Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 : Travelled Abroad, Why Travelled Abroad and Destinations Over the Same Period [2]

Topic :

The first chart below shows the results of a survey which sampled a cross section of 100,000 people asking if they travelled abroad and why they travelled abroad for the period 1994 - 98. The second chart shows their destinations over the same period

The information of the diagram divided by two types : the result of the people took a trip abroad and why they did it and their destinations in excess of the same time. The period is from 1994 until 1998. Overall, 1998 is the golden year for UK citizens who had a trip abroad and most of visitor went to Western Europe as the best choice for holiday.

As we can see from the first table, the favourite purpose to visit abroad is holiday. It alway become the best from 1994 - 1998.. With about 1,000 difference, bussiness and visits to friends and relatives get second and third position. The last place is other reason with below 1,000 and just get more than 1,000 i 1996 and 1997. Not only become the most interesting reason, but holiday also has the biggest increase from year 1994 -1998.

From the second graph as destinations of visit abroad by UK residents, the most enjoyable place to go was Western Europe by more than 18,000 travellers per year and the smalest number UK residents to visit abroad is North Americawith less than 2,000 visitors. The greatest year for UK travelers is in 1998 with total amount 28,828 citizens and the smalest number of visitors is in 1995 about less than 22,000 people.

• 
  Chart 1 : Visits Abroad by UK Residents by Purpose of Visit ( 1994 - 1998)
  
• 
  Chart 2 : Destination of Visits Abroad By UK residents by Main Region (1994-1998)
  

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2 : WORK OR TRAVEL BETWEEN FINISHING HIGH SCHOOL AND STARTING UNIVERSITY STUDIES [NEW]

Topic :
In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.

Disscuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this

Becoming teenagers are the most enthustiastic thing in our life. So many people, especially youngsters think that they should spend one year doing everything what they love, like travelling or working. I found there are three advantages and disadvantages for them who decided to do this.

Have a nice year to consume is very excited obssession. First, they can enjoy their life! They can visit new places and will meet new people with different languages and cultures. Second, because of it, they will become a new person and have new perspective about life. They have time to learn how to be a good open minded person, how to respect each others and they become more mature. Third, youth who choose to work, of course they can save their money, so they can use their own money to pay education's tuition.

But there are also three disadvantages for them. Spending one year to travel seems to long. They will become older when they enter the academy so that they will meet younger students. It's harder for them to interact with new friends who have different gap of age. Second, they need to learn again for exam. One year without studying activity made them forget many lessons that why it is more dificult for them to pass the test. Third, in the country like Indonesia, which the citizens have a lot of thing to talk about ( you can call it gossip) youngsters get more pressure from their environment and it is not easy for them. When they meet their neighbour, they will get many questions about what are they doing right now, why they did't enter college, why they are not using time briefly and it will make their parents think twice to allow their children use one year to work or visit new places.

In conclusion, although adolescents expend one year to work or take a trip make them more mature, but they need to work hard to surpass the university examination.

Writing Feedback / There are three advantages and disadvantages of being person who lives in a small village. [2]

If you ever heard your grandparents told you about how they lived in the village, you would find different habits people live in the big city. I think there are three advantages and disadvantages to being inhabitants who lived in a small village.

I convince most of benefits were social. Firstly, the citizens had more relaxed time, so they talked conveniently. When someone met others, he/she would greet them politely. So, they respected each other. Secondly, because people used to know each other, if they had a problem, they could ask for help easily without worried. Third, for public area in the village like streets, sewer, and landfill, they didn't need money to build it, they worked together as a unit to build a public needed.

Not only gain we got living in small village, there were also weakness. Firstly, becausse the villagers already knew each other, they did not hesitate to enter other people place, so they had less privacy. Secondly, having more free time did not always mean a good thing. Just because they had nothing to do, they simply gossiped other neighbours and it made the news spreaded so fast. Third, the good frequent the citizens met oftentimes made them think that they were better than other (especially other village) so they had tendency quarrelsome each others.

Writing Feedback / Most visitors who go to New Zealand like to use car as transportation, at more than sixty percent. [2]

IELTS practice

The Transportation of Tourist Used in New Zealand

Most visitors who go to New Zealand like to use car as transportation, at more than sixty percent. Car and coach become second commonest transportation are used the same amount more than thirty percent. The percentage of train is the second lowest at twenty percent. And the last transportation of tourist used to have holidays is boat at under ten percent. Well, we can see from the chart that holiday maker loved to visit New Zealand using public transportation.

Writing Feedback / SUMMARY ARTICLE : POKEMON GO! AN AUGMENTED REALITY NEED A CODE OF ETHICS NOW! [2]

Hai everyone! Weekend is coming, so I will write summary about an exciting booming game, Pokemon Go. I hope you will enjoy my summary, and if you don't mind, please give me good brief correction. Don't forget! If you wanna read the real article which the title is " Augmented Reality Game like Pokemon Go Need A Code of Ethics-Now" by Katherine Cross, you can get it from the link below.

Pokemon Go is like a bomb. It spreads easily arround the world, not only children but older people enjoy playing Pokemon Go. Although there are some reverse comment : Pokemon Go is not triumph of the normalization of violence, the apotheosis of cellphone zombification, or even gamification gone awry, Katherine thought that Pokemon Go happens in peace. But, insightful question came out about ethics in this new era of augmented reality games.

First of all is the emergence of pokestalk.Videogames, since their establishment, have expanded the physical dimensions of art. Today, augmented reality drives in a new direction, place over game matter onto the physical world, and ilustrating gameplay into it. The physical character of Pokémon Go can compress harrassment that ever happen when we play different game.

Second is the pursuit of pokequality. McClatchy Report found that villagers in the rural areas have fewer Pokémon Go locations. This is a result of crowdsourcing. An augmented Reality programs where children can explore their neighborhoods with AR cover on trees, animals, and local monuments.

Can you imagine, if a child is killed by police just because looking doubtful as he was searching for digital creature? If it happens, Niantic should stand up to prove that he did a great virtual game bussiness practice.

link : wired.com/2016/08/ethics-ar-pokemon-go/

Writing Feedback / SUMMARY ARTICLE : Trump's Ideas for Economy, Will He Make America Great Again? [2]

It's very interesting, because I wanna make summary about Donald Trump. It's from The Economist website " Trump's Plan for the Economy : Scrimping on Sense. So, I hope you can give me good advises and you can read the full article from the link I add below. Thanks!

As we know, Donald Trump is becoming a candidate from Republican Party. The newest news talked about how Trump will do about the American economic. The contributor of The Economist said that Trump's idea is dangerous dan thoughtless. Why?

His speech on August 8th was about economic strategy. He should give American citizens great explanation how he would reach economic growth. But, from his speech, he did not give a detail about it and just offered random idea which made him powerless. However, his big ideas are make a wall, decrease people who wanna live in America and make NATO supporters pay for protection.

The most unpleasant Trump's plan is how he defining trade policy. The contributor affraid that the defend he used could ruin American economy like reduce salary and get little in return.

link : economist.com/news/leaders/21704792-republican-nominees-ideas-economy-are-thoughtless-and-dangerous-scrimping-sense

Writing Feedback / Summary Article : Our Future School, The Green School [3]

Hello! It's my second day for making summary so I hope you can give me a good advise. This is the summary about TED Talks video, the real title is " My Green School Dream" by John Hardy. Just like before, I put the link below if you interested to watch full video.

John Hardy is a Canadian who has diselexia. When he was a kid he had a hard time at school. Almost everyday he cried when he came back from school. Then he gave up. He ran away. When he was 25 years old he went to Bali and met an amazingly beautiful woman, Shinta, who fullfilled his life as his wife.

For 20 years, John with his wife di a bussiness, but then, he closed his bussiness because he felt tired of it. In his free time, her wife took him to see a film he didn't want to see, the title is " An Inconvenient Truth, Global Warming" by Mr. Al Gore. This film influenced him a lot. Like he said, " This film ruin my life, Mr. Gore!". So, he wanted to did whatever he could to unprove the posibility.

The Green School came as a solution and inovation to make a better life, a green life. The classrooms have no wall, teachers write on a bamboo board and the desks are not square. John wanted his student can graduate as a whole person,that's why he used a holistic method for his school.

The student at The Green School just not learn about math, reading and writing, but they also learn about how to plant organic rice and organic vegetable, until how to harvest and cook it. The children should know, how to life in the future.

Local what is local is another Hardy's slogan. Because of it, 21 percent of the student is Balinesse. Right now, people around the world are supporting scholarships for the Balinesse Student, so Hardy hopes that he can make Balinesse Next Green Leader.

Link : ted.com/talks/john_hardy_my_green_school_dream#t-794855

Writing Feedback / SUMMARY ARTICLE : ARE YOU SURE 2016 IS THE BLEAK HISTORY EVER? [2]

Hello, this is my new thread. It is a summary article from History Today article. The original article has a title "Is 2016 The Worst Year in History" by Paul Lay. I added the link in the last paragraph if you prefer to see it. And I hope you could give me a feedback later after you read my summary. Thanks!

So many people said that 2016 is the worst year in history. Let's talk about global issues like increasing terrorism in Europe, the effect of Brexit, failed armies coup in Turkey,the Zika spread over the world, poverty and war in Syria and Iraq.

The research by Paul Lay gave other prespective. In 1347, "the Black Death" killed at least a third of the continent population (especially Asia) in the range of three years. Next, in 1942 until 1943 Wehrmacht made Holocaust winning until Suviet Nation. Regardless of the attempt of ISIS,what happens now is far away than a great level of murder ever took place.

If I refered Paul Lay about the worst year, then it would possibly be 1914. An European who wanted to bring peace and wealth began to solve their problems. The immeasurable conflict that pursued to The Russian Revolution, Nazy, atomic bomb, and enlightened chaos in Middle East. Followed by the fall of Berlin Wall in the 1989, the world became more steady.

When we said that 2016 is the most unpleasant, depends on the fact of history, are you sure about it?

Link : historytoday/paul-lay/2016-worst-year-history#sthash.a4FE8nXw.dpuf

Writing Feedback / SUMMARY ARTICLE : GLOBAL CITIZENS, HOW TO CHANGE THE WORLD? [2]

Hello, this is my new thread. It is a summary article from TED Talks Video. The original video has a title "What Does It Mean to be Citizens of the World" by Hugh Evans. I added the link in the last paragraph if you prefer to watch it. And I hope you could give me a feedback later after you read my summary. Thanks!

Hugh Evans talked about a girl called Devenia, she was born in Jamaica, but right now she lives near Washington DC, America. Maybe, there is not many people in America know her, but her action give a big impact not only in America but in her birthplace, Jamaica. It started when she asked people in Facebook for pennies, so she could pay for bill education. The result was incredible, she gathered 700,000 pennies so she could pay 120 bill of school.

What Devenia did, just one of act global citizens. Global citizens is self identified , they are not come from any country or nationality, but they are part of human right who work to finding, supporting and activating citizens in all over the world. They are try to make a different result about global issues that they believe with unique ways.

Let's talk about Hugh Evans himself. He made a big charity by mobilize so many people in the world with universal language, music. He believe that so many people have trends to help other but they don't know how to take action. So, by make unique way to mobilize the citizens he could impact the public goververment to take action like poverty, climate change, or gender issues.

So, are you a global citizens?

Link : ted.com/talks/hugh_evans_what_does_it_mean_to_be_a_citizen_of_the_world#t-21336