Writing Feedback / SAT essay: Is censorship sometimes justifiable? [10]

According to the United Nations , human rights ...

move ratings movie ratings

I think body paragraph #1 is the weak one. Do you know that saying about knowing your history so that you are not doomed to repeat it? For Japan or any other country, national pride is NOT a good reason to justify censorship. The whole point of free expression is to preserve truth. It is no good to pretend atrocities did not happen.

censorship is necessary to preserve national pride

Th rest of the essay is brilliant, and I see that you write very well. The only part I take issue with is the nationalism part. It would be nice if the world consisted of a single, great nation.

:-)

Graduate / MBA Career Goals Essay: Transportation Engineer (Civil Service, Government) [10]


I wonder if you are aware of how beautifully constructed these sentences are! You write so well, even as you tell us that it is difficult for you!

These sentences above make a great start to an essay, though I think you should add an insightful sentence prior to these. For example:

Having taken the first few steps into the career of my choice, I am now finding new interests and being sent in a slightly different direction. I am a Transportation Engineer (Civil Service, Government) with an advanced degree in Civil Engineering and eight years...

I just read these ideas from Jansen, and they are great. I'll add that I think the most important thing to do is give a detailed explanation of your CLEAR plan for the future. That is what separates the high achievers from the crowd -- a clear action plan.

Book Reports / Compare and Contrast Essay About "The Giver"-Feedback [2]


I think you should add one more sentence to the end of the first paragraph, before you start paragraph 2. Add a sentence, after this one above, and make it a thesis statement that tells the main point of the whole essay. Draw YOUR conclusion about what can be learned from looking at the sims and differences.


Instead of wasting words simply saying "here are some similarities," you should say something meaningful about the similarities. For example, "The similarities between Jonas' community and the United Islands demonstrate _________________________, so that the reader can get a sense of _______________. (i.e. say something meaningful)

All one sentence:
Although there are some ways United Islands and Jonas' community are the same, there are a lot more ways Jonas' community and United Islands are different differences than similarities.

:-)

Speeches / Speech on : Life and Gifts, help editing my speech [9]

You are making good points, and I see that you are trying very hard, but YOU have to come up with the ideas. All I can do is help with the English Grammar and with improving the presentation.

Life is indeed a gift, because we did not do anything to deserve it. However, in Buddhism it is said that in life there is suffering. So, we have gifts and we have suffering. Whenever we find some freedom from suffering, that is a gift, too.

My advice for you is like this:
The essay is too simple, because it is saying, "Appreciate what you have." Everyone knows that they should do that, but we have trouble doing it. Therefore, go speak to a person who is suffering, someone who is sick or poor or grieving the loss of a loved one. Ask that person what their advice would be for people who cannot appreciate the good things they have. Write a paragraph about your interview with a homeless person, a sick person, or a grieving person.

Then, go interview someone who helps to heal people -- a priest or counselor or social worker.

Add some discussion of these interviews to your speech, and it will be an impressive, fascinating speech.

Essays / learn about essay, my self in interview in my career in finance [7]

Everyone in this thread is so cool! Thanks for making this a great thread. Rozie, I hope we can make you a tremendous success.

Start by telling us 5 thing about yourself as an aspiring finance professional. Actually, here is one I will give you:

1.) I am an aspiring finance professional with knowledge of _______, ________, ________, and ________. ----- If you list 3 or 4 things in one sentence, it will be a powerful sentence.

2.)
3.)
4.)
5.)

Tell us 4 more things about yourself, and we can help you to use perfect words. Do not just talk about what you already have done. Also tell us about what you are now doing and what you want to do in the future.

:-) I'm glad you are participating in this forum!

Writing Feedback / Music and art in school essay [6]

In conclusion, undoubtedly, this is the era of computers and science.

Therefore, schools must be flexible enough to offer all subjects, including music, drama, and art .

By doing so, we can produce versatile students who can shine in both the sciences and the arts.---- this last sentence is very nicely written, though I made a small change.

Nice job! I agree with your points, too.

Writing Feedback / ESSAY- Comment on freedom on choice of clothing in schools - FEEDBACK [2]

No comma necessary here:
School is the place which lays foundation ...

progress or their overall personalities .

My opinion is based on several reasons, but there are two conspicuous ones which I want to elaborate in this essay.

Lengthen the conclusion by discussing the implications of these 2 points you have made and by talking about precisely what should be done. Make that last para at least 3-5 sentences long.

:-)

Writing Feedback / Should crimes committed many years ago be forgotten? - Essay writing advice [7]


You writ beautifully! I am impressed. With this sentence above, I think you are referring to what is called "deterrence." It might be good to specify that you are talking about punishment of crimes in order to deter others for committing crimes. I know what you mean, but maybe you could add a phrase about deterrence to make it clearer.

You capitalied an "I" here inappropriately
... even If they were committed...

For criminals who have already been put on trial, and have served or ...----- trial is not a verb.

Nevertheless, our judicial systems are only as sound as the men people who make it up.---- be careful not to write in a way that marginalizes women! :-)

Many Chinese, especially the older generations, are still unable to neither forget nor or forgive----------------- you can write "... are able to neither forget nor forgive..." or you can write, "...unable to forget or forgive..."

but don't write "unable to neither"

and as a deterrent for all aspiring law breakers.--- i see you included this important word, "deterrent" in the essay, but use it in that first paragraph as well.

great job!! I hope you will help lots of people with their essays, because I think you have a special talent for writing. Are you bilingual?

Student Talk / SAT Site, a website for getting exams and books for free? [14]

I hope some other people have good answers for you, but I want to tell you that I think the best thing to do is use good search terms with google. What kinds of things are you looking for? Please be more specific, and in the meantime, I will ask some EF contributors to visit this thread and tell what they know! :-)

Scholarship / Temple admissions: where do i see myself in 10 years?; scholarship foundation [12]

The most important thing is to be specific about what you want to be doing in 10 years. You NEED to be able to fill 10 pages with such an explanation. I think I could fill 100 pages with my idea of what I want to do in 10 years. You should start by making a list of the important things -- related to your career -- that you want to be doing. Your life is worth more than a few hundred words. Add a paragraph about another aspect of your envisioned career. :-)

Writing Feedback / People are moving in to the big cities for more comfortable and convenient life [10]


this part is tricky, because "an increasing number" is singular, so you have to say "is" instead or "are." But that would not sound right in the sentence either! So do this:

In many countries, the number of people are moving to big cities from small towns and villages is increasing.

Jesslyn, you are so cool! Thanks for contributing so much time to this thread!

I have another idea: In the last sentence of that first paragraph, list the points you will make:
I personally feel, this is a positive move, despite some drawbacks, because of ________, ________, and __________. (all you have to do is list the topics covered in the essay)

:-)

Graduate / "a career in mental health, substance abuse" - Graduate Admission Statement help [3]

I often wandered wondered why I never said ...

hen one day one of the girls asked me about her and her boyfriend and I just politely told her about my attitude: Why even fight over the boys when all they want to do is just use you? I told her that she was better than that.

I mean it has sent me in the direction that I was meant to go.

I have some weakness that concern me, but I know that with the help of the faculty at Argosy that I will achieve every goal. One of my weaknesses is a lack of experience with diverse populations, and a lack of the knowledge about how to deal with various groups.

I want to be able to help each and every person I encounter.

My pastor told me that I wouldn't let diversity into my home. --- what do you mean by this?

... is a big step, but I think GOD has already been preparing me for just such a time. I just want ...

Very nice! I can tell you are truly inspired. You seem to be a person who knows what it is like to struggle and someone who truly wants to help others. we are lucky to have people like you participating in essayforum.

Speeches / Speech on : Life and Gifts, help editing my speech [9]

Good morning class I'm here today to talk about life and gifts
(sounds a little too much like a teacher, "Good morning class, today we will talk about long division...")

A lot of people think that their lives are hard, but its life is not so hard. Actually a life to live that you probably are

right now is a gift. Why do I say that? It is because if you look at all these other continents, and all these other cities, you would see all these homeless people; you would see people who starve to death, such as those in Africa. Theres something called children slavery, where they have to work at ages as low as 5. Your lives are ...

You know, of the people in Africa, I bet 98 percent of them would give their lives up to live ours. And 98 percent of ...

Dont take this as like I'm crazy, but you know what I'm making a point here because a lot of people think that each day their lives are hard, and they are not at all.

I think you should include some statistics to help make your point. Also, you should get more specific about the kind of life that you are calling a gift. Are you taking about having needs met and having reliable work, honest work? The opportunity to living simply is something to be thankful for, even if you are not rich. I think this is similar to what you are saying.

To make your outline, just look at the points you make and list them:

I Life is a gift
a. some people are born into slavery.
b. people in poor countries would give up their lives to life ours.
c. if your parents are still married, you are lucky.

Research Papers / can someone help me with my research paper of against death penalty? [8]

Great topic!! I know some article that will help you. specially the one I'll put in bold:

Dezhbakhsh and Rubin. (2003). Does capital punishment have a deterrent effect? New evidence from postmoratorium panel data. American Law and Economics Review 5(2): 344-376.

Macnamara, D. (1964). "Statement against Capital Punishment." The Death Penalty in America: An Anthology. Bedau, ed. Chicago: Aldine Publishing.
Phillips, S. (2009). Legal Disparities in the Capital of Capital Punishment. Journal of Criminal Law and Criminology, 99(3), 717+.
Sunstein and Vermeule. (2005). Is capital punishment morally required? Acts, omissions and life-life tradeoffs. Stanford Law Review, 58(3), 703+.

No, Capital Punishment is Not Morally Required: Deterrence, Deontology, and the Death Penalty

Carol S. Steiker--- this one is my favorite.

:-)

After reading one article, write a paragraph. After reading the next, write another. Soon, a paper will come together before your eyes. Write the intro paragraph last!!

Speeches / Speech on : Life and Gifts, help editing my speech [9]

Hi! I hope you had good luck with it today. If you are still working on it, you should start with a list of ideas. An outline can really cause you to become "blocked." Just use a list. What do you mean about life and gifts?

You'll need about 800 words to cover 3 minutes.
List several points you want to make, and when the list has 6 or 7 points, ask yourself what is my main idea for the whole thing?

Whatever it is, write about it at the beginning and also the end of the speech.

One paragraph = one idea. Make it so that each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that expresses one of those 6 or 7 points. Then, use the rest of the paragraph to explain. It gets really EASY when you start thinking about it as 6 or 7 little single-paragraph essays. So, make your 6 or 7 points, and frame it between a graceful intro and conclusion.

:-)

Dissertations / Help with identifying a specific and feasible research project in Bio safety [2]

You have tons of options, obviously, and you also have more knowledge in this field than I have, but I do have an idea for you: grounded theory.

You can use "mixed methods," which means your surveys will produce quantitative info (i.e. numbers) as well as qualitative info (i.e. you can include a "qualitative survey interview" which consists of open ended questions, and then use grounded theory's "constant comparison" method to analyze their responses.

Grounded theory seems complex at first, but if you spend one whole day reading studies that use it, as well as googling around, you can become an expert quickly! Google these:

grounded theory
mixed methods
qualitative survey interview
likert scale
core category grounded theory

My idea is for you to distribute surveys to others in your line of work to gain their perspectives as well as some data. List a few research questions that are timely (i.e. they are important questions at this time in history.

Read lots of recent articles to make sure you are not doing something that has been done before.

:-)

Poetry / ESL art poem - Mona Lisa [9]

Your teacher obviously does not know what a poem is. Please recommend EssayForum to him, so that I can explain to him the purpose and nature of poetry.

This poem achieves something that many poets cannot achieve, and it helped me to see the painting in a new way. More importantly, it helped me to see a moment of your own contemplation.

I hope you will link the teacher to this page so s/he can see that other teachers disagree with the negative assessment. If you had been assigned to write a descriptive essay, you would be wrong, but because this is poetry the teacher is wrong.

I wonder what kind of poem the teacher wrote about the Mona Lisa. I wonder if that poem could impress me the way yours did!

Speeches / im writting a oral presentation about myself! [7]

First of all, I would like to introduce about myself.

I'm the elder sister, and my younger sister made my childhood days more joyful.

Im allergic to seafood, and I cant be exposed to the sun for too long or my face will become as red as tomato.

My hobby is reading. I have been devoting the majority of my free time to doing what

Can a man exist without a dream? Hardly ever. My biggest dream is to travel around the world. I believe that a man's (stop saying "man"... say person, because girls are just as important as men.) ...education is not complete until she or he has visited all foreign lands. I wish to explore the world in order to satisfy my curiosity towards all the strange and wonderful things. around the world.

At last, I'm who I am. I'm being my ...

Nice!! This is a pretty great speech, and I think you'll make a good impression!!

Writing Feedback / Marine Pollution Introductory paragraph [2]

Source of survival is a strange phrase. It might be better to write:
Water is the most crucial factor for the survival of...

But, something is really wrong with some of the sources of water on which every living things depend.

The major causes of marine pollution are oil spills, industrial disposals and Carbon dioxide absorption.--- This makes me think the essay will be about these three topics. Is that what you are doing? If so, this is great, though a little boring and obvious. You might find a way to make your essay unique by making an observation that others may not have made. If you find a way to do this, you can add a little to this thesis statement to make your original point.

:-)

Essays / Question on Style - dividing points to paragraphs? [4]

Yep, I agree that it is best to split them into 2. I like paragraphs to be about 100 words. People's attention can get all fouled up, and they have trouble experiencing what you want them to experience as they read.

For question 2, it is a matter of using a key word from the last sentence of the previous paragraph to introduce the next paragraph as a transition.

(new paragraph, for example)
By using the method described above to make a transition, you can lead the reader's attention along gracefully. Just choose a good word or phrase to use again in the first sentence of the paragraph that'll be developing a point from the previous paragraph, and ...

In the example above, I used the word transition to make a graceful transition.

Undergraduate / Peace Corps Admissions Essay, reasons for wanting to serve [2]

This part is weak:
In addition to wanting to help others, I know this will be a great opportunity for me as well .
I would change it like this:
In addition to wanting to help others, I know this will be a great opportunity for me to immerse myself in another culture and ____________________. (something specific).

Use a comma to separate the 2 halves of a compound sentence:
I have always had a strong urge to travel, and this is one way to fulfill my desire.

Peace Corps is the embodiment of the lessons I learned in--- no, embodiment is something a little different. You might be needing the word... um... ah! I am not sure...

The Peace Corps is the manifestation of ideals similar to the ones I learned in...

:-)

Scholarship / Economic forecasts - briefly discussion of proposed research areas [3]

Yes, I think Jon might have been talking about this number agreement problem:
Forests are important economic resources; they provide commercial and ...

Also, here is another correction:
Problems associated with forest resource scarcity are nowadays apparent in our country.

Taking up Master of Science in Forestry majoring in Forest Resource Management and specializing in Forest Resource Economics will broaden my knowledge about how to address one of the issues our country is facing at (name specific issues:...how to address issues such as _______, _____, and ______.

As a Research Assistant, I worked on three different research projects encompassing theoretical, analytical and field work that dealt with the fields in resource economics, social development and GIS. I want to ...

Okay, but you need to discuss specific research ideas. For example, you can use qualitative research to find out what would motivate stakeholders to take action and conserve resources. You can use quantitative methods to produce statistics about important aspects of conservation. Read some research articles, and think about how they designed their projects. Propose a few projects you would like to do, such as case studies, surveys, and so forth.

:-)

Writing Feedback / My hero, Terry Fox born in Canada [3]


Yes, that is true. It seems that Namon is struggling to improve her/his English, though, so let's help make corrections:

First of all, they are an ordinary people, This does not make sense.

One day, he found his right knee swollen and painful while playing basketball. The doctor who checked him told him that he had cancer. He was 22 years old while (Itthi ???) was born in Thailand. He was a singer. When he was 27 years old, he sang at night club until he met his manger who asked him to record his album. After that he felt an ache in his belly, and then he went to the hospital. The doctor who checked him told him that he had cancer (at last period What does this mean? Does it mean he was in the final stages of cancer and that he was going to die?). He was 49 years old.

I can't wait to see you improve your writing by participating here at EssayForum. :-)

Graduate / I have always dreamed of having a job where I could care for and help others [11]

...that would allow enable me to help and care for others.

This desire influenced me as I got ...


Is it true that a PS is allowed to diagnose? I am not sure that it is. Just double check that if you are not sure. Also, this sentence appears at the end of the first paragraph, so it plays an important role. I wonder if another sentence would be better; for example, you can add one more sentence after this one... a sentence that captures the main idea of the essay... the idea you want the reader to remember.

there is an emotional aspect to health ---- very good! So take some psych courses.. Great observation!!

Here is a suggestion:
If I am allowed to become a physician's assistant, I believe I would will be able to care for others to the best of my ability and make a difference in many peoples' lives.

Research Papers / how should i write my introduction for an essay on celiac disease? [3]

Jon, that's great advice.

I think this is a case where it is VERY important to wait until all the body paragraphs are written before writing the intro. Write it at the end!

For now, read an article and write a paragraph; read another and write another. You are only making progress when you are typing, so type, type, type. Organize later.

Furthermore, who introduces a speaker before the speaker comes on stage? It must be someone who knows all about the speaker. The speaker is like your essay: introduce the essay fter all boy paragraphs are written, and then YOU will easily know what to say in the intro.

And here is a revelation about the conclusion that I had a few months ago: The conclusion reiterates the thesis statement from the intro and then DISCUSSES ITS IMPLICATIONS.

:-)

Writing Feedback / Parents should encourage their high school students for part time jobs ! [4]

Working twenty years at an inconsequential job may not give as much satisfaction as a highly prolific and demanding job can offer in ten years.


Mona, I think you gave great feedback here; thanks!!!

I don't understand some of the sentences in the essay; for example, I feel that this sentence below should be revised this way:
Time is money; I feel that parents should not encourage discourage their children from keeping a part time job or weekend job because any type of work requires a lot of hard work and efforts.

...but i am not sure if I interpreted it correctly.

Oh, wait! I see that you are saying it is better for students to NOT have a job. Okay, forget about my above comment; I'm sorry for the confusion.

Below, I'll add a semi-colon, add the word "the," and change the pelling of sole (soul is like spirit, or soulful music, but sole means "single"

Completion of a diploma or degree should not be the soul sole goal for students; acquiring good grades is most important and is also helpful for getting into higher studies or most demanding job.

Subsequently, it takes away lot of energy and time...

As there is famous saying: "Sailing in two boats will take you no where." This means we should do what is required at that particular stage.

:-)

Undergraduate / Entrance of Pharmacy School Essay (need to make briefer) [6]

My goal is to continue my role in the field of pharmacy by while advancing my studies so that doors of opportunity will open to me. Many roles that can be played by a pharmacist in the 21st century, but I am especially interested in helping people to make educated decisions about their health. Like most curious and conscientious consumers, I like to know the mechanisms of action, the indication, and the side effects associated with the brands that I consume. Thus, I look forward ...

This deserves to have its own paragraph:
The possibilities are endless in the pharmacy field, and I want to explore the all options so that ...

Essays / I have to write a satarical essay about modern day life [3]


I agree! This is a good topic. But there are others, too.

I hope you came up with something great to hand in, but if you did not, I suggest reading other satirical works. Google this:
satirical essay example.

Choose a topic you can get inspired about. For example, maybe you are interested in the way humanity is on the brink of self-destruction. With our industrial pollution and nuclear weapons, we are ready to destroy ourselves. We have already caused the extinction of millions of species!

Start your essay with a topic sentence that you will use at the beginning of paragraph 2. Then, add more explanation and sarcastic comments. Make sure the paragraph is all about that idea.

then, move on to the topic sentence for paragraph 3.

Each paragraph of 4-5 sentences might be about 100 words, so you need 6 body paragraphs. Then, go reread them and think of a cool intro paragraph.

Finally, consider the implications in a sarcastic, (maybe funny) conclusion paragraph.

Writing Feedback / "I had a blood disorder" - help with Descriptive Personal Essay [3]

... I was told by my Ob obstetrician that I was...

I think you made great progress! That moment is references in the intro, and then you give it a large paragraph right in the middle of the essay. I think this will be a success! As you continue to revise and improve, take out unnecessary details. For example, "sitting by the pool at the condo" is not about the moment. The moment happens in the Dr.'s office. Take out details that tax the reader's attention and detract from the experience of that significant moment.

I'm glad it turned out to be less scary than you thought!! It must have still caused you a lot of fright and difficulty, though!! Anyway, that is where wisdom comes from.

Essays / Cigarette/alcohol ads, personality vs experience, energy - argumentative essays [2]

No, you can't avoid learning how to do it. You have to learn how. I wonder if you are struggling to learn the English language. If so, I want to help!

You should try to write about cigarette and alcohol advertising. Start by writing three sentences. Each sentence should express a different idea about the question. For example,

In a democracy, cigarette and alcohol companies should have freedom of expression.
Now write an example and some other sentences about democratic free expression. Google the words if necessary. Complete a whole paragraph (4 or 5 sentences) about this.

Here is another sentence to get you started with another paragraph:
Cigarettes and alcohol cause millions of deaths every year.
Now write an example and some other sentences about democratic free expression. Google the words if necessary. Complete a whole paragraph (4 or 5 sentences) about this.

Always just start with a topic sentence and then try to complete the paragraph.

Good luck! I can't wait to see your essay!

:-)

Writing Feedback / SAT: even though having a good leader is important, we should not blindly follow his decision [5]

We can avoid awkwardness by using a hyphen:
For society to function without chaos, a good leader -- to guide the rest in the correct direction to achieve common goals -- is essential.

Had Madoff's unscrupulous actions been questioned sooner, such debilitating situations could have been avoided.--- excellent sentence!!!

You'll do very well; this has great structure. Keep reading the work of 1.) Dianna Hacker and 2.) Strunk and White ... these teachers' guidance will make you an expert writer.

:-)

Writing Feedback / Equal number of students:IETLS essay [4]

Nowadays the indispensable role of education in human life cannot be overlooked, and knowledge seekers tend to be more sophisticated academically.

Meanwhile, some like to graduate in order to become experts in any field of study, which affects society significantly.

For instance, men are often more interested in civil and mechanical engineering, while women's desires are oriented toward nursing, and as a statistical example, less than 10 percent of Cambodian women are interested in technological fields. lbeit, it assumably might be predicted in a higher rank this sentence makes no sense.

It is important to remember that women may be overrepresented in fields like nursing and teaching, while remaining underrepresented in other fields, as a result of oppresion i a society. It is not necessarily that some would not enjoy work as engineers, but rather, they have been steered toward "women's professions" from a young age.

At last, it can be concluded that, Point in admissions of knowledge-seekers which has to be paid attention is not either equality or quantity. here is another sentence that I do not know how to fix! I am not sure what you mean...

Therefore, concentration on students' past educational experiences and resume quality is most significant.

My opinion is that development in _______ (development in what?) makes more sophisticated students who will have more influence on society, market , industry, and so forth.

:-)

Writing Feedback / Music and art in school essay [6]

School is a place for student's students' overall ...

Name_here, thanks for the great work you have been doing!! It makes the forum a better place. Please check out essayforum.com/ef-contributor-page

Conspicuous is indeed an awkward word choice, though it means something similar to "obvious" in this context, which is not bad. I suggest replacing it with a different adjective, though.

Another possible justification for including creative subjects in school is the promise of popularity and prosperity.

In conclusion, undoubtedly, this is the era of computers and science, but every individual is free to make...

:-)

Scholarship / Temple admissions: where do i see myself in 10 years?; scholarship foundation [12]

This is very impressive. I like the first paragraph a lot!!

2 year old two year-old

The foundation of our family is based on consists of our experiences at Temple.

Undergraduate / Course about which i had expectation which may not have been met [3]

steel steal

It is quoted by A famous quotation of Theodore Roosevelt reads, "Those who have...

Hey, I'm afraid I don't see the relevance of this quote. The meaning of the quote has to do with being realistic about education and what you do with it. Being educated does not necessarily make someone a good person; I think that is what he means. So, it is not really relevant to your essay!

:-)

I am impressed with the great feedback from name_here !!!

Sometimes we make decisions which we feel are the best for us, but the end result is not the one we expected.

There always come moments in life when we feel that we failed, but we should not lose our hopes; we must keep progressing without getting disappointed.

Faq, Help / EF Contributing is AWESOME...so how do i become one??!! [10]

Haha, no, there is no spooky test. Mickey has it right. Just accumulate 20 good threads in which you help others, and follow that link on the contributor page link at the bottom of the screen. I can see why it would be mysterious, though, if you had not noticed that link.

Grammar, Usage / Basics of research paper writing [8]

Great question! I think you should google this:
Dianna Hacker
Her website tells everything you need to know!

My advice is like this: Write the body paragraphs first:

- Start by finding sources that will work well for your topic.

- As you finish reading each article, write a sentence to tell what the author's main idea was. PAy close attention to her intro and conclusion sections.

- Start each paragraph you write with a topic sentence. What follows the topic sentence? Explanations and examples in the body of the paragraph.

- Each paragraph might be around 100 words, and 300 words fit on an average page, so for a 10 page research paper you might need about 25 paragraphs.

- When the paragraphs are all written, it is time to GO BACK TO THE BEGINNING AND write the introduction. End the intro with a thesis statement.

- Go to the end and write the conclusion.

Google those bold words: thesis statement, body paragraph, topic sentence.

:-)

Graduate / Questions on Goal Statement and Work Description Essay [5]

Like many, I paid attention to health care reform debate during and since the 2008 presidential campaign, asking myself, Will health care costs skyrocket if more people utilize the health care system? ------ I like to use italics in a case like this.

Here is my suggestion; it is not the only way, but it is one idea for you:
I spent time to educate myself about the healthcare industry and its information systems. (now add a thesis statement that captures the MAIN TRUTH of your essay -- the point you want the reader to remember)

(then, start a new paragraph)
Paragraph 2 begins: "One of my long-term goals is to obtain ..."

In the last 15 years, I worked for variety of companies that included big...

add a comma to this compound sentence:
I have ruled out MBA, because I am more interested in business management of technology than general business administration and planning.

:-) I am pretty impressed! I think any reader would be impressed by your focus and detailed self-analysis. It would be good to see a little more discussion of your detailed plan for the future.

Essays / How Do i write an academic essay (I write like a journalist..) [4]

Hmmmmmm.... well, ask them what they mean! Sometimes people give feedback based on insufficient understanding. To write like a journalist is great. Journalists write the way they do because it works. Grab the attention, make an assertion or announcement, and then use several paragraphs to describe each aspect of it.

A journalist is supposed to be neutral and objective, and so is an academic writer.

If you are getting negative feedback, perhaps people think the writing is too informal. The only way to improve is to read lots of articles that are examples of the type of writing this school approves of.

Please try to tell me how your professor's articles are different from your writing. That's where you'll find your answer.

In academic writing, it is important to make a clear thesis statement, back it up with evidence in the body paragraphs, and then discuss the IMPLICATIONS in the conclusion.

:-) Please post some of your writing! I'm intrigued by the question.

Research Papers / Research paper: Which tense to use when describing well established tests? (APA) [6]


Yes, the passive voice helps when we need to use the third person perspective, as most work (at least quantitative work) requires. However, instead of passive voice you can use this: "The researcher"

(i.e. "The researcher distributed surveys to 100 people.")


yes, in this kind of case, you can switch tenses right in the middle of a paragraph.
You can even switch tenses in the middle of a sentence:
"The researcher used a survey that enables respondents to rate their feelings about..."

You are right. It is okay to use the present tense in that situation.

This is correct, as far as I know:
"The degree of nicotine dependence was assesed by means of the Fagerstroem Test for Nicotine Dependence. Six items concerning nicotine consumption and craving for nicotine yield a score between 0 and 10 points to indicate the severity of nicotine dependence"