Writing Feedback / Staying well-informed in this time and age is simple, but which information is true and which is not [7]

Hello~ May I request a proofread or honest comments for my essay? It's a toefl essay.

Subject: In order to stay well-informed, people should get information from various news sources.

The Internet has evolved to a state where no one can fully control just like a powerful fountain sprouting information everywhere, not to mention that journalism have gotten much easier and more abundant compared to the past. Nevertheless, if one wishes to stay well-informed, they shouldn't simply accumulate news from various sources for the reason that the information is fabricated or the majority of biased information will influence them negatively.

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Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Television advertising directed toward children under the age of five should not be allowed. [6]

Television advertising directed toward children under the age of five should not be allowed.

Television advertising is one of the greatest advertising businesses in the world of marketing since there are specific advertisements dedicated to the demographic and location. Therefore, television advertising should not be directed towards children under the age of five because it will not be efficient and can obstruct children education.

As mentioned before, television marketing is a colossal marketing investment. There are specific layouts and factors which professionals scheme and predict to fully exploit the advantages of television advertising. However, five-year-old children will barely comprehend any advertisement, let alone watch the television on their own whim. Even if they do watch several television advertisements, five-year-olds are not capable of desiring or even expressing the desire to their parents. With a demographic of five-year-olds, television advertising professionals will have a difficult time imagining a short advertisement drawing attention from both the targets and parents simultaneously. There are reports of how children under the age of eight cannot differentiate commercials from programs. Indeed, an advertisement is worthless if the target cannot even comprehend what it is that they are trying to sell. Therefore, television advertising directed toward children under the age of five should not be allowed for the efficiency of advertising is not worth investing.

Although children under the age of five cannot comprehend or distinguish commercials from programs, this does not necessarily mean the children will not be influence. Letting a child sit and stare at the flashing screen for long periods will steadily change how their mind works. Like a virus propagating in the human body, these commercials will grow inside the child and as a result, the act of watching television will transform from a hobby to a tenacious habit. In effect, when these children begin their education, they will have a difficult time concentrating on classes or on their homework since their minds are already suited to concentrate on flashing images from a television instead. Hindering children's education can result to a dangerous and arduous future which is why nothing should block children's education and television commercial is no exception. In order to preserve children's education, television advertisements directed for children under the age of five should not be established.

Television commercials dedicated to five-year-old children is out of the question because it is unproductive for the market as much as harmful for children's education. (388)

Thank you in advance. Any comments are greatly appreciated.

Undergraduate / People learn more by watching TV - the news updates incessantly feeds information to its watchers [8]

People learn more by watching television than by reading books. Agree or disagree?

It is true how books encourage creativity and intelligence due to the various genres books offer to its readers. However, people learn more by watching television because the television provides prominent colorful visuals and the news updates incessantly feeds information to its watchers.

It is obvious that the television has a great advantage over books in teaching by its colorful illustrations. With illustrations, learners will process the information in their minds faster and the data will be more memorable due to the striking pictures they see. While as an author of a book will have to be incredibly creative to impress the readers with their words and text. With its colorful visuals, televisions definitely have the upper hand of educating the audience. The famous Discovery Channel is a prime example of a television show that educates its audience quickly and remarkably. The show, with its descriptive narration and high quality pictures, can portray the history of the Civil War within an hour while as it would take a six hours to research everything by books. Therefore, televisions can teach its audience better and more efficiently than books since they lack the distinctive colors and visuals televisions have.

In addition to the television's prominent feature of visuals, televisions also have the news channel which feeds the audience with recent global events within every 12 hours. This instant service is unparalleled to the lagging speed of publishing books. In order to publish a book, one must write at least 100 pages, cite all sources used for research, edit any mistakes or errors, and finally have a company promote it on the bookshelf. This cycle alone takes more than a month or even a year which by then, the news would have broadcasted over 150 news reports. News channels like the BBC updates their news almost instantaneously, full of verified facts and interesting events. The conspicuous advantage to quickly update watchers with new information cannot be simulated with books. Therefore, people would absolutely learn more by watching television.

In conclusion, televisions have the supremacy in educating their audiences over books due to their colorful visuals and immediate updates in news. (360)

Any comments will be appreciated greatly! Thanks!

Writing Feedback / Lately, many high school students try to search for a job instead of going to universities; TOEFL [5]

Universities and high schools should teach students about specific careers and fields instead of general subjects.

Lately, many high school students try to search for a job instead of going to universities, refusing to study any other subjects unrelated to their job. However, universities and high schools should continue teaching students general subjects because these subjects are rudimentary for any education and this education provides everyone the equal chance to experience all subjects.

First, the general subjects taught in high school are all basic education which is essential to learn other advanced subjects. Without any basic knowledge of other subjects, countless obstacles will prevent comprehension from everyday events or trivial situations. For example, if one wants to be an engineer, they must understand the basic concepts of physics and math. At times, English will come to use when reading a manual for a complicated gadget. Without any knowledge of these rudimentary subjects, it's impossible to work at maximum capacity and eventually be replaced with someone who is well educated without any limits. Such trivial education can turn to a major flaw if unattended and neglected. This is why high schools and universities should continue teaching students basic subjects so that their capability will not be restrained by their lack of wit.

Second, these general subjects offer everyone the chance to experience the variations of subjects in the field of subjects. This opportunity is once in a lifetime and incredibly vital in the future. This allows one to ponder about their future and their preferences on the subjects. Not only will this provide them profound insight but also the chance to pave their own path to their dreams. Compared to a student who dedicates his life to math in order to be a mathematician, a student who has experienced all subjects and weighed the pros and cons would be more likely to succeed in life in happiness and satisfaction. True, the mathematician will also live a successful life, but it will also be repetitive and dull, solving math equations endlessly while the other will have different views and distinctive hobbies as a result of learning various subjects. This comparison proves that high schools and universities should teach students regular subjects instead of teaching specific fields and subjects.

Studying for a single field of subject may grant specific jobs, but their lives will be colorless and redundant. Therefore, high schools and universities should teach general subjects since it is the foundation of education and it provides the priceless opportunity to experience all subjects. (405)

Any comments will be appreciated greatly! Thank you again!

Writing Feedback / Most people have watched a comedy show on TV with their families at least once in their lives; TOEFL [6]

The purpose of television should be for education, not for entertainment. Agree or disagree?

Most people have watched a comedy show on television with their families at least once in their lives. The feeling of laughing together alongside family members is a powerful emotion undistinguishable to other emotions. Television was and is the prime tool for entertainment for families, friends, lovers, and even pets. Therefore, the purpose of television should never be for education because the entertainment industry will plummet drastically and the charming points of individual culture will disappear.

Every year, numerous prominent actors who dedicated their lives on screens, are heralded for thousands of awards and honorable mentions. This fact alone indicates that the entertainment industry is immense and ranks as one of the most prosperous market of any markets. These actors and actresses make millions of dollars and most of this income is from dramas, game shows, or talks which are all displayed on the television. If the television was to be restricted to show only education channels, through what means will these actors display their work to? Indeed, to alter the purpose of television to education is the same act of dismissing every actor on screen which would drastically decrease profit from acting. To be more specific, there are thousands of crew members required to product a single television show. To dismiss every member would cause a colossal recession and unemployment. The US's main profit is through entertainment and they will surely suffer from depression. As anyone can see, the effect of this is too risky and dangerous. Therefore, the thought of switching the objective of the television to education is downright preposterous for it will debilitate the entertainment industry and cause a major unemployment dilemma.

In addition, television's purpose was originally for entertainment and the audience happily accepted it with open arms. Altering the very core of television will no longer please the audience which will result the television getting neglected heavily. In effect, the word 'television' will no longer be associated with everyday jargon for it has changed and abandoned its original purpose. Television is a major part of culture, displaying the uniqueness of the things around people. We learn how to make dishes, where to travel, and how to exercise using the television. Not only that, teenagers listen to the latest music, watch sport outcomes, and laugh at comedy shows through the television. To change the purpose of television would be ripping a major part of culture away as well. For example, if Korean television changed into education, the nation would be in an uproar. In Korea, it is customary to always gather other friends and family members to watch a soccer game together. These mad soccer fans would have no other means to watch their proud players going against another country. To change the television would be altering the very core of culture of a country. Thus, televisions should never reverse to education because that would destroy the culture of a country.

To summarize, televisions cannot change into education because it would drastically debilitate the entertainment market and destroy a country's culture.
(506)

Thank you so much! Any comments will be greatly appreciated!

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: environment issues are far too difficult for ordinary people to comprehend [3]

Agree or disagree: because environmentalist issues are very complex, indivisuals can do nothing about them on their own.

NOTE: This is a TOEFL essay; an essay limited to 30 minutes. I admit I have exceeded the time limit to an estimated 5 min. I spent too much time pondering on the hook of my intro. Please let me know if I can fix anything or if I said unnecessary sentences. Thank you!

When the industrial revolution took place back in the 1800's, many workers were oblivious to what would happen to the atmosphere if they continued to emit pollution in the air. This neglect of science evolved to the great global warming dilemma the present environmentalists face these days. However, the public does not understand the situation entirely just like the workers back in the 1800's because the complexness of science. Despite the complexness of environmental issues, individuals can nevertheless, mitigate the whole problem even with the most trivial actions such as conserving energy or donating and supporting green organizations.

Environmental issues are indeed intricate and delicate to the point how years of studies are required to fully understand the logic and science behind these issues. However, individuals do not necessarily have to understand the situation to alleviate the issue. Even the simplest actions of turning off an unused lamp or recycling plastic bags can grow to create a tremendous change to global warming and excessive waste. To be specific, if the people of a whole country conserve energy and recycle, the outcome is clean air for both nature and people to enjoy and stable economy without overusing recyclable objects. Now imagine the colossal impact if the whole world was to preserve energy and recycle. Environmentalists will no longer have to plan deeper strides to prevent toxic emissions from factories or decaying earth from abundant garbage. In addition, the world will remain clean for nature and mankind to prosper together. This ideal world dreamed from environmentalists can be turned to reality if we, as residents of Earth, cooperate with and sacrifice for each other. Although the environment issues are beyond comprehension for the majority of people, this majority group can trigger a humongous change even with the most trivial act like conserving energy or reusing recyclable objects.

In addition, individuals can support green organizations fighting against propaganda to preserve Earth by donating or spreading word about environment issues to others. Organizations like Greenpeace are currently on the move to protect the world from corrupted governments ignoring their demands on abating emissions. In order to complete this quest, organizations require financial support which is where individuals come in. Even if a single man were to donate one dollar, an elementary school containing 200 children can profoundly support any organizations and even contribute the war against pollution. Also, by spreading word of environment issues, more people would be aware of it and thus refrain from buying surpluses of environmentally harmful products and avert to purchasing eco-friendly products. In effect, having the public aware of environmental issues can alter the market to benefit assiduous environmentalist battling arduously against pollution and waste. Thus, by supporting these organizations by donation and cautioning others, individuals can make a significant impact on the environment without knowing the complexity behind these issues.

In conclusion, environment issues are far too difficult for ordinary people to comprehend, but nevertheless, this does not necessarily mean that these individuals are completely useless. By conserving energy as a whole world and supporting environmental organizations, they can make the greatest impact that can totally rejuvenate the world we live in now.

(526)

Thanks again!

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Today, life is easier and cozier than it was then out grandparents were young. [2]

Hello everyone... I might need a hand here. I usually complete my essays and ask for revisions and comments, but it appears I'm stuck on this topic. I have my first point all written down, and my initial second point was that environment problems arose which is why life today is more difficult, but my examples were pretty low quality and I screwed-up my organization... Any suggestions for my second point? Thanks.

TOPIC: AGREE OR DISAGREE: Today, life is easier and cozier than it was when our grandparents were young.

The reason why the dogma, 'Respect your grandparents' is so famous is because they have experienced war and poverty which provided them wisdom that is beyond comprehension for youngsters. Nevertheless, the world the present generation live is far more complicated than the world of our grandparents which created new and even more challenging dilemmas. Life today is far more intricate and taxing because the present generation have darkness in their hearts.

Compared to the past where our grandparents lived, the present is a fantasy where we can simply contact each other with a simple gadget, or watch an education program on a large box with a screen. We may enjoy our comfortable lives, ordering food or supplies with the touch of a button, but deep inside this cozy world, a dark shadow resides in everyone's hearts. This looming darkness is anxiety and fear of failure. To be specific, people fear themselves because failure is less tolerant compared to the past for a single blunder can completely alter the coarse of a prominent business organization to plummet downhill. In turn, this fear leads people to achieve everything they can so that they will not create any mistakes during work. This leads to a problem where it is even more difficult to stand out among all these other people who have achieved the same goals. In effect, people have become mindless similar robots trying to fulfill their identical goals: never make a mistake. This change creates a ominous atmosphere that prevents one to comfortably work at their leisure pace but to stay alert at every trivial act. Therefore, life today is less easier and cozier than the past.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Is it better to watch serious movies that are designed to make you think than just to watch? [5]

TOEFL Agree or Disagree: It's better to watch serious movies that are designed to make you think than to watch movies that are primarily designed to amuse or entertain.

Hello again. This is another TOEFL essay. Take your time reading this! The subject really caught me off guard... If you ever read my other essays, you'd know that I rarely express my own opinions, so this is a new style and I want to know how it is. Any comments are greatly appreciated! Thanks!

The feeling of leaving the theater with your family or friends while laughing at the amusing movie is overwhelmingly cozy and affectionate. The funny jocular movie creates a sense of home, a place where you want to just stay and doze off along with the people you love. Although the serious, profound movies with prominent directors and prestigious actors are top of the charts, I find the lesser, simple, amusing movies to stand out more.

Movies that are too serious are often quite complicated. As a movie fanatic myself, I dislike the feeling of confusion and befuddlement as I leave the stage. A movie is created for entertainment which is why I think I should be leaving the cinema happy and amused. To elaborate, these serious movies are quite difficult to watch because it constantly keeps me thinking and making mental notes to myself on exactly what is going on. Personally, I feel serious movies are like dull lectures trying to teach me a lesson in life but always deviates from the main idea so that I may solve the answer myself. The feeling of being toyed in my mind with circumlocution is not my cup of tea. In fact, some simple amusing movies made for children is actually better at portraying these lessons in life. Take Disney's Lion King for example, a musical movie about a young lion prince going back home. Although this movie may look childish on the outside, the details are very serious and dark. The lion prince's father was murdered and the prince have abandoned his responsibility as prince to lead his people after his father and have ran away, forgetting the tormenting memory of his father's death. The movie taught me not to ignore my responsibilities and to head the truth no matter how grotesque it is. I prefer to watch amusing movies because they depict lessons in life far better than the complicated serious movies.

In addition, trying to watch a serious movie with my family is quite difficult and uncomfortable. I, myself, often go to the cinema with my younger sister and we always regretted watching a serious movie together instead of watching a comical one. The mood is awkward because the movie confused the both of us so we spend the rest of the day trying to figure out exactly what the movie was about in our heads. Even if we tried to talk about it, with varying opinions and perspectives, we never got to reach a satisfactory conclusion. On the other hand, when we watch a jolly movie together, we leave the theater smiling ear to ear and holding hands, skipping away as we laugh at the final joke at the end of the movie. We rehearse the funny moments of the movie and laugh again and again. This feeling of happiness is incredible and I prefer this feeling over the clumsy, damp feeling after a serious movie with all my heart. Since I watch movies with my younger sister all the time, I prefer to spend our day with laughter and smiles from a jovial movie instead of brooding over the complex details of a serious movie.

To summarize, I prefer to watch amusing movies over serious movies because the movie creates a simple charm of presenting serious life lessons through colorful characters and the feeling of ease and happiness with another precious person.

Thanks again!