Writing Feedback / Should children start learning foreign language as soon as they start school [2]

In my opinion, it will be of great importance to study a non-native language as soon as we go to school.start schooling.


... this sentence is meaningless and also pretty confusing :(
First of all, the knowledge of a foreign language would be very important in today's highly globalized wold.


This type of sentences sound pretty redundant. Avoid having redundant sentences as they tend to make the reader bored.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay - The option to work or study from home is advantage or disadvantage [7]

On the one hand, the benefit that professionals or students get by connecting from home is enormous. For one,First, it helps working people to maintain work lifea proper balance betwen work and family life. The best example is the newa mother with a newly born baby . whoShe can joindo her work as well as take care of her baby.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL writing; I'm against providing more money to professors [5]


You cannot have too many opinions on one issue. Your opinion should be either agree to the statement or not.

Writing Feedback / GRE Issue Essay: Kindly check the response and advice accordingly. [6]

This is just a small tip to practice at the exam - Leave a blank line between your paragraphs as it is pretty difficult for the reader to understand the different parts of your essay. Your examiner too might experience the same difficulty and therefore it is better if you improve the presentation of your overall essay. Without any doubt, you display excellent writing skills :) So, present your essay to be more appealing :)

Undergraduate / Study Abroad Essay- Study Statement; As a person of French descent... [4]

By experiencing another culture and being placed outside one's comfort zone, studying abroad can allow one to grow as an individual.

As international relations major, studying abroad provideswould provide me with a host of benefits both academically and on a personal level.

Well, I think you need to include points that talk about you more specifically.

Undergraduate / 'Dutch - my mother language' - Application Essay for University of Cincinnati [4]

Ever since I had learned the basics of Dutch vocabulary, my mother languagemother tongue, at the age of two; my mother and grandmother taughtbegan to teach me to speak and understand French. Both of them too, had been able to speak the language at a very young age as well.

This was a privilege gavegiving me a head start on the other pupils as I was able to concentrate on all the other classes instead of struggling to learn a new language.

Writing Feedback / CBEST- Imagine yourself as a child... (personal experience essay) [4]


Feeling excited, I would follow her to explore those beautiful walking paths.


We used to pretend to be so adventurous.


Lia was very good at math and she often taught me how to solve a more complex math problem.

Writing Feedback / Is Censorship Always a Bad Thing? [5]

:) I just did a little bit of editing to see whether you like it or not. Since you like my editing, let me help you with a lil more :D

Is censorship always a bad thing ?


Are there any situations where censorship is necessary and fully justified?

In fact, there are a number of timesoccasions that requireswhen censorship use is valid , like protecting children from obscene and harmful materials.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: improve health by increasing sport facilities; 'regimen of nutrition' [6]

This sentence is too long and therefore less interesting. Do not write very lengthy sentences as they get you carried away at the end of the line. You have several spelling mistakes too. Pay attention to your spelling because such errors may steal your marks. Also, pay attention to the approach suggested by dumi. Your body paras need to contain specific examples to support your reasoning.

Writing Feedback / Is Censorship Always a Bad Thing? [5]

When you hear the word "censorship", what comes to your mind?
Do you think of oppressive governments and dictatorships using it as an instrument of manipulationto manipulate ?
These are common images of censorship, all of which are correct, but they paint a negative picture of the issue, making it seem as though censorship is an entirely evil entity that only destroys.only destroys our freedom.

Essays / Ethical dilemma experienced, essay ideas needed [10]

The best source of information on this topic is Google. Why not google to gather material to stuff in your essay. :D
I found the following link when I searched on this ;
listverse.com/2007/10/21/top-10-moral-dilemmas/
You would find loads of similar threads and first, gather material, then decide on what you are going to use in your essay and then organize them in a logical order. Finally pen down on your draft and post the draft here for us to provide feedbacks for you :)

Writing Feedback / Not like my expected club; 'Art club is the best club I've joined' [4]

I wanteddecided to join the art club because I love art like drawing and painting. appreciate all forms of art, especially painting.


I was wondering what an amazing this new experience would be when I would be among many others who too share the same passion and interest as mine.


It would have been tolerable had she delayed the meeting once or twice, but she did that for more than three weeks.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: UK telephone calls - number of mins [3]

Where is the bar chart? You should have uploaded the image for us to have a closer look and provide you more relevant and meaningful comments. Upload the graph using the "Attch File(s)" feature in the Message Section (at the bottom).

It is clear thatOverall, local-fixed line was by far the most used telephone call type.
Since this is a task on assessing your report writing skills, better you an appropriate tone for report writing.

Scholarship / I am more than qualified for this scholarship;Why i should Get this scholarship [3]

Well, here you only express that you need the scholarship, but it does not really justify why you deserve this scholarship. You need to let them feel that you deserve winning it. So, tell why you need it - tell how difficult it is without this scholarship and also have more emotions in your writing for them to understand that you are committed to achieve your goals and this scholarship helps you in that task.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Your job brings you more happiness that your social life does [5]

In your body paras, you should give reasons to justify your opinion on the issue and then support them with specific examples.

Undergraduate / Room 209, where I studied Commercial Art and Advertising, was my sanctuary [3]


Well, I find all these things tell more general stuff and nothing specific about you. Your admission guys may have heard all these things million times and may get bored reading them over and over again. I wish you take more focus on to yourself. What is the place you are perfectly content? Why that place make you feel so? Those are the primary things they would want to know to understand you as a person. So, you need to portray your personality through this favorite place :)

Writing Feedback / IELTS: animal experiments & animal rights [7]


What do you mean by this? Do you mean my suggestion on your intro and the conclusion were inappropriate? If you think so, I would like to know your points because they would help me understand whether I am advising people in the right direction. I hope you would explain why you feel so, if my suggestion were inappropriate. I am requesting you to do that in a positive spirit with curiosity to know why you think so :)

Writing Feedback / Some people believe that children's leisure activities must be educational [6]

In addition what dumi said above, it is always better to include your full prompt or the question together with your writing. It provides us a good understanding about what the question really requires from you and accordingly they can align their comments.

Firstly, being strong in physically strong is a precursor to a young person even forto perform better in educational activities as well.
In addition to this, non-educational doingsactivities enhance child'smentallymental capacity and, it is a blessing for a country's future.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: 'right proportion of raw materials'; Cement and Concrete production [5]

Yes of course.... Here it should be always the diagram and not graph or chart. There are six types of essays for this task;
1. Line graphs
2. Bar charts
3. Pie charts
4. Table
5. Flow chart
6. Diagrams (like this task)
There can be combination of these two - e.g. Line graph +bar chart

Writing Feedback / Should all young adults require to perform national services? [3]

Also, what is the purpose of writing this essay? Is this a practice essay for TOEFL or IELTS? If so, this essay may be too lengthy because those exams have a major bearing on time and you need to finish them in about 30 mins. If this is written for one of those exams, then you better cut down your body paragraphs. Follow dumi's approach as it is the best to earn a good score and save time as well :)

Writing Feedback / [Toefl] It is not necessary for university students to attend classes ...... [6]

Your writing is totally out of topic. You have not understood the prompt well. Read it carefully and try to understand what it asks you.


Ok, let's follow dumi's approach :)
Many universities are very keen on maintaining a high level of student attendance in the classes. (hook) However, some people argue that attendance should not be a mandatory requirement at tertiary level of education. They argue that the main objective should be passing the examination and if the students can manage that without attending classes, then they should be allowed to do so. (Background). In my personal view, I believe that it is necessary for the students to attend classes at the university for several important reasons. (Thesis statement)

Writing Feedback / IELTS: traditional skills and ways of life die out because of technology [5]


... this is the statement that explains the background of the issue.
Better present this as a statement subject to argument because you are supposed to tell the reader about your opinion on this.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Nature or nurture is more influential in children education? [5]

We inherit certain characteristics and our abilitiesskills from our parents.
Many great artists as well as musicians belong tocome from families who have the same skills they possess.that are with such artistic backgrounds.

On the other hand, people need to benurturedtraining to reach their fullest potential.

Writing Feedback / Watching movies vs. reading the original books [4]

Second of allSecondly , are nearlythe movie can take about maximumtwo hours and the film director cannot possibly accommodate every detail in the original book into the story line of the movie. Not only that the movie would exclude less sensational scenes to attract its audience, and so the producer of the movie will be forced to delete many scenes, which is very frustrationg .

Writing Feedback / GRE Essay: major cities study to learn characteristics of a society [5]

....let me too give my inputs for this ;
... well, the first line is fine as it directly relates to your topic. But your example is some what vague. Your topic is more focused on the fact that major cities provide people a good understanding about its society. So, talking about educational institutes in major cities is some what a vague evidence. Educational institute, for example the universities, do not necessarily represent the features of that particular society because they can even be branches of some foreign entities and can have the influence of those societies.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Are changes negative or positive??? [6]

Many people all over the world are tend to consider changes as a very positive trend, while others try to avoid them. ... Good approach for intro :)

In other words, after changing something it might be difficult to adapt into it the new environment and as a result, it may cause some very serious health problems.

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL WRITING] Technology create more problem than it solves? [6]


... very good hook :)


... I think you had meant "revolution", not "evolution" as evolution never stops. Evolution means "the gradual development of something" and Revolution means "an instance of revolving". There had been several industrial revolutions and new technologies do evolve almost every minute.

Further, I like if you improve the presentation of the second line in this background part of the intro.

Writing Feedback / Being a celebrity has plenty of benefits than downsides [6]

Alright :D ... What I gave you in my previous post is also a suggestion ....lol ....let's do a model intro for you;
Many people dream of becoming a celebrity (hook) However, being a celebrity is not always advantages and there are many issues that come along with fame. (background) Although celebrities have got to face such challenges, especially with regard to their privacy, I believe the advantages of being a celebrity outweigh the disadvantages (thesis statement)

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Children from poorer families are more successful in the future life. [7]


Hey... you've got feedbacks from at least three guys :D Something is better than nothing ....LOL
To begin with, children coming from poorer families are more prone to have bad habits such as: crime, thievery and thuggery.get into bad behaviors such as thuggery, stealing, drug addiction etc. due to the socio-economic pressures they face.

In conclusion, I disagree with the opinion that children who are brought up in less well-ofwell off families are, likely, more successful in the future life due to aforementioned reasons.

You write too well and that's why you get lesser number of comments :D

Writing Feedback / Problems overrellance on cars can cause/suggest at least one possible solution. [5]

becauseof all these causes,Due to these reasons, government needs to take certain actions to preventusing many cars and personal avtomobiles.discourage people of using private cars. First of all, government should increase public transportaiontransportation systemsmodels such as bus, cab, train and so forthetc.Therefore,theyThe government should also make them cheaperaffordable so that many people can use them. Secondly, petrol price should be more increased so,so that people might think before purchosewill be discouraged to use private vehicles. thirdlyThirdly, government should increase taxstaxes for driving private cars.

Writing Feedback / Both Working parents and problems faced and how does it effect family [7]

WhileWhen both parents are long gone for majoritynot around for most of the time during the day there would be no one to mpnitormonitor the activities of youndyoung children. First of all, one of the immediate problmeproblems would be that parents would have no idea of how a child has beenabout how their children performing in acadamicsstudies and by the time they would realize it would have beenbe toovery late.

You have lots of spelling errors :(

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: Visitor from and to UK [6]

I feel your OVERVIEW should have been shorter and less detailed and the detailed para should have contained more details and should have been longer.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Honey bees life cycle [4]

The first stage of the life cycle is startedoccurs when the queen layinglays 1 or 2 eggs once in 72 hours regularly. Then the eggs hatchwould be hatchedbetweenfor about 9 and 10 days to transformbefore they transform to nymph, immature form of an insect (stop here) Somesome parts of the eggs isare still surrounded in the nymph's body.

Writing Feedback / Line graph for the consumption and production of energy [3]


Well, I assume this is your Overview part of the essay. In the overview you explain the main trend without the support of any details.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: schools should provide equal financial support to different courses [3]


You open your introduction with an expression of your opinion. Here you assume that the reader knows about the issue. However, it is better to introduce the issue to the reader first and then state your opinion.

Writing Feedback / Traffic problems in city; new roads and railway networks, sub ways and skylines [5]


I see a problem with your thesis statement (highlighted above)
You need to express clearly to which extent you agree to the following statement;


.... so your final sentence in the intro should answer that and not about how to tackle the issue.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 - Write a letter to your manager asking for a training course [5]


.... You need to be more specific as to what you are going to study;
I am writing this letter in view of seeking your approval for attending the training course titled "Learn Chinese in English" which is offered by ABC Trainers, Singapore. I wish to explain the requirement of following this course and the details of the same for your consideration.

Book Reports / A Thousand Splendid suns; The novel occurs in Kabul with the anti-soviets [2]


The novel is based on a story about two Afghan women living in Kabul in the background of Anti-Soviet wars and the rise of Taliban regime.

Mariam who was born an illegitimate daughter whose father isof Jalili is forced at a young age into marryingthe marriage with Rasheed
Laila moved out to go and live with her loved one Tariq and Mariam had to sacrifice herself because she killed Rasheed.

Writing Feedback / Problems overrellance on cars can cause/suggest at least one possible solution. [5]


This sentence is very confusing and does not deliver a clear idea to the reader. The main problem is that it is pretty too long :(

Writing Feedback / Not believe everything in newspaper, it's form of business; the goal: gain money [4]


You need to improve the presentation of this sentence as it needs to act as an interesting hook that binds reader's attention to your writing ;

The newspaper is one of the main sources that people use to learn about what happens locally and internationally.


Well, it is good to use the first voice (the word "I") only at the end of your intro while expressing your opinion. Let the other parts be more general.