Posts by djanat

djanat

May 4, 2010

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: THE INTERNET - problems or information? 'most powerful media' [5]

PLEASE CHECK FOR ME MY TOEFL ESSAY. THANKS

Some people say that the Internet provides people with a lot of valuable information. Others think access to so much information creates problems. Which view do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Internet has becomes one of the most powerful media in the world. Almost people nowadays can access to it without any help or assistance. I think that internet really provides people with a lot of valuable information that can help them in their lives or their professional careers. There are a lot of factors that lead to put the internet in the first place to seek information.

First of all, people are not more patient, they want an easy way to get information. There are a lot of sources of information but the internet can be considered as the easiest source to provide the information needed. People have only to write their key of research and than the internet will research and give them the information they need. On the other hand people have not to try other methods or alternatives to get the information as they do before. They do not have to go to the libraries and search for the information by reading books. They have not also to ask other persons about the information that they need.

...

djanat

Apr 27, 2010

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: All high school students should be required to study foreign languages [4]

when you have a topic like this in TOEFL , you should follow this plan

introduction
1 st paragraph: reason or factore or advantage n*1
2nd paragraph: reason , factor or advantage n*2
3rd paragraph: reason , factor or advantage n*3
4 th paragraph :the refutation and counterargumentation;you have to talk about the
other position or opinion and give your point of view for this position.
conclusuion

so you have to change your introduction . you have to only state your opinion and in the 4 th paragraph you can say " some people believe that language should be optinal because not all students like studying language." this is the refutation. and then you give the counterargumentation by saying" i think the students in high schools can not distinguish what is beneficial for them to make a choice"

this is only an example.

you can also verify what am telling you, i am not an expert.

eign language classes in schools( YOU SHOULD GIVE ATTENTION TO THES DETAILS : HIGH SCHOOLS not schools) has acquired close attention in society( in society ; I FEEL SOMETHING IS WRONG HERE, I DO NOT WHAT .MAYBE YOU HAVE TO SAY " in THE society".

would like to illustrate some reasons to support my viewpoint. ( i was told that saying this , is wrong).

, which( i prefer using "THAT" enables ...)enables students to read and understand sophisticated historical records and literary heritage of that nation.

For example, I studied English before entering the university, but I was not very good at it. Only two years course of this language at high school increased my level to the point when I can read AND " understand J. London and J. Steinbeck in original.

instead, they have perfect opportunities to access works of literature and science offered in other languages. For example, most of azerbaijanian students while doing their research projects or assignments can easily exploit Russian and English sources since they have classes in these languages both at school and at university ( this example is very appropriate to the topic).

Based on aforesaid, I repute that at high schools students should be required to have three years of foreign language studying.( very short conclusion)

wow, no one grammar error. felicitation.

djanat

Apr 23, 2010

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: students are the only direct receiver of the work of their teachers [3]

please if you are able to chech this toefl essay ,give me your evaluation and critics

Schools should ask students to evaluate their teachers. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your
answer.

Teaching is one of the most important jobs. People who exercise this work should have some characteristics that allow them to success in taking student to a high level of education. A lot of methods are available to schools in order to evaluate their teachers, but I advocate totally the method that allows students to evaluate their own teachers .

Firstly, the students are the only direct receiver of the work of their teachers. When teachers give their courses, they address to students. Schools can not evaluate teachers only by the results of the exams. Students can give more evaluation than just score. They can reveal about the behavior of their teachers on class and outside. As we know, the work of teachers does not consist only in giving lessons, but to help students in their studies, to communicate with them and advice them on the educational subjects.

Secondly, some teachers need to be evaluated by their students to give more efforts. If the teachers know that they will be evaluated by their students, they will endeavor to make their students more satisfied of them. They will be more creative in the way they teach and make the students understand better their lessons. Therefore, the more the students are satisfied of their teachers, the better the teachers are evaluated.

Another reason for why schools should ask students to evaluate their teachers, is because schools should care about their students , not about their teachers. It is well known that schools are for students. If the students do not appreciate their teachers, how can they appreciate their studies . Teachers who are bad evaluated by their students have the possibility to change the schools where they work, or change their work. Students who do not appreciate their teachers have rarely the possibility to change their schools.

Some people think that when teachers are evaluated by their students, they can create a feel of a fear. I think that the teacher who gives all what they can and deal with their students in the best way have nothing to worry about. When teachers put the students in the centre of their preoccupation, they will wish to be evaluated by them.

Schools should ask students to evaluate their teachers , and integer them in making the decision about their teachers. This approach give more importance to students and it will shows more positive results in their education.

djanat

Apr 23, 2010

Research Papers / SENIOR RESEARCH PROJECT about Michael Jackson --HELP [12]

ou can search for a video traiting the life of michael jacson on msnbc.com , they have publisd all his relationships with compositors with others famous people around the world

djanat

Apr 16, 2010

Writing Feedback / TOEFL:living in the dormitories or in an apartment [3]

this is another toefl essay. please send me your feedback
Students at universities often have a choice of places to live. They may choose to live in university dormitories, or they may choose to live in

apartments in the community. Compare the advantages of living in university housing with the advantages of living in an apartment in the
community. Where would you prefer to live? Give reasons for your preference.

Nowadays, student who want to attend a university that is far from their hometown, have the possibility to live in the dormitories of the university or choose to live in apartment in the community. Bothe of the dormitories and the apartment has some advantages.

djanat

Apr 16, 2010

Undergraduate / How will IIT prepare you to be a positive contributor to the world? [5]

YOUR ESSAY IS COMPOSED OF TWO PARTIES
THE FIRST ONE (THE BEGINNING) IS A LITTLE WEAK ARGUMENTATION , YOU TALK ABOUT THE FRIENDSHIP . I THINK WHAT IS REQUIRED FROM YOU IS TO TALK ABOUT THE BENEFIT OF THE SCHOOL ITT TOWARD THE WORLD . SO YOU CAN TALK ABOUT WHAT ARE DOING NOW , OR ABOUT YOUR SPECIALITY.THE WOLRD IS NOT JUST FRIENDS

I THINK THE SECOND PARTY OF YOUR ESSAY HAVE MET THE PROPOSAL OF THE SUBJECT. IT WAS MORE INTERESTED , EVEN TOUGH YOU TALKED ABOUT HOW YOU SHOULD BE WITH PEOPLE.

OPENING A CENTRE LIKE THAT IS A GOOD IDEA , YOU SHOULD ARGUMENT MORE , AND GIVE THE RELATION BETWEEN YOUR DREAM AND THE ITT. HOW ITT WILL HELP YOU TO REACH THIS GOAL .

I SUGGEST YOU TO WRITE PLAN FOR YOUR ESSAY SUCH
TALK ABOUT ITT
WHAT ARE YOU STUDING IN ITT
WHY DID YOU CHOUSE THIS SPECIALITY
TALK ABOUT YOUR GOALS OR YOUR DREAMS
WHY DO YOU WANT THIS
THE BENIFIT OF THIS CENTRE FOR OTHERS
(ARGUMENT A LOT IN THIS POINT)
TALK ABOUT HOW WILL CONTRIBUTE IN THIS CENTRE
CONCLUSION

THIS IS JUST MY OPINION.

WHAT IS WONDERFUL IN YOUR ESSAY , THAT THERE ARE 0.5% ERRORS . CONGRADULATION. YOU HAVE JUST TO BASE ON YOUR IDEAS.

But the answer is simple than(IS SIMPLER THAN WHAT THEY THINK) they think. That is love and desire.

Becoming a student of Illinois Institute of Technology I will get the opportunity to be friends
(TO BE FRIEND....)with many scientists from whom I

Sometimes, even strong, intelligent, (AND)...

to encourage THEM...

be fiend with them or you can say BE FRIENDLY

djanat

Apr 10, 2010

Writing Feedback / TOEFL:children should begin their formal education at a very early age [3]

hi , is me again, please correct for me my essay. i need your advice also about my ideas . thanks

Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age and should spend most of their time on school studies. Others believe that young children should spend most of their time playing. Compare these two views. Which view do you agree with? Why?

Nowadays, most of children attend preparatory schools and primary schools at a very early age. There are two different points of view regarding this. Some of people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Other people think that children should spend most of their time playing. Actually, each point of view has some strong reasons to support their position.

People who believe that sending children to the school at a very early age is good, they think that it allows them to finish their studies earlier. There are a lot of people who have gotten their doctoral at a young age because they have begun their formal education at a very early age. They can now enjoy their lives with the educational success that they have reached. Also, children who begin their formal education at a very early age and spend most of time on school studies will gain the habitude to study. They will learn that study is an important thing in life. They will have the ability to study by themselves, and progressively the parents will not find any problem with the education of their children. In addition, people who endorse this point of view believe that children have all the life to play not only at the age of childhood. So, they have to focus on their study rather than spending most of time playing.

The other point of view, that controverts the first one, admits that young children have to take all the advantage from their childhood. They have to spend most of their time playing in order to feel the happiness , the comfort and the enthusiasm of life. However, spending most of time playing prevent children from having any regrets about their childhood. Because they have spend all the necessary time to play, and they will be plenty ready to study. Also, children who begin studying at very early age , will dislike the moments of studying, because they think that studying prevent them from playing , which every child wants to do at this age.

In my opinion, children should begin their formal education at a very early age. They have to spend most of time on their school studies. According to some research and studies, children can learn a lot at an early age. They are construing their mind , so they have to boost their intelligence and their memory by studying. Children can also have fun in studying. There are a lot of children who enjoy studying because their teachers or their parents use some funny examples or methods in teaching them.

In the childhood, children should have some equilibrium in what they do. The caregiver should manage the children's time between playing and studying. Children should know that life is not only playing or just studying. They should also respect the time for doing these.

djanat

Apr 5, 2010

Writing Feedback / TOEFL:plan activities for the free time [3]

hi , i m here again with another toefl essay, so please be harch to give me you opinion. thanks

Some people prefer to plan activities for their free time very carefully. Others choose not to make any plans at all for their free time. Compare

the benefits of planning free-time activities with the benefits of not making plans. Which do you prefer - planning or not planning for your leisure time? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your choice.

The free time is the moment when people are free from their daily occupations or obligations. Each one of them has their own way to spend this time. But what differs people from each other is the way to prepare for their free time. Part of people prefers to plan activities for their free time very carefully. Others prefer to not make any plan. Both of these approaches have some benefits that should be discussed.

Generally, planning allows us to exploit very well the free time that we have. When people plan what to do in their free time, they try to manage their free time by fixing all the things that they want to do. They do not want to waste any second in trying and swapping activities. Also they would be more exciting if they know in the beginning what all the activities that they have to do in order to savor their free time.

In the other side, planning nothing for the free time has also some benefits. It releases people from being all the time under pressure of planning. Planning means fixing the activities and controlling the time, and those things can bore people especially if they fail in keeping their plan. Knowing nothing about what to do in the free time can be exciting because it lets people to enjoy what they suddenly decided to do rather than doing what was planned to be done. The other benefit of not planning what to do in the free time is that sometimes people become sad because of the adverse conditions to keep their plan. Many of plans for walking along the beach for example would be canceled if the weather is not good, and even people do other thing they would not be satisfying because their plan was changed.

Comparing both approaches, I prefer to make plan for my free time. Fixing all what I should do and not do. Give the appropriate time for each activity and try to execute my plan. Thus, it allows me to do all what I want to do, without forgetting about any thing. I will enjoy each moment I spend without thinking about what I will do next. I can also a substitute my plan with another plan if the first one needs to be changed due to some obstacles.

It is not a dram if people do not make a plan for what to do in their free time. What is bad is if they spend time in doing things they will regret later or they try to follow strongly the plan made rather than enjoying what they do.

djanat

Apr 5, 2010

Writing Feedback / What Is Common Sense? [5]

i really love what you have written. it should be printed in a newspaper.
only, i hoped it was longer than that .otherwise , your ideas are very clear.
next time , it is preferable to be a little bit optimist. especially, when you will adresse to other people by your writing.

If someone will ever ask me what is common sense(ASK ME WHAT COMMEN SENCE IS-it is not a question) ,... No.

..., but never heard how did they use their common sense to stop war, distruction, or even anything(be specific, anything like what?).

Even a great king can not think in common sense. For example, Creon, the king of Thebs, he killed (CREON, THE KING OF THEBS, KILLED...)his niece(WHY DID HE KILL HER?) so noone would think is weak. But as a result, he lost his family(HE KILLED HER NIECE, SO HE LOST HIS FAMILY , HOW??). If a king cannot (CANN'T or CAN NOT)think in reason,

Love don't live here anymore=( NEVER USE SYMBOLS IN YOUR WRITING)common sense is dead! It is more like a legend, like Zoro, which people hoped it existed, but it just doesn't existe

you writing
for the ideas 10/10
for the grammar:9/10
so the final score is 9.5/10

djanat

Apr 1, 2010

Writing Feedback / TOEFL:people learn in different ways and what teaching method do you prefer? [2]

subject :People learn in different ways. Some people learn by doing things; other people learn by reading about things; others learn by listening to people talk about things. Which of these methods of learning is best for you? Use specific examples to support your choice.

People have a lot of things to learn in their lives. They use several ways to broaden their knowledge and their skills. One of these several ways of learning that I prefer is doing things by my self rather than learning by reading about things or learning by listening to people talking about . There are a lot of reasons to recommend this method for who is serious about learning some thing in their lives.

First of all, learning by doing things develops our maturity. When you do things by your self, you learn to depend on yourself. You will not be in need to refer to books or persons. The fact of doing things by ourselves can help us to get some experiences that would strong our maturity. For example if some one wants to learn how to be a leader , they have to experience this by being in a real situation of leading a team or a group, or even a situation. We can not be leaders by reading books or by listening to person talking about leading.

Secondly, learning by doing things is more exciting than learning by reading about things or listening to people talking about. There are a lot of things in life that should be learnt by doing them. Reading about things or listening to people talking about can rarely submit the same sensation or the same excitement to some one who wants to learn about the same thing. People who want to learn how to swim have to go to the beach or to the swimpool and laid themselfelves in the water to feel and know what is swimming. Nor listening to people or reading about can teach them swimming.

Another reason that makes learning by doing things more advantageous than learning by reading about things or listening to people talking about is that we find more motivation to continuing on learning by doing things. With the time, Reading about things or listening to people talking about could become more and more boring. Leaning by doing things gives us more and more pleasure especially if we success in learning perfectly this things. So we become motivated to learn other things by doing them.

The history shows that learning by doing things is the best way and the best method to learn things. People should not depend only on reading or listening to people talking about things to learn. They should try and keep trying until they learn what they want to learn.

please , i need your corrections .thanks

djanat

Mar 26, 2010

Writing Feedback / TOEFL:People enjoy change.others like their lives to stay the same [5]

thank u wang for the time that you have spent to edit my essay

zhiyang ,
this topic is one of the toefl writing test annals.

i know that i should give my opinion in the introduction , but in this kind of essays , it is clearly asked to compare two diffrent things than to give the personal opinion. i do not what is the right organization .

for the number of the paragrphs , they have taught us that a toefl essay has five paragraphs. can I add more?

also , please give me an idea of conclusing this essay .
and thank u very much for your help. you opened my eyes for somethings i need to improve my writing

thank u.

djanat

Mar 23, 2010

Writing Feedback / TOEFL:People enjoy change.others like their lives to stay the same [5]

Some people enjoy change, and they look forward to new experiences. Others like their lives to stay the same, and they do not change their usual habits. Compare these two approaches to life. Which approach do you prefer? Explain why.

People have a lot of similarities. But when it comes to the style of living, they dived on two major groups. Some of them opt for the change and enjoy new experiences. Others like to maintain the same style of life. If we compare those two approaches of life we find that there are a lot of reasons which lead to choose one of them.

Firstly, people who are looking for change and new experiences do not like the routine . They are always seeking to something new. They do not care if they made a bad decision by changing things in their lives. The most important thing for them is changing and moving. They think that life is more exciting when they try different things. This kind of people has some characters such dynamism that differ them from others. For example, there are a lot of workers who aim to change their job every three years. They think that longer they keep the same occupation , less they are creative and ambitious.

Other kind of people like their lives to stay the same because they have some fears. They are afraid from regretting any change that occurs in their lives. For them it is safer to keep things as they are rather than changing things and loosing them. This kind of people believes totally on the proverb that says bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. They do not opt for the adventurous life. Their lives are well quit calm without any change and without any regret. For example, radical politicians always want to keep the rules as they are. They refuse any change in their countries. For them changing is loosing.

Personally, I think changing and trying new experiences is better that keeping things in our lives as they are. Changing allows people to broaden they knowledge and their skills in lives. They cut down the fear of surpassing the obstacles and all dangers that prevent people from getting what they really want and hope in their lives. Obviously, changing brings most of time some happiness and some energy to look forward.

Changing to getting something better is good. But people should not be impulsive in their lives. They should make some diagnostic about what it needs to be change and what it needs to be kept the same in their lives.

enjoy reading , but please give me your feedback.thanks

djanat

Mar 19, 2010

Writing Feedback / Cause & Effects of Computer Addiction [5]

Cause and Effects of Computer Addiction

In the 21st Century, computer addiction isn't all that uncommon anymore. Now(,) that anyone can get a relatively good PC without breaking the bank, more people are getting hooked without even knowing it. I can personally attest to computer addiction being a real problem in society today(remove today /...in the society). With online banking, shopping, TV/movies(donot use abbreviations...television...), games, and other various means of entertainment(. you have to stop here and begin a new sentence), there's( .There is....) really no need to leave the house other than for physical interaction.

It all starts when you open the internet browser for the first time and find something that is capable of holding your attention for what seems like only minutes, which eventually turns into hours(long sentence). World of Warcraft is one of the major time 'sink holes'(fullstop), but let's not forget about the companies that produce and support 'mini games' on Facebook like 'Farmtown', 'YoVille', 'Mafia Wars', among others. They're all fueling internet-goers (that...)urges to stay online with the promise of more in-game currency and experience points.

Most of us have stayed on the computer much longer than we had originally intended. But, when you start looking for signs of addiction you can almost always notice the same pattern. The typical pattern is as follows:( never use this in you essay ":") lost track of time, conscious efforts to cut back on computer time and repeatedly failing, thinking frequently about the computer when not using it, or constantly looking forward to the next opportunity to use it. Others tend to use the computer as a means to 'escape' from the 'real world' when they're feeling depressed or stressed.

The beginning stages of addiction begin when your need to stay online takes(check your idea ...begin...need ..takes ...where is the subject of each one) precedence over going out with friends and being socially active. Relationships begin to wither as the user stops attending social gatherings, skips meetings with friends and avoids family members to get more computer time. Even when they do interact with their friends, users may become irritable (when away???) from the computer, causing further social harm.

Eventually, excessive use of the computer can cause( cause is always followed by a noun, not a verbe ) the user( to withdraw) completely from society. When the user is constantly gaming on the PC( no abbriviation), it can cause someone to place more value on something within the game rather than things happening in their real lives, such as choosing to compete in a 'tournament' at 5 PM ( very precis detail 5 pm/ write the numbers in letters)when they have class at that time.

Some of the long-term effects of computer addiction which include (include what?)but are not limited to: carpal tunnel, diminishing eye sight, weight gain, back problems, and blood clots (from sitting at the computer for too long). As for the late night computer sessions, these can cut into much needed sleep time. Long-term sleep deprivation can cause drowsiness, problems concentrating, and slowing of the immune system. Computer addiction can also indirectly lead to poor overall physical condition and even obesity. Sooner than later, the consequences of computer addiction will catch up to the user. Late-night use or misuse on the job will affect overall job performance, which could eventually lead to demotion or job loss. As the addiction takes its toll on your immediate family and significant other( other what?), it may eventually lead to a failed marriage.

While medical professionals do not agree that it is possible to become addicted to the computer(do not use "\,/" in your writing ....computer and internet)/internet, it is withou doubt a real problem in today's society. With technology advancing every day and computers continuously getting cheaper, it's only going to get easier and more convenient for children to stay at home on the computer rather than going to play outside with their friends. Doctors from around the globe suspect an even larger increase in childhood obesity and early onset diabetes as more children are choosing to stay 'connected' for longer time frames. Is computer/(and)internet addiction a real threat to our society? Only time will tell.

your english is perfect
you have to pay more attention for the sentences .when you have to stop , how to coordinate them.

djanat

Mar 19, 2010

Writing Feedback / I believe that both classmates and parents have considerable influence on children [4]

...in my point of view..."you shoud say -IN MY OPINON - or - MY POINT OF VIEW IS ..-
"....bothe parets and classmtes have -EQUALLY -A considerable influence ..."

never say this"....this essay is going to..." is it a weak sentence

- you have to choose between " contemporary society or nowadays"

you can use " next" only when you describe a process. you can use instead " also , in addition..."

it is wrong to talk about the factors in the conclusion

djanat

Mar 18, 2010

Writing Feedback / TOEFL:Decision can be made quickly [2]

i plan to take the toefl , so please give me your opinion.thanks.

Decisions can be made quickly, or they can be made after careful thought. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The decisions that people make quickly are always wrong. Use reasons and specific examples to support your opinion.

Almost people in their daily lives have to take some decisions. Some of these decisions are taken quickly. Others need to take more time to be made. Personally, I think that decisions that people make quickly are not always wrong. Being limited by the time can not always affect us to make the wrong decision because there are other reasons that have a huge impact on this.

First of all, there are a lot of decisions that we have to make repeatedly in our life. Why take more time and more energy to think about some thing we have gone through it before. May be the waste of time can costs us a lot. My best friend always told me that I have to beat the fir when it is hot. Never wait to make a decision, because it will be too late.

Also, there are a lot of sophisticated persons who can predict the right decision. Their knowledge and their experiences give them the ability to make the right decision in a short time. They do not need to think a lot or ask for the help. For example, the decisions made by a teacher are not always wrong if it concerns one of their students. Because the teacher is more aware about their students' issues and concerns, so they can make the right decision quickly.

Moreover, some decisions have a relation with the luck. Even a person takes all their time to think in order to make the right decision, they fail because they are not lucky. Then, we can say that most of time a wrong decision has a relation with the luck, not with the time that we take to decide.

Some people believe that the decision that people make is always wrong because they do not dispose all the data about what they have to decide. I think that some times the lot of information can distort the facts, so we have just to think intelligently.

It is important to take decisions in our lives, even if there are wrong. We can think or ask for advice but never let another person makes the decision for us, because they will try to control and manipulate us all our lives.

djanat

Mar 18, 2010

Writing Feedback / "What is love?" - It's the beauty of a rose, yet often vile as her thorns [7]

there are some confusion in your ideas , some time
i think it is easier to talk positivly about this topic. you have to be objective so talk in general, not just about what you think but about what is real.

i advice you to put a plan to your essay
1-introduction ( do not definite the love in your first sentence . you can say " people need to be loved because love brings them the peace ,comfort and hapiness. ....

2- second paragragh: parents felling for their children is the real love because ...
3-third paragraph:...
4-fourth paragraph:
5-conclusion: you can put your own opinion ,or just give an advice but do not be brief

djanat

Mar 18, 2010

Writing Feedback / TOEFL:Some people trust their first impression about a person character [3]

Some people trust their first impressions about a person's character because they believe these judgments are generally correct. Other people
do not judge a person's character quickly because they believe first impressions are often wrong. Compare these two attitudes. Which attitude do you agree with? Support your choice with specific examples.

Each time we meet a new person, we make pre- judgments on them. These judgments can be true or false. There are a lot of people who believe that the first impression is always correct. Personally, through my experience I think that the first impression it is not always correct. There a lot of factors have an impact on this. In other word our first impression is made under a several factors.

One of those factors is the situation in which we have met this person. Some times, the situations control the person's behavior. This behavior is the result of some emotions' developing. There a lot of things which stimulate some emotions on a person at some moments to be happy, angry, sad, excited or boring. But the person can not be in those situations all the time. I remember the first time I meet my sister husband. He seemed to me very reserved person. With the time I discover that the situation of coming the first time to our home was the cause of giving this impression, but inside his is every social person.

...

djanat

Mar 18, 2010

Essays / A subject to introduce myself -- engineering [6]

My name is Yash, twenty three-year-old. i am from....
as a student of ... .i spent much of my time in.... and in,,,,,,,.
i live with my uncle who has a home/house(you have to choose one of them ), in...
my hobbies are several, playing chess,cricket and traveling. i am a social person who likes to meet new people in order to exchange ideas and opinions about diver topics.

my goal in life is to become an engineer who has the ability to... and...

good luck

djanat

Mar 16, 2010

Writing Feedback / 'Getting what is different' - TOEFL:People are never satisfied with what they have. [2]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People are never satisfied with what they have; they always want something more or something different. Use specific reasons to support your answer.

Looking around us helps to see and notice what we have. Unfortunately, people are never satisfied with what they have. They always want something more or something different. It is hard to explain why people behave like that, but research and studies reveal some factors that have a huge role on this.

The first facture is the jealousy. The jealousy is human. All people have this sentiment, but it differs from one person to another. Jealousy makes people look what others have. It keeps them from thinking about what they have. Jealousy also makes people to wish or to seek to have something more , something different or better than what others have. For example there are some friends that are jealous of each other. Each time they try to get some thing different to compare it with what the other has.

In addition, some people like to be the best. This feeling of superiority makes of them unsatisfied people. They always want to have something different, something new to look better than others. As an example, there are a lot of female actresses who are not satisfied with their face. They want to be perfect at all, so they go throw plastic surgery to make some changes in their faces.

Another factor to explain why people are never satisfied with what they have is they believe that all what they have is bad. It is a negative feeling that makes people unsatisfied with what they have. They think that all things different is good. This kind of people can not success in their lives, because even they get what is different according to them , they will be unsatisfied.

If the non satisfaction leads to a better thing, it will be awesome. People should not be impulsive by changing what they have, because some time we change something bad to something worst.

please give your point of view for this essay . thanks

djanat

Mar 16, 2010

Undergraduate / University of Calgary Biomedical Research Program Admissions Essay [4]

i m not expert in english , but i didn't find any mistake.
your essay is very clear and well organised. the only thing that you have to pay more attentin for it is (comma and fullstop).
The prompt for the essay is:

If you are not accepted into your major of choice (Biomedical, Health & Society, and Bioinformatics) within the BHSc program, which other major within the BHSC would you chose or would you choose an alternative program/faculty at the UofC? Provide reasons why?

the essay can only be 250 words max

this is the essay I came up with:

Although I'd prefer not to think about what I'd have to do if I don't get accepted into UofC's Biomedical Program,(. the next is a new sentence so you have to put a fullstop , not comma) I know that there are multiple ways around this minor speed bump in the admissions process.

Knowing the absolute importance of the medical research field, especially in the world we live in today,(NEW SENTENCE) I know there is a career waiting for me in this utterly necessary line of work. This personal goal of mine made choosing my back up major that( CHECK IF YOU MUST ADD "IS" HERE) much easier to...

This decision was made simple for me( SO YOU GIVE THE IMPRESSION THAT SOMEONE HAVE DESIDE FOR YOUR , IT IS RIGHT? for one very distinct reason.

FOR YOU QUESTION I THINK THAT YOU HAVE TO RESPECT WHAT WAS REQUIRED FROM YOU . THE MAX IS 250 , SO YOU SHOULD NOT SURPASS THIS NUMBER. ASK AN EXPERT OR ANY OF YOUR TEACHERS, TO HAVE THE GOOD ADVICE.

GOOD LUCK.

djanat

Mar 14, 2010

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Most of secondary schools include the art and music course in their annual program [4]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? All students should be required to study art and music in secondary school. Use specific reasons to support your answer.

Most of secondary schools include the art and music course in their annual program. Others deny including those courses for some reasons. Personally, I think that studying art and music as a mandatory course is not a shrewd step to the schools if they really think about the students.

First of all, the students at secondary school will not take any benefits from the art and music courses. The prospect for the future of the students does not depend on any way if they take these courses or not. The student does not need the art and the music to serve his or her country. They need other important courses such as mathematics, physics and or science.

In addition, not all students want to study art and music courses. Most of them think that they have enough courses at secondary school. It is though to have one in addition. Others male students do not want to study this course because they think that art and music were made only for women who are sensible about this. So, secondary school should take in consideration the choice of their students.

Lastly, there are other courses more important for the students in their lives than studying art and music. The first aid course is one of these more important courses. It provides students a lot of information that they can us them in their daily lives. For example, if the student witnesses a car accident, he or she will use his knowledge learnt at the secondary school to save the life people involve in this accidant.

Some people believe that art and music are vital for students because they make them a tolerant persons .this believe makes of people who did not study art and music such sadistic persons which it is not true.

It is good to have some knowledge about art and music , but it will be tedious to have them as a mandatory courses at secondary school. If the students want to study them they can attend art and music universities forward.

please be cruel in giving your reprimands about my essay. thanks

by the way, if some one has an idea about how to write an essay for the toefl ,please send it to me .

djanat

Mar 14, 2010

Undergraduate / "tell the reader a sense of who you are" - Coulmbia Essay [3]

1- repetion of the word" moment", you can say " obviously, i believe that man is ..."
2- repetion of word" believe".
3- " ...how change is capable of..." the right is"...how MUCH change is capableof..."
4-" ...for me bieng a black women...". you could say" Being a black women, i know sucess...for me."
5- "...my adversity motivateS me..." pay more attention to the "S".
6- try to make short sentencens to avoid mistakes : " when i arrived TO my current college (comma) all my peers...(stop)./ I began ...."

7- repetition of the same idea" ..when i find myself in doubt..."/" when i m discoreged...".
8- "...thought on belief" ?"??
9-"...i have cOME..." .

Y write very well. your essay attrat all my interest. i believe that you will be a good writer.

one moreadvise ; i heard that here in usa you should not talk about some taboo subjct such religion , politics... so i do not if you can talk about this .check with your teacher .

good luck

djanat

Mar 14, 2010

Undergraduate / "My dear Roommate", Babson Undergraduate Essay (SE) [4]

hello
i noticed some mistakes:
"....14 years..." ,always write the numbers in letters "....fourteen years..."
2- "...some hard...." it is wrong to say some hard , because "hard" is an djective , you can use "efforts".

3-you have to learn when you use the present , the past , there are a lot of your sentences that gather the present continuous, the past...

4- there are some incomplete sentences such as"...I love to learn..." to learn what?

5- " ....without it influencing your roots..." , "...a general every day with me....", "..you will mine..."i did not understand them.

6- " ...when i don't agree with something..." wrong \.... AGREE WITH SOMEONE ...

sara you have all the capacity to write and express your self very well in english. it is good to have a lot of ideas but you should organize them( you have talked about you then about your country , to your roommate then about you again).writing is not as speaking.when you write put your emotions away. i know it is hard but you have to do it in order to improve your writing. always make a plan to your writing(

introduction
...
...
...
conclusion

when you follow your plan , you will know from where you begin and about what you whould talk or write . you must use the ideas that are in coordination.don't talk about every things

pay attention to your gramma.

good luck

djanat

Mar 13, 2010

Writing Feedback / TOEFL:reading fiction or watching movies [2]

127) Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Reading fiction (such as novels and short stories) is more enjoyable than watching movies.
Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position.
Reading fiction and watching movies differ a lot from each other. Personally, if I have to choose one of them, I will certainly opt for the first one. Reading fiction is more advantageous than watching movie.

First of all, reading fiction such as novels or short story does not impair the sight as watching movies do. Many studies affirm that reading books does not harm our eyes as much as watching movie in screen do. For example, if someone read a book for three hour, he will not feel the same pain in his eyes as if he watchs a movie for the same time.

In addition, people can take their novels with them and read it anywhere and any time without disturbing other people. People can read their novels in the bus, in the car, at the kitchen, in the garden, at the beach and at any time of the day. This is more practical for people who especially have a very busy schedule.

Another advantage of reading fiction is that it allows people to be gain a good vocabulary. Thus, it helps them to have a rich grammar that they can use it in their writing. For example , schools generally coerce their students to read some novels in order to improve their level of reading and stimulation.

Other people affirm that watching movies is better because it is more memorable than reading fiction. I think that people who watch movies are generally attracted by the personalities rather that focusing on the story. So, if they will be queried about the story, they will remember the scene of the movie not exactly the events of the story.

Whether people choose to read fiction or watch movie, the best is to choose the one that is more beneficial without being too much possessed by it.

please i need your correction to improve my writing . thanks

djanat

Mar 13, 2010

Writing Feedback / comparing myself now to myself in the past [2]

your essay seem clear to understand. the bad thing is you have mentioned a lot of details
i suggest you this
keep the introduction
choose at least three details to compaire (style of cloths, darkness, watching tv).
it is good talk about the difference in the same paragraph.
your conclusion must be your point of view; maybe saying which period you do like, or if you wich to still being child

for the gramma, you have some mistakes,i think you did not edit your essay. the edition is the most important part to get a good writing

"....my mother asked ME...."
REPETION OF THE WORD "USE"
"....on i some i...."i did not understand .
"...i start thinking..." you should say I STARTED THINKING because you are telling a storyon you introduction.

much often now a day ..." try to make simple sentences

djanat

Mar 12, 2010

Undergraduate / 'Each course ended with a major project' - Describe what leadership means to you [18]

i can not say more than good praragraph but you have to reach your 200 words by including some example. you have also to organise your ideas, you have montioned a lot of things with a few details.

djanat

Mar 12, 2010

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Schools should allot some hours a day to the physical exercises for their students. [2]

Some people say that physical exercise should be a required part of every school day. Other people believe that students should spend the whole school day on academic studies. Which opinion do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

Exercise mind and body

Today, the role of the schools has much more expanded than ever. Schools do not only give courses or degrees to students who most of time they are inside these institutions. But schools have a huge effect on students' life and health. One of the most things that schools should obviously include in their daily programs is the physical exercises.

Like all people, students need to do some physical exercises at least once a day. The continuous hours of study can lead the student to get depression. So it is well recommended for the schools to take their students far from being depressed. There are all of students to attempt to suicide because they had a lot of pressure in their schools. Physical exercises can release this depression from students.

On the other hand, physical exercises can bring some pleasure and fun for the students who have some obsession about schools. They think that schools are establishing only for studying hard and being serious. Ultimately, they flee from the school. Physical exercises help schools to avoid these behaviors by including some pleasure in their programs.

Another reason for why physical exercises should be a required part of every school day, is because physical exercises have a good impact on students' health. Students can learn good habits by practicing some physical exercises at schools. They can avoid by these habits getting a lot of health problems such as obesity a heart diseases.

Some people think that students should spend the whole school day in academic study because physical exercises do not help them to success in their education. I wonder if the success in education is more important that the students feelings and health. The students do not need only to get agood scores in their education, but they need to be healthy and comfortable.

The schools should allot some hours a day to the physical exercises for their students. Being indifferent with the health and the feeling of the students do not serve any one, neither the students nor the schools.

PLEASE I NEED YOUR CORRECTION

djanat

Mar 12, 2010

Undergraduate / essay about more people prefer living alone than in the past [7]

your essay is too short , you have to make some efforts to find ideas and words.
according to the vocabulary that you have used , i think you can do better .

some mistakes
family structure without "s"
joy without "s"
easy access of what?
moving far from one's family TO GET higher education and....
should be in CONTACT with....(conclusion).

djanat

Mar 12, 2010

Writing Feedback / Words effect (Cause and Effect essay - Power of words) [5]

when i began reading your essay , the introduction seemed to me a bit weaky but when i red the rest of your essay, believe me i could nt stop reading

what is good in your essay is that your express very well in english. you use a very strong vocabulary with a few mitakes. you have the capacity to organize the events without bieng boring.

what is bad , i do nt know i i can say that but , you have to check how to write a cause/effect essay

according to my writing course ,they taught us that cause/effect essay is as the following

introduction
effect 1
effect 2
effect 3
conclusion

you have check also ifyou could talk about you own expeience

djanat

Mar 11, 2010

Writing Feedback / TOEFL:a university plans to devlop a new research centre in your country. [2]

here is my daily toefl essay, i hope i did not make a lot of mistakes so i wish if you can give me your correction .thanks

A university plans to develop a new research center in your country. Some people want a center for business research. Other people want a center

for research in agriculture (farming). Which of these two kinds of research centers do you recommend for your country? Use specific reasons in your
recommendation.

Most of the universities in the world seek to develop some research in some countries. These researches can be aimed for several fields such as business or agriculture. If a university plans to develop a new research in my country and I have to choose between establishing a centre for business research or a centre for agriculture research, I would opt for the second one.

First of all , my country has a lot of lands which are useful for the agriculture. Most of these lands are left without any treatment. The centre for research in agriculture can helps my co-citizens to better exploit these lands. This centre can also help people there to solve their issues related to their lands. Especially, if they have no knowledge or education in this field.

Secondly, the centre for research in agriculture helps the economy of my country to improve. The agriculture field has only thirty percent as a market part. The centre of research can raise the market part of this field by developing the agriculture products. For example , the dates are the most important agriculture product in my country. The centre of research for agriculture can make some research in how to get a good quality of this product, how to treat the Palme and maybe how to treat the land of the palms.

Another reason that makes the centre of research for the agriculture more important than the centre of business research is that the first one can create a lot of jobs. Obviously, showing people how to exploit a land and get good agriculture products will push people to think about working in the field of agriculture rather than working in business or other field to make money.

Some people think that a centre of business research is more important because we have to be in parallel with the advanced countries which have focused in business field. For me being a developed country does not mean that we have to focus only in business, but we have to focus on what really bring us to the level of self satisfaction, and the agriculture for our country is the field that can realize that.

My country need to focus more on the agriculture by establishing centers for research in this field, which will have some very positive consequences on agriculture people work, on the economy and on the employment.

djanat

Mar 11, 2010

Writing Feedback / "people wanting to be important" - Definition essay: Pride [4]

SORRY FOR THE LATE

check the plurial of the word human'
in the line n*5 , about who you are talking when you say "one"
3- you can not say "once i used to..." you can say " i used before ..."
4-what do you mean by "the pressure of th time".
5- i think the word" anyway" is more useful for speaking. find another word instead.
6- the sentence "because...to do with" is not clear.
7- you to add "the" to family (line 9)so you say" the family is not...."
8-never use the slach(/) in your writing.
9-most importantly ..." iswrong . you have to say " the most important"
10 "....but IT IS only true" pay attention to "its" and"it's".

i hope it isclear.

djanat

Mar 10, 2010

Writing Feedback / TOEFL:Sport may be dangerous if we will become possessed by it too much. [3]

Some young children spend a great amount of their time practicing sports. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

there are a lot of young children how practice sport. Some of them practice the sport they love such soccer or basketball, others practice the sport that their parents have obliged them to. Whatever the reasons for what the young children practice sport, practicing sport has some advantages and disadvantages.

Sport is one of the most important thing that help young children to stay healthy. By practicing sport young people can stay far from being obese which lead forward to some diseases such as heart disease or diabetes. Also ,it is well known that sport release pressure from the young children who attend daily their schools. So they can spend their free time in practicing sport to have some pleasure and fun. Another advantage of practicing sport by young children is that sport teaches them how to face their fear. This skill will be useful for them to solve their problems and issues with brave and responsibility.

On the other hand , spending much time in practicing sport by young children has other consequences that can negatively affect the entire life of the young child. The child at this age can be influenced a lot by the sport. Thus, the sport will divert them from focusing in their studies. Also, when children spend much of their time in practicing sport, it leads to be less sociable. They will miss the opportunity to share some time with their families or their friends. Progressively, they will lonely and lose contact with people.

It is good and important that young children practice sport , but it will be dangerous for them if they become possessed by it. The right thing is to give each thing the adequate time.

please send me the feedback of this essay . be harsh

djanat

Mar 10, 2010

Undergraduate / "an education in a foreign country" - What might you contribute the College? [5]

your essay is very short , with few errors
...every challenge"s" .... without "s".
.... have mistake..../ choose between "have A mistake" or " have mistakes"

djanat

Mar 10, 2010

Essays / Cause and effect essay ideas? [9]

i suggest you to choose one topic only
talking bout drug or talking abut alcohol even they have the same effets.

you have also to choose between talkig about the effects or talking about causes. you can not gather effects and causes of some thing in one essay

for example th causes of "getting married".
intoduction
- 1st cause : falling in love.
-2nd cause : to have kids .
-3rd cause: to live better.
conclusion

when you talk aoout the effects of "getting marrie"
inrouction
-effect 1: more responsibility
-effect 2:fewer social opportunity.
-effect3: better future prospets
conclusion

i hope i was clear

djanat

Mar 9, 2010

Graduate / TOEFL:There are a lot of people who dream to get two things in their lives, money and success [3]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Only people who earn a lot of money are successful. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

There are a lot of people who dream to get two things in their lives, money and success. And most of these people confuse between having a lot of money and being successful. Money and success are extremely different from each other. The fact that people who earn a lot of money does not mean that are successful.

First of all, there are a lot of illegitimate ways to earn money. When we meet someone who earns a lot of money, we should not conclude that they are a successful person. We have firstly ask them from what they get all this money. Maybe they are just thrifts or they sell cocaine for other people. They really make money from this and we can not consider them as successful person.

In addition , there are a lot of people who are very successful even though they do not have enough money. For example , the medical researchers who spend most of their lives to make some studies and research in order to help the humanity. They are successful people because their proposal is important for the humanity. They can save a lot of lives and help a lot of people to survive. We can say that thay are not successful because they do not earn a lotof money.

Lastly, there are other people who effectively earn a lot of money and are successful at the same time. But this success is not related to the money they earn but related to other thing. As an example. The president of the country can earn a lot of money and he is a very successful person. His success does not has a relation with the money that he earns but with the decisions he makes to improve his country forward and help the citizens to have a good life in this country.

Some people think that the person who are earn a lot of money are successful because they can buy whatever they want. I think we are not successful when we can buy what we want but we are successful if we know what to make with the money we earn to keep this success.

It is wonderful to earn a lot of money and being successful at the same time. However , we have to understand that earning a lot of money can not absolutely to the success but the success can lead in most cases to earn a lot of money.

if there is some one who is managing to take the toefl. please i need your help to know really get a high score in writing. i want also to know how to write an essay. thanks for your help

djanat

Mar 9, 2010

Undergraduate / Carleton Essays (teacher, subjects, career plan, development) [16]

Randyhl
i did not understand what you want exactly ?
editing or giving you some ideas on the topic

djanat

Mar 9, 2010

Writing Feedback / GRE issue 153 skepticism in studying [5]

lee
you have some problem with the grama.
here are some corrections
1-we say " we were born".
2-people point out / without "S" .
3-i did not understand "...students should think whatever are taught". try to give a clear and simple sentences.
4-we say "...afraid of..." not "....afraid to..."
5-in the 9th line: ....makes student to think..." is " make student think .
try to respect the cordination between the subject and the conjugaison of the verb .we add '''s" only in the present tense for "he, she, it".

6-in the 14th line: so after....so as. repetition of so.
7- line 16: we say " prohibit from" . chech the meaning of this verb , i do not think is the right for what you want to say.

- who is "he"? if you want to talk about the students , do not use "he" , use "they".
- WASTE time and energy
8- line 18: it is better to say "...to be guided first by..."
9- line 19 : ...contribute in...

i hope my notes will help you .i advice you to make a short and clear sentences.

djanat

Mar 9, 2010

Writing Feedback / TOEFL:A person' childhood years are the most important years of a person's life [3]

All people have a specific period in their lives that is very important to them. Personally I consider the childhood the most important one. This period ha a strong impact on the entire life of each of us. This impact can be positive or negative. It depends relatively on the childhood.

Firstly, the childhood is the period of receiving. The child at this age has only thing to do that is receiving. The children receive the love and tenderness of their parents. This love will help them to become good adults. The adults who can love the others and can be loved by others. If a child does not get those feelings at this age, the impact of those feeling will not be the same on other period of the life.

Secondly, in the childhood the child can learn how to be a responsible person. The parents at this age teach their children how to be responsible, by urging them to helping with household tasks or by doing their homework without the help of anyone. A responsible child is a responsible adult.

Another reason that makes of the years of childhood a very important years of a person's life is because at this age the child can learn easily. Some studies show that the child has the capacity of learning until seven languages. They can remember easily the words and sentences even it is not their native language. They have the ability to count very quickly. Thus, the parents must take advantage of this period and boost the intelligence of their children.

Some people believe that the years of childhood are not important because they do what their parents ask them to do, not what they want to do. I think that children at this age can not make some decisions by themselves. They have to follow the instructions of their parents who really know what the best is for their children.

The years of the childhood are the most important years of a person's life. In thes years there are a lot to do to get a good person full of love, has the sense of responsibility and be very smart.

djanat

Mar 9, 2010

Writing Feedback / TOEFL topic: wheter or not to build a school in your hometown [6]

i didn't check well for the errors but i do like your essay
me too i will take the toefl this year so i think that the eassay must be like this:

I come from a small village where education is a dream to most of the child. Actually, I was once been envied by my neighbor peer who is helping his father doing farm work now and not merely think about changing. Without education, it can't be true for me to take Toefl test and preparing for going abroad. So, as long as the sun rises in the east, I will surly be in agreement to the new hope school's establishment in my hometown. Some disadvantages of the school there may be; However, I believe there are far more advantages.

First of all, some minor disadvantages (MONEY IS NOT DISADVANTAGE , IT IS AN INCONVINIENT)to the proposal include the money required to build the school and the necessarily more money to keep the school running. Since the children in my hometown mostly have no money to pay for the pencil box, not to mention the tuition and books, which means more money is in demand to make sure the children get educated. Another drawback in building the school is the worry provided by some villager that if their kids go to school, they will have less time to help do the farm work and less chance to share the burden of the family in the future.

Nevertheless, contrary to the belief of many people is my heartfelt agreement with the establishment of a new school in my hometown. As I perceive the controversy, by going to school, the kids, by going to school, are well educated and can make a better decision between right and wrong, such as it is terrible to steal and it is always excellent to help others. Perhaps our kids can convey the brilliant spirits acquired from school to their family, and help build a more harmonious atmosphere, too. For instance, in a heavy smoker's family, the little girl may help her father get rid of smoking by explain to him that how harmful, she learnt in school, is smoking to his and all the family's health.

Also, isn't shortsighted to consider education is a waste of time? Education is a strategy for long-term development. For example, maybe many years later, some of the kids once cultivated in the school know how to set up a company and become managers, some know how to build houses and become constructors, and some know how to do the farm work in a better way and become a modern farmer. Once the kids grow up, there will be an impressive change in the village and surely will the village be more flourish.

Considerable though the advantages that our children doing the housework and farm work and that the villagers saving money by not building a school enjoy are, they cannot compete with the benefits that managing to site a school and all kids in the village or maybe other village entering the school and acquiring knowledge they need, when the further development of the village and the future of their kids are taken into account. In other words, if they consider about the future life of their kids, why don't they try their utmost to build a school and make sure their children being cultivated.

YOU HAVE GIVE INCONVIENT TO NOT BUILDING A SCHOOL RATHER THAN GIVING WHY YOU SUPPORT THE IDEA OF BUILDING A SCHOOL

djanat

Mar 9, 2010

Graduate / TOEFL: Why do people visit museums? Curiosity [5]

hi
firstly , you have a very strong vocabulary, you do not make a lot of mistakes.
when i begin reading your essay, it seems to me that you have give the reason directly without an intriduction. then you have talking about traveling. you have a lot of ideas at the same time.

i suggest for all your essays to follow this order
1-introduction( ex: talking about the museum in general)
2- the first reason (why people visit the museum= curiosity)
3- second reason= searching information
4-third reason....
5-conclusion

five paragraph when you will be asked to give reasons to answer some question

me too i m preparing to take the toefl.