Undergraduate / Gym gave me a new found confidence; Common App/ Topic of your choice [3]

You write very well. And your sentences are very clear. But the idea of freaking out to go to a gym? hmmm.. To be honest as I was reading your essay I thought it might have been a job interview or something.

Writing Feedback / Cheating at examinations - Must find solutions for this problem! [3]


I believe that it is important to find a solution for this problem.

When one student cheats, it affects all the students in the class. Teachers will start to question the work done by other students as well, resulting in a negative learning environment. It is important to understand that the credibility of the entire class remains unquestioned only if the entire class is honest with their work.

Undergraduate / How to prevent another Crisis in the World (College of Arts and Sciences) [2]

My heart was set on Medicine and I believed I was going to bearenowned Doctor when I was older

The following Lesson,Mymyteacher decided to

sealed myInterestinterest in the subject

Apart for these small mistakes your essay is very good. :)

Scholarship / Career Goals : Corporate Responsibility (SCHOLARSHIP ESSAY) [3]

There are many people with generous hearts , whogive their moneyinwith thehopethat it would helpto feed the starving children,but the money they sacrifices end up inpocketsthe stomachof the heartless tricksters.

You have good points. Pay attention to grammar.

Undergraduate / Mr. Wong, my music teacher: Person who had a significant influence/Common App [4]

I like the way you write. Everything is very clear and tidy. It is a very good essay. Just a few hiccups here and there shown by the previous comment, but other than that it's very good. Best of luck to you. :)

Writing Feedback / Managing money is one of the most important skill for everyone; IELTS [4]

It is agreed that managing money is one of the most important skillsfor everyone


This sentence sounds a bit odd. I think its better to rephrase it.

Secondly, it istheresponsibility of parentsto teach children how important toit is toutilize money cautiously by giving thempractice .

Undergraduate / Like an antique picture of faded color- CApp/ An Ephiphany Moment/experience [9]


Mr. Dumi???? hehehe

I read your essay from top to bottom and I must say you have done an excellent job. Very neat and nicely constructed. And I like the way you write. Well done. :)

Writing Feedback / (IELTS essay) Corporal punishment to discipline children? [4]


It has become a controversial issue nowadays.


"secondly" would sound nicer.


I don't think you need to say "additionally" here.

Your essay is a good but I think you need to present it in a better manner. Otherwise the reader would lose interest.

Writing Feedback / Toefl:Television destroys communication among friends and family; Reasons & Examples [6]


I don't think you need to say "besides" here. It makes it sound a little odd.

First, it's true watching TV take a lot of your day,
First of all, it is true that watching TV takes a lot of your valuable time,

You have good points. :)

Undergraduate / 'Don't panic. You can do this.' I said to myself ; Common App [4]


... hehehe nice one.


it enables them to speed up by moving their legs freely.

I like your essay. You have presented your love for the sport beautifully. I think it's best if you post the prompt so that we can give you more accurate feedbacks.

Undergraduate / Career goals, efforts, and diversity [4]

You write nicely and your presentation is good. I like the way you have shown your love for learning new languages. But the prompt asks you how you have prepared yourself for your career. I can understand the connection you are showing between languages and being a doctor. But perhaps you should add more on the other stuff needed to be a doctor. Without them the language part sounds irrelevant. :/

Writing Feedback / iIelts essay;government should expand the road or car owners [4]


This sentence is not clear. better to rephrase it. :)


This sentence is too long and is very confusing. I think you need to work on your grammar and presentation. Without grammar and proper presentation the essay will fall apart.

Essays / Contrast the way young people today handle their money with their parents. [7]


There are many differences between young people and their parents when it comes to handling money. Or
The manner in which young people handle money is quite different to the way their parents do.


First of all, most parents are employed in the traditional work field, such as farming...


In addition, the salary of a parent is quite low compared to what young people earn.

Writing Feedback / Advantages of living in a big city; Jobs and Entertainment [6]

Many people like spending their free time in these facilities because it helps them to relax and bring them a lot of pleasure.

You bring a good point here but i don't think it's presented properly. Try rephrasing it. :)

In brief, it is generally believed that it is better for children to be brought up in the city not only because can it socialize them, but also because they can receive better education and have a better chance to get a suitable job.

Well I'm not really sure whether I can agree with you. Because it actually might be healthier to live in the countryside because the cities are polluted.

Writing Feedback / Science VS Religion - what is best for the people? [14]

no no it's just something I wrote for fun. It is an issue in the world that simply caught my eye. :) I'm neither really interested in science or religion that much. Bit of a free thinker. ;)

Writing Feedback / Global Concern over Global warming & Climate change [5]

Hmm yeah it does sound better but I think it's best to stick with just simply saying awareness of global warming would help man tackle it better. Or you must show how the lack of awareness leads to global warming. :)

Hope you figure it out. :)

Writing Feedback / We create our own happiness; What Makes me Happy [3]


Ummm.. This might just be me but this sentence sounds odd to me. Try rephrasing it.


Happiness is the only remedy for depression.

Lord Buddha once said "Happiness is the greatest wealth for man." Try including that in the essay.

Writing Feedback / past has value or no value? [5]


I don't quite understand what you mean by "brings up our soul". But that might just be me. :)

Without a past , there could not have been a present because it provided us with all the knowledge and information that brought us to the present

Try working on your grammar and read more essays. :)

Writing Feedback / Intentional tourism can promotes people to understand and respect other cultures [13]


There is something odd about this sentence. Try rephrasing it. :)


I do not agree with this opinion and I am strongly believe that tourism will help individuals learn and understand other cultures better.


If people are unaware of certain culture differences, it may make others feel uncomfortable or misunderstand the intention behind it.

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing- The student behavior problem causes and solutions [6]

This is a good essay. You have presented your argument properly and have constructed it well. :)

Maybe you could add a little bit more by talking about the recent student killings. And how easy it is for them to get addicted to stuff like drugs.

Writing Feedback / Global Concern over Global warming & Climate change [5]


Heat rays from the sun is what keeps the Earth warm. But if these heat rays get trapped in the atmosphere, they would cause the temperature to rise. Green house gases such as Carbon Dioxide, Methane, and Nitrous Oxide traps these heat rays and prevent them from returning to space. This results in global warming.


Another reason for global warming is the excessive emission of Carbon Dioxide to the atmosphere. Burning of fossil fuels is the main source of Carbon Dioxide emission.


I think you should present this idea in another way.

You have some very good points. :)

Undergraduate / I'm fairly clumsy; Letter to a Future Roommate for Stanford [4]

I like your letter. And I'm sure your roommate would be very interested in being.. uhhh.. well roommates with you. :P

Maybe you could cut down a little bit of the bacteria talk.

But it's still a good letter. :)

Undergraduate / May 24, 2012, my whole life changed; My Personal Statement [2]


but I knew I wanted to do something. It was a thirst that needed to be quenched.


I think you can cut off the "who I am today" part here.

You present your emotions well in the essay but I some parts are a little confusing.

Writing Feedback / IELTS essay : criminal who send to prison would commit crimes when set free [15]


They even suggest that these criminals should be dealt with the capital punishment

You have good writing skills but there is an issue with clarity. There are some parts I don not understand.

Undergraduate / was running for the president : EXPERIENCE-IMPACT ESSAY [3]

Is this something you really did? If so I would have taken off my hat if I was wearing one. ;) Very clever indeed.

I like the way you present your emotions. The essay sounds a bit like a conversation though. But it's still nicely done. :)

Undergraduate / I signed with Intellect Club; extracurricular activitieswork [4]


Remember that all the days of the week should actually start with a capital letter. Same goes for months.

I think it would be a good idea to tell the reader something that happened in one of those meetings that made you so interested in it.

Undergraduate / Mariam's Changes - change is a force that goes beyond our reach and is inevitable [2]


People may try to escape from it, but as hard as it is, change is a force that goes beyond our reach and is inevitable.


No matter what the circumstance is, a person will change their attitude, preferences and how they think about others and themselves.


I think the "occurred in her life" part is irrelevant.

Writing Feedback / I ate the candy eleven years ago but the bitterness and sweetness of life remains! [7]


The wind was bristling and roaring as I tucked my face back into my scarf and snuggled in order to prevent my cheeks turning red.

I think it would be easier and better had you written this in the past tense.

Undergraduate / "Tao Kae Noi!" they called me; WORLD I CAME FROM ESSAY [4]


My curiosity towards trucks was generated due to the familiar sight of my dad working with them.

I like your essay. You have presented your world well in the essay. It has a nice flow. And it is also well constructed. Well done. :)

Undergraduate / Diversity is not only race, ethnicity and gender / Colorado Boulder's Flagship 2030 [2]


... Good point.
Most people believe that diversity is all about race, religion and gender.


For me, diversity is one of the most important aspects of one's personal growth.

I like your essay. You present your arguments well. :)

Writing Feedback / (Ielts practicing) - It is common to leave home countries to study at universities abroad [6]


The number of students studying abroad has risen significantly in the past few years.


... This sentence is too long. Try to break it down.
Many big companies in Vietnam requires a foreign bachelor degree from their employees. This is due to the belief that the foreign educated students are more experienced than others.

You have good points. This is a good essay. :)

Writing Feedback / Without friends we can hardly survive [3]


Humans live in groups.

This is a very debatable topic. I don't think you can call somebody your friend if he/she is not there for you when your in need, but then again I don't think that you would be friends in the first place if you don't have fun together. Therefore I believe a friend should be a mix of both.

Writing Feedback / (IELTS essay) International tourism creates tensions in the host country [9]


Crafty sentence because you have said "if not well handled". :)

You have some very good points for your essay. And it is very nicely constructed.
Nice ending too. Well done. :)

Undergraduate / Surrounded by spices - Looking through the window ;Williams College [12]

Ah that's good to hear. :D

It would be a shame to cut down on your essay. But do be careful. Better safe than sorry right?? :)

Writing Feedback / Using mobile phone while driving should be banned [6]


....Good point. It catches the reader's eye.


Since you have said "cause" you will have to use the present tense.
Cell phones cause distraction and horrible accidents which even lead to death.

You have presented some very good facts that catches the reader's eye. Well done. :)

Undergraduate / Surrounded by spices - Looking through the window ;Williams College [12]

Your essay is very good. You have brought out your emotions really nicely. It is nicely constructed and very clear as well. But you are over the word limit which is a real shame because this is such a nice essay as it is. :/

Writing Feedback / Potential promblems that people face while Living Abroad; IELTS exam essays [8]


Some of them migrate to other countries, while others visit their relatives and acquaintances. The rest simply travel to experience the world.


Unfortunately most travelers have problems with the "culture shock" involved with travelling overseas.

You have some good points but I feel as if you need more detail.You need to express more on what to do about the culture shock.

Writing Feedback / I have some true friends! ; My memorable experience(s)" [4]

Ahhhhh now I understand what you meant. hehe.
Hmmm why not try to say it like this.

We decided to go in 2 separate groups. One group took the stairs and the other group waited for the elevator with the old couple. But unfortunately we did not realize that the elevator and the stairs lead to 2 different exits. The worst part was that no one had a mobile and so we didn't have any way of communicating with each other.

I hope this sounds better to you. :)

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Do you prefer to use the telephone or email? [8]

Oh shoot. I'm sorry about that. Cut the first "is more" part. I have typed that by mistake.


He was angry not because I wanted to quit the job, but because I had resigned by an email.


Angry person??? I think it is better if you rephrase that. :)

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Do you prefer to use the telephone or email? [8]


Although I admit that sending an email seems more convenient than making a call,


There are three reasons for me to prefer the telephone over emails.


Firstly it is much more time saving. Secondly is more it is more effective and thirdly, it is a btter way to express my feelings.