Writing Feedback / Driving education course before being licensed can reduce the number of traffic accidents. [4]

Hi there...
I'm preparing an IELTS exam. In this writing, I am working with Task Response, Coherence and Cohesion, Lexical Resource and Grammar. I'd appreciate any suggestion you may have.

Question:
The best way to reduce the number of traffic accidents is to make all young drivers complete a driving education course before being licensed.

Answer:

In recent decades, our lives have changed significantly because of the evolution of technology. As a result, we have faced up with problem, as traffic accidents. In my opinion, it is absolutely pivotal issue because millions of people suffer greatly from it. The best way to reduce the number of traffic accidents is to make all young drivers complete a driving education course before being licensed.

First and foremost, according to statistics the 40 % of all injuries we get is caused by vehicles. In this sense, the majority of drivers are not qualified enough. Moreover, in some countries it possible to get driving licenses even at the age of 15. It is common knowledge that people in this period are incredibly energetic, as a result they drive so fast and cause many accidents. From my point of view, the best solution for this case is to implement right and appropriate age limits.

Further and even more importantly, one must note that in some countries it is possible to get driving licenses without any education course. The primary reason for it is corruption. As a salient example, I can give Uzbekistan, because it is the only country, about which I have full information. In this country, it is possible to get driving license without driving courses by mean of money. In this sense, it is vital to develop all the spheres of country, in order to make positive progress.

By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that implementing appropriate age limits and fighting against the corruption can lead to perceptible and positive progress, which makes the world better place.

Writing Feedback / Priority: Industrial skills vs Education? [5]

Hi...
Please, can you make some amendments!

Question:
Should developing countries concentrate on Improving industrial skills or should they promote education first?

Answer:

In this modern life, almost all of the developing countries of the world have to make extremely hard decision. These countries have to choose right way forward and have to put right priorities between education and industry. I personally believe that putting education system in the first place is an appropriate course of action.

From my point of view, every developed country has very well-structured education system and as a result, they have developed industry too. In this sense, good education system is basic tool to develop all the spheres of a country, including: industry, economy, agriculture and others. Moreover, in order to revolutionize industry, country has to be provided with high-qualified specialists, who have high level of education. In my opinion, the priority of education over the industry is the only way to welfare comprehensively.

However, the other side of the coin is that, promoting industry is the fastest way to economical prosperity. Moreover, it can create a vast amount of work places. However, it can be considered as a short-term prosperity, because after some time this country will probably have a lack of specialists. Therefore, I contend my position that education is in the first place.

By way of conclusion, one must admit that prioritizing education is the only right way forward, because of its comprehensiveness and long-term prosperity.

Writing Feedback / Priority: The happiness of the majority vs the rights of individuals? [3]

Hi there!
i really need some amendments for this essay! plz!
Question:
Is the happiness of the majority more important than the rights of the individuals?

Answer:
The theme of happiness was always hot one and had various priorities. A vast amount of people believe that the happiness of the majority is more important, while others claim that the rights of individuals have priority. From my point of view, the happiness of the majority is more important.

Firstly, there is a saying in our culture "Happiness is real, when it is shared". Moreover, it is impossible to feel happy among unhappy people. Nevertheless, society, itself, can help you forget all your woes and make you happy. Once, a group of 50 people was attending a seminar. Suddenly, the speaker stopped and started to give a balloons to each person. He asked them to write their names on balloons. Then all the balloons were collected and put in another room. Then he asked them to find their own balloons in 5 minutes, but nobody could. Then they were asked to randomly collect and give to the person, whose name was written on it. Within 5 minutes, everybody had his/her own balloons. Then speaker said - our happiness lies in the happiness of other people. In this sense, you can get your happiness, if you help to others enough to get theirs.

Secondly, there is a sense such "patriotism", which implies being able to sacrifice his/her own happiness for making your countrymen happy. For example, people such as Jaloliddin Manguberdi, Temur Malik, Shyrak, could sacrifice their lives in order to protect others from enemies, who could make a vast amount of people miserable. Moreover, one of the main problems of the modern society is that people prioritize their over society's happiness.

In conclusion, I once again restate that the priority of the happiness of society over the rights of individuals is more important and can be considered as a right way forward.

Writing Feedback / Ielts: The population growth! each period of time had different leaders [5]

This column graph illustrates the information about different population growth rates in some of the world's super cities. Between 1975 and the year 2000/ some of the cities are shown to experience changes in population, but within individual cities and in comparison with other cities. The indications are shown in millions.

First and foremost, this graph rose gradually from 1975 to 2000 and it had only upward trends.
One must note that Mexico City by 2000 was the most crowded city and the highest indication belonged to it (24 million), whereas the last index in 2000 belonged to Aires (14 million).

To begin with, in 1975 Tokyo and New York cities had unmatched numbers of population, but they stayed stable till 2000 and the index increased insignificantly. The same cannot be observed with Sao Paulo, because it had not so significant number of population in 1975, but by 2ooo it arrived at its climax (21 million).

In 1990, Mexico City, Tokyo, Sao Paulo had almost the same indications (about 19 million) and these cities dominated in this period. But by 2000, the distinctions among the populations of these cities increased.

By way of conclusion, the numbers of population in these cities were various in every period and almost each period had different leaders.
(213 words)

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Writing Feedback / Ielts: Causes of worldwide land degradation; 'over-grazing' [3]

The pie chart demonstrates the primary causes why the lands, which have been used for agriculture are becoming less productive. The table illustrates three continents as an example during the 1990s in percentages.

To begin with, the principal reason why agricultural lands of the world are becoming less productive is over-grazing (35%), whereas the least percentage belongs to other reasons (7%).

However, these percentages are different in particular areas. As a salient example, I can give Europe. Because this continent's lands are mostly degraded by deforestation (9.8%), while over-grazing (5.5%) has the least percentage. But the same cannot be said about North America, because most of its lands are worsened by over-cultivation (3.3%). Moreover, this continent has the lowest percentage of total land degradation (5%), whereas Europe and Oceania have quite high percentages. One must note that Oceania doesn't spoil its lands by mean of over-cultivation (0%).

To sum up, every reason differs from area to area and has unmatchable percentages of land degradation.

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Writing Feedback / Ielts task 2: Parents vs teachers: development of a child. [4]

Some people think that parents are the main influence on a child's development. Others, claim that teachers are more important.

The theme of child's development has been always hot one. However, there are various thoughts about who is responsible for it and who has more impact. The majority of people think that parents have the primary impact on it, whereas others claim that teachers are more important. Personally, I think that both sides are vitally essential for such development and the combination of parents and teachers could be the most appropriate course of action.

Firstly, for the majority of children their parents are their role models. In this sense, they always try to take after them and as a result they become similar to their parents day by day. Hence, parents have a huge impact on children's development and are people who configure child's outlook. However, in earlier times, parents had enough time to develop, to teach, to behave their children, but now both mother and father are at work. As a result, they don't have enough time to be engaged with the development of children. That is why, the number of juvenile delinquency is increasing day by day. So, in modern life teachers have priority in influencing on child's development.

Secondly, one must admit that teachers are people, who give to children education. In this sense, though, the education system is the same all over the country, but every teacher has his/her own style of teaching and ideas. Consequently, during the lesson every teacher will try to indoctrinate his/her own ideas and positions. Hence, they also have a immense impact on configuring the outlook of a child.

By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm that the combination and supportive work of both sides is the best way forward.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Technology impact on people; Earth has become like a small village [10]

Topic:
Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development.

Answer:

Nowadays, the Earth has become like a small village. In the course of the last hundred years, the way majority of people communicate with each other has been altered significantly because of technology. But there are vast amount of disputes whether it is positive or negative. From my point of view, this development was a very positive one in spite of its some drawbacks.

To begin with, nowadays, to keep in touch with loved ones in faraway places has become easy than ever. Technology revolutionized the way we communicate and in present, it is almost possible to do everything without tete-a-tete. By means of some software such as Skype, MSN, Whatsapp we can get in touch with everybody whenever we want. For example, in earlier times, people didn't leave for faraway places, because they could easily get lost. This is also one salient prove that the development of technology was a very positive.

Further, by means of some communication tools, it has become very easy to make new friends. According to statistics, 40% of people met even their life partners via Internet. In this sense, Internet is a basic tool to keep in touch with old and make new friends.

However, the other side of the coin is that, by communicating via Internet or phone, we cannot express our ideas and feelings fully, because during such conversations, some of our words can make a completely different sense. As a result, the rate of divorces is increasing day by day.

By way of conclusion, I once again restate my position that the development of technology impacted on the means of communication among people very positively by making it easier and more comfortable.

(281 words)

Writing Feedback / Ielts task 2: Who is responsible for helping to poorer nations. [9]

Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic.

Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves?

You should write at least 250 words.
Use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and with relevant evidence.

Answer:

My grandmother always used to say "happiness is real, when it is shared". Indeed, in the modern world, there are a vast amount of poor and rich countries. Who is responsible to help poorer nations? Some people claim that it is a duty of everyone, whereas others believe that only the governments of developing nations are responsible for such action. Personally, I completely agree with the words of my grandmother and believe that the duty of wealthy nations is to help to poorer ones.

First and foremost, one must note that no country was poor from the get-go. In this sense, one of the principal reasons why some countries are poorer is that the resources of these nations were taken by force. For example, the United Kingdom is so wealthy country, because in earlier times it conquered a lot of nations and used the resources of others for nothing. As a result, the UK has become so rich by making others poorer. So, some countries must pay back their debts and provide them with food and education.

Secondly, one must admit that the Earth provides enough resources for every man, woman and child to live comfortably. However, there are some people in power that choose to hoard it all. As a result, 50% of all wealth of the Earth belongs to 20% of people. From my point of view, the wealth of the world must be allotted in a proper way. Even from the point of humanity, man's duty is to help to each other.

In conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that the governments of rich nations must be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education.

(288 words)

Writing Feedback / Ielts task 2: Benefits and drawbacks of having several careers. [3]

Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic:

The idea of having a single career is becoming an old fashioned one. The new fashion mil be to have several careers or ways of earning money and further education will be something that continues throughout life.

Use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.

Answer:

In our culture there is a proverb "For a person, even 70 crafts is not enough". Indeed, nowadays this proverb is being implemented all over the world. As a result, every person is trying to have several careers and several sources of earning money. Simultaneously, education is becoming something, which lasts throughout life. Personally, I agree with the proverb and support several-career lifestyle.

To begin with, the more careers you have, the more money you get. In this sense, you'll have more opportunity to provide your family financially and give better education to your children, because good education costs a lot of money. For example, if you have a single career, you will be good at a single field of life. But, several careers will help you to be universal and have multiple knowledge.

Further and even more importantly, several-career lifestyle will help to wider your outlook. For example, during work time, a person will meet a lot of people and communicate with them. As a result, a person will start to liberalize and think out of box. In this sense, the person with several jobs will have more opportunity to wider his/her horizons.

However, some people claim that the person with more than 1 job will not have enough time for a family. But I would argue that such stereotype is suitable for ancient times, because at that times people worked whole day and whole week. However, nowadays people have more spare time after work and can easily maintain several employments.

By way of conclusion, it is my strong believe that the benefits of several-career lifestyle outweigh its drawbacks, because it makes easier to supply family and makes our mindsets wider.

(282 words)