Writing Feedback / Movement away from written exams to practical skills.Discuss this trend [2]

These days, besides written papers , many universities have been applying other forms of assessment like practical or oral testing.

Some people claim that there are considerable benefits to be gained from written exams, compared to practical testing methods.

This is the reason why this form of assessment has existed for a long time and it has kept its popularity till now.

However, written testing is criticized that it can not test the overall skills of students.

In addition, sometimes, students achieve good results because they memorize knowledge rather than understand it.

On the other hand, alternative assessment methods are believed to bring huge advantages and help to improve the ways of testing student ability.

For example, in some Master Business Administrative programs, students are asked to give presentations or work as part of a team to solve problems together.

Furthermore, by doing practical exercises, students will become familiar with practice and the requirements of work, so they will be well prepared for their profession in the future.

In conclusion, although written exams are still popular because they are easy to apply, a range of practical methods are gradually becoming more common.

The new assessments help to test some skills that can not be tested through the former method.

:)

Undergraduate / 'pianist's fingers' - Commonapp about personal activity -- School Choir [3]

The pianist's fingers began dancing and music flew out of the black, giant monster. ---I think it would flow better as 'the giant black monster'.

The conductor winked at us, so I started singing while my throat was burning.

I tried to blend my voice with the chorus; soon I could ...

:)

Undergraduate / Why choosing Web Development major: Drexel App Essay [3]

Back I turned to computers, where I finally discovered my real interests: web development and media design.

Starting with my parent's website, I have come a long way from creating simple designs, to building fully functional sites.

As the world has turned almost completely digital, data no longer appears handwritten on pieces of paper, and art has transitioned from paint to pixels.

So too, have my interests from my childhood merged together , and conformed to these new world standards.

With these prerequisites, however, I need to go somewhere with them, hone in on the skills which they require, and learn how to put them into practical use for the future.

:)

Undergraduate / "Never stop exploring" Villanova Supplement 2013 [2]

"I think we're lost." Those are never comforting words to hear.---Great opening!

At camp, the leaders ease you into backpacking with shorter trips and day hikes, and our first big hike was to "the falls".

Realizing we were lost, we struggled to retrace our steps, to little avail.

As the sun dropped lower and lower into the Sierra Nevada horizon , I realized that we might not get home that night.

As the hot Sierra day had turned into a cold S ierra night, we huddled together in the cold.

Once home, my group made a pledge.

We had all been terrified by what had happened to us, but we pledged to keep hiking and backpacking, even though we had seen the worst of it.

:)

Essays / UC where I'm from - shall I talk about being Lebanese? [3]

Oh, if I were you, I'd start the essay with a fitting quotation from (my favorite author) Kahlil Gibran. He was also from Lebanon, and I believe that if you open 'The Prophet' you'll have inspiration and the words you're looking for will come easily.

:)

Undergraduate / 'Columbia Area Career Center' - Nursing Essay [2]

It is a beautiful thing to use your knowledge and capability to perform such a powerful role in a life as well as the workplace.

I know that I have what it takes to accomplish anything, and nursing gives you such a feeling of self-worth that it would make...

I firmly believe that my eagerness to learn, to help people, and personality along...

:)

Undergraduate / SCAD - Statement of Purpose - Illustration Major (does it fit requirements?) [2]

Ability has the potential to be wasted by those without inspiration, and that is something I desire to change.---This is a really good point.

I've always had a feeling that a mundane office job was not for me.

The idea of being trapped within the ever-shrinking walls of a cubicle horrified me and still does to this day.

By doing so, I hope to prepare myself for a job I love doing , to learn to express myself, and to provide inspiration to others in the process.

:)

Undergraduate / 'Senior student's pressure' - medicine, radiotherapy Essay applying to universities [2]

Myself, I have nothing more than my hard works and enthusiasm towards health care, and a wish of your understanding.

Being the publicity officer of the Students' Association, I have become confident in speaking in front of the public and have improved my communication skills .

Joining the Innovative Energy Design Competition made me realize the scientific knowledge that is in this everyday modern world.

I always find my own value through serving others .

I have joined different kinds of voluntary work, including visiting the elderly, organizing games for children to play, taking trips with the disabled...

For example, I know that most elderly cannot walk fast and it is a warm action to walk at their pace.

Academically, if I have problem with a math question, I review my answer.

To alleviate it, I exercise regularly and share my personal feelings with my parents.

Due to my strong interest toward science and a heart of willing to serve, I would like to continue to further my studies in health care.

:)

Graduate / Bilingual and Spanish speech therapy -Speech-Language Pathology grad school statement [2]

Throughout my undergraduate career, I have made it a priority to gain experience with a wide variety of clients and age groups, in order to hone the population that I am best suited to working with.

During this past summer, I challenged myself as a clinician (and ?) a speech-pathology intern in Costa Rica.

The commitment and dedication of both parties to the improvement of speech and language skills was truly inspiring and has further shaped my chosen career path.

Majoring in speech-pathology and studying Spanish as a secondary major has allowed me to simultaneously acquire skills to help those with language difficulties, while overcoming the...

In many ways, this has created a depth of patience and compassion towards my clients.

:)

Undergraduate / 'The longhouse children' - experience shaped me / COSMOS and my brother [5]

I wanted desperately to blend in , to look like I knew what I was doing.

Initially, the vast unfamiliarity of the Iban society overwhelmed me; my self-consciousness dominated, assuring me that pretending to understand their culture would be safer than admitting my ignorance.

Indeed, I came to love the Iban culture, and learned to appreciate the excitement of the unfamiliar. I risked my integrity to explore the unknown, and my pride suffered little, compared to the tremendous knowledge I gained.

---------------------------------------------------------------------- --

Rather than observing politely and nodding where appropriate, checking my adventurous urges, I shrieked ecstatically at stories and climbed trees, always out of breath from laughing.---You are an amazing writer!

He had helped me pull out baby teeth, eagerly offering various primitive or violent ideas, and more than once trying to stick his little hands in my mouth; he had consoled me when I lost my Barbies, remorseful that he had cut their hair or ripped their heads off; and he had taught me to enjoy myself, demonstrating on a regular basis, multiple techniques for not doing work.

It was a pleasure to read your essays, they were very interesting and thought provoking. Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / 'Mu Alpha Theta' Short Response Common Application [2]

Last year after elected as President, I took the initiative to make substantial changes to the society.

You are an excellent writer! Your essay shows your intelligence and personality, your passion for math and organizational skills. Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Scholarship / formal letter for applying phd position - show me the mistakes [2]

Once I completed my M.Sc. degree, I joined Prof. XXX's Membrane research centre at XXX University.

The main focus of my research has been the fabrication and modification of polymeric nanofiltration and the nano-composite membranes resulted in the publication of some attached papers.

In membrane processes, fouling takes place as the restriction of the mass transports throughout the membrane, at outside and inside the membrane, during the filtration.

The motional behaviour of the nanoparticle contaminants in the porous structure of the membrane havethe considerable effects on the inside fouling, and this subject has a great potential to experimentally and mathematically do research.

It would be so much appreciated, if I am qualified, if you give me an opportunity to be a part of your research group and to be a PhD student under your supervision.

Enclosed are copies of my CV and recommendation letter, as well as the first page of my papers.

:)

Undergraduate / My painting performance - applying to college [2]

My desire to gain knowledge was, ---No comma here---of course, ---or here.-- the priority, but extracurricular classes fascinated me the most.

Everything was different, but as soon as I felt comfortable in the environment, I decided to join soccer; a new sport that I happened to love. it.

I started to paint, as it was an activity that could be confined to four walls of a room.

I mean in four years of moving toliving in the United States, how well can a person actually learn to write?

I went into depression but at the same time I developed my extreme interest in writing poems.

My job was to look after kids and plays games or do creative activities together.

I know that this passion of mine as a volunteer, and my participation in sports will continue to grow as I go to Penn State and will push me to play intramural.

:)

Undergraduate / UVA Essay: Discuss something you secretly like but pretend not to, or vice versa. [2]

... the baby-skin-smooth texture and warmth, the whispering of the steam, and last but not least, the explosion of flavor when my teeth sink into the chewy mass.

I could hardly find anything to edit. I really like the way you write, it's funny and well worded. It shows your personality and sense of humor. Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Writing Feedback / How many hours of 10-11 years old schoolchildren spent time on home activities [2]

The graphic shows how many hours of 10-11 years old schoolchildren spent time on home activities between televisions and computers from 2000 to present.

For an overview, in 2000, school children spent more time watchingtime on televisions more than on computers.

Then,it fell relatively to 15 hours per week in 2004 after that it fluctuated dramatically to present. ---Always leave a space after each comma.

On the other hand,schoolchildren spent 3 hours per week on computers,which was lower than televisions,in 2000.

:)

Undergraduate / 'Fantastic education and new stunning element' - UCF APPLICATION [2]

The first time that I heard of the University of Central Florida was in the fall of 2006 at a UCF-UF football game.

To this day, I can still clearly remember seeing Knightro and thinking what a complex fight song you had.

While I have changed my interests and preferred major, UCF has stayed my top choice.

If I had to guess, I'd say that It was that information session that really sparked my love for your university and started my fantasies of bleeding black and gold.

Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / UIUC essay "THE DREAM LIVES ON" - tell us something about yourself [2]

You might be wondering if this must be a reality show or an ...

I felt myself proud to be a part of it.

There were students coming from all over Texas/There were students comingand from the big cities of New York and Chicago to the farthest region of Alaska and Hawaii!

The video was very engaging, and one thing that was clear was that being a doctor is a great way to help people: exactly what I want to do.

I don't think you should keep the part that says, 'I was like, where are the patients'? because it sounds kind of immature or not so serious. Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Writing Feedback / 'my priorities and goals' - Meaning of life essay [2]

I believeThe world is inhabited by millions of individuals, each defining the meaning of life differently.

Corresponding to their personal activities and priorities; people choose a variety of paths inby which they can accomplish their main objectives in life.

Every event that happens has the power to change a person's life for better or for worse.

My life is a journey in which I am in a certain vehicle, and that vehicle is on a certain road headed toward a destination.

I have started on this expedition at the time that I was born.

As a young girl, I have set my priorities and goals such that pursuing them will grant me joy and happiness.

:)

Graduate / 'Aeronautics subjects' - SOP for SPACE TECHNOLOGY [2]

"A willing mind can reach the unreachable stars. " I strongly believe in these inspiring words.

This apartWe have also been introduced to Avionics Lab, Aircraft System Lab and Principles of management & Professional Ethics.

Meanwhile, I have undergone training Flight laboratory Experiments in Indian Institute Technology at Kanpur.

After completing my graduation I was selected as Mechatronics Engineer at XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX, which is a vibrant and growing defense R&D sector in the country.

Later I joined withthe Communication Department, and began working with Telemetry system.

The agenda behind the "Erasmus Mundus" program initiated by the EU is indeed praiseworthy, and will go a long way towards creating not only technically sound engineers but harmonious and friendly relations between the European people and the citizens of the third world.

This master's degree would also go a long way towards decreasing the deficit that exists in technical skills in our part of the world.

:)

Undergraduate / 'Younger brother in Czech Rep / Academic and social life' - UCF Admission Essay [2]

Throughout my academic career, there have been many bumps in the road for me, both within my personal life and my academics.

When I was about seven years old, my parents got divorced, ---No comma here--- and my father remarried.

I believe I have always tried my hardest to help my mother out when it was needed.

I bring my younger brother to and from baseball practice on nights that I don't work, and I work two part time jobs to help my mother out a little with financial situations, and I am a full-time dual enrollment Practical Nursing student.

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I have always been a very indecisive person, always second guessing myself and wondering what people thought of me or my decisions. ---Here, you should mention that when it comes to choosing a college, there's no question or second guessing.---

:)

Undergraduate / Not easy, but worth; Common App- Travelling Bug [4]

When I was two months old I took my first plane ride the UK to visit my father's side of the family.

Ten years ago, and I still remember details like it was yesterday.

It was the trip of a lifetime and when I first caught the travelling bug.

She sent a letter home accusing me of lying and making up stories about my trip, so my own father took off work one day to come to school and show the teacher all the pictures of me and ended up giving a presentation to the students about China. ---That was awesome!

However that was only the beginning: five years later when I was twelve, my dad gave us the opportunity to move to South Korea.

I've seen the Eiffel Tower, Big Ben, The Great Wall of China, and the Korean DMZ all before I was eighteen.

Great essay!

:)

Graduate / "...Today is a gift, that is why it is called the present" - CASPA narrative for PA program [2]

Working with this population has taught me about patience, altruism, respect, and how inadequate healthcare continues to be a crisis for everyone.

I work in a government agency, and although the individuals I work with all receive the medical attention they...

For me, becoming a physician's assistant means being able to help those in need, despite disability, social status, ethnicity, or any other prejudice.

At times, working in my current profession can be very trying, both mentally and physically.

The physician's assistant was created to alleviate this issue---Are you sure about that?--- by delivering cost-effective services across diverse settings, rural to overpopulated and under served.

...and I feel the physician's assistant career is the correct path for me, as they are dedicated to lifelong learning, creating positive patient relationships, and community service.

:)

Undergraduate / Undergrad essay needs help for evaluate [2]

Some people don't believe in luck for their success.

I, ---No comma here--- personally think you need both, a little bit of luck and a lot of hard work can achieve your goals.

Hard work contains determination, devotion and commitment to stay focused on your success.

It takes times , works and consistency .

Sometimes hard work really pays off like in losing weight.

I have to be determined and commited to myself.

I have to go to the gym every day to work out and watch on my eating habits . In this case, luck couldn't do anything but hard work will help me to achieve my goal.

Sometimes life is simple but a mystery in some way.

I believe all these successful people sometimes need a little bit of luck, but a lot of hard work all the time.

:)

Undergraduate / Biomass letter [2]

I understand that your company wants to build a bio-mass plant in your company . ---Did you mean to write 'in your town'?

There are many values and will consent to build the biomass plant. ---This sentence doesn't make sense to me, I think you should revise it.

Biomass energy comes from plants and animals which contain stored energy from the sun, and it's renewable.

Biomass is converted into methane gas and transportation fuels that are usable forms of energy.

:)

Undergraduate / graphic design Massart essay; graphic designers are as skilled as other artist [3]

However, graphic design is just as valid of an art form as any other, and I believe it is the most interesting.

Using these same principles in my paintings and drawings has definitely improved them greatly.

She is such a modern person today , which has many advantages, especially when teaching students who want to work as graphic designers, a very modern form of art.

Because of my graphic design class, my teacher at myin high school, and at Summer ...

:)

Undergraduate / 'Years of being looked down upon have changed my life' (Personal Statement) [2]

I quickly then responded, "No Professor Lim! I'm actually 17 years old."

I was always the shortest girl in my class, and people would point fingers and laugh at me.

From being called to many nicknames such as short, midget, shrimp, or even "oompa loompa", I have learned to love and accept my height.

The people where I volunteer at were stunned by my height, which allowed me to easily connect with my volunteer advisers .

Everywhere I go, there is not a moment when someone doesn't approach me and question me about my height.

Rather than letting my height affect me negatively, I learned to look at it from an optimistic point of view.

:)

Undergraduate / 'scholarly warriors' - Stanford - Intellectual vitality [3]

Hundreds of high schools students from across the s tates and around the world congregated onto the campus of UCLA for the National Youth Leadership Forum on medicine; for me, it was an impressive display of talent and zeal, for learning from the country's brightest young intellects that left an unforgettable impression.

Perhaps it was the prospect of young minds searching for answers to difficult questions that caught on to me, but as I meandered...

For nearly two weeks, this group of nonconformists, a legion of scholarly warriors, banded together to overcome the a modern day epidemic...

Although I may never again get the chance to discuss neural pathways with an Alaskan girl I met, or talk about new ways to administer medications with a boy from Italy, I am genuinely excited about our future.

:)

Writing Feedback / 'Pursuance, never succeed in track again' - College Essay Revision [2]

For the first time ever, my life, my passion, my love for track, was fading away from me like a dream. --Nice sentence!

In the summer, prior to my track season of junior year, I was committed to training every day with my trainer and eating healthier.

To my surprise, I managed to sprint 4.76 seconds in the 40m. dash, which was awfully fast for a girl.

As time progressed, everything finally became clear .

Even though I was once blinded by devastation and hatefrustration from my failure, I finally realized my accomplishment.

I will continue to work hard inat everything I do. What ever obstacles life throws at me, I know I will be able to endure them .

:)

Undergraduate / Dribble, pull up, and shoot. Deeper into the Game - UC Prompt 2 [2]

I grabbed the ball and pitched it at the wall hoping that the ball would burst and give me a reason to simply go home and quit.

These are the moments where I wish my dad could support my decision to participate in sports and train me like all of my other teammates.

As a Korean basketball player, I don't necessarily receive the respect I deserve as an athlete, based on common stereotypes towards Asian people.

To psych myself up , I take a moment to remember their ecstatic faces.

... it has helped me master the art of endurance, independence, perseverance, responsibility and the most important skill I know, which is to keep heart.

It's appalling to see how something considered as just a sport could change your life forever for the better.

I've learned to go after what I want no matter how many obstacles I encounter, because my passion for the game surpasses any ability that my teammates or I show on the court and it has changed me into the person I will always be proud of being.

:)

Graduate / Quality patient healthcare on a holistic perspective - Western University Nursing Personal Statement [2]

This became an eye-opening experience, because for the first time in my life, I could actually engage in the operations of dental work.

This was an exhilarating opportunity for me to not only further expand my insight of the health field, but also to experience unprecedented direct patient care in a larger clinical setting.

In the two years spent rotating among different departments, (Medical Surgery/Definitive Observation Unit, Emergency Room, Obstetrics and Mother and Baby Care Unit), I had spent every shift working alongside nurses.

I performed vital sign procedures, bathed and fed patients, prepared patient rooms, sent specimens to the laboratory, obtained

Having acquired organization and maintenance skills at the dental clinic, as well as problem solving and communication skills from the internship, I am well prepared to take on the challenges associated with the nursing profession.

By combining both aspects, I am highly well-prepared for what the masters prepared nurse entails.

What many may perceive as the pressures of a job, I find invigorating and I anticipate challenges that keep me on my toes.

:)

Undergraduate / 'The negative stereotype' - Best advice I have ever recieved: Be Harsh! [3]

Throughout my short life, there was one piece of advice that kept reoccurring: ...

The integral meaning of "being Harsh" can be derived from the most simplistic and overlooked and piece of advice that we have all ...

My parents, being from India, didn't know much about the English language, and took it upon themselves to find the most...

Coincidentally , the word harsh in the English language is used to describe unpleasant severity, and this definition became a surprisingly large obstacle in helping me discover my identity.

As I have matured, I've discovered the triumph that was my name.

:)

Writing Feedback / Learning from Electronic Media: GRE essay topic [6]

Well, if you post what you have so far, we can send you in the right direction with your essay.

:)

Research Papers / Reviving the Victory Garden - English 102 Research Paper [2]

For some, it is a nuisance of landscape to keep up , a battlefield of toys to pick up or just the right size for a pool.

The super occupied lives of most suburban families leaves them wanting less yard maintenance, so the solution-cover it up with a solid surface such as rock, cement or pavers.

Gardening is the process of growing any assortment of living plants which can be edible or non-edible.

Urban gardening is the same, but also encompasses using all available space...A comma usually comes before the word 'but'.

From eating organic foods to exercise,from the labor of tending to the garden is good for you .

Preserving food means canning, freezing or dehydrating food for future use.

Storing food and water is the responsible thing to do for any family to be prepared in any instant .

They contain numerous health benefits over store bought eggs such as:

There is peace of mind in knowing no matter what happens: loss of employment, a natural disaster or increasing food prices, there will...

:)

Undergraduate / a special ability with music [2]

Instead of talking about violence and substance abuse, he decides to use his music to in order to show how the human mind works and what people yearn forthose things for which it yearns .

When I heard my first Nujabes track I thought, "Who are these people singing?" By listening to the amalgamation of these hip hop artists, I felt a connection towardswith the lyrics and I started to say to myself "Hey, I've been in a similar situation." Because of how Nujabes' music touched me, so I was shocked when news of his death came to America. I was mortified that he had died before his music could inspire and speak to more people. I felt that he had been cheated. Such talent and innovation was wiped offtaken from the world without evenbefore it was given a chance to shine. From this experience, I initially thought that life was unfair,.butBut as I listened to Nujabes again, I started to think differently.

Letters / "flexibility" - Letter of Intent for Substitute Teacher [7]

Please accept this letter of interest and the additional enclosures as application for the Substitute Teacher position posted on EdJoin. I was particularly excited to see a position open with the Lake Tahoe Unified School District, as I would like to contribute to a mutually beneficial teaching experience within the district.

During my employment with Monterey Unified School District, I substitute taught most subjects and age groups. Adapting my teaching style and classroom management techniques to the particular classroom environment were skills that I strengthened with practice and teacher collaboration. One of my greatest strengths is flexibility. This provides the capacity to walk into an unknown learning environment, analysisanalyze and adjust to the situation, to fosterwhich fosters a productive and eager classroom. My experiences have been cross-cultural, working with multi-linguistic learners from kindergarten to twelfth-grade, in advanced placement to special education classes. My varied professional endeavors meld prioritization, effective communication and multitasking skills with the ability to thrive in a high-pressure environment.

I believe you will find me to be a dedicated, flexible and nurturing educator who is determined to provide students with opportunities to successfully learn.learn with success . Thank you for your consideration,. I look forward to meeting with you

Undergraduate / Unexpected Lesson - Common App Essay [4]




Maybe you shouldn't use half-heartedly.





Great essay! As for the tone of the second paragraph, it sounds ok, but maybe you shouldn't use the word half-heartedly. It doesn't sound like you're bitter at the vice-president, because you said you didn't want to ruin your friendship by confronting her about it. Good work!

Undergraduate / 'life's conundrums and complications' - So where is Waldo, really? UChicago [7]

Great essay! Just a few grammatical errors:


should be "After all, aren't we all"


should be "representation of what makes Waldo, Waldo?"


should be "I say would have because the closest we" No comma needed.


should be "Pioneered by Watson, Crick and Wilkin, it took years of research, international collaborations and was certainly no mean feat." Should stay in past-tense.


should be "Waldo is within us and represents our travails and tribulations; only if we choose to look at it from such a perspective."

Great work!

Undergraduate / 'a part of the band' - Common app: extracurricular essay [2]

Being a part of the band has been one of my most rewarding high school experiences.

Later, I realized that I loved being a part of the large family of friends that most people knew as "the band kids".

I had a schedule conflict my junior year, which prevented me from being in the class.---Your essay would be much more personal if you write what instrument you played.

During the other seasons, there is pep band and concerts in which I play bass clarinet.

All of these performances, along with practice, took up a large portion of my time.

I learned the importance of dedication to a team, along with time management which was crucial in order to maintain a balance.

:)

Undergraduate / 'I struggled with depression. It affected every aspect of my life' [2]

Because of this child, I was able to overcome my depression and make mebecome a more positive, motivated individual.

This child's name was Tiffany and she could barely hear or talk.

Every Saturday, I was always partnered up with Tiffany and we did every activities together.

Even though Tiffany didn't have what others had, which was the ability to speak and hear, she was loving, compassionate, and humble.

I think this is coming along fine! Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / What work of art, music, science, etc has surprised, unsettled or challenged you? UVA [2]

The violins added their voices , singing a sorrowful tale of which only our minds and hearts could conjure.

I heaved a sigh, embarrassed by the tear I shed in this emotional roller coaster ride.

You are an amazing writer, descriptive, emotional and interesting. Good luck with school, though I don't think you'll be needing it!

:)