FirmanRomadhon20
Sep 15, 2016
Undergraduate / There is only one occasion that solidly marked my transition from my childhood. Soccer -- Chemistry [4]
Hi Tungphan, This is good writing, I just have some suggestions for you.
1. There are many things WHICH (it is better rather than using THAT) MAKE me becoming WHO I AM today.
2. "I was bored, walking alone one afternoon ...".
They should be: ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE AFTERNOON, I was bored WHEN I WALKED ALONE in around houses of my new neighborhoods.
3. "Day by day, I practiced in the backup team while looking at the other ..."
They should be: Day by day (day after day / day to day) I practiced FOOTBALL FROM THE BACKUP TEAM while I looking at the other team training it across the stadium. I HOPE I CAN BE ONE OF THEM IN THE FUTURE TIME.
Hi Tungphan, This is good writing, I just have some suggestions for you.
1. There are many things WHICH (it is better rather than using THAT) MAKE me becoming WHO I AM today.
2. "I was bored, walking alone one afternoon ...".
They should be: ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE AFTERNOON, I was bored WHEN I WALKED ALONE in around houses of my new neighborhoods.
3. "Day by day, I practiced in the backup team while looking at the other ..."
They should be: Day by day (day after day / day to day) I practiced FOOTBALL FROM THE BACKUP TEAM while I looking at the other team training it across the stadium. I HOPE I CAN BE ONE OF THEM IN THE FUTURE TIME.