged, fulfills a crucial and indispensable function in the realm of the development of the students and the entire society.The objective of this essay is to find out what education should contain to effectively achieve its purposes.

To begin with, educational institutions such as colleges and universities should establish and arrange the curriculum and subjects which can nurture students a variety of professional skills and techniques.It is undeniable that as the society becomes increasingly dynamic and turbulent, a vast number of young adults become unemployed after they graduate.If school administrators can provide students with numerous opportunities to obtain and develop practical and specialized skills which can enable them to be distinguished from other competitors and grab employers' attentions.Then, they will promptly get accustomed to the intensely competitive society and their career ladders will be efficiently progressed.

Additionally, in terms of primary and secondary school, courses which impart knowledge and information of laws and legislation should be arranged into the syllabus.Substantial children, unarguably, do not have the slightest idea of what constitutes a criminal offense due to the scarcity of relative general knowledge, which increases the possibilities of the occurrence of juvenile delinquency.One example will suffice to illustrate this view. Many teenagers are coaxed to sell drugs at disco, which they consider is a harmless part-time job.Not until they are caught by police do they realize it is illegal.Therefore, it is of significance and urgency to establish and improve the awareness of abiding laws and avoiding anti-social behaviors of youngsters for the purpose of elevating the stability and security of the society and preventing adolescents from becoming victims.

To conclude, I concede that schools should give priority to the cultivation of a host of abilities such as critical thinking and analytical capacity of students rather than mere knowledge dissemination and spread. Nevertheless, I am still convinced that being confronted with the current tendency and circumstance of the society, schools should adjust themselves accordingly with a view to catering to the need and request of the public and the society.

Writing Feedback / Discuss the causes of rising unemployment among young adults and give some solutions. [3]

Nowadays, an increasing number of students cannot find jobs after they graduate from universities, which has sparked off a great concern of the public. The objective of this essay is to find out the reasons of this phenomenon and to provide a series of suggestions.

To begin with, due to globalization and economic prosperity, some departments such as international trade, finance and accounting become increasingly popular and compelling, thereby, numerous universities and educational institutions establish and arrange relevant curriculum and subjects for the purpose of enrolling more students and securing financial survival. Unquestionably, under this circumstance, the job demand for those majors grievously falls behind the supply. As a result, a vast number of students get unemployed.

In addition, this situation, to some extent, is mainly attributed to students' lack of sufficient experiences and practical skills and techniques. Unarguably, in the light of the cost of stuff training and other factors, the majority of companies are more willing to employ those who possessing adequate working experiences and practical skills, rather than those inexperienced and youth graduates, which means a minimal number of job opportunities are left to those graduates. Consequently, the possibilities of the occurrence of the mass unemployment of school leavers will be increased.

Based on the above argument, a host of measures and actions should be taken into consideration and implemented promptly and effectively. First and foremost, governments and communities can periodically launch an array of lectures to introduce the current situation of job markets and offer some functional suggestions and guidance to parents and students, which can ensure they will make the best choice. Additionally, in terms of universities, the administrators and faculty should provide students with a considerable number of opportunities such as field work so that students are in a position to obtain and develop hands-on and employment skills and become more competitive after they graduate.

To conclude, I concede that excessive laid-off graduates exert a negative impact on social security and stability. Nevertheless, I am still convinced that as long as the measures I mentioned above are efficiently performed and achieved, this phenomenon can be perfectly alleviated and even eliminated.