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Posts by zul2805_es
Name: Robert London
Joined: Aug 16, 2016
Last Post: Sep 30, 2016
Threads: 7
Posts: 18  

From: Indonesia

Displayed posts: 25
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zul2805_es   
Sep 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary : Scramble to rescue tourists on slopes of Lombok volcano (source : The Times) [6]

Hi Sasariri, in my perspective you have good writing, however there are still several mistake. Let me give you some suggestions:

... as Barujari Mount, started the eruption ... Pay attention to the punctuation because the subject is Sub-crater of Mount Rinjani in Lombok Island whereas well-known as Barujari Mount is adverb.

It made people who were still around in that areathere in panic situations. After "who/which" you have to put verb or be.

It was noticeable that is no one injured. Still, after "that/who/which" you must to put verb or be.

AnA breathtaking scenery is the most ... Using article A/an is grammatically error.

Keep writing as it can make your skill improve.
zul2805_es   
Sep 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary_article 'recommended anti-aging' [4]

Hi @caca, in my humble opinion you have a great coherent writing. However, there are some suggestions from me that would be better if you avoid repetitive and common words. Therefore, I give you some alternatives words bellow:

Manya myriad of anti-aging treatments.

muchconsiderable amount of money.

younger in their ageswell-preserved / ageless.

ManyPlenty products from manydifferent brands

I hope it can boost your writing skill. Keep up the good work!
zul2805_es   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / The advancement of machines cannot solve novel situations which can merely be conducted by people [3]

TED Summary: Anthony Goldbloom - The jobs we'll lose to machines - and the ones we won't

Anthony has niece who has father as a lawyer and mother as a doctor. Over the time, when his niece became adult, the parents jobs are becoming extremely change. It happens because the jobs has been replaced by machines which are known as artificial intelligence.

In early '90s, machine learning initially utilized in the industry which helped simple tasks. This day and age, it immensely improve since it can conduct complex assignment such as grading an essay and diagnosing diabetic people.

However, the advancement of machine still has curb. It cannot solve a novel situations which can merely be conducted by people. A person can solve a new problem that he or she never even face it. This is that the ability of machine cannot tackle the issue.
zul2805_es   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1 Summary TED: A project of peace painted across 50 buildings [3]

Let me give you some suggestions:

1. ... espesially in city which is fall (there are 2 verb. You need to eliminate "is or fall" or you can make it into past perfect "had fallen" ) apart of a devastating ...

The accident washad destroyed and ...

2. Himhetalk and makethe event has passed so it has to be Verb 2 "talked and made" a discussion with several ...
His idea to fully paint the wall of ruins with full bywith great number of colors were accepted by personage in his city.
zul2805_es   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / What happens within a procrastinator's brain and a rational decision maker's brain [4]

Let me help you and give you some suggestions:

1. ... until the deadline time comes closer Repetition, you can change it into "runs out " or you can make a slightly different sentence like this "The procrastinators like to delay the assignment until they run out of the deadline ".

2. ... able to visualize his long planplans in the long run clearly, and always argueargues (subject verb agreement ) himself to complete a task before the time.
zul2805_es   
Sep 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Good News: The tech to change your grandma's life is already here (Summarizing) [3]

This day and age, either mine grandma or all grandparents across the globe have similar disability problem namely mobility. It is tricky for them to move from one place to another owing to their condition.

Regarding to this problem, there is some private companies which kindly help them by catering private transportation or it is commonly called paratransit. Yet, it is extremely expensive where the spending reached 12.2% of total money which spent for transportation in US a couple years ago.

However, there is a bright news which could tackle this problem. Uber, The cutting-edge technology on transportation, for example, is one of app-based that cater cheap transportation for all people and old people as well. This developing app still has to improve their quality service in order to serve them by providing a sophisticated apps special for disabilities and senior citizen.

wired.com/2016/09/ridesharing-paratransit-seniors/
zul2805_es   
Sep 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / COMPARISON OF THE CAR THEFT IN EUROPE AND CANADA [3]

Since there is no figure that you showed to this thread so I'll try to give tou suggestions by several mistakes on your writing not your idea.

The line graph shows the comparison otof (misspellings) the number ofcar theftstolen cars (paraphrase of car theft) during 1990 and 1999 in Great Britain ,Swedan,France and Canada.several countries around Europe (to reduce repetition which has already written in the question).
zul2805_es   
Sep 26, 2016
Student Talk / Is it right to get your term assignments done by someone else? [11]

I stand in the line of proponents who will advocate all students to do their assignments by themselves. Because we have to emphasize them that the process of obtaining knowledge is more imperative than the score. Therefore, they must make it work by themselves.
zul2805_es   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Iconic dishes set the scene for RI culinary tourism (Summarize) [3]

The most well-known archipelago country in the world, Indonesia, has a various kind of culture. Therefore it leads to numerous of traditional diets. It is prevalent most of citizen of Indonesia has their own top 30 most favorite dishes. However, the Tourism and Creative Economy Ministry has its own 30 astonishing iconic dishes in Indonesia.

According to the Minister, the 30 most scrumptious meal in Indonesia will be promoted to local folks and foreigners from its appetizers to its refreshments. This meals also will be prepared to compete with international dishes. The list has been passed plenty of debates from ministry's culinary working group. William Wongso, Bondan Winarno, and Azhari, for instance, are the popular gastronomy expert in Indonesia that join the group.

Owing to immense of contribution to the country's income which about $17.64 billion, so Ministry will make cooperation to help this magnificent meals with others Ministry namely: Foreign Ministry, Trade Ministry, Industry Ministry, and Agriculture Ministry as well as the stakeholders.
zul2805_es   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary From TED "Tiny Satellites Show Us The Earth as It Changes in near-real-time " (W.Marsal) [4]

Hi @Ifan21 allow me to give you some suggestions:

In this Cutting-edge you need to add a noun, for example "era" so the cutting-edge could be interpreted the noun

There are great number of capricious advance inventions thatwill be immediately launched ... There are 2 verb without any connective words. So I suggest you to add "that" in the middle of your sentence.

BaseBased on the report from Will (...), he and his team who were from the Space company ... Based on this paragraph, I found you still have to work with grammar.

1. Base, you need to change it to based since you're cite it, so it is pass tense.
2. After "who" you need to add verb/to be.

CMIIW, keep writing
zul2805_es   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Aziz Abu Sarah: For more tolerance, we need more ... tourism? (Summarize) [2]

Aziz is Palestinian activist who had terrible memory about war against Israel when he was still child. Over the time, when he reached 18, he decided to learn Hebrew (Jewish language) to take a job. In the class he found that he got a wall of ignorance between him and his peers. However, he chose to demolish the walls by numerous ways and one of them is tourism.

Tourism is right way to make peace owing to its sustainable by creating friendship and connecting one another. Hence, Aziz and two Jewish friends founded social enterprise agency tour. The tour catered a unique tourism ways by put two deference men, one from Palestine and the other from Israel as the guide. So that the tourist can enrich their knowledge by having trip to Jerusalem with difference perspective and they also can join either Jewish or Palestine dinner in order to feel the warmest hospitality of local folks.
zul2805_es   
Sep 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / The legal trade of ivory could lower the elephant population or even made them extinct [3]

Hi Fira, let me give you some suggestions:

Based on a research study on 15 septemberSeptember (You should write capital letter for month) showed that, (...) population declines or even mademakes (equally tenses before and after "or") extinct elephant populations. The research showed that(at the first sentence in this paragraph you have written nearly the same so it would be redundant) , there is one factorthere are several factors (since you namely more than one factors) that made the elephant population ...

Hope it'll help you and keep writing.
zul2805_es   
Sep 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED summary : The next generation of female engineers. [3]

Hi Jawa, let me give you some suggestions:

Female engineers are the minority whichwho are only 11 per cent in the US are women ( Redundancy, you have mentioned Female in the first line).

... engineers are for boysmen (it would be proper if you use men as formal writing) while othersand (the sentence after while has supported the sentence before it. So it's not coherence if you put while, because while is for express contradiction between the sentence) agree that girls ...

When she agedwas 6 years old, she ...
After graduating forgraduated from senior high school, she was confused to continue her study and to choose what the major ...
Then consultation with her tutor brought her to gain ...Eventually, her tutor suggested to take engineering as her undergraduate program. (just make it easy to understand).

The more we practice, the higher skills we can get. Just keep writing.
zul2805_es   
Sep 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / 'Sophisticated wearable headset'. Undoubtedly, it is tricky to learn tonal language nowadays. [4]

From autism to Chinese, a headset to help you with your language (Summarizing)

Undoubtedly, it is tricky to learn tonal language nowadays. However near the future it will not due to the sophisticated wearable headset.

This advancement of technology was produced for autistic people and people who have speech disorder. Its name is SayWAT which able to generate feedback through Google Glass to the user. By using G. Glass's microphone, it can tell the user if the voice is too loud or too low and shows it within the glass.

The system has been tested by several occasions with some people and the feedback comes with positive results. However the feedback of the ptich has difference outcome because of specific feedback, according to the inventor.

It is also plausible to get live feedback of international language by SayWAT, yet it would be difficult due to lack of computational ability.
zul2805_es   
Sep 16, 2016
Student Talk / How to speak English fluently and correctly? [62]

My friend has a good theory how to make people speak fluency. He said to me that when we were born to this world without knowing any language instead of our mom voice and over the time we got accustomed with our mother language. Therefore, he said, we must listen more in order to generate fluency in our speaking. The more we listen, the good fluency we can get.
zul2805_es   
Sep 16, 2016
Student Talk / What's the biggest writing fail in your writing? [26]

Hi fellas, I've been learning English writing for a year in order to achieve good IELTS score. Over the time, I've several barriers in writing such as building the idea and misspelled the words. Yet, my biggest problem is bad handwriting.

I had taken IELTS before, I got 5.5 in my Writing section. My friend told me it could be caused by my handwriting that made the examiner hard to understand.

I still endeavor my handwriting so that the examiner could easily understand my essay.
zul2805_es   
Sep 14, 2016
Student Talk / Is it necessary to learn English? [38]

As far as i concerned, studying english decades ago in my country was not really necessary. However, nowadays it becomes the second most interesting language. It's cause by many of graduates who want to climb their dream by taking not only higher education but also working in overseas. Those are the reason why english is imperative in my country.
zul2805_es   
Sep 14, 2016
Student Talk / Hi everyone! Welcome at EssayForum thread. [413]

Hi fellas, it's great to meet you. I thought this essay forum just contains of Indonesian yet now I believe there are numerous people from the countries over the globe.

I'm Zed from Indonesia.

Hope we can improve our writing skill here.
zul2805_es   
Sep 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / Logging impact. A great deal of the industries commit the activities of cutting down trees. [3]

Hi @Aris05, hereby I want to give you a feedback:

Original sentence:
The logging can generate the downside for the environment like pollution, habitat loss and climate change.

alternative sentence:
The logging can generate some of drawbacks to the circumstances, for instance it not only creates pollution and habitat loss but also causes climate change.

The downside = some of drawbacks
Environment = circumstances
Like = for instance

Avoiding shopping list could be much better. Instead of "pollution, habitat loss and climate change", You can alter it into "not only creates pollution and habitat loss but also causes climate change"
zul2805_es   
Aug 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / History of the Circus (Summarize) [2]

There has been numerous of public entertainments existing since the ancient world, circus is one of them. It was first founded in the ancient Romans approximately sixth century B.C. Chariot races, gladiator fights, and exotic animals show are the popular entertainment among the spectators which was held in the Circus Maximus in Rome.

After century of the Roman Empire had vanished, the site was permanently closed. It made public entertainment decreased to small groups that traveled from site to site. They catered entertainment of vary talents namely, clowns, jugglers, mimes, and animal trainers. In its dark ages, people barely had leisure time that made people rarely watching circus. Nevertheless, the circus still survived and made a jump off to its magnificence form in eighteenth century.

Philip Astley, in late 1700s, founded the first modern circus by developing in door stadium. After his death, the circus spread to America. In the early 1800s, due to its popularity, US took the circus to the next level which improved it to portable tents. Joshua brown was the men behind it.
zul2805_es   
Aug 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED talks: My underwater robot for ocean exploration. [4]

Let me help you with some suggestions:
1. However, David Lang, the speaker, builtbuild the unique one

2. From dictionary.cambridge.org/grammar/british-grammar/at-on-and-in-time: "we use at the beginning (often with of) to talk about the point where something starts. We usually use in the beginning when we contrast two situations in time". Therefore, "At the beginningIn the beginning , the idea..."

3. the decided to ask in the internet, and they made web, namely openROV.They decided to make web based fundraising in Internet named openROV.

That's all I've got. Hope it'll help you. Though, it might be several mistaken which I've done in this suggestions. Therefore, please CMIIW. Thank you.
zul2805_es   
Aug 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / The Panama Pepers exposed a huge global problem [4]

1. ... so "how it worksworked and operatesoperated " & "Many rich and powerful persons havehad used Panama Papers to ...
As a result, they spendspent less money contributing to public ...
This revealed scaldal hashad caused diverse public reactions. However, most societies havehad not understood about this phenomena"
2. To infinite, therefore "to concealedconceal "
3. Since this is merely one case which is panama papers, thus, you need to replace "phenomenaphenomenon "

Hope it'll help you and CMIIW. Keep writing till drop.

Thanks.
zul2805_es   
Aug 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / Scientific research revealed that there is an abnormal leisure time situation [9]

Uses of Leisure Time (Summaries)

Research revealed that there is an abnormal leisure time situation. From its report, people nowadays have more pastime, but there is an increase in the level obesity and stress because of using leisure time inappropriately.

Several tests show that people who spent live in city tend to lose their concentrate ability and emotions control. Comparing with people lived in country side which have the contradict effects. Research demonstrate that these day people have no time to rejuvenate. Moreover, people prefer spending their time watching TV, surfing internet, and shopping to doing outdoor activities.

This situation lead to increasing on the level of depression and obesity especially on children. Thus, authorities try to find the best way to tackle this problem by giving ample time to children to spend their time in natural environment. In addition, vacations can also solve this problem. As the most satisfied in the level of vacation countries, British has a way to make their people fulfilling by giving people vacation time in pieces within the year rather than giving it all at once.
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