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Personal statement "The fear."

5 - thank you for all opinons! Really helpful! This is my revised version. Is it getting better? It may...

Undergraduatelinhexi - Sep 10, 2009linhexi - Sep 26, 2009
Many Animal are getting extinct from this world, describe the ways to protect .

3 - Simone is right -- your grammatical mistakes are severe enough and frequent enough that they make reading your essays...

Writing Feedbackniraj - Sep 10, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 11, 2009
"I will write" - UC Transfer Personal Statement

5 - The essay flows well. It is much better than many personal statements I have read, and kept my interest...

UndergraduateJme012 - Sep 10, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 11, 2009
A SOCIETY IS BASED ON LAWS AND RULES. DISCUSS THE PERSON WHO WANT TO LIVE FREELY

3 - Again, try revising this essay yourself, focusing purely on eliminating all grammatical errors. Working out for yourself what is...

Writing Feedbackniraj - Sep 10, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 11, 2009
toefl - Should enter the best university. agree or disagree

4 - yeah~ we should attend the university,as it offers us the opportunity to accumulate the konwledge we need to...

Writing Feedbacktalkysweet - Sep 9, 2009Jin - Sep 12, 2009
College admissions- "I was afraid to talk "

3 - its cool i was afraid to talk too still gets a little stage fright but im working on it....

Undergraduatetkkt1 - Sep 9, 2009icemaster2340 - Sep 10, 2009
"faculty ratio and more" - UCF Admissions Essay

10 - Revised Paragraph #2, Question #2 Someone who knows me well would say that I'm a hardworking and goal-oriented...

UndergraduateFrankDaTank - Sep 9, 2009FrankDaTank - Sep 10, 2009
The Brink of Insanity on a Submarine (University of Washington Transfer Essay)

5 - Thanks for the input..I'll post my next revision soon. I'm still trying to find a way to express how...

Undergraduatejbow808 - Sep 9, 2009jbow808 - Sep 10, 2009
UF app essay two, I decided to write a completely different essay

6 - oh okay thank you, the thing is that i don't know what my mom has so i can't really...

Undergraduatekrisdp25 - Sep 9, 2009krisdp25 - Sep 11, 2009
CBEST: Bad memories should not be treated as a hindrance but as a learning opportunity.

5 - There are plenty of online sources for grammar worksheets and the like. Try The Owl at Purdue. Also, go...

Writing Feedbackxubis - Sep 9, 2009EF_Simone - Sep 11, 2009
UF Admission Essay: Student Company

11 - Thanks...

Undergraduaterbz4real - Sep 9, 2009rbz4real - Oct 1, 2009
persuasive speech writing on I WILL BE THE RULER

9 - Right: That's where democracy often goes wrong, when the representatives of the people start to think of themselves as...

Speecheschocuqueen - Sep 9, 2009EF_Simone - Sep 12, 2009
"Success is a ladder..." - UCF Admissions Essay!

4 - first of all, your thesis/argument is very general here. ad EF_Simone was telling you, the topic itself is overused...

UndergraduateR0xt0nM - Sep 9, 2009zowzow - Sep 10, 2009
I've recently realized how desperately I have been searching to find myself

4 - Your grammar is fine, but you could make your writing stronger by using more active verbs. Rather than saying...

Undergraduatenik - Sep 9, 2009EF_Simone - Sep 11, 2009
Toefl : professional athletes make too much money?

9 - Yeah, I know... I didn't finish this one within 30 minutes... I'm just practicing now and I hope I...

Writing Feedbacklitingjiao - Sep 9, 2009litingjiao - Sep 15, 2009
the president of school television network - UIUC Essay #2

2 - Read your first sentence. It is in present tense even though you are talking about the past. Look at...

UndergraduatePositiveHao - Sep 9, 2009EF_Simone - Sep 9, 2009
MANY PEOPLE LIKES TO LIVE ON THEIR OWN. DISCUSS SOCIAL EFFECTS

8 - You haven't proven this -- you just assert it. Even people who live on their own may have...

Writing Feedbackniraj - Sep 9, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 11, 2009
What are the good things and bad things about the place you live in? (Toefl)

2 - This essay lacks a conclusion. Even if it's only a couple of sentences, be sure to include a summarizing...

Writing Feedbacksaurabhjain162 - Sep 9, 2009EF_Simone - Sep 9, 2009
"Chronic osmotic stimuli" - PhD thesis

5 - I think there is some mutual conclusion going on. I know that I cannot understand what it is you...

Dissertationschetouisamir - Sep 9, 2009EF_Simone - Sep 10, 2009
The Use of Animals for Medical Research

5 - "The use of animals in laboratory research is a very well known debate." Not so much. There is...

Essaysnathan1988 - Sep 9, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 10, 2009
'visited the funfair' - report writing

4 - Why have you posted this in the graduate admission essay section when it does not seem to be, in...

Research Paperssidra - Sep 9, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 9, 2009
'technical responsibilities in military' Statement of Purpose - GT Grad School Essay

4 - Wow, we don't see many robotics students quoting Bernice Johnson Reagon! You ought to get points just for that!...

Graduatebrandongroff - Sep 8, 2009EF_Simone - Sep 16, 2009
Changing Community (a problem of perception)

2 - I think your first sentence is redundant. Save space for more vivid details that you can write about. And...

Undergraduatetkkt1 - Sep 8, 2009eternal flame - Sep 9, 2009
"there is more to music than just the written word" - UF undergrad essay-> 1979

5 - Yeah that's where I kind of died in writing, kind of wrote this in one sitting so i figured...

UndergraduateNightmre1225 - Sep 8, 2009Nightmre1225 - Sep 8, 2009
Marching Band (My Essay For UF)

2 - This is not an essay. It's one long run-on paragraph. Break this into paragraphs. Along the way, proofread for...

UndergraduateKelz0 - Sep 8, 2009EF_Simone - Sep 8, 2009
"trying to get into UC Davis" - My lovely personal statement!

11 - comment on verily's opinion. I can see how verily is thinking that. to address that problem, i think you...

Undergraduateasianbaybay - Sep 8, 2009pcvrz34g - Oct 4, 2009
"no other choice but to become Saudi" - Describe the world you come from

15 - thanks for your revision ;P...

UndergraduateMayada - Sep 8, 2009Mayada - Sep 12, 2009
"My love for Computers" - U of I #1

4 - How so? I think that you should omit this sentence because it's irrelevant. Omit that too....

Undergraduatenellyspageli - Sep 8, 2009Mayada - Sep 8, 2009
'Life without light, gas, food..' - diversity statement for law school

7 - Right. And draft 2 is much weaker than draft 1. As a law school diversity statement. I didn't...

Graduateaseriousmission - Sep 8, 2009EF_Simone - Sep 11, 2009
Personal statement on Physics (UCAS); I scratch my head in frustration.

4 - I like the idea behind the introductory paragraph...only it is a wee bit confusing. Did you mean...

Undergraduateeternal flame - Sep 8, 2009Moonshadow0302 - Sep 18, 2009
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