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UC prompt 1: inspiration and reality

2 - sentence 2 from intro is a hanger. its not complete? small but yet alive me, opportunities [because you use...

Undergraduateessentials7 - Nov 25, 2009meisj0n - Nov 25, 2009
UC Prompt #2: Heart of a Warrior

4 - I think this is an excellent essay. I just wanted to add a counterpoint to MonsieurWise's points, actually -...

UndergraduateMgaldamez - Nov 24, 2009Nandra - Nov 26, 2009
Ralph's grocery store ad - UC ESSAY 3 Personal Accomplishment

3 - Nice job! the first sentence is not very exciting, so it coul be improved... also: Sound, especially music,...

Undergraduatecombomeal316 - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
Tesla #THE PERSON THAT INFLUENCED ME MUCH#

4 - Yes, I think you should have half of it be about Tesla and half of it be about you...

UndergraduateMARIOFOREVER - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
Influenced by the enviornment UC prompt 1

3 - "I believe that the biggest influence in a person's life that determines an individual's personality and qualities is the...

Undergraduateayumit11 - Nov 24, 2009jamiebondoc - Nov 25, 2009
Was vs. Were for some sentences

19 - Good info! Here is a site I found that explains in more detail: englishplus/grammar/00000031.htm Thanks, timeturner36!...

Grammar, Usagemeisj0n - Nov 24, 2009Jeannie - Dec 20, 2009
"struggles" central florida. short essay

3 - i agree with everything the person above me said also: do footsteps tremble? you might want a...

Undergraduatedamnsam - Nov 24, 2009jpg_76 - Nov 25, 2009
leaves, branch, bark, stem, tree, roots (2nd personal statement)

3 - In the first para, it is good if you void addressing the reader directly, as if preaching to the...

Undergraduatejpg_76 - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
Advertising a service (help with writing)

3 - Thanks misskimari, just a small question is it correct to say make your business famous or there is another...

Speechesromioaa - Nov 24, 2009romioaa - Nov 26, 2009
UC Prompt 2: Bottles and Cans

2 - Oh... you needed a service learning project in order to graduate. Okay, the first para is confusing, because you...

Undergraduatejpazn23 - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
Florida State University Essay Prompt 2009-2010 (draft too long?)

2 - When I first moved into the state of to Missouri... Don't try to say too much in...

UndergraduateAnimeEye - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
(MaCaulay Honors essay) - Discussion of a Risk- Pollution & Recycling

4 - Because this material is made to be very sturdy, it makes the product just as hard also takes a...

UndergraduateIgnorancex - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
Common Application essay - china boy

2 - The whole assimilation/cultural shock/immigrant essay is a very common one. You need to make yours stand out, which you...

Undergraduateldmason08 - Nov 24, 2009twizzlestraw - Nov 25, 2009
I considered Emory University for its academics: Emory essay

3 - Hello yaywriting, your cool personality is too good for this unenthusiastic part: I found that my interest in political...

Undergraduateyaywriting - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
One with Martial arts (FGCU-Activity that has been meaningful to you)

5 - Great writing here... I hear nothing but the wings of the butterflies in my stomach, frantic and restless....

UndergraduateJfils - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
"Test under pressure" - UC Prompt 2

2 - Maybe you want to use a dash for a "dramatic pause" :-) for such a moment -- or if...

Undergraduatemaatthheew - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
First day of kindergarten (personal statement)

3 - Hi i like your essay i think you should start with the third sentence (i still clearly...). It...

UndergraduateMayra - Nov 24, 2009jpg_76 - Nov 24, 2009
UC Personal Statement Prompt 1 -My family and helping others

2 - Some things i marked through, some things i just erased and re-wrote. im not the best but i hope...

Undergraduateanjello - Nov 24, 2009damnsam - Nov 24, 2009
Junior Statesmen of America summer school program -University of Southern California

2 - This university offered a rich mixture of scholars from all over the world, and I was astonished when I...

Undergraduatetruonge - Nov 24, 2009MARIOFOREVER - Nov 25, 2009
Architecture Essay on "how a building affected my mindset"

3 - "Since, I have researches many architects and talked to other architects that I met through friends and family." ...

UndergraduateJacksonBrock - Nov 24, 2009lilgangwolf - Nov 28, 2009
UC Davis prompt 1: Mathematics in Every Step

2 - My intended major is Mathematics. For a very long time, I couldn't decide what field I should choose to...

Undergraduatehahatyshka - Nov 24, 2009Jfils - Nov 24, 2009
'Divorce rate is nearing 50%' - someone who has made an impact on your life

2 - The first sentence says the American economy is a superpower, but that is not quite right. The second sentence...

Undergraduatem4rx - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
UC Prompt 1: Being Named The Most Unique

4 - My parents catalyzed my ambitions I would use another word. This was a really nice approach! Great job...

Undergraduateleahaha - Nov 24, 2009twizzlestraw - Nov 25, 2009
UC personal statement 2 - My First Interview

2 - I love being around children and helping them was something I didn't mind doing Redundant. "I loved helping children"...

Undergraduatehieuh600 - Nov 24, 2009Reach - Nov 24, 2009
UC personal statement 1 - My Siblings

2 - Use a comma: My family has always been a big one, and being... It is great that your...

Undergraduatehieuh600 - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
Suggestions for Ph.D topic in computer science / cloud computing

18 - Computer is a broad subject. You should take some time and search what exactly do you want to do...

Dissertationsghos - Nov 24, 2009tau - Jul 11, 2012
The effect of the recession - Prompt #1

3 - Your personal statement seems quite disjointed, you need transitions for the paragraphs to flow better. Also, avoid addressing the...

Undergraduatedmurphy - Nov 24, 2009Psyche - Nov 25, 2009
UC Prompt #2: Baking Bread

4 - While they were baking people arrived for the meeting. This sentence seems out of place. You're not transitioning...

Undergraduatetongyan - Nov 24, 2009Mgaldamez - Nov 25, 2009
"My world has always been a small, rural town" - admission essay for UC's!

6 - I think you should bring your first paragraph to a close sooner, ad give a thesis sentence that really...

Undergraduatecoolnerd - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
IELTS:Are International Sporting Occasions a Safe Way for Releasing Emotions??

2 - Above, there are 2 spelling errors, so be sure to run this through a spell checker. Also, in...

Writing FeedbackRuah - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
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