Essays / ESSAY ON Canadian Domestic Policy [3]

Are you given references to use? If so, start reading them and make some notes. In my opinion, assignments are usually based on covered material. If not, search in the Internet and in your school library.

This is an alternative question. Choose your point, write an introduction and end it with a thesis statement. Afterwards, using your notes write 3 examples that directly support your thesis statement and place each in different paragraph. Explain why you think that these examples are appropriate and how they support your viewpoint.

Since your time is limited, you have a lot of work to do for a short time.
I hope you will come up with a good writing.

Good luck!

Writing Feedback / Positive and negative aspects of globalization - two-edged sword [3]

Globalization is just like - or resembles a two-edged sword, bringing us not only a series of enormous benefits, but also potential destruction in many fields. No one can deny the merits of it, but in the meantime, we must keep an eye on it to prevent its negative affects.

...the processing progress of products also provides a large number of employments opportunities..

Although there is a wealth of benefits, we can not neglect the by-products it brings to us


I liked points made here; they deserve further elaboration.

In conclusion, due to the existence of both positive and negative aspects brought about by globalization, we should do our most to control its negatives while enjoying the welfare it brings to us. Approaches such as more strict law system as well as propagandas among a society should be taken immediately.

Writing Feedback / Traffic congestion and ways to reduce it - Compare paragraph - What's better? [5]

Both of the versions are short; may be you should join them in one essay.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: WHICH KIND OF WORKER WOULD YOU HIRE? [5]


Instead of "you" and "he" you can use "a person or an individual" or the plural form "people or workers" in order to avoid oppression of an opposite gender. The latter is more convenient, since you can replace these words by common pronouns they or them.

you do not need to spend money and time inon expensive training courses.


This is a very short paragraph. Each para in an essay should consist of not less that 5 sentences, whereas the first sentence is a topic sentence, and the rest ones are supporting ideas.


this is a contrary statement; you may develop it further in a separate paragraph. It will make your essay larger and more interesting.

Writing Feedback / My Friends - a Challenging Paragraph [7]

Hi, Nesreen

Usually, a conclusion is a brief summary of information discussed in an essay and consists of repeating the main points. However, you introduced a different idea in your writing which was not mentioned or implied to.

Writing Feedback / My Friends - a Challenging Paragraph [7]

This is one of possible versions:

Last summer, I spent my vacation with three friends with different personalities. Their temperaments affected their communication with people, since each of them had inclination to do things as he thought it was right.

...

In brief, each of my friends possessed distinct characters, which influenced their relations with other people and attitude towards the environment in general.

hope, this will help.

Letters / Informal letter to the embassy in London to explain what happened [6]

I am writing to you hoping that you could can do me a favour. I have a problem which I think could be solved easily , Recently, something really embarrassing has happened to me, and I cannot make up my mind what to do.

I am a student at the university and at thee end of a week I feel so tired. That is whyAt the week-end I decided to go to a sale to relax.


I agree. You give too much preferrence to description of your feelings. Focus on facts of the events instead.

Writing Feedback / We need neighbors who are helpful, kind, understanding and encouragingr [9]

Human - if you imply to mankind you add "the", but if you mean an individual write likes - like to leave in society ...

Hovewer, nowadays everyone is busy in their schedule; some are busy in study, some are in office - this phrase sounds odd; it seems like words are not used properly and do not match their places.

you have a lot of grammatical mistakes both in word spelling and sentence structure. I corrected some, but I am sure that there is still plenty of them. These errors obscure your points, making them difficult to comprehend.

Writing Feedback / Follow it up with adequate facts ; Limiting inventory to increase profits [4]

Hi, Rajveer

Although I cannot grade your essay, since I do not know about scoring standarts for this type of essay, I liked it. You have made complete research of the topic you were given, and analyzed it throgouhly. Good work!

Writing Feedback / 'cultural monuments' Why people visit a museum while visiting a new place? [5]

the conclusion is very short.

Overall, your essay comes to be interesting. Hovewer, information was organized unsystematically which complicates proper evaluation of your writing. I would advise to follow a general essay structure which is:

1. introdiction, where you provide general ideas about the topic and demonstrate your opinion by writing a theses statement.
2. body of the essay subdivided into separate paragraphs: one paragraph for each reason. here you should develop each of point with supporting ideas, examples and details

3.conclusion, which should consist of not less that 2 sentences, where you list your arguments once more and complete it with some original finalizing sentence

best of luck!

Dissertations / Latest Ph.D. topics in the field of data mining and warehousing [10]

here is the link where EF Kevin provided links and other useful information pertinent to your question. I hope he will not mind my citing of this link.

https://essayforum.com/dissertations/suggestions-topic-computer-science-cloud-10914/

I suggest two more websites that I found so far:

docstoc
thearling

Writing Feedback / Topic: Events bring people together. [8]

Hi, Baohuy.

affection is equal in meaning to "love", "attachment".

it was just suggestion, since I don't think that the use of "love" was a mistake. Thanks for asking, because your question urged me to look through the sentence again and to find out that I made a mistake too:) correct form: affection for something

It means,love for football and sporting events connect people closer.


Sorry, but I don't understand what you mean by this question.

A conclusion should not be limited to one sentence; write two or more depending on the content and size of the essay. Usually main points are briefly listed there again.

I cannot say your probable score, since I don't know what type of essay it is, and consequently what are the evaluation standarts. Is it TOEFL or IELTS essay?

Dissertations / Latest Ph.D. topics in the field of data mining and warehousing [10]

Hi, Kevin. thanks for an advise. Can you tell me why some links appear in blue and by clicking them it is possible to go to that page, but some do not?

Writing Feedback / Violence is never a real solution to a political crisis. (MCAT written topic) [6]

Hi, Laura

Terrorists' acts of violence must sometimes be curtailed with brutality when negotiations fail - It proved to be ineffective too. Violent opposition to terrorists leads to their firmer and more agressive resistance. The more terrorists are pursued and annihilated, the more persistent they become :(

For example, the bombing of Hiroshima was viewed by some as the only solution to a long and bloody war.

your english is very good, but the essays lacks consistency. your point is not clear to me: do you advocate violence or completely refute it? I think, you ought to choose one side

Writing Feedback / Child Labor in the World - children are not anyone's property. [8]

"Children do not constitute anyone's property

Once, a child accidentally dropped a glass, and his the store manager got very mad.

I felt sorry for these children, who were being deprived of their childhood.

I also found out that companies like Nike, Coca-Cola, and Hanes also use child labor to produce some of their products.

Many laws are being passed to prevent child labor today.The United Nations Children' Fund makes laws every day to prevent the spreading of child labor in the world today. However, it is our job to push for more laws to eliminate child labor in the world today. - try to find a synonim to this word - you reiterate it too often in this paragraph.

Grammar, Usage / General writing advice: Addressing the audience [7]

Thanks Ershad. Although I looked up for a couple of words in the dictionary, I think that you succeeded in conveying your ideas in a simple and understandible manner. :)

Writing Feedback / The increasingly rapid pace of life today causes more problems than it solves. [5]

Hi, Rajveer

May be you got tired of me giving praises to your essays instead of constructive feedbacks, but I cannot refrain from distinguishing them as interesting and readable ones. I could not find mistakes. You write very well as always. keep it up!

Writing Feedback / The most important characteristic to be successful in life and best way to tackle with difficulties [3]

Hi.
here are my comments:

To begin with, the whole exisence in the world is a rivalry where really often you are on the weaker side.

People who manage to overcome the "being down in the dumps" feeling are the ones who succeed.
People overcoming "being down in the dumps" feeling succeed. - this is just a suggestion though, since your version is also correct.

Secondly, communication with others will be a lot more fluent, because one becomes more attractive to colleagues, friends and acquaintances. - again it is a suggestion.

Critics of my position may say that this kind of people - what kind of people? - cannot approach adequately to a serious situation or crisis and do not have a realistic image of life. - why?

Worrying too much will only cause you a headache and you will struggle more until finding the best solution. - It can be inferred from the sentence that you are against finding the best solution. Why? Is it bad?

in my opinion you deviate from the topic of the essay in your theses statement and first paragraph. You discuss more the necessity to stay optimistic and not to give up rather than the importance of sense of humor.

Faq, Help / Essay Forum Appreciation Thread [14]

Congratulation!

This is a very good result.Hope, even greater success awaits you in the future. I realize the significance of efforts that you took, but after all, all efforts are rewarded, as you proved on your example.

Faq, Help / I want to express deep gratitude; letter of acknowledgment to EssayForum participants [8]

Hi, Lynn


Access to essays? I did not completely understood the problem. If you're unable to look over the given feedbacks, this is a problem that should be addressed by moderators.

Don't worry so much about the exam. I figured out that if one wants to succeed at an official exam he/she must pull oneself together and have calm confidence.

With regard to feedbacks to your essays, I would be glad to be helpful as soon as possible.

Faq, Help / Thanking moderators and everyone who gave me helpful suggestion [28]


Hi, Vaishali. Believe in you, in your abilities and strength, and you will accomplish your goal. I wish you to score high result and share your happiness with us.


Hi, Kevin. It is never late to start learning another language, especially with your potential. Have you ever thought about it?

Essays / Essay writing about weekends, holidays, trips for KS1 (year 2) [3]

I don't know if it helps, but here is the recent sample of an essay similar to the proposed topic:

essayforum.com/essay-writing-feedback-3/womans-weekend-17561/

Writing Feedback / Essay for IELTS : Young people should go to university or not ? [4]

this is a too long sentence:
Although higher education does not guarantee young students' success, the benefits of learningstudying in universities are the vital factors in creating more possibilitiesopportunities for the development of society through advancing academic fulfillment and the young generation who have experiences and challenges.- this phrase sounds odd. Try to avoid structuring such an extensive sentences, since a real meaning can be lost. Truly speaken, when I reached the end I've got confused and forgot what you were implying to at the beginning.:)

Undergraduate / International University of Art and Design, trying to apply [12]

Fashion has been a fascinating world that I have always wanted to be a part of - apart means to be aside, separately; but I never knew what aspect of the industry I wanted to engage in.

On my spare time, I incorporate the trends into my wardrobe by sewing, cutting, tailoring, or re-creating clothing from my closet and/or fabric I purchase.

The program demonstrates that it has the courses I need to excel and has everythingI need in orde r to obtain my career goal, such as Retail marketing, Sales Promotion, Visual Merchandising, Consumer behavior, etc.

I will be able to become a fashion buyer for a chic and trendy store such as Forever21, H&M, etc, and own my own business and/or boutique in the future

I feelbelieve Ai-Miami will provide me with the tools I need in order to fulfill all my aspirations and goals as well as offer opportunities I was never aware of within the industry.

Grammar, Usage / Can this sentence be improved by punctuation? [7]

hi, Nicola

It was impossible to overlook these petite wonders - they were angelic.

It was impossible to overlook these petite wonders: they were angelic

It was impossible to overlook these petite wonders, as/because they were angelic

Undergraduate / International University of Art and Design, trying to apply [12]

Hi, Cookie.

I think, it's Ok, but if there is a strict requirement regarding the length of the essay, you may consider eliminating some phrases or paraphrasing sentences to make them shorter.

Faq, Help / Thanking moderators and everyone who gave me helpful suggestion [28]


All but one are orient languages, and I should say very challenging ones. Are you interested in Eastern culture and languages, or you like to face a challenge?

Essays / Studying History is pointless - stuck on this essay question [3]

Hi, Sophi.

Before starting an essay you should choose your standpoint. Then write an introduction and complete it with a thesis statement to indicate whether your agree or disagree with the topic, and what the essay will center on. Then comes the body of the essay. Select 2,3 or more strong reasons, as many as you can find and discuss them, by allocating one paragraph for each argument.

You may support them with examples, saying, quotes and explanatory sentences. Finally, write a conclusion, summarazing your work, and stating arguments that you brought to support your point of view.

If you haven't formed your opinion about the topic, search in the Internet. google "why study history". you'll see plenty of materials relating to the topic.

historyguide.org/guide/study.html
historians.org/pubs/free/whystudyhistory.htm

After finishing the essay, place it here. Forum members will check the grammar and content, and provide relevant improvements.

Good luck!

Undergraduate / The future of our society and foreign policy: UT Austin, Important Issue [6]

in South-Central Asia

an increased availability of contemporary technology

However, they are well aware of its fate and hear of its name daily.

It is the country of Afghanistan. - This country is Afganistan. your version is correct, so this is just a suggestion.

What is the price of the abrupt withdrawal in Afghanistan?

If we choose not to fight for the liberation of people

These are the answers my generation gives to this issue that will shape the future of our society and the future of foreign policy.

Your writing skills are impressive, but you slightly deviate from the topic. I could find direct responce to the question of significance of this political issue to you and your generation. The last para seems close to explaining it, but it's too general.

It's also a bit difficult to go through your essay because there is not clear structure. I could not identify the thesis statement, for example.

Best of luck!

Writing Feedback / GRE (argument): Recommendation to change the marketing style of a company [11]

exhaustive analysis; I think, you mentioned all controversial points.

Just one oversight, I found: The argument would have - what? - if the above mentioned flaws were taken into account.

Undergraduate / The future of our society and foreign policy: UT Austin, Important Issue [6]


Sorry, I meant I could not find.

Writing Feedback / Memory from the past can always give people more specific guide in the present - SAT [6]

Hello, Laura

to be an educated person

There, Iqbal received great tender and loving care.

..people applaused for his action and encouraged him to continue on .

I cannot score the essay, since I do not know scoring standards of SAT essays, but, overall your essay is optimistic and encouraging to actions.

Writing Feedback / 'You didn't build that?' - Luck has nothing to do w/ success [10]

Luck is something that is not in one's hands, that could not be controlled. Luck might not come exactly at the moment when we need it, or might never come at all, so people cannot rely on it. Hard work is different though. Any sound individual can address to hard work, as it is within his/her abilities and capasity. It's unreasonable to pin all hopes on luck to accomplish goals. Even if success isn't come, one will not experience regret for omission and inactivity, since he/she has done everything they can. At least, they would not waste time awaiting delusive luck. But, certainly, the right combination of both would be the perfect solution, as Shoumik pointed out.

Writing Feedback / Ielts topic high levels of violence in films today :D [8]

Thank you Philip. I'm proud of being part of this forum and trying to do my best, cause I really understand the scope of help that the essayforum provides to people.

Research Papers / the harmonized sales tax - Newspaper Article Summary [3]

Hi, Jacqueline


Can you specify what kind of help you want to receive?

Writing Feedback / The main purpose of art is not to teach, but to show [3]

- to show certain historical, cultural events visually that took place at the lifetime of the artist. There were time when painting was the only tool to convey visual scenes of an event. For example, "The last day of Pompey" by Karl Brullov.

- to fix in painting and display prominent people for the future generations
- to reflect the mood of the society at the certain period of time, by drawing scenes from political and cultural life, city and rural environment.

Writing Feedback / Favorite Word and why-Rate/give advice for my college essay [4]

you write well, as you have rich vocabulary and good knowledge of grammar, but this essay lacks structure. If you divide into paragraphs, it would look more consistent and coherents. So I suggest to break the essay and start second para with "Discounting.." and the last para with "Without":

To add on to that, the word "quirky" is worth a minimum of 72 points when played in the game Scrabble.
Discounting all of these very appealing attributes of this word, the chief reason that I would call this word, out of the hundreds of thousands of words in the English language, is that it describes my personality to the core

Quirks like these are what make all of mankind unique individuals with our own eccentricities. Take away these, and you take away our identity.
Without the word the can best be defined as my word, what would I be? For one, my skills at hangman and scrabble would be greatly diminished, as that is my signature word, but more importantly, I would lose some of my uniqueness.

very convinsing, I particulary like the para where you described yourself.
good luck!

Undergraduate / High School Chess Championships: A winner [10]

Hello, Navaneet

I'm glad I run into your essay. It captivated my attention from the first sentence.

I have few suggestions, though. I would propose to cange the title into "The winner". It would be more pertinent, since you talk about yourself as the victor in the life.

It was the morning of April 18th, 2010. The sun had just begun breaking the clouds and bestowing its gentle light upon civilization. - it can be inferred from the sentence that the sun spreads its light only upon civilized world and parts of the planet the civilization has not reached yet remain in the darkness.


The highlighted sentence contain information that can be viewed as culmination point. So you would better emphasize it differently.


this para looks redundant.

Thanks for sharing it with us!
Best of luck to you!

Writing Feedback / GRE (argument): Comparison of two cars [10]

Hi, Ershad

Hope, the following suggestions would be useful:


Apart from discussed, you may say that Sloda is cheeper because there is low demand for this brand in the market, which has nothing to do with its superiority.


Also, cars are usually assessed on set of parameters. Although Cosmic's fuel economy is relatively low, at all other points it may surpass Sloda cars.