Very interesting. I think in order to make this essay stronger, maybe you could attack it by asking the question, "Why are these different racial groups separated during social activities, but can come together for financial success?" Maybe you can use this as a starting ground for your research interests and then explain how the NYC microcosm and resources that exists at Rutgers will allow you to really delve deeper into this and find some answers. -Admissions Advice Online
The first question that any reputable program will ask is..Why does he need a master's degree at this time without gaining some work experience. Have you completed an internship? Do you have any work experience? If not, you need to fully explain why they should provide you with further education in business. Talk about the differences between the two programs in terms of approach (other than ethics), opportunities and resources. As you may be well aware of, top banks are hesitant to hire a student that has no work or internship experience. If you goal is truly to go work for a multinational bank, please make sure you get this experience ASAP. - Admissions Advice Online
Spare the readers the story about how insatiable your appetite for learning is. It is really cheesy and done way too often. The rest of your essay is fine. You should expand on the aspects of these larger, more established colleges and how access to greater resources is something that makes transferring at this point something that needs to be done. -Admissions Advice Online
I have no idea why so many students have such a hard time answering this prompt correctly. "...SO central to your identity" means just that. It needs to be something, anything that is central to who you are. What you described here is a crutch. Using dancing as a method to overcome anxiety. So unless you break out into a dance every or most times that you need to overcome a situation, it is NOT central to your identity. Whatever you pick for this questions needs to be something that has really shaped the person you are now. It could be a recurring issue -for example- an amputee and how he/she deals with this reality each day, or an experience that has had continuous ramifications throughout your life --for example a near death experience...-Admissions Advice Online
I had a strong performance in Sciences and Mathematics back in high school, but no strong direction as to what I wanted to do in life. The usual route for students strong in sciences and mathematics in Bangladesh is to study engineering or medicine, and accounts of the returns one can have during their professional period with a degree in either field sounded appealing. Therefore, I took up electrical engineering as a major and hoped everything would proceed fine.
It took me a few months to realise that for the first time I simply could not enjoy the majority of the classes I took or the material I studied. My lack of interest in the subject meant chaos for me, particularly because I can only produce excellent results if something can captivate my interest. And the thought of having to do something I simply did not enjoy for a living frequently lead to bouts of frustration. As a result I was simply not involved in my studies the same way I was before joining university. I did do well in my classes, but not great.
Once again, a good SOP should ONLY come from a point of strength. Writing about any doubts on uncertainty is not advisable, especially in the opening paragraph. Everything you write needs to come from an angle of strength. For example...I was good in math and science and took up engineering....talk about why...give a concrete reason why you decided to study engineering. Do not say that I did just because that's what people do. Then talk about how you really enjoyed the courses that had aspects of Physics in them....this will be your tie in. Then you should go on to build your story, continuously weaving in aspects of Physics with your academic, professional, and personal life. At the end, the reader should get a sense of, yeah he did not study physics per se, but he has a well thought out journey that has prepared him for graduate level work at this time....Think about it this way. When writing these SOP's, it is important to think methodically. This should take you a few days to write correctly. If you can write this in less than 2 hours, it is probably not strong enough. -Admissions Advice Online
So, being self taught will just not work on the graduate level, especially without any major research under your belt. The next step then is to paint yourself as having adequate knowledge. Since you studied engineering as an undergrad, and there are many synergies between engineering and physics, you need to exploit these. Talk about how your academic and professional experiences have prepared you to undertake this level of study at this institution. Whether or not you should keep your "Why Cornell" will depend greatly on how you align your goals with the mission of this program. - Admissions Advice Online
Many issues here. First, your SOP of purpose is completely out of order. You need to first build your story and THEN state why Cornell is the best place for you to learn. However, your biggest mistake here is the way you belittle your experience. You downgrade everything physics related that you have done. "Small research this," "Never took a class that." This will read as someone that is unsure. Cornell WILL NOT give one of their valued seats to someone that is unsure. You need to attack this SOP ONLY from a standpoint of strength, clarity and resolve. When I finish reading your SOP, I need to feel a resounding sense that you belong. If you are applying for an entry MA/MS degree, your credentials thus far certainly can fit the bill. - Admissions Advice Online
My Advice-- get rid of that verbose opening paragraph. It serves no purpose other than making you seem aloof. Just focus this essay on your sport and what it means to you. -Admissions Advice Online
So my advice to you would be to read this essay again. However, this time, read it as though you were someone else. What would that person learn about you that they did not know before reading this? If your answer is absolutely nothing -- like in this case-- then your response is of no use to the reader. The entire goal here is to learn something about you. -Admissions Advice Online
I had absolutely no idea what you were trying to say in the beginning of this essay. I had to force myself to read it through to the end before I finally saw a glimmer of hope here. Basically you attempt to be overly philosophical and fail. Just write a straight forward essay. Talk about how you overcame the limitations of having asthma. Talk about this in the very first paragraph and take the reader step by step on how you accomplished this via determination and hard work. The whole chatter about puzzles is useless and only will distract from the real content of this essay. - Admissions Advice Online
Yes. Writing about your religion will show how the world you come from has helped shape who you are today. Just try to put a unique twist on it. In any event, just write something so we can provide you with more detailed feedback. -Admissions Advice Online
In addition to what Dumi said, your essay is very weak on how you intend to utilize the resources at univeristy XYZ to help you achieve your career goals. You need to show how this program will provide you with ample resources that you will utilize to get to the next step in your career. -Admissions Advice Online
You state "After High School." So this essay is more of a GAP year rather than an interruption. An interruption is a pause DURING high school for example a student was suspended for a semester because of something crazy he or she did. From what you have here, you had no interruption, you just took a GAP year. While the standard is that you apply normally in your senior year and then delay admissions, schools will not be too picky about this. You do not, and should not fill this out. Talk about your gap year experience via the assigned essays. - Admissions Advice Online
This essay is ok, but the real verdict will depend on what kind of school you are transferring to. If you are transferring to a large state school, this essay is fine. If you are transferring to a top 15 school, you need to show initiative. After all, small schools turn into big schools because someone takes the initiative to enhance and grow the academic experience. Did you try to set up a club to get students more involved with the university community? Did you work with administrators to get more research opportunities on campus? -Admissions Advice Online
Aside from a few spelling/grammar mistakes, this is pretty good. You hit all the major aspects of a good SOP. You talk about your background, past education, internships, futures interests and goals and end with what you hope to gain from studying at UT. -Admissions Advice Online
ABSOLUTELY PERFECT(content wise)! You are one of the few people who understands how to take negative situations, including bad grades, and turning them into a positive outlook for the future WITHOUT making tons of excuses or blaming everyone and everything else. You have shown growth and maturity here and this is what admissions officers look for. Very very well done. -Admissions Advice Online
You need to talk about why this school and what resources interests you at this program. You said that you want to learn about elementary particles. You need to show a well thought out plan on how this program will help you achieve this desire. - Admissions Advice Online
This essay has quite a few flaws. First, you violate the cardinal rules of never talking bad about a former school or past teachers. Then you have a few excuses about why your grades at one point were bad-----not too bad as you recovered. However, you then talk about how your grades dipped again and for no real reason. Why would you want this to be your personal statement? The only thing that the admissions office will learn from this essay is that you have a ton of excuses. The university that you are applying to is not overly selective, so instead of pointing out your past failures and and showing that you are a master of excuses, use this essay to show strength. Minimize the excuses. Talk about challenges in other non-academic parts of your life. How did you resolve these and how are you a better person now and hopefully going forward? The admissions officers will see your grades, no need to specifically point this out to them via the personal statement. Use this statement to show maturity and only highlight positive aspects of your character. ------ Admissions Advice Online
Pretty good essay here. I like how you take the reader through your thoughts and feelings without trying to be overly dramatic. The only thing that I did not understand was the first sentence..."First, second, third, fourth, fifth position, arms and legs together" Is this what the dance instructor is saying as you dance or are you thinking this in your head? You should try to clarify this if possible. - Admissions Advice Online
At first, I said to myself, "Oh no! Not another essay about how a parent has had a significant impact on their child. -Very Original." However, you do have an original twist hidden in here. This blurb should be the major focal point of your essay ---"My father is not very supportive of me getting an education, as it is a tradition for girls to become housewives in my culture, but my mother was not given the opportunity to get the education that I have, therefore she stresses it's importance. I will be the first one in my family to go off to college." Yes you can talk about how strong your mother is, but talking about how your mom has really stressed the importance of education despite it NOT being culturally praised would be a far stronger angle to attack this essay. As it is now, you are just trying to highlight your extra curricular activities and other aspects of your application that have their own place. This essay is not the place to do that.
You only somewhat answer half of the prompt. The actual question here is "how do you think you could enrich our diverse and inclusive community, and what are your hopes for your college experience?" You answer the second part of the question but do so in a "weak" way. Learning new things is a given at College. Try to be more specific. For the first part of the question, you need to talk about how you will contribute to the community at the school. You have such diverse experiences that this should not be a major problem. What did you learn while living in different parts of the world/nation? How have those experiences help enrich the person you are and how will/can others in the university community learn from you and your experiences. This might be in the form of club membership, classroom discussions, forums etc... -Admissions Advice Online
Only you know why you are applying to this school. Why is it your dream school? What are some of the resources there that you look forward to? All you need to write in this short essay is why you are applying to this school and how will you contribute to the Rochester community. -Admissions Advice Online
You should always approach this essay as though it would be used to match you with a roomate. What will the person matching you learn about you from this essay? I did not really learn much in terms of actual substance. Being inquisitive is great, however, who are you? What things do you like? What are some of your pet peeves, What would you do on a free weekend? What do you want to do in the future? These are the essential elements to best answer this prompt. -Admissions Advice Online
So, when I was in high school, I was always taught to use triangles to help solve pre-calc and calc problems. Because of this, I am not sure how this is an intellectual vitality question as thinking like this is necessary to solve complex mathematical questions. When tackling this question, I always encourage my clients to use a non-classroom example. Why? Admissions officers already have enough information on your academic prowess. They can see your grades, mid-year reports, test scores, teacher rec's, the last thing they really want to see is another academic attribute. To tackle this question better, think about an experience that you have had where you had an "Ah-hah" moment. A moment that changed your thinking and one that really sparked a great interest in you. -Admissions Advice Online
Your topic here [modesty] is great. However, using the word cocky in an admissions essay is not advisable. Furthermore, you go on to negate yourself be secretly being "Cocky.". Harmonious coexistence with my less achieving peers and teammates, 2400 SAT on first shot, [leading] my school team to victory in the regional and national science exhibitions. What you are trying to do is highlight your accomplishments and try to cloak them under the shield of modesty. However, any admissions officer will clearly see what you are doing here. I suggest tackling this from a more emotional point of view. Talk more about how being modest has really impacted your life, both in and out of school and why are you proud of your modesty.
This essay is almost unreadable. The opening is just too convoluted. You need to hit the reader with your main theme in the first paragraph. As you have it here, you run a very high risk that the admissions reader will just dismiss your entire essay and not read any further. I know it makes a lot of sense to you as you wrote it, but you have to approach this as though you are an admissions reader. After reading 100 other essays that afternoon, would you take the 20 minutes it would require to try to decipher what you are saying here? -Admissions Advice Online
As you stated at the end of your essay, this is just pure rambling with no real endpoint. In reality it reads more like a story rather than an admsions essay. The key to answering this question best is to really think about something that is central to your identity. In other words, if you asked a few people to describe you, what would be a recurring theme....this would be something that is so central to your identity. Being a picky eater can be something central to your identity, but you fail to connect your finicky eating habits to your personality and why it is a central component to who you are. - Admissions Advice Online
This essay is way to generic. You do not mention a single concrete aspect of UChicago and how that connects to your future studies. Anyone can say that any school is amazing with great research opportunities. Show that you have really research the school by talking about specifics and how you plan to utilize those specific resources unique to Chicago. -Admissions Advice Online
your responses here would be fine for most colleges. However, you are applying to Yale EA. The EA pool of applicants at Yale is extremely strong. These essays will fail to impress most admissions counselors as it is pretty much in line with what many other applicants will write. Your first essay for example, talks about your desire to become a doctor. I can promise you that about 1,000 other applicants will have the same exact story with many writing a stronger argument. Another problem that you have here is that in your first essay you say that you have a "strong desire" to be a doctor, then in the second essay you are only "thinking" about becoming a doctor while wanting to explore other disciplines. You kind of negate yourself in just two short essays. My advice to you is to use your free essay(1E) to discuss something else. Then utilize the second essay to talk about the open curriculum that exists at Yale and how you intend to take full advantage of it. The key to a great admissions essays is uniqueness. -Admissions Advice Online
I am assuming you want to transfer to NYU. If so, I want to point out to you that NYU is one of the most applied to schools in the nation because of its downtown NYC location. Because of this, you need to really strengthen this essay. All you pretty much say is I want to be in a big city. This is not enough to be accepted to a school like NYU. Why do you want to be in a big city? What resources are you looking to take advantage of? More importantly---why NYU or the school you intend to transfer to? - Admissions Advice Online
This is a really good essay. The only thing that I would suggest that you add would be to talk a little bit more about the resources that you plan on taking advantage of at the new institution. Once you add this, your essay will be perfect(content wise). -Admissions Advice Online
This has all the elements of a great essay but in its current state this essay needs a lot of improvements. First, the prompt here wants you to discuss a collaboration or interaction. As you have it here, you did not collaborate or interact with anyone - merely just attended. You need to add this aspect of collaboration or interaction to correctly answer the prompt. Secondly, there are tons of grammatical errors here, but those can be fixed relatively easily. Just focus building out this story by adding more feelings as well as the collaborative aspect and we can help you polish it. -Admissions Advice Online
The major issue with this is that it is not Harvard level writing. Since this is a short essay, you really need to pack a punch here and this essay is rather dull. To spice it up, utilize more metaphors and take the reader on an intense journey. Allow us to hear the same music you are dancing to and fall under the same trance. Once you do this, it will be a much improved essay. -Admissions Advice Online
" Known for its reasonable cost of living, pleasant climate, and favorable services," I don't think I have every read that in a college admissions essay. Are you selling real estate in Blacksburg? Ok now to the serious stuff, since the school is asking you about your top 5 reasons, at least 2 of those should deal with the academics/resources available at the school. This should be a granular level response....ie talk about specific courses/professors that you would love to take/research with. This will make your essay sound more realistic and not like a sales brochure. - Admissions Advice Online
While this is a pretty standard and vanilla response to this prompt(one that will not hurt your chances for admissions), there are a few issues that prevent it from being a really stellar essay. You really do not mention anything specific to NU. Cultural diversity can be found pretty much at any top school. Furthermore, the rule of three at NU is actually meant to curtail students from wandering from major to major - exactly the opposite of your plan. As with the cultural diversity aspect, pretty much any top school will allow students to double major while still completing a minor (Exactly as the rule of three at NU). You really need to dig deeper to find the unique aspects of NU and how those really make the school stand out to you. - Admissions Advice Online
By writing " Instead of waiting for others to talk to me...I was no longer the passive one..," you conjure up the image of the lonely kid, or maybe the kid that was bullied and felt all alone. Unfortunately when you mix this with talking about shooting a rifle, especially in a school setting, it will make some admissions officers very uncomfortable. I would steer clear from this type of a topic for an admissions essay. - Admissions Advice Online
This is not what the prompt is asking you to explain. Submitting this essay to a top program would certainly deduct major points from your overall application score. Daydreaming is not something that is central to your identity, nor would you really want it to be when applying to top schools, in fact, what you are explaining here is more of varied thoughts that pretty much everyone has. What you tried to do here was transform this essay into an essay that showcases your thought process as it relates to your future plans while sneaking in a bit of your non-academic activities. However, this is just not what the prompt requires. It is very important that you pay attention to the prompt. To correctly answer this question, you need to dig deeper to find something that is truly central to your identity. -Admissions Advice Online
You are correct. This is not what Stanford is looking for at all. What they want to see is how something....anything really sparked an interest in you. How did you run with the idea/experience. For example, your first flight on a plane intrigued you and you went home and started to study all aspects of aviation. How did tht experience change the way you apprached learning or your pursuit of other interests. Tell us about your Ah-Hah! moment. Try to make this about a non-school related event if at all possible. - Admissions Advice Online
Do yourself a major favor and do NOT write this...Just like the shooter reaches out to his gun, and the gun also reaches out to its shooter. Instead of waiting for others to talk to me, I started to reach out myself. I would no longer be the passive one. Those two sentences conjure up an image that you do NOT want any admissions officer to have, especially in these times where school campuses are on heightened alert. While you are free to write whatever you want, this is not the best decision. - Admissions Advice Online