Writing Feedback / I'm a nice person that is always trying to help others. Self-evaluation for my teacher [5]

Before we can work on your grammar and sentence issues, we need to fix the content of your essay first. That is why I did not write and corrections or revisions regarding you r mistakes. You need to revise the paper. Write it again using my comments as your guide in improving the paper. Even if you are just preparing to talk in a group, you need to be prepared to answer any questions coming from them. That is called "anticipating clarification questions". You write down everything you want to say and then think about any questions that the group might ask you about. That is why I was suggesting that you add content or revise certain portions of your essay. By doing so, you will be able to address a question that might come up during the group discussion.

Let me just repeat what I said at the end of my review, which should have made it clear that the essay needs to be revised: "The most basic problem of your essay is that you say a lot about yourself without actually saying much. You need to develop your self-evaluation with more explanations or facts in order to help your teacher understand where your self-evaluation is coming from. Right now, it is just a mess of words that explain very little about, even with all of the descriptions that you gave about yourself. I hate to say it but a full revision of the content of this paper will be necessary before we can even begin to work on fixing the grammar and sentence structure issues :-( I hope that my suggestions can help you with your revision work :-)"

I am looking forward to reading your revised self-evaluation, let's not call it an essay ;-)

Writing Feedback / I'm a nice person that is always trying to help others. Self-evaluation for my teacher [5]

While it is good that you are able to present a point of view about yourself in a direct and concise manner, this also proves to be a problem for your essay. You speak of your character traits and flaws in an interesting manner but you fail to develop the statements with examples of how these traits of your affect the people around you. For example, you say that you like to make people happy and smile. Can you give an example of why you do that? What is your reason for wanting to make people happy?

Your discussion of being independent and modest is downright confusing. These are 2 unrelated topics that should be discussed separately. That way you can provide a better explanation of the reasons behind your self-evaluation.

In the portion where you talk about your dislike for certain types of people, you need explain how that dislike developed so that your self-evaluation for this hate will have a solid basis backing it up.

The most basic problem of your essay is that you say a lot about yourself without actually saying much. You need to develop your self-evaluation with more explanations or facts in order to help your teacher understand where your self-evaluation is coming from. Right now, it is just a mess of words that explain very little about, even with all of the descriptions that you gave about yourself. I hate to say it but a full revision of the content of this paper will be necessary before we can even begin to work on fixing the grammar and sentence structure issues :-( I hope that my suggestions can help you with your revision work :-)

Letters / Professor is asking to recommend an International student via common Application - College [14]

I caught grammar issues that need to be addressed. I am also going to show you a better way of presenting your statements. The corrections are as follows:


- I am pleased to recommend my student XXX for admission to your school. I am his teacher in Analytic Mathematics and Geometry. I have observed his potential as a student and observed his talent to a great extent since he has been under my tutelage for the past 3 years.


- XXX first came to my attention when I became his teacher in the 9th grade. I remember asking about...


- ... confidencegave me...


- In class debates, he always gave interesting insights and analysis of debatable issues that helped to increase the level of the debate. He always displayed a sense of thoroughness, eloquence, and conciseness in his answers.

- You can merge this with the above paragraph instead. It is really short. But still discusses his student characteristics.


-He is a sociable person who does not have problems making new friends. He has always been highly respected by his peers because of his wisdom, insight, and moral support for those in need. He also displays leadership skills that proved to be valuable to him as a student since his peers always looked up to him.


- For these reasons. I highly recommend XXX for admission into your university. He deserves to be admitted because of the aforementioned qualities that would make him a fine addition to any university community.

Aside from the concluding paragraph, you can merge all of the corrected paragraphs into one. A recommendation letter should not be too long. 2 or 3 paragraphs will do. It should only be an overview of your opinion of the student. No need to offer samples of his academic breakthroughs. That is for the student to discuss and prove.

Undergraduate / "For the Love of Physics" / "Creativity" - favorite books, poems, authors, films, plays, music... [4]

You need to watch the way you use capitalization with your words. Every word after a period is capitalized. Unless that capitalization is needed because you are stating the title of a book, song, or name of a person, place, or thing. You made this mistake in your first paragraph. I am sure you can catch where you made it :-)



- This sentence is overly long. You need to state only 1 or 2 examples to make your point.


- ... led my wayto the path of scientific...


- I began simply by imitating... then I raised my own questions and answered the same questions myself.
- This should also be a new paragraph because it discusses a new topic.


-I asked myself:
- You only need to provide sample questions. Limit it to to 2 examples.


- His book was the rare gem that changed the way I see the world. It brought me to observe... problems in daily life... worth studying as more than a simple task.


- This book nurtured science in my mind, turning research and knowledge into an fiery passion.


- You never start a sentence with and.
- I will never forget the book that enhanced my spirit of curiosity and innovation...


- This sounds like an unfinished sentence. Did you forget some information? You need to complete the thought.


-I dove into this ...


- Capitalization problem again. Correct this. It is part of the sentence and does not refer to a specific development of technology or the like.


- ... and gave me the answer to the question "what does it take to be a successful creative professional?".

One of the main problems of your essay is that you persist on speaking in present tense when you should be telling this story from the past tense point of view. You need to correct all of your tenses. Review you paper and revise the tenses to become past tense instead of present tense. That will solve most of the grammar problems of your essay. Also, using arrogance as an example is not a good thing because it makes a person hated. Instead, use something else. Perhaps a person challenged you in the past, saying you could not do something and you thought you could not, but then you took the chance and you did it successfully.


- Don't suck up. This topic will be a totally separate SOP essay for you when the time comes. Do not discuss the university in this essay. That is not what they want to hear about at this point.


- You spoke of two books in your essay and only concluded with one. Revise it to restate your thesis about why those 2 books have influenced you greatly. After all, if these are your favorite books, their themes were sure to have impacted your life in some way.

Undergraduate / 'I immediately felt a desire to know more about the institution' - Why Madison? [2]

Additional work is required to further improve your essay prior to the proofreading for grammar and sentence structure issues. You said in your opening paragraph that you developed an immediate interest in UW-Madison after hearing about the university. Why is that? You need to mention specific information that proves how what you heard about the university influenced you when you first heard it.


- The admissions officer already knows about the facilities of their university and their course curriculum. You don't need to tell him that. Instead, inform him about other things that aroused your interest. For example, a shared interest in developing engineering advancements. This informs the reader about where your inclinations lie.

You mentioned being self taught in terms of science and engineering. Expand this discussion to include the methods by which you self studied and what you learned about your abilities as a student from that experience. This is an important part of the essay that deals with factors that might affect your academic accomplishments.


- Further discuss this sentence by explaining how UW-Madison will be able to help you develop yourself further in these fields.

In your final paragraph related to academic interests, you mentioned having an interest in researching molecules. Does UW-Madison offer any research grants or internships with scientists that can help you get immersed in such research? Where does the university fit in this aspect of your studies? Always relate all your plans to the university and how their support can help you grow as a person or scientist.

Now, about your extra curricular activities. Unless you excel tremendously in swimming and have been a winning member of a swim club in the past, I would not discuss that portion anymore as it seems irrelevant and disconnected to the previous parts of your essay. Concentrate instead on your academic accomplishments or shortcomings in relation to your future as a student at the university.

Undergraduate / RISD: Spending a Day With a Favorite Artist [3]


-Avoid redundant sentences.This is a statement that you repeat at the beginning of every paragraph. Delete it and go direct to the point instead.restructure your first sentence throughout the essay in a way that it introduces the next event without being redundant. We already know you are talking about the perfect day. There is no need to keep reminding us.


- Don't pose a statement that you are not supposed to know about. Pose is as a questions instead. "Did the extreme violence in the community where he grew up influence his art?" would be a better way of putting it.


- You don't want more. You want to "know more" :-)

- You only have 24 hours. Be realistic, there is no way you can make it to Italy and back in less than a day. Stick to the U.S. areas where you can go and enjoy art.


- ... I've never beenthere.


- artistic inspirations for



- ... share a love for a mutual artist!


- ... so much. Now I have to chance to find out why.

Your concluding statement is quite moving and is a perfect end to your day with the artist. Aside from the revisions and comments above, this is a very good essay and worthy of submission. I believe that this will truly catch the attention of the admissions officer :-)

Undergraduate / I WILL NOT LIE NYU - NYU SUPPLEMENTAL ESSAY [3]

There is a major problem in your essay. You totally did not understand what the prompt was asking you to discuss. You spend too much time talking about NYU and what you know about the university and its campus community instead of discussing what you have to offer the university and its student community. So you need to trash this version of your essay and start writing a new one that is more focused towards the idea of what you have and how you can contribute to NYC as a student and member of the community.

You talk too much about having fun socially in college. That is not what a prestigious university like NYC wants to hear. You not applying to a party university. This is a serious academic institution that admits only the most serious college students who have a goal, purpose, and ambition in life. Too much talk about your community participation portrays you as a self-centered individual who does not care about the others in the community. You do not want the admissions officer to think that. You would not make it past the first round of considerations if that happens.

Here is what I suggest. Look at your past academic and social achievements. Pick the most outstanding of your achievements from those two worlds. Then focus on how you can parlay those accomplishments into your college life. Using these two important accomplishments to paint yourself as a picture of an academic and social achiever whose prowess will definitely be an additional positive influence upon the NYC academic and social community.

Scholarship / SOP; What is the evidence supporting the nebula theory of Solar System formation? [7]

Once again, what is your undergraduate course and when did you graduate? These are important pieces of information that you need to tell the screening officer of the scholarship committee. They need to know if your choice of study falls within their choice of graduate study majors to support. You need something more at the end of your introduction. I am thinking that maybe you can pose a question about the sun and nebula. Something that you will want to do further research on in the future. Then you can develop the body of the essay around that desire of yours, thus giving you an actual purpose for want to gain higher education in that field.

Don't talk about your friends and how they convinced you to join the competition. That is not relevant to your SOP. Just present facts about the competition and your experience as a participant that helped to entice you to learn more about the sun and the possibility that it could burn out, causing the end of the world for us.

Further develop the paragraph about your college studies. Discuss how you now feel confident that you know enough about the solar system, nebula, and the sun, but that you still have unanswered questions that you hope can be answered by the graduate studies subjects. Reiterate your interest in solving a particular question that you have posed for yourself and how graduate studies can help you answer that.

About the Tubitak scholarship. This is a science based scholarship right? How do you feel your purpose for studies align with their own scholarship mission and vision? What objectives do you share with the foundation? You did not mention how you can give back to them after your studies by working for them if given the chance, perhaps even presenting the results of any scientific discovery you might make to them before presenting it anywhere else in order to bring further prestige to their scholarship foundation. Say something about how you will pay them back for their generosity in an alternative way.

Undergraduate / not many opportunities for women to get education - college essay [4]

Before we clean up the grammar problems, we need to create a focus for your essay first. It is not very coherent and is confusing to read at this point. So let me point out the areas that you need to revise first. That way we can clean up the grammar problems when the content of your paper is final in content.

Your introduction is trying to present a number of ideas all at once. Neither of them relating to one another. I suggest you pick a topic, the fact that you are going to college when your country believes that women should not seek higher education and instead get married instead. There is also a quotation mark where there should not be one.

It is important that you related the moving of your family to the United States in terms of you getting further ahead in terms of your education. This move is important because it meant that you were not destined for the same fate as your mother who did not go to college because of the culture of your home country. Your language problems should still be mentioned as an obstacle you had to overcome. But the society you joined, it just does not go with the focus of the essay so I suggest you skip that part.

Your statement about languages that you speak which are native to Pakistan does not have any place in the essay. You need to focus on only one accomplishment or personal quality. Do not keep introducing new facets to your personality. The admissions officer wants to learn about only one facet of your personality or accomplishment. Focus on attending college when the odds should have been against you due to Pakistani tradition and culture. That is your real accomplishment in life.

So what I am trying to tell you is that, your essay needs a lot of work. It requires major revisions content wise before we can even begin to finalize the essence of your essay. Only after we create a solid statement for you can we fix the grammar and sentence structure issues. I look forward to reading the 2nd draft of your essay :-)

Undergraduate / 'health and science has been my top consideration' - UIC personal essay of program choice [3]

In your introductory paragraph, you mention that you are interested in the fields of health and science. You should give a short description of your experience in this field that led to your discovery of your interest in Food and Nutrition. That way you present an introduction that informs the reader about where you are coming from with regards to your choice of majors.

You should discuss obesity as an illness that affects the overall population. Do not mention the aging society because if they are aging, then weight issues may not be a problem for them. Neither would be healthy eating. This paragraph should discuss your point of view about the obesity issue instead. Why you think it is rampant and why you feel that not enough is being done to address the problem in the field of Food and Nutrition.

Your paragraph about cooking on a personal level is a good touch. Perhaps you can mention something about how you like to cook healthy and how it has helped someone in your family. Just to give weight to something that now sounds more like a hobby than an advocacy.

The conclusion is too generalized. You should center on the changes that you hope to make in the field of Food and Nutrition after you graduate. Mention your goals and plans for the future and then close the statement with a sentence that embodies the weight of your commitment to your major.

Develop the essay further and once you have done that, we can move on to cleaning up the grammatical errors :-)

Undergraduate / 'I consider myself an advocate for many things' - UW Madison Essay #1 [2]

At first glance, this paper seems solid and well thought out. But there are still a few errors to be corrected and ideas that need to be developed. I will add further notes at the end :-)


- The proper term is overlooked.



- Develop this idea. You need to present the reasons as to why you are not a hammer type of person. Also, for those who are not familiar with the term, you need to define this kind of personality as a fyi.



- Instead of pushing ideas into people, say forcing people to believe in my beliefs.



- You cannot post your family above your bed. But you can post a family picture on the wall above your bed. So the correct way to say this is :" I will have a loving family picture posted on the wall above my bed..".


- the first people ...
You have presented a very good first draft for this statement. I advise you to continue further developing your statement in order to provide more information or insight into who you are as a person and why you feel nuclear energy is important to you as a topic.

Writing Feedback / [Toefl] By excessive use of cars in the roads, the number of accident has increased. [4]

Hamed, why are you opening your introductory statement with an argument? You have not presented any introduction to the topic nor thesis statement yet. Never use however to open a paragraph unless you have presented an opposing point of view previously. You need to restructure this paragraph.


- As a result, the development of this technology has brought along serious problems for the environment.


- This paragraph requires a number of corrections. You used However properly in this instance. You have repetitive information in the paragraph that I feel you need to replace with other information in order to make a solid argument.

- However, while cars make transportation easier, it has also caused severe traffic in big cities. Noise pollution coming from the car horns and exhaust pipes also create a nuisance that people have to put up with.


- This is a weak use of accidents in an argument. Unless you can provide statistics to prove your claim, you are making unfounded accusations. Add more information to this paragraph to make it valid.

Your conclusion is a mess. You should never conclude with a question. Just summarize the content and restate your thesis.

Writing Feedback / Should we take action at once? 'patience have great range influence in our life' [6]

Mabel, I can really see that you are trying your best to improve your essay. So please allow me to help you with your sentence structure and some ideas that can help shape the essay :-) I will quote a portion of the original text and then provide my comments in green and my suggested sentence structure is in blue.


- It is a universally accepted fact that patience is one of the greatest characteristics of a human being. This has been a virtue that has helped the human race evolve as a society and has helped bring peace to many a warring nations. But in the frenzied lifestyle of the 21st century, the patience of human beings has begun to wane. These days, people have become impatient and require immediate action to any problem that exists. They no longer believe that patience pays off because it takes too long to get results. While immediate action has its benefits, the results of patient actions are usually more long term. That is why I believe that patience has a greater influence in our lives.

- You need to create an informative hook for topics such as these in order to entice your readers. Note how I gave some information about patience and immediate action in comparison before I gave my opinion. Did you find yourself becoming more interested in reading more about what I have to say? That is the purpose of the introduction and your thesis statement.


- While looking for an example of the long term effects of patience in human beings, only one vivid example came to mind, the businessman. He is a professional negotiator whose patience is quite long. He deals with discord and varying points of view all the time while trying to close a business deal. His patience allows him to successfully analyze the situation and collaborate with his partners regarding successful conclusions. These all happen over a period of months or years. When everyone patiently waits for the positive results of the negotiations, the results are usually quite satisfying and long term (such as long term leases or business partnerships) in result.

- You always need to develop your paragraph / statement ideas in such a way that you constantly provide new information to the reader. You should also present evidence that will have the viewer think about the logic or acceptability of your point of view.

Most people view anything scientific as a boring example for a discussion. This is where you could use Apartheid as an example. Apartheid was the segregation of Whites from Blacks in South Africa, when it was still a Dutch influenced country. The South Africans, through the leadership of Nelson Mandela tried to enact peaceful protests in order to win equal rights for the black South Africans. Nelson Mandela and his supporters wanted the Apartheid laws to be changed and they did that through a change in the law. It took them decades but they were finally able to enact legislative change for their country, with long term equal rights results. Try to work this information into your essay. Do not use the science explanation.


- Since I helped you out with the examples, you need to revise your concluding paragraph :-)

Scholarship / SOP; What is the evidence supporting the nebula theory of Solar System formation? [7]

This an improvement, but not much of an improvement. Let me offer you some guide questions that can help you better write this essay.

1. What is your undergraduate course? Mention how it relates to your passion for whatever your graduate study course is.
2. You need to develop your participation in the scientific conference. Why did that experience give you a stronger sense of purpose in relation to your graduate study? What did you learn academically from the experience and other participants that influenced you? The additional information you provided is good. But you can discuss more about it in order to create an impact.

3. What is it about the sun and solar system that you feel you need to learn via advanced studies? What is your goal? Do you have a specific experiment you want to conduct or research you want to do?

5. How can being a recipient of this scholarship help you achieve your goals?
6. How do you plan to give back to the scholarship foundation if they give you a scholarship during and after your studies?

If you can answer these questions in essay format, we can further fine tune the content to fall in line with the scholarship requirements. By the way, it will be great if you can share the scholarship essay prompt with us so that we can help you better align the content of your essay with what the scholarship committee is looking for :-)

Writing Feedback / The law need the flexibility in each verdict of criminal behaviours [4]

You should develop a stronger introductory statement. One way of doing this is to cite some famous cases that carries a public opinion about the unfairness or fairness of the sentence. Then explain how historically, the punishment has always been made to fit the crime and that people today want to change that in order to be fair to the accused whose criminal circumstances should be considered during sentencing. Then you can present your own point of view.

When you say that the punishments should be uniform for all crimes, you need to explain why there is a growing sentiment towards this and why there are still people who disagree with it. Then discuss the legal point of view regarding sentencing. Research the legal stand of various parties and then use that in the discussion. Factual evidence such as those will give your paper academic weight.

When you finally explain why you believe that the sentences should not be the same, try to relate it to more recent cases ( as examples) in order to provide a solid opinion on the matter. Don't forget that you need to sound knowledgeable and authoritative when you discuss this part because this is the most important part of the essay, your personal opinion. So make your discussion matter and work towards making it the strongest argument in the essay.

You also need to fix your conclusion because you made the mistake of presenting a new idea instead of wrapping up the statement. You know that we are not allowed to present new ideas, even if they are your own, in the conclusion. That is not the purpose of a conclusion. Instead, you can add another paragraph to discuss your new idea in and then conclude the essay.

Scholarship / SOP; What is the evidence supporting the nebula theory of Solar System formation? [7]

It would be nice if you can provide the prompt for this statement of purpose so that we can get a clearer idea of the required content of the essay. At the moment though, this essay needs a lot of work. It is too short and provides too much information at the beginning that is simply filler material. The real interesting part does not start till the middle of the essay and then it comes up under developed and lacking in informative content. Let me give you an example of where your essay falls short.

Avoid filler statements such as your first 2 paragraphs that do not really say anything about the purpose of your application. You are only telling the admissions officer something that they already know. So skip this and go directly the second paragraph.


- This should be the opening statement of your sop because it directly relates to your purpose and passion for enrolling in the course. Develop the story about your participation in the story conference as a building block that inspired you to delve deeper into this course of study.


- This is an irrelevant statement that does not relate to your purpose for enrolling. You need to discuss a bigger purpose for enrolling. Something along the lines of discovering a new planet or the like.

If you can correct and build up these two paragraphs alone, you will develop an effective SOP that we can then check for grammatical errors :-)

Writing Feedback / GRE Issue: Great nations should be assessed by general welfare of its people [2]

You have a solid start for your introduction. There is a slight problem though. You were supposed to agree or disagree with the statement and I do not see any mention of your stand anywhere in the paragraph. I suggest that you add a sentence at the end reflecting your stand in order to fall in line with the requirements of the essay. Without your stand, the essay does not have a thesis statement to begin its discussion with. I will be making comments and revision suggestions to your essay as I review it below.


- ... the ultimate goal of a nations should be to serve the interests of the general majority... closer examination of the... different nations supports this statement.

- This statement is open to further discussion. Perhaps you can present the opposing point of view and explain its flaws before you launch into your current statement.


- ... confirms this argument... countries in the world, nor does it obtain a ... the world's largest economy... but not a great nation that serves its people ...

- You did a good job at using the compare and contrast method of discussing the topic.The two paragraphs you provided as samples were right on the mark.

As for your conclusion, it loses its impact because you failed to present your personal point of view early in the essay and do not even try to reference it at the end. So you have to revise the essay in order to properly show a restated thesis, summary of facts, and conclusion.

Undergraduate / "Why Caltech" - 3:1 student-to-faculty ratio - Supplement essay last question idea? [8]

Anouar, you can use the Caltech essay as a basis for the UChicago essay. You will still need to research UChicago in order to discover which points of your Caltech essay can be used or rephrased for the application essay though. Each university has specific requirements of their applicants and looks for certain unique things in their students. So you need to familiarize yourself with UChicago using my previously stated guide. Then revise your Caltech essay in a manner that will appeal to UChicago admission officers. I would suggest that you read some UChicago application essays that are freely available on the web. This will help you get a better feel and understanding of their requirements and thus, help you to tailor the new essay towards their specific demands. Remember, you need to at least paraphrase the essay so that there won't be a chance that the admissions officers may think that you are submitting a generalized essay. So adding some uniquely UChicago student characteristics on your part will definitely help alter and refine the essay for UChicago. I know this will require you to devote time and attention to the intricate details of the essay but I assure you that it will be worth it in the long run. After all, you may not have to write a totally new essay for the application :-)

Graduate / The field of health care, especially physicians, embodies a wonderful unity of high academic merit [2]

Here's my review of your essay. It is a very interesting read and good example of a statement of purpose or personal statement :-)

- Strong start. Good thesis.


- Recent surges ... despite being so important , it is a ...


- This should be a totally separate paragraph because it refers to a totally different topic.


- This is a very inspiring and compelling paragraph. It certainly helps to strengthen your personal statement.


- Again, this is a statement that accurately answers your reasons for studying humanities even though you may not realize it :-) Good job!


- This is a strong conclusion supported by your previous statements. You can still develop the conclusion a bit more, but that would depend upon the prompt provided.

If you wrote this as a personal statement or a statement of purpose, then you should give yourself a pat on the back for doing a fantastic job on the essay :-)

Writing Feedback / Should we take action at once? 'patience have great range influence in our life' [6]

Mabel, you need to improve your grammar usage. Your lack of understanding of how to use various words in English affected the overall essence of your essay. Also, the examples that you used to support your stand is too shallow to be considered a serious academic point of view. However, if you wish to use the experiences you wrote, then it needs to be cleaned up grammar-wise and also expanded in discussion. Let me offer you some revision advice:


- Even though you know what the prompt is, you still need to state it in your own way in the introduction paragraph. It is only after you do that that you can proceed to the other parts of your introduction.

- Some people say that patience is a good thing in life. It is a popular notion that helps people to not worry about certain things in their lives. But then there are some people who lack patience and just go for what they want or need the minute they get the urge to do so. They don't believe that patience is worth considering in the fast paced lifestyle of the 21st century. I believe that the latter kind of people are wrong. Patience does have it virtues as the old saying goes and I intend to fully explain why.


- Mabel, you need to look up the meaning and difference of the words patience and patient. The word for this essay is patience, not patient. being patient is different from having patience. In the essence of this essay, the word to use throughout is patience.

- The topic sentence for this paragraph needs to be strengthened. You can do that by choosing a better example other than you wanting to buy a watch at half price. Consider a world point of view such as the end of apartheid in Africa, or the Equal Rights Amendment, Those were the result of patience. That is a more academic example for discussion.


- This is a good example. But you need to polish the way you said it. Also, note the way patient and patience are used in the sentences. Refer below.

-Patience is a businessman's virtue. A businessman knows how to patient in order to get what he wants because of the negotiations, conferences, and trading that he needs to do with his business partners. A patient person, is a qualified negotiator. That is why businessmen who have a tremendous amount of patience get the deal signed.


- Revise your conclusion. It lacks the required components of a restated thesis, summary of information, and a closing sentence.

I hope my advice can help serve as your guide in revising your essay :-)

Writing Feedback / Responsible tourists to preserve about culture and environment [5]


- This is a very confusing introduction. It does not make any sense. The topic is lost somewhere in there and the lack of a thesis statement leaves this paper boring and without a direction. Neither is your stand mentioned in the last sentence of the paragraph.


- Topic sentences should always be the first sentence of a new paragraph.

The overall essay is poorly constructed and written. You need to revise it and present your stand on the matter aside from discussing the reasons that you mentioned in the other paragraphs. Additional research and citing of sources within the text will help improve the content and credibility problem of the information contained in the essay.

Writing Feedback / Consequences to Uselessly Building in Wildlife/Natural Areas [2]

My first question would have to be, what essay format is this supposed to be in? I see you have in-text citations. Is this supposed to be in MLA or APA format? I just want to make sure that you are using the correct format for the essay :-) Now the essay itself is solid. It is good enough to use again as a 9th grade essay provided that this is your original work. If this is not your original work and you are just planning to pass it off as your own without any changes, I would strongly advise you against doing that. Plagiarism checkers will definitely catch you and you know what will happen then. Therefore, you need to paraphrase the whole essay in order to use this again in the 9th grade. On that note, I have to mention that there are grammatical errors here and there that need to be corrected in the essay. This is a complicated piece of writing on a serious topic and it is obvious that ample research was done in order to complete the requirements of this essay. Let me offer some grammatical errors for you to consider. There is no problem with the essence of the answer itself in relation to the prompt.


- What we call modernizing...


- ... we have burned down forests, rendered animal species extinct. .. man made structures are ...


- ... near-forest homes are surely... a benefit to those who ...


-... a larger population...


- ... are burned down...


- major problem on Earth: ...
The aforementioned errors are but a few that I caught in the essay. These can be corrected after you have paraphrased the essay for your 9th grade class :-) For now, consider the above list a sample of what needs to be corrected.

Writing Feedback / GRE; Welfare of the nation and the desire of corporations to maximize profits [3]


- I believe that related would be a more appropriate word to use given the context of the succeeding sentences. Is there a way you can expound upon this statement of yours? Just to give the reader an idea of what you mean. By the way, you need to specifically mention your stand on the matter, whether you agree or disagree early in the introductory paragraph. I don't see your stand indicated.


- How do they do that? Why aren't they being prevented from doing so? You can still expand this paragraph in order to deepen the discussion.


- You should cite additional information that proves this point in order to make it credible.


- Actions relating to what? You need to define that in order to accurately conclude this paragraph.

There are some grammar issues in the essay but those can be overlooked while we try to create a solid draft essay for you at the moment. After that, we can polish those grammar problems :-)

Undergraduate / A Jealousy - Harvard commonapp writing supplement (free topic) [5]


- Always capitalize event titles
- ... Olympiad of Informatics... presented for the International Olympiad of Informatics competition . I couldn't deny my jealous feelings.


- My chance to represent my country in the IOI vanished because of two cups of coffee...


- ... so I could not...


- All my efforts , lost sleep hours that I dedicated to problem solving with... the coffee also swept away..


- Stacia would not have been disturbed by the minor inconvenience of 2 cups of coffee like I was. She was too experienced.


-... contest in the 9th...


- truly deserved the...


- she had been trained for years . While I ... I just wanted to have... so I could. .. achieve higher goals .


- my chance to represent ... was gone...


- ... I can do about it, let go of my passion for computers.. .


- makes me sure that I will be engaged in this field my entire life.


- and enrolled myself in the

These minor corrections should help polish your essay :-) You related a very interesting and engaging story. Congratulations on achieving that :-)

Undergraduate / Superpowers. Pratt 2014 essay [2]


- Don't used cuss words in a formal essay. That shows disrespect for the admissions officer.


- This paragraph is too long and does not say much about what your problem was. Either revise it to become shorter or change it totally so that it can relate to the prompt.


- Shorten this paragraph by relating it to how you were suddenly reminded that you come from a family of superheroes and that you realized this was the path for you because of your mom and grandma.


- Good conclusion.

I strongly advise that you edit the portions I mentioned in green text in order to bring down your word count. Then we can review your 2nd version again :-)

Undergraduate / "Why Caltech" - 3:1 student-to-faculty ratio - Supplement essay last question idea? [8]


- ... were physicists but... and believed ... in themselves. So I followed... and fostered my sense of self-reliance.


- ... cartoons ...


- ... made me dream of a lab ...


- hunger for. .. physics specially ,


- composed of a ...

Anouar, you did your homework :-) Save for these few corrections, you successfully answered the prompt :-) Excellent work!

Undergraduate / "My journey from dark to light" - an accomplishment or event [6]


- From the age of 13 -16, I had lost sight of my goal in life...dawn.All because I felt like a failure in achieving my academic ambitions and goals .


- letting go of my dreams


- Having faced the challenge of... work hard at accomplishing ... I devoted daytime to my... I am still not sure that I am...


- and proved to myself and to them ... the heart is all that matters ...

Aside from these few corrections, I believe the essay is ready for submission :-) Of course that is if you agree with my opinion ;-) Excellent revision!

Writing Feedback / Truth is most important factor in making a romantic relationship persistent [2]


- The debate about whether telling the truth is an important factor in any kind of relationship has been going on for decades now. That is why this needs to be discussed carefully and in great detail. While some people agree with this statement, others disagree just like the author. I believe that telling the truth depends upon the situation of the relationship.

- This is a very short introduction that does not have an effective hook to interest the reader. I suggest that you improve upon this statement and provide a stronger thesis statement other than describing a situation below.


- Telling the truth is an important factor... making a romantic relationship work ... Telling the truth is one of the ... For example, I had a girlfriend during my undergraduate years. We were together for 8 years... we still loved each other despite facing... it happened because we never lied to each other .

- This is a good start to your body of paragraphs. You can develop your personal story a bit more in order to strengthen you belief about not telling lies to one another.


- ... telling the truth is not always a critical... I do not agree that telling the truth about... to your co-worker on the first day... you might have done something wrong,... even if it is the truth... This example strengthens the reason why ...


- You need to revise your conclusion. You cannot state new information in a conclusion. This should be another paragraph instead. Write a new conclusion then we will deal with the grammar problems in this paragraph.

Writing Feedback / which one have an important role in order to success of students in school?classmate or parents? [9]

Hamed, that is exactly why I told you that you need to know about American and world history, with an emphasis on current events, in order to successfully complete the TOEFL test. You never know which kind of essay prompt you might get. Each examinee will have a different exam set of questions to answer, and that includes the essay portion. You can't just fill the essay with words to meet the word and time requirement. The words and sentences need to make sense collectively as a paragraph and connect to the prompt.

TOEFL will test your English skills to its maximum potential. That is why you need to practice with grammar tests, essays, and speed reading. All the tests are under a time constraint. So the faster you can read and understand in English, the more time you will have to compose or choose your answer. Unfortunately, the forum rules don't allow me to give you my email address :( So we can only converse here at the forum and in public so that everyone here can participate in helping you achieve your best potential before you take the test :-) Don't worry, I promise to do my best to help you practice and develop your writing skill. We are all here to help you :-)

The key to the TOEFL review and training is simply, read, understand, write an opinion. Also, try to do grammar tests. These should cover spoken English and written English. So watching English language films and shows are a must. Don't confine yourself to the practice essays. You will find out if you are truly improving by writing your own opinion essays based on topics or books that you read. Of course the materials have to be English based :-)

Writing Feedback / which one have an important role in order to success of students in school?classmate or parents? [9]

Hamed and nickyzhi, I have taken the TOEFL and I passed it on my first try with flying colors in all the test sections. So I know what I am talking about. That is why I am very familiar with the requirements of the test. I know what they are looking for and how to score well in the essay portion because I have the personal experience of having to have written a complicated essay based on American history and inventions within 30 minutes. You need to be able to understand the prompt and express yourself well when taking the essay test because it is a major part of the grading system for the test. Just writing anything in order to fill in 30 minutes or fill the paper will not work because a human being not a computer, the examiner on the other side of the world, is going to review the essay you wrote and grade it. I would hate for you to find that out the hard way. There is more at stake here than just "winging it" during the essay portion of the test. Without comprehension, grammar, and written skills,and knowledge of American culture and traditions, add to that some knowledge of current world events, it will be very difficult for you to pass the exam. So you need to take your practice essays very seriously. Taking the TOEFL is no joke and the wonderful feeling you get when you finally find out that you passed is a sensation you will never forget or experience again in your life :-)

Graduate / Some movies and TV programs are showing a negative trend in guiding young people' behavior [5]

It would have been better to analyze this essay if you had provided the prompt :-) So I will give an overview review instead. Some advice regarding grammar and content for you to consider :-) I will present a better way for you to have said the paragraph below the original. This is just for your consideration. Take it as advice and nothing more :-)


- Your introductions is lacking a hook that can reel in the reader. A hook is a statement that interests the reader into finding out what you have to say about a certain topic.

- Do movies and television shows have more negative than positive influences on the behavior of young people? Some people will disagree and say that movies and television helped them become better people. Medical professionals will tell you that the results of research on the topic is inconclusive. I say, television and movies both have good and bad influences on a young person's behavior due to his impressionable age and desire to emulate everything and anything he sees and considers "cool".


- This is a good argument. You started with the positive influences before going into the negative. It would have been better if you also mentioned a positive television show as a sample. The nightly news shows and other news broadcasts are not really a good point of comparison because young people do not tend to watch those kinds of programming.

- There have been a number of positive movies that came out of Hollywood in the past years. Movies like Forrest Gump teach us that being different does not mean a person is worthless. While Titanic taught us the value of self-less love.


- Make this the closing sentence of your previous paragraph. It will serve as your transition statement.
- While there are truly some positive lessons to be learned from television and movies, it does not erase the fact that the negative images overpower the positive aspect it provides.


- This is a good example of how movies negatively affect young people. Where is your television show example? Develop the statement further with reasons coming from parents and guardians, teachers, or even child psychology experts.

- Movies such as The Expendables series are highly violent films that are PG rated. That means that boys like my 12 year old brother were allowed to watch the movie. What was the first thing that he did after seeing it? He tried to imitate Sylvester Stallone's style of shooting using a toy gun. He once climbed the stairs and shouted "I am Jet Li!" then jumped. Needless to say, he broke his leg. Bad behaviors can also be attributed to the rise of disrespectful reality shows like Bad Grandpa and Keeping up with the Kardashians. Where being mean to other people and making fun of them seems to be the norm emulated by kids in real life. This makes me believe that no further evidence is needed to prove the negative effect of television and movies on young people.


- merge this statement with your previous one since it deals with the same discussion.


- This is an unnecessary statement that deviated from the prompt. It should not be in this essay. The discussion should only center on television shows and movies.


- You present a good conclusion that is underdeveloped. I am sure you can repeat some of the important points you made just to summarize it for the reader.

-Based upon the aforementioned reasons, I truly believe that movies and television shows have a tendency to influence the behavior of young people in a negative manner. Without proper guidance coming from family members and friends, and government regulation of violence and behaviors in movies and television, young people will tend to be negatively influenced by these media outlets until they learn to analyze what is right and wrong for themselves.

This is a solid start. However, the grammar problems and lack of coherence will require you to revise the essay.

Writing Feedback / which one have an important role in order to success of students in school?classmate or parents? [9]

Some notes and suggestions for you to consider :-)


- School is almost a second home for students. Their classmates become almost an extension of our families. We spend as much time with each other almost as we do our own siblings. We learn from each other and support each other. However, our parents are still the most influential people in our lives. It is their support and influence that helps us to succeed in all our undertakings. That is why I believe that the family and the support they offer is more important than that of our classmates.

- Hamed, you are definitely improving in the way you present your ideas. It is becoming quite clear and you have also learned to present your thesis statement in your introduction paragraph.


- Parents unconditionally support their children in all aspects of their lives, including the undeniable expense of their education. Children would not have access to these foundations of success if their parents were not willing to undertake the preparations for them, regardless of the cost.

- Please develop this idea some more and do not mention anything about self supporting students because that deviates from the prompt.


- Parents are always the biggest supporters of their children in anything the child wishes to succeed in. Whether it be emotional or moral support, the parents give everything they have in order to make sure their child feels that love and support whenever they need it. The do this much more so when it comes to supporting their academic needs and quests. They provide the extra hours of study with a tutor, remedial class fees, participation fees, and cover any other expense that the academic needs of their children require. They work with the teachers, coaches, tutors, instructors, and anyone else who can help their child academically achieve.

-Hamed, the idea is nice but the presentation is too simple. You need to learn to develop stronger paragraphs that pick the strongest arguments to support your case.


- You missed out on comparing the influence of friends and classmates on the success of a child. You should have mentioned that in comparison to the parents as a separate paragraph. This conclusion introduces a new idea at the end, which you know is not acceptable in any essay form. You need to revise this to only deal with your summary of facts and reiteration of your stand.

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Parents are our teachers from the very early time in our life. [6]

Lian, don't feel afraid, be disheartened, or lose hope when it comes to your essay writing skills. You are just beginning to learn the rudiments and the methods of essay writing. You will feel comfortable and gain proficiency in your writing skills over time. Everything that relates to essay writing comes with practice and time. In addition to that, you also need to widen your intellectual horizons by reading more English materials. For the TOEFL test, I would advise you to read about American current events, their popular culture, and a little bit about their history. These are all sources of information that you will find useful as instant reference material when practicing your TOEFL essays. In fact, I would go so far as to suggest that you try to write opinion papers based upon any English based reading material that you come across. It could be an online newspaper or an entertainment magazine, or even a newspaper in your native tongue. What is important is that you can write an opinion essay based upon what you just read. After the only prompt for those self assigned essays will be "Do you agree or disagree?" That way you can build up your confidence with your English writing skills without having to worry about passing the TOEFL grading rubic. Of course we will still assist you whenever you want our advice in relation to your self assigned essays :-)

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Parents are our teachers from the very early time in our life. [6]

Lian, I like the thoughts and point of view that you present in your paper. However, the grammatical errors take away from the pleasure of reading it. So I will offer my comments on revising the essay below. I'll also restate some of your paragraphs so you will have an idea about how to better present the paper in the revised version:


- When we are born, we do not know anything about life. We are taught everything we know about survival by our parents. That is why they are known as our first teachers. But does that necessarily make them the best teachers? After all, we go to school to learn most of the things we need to know. But school cannot teach us everything. That is why I believe that our parents still make the best teachers.


- As I previously mentioned, our parents are our first teachers. They taught us how to eat, walk, and speak. As we grew, they began to teach us about interacting with other people, how to make friends, and learn from mistakes that caused us pain. Before we learned how to drive, our parents were the first people to teach us how to travel on wheels using our bikes.

- Perhaps you can mention other specific examples as well. The paragraph too short, which means it is underdeveloped.


- We learn academic things in school. We learn about life and responsibilities from our parents. The minute school is out and we head home, our parents take over our practical and social education through family time and trips. Our parents teach us everything we need to know in order to survive. The school takes care of our academics, our parents take care of our practical learning and skills.

- It will be beneficial to this paragraph if you can further explain the lesson that your parents taught you. It shows the practical and social education that I believe you should mention.


- Parents love their children unconditionally. That is why they never tire of guiding and teaching us in our lives. We can turn 50 or 70 and our parents will still try to teach us something new because they have lived longer than us. Thus, they have more advanced practical knowledge that they can pass on to their children.

- This sentence can use a personal experience again.

You need to work on a good concluding paragraph. Your points are really good and should be noted by the readers :-)

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] 'Firstly, people want to have more knowledge' - why attend to college or university? [3]

Hi Lian :-) Please let me offer some suggestions on how to further strengthen your discussion. I will also offer some revisions when necessary :-)


- This is a very good introductory statement. However, the clarity is somewhat missing. So I will try to restate this for you just to show you how it can be done better: " Almost every high school student across the world dreams of attending a college or university. Whether it be a local or international institution of higher academic learning, the point is that students want to attend higher learning institutions because of the life altering experience that the college or university studies offer. There quite a number of reasons that students want to attend college or university, and I will be discussing more of those in this paper."


- Good reason. But it can be stated differently. Try this " People are curious by nature. Therefore, they want to learn about their world and their specific interests. College education can help them achieve that. College offers them a more focused learning experience when compared to high school studies. Therefore, people are more eager to attend college." There is actually more room for discussion so I suggest you further develop this statement.


- "People look at college as a key towards unlocking their future. Without the guidance of their parents, college will be first time some students will be in complete charge of their lives and education. Therefore, they learn more from the academic and campus community that they become a part of. Once completed, the world becomes a very big place where one cannot be held back from achieving their dreams. College gives people that kind of confidence."


- This paragraph does not relate to any of your previous reasons. This is actually a different essay prompt. So you should delete this statement in your next version.

By the way, you lack a proper conclusion with which to close your discussion. I suggest you develop a strong one that will drive your point home :-)

Writing Feedback / Informations from books or from real life?; unexpected things happening everyday [2]

Let's not worry about your grammar problems for now. Let's get the message of the essay cleaned up first. Then we can worry about the grammar problems and how to correct it :-) I will try to restate your paragraph sometimes in order to show you a better way of presenting your ideas.


- But what is your opinion on the matter? You need to point that out in your introductory paragraph in order to create your thesis statement.

- The modern world demands that we learn both from the traditional sources of education, such as books, and from real life experiences. Now some people argue that books are the perfect way to learn about life. While those who come from the "school of hard knocks" say that life is the best teacher because experience cannot be gained simply by reading books. I believe that (insert your opinion here). But that is not to say that the opposing side is wrong. So I need to consider all sides of the issue in order to decide if I am right or wrong in my belief.


- Information and knowledge are also the plural form of the words.I believe that it would be best for you to do a comparison of the information gained from books and then from real life in this paragraph. That is because learning is a naturally occurring process that you can point out in this portion.


- You need to add more information to this sentence in order to make it relevant to the topic. Otherwise, this is just a redundancy that can be omitted in the next draft of your essay.


- You have more than discussed the learned information that come from books. You need to discuss the lessons learned from living life already. Without that discussion, your essay is really imbalanced and fails to properly respond to the prompt.


- This is a prejudiced conclusion because you failed to discuss the life experience lessons that can be learned. So you need to revise this part as well.

Writing Feedback / Friendship does not have to be limited to people living and working around you anymore - CLEP Essays [2]

Rucha, let me offer you some words of advice in order to help polish your essay. You have written some very good points. You just need to be guided on how to make it even better :-) I will restate your paragraphs in a way that I hope you will find to be a good example of how to better express your thoughts. After reading my suggestions, you can revise your essay using my guides so you can come up with a 2nd draft of the essay that we can further review. Don't worry about your grammar at this point. We will just concentrate on the message of your essay and how to deliver it :-)


- The 20th century has brought a whole new era of socializing to our world. Actual physical contact and proximity are no longer a requirement in order to build friendships. The internet has allowed people to transcend those previous barriers through its social media abilities. These days, everyone, even a complete stranger, can become a friend because you will be able to bond over something you have in common. Even if he is halfway across the globe.

- Rather than going direct to the point, it is always best to follow the basic rule of writing an essay, I-B-C. Introduction, Body, Conclusion. What I just wrote is your introduction to the essay.


- This is a good first paragraph. You gave a general observation of how people interact in the age of the internet. However, It would be more effective if you can quote acceptable, and verifiable sources. Use academic journals if possible and be sure to quote the citation properly. This is a requirement that is stated in your essay prompt.


- There is a lot of room for discussion development in this paragraph. You can mention your personal experience if you wish to as an example of how friendships are now built and are quite solid even though there is no actual presence involved in it.


- Since this is your concluding paragraph, you need to build it up by restating your thesis and reminding the reader of the reasons supporting your stand.

Essays / FUNNY Vs SERIOUS; Need help with writing an introductory paragraph! [2]

Hi Leena. We are happy to have you here. Unfortunately, it will be hard to help you develop an introductory paragraph unless you provide us with the full essay prompt. However, I will try to come up with something for you based upon the quote you provided. Here is my take on an opening or introductory paragraph you might be able to use :-)

]Do you believe that some people are born with a serious outlook in life and some are born with a funny bone meant to tickle everyone for no apparent reason? I believe that there are some people born in those ways, and there is nothing wrong with that. Being funny and being serious are two different outlooks in life. But the reason people look at life that way all boils down to the same reason. We all want need to deal with our life issues. So problem solving can be either a funny or serious process for a person, depending upon his outlook in life. In the end, whether he solved his problem with humor or with seriousness, his problem still gets resolved. So what exactly is the difference between being funny and being serious? That is what this essay will try to explain in the next paragraphs.

I hope this statement of mine can help you get started :-)

Writing Feedback / TOEFL Essay: How does advertising influence people's behaviour? [5]

Hello Haydi and welcome to the forum :-) You have written down acceptable reasons related to the way advertising influences people's behavior. But the way you stated it needs coherence. It needs to be understandable to everyone who reads it. Please allow me to show you another way of presenting your arguments in order to create coherence in every paragraph along with some writing suggestions.


- In the modern consumer market, countless brands compete for similar purchasing sectors of society. Due to vast array of products and services to choose from, advertisers need to create gimmicks that will help them stand out on the shelves. They often do this through advertising. It is the gimmick in the advertisement that the product manufacturers hope will influence the consumer's purchasing behavior. That is why I believe that advertising has a direct influence on the choice of product that the consumer will purchase.

- Your introductory statement lacked a hook that would interest the reader in finding out what the essay is about. You also did not present a thesis statement based upon your opinion of the essay prompt. Note that I presented all of that in the revised version.


- While we consciously know that a good commercial does not equal a good product, we are often influenced by the gloss of the advertisement and the model being used to sell the item. Most specially if a celebrity spokesperson is used. Big companies can create the kind of advertising influence that they need because they have the money to hire the people that can make it happen. Small companies, not so much. So, even if the smaller company has a better product, people will think twice about buying it because of the endorsement gimmick attached to it.

- While it is acceptable to use numerical connotations in your paragraph, you don't necessarily have to do that. Not unless the prompt specifically mentions a set number of reasons. In which case, the count is more to help you keep count than for the reader to use. The numerical count does not really add anything of value to your argument so it is best to avoid it if possible.


- Well made commercials can influence people to buy things they never thought they needed nor anted. All because the sales talk in the advertisement was quite convincing. So we end up buying a product because the power of suggestion told us we cannot live without it. Hence, the negative effect of advertising on people's behavior. Advertisements seem to have a hypnotic effect regardless of the media it is presented in. We end up being influenced to buy products we don't need because they make it seem like it is a product we cannot live without. The mind conditioning involved in the advertisement then has a negative effect on the consumer psyche... (Add the Huxley comment here)

- You know what you want to say, you just need to develop your communication skills so that you can express yourself in a coherent manner :-)


- You should have a separate paragraph to discuss your beliefs about the negative effects of advertising. Never discuss a new idea in the closing statement. The closing statement is only used to repeat your thesis and summarize major discussion points.

One of the main problems of your essay is that you left the mentioning of your stand for the last paragraph. That is wrong. Your stand in agreement or disagreement should have been among the first mentions in your introductory paragraph because it will lay the foundation for the thesis of your essay. That is because it will set the tone for the rest of the discussion. Try to revise the essay using the guides I mentioned. Then compare it with your old version. You will see a difference in the way you expressed yourself and be able to decide which version was clearer in discussion for you and in effect, to your reader :-) Keep practicing and we will keep helping !

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: the positive and negative effects of the increase in the elders [2]

Crystal, the prompt begs you to discuss the topic in the manner of a compare and contrast essay. That is why although you argued your position well, it lacked information and a comparison to prove that you have the right point of view about the increase in elders. While there are grammar issues with your paper, I believe that those should not be corrected until you have fixed the discussion contained in the essay. Only when you have revised the content satisfactorily should attention be paid to cleaning up the grammar problems. I have included my notes regarding the shortcomings of your discussion points below. I hope it helps you in revising the paper :-)


- You could expand this to a full paragraph by mentioning the point of view of young people about the increased number of elderly in society is. How they either consider it a good thing or a bad thing and why. Then mention, in passing how you feel about the increase in the number of elders as your thesis statement.

- There is a side to this reasoning that you have not discussed. That the fact that the young people do not want to seek medical advice from doctors who are over 60 because they feel that those doctors will be too familiar with the illnesses but will not be updated in knowledge about the modern treatments available. Thus making the increase in elderly medical professionals a negative thing.You can even further explain that this concern carries over to all aspects of employment and specialized occupations as well.

- Again, you failed to consider that although they are retirees, they contribute tremendously to the economy through their disposable income. They spend their pensions, which are notable in size, in order to support themselves and enjoy their retired life. They have a specific lifestyle that benefits the economy. Making the increase in older people a positive gain on the economic side.


- Don't present new ideas in your conclusion. Simply restate your thesis and give a summary of your reasons.