Undergraduate /
The Summer of 2001 changed my life completely. UF essay [2]
"The
SummerAs this is neither a proper noun nor the first word of a sentence, it should not be capitalized. of 2001 changed my life completely.
(New paragraph.) It was rather exciting how I was ...
... rode their bicycles a
, nd of course, walked. Clothing was pretty
similar ; they even had brands ...
... I understood most of the conversations people were
having, but it still made me feel like an outsider.
... I felt awkward and felt I
didn'tAvoid contractions in formal academic writing. belong. Even at the age of
10The general rule in academic writing is that if the number is between one and ten, write it out; if it is 11 and over, numerals are acceptable. years old, I was well-liked in the United ...
... and eating at the local restaurants (which I ended
up loving ). I eventually understood Chinese (...) I was no longer
assumed an introvert.
During my stay, I got to know ...
My grandfather had a deep
converWhat is the intent here? how my mother met my father.
... and how their hard work
still goes unnoticed.
... jobs as a cook at a Japanese
restaurant and a seamstress at an interior ...
That night, I was watching
M*A*S*H on TV and one of the characters said...
... I would be able to fulfill my parents' hope
s for me to receive (...) exceptional grades AND to never take the blessings from my family
&Avoid using abbreviations and symbols such as this in academic writing. God for granted.
... to success by taking AP
& college
preparatory courses and being an extrovert (...) Interact Club
, and other various ...
... and a waitress which requires
youAvoid using the pronoun "you" in academic writing; try using "me," "I," or "one" instead. to be outgoing, enthusiastic
, and helpful.
... at the University of Florida studying
Education, hopefully teaching Chinese as a foreign language.
You do a great job of explaining your background, but what about the "... and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community" part of the prompt? More specifics as to this should be included in the piece.