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"I have always contributed something" - Rutgers admission essay

9 - Ha ha, yes it is awe striking! Well, I am glad the experience is a positive one...

UndergraduateTheseGuns - Nov 14, 2009EF_Kevin - Dec 16, 2010
Program of study essay - any general guidelines and structure?

8 - The characteristics of an essay are a thesis statement, topic sentences, transition sentences, evidence, clarity, and so forth....

Graduatedormilona - Oct 8, 2008EF_Kevin - Dec 16, 2010
"feeding the homeless" - Personally Significant contribution in community

3 - I don't think entailed is the right word here. Being heavily entailed in a community is an arduous...

Undergraduatekcoop29 - Dec 1, 2010EF_Kevin - Dec 16, 2010
"personal diversions of singing and film" - USC short answer - academic interest

3 - This is excellent stuff. I like all of it and don't suggest any changes to the first half. ...

Undergraduatehelloloaf - Dec 1, 2010EF_Kevin - Dec 16, 2010
Technology, the social life killer or saviour?

3 - They are not destroying a social network. They are improving the communication capabilities in our social networks. But I...

Writing FeedbackRobD - Dec 1, 2010EF_Kevin - Dec 16, 2010
"I am still different; diverse and Roman Catholic" - Rutgers essay

4 - Man, this is cool poetry but I don't know if the AO reader will appreciate it. As the...

Undergraduatedank09 - Nov 30, 2010EF_Kevin - Dec 16, 2010
"Leaving my small town in Syria to America" - Rutgers "Diverse Community"

3 - If you use "although," you need another part of the sentence with a subject and predicate: Although I had...

Undergraduaterosie5 - Nov 30, 2010EF_Kevin - Dec 16, 2010
why did north Korea attack south Korea?

4 - There are some mistakes, but most of it makes sense! :-) However, look at the important advice from Frezard:...

Research Papersmarsha - Nov 30, 2010EF_Kevin - Dec 16, 2010
SAT essay! Where do I see myself when I am 22. Need grammar help.

4 - As dogs are a huge part of my life I will have at least two dogs of my own....

Writing FeedbackMLE27 - Dec 1, 2010EF_Kevin - Dec 16, 2010
Why Economics and Psychology for a Vietnamese student? - Brown University Supplement

4 - Her description of the school enabled me to experience the peaceful hills of Providence despite never having set foot...

Undergraduatequantao93 - Dec 1, 2010EF_Kevin - Dec 16, 2010
Texas A&M - Artistic New Perspective

3 - ha ha, very cool... I think you should type nine instead of 9. I like your...

Undergraduatelisaartus - Nov 30, 2010EF_Kevin - Dec 16, 2010
"China, the country to study in" - Studying Abroad Honors Program Essay

3 - China would be is a country that I would be enthralled to study within. Actually, you are not...

Undergraduateswimfast92 - Nov 30, 2010EF_Kevin - Dec 16, 2010
"it's all about ideas" - How does University of Chicago Satisfy Your Desire Essay

5 - With that long list at the end of the first paragraph, I think you need to add a SHORT...

UndergraduateOninuva - Nov 30, 2010EF_Kevin - Dec 16, 2010
"Soccer, Urugway" - someone who influenced me - international student

4 - Are you kidding?! :-) Sports have the deepest meditation, locking you into a moment and forcing you to...

Undergraduateigallm - Nov 30, 2010EF_Kevin - Dec 16, 2010
"I began studying sociology" - UC Transfer Intro- Sociology Major

3 - Wow, I can't see much room for improvement. You wrote it in a great way. The only thing you...

UndergraduateRazzee015 - Nov 30, 2010EF_Kevin - Dec 16, 2010
Essay that explains an aspect of my extra curricular backgroud - "The biggest reward"

3 - This is a great topic, and you wrote it very well. More importantly, you deserve every opportunity, because you...

UndergraduateEVEH - Nov 30, 2010EF_Kevin - Dec 16, 2010
Importance of working conditions? Focus on products or working conditions?

3 - In the first paragraph, the words "benefit" and "product" should both probably have an s at the end. However,...

Writing Feedbackhoangdaochu - Nov 30, 2010EF_Kevin - Dec 16, 2010
Granny's dear lesson: U Texas essay

3 - wow this is a good essay. "She is already a big solace just by the face to be with...

Undergraduateylee11 - Nov 30, 2010davidkim25 - Dec 16, 2010
It takes a village to raise a child; children education for the community

3 - Very good feedback :-). Point noted, especially about the "etc." bit. Thanks a lot....

Writing Feedbacksubhash_ghosh - Dec 13, 2010subhash_ghosh - Dec 16, 2010
"My mother said: 'Don't Cry' and died"- UC prompt #2

5 - I think it'd be great if you answered the second part of the question: how does it relate to...

Undergraduateacsolo15 - Nov 29, 2010corgilover - Dec 16, 2010
Rev. Marial Madut, a person that has impact on my life

NEW - Rev. Marial Dut has made an impact on my life Some people come into our lives and leave footprints...

Undergraduatetunguoge - Dec 16, 2010 -
Toefl essay:Parents are the best teachers.

2 - the first sentence could be " Parent are best teachers to person instead of people, parent are best teachers...

Writing Feedbackpk1726 - Dec 16, 2010tunguoge - Dec 16, 2010
how editorship helped me discover career goals - UW prompt

3 - thanks courreign! I actually had "in charge" and then changed it to directive because I wanted to sound LESS...

Undergraduatelehcar3 - Dec 16, 2010lehcar3 - Dec 16, 2010
"Art is my Life"-Autobiographical essay for Buffalo state

2 - the competition for the state-wide high school directory cover. Realizing I want to make art for a living...

Undergraduatesonyfortuna - Dec 14, 2010coeurreign - Dec 16, 2010
I will be someone someday as my father wanted me to!

NEW - Tut Gai 11/22/1980 Essays Topic B Under tree classroom My parents were cattle headers and farmers neither of...

Writing Feedbacktunguoge - Dec 16, 2010 -
"adopted...attempted to connect to my roots" UC #2

3 - - neither of us trusts a square burger. Awesome... you are cool... Capitalize Internet. This essay is...

UndergraduateGoldfishUnnie - Nov 30, 2010EF_Kevin - Dec 15, 2010
"mixed-Asian ethnicity...career goal with afterschool enrichment programs" UC #1

4 - I agree! Here is a place you can improve efficiency: I have been v Volunteering with various...

UndergraduateGoldfishUnnie - Nov 30, 2010EF_Kevin - Dec 15, 2010
Activity, interest, experience, or achievement in your life -- FAMU Essay

2 - Taking a chance can change your future. This doesn't seem like a strong enough intro. Don't get me wrong,...

UndergraduateWillieD - Dec 15, 2010coeurreign - Dec 15, 2010
The thriving Cold Cone Creamery Franchise in California

2 - The speaker avers that Cold Cone Creamery Business will... Also, the statement further prompts people to avail themselves...

Writing Feedbacksubhash_ghosh - Dec 13, 2010EF_Susan - Dec 15, 2010
"the weather seemed more predictable from year to year" - Global Warming Essay

2 - The occurrence of natural disasters has increased, and seasonal weather has become irregular. There are two sides to...

Writing Feedbackdanielle94534 - Dec 13, 2010EF_Susan - Dec 15, 2010
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