Posts by faizunaa17 [Suspended]

faizunaa17

Oct 28, 2016

Writing Feedback / Rules for work-force to wear every day a dress which have company symbols [4]

... work-force to wear dress which have company symbols every day.

1. Hello Mardian, based on Cambridge Dictionary (NOT KAMUSQU, wkwkw) dress is refer to women clothing that covers the top of half of the body and hangs down over the legs. My suggestion is use another word that looks more appropriate

best ~~weather~~whether dress formally or give...

2. you make typo. Weather means "cuaca". Whether is conjunction.
For instance, in Mandiri Bank, employee ~~has to~~ wear dress formally

3. has to wear ??

who want to save their money.

4. infinitive form is not appropriate.

faizunaa17

Oct 28, 2016

Writing Feedback / Happiness degree in percent related to relationship status and the effect of children appearance [2]

IELTS Writing Task 1 : Cambridge Book 5.5 - 6.5 TASK 1 UNIT 7 PAGE 76

These two bar charts provide information about happiness degree in percent related to relationship status and the effect of children appearance in the spouse life in United States. Overall, both of them don't reach fifty percent. It is also shown that connubial people have double happiness than unmarried except 65 and other that don' reach two times.

It is already illustrated that youngest people who already married, have the highest happiness rating at 45 percent. In contrast, 50-64 years old have the lowest value at 40 percent. Both 30-49 and 65 over have the same place at 44 percent. In addition, nonmarital people have almost half exaltation compared with wedded people, except the oldest people that have 34 percent.

There are only slight different of marital people who have pupils or not, so we can conclude that children have little effect to make them happy. It divided into three groups; teenagers under 18, children 18+, and no children. Their percentage are 44 percent, 41 percent, and 43% respectively.

Image

faizunaa17

Oct 28, 2016

Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1: Comparison between married and unmarried couple and the effect of children. [4]

The bar ~~chart~~ tells the information ~~about the answer people gave~~ about the satisfaction rates ...

1. charts ---> plural. Because it has shown 2 charts not only one.

2. about .... about...
It's not effective. I think you'd better use the satisfaction, because the data already refer to people answer

3. For ~~the age having~~ 18-64 age
For the 18 - 64 age

untuk usia yang punya usia 18 - 64 ???

Children do not affect the happiness of the family

You can't state that, because there is still a difference between the children and no children. You just mention very little, or slightly, or other that means very small effect. Except you add word "tend to do not effect"--- and explain it because only small different.

faizunaa17

Oct 27, 2016

Writing Feedback / Owning an enterprise or becoming an employer: CAMBRIDGE BOOK 5.5 - 6.5 | UNIT 6 PAGE 64 [2]

Nowadays, many people encourage to build their own enterprises rather than become employer of some industries or organizations. In my perspective, it will bring many advantages than drawbacks.

First of all, having self-company will make people's time more flexible, because they act as the chief executive officer, so they will create daily schedule by self. They can walk every time and everywhere as long as the company can operate well. If we compare with people that have a job, they have less flexibility. For instance, worker usually must go in the early morning and back to the home in the night even midnight.

Secondly, our personal quality will be boost significantly. Started from leadership aspect, it will be developed rapidly because we must manage all and start from zero. We must set vision, missions, goals, create some divisions like human resource, marketing, supply chain, production, and others. Moreover, some skills like decision making, taking risk, creative thinking can grow ultimately. In contrast, worker do not have time to maintain their own skill better, because they already busy for doing their daily tasks.

Third, today social enterprise become trend among the young people. They not only become entrepreneur, but also empower poor society around them to get a job. For example, in Surabaya, there was a place that became prostitution area in the past. Since the officials closed that in 2014, many local inhabitants had become unemployment because the visitors had gone. It is finally solved by many teenagers that build social-based company and change the place to become educative tourism place. So, it is proven that having own business will bring much benefits for society.

All in all, starting business maybe more difficult than become labor in industry. However, in order to make our nation have bright future, a lot of job opportunity must be created for reducing poverty. Furthermore, it will bring many positive effect both personal and social.

faizunaa17

Oct 27, 2016

Writing Feedback / What type of wind turbine location is necessary to generate maximum electricity? [3]

the turbine which ~~locates~~located in the hill is ~~more spoiled~~ for the landscape than ...

1. which is located
2. more spoiled ---> more + verb. Spoil is verb. not noun. More + adjective

... producing electricity [~~b]untill[/b]~~ 1.5 megawatts.

3. until not untill ---> typo

The wind turbine which is ~~buld~~build near the the domestic area

4. typo again

Meanwhile, (...) can generate maximum wind strengths

5. lebih dari itu, turbin besar lainnya dapat menghasilkan kekuatan angin maksimal ??? ----> turbinnya menghasilkan angin ??
ONLY ENGLISH PLEASE

faizunaa17

Oct 27, 2016

Writing Feedback / Each location offers different advantages and disadvantages based on wind strengths and scenery look [3]

Hello Aini, i will give you some suggestion :
The turbine consist of blades, steel tower, wind sensor, generator, computers, and wind as the energy source

1. Wind is not part of the turbine -____-

2. The process ~~is will be started~~will be started / is started when the turbine get ...

is will be ??? it's not proper

... get signal from sensor thatadjusts ~~bladed~~blade about direction and angle of wind

4. the turbine (subject) + get (verb) + signal from sensor (object ) + must be followed by that + adjust (verb)

5. Bladed ? what is the meaning of bladed ?

6. direction and angle ---> it has same meaning . What about the speed ? Have you mentioned it ?

faizunaa17

Oct 27, 2016

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1 : CAMBRIDGE BOOK 5.5 - 6.5 | UNIT 5 PAGE 56 - WIND TURBINE [2]

These figures illustrate some equipment that used to create wind turbine and where it should be located. That machine consists of blades that make from fiberglass or wood, sensor, generator, steel tower, and computer. Overall, there are two kinds of turbine. The bigger one usually located at the sea and the hills which is have both maximum output and wind strength. The smaller one is placed in the resident area that have little output.

The process is started when the wind twist the blades. At the same time, wind sensor will send a report to the computer that contains some data about speed and direction of the wind. As a consequence, electricity will be generated through generator.

In addition, to produce an optimum result, there are three different types of the turbine locations. First, it placed in the sea. It has some advantages such as get tremendous wind power, produce maximum output until 1.5 megawatts, and also it does not disturb the landscape. Second, the turbine that installed on the top of hill has the same positive aspect with the previous, but while sea-turbine not spoil the landscape, hill turbine disturbs the natural views. The last is domestic turbine. Although it has smaller size than others and the output only 100 kilowatts, it can be installed around the inhabitants' houses.

faizunaa17

Oct 27, 2016

Writing Feedback / Essay about food waste in the past, present and future - introduction writing [3]

Hello kylian

For introductory sentence i have some idea to create introduction.

1. Explain many people views today about food waste. You can find it in google or some articles, better if the research paper that contain about people's opinion. So, let's start your essay with today condition.

Maybe you can start with :

Recent studies shows that food waste production reach..... percent and it bring some negative impact such as ....... //

Nowadays, Many people argue that food waste tend to bring drawbacks such as........

2. After that, add some information about the past and the future. You also can found it in the internet. Because it is the introduction part, you just explain a little or in other words just give the overview about food waste in the past and future. It is not problem if you use your own-opinion, but better if you can explain based on the data or some research or some expertise opinion.

You just mention like that :

In my opinion, food waste will be reduce in the future because.......
Based on Professor xxxxxxx research, it has shown that ..........

3. After you bring all information, MAKE COMPARISON. You can give your argument here, both positive and negative aspect. Just a few explanation about your opinion about food waste comparison between those times.

4. Then, after the introduction, you can divided your explanation into three parts. Part one is about the past, part two is about present, and part three is about future. It can make your essay well-arranged.

5. In the last, you can give conclusion and your suggestion.

I hope this can be useful for you.
Sincerely,
Faiz

faizunaa17

Oct 26, 2016

Writing Feedback / Media Habits Today - celebrities became the role model for ordinary people [5]

The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers, or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, prominent people not only act as the people who just singing and acting in the podium, but also become the role model of society. In response to that phenomenon, many mass-media use it as their opportunity to attract attention from many people. Media look like publish everything that occurred between celebrities to boost their ratings among watchers. Unfortunately, as a result of media ambitious project, they often forgot that there are many infamous people that have more inspiring story and not as popular as the artist. I tend to be agree if media give space to unwell-known people for showing their daily life.

First of all, actors still famous even though without too much exposing by media. There are still a lot of people that need media to help them reach the dream. For instance, today many children cannot continue their education because of the lack of money. They select to work in the early age for helping their parents fulfil their daily needs. Imagine if the media use their power to report in and spread it to all over the world, it will make people give many donation and doing charity activities for helping poor people. In contrast, it will have less benefit if they use all of their time for publishing famous people's daily activities.

Secondly, today some artist sometimes report the media to the legal entity because of their disappointing of media publication. For example, usually media exaggerate some celebrities' accident for viral purpose. Consequently, they must give much compensation to the artist to avoid them prosecute into police. In contrast, some media create program that give many chances to ordinary people for showing their talent. It also gives results of increasing the popularity of the media. It was proven that different method can produce the same result, even more useful.

In conclusion, it is not bad if media still report many famous people's daily activities. But it looks better if they give many spaces for infamous person to show their talent and real condition especially when they need some help.

faizunaa17

Oct 26, 2016

Writing Feedback / 13-year-old student in one school choose the study. [4]

The graph below shows information about the languages that 13-year-old student in one school choose the study.

The line chart displays the quantity of 13-year-old students that have taken Mandarin and French lesson in a school in England from 2000 to present. Overall, in the beginning French reached peak while Mandarin had lowest point. In addition, between 2000 and 2005, number of pupils who studied French increased significantly. In contrast, at the same period mandarin learner fell extremely. Besides, they looked like had more stable trend in the next following year.

It is clear that in 2000, only about 7 students that choose Mandarin as their subject and it had extra-large different with the French that have 150 learners. However, in 2005, while Mandarin raised sharply into almost ten times into about 70, French went down tremendously into near half of before at 85.

As we can see, in the next following year, from 2006 to present, both of them had fluctuated. But while French looked like moved slightly down, Mandarin had gone small upward.

faizunaa17

Oct 26, 2016

Writing Feedback / News about ordinary people bring other people's attention for local problems [5]

In the present, technology has developed rapidly

1. Present but why you use perfect ? If you like to use perfect tense you must add time period. For example add for/since for something that happened in the past but it's connected to present (based on grammar ielts book)

Since the past time, technology has developed rapidly

which they want to ~~seen~~see

2. To Infinitive ---> To + V1 ---> To see

they will not ~~care full~~careful when visit a city.

3. you make typo. careful not care full.

4. it is important because we will aware of ~~problems other people~~other people's problem

Well, actually i still confused about your idea Rezki, because it not arranged well. So, try to re-arranged it.

faizunaa17

Oct 26, 2016

Writing Feedback / The graph provides information regarding the recruitment number of English & French language tutors [3]

All in all, the percentage ...

1. Your overview is already good, but it is better if you add some information about the overall. For instance turning point in 2002 when English teacher more than French teacher.

... during 2001 to 2003 atfrom 70 percent to 68 percent.

2. ~~at .... to .....~~from.... to....

. Based on the graph it can be seen that,

3. It can --> It (subject) + can + be + seen (verb)

there ~~was~~ grew up during ...

4. was (verb) grew up (verb) . If negative form ---> was grown up

English-Language teachers ~~were~~ felt down ...

5. Double verb again. kalau vErb 3 ---> felt down --> diturunkan ? Passive or Active ?

French-Language teachers ~~were slight increase~~increased slightly event there ~~was~~ fluctuated

6. Passive or Active ? If it's active you make double verb. if negative i think it's not appropriate with the sentence.

faizunaa17

Oct 26, 2016

Writing Feedback / Statistics of first-year (English/Franch) tutors job some years ago [6]

..., from 75% to 40% in ~~the three-first years~~the first three years . In the next year , it rose slightly to 45% in 2005 . Andit reached ~~bottomed~~bottom at 28 percent in 2007.

1. The first three years not the three first years
2. In the next year..... in 2005 ---> REPETITION. You already mention the next year in the beginning, then mention 2005.
3. Avoid to use "and" in the beginning because it is informal
4. It reached ---> It (Subject) + reached (verb)
5. bottomed ??? I don't see it in dictionary. Bottom ---> noun . Bottomed ???

After that, there was a significant increase ofto 69%
6. of : dari . to : ke

After that, it reached a peak in the end of theyear at 73 percent.
7. It + reached ---> Subject + Verb
8. the end year ---> end (noun) + year (noun) ???? add of the to separate it.

~~And~~ in the end of the year, French teachers peaked, but the French teachers were opposite which bottomed below 30%.

9. What your mean there ? French naik then french opposite ????

faizunaa17

Oct 26, 2016

Writing Feedback / Mostly famous people such as entertainment workers and sport athletes dominate in news [2]

~~He famous~~Famouspeople such as entertainment workers entertainer and sport ...
... know other side of ~~live~~life that need more ...
I totally agree that ~~inhabitant people~~infamous people is necessary to be ~~blew~~blown up.

Well ba'da, i have some corrections for you.

1. He + Famous ---> Pronoun + Adjective ???? It can't be like that. It must Subject/Pronoun + Verb.
2. Entertainment workers : I think it has very wide meaning. It can means the cameraman, reporter, etc. So, i recommend to change into entertainer that have closer meaning to an artist.

3. Live : tinggal // Life : Kehidupan. So, what's the most appropriate?
4. inhabitant people : Inhabitants already means people, so why you write it together?
5. blow --> blew ---> blown. For negative, use Verb 3

Those condition very essential because it refer to ...

6. Because + subject / pronoun + verb ===> Because it refer

If, the ordinary people don't be reported, it may can increase ...
However, although general people important ...

7. it may can ---> subject + may + can + verb
8. However, although ---> Refer to contradict, because you have two sentence that combine into one sentence. So, you must add although *let's translate it to make easier to understand :

Namun demikian, orang biasa penting, untuk diketahui, ada sektor lain yang penting seperti aktor

BANDINGKAN!

Namun demikian, walaupun orang biasa penting untuk diketahui, ada sektor lain yang penting seperti aktor.

However, general people important to be known, there are other sectors that also important such as actors. (LAST SENTENCE 3RD PARAGRAPH)

On the other hand, there are ~~advantage side~~many advantages of news about artists. (FIRST SENTENCE FOURTH PARAGRAPH)

9. Repetition. You have the same aim for those sentence. I recommend for erasing the last sentence in 3rd paragraph.

10. advantage side ---> Noun + Noun . It's wrong. Side must be followed by adjective such as : Positive sides, negative sides, etc. Advantages already have meaning positive side, so, you not allowed to combine advantage side.

... they may become a role ~~mode~~model for the citizens, because ...

11. model not mode
For example, the actor can ~~attract~~attracts many people by their talent.

12. actor ---> singular, must be followed by verb s ---> attracts

So if they ~~safe clean~~keep cleanness and aware to ~~around area~~the surroundings . The people will take ~~action same~~ same action like them.

13. If they...... ???? ---> Jika mereka menjaga kebersihan dan peduli sekitar ? terus maka apa ??? STICK TO THE ENGLISH PLEASE

14. safe clean ---> adjective + adjective ??? I recommend to change into keep cleanness ( Verb + noun)

15. around area ??? ---> it's true but unusual. So change into surroundings.

16. action same ??? ---> same action. It is reversed.

faizunaa17

Oct 25, 2016

Writing Feedback / The figure displays kinds of problems that are faced by people when they stay overseas [2]

The figure displays kinds of problems that is faced by people when they stay overseas which is illustrated by using bar charts according to the age. Overall, while the middle-age has the highest percentage in each problem, searching education course for pupil is the less-problem compared with others.

The greatest problem for people aged 35-54 is about health with approximately 37 percent while it also becomes the biggest value in all. However, this problem has a tiny different both in 18-34 and over 55, each of them 32 and 28 respectively.

Financial planning is the second biggest problem both in 35-54 years old and the oldest age with 35 percent and 28% each. In contrast, it becomes the largest problem in the youngest with 33 percent.

In addition, finding schools for the children becomes the smallest problem in every group of ages. People over 55 has the lowest value with only 3 percent, while middle-age has 18 percent and 18-34 years old has 7 percent.

faizunaa17

Oct 25, 2016

Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2 Children's Unhealth Lifestyle and Parents/Schools responsibility [3]

Nowadays, many children under five ~~year~~years old are ~~experience~~have many experience lifestyle which is not ...

five years ---> plural

are experience lifestyle ---> are + noun .---> adalah pengalaman hidup . ---> WRONG
have many experience lifestyle ---> memiliki banyak pengalaman gaya hidup ---> CORRECT

There are some people ~~that~~ say that kindergartenand parents have ...

Well, i think if school paraphrase into kindergarten, is too specific because schools have a lot of meaning. It's better you don't paraphrase it, because if we talk about children it's not refer to kindergarten student

I totally agree that parents and schools have responsibilities to ...
For example, when they consume unhealthy ...

Is word "they" refer to "parents and schools"? Be careful with pronoun using !

... parents and teachers are the role ~~mode~~model for their children with ~~they~~their~~have a~~ job to improve the capability of kids.

what is the relationship between improving capability (mengembangkan kemampuan) and health ?

~~And also~~ Teachers also can give some advise or ...

It's recommended to not put "and" in the beginning of sentence because it is informal.

... parents and teachers that have not given what is should be children accepted by both

what's the meaning of that ? I can't translate it and confused about it. "banyak orang tua dan guru yang tidak diberikan apa yang harus murid disetujui oleh mereka ???

maybe like that : there are many parents and teachers that do not know what should they do to make sure their children for accepting their advice.

*banyak orang tua dan guru yang tidak tahu apa yang harus mereka lakukan untuk membuat yakin anak-anak untuk menerima nasihat mereka.*

... and less time to ~~choosing~~choose their meals, so ~~they~~their kids just accept the food ...

to infinitive form ---> to + choose (must Verb 1)

Well i didn't finish to correct the last two paragraph, so you can ask another friends. Or maybe people who give the comment please correct the last two paragraph.

Good Luck Ba'da. You should study about grammar well.

faizunaa17

Oct 25, 2016

Writing Feedback / Many pupils life is far from healthy. Who's responsible, what's the solution? [4]

Over time, ~~the most young~~infants / pupils have several activities every day

Many ~~young~~children / pupils/ teenager / teen need responsibility from ...

Young is kind of adjectiveit is not noun. So, you can't place it there.

... and schools can help ~~young~~young people / other words that already i given before

~~But~~Becausechildren can manage themselves ...

But is refer to contradict your previous sentence. The sentence looks like not contradict, so you it kind of strength your idea.

This ~~cause~~is caused by many activities that ...

Remember ! passive form

faizunaa17

Oct 25, 2016

Writing Feedback / Today, there are many pupils that do not know how to live healthily. [3]

... the ones who have a responsibilityto overcome this problem.
... as the part of their responsibility for the next generation.

REPETITION IDEA

You can change responsibility into awareness, duty, or other.

Overall, I agree that giving ~~the children education of healthy lifestyle~~[font#00lifestyle education for the children the childrenshould be given ...

... young generation has amany bad lifestyle , especially in health lifestyle.

You must use many not "a" because "a" is refer to only one, but you give the next word, "especially" , so it must more than one.

Lifestyle ---> REPETITION. You can erase the lifestyle word in the second sentence. So it become : especially in health. That's enough i think.

faizunaa17

Oct 25, 2016

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - SCHOOL AND PARENTS ROLE FOR KEEPING CHILDREN HEALTH - CAMBRIDGE BOOK 5.5 - 6.5 PAGE 2 [5]

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, many pupils become careless for keeping fit their own body. This is shown by some statistics that displays the increasing number of children that have diseases. As a result, I agree that it is important for schools and parents to care with this problem.

There are two main factors that usually makes children have unwell condition. First is their food consumption. On one hand, they like to spend their money for trying such as a tasty food without look at the hygiene, cleanness, and ingredients aspect. To solve that, schools and parents must work together. While the father and mother give pupils advice in the home, the teacher should control it when they at school, for not buying food anywhere. For instance, some food that usually sold outside the school is dirty, even though they still buy it. So, teachers must keep eye to them. If the students obey the advice and the teacher not care, they will get disease too.

Secondly is the sport habit. It is very important because the development of technology make people doing only a few exercises and feel harm in their muscle. This problem not only occur in the older generation, but also in many children, proven with a lot of children already have smart phone that make all time of their day busy. For example, although school usually already have sport lesson every week, but it is not enough to control it alone without any help from parents, because children spend many time in home. In Sunday or when holiday, father and mother can ask to their children for accompanying them jogging, playing badminton, or the other sport.

All in all, both school and parents have the similar degree of responsibilities to take care children health. In addition, it is better if parents and schools build intensive communication especially for children's health. So, they will help each other for avoiding pupils from unhealthy lifestyle.

faizunaa17

Sep 14, 2016

Writing Feedback / The result of adult education survey - Cambridge 1 Practice 1 - Correct if Found Some Wrong [2]

These two charts display the result of adult education survey. The bar chart is related to the motive of grown-up people to study while the pie chart shows how the cost of each course should be shared.

Overall, the main reason for deciding study are based on their interest and to get qualifications. It is clear that Individual become the highest object that get the shared cost.

Based on the first bar chart, about 40% people decide to study because they love the subject. It is slight different with another reason like getting qualification which has 38 percentage. Otherwise, only 9% of people select the course just for meet their friends.

If we look at the second pie chart, there are three categories of shared cost. The highest one is Individual that have approximately 40% of cost. In the second position there is employer that has 35%, and the smallest is Taxpayer which is only 25%.