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Posts by donrocks
Joined: Sep 3, 2010		 Last Post: Jan 22, 2011
Threads: 5
Posts: 120  

From: India

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donrocks   
Sep 3, 2010
Undergraduate / "Strength in Words" - Fsu. My Vires. [4]

mores means character and custom. you're not coming across as interesting. need to mention your character. something like i am passionate about animals. something like that you need to find or fake in your essay. add like i am geek who add flavour to the college campus.

"unique set of values focusing a deep commitment to serving the poor, disadvantaged and marginalized citizens in my community." in my community?????? you come across as arrogant.

to say your community is superior than any other religion( Hindu) shows you are a fundamentalist who does not respect other people and their faith. please work on the matter first then conclusion. it is according to me a poor show.

don't take it personally....that's my thinking. (by the way you need to read religions more clearly as in history no community is perfect. if Hindus have caste then Christians have raceism.)
donrocks   
Sep 3, 2010
Undergraduate / Philosophy that everyone can accept: "Vires, Artes, Mores" FSU essay [5]

YOUR FIRST PARA
1. 8 i 's in your one sentence. BIG PROBLEM. you sound assertive and off dominant nature to reader. need to improve.
2. the first para is about general sentences. you need give some evidence to support your statements. like some activity or school participation anything to prove your point. your first para kills the essay.

work on it. best of luck...
donrocks   
Sep 7, 2010
Undergraduate / "n experience that will alter my life and future" HOW PURDUE HELP YOU ACHIEVE GOALS? [8]

hi! guys... please leave your comments for this essay how much you like the content. thanks...
HOW WILL PURDUE HELP YOU ACHIEVE YOUR PROFESSIONAL AND PERSONAL GOALS ?

Since the time I sat down to write my essay, it's been a nightmare. I've heard that the weather is the most common topic of discussion. Unfortunately, it hasn't been my experience. It seems the only thing people in my life-parents, visitors, teachers, neighbors, and even my kid brother-want to talk about are my plans for the future.
donrocks   
Sep 7, 2010
Undergraduate / "One in a Million" -Texas A&M University- a person who ha made an impact in your life [2]

Frankly you come across as a very fundamentalist person.
1) Being the only male child... by the end of this line your essay would turn off anyone and trust me if a lady comes to check this your gone. Males aren't the only people who are working hard you know.

2) where did you apply your dad's values? you have not mentioned anything apart from your Father's qualities... how did it inspire you...where did you inculcate these values....

Trust there would be thousands of essays on parents and your's does not stand out.
3) Don't write he cannes me. your presenting a wrong message here by approving canning. no canning under any circumstances is bad. Edit it.
4) No paragraphing????
work on the content then we can proceed further. hope this helps. :)
donrocks   
Sep 7, 2010
Undergraduate / "the guiding philosophy behind my life" - vires artes mores- essay [6]

hi Jenny Stevens.
OK. i basically wanted to say your matter that focuses on you being different.
you come to me FROM THIS ESSAY a very pious character.
"In my case, it exemplifies the kind of strength I have." although i like the whole para very much however this line comes across as arrogant.

Mores point has good content but you repeat the first sentence. maybe you can give an example from your life that you did to show how controlled you are as a person.

"take me out of my comfort zone." please give an example in short things.
See, why i am asking for ex. is because there will be thousands of essays in each college and many fake. you must not come in that category.

so rack your brains and personalize the essay more so that i seems coming from heart and not brain. :) good luck.
donrocks   
Sep 7, 2010
Undergraduate / What does global university mean to you? (NYU Essay) [6]

i don't know. will truth cost you here?
OK. let's say your frog caught in well but what opportunities did you make use of there so that there is something positive in your essay. it shows a person who suddenly dreamed. no that wouldn't work.

are u interested in something... say that... be more NYU's programs.... show interests in their particular education programs....some research....you need to show something.

good luck and i hope this helps....:)
donrocks   
Sep 7, 2010
Research Papers / research about "the negative effects of playing online game to children" [8]

i) degrading of women...portraying them as cheap things...
2) developing curiosity to try out things that are negative
3) sensationalizing all nonsense which makes one forget the faint line between reality and fiction.
hope to see your essay soon.... :)
donrocks   
Sep 8, 2010
Writing Feedback / The Will of the Butterflies - An essay on any observation. [3]

very nice....
You have put across a very clean thought and simply shown through this essay that you're a good guy. so good job.
Maybe you need to tweak some part or lines of the essay to get some personal touch to it. it would be nice to see some 'i' in the essay otherwise it becomes a documentary... get the point. something about you and your relation with this topic.

otherwise all good. but nothing in this essay is showing a connection with you. it is a vital point.
good luck.
PS: If you don't mind would you comment on my essay as well. thanks. :)
donrocks   
Sep 8, 2010
Undergraduate / "The discerning words of My Parents" - a person who has made impact in your life [3]

First of all thank you for answering to my essay.
OK.
1) Your first line is extremely strong that it leaves a effect.
2) I am failing to understand from this essay what have you learnt as a person....specific.
3) your essay is lacking that of soul of parent child conflict and then solution. What was your frustration pls state and also what you told your parents and how you reached an understanding.

4)If your parents yet again granted words of wisdom then why did you listen. What made you change?
The problem is content is not showing the complete picture or its a fake.( Please don't mind it personally because its your essay what i feel is saying to me because it leaves many questions unanswered. )

Hoping it helps... Best of luck. ;)
donrocks   
Sep 8, 2010
Undergraduate / "Where do you want to go to college?" - Help With Admission Essay [4]

Yes and No... I think the beginning is OK. It has to be worked on but don't remove it. yes, i can feel how much you want to go there however you need more than strolling and imagining.

Let's get some work done.... How about saying what your interested in and how this college would give it a platform. some research project you're interested in and how wish to learn more about.

" The thought of ....me the rest of my life. " i don't agree. what do you find interesting you have not said.... and the whole thing is not showing you as a person.

I think you need to rework the content. Drop all inhibition and let the writing flow. Show that you are interesting and little nuts someone YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE IN OUR DIVERSITY OF CAMPUS.

Hope this helps.... Best of luck :)
donrocks   
Sep 8, 2010
Undergraduate / My ex boyfriend - Person Who Impacted your life [7]

i agree with kame. its not a problem to wrote about ex boyfriend but the content has to be honest and appealing. but don't you think you could rack your brains more you know like soul searching for something more stronger.

1) did you attend any camp what did you learn... what you will contribute to the campus.
2) your boyfriend could be one para in the essay and not more.
3) there must be something in school... an incident... a competition...you lost/won your experience
4)Parents....relative...pet.... some one who made you realize some issue.
get the idea....?
i hope this helps.
:)
donrocks   
Sep 9, 2010
Undergraduate / "the guiding philosophy behind my life" - vires artes mores- essay [6]

Let's not take the issue of kiss and all that because it shows your a rigid person. There are many who believe in God and have do things of ordinary life normally. God has not asked you to forsake everything in life but asked you to lead a simple life of non-violence and being kind to others.

1) are interested in animals? if yes, get some volunteer work done and write that saying your attached to animals. that shows your compassionate to the environment and animals. That is HOT issue.

2) Which classes challenged and brought you out of comfort zone? why? there kids who earn $86 on their own study in night and score amazingly good. See, its not easy just to say that. You need to add more meat to the issue.

3)Character... what is character? do you help poor? do care for animals/environment or some issue that shows you're then just values? You need to mention all this and

4)"So what if I didn't make the team?" I surpassed my own expectations....this line shows your satisfied being a loser. I am not able to feel the fire in you to say, "YES, i am going to win ". college needs winners and not losers.

Keep working. Read some sample essays here and their critic and then start writing.
Don't lose heart. i am also applying for undergrad this year and my essays are also taking months. i have posted one. Keep working. :)
donrocks   
Sep 9, 2010
Undergraduate / "the guiding philosophy behind my life" - vires artes mores- essay [6]

i wanted to add... something.
*I also reflect intellectual strength.... I've never been one to settle for mediocrity or accept the easy way out....I chose classes that were challenging and would take me out of my comfort zone....I stand up for my beliefs everyday at school, and it takes a large amount of moral strength. I can face temptation and peer pressure with more strength, because of my foundation in God. It's easier for me...

see too many 'i' and all that will make essay sound you lot of hot air. pick one or two issue and focus on that with EXAMPLES from life to prove them...

cheers :)
donrocks   
Sep 9, 2010
Undergraduate / Govind, SOME ONE WHO HAS INFLUENCED YOU. HOW DID IT IMPACT YOU. [5]

hello...everyone. pls comment. this is compressed because of word limit.

SOME ONE WHO HAS INFLUENCED YOU. HOW DID IT IMPACT YOU. 250 WORDS MAX.

I read an article sometime back which left a lasting impression on me. This was about a boy, Govind Jaiswal, who came from an extremely poor family. His father earned about 4000 rupees, (us$ 86) and the family lived in a 12*8 sq. ft. rented room in the by lanes of a small town called Varanasi. I squirmed with guilt when I read that he was studying in one room, his ears plugged with cotton to block the sound of the printing machine on ground floor. To add to his woes, there used to be 12 hours of electrical power blackout which would start all the noisy generators in the neighborhood. But Govind never gave up or wallowed in self pity.

Govind had chosen civil services not as choice but as a necessity. He was good in science but could not afford the books. He had to take subjects his friend took so that he could borrow the books. When I didn't fancy a subject, I never ran out of excuses to avoid it but here was a boy who had no choice to decide what he wanted. This made me realize that I am blessed with a comfortable life unlike many others. I once thought I was hard working but now my conscience was reminding me of many an incidents that differentiated boys like Govind from boys like me. Since then I have weighed my problems against Govind's before giving up.

Govind was one of the celebrated toppers of civil service exam.
donrocks   
Sep 9, 2010
Undergraduate / A New Sense of Responsibilty - UF admissions essay [8]

HI!
Just wanted to say if you have the word limit still in hand then why not write what have you really learnt from the experience.

Yes you have talked about trust and responsibility. mention something like it was an experience that helped me shed my inhibitions of a child and pushed me out of my comfort zone/bubble or whatever. OR you can say like it has helped me gain immense self confidence that today i am ready to take any challenge that...so on.

:) i liked the 'i' factor in the essay.
If you have time please review my essay also. thanks and best of luck...
donrocks   
Sep 9, 2010
Student Talk / How can I contribute to this awesome website? [40]

just joined in...and its a great job. correcting essay and posting our own for essay is good idea.

thanks everyone who really dedicated writing reply.

Thanks Kevin( u rock buddy) for the comments on the essay. Keep up the good job.

;)
donrocks   
Sep 9, 2010
Writing Feedback / GRE issue essay (45min) It is always an individual who is the impetus for innovation [4]

hello... i am quite confused by the concept you want to say in the essay.
1)Where is the personal touch? That is very essential. This essay prompt has to be more than words. Write maybe how you have experienced this. something you have to add so that it seems your personal work and not of someone else. Basic motto of essay req. by colleges is understanding you as a person and this essay sheds no light on you.

2) 'sick adv.' lets avoid being vehement here. what is the need of this line. It is a unhelpful detail to the essay that might make someone frown. Anyway, you could write something about yourself in the context of essay.

Work on the essay content and post it up again. hope this helps... :)
donrocks   
Sep 9, 2010
Undergraduate / (my decision to join a band in high school),If you were change one thing in your life [6]

Can i be honest with you?
This essay comes across as a very weak character who can't manage their time. please bullying is very common and natural. That is affecting you mentally and physically then you push yourself out of college application race.

Kids today are doing so many things. Community service, voluntary work, writing journals, camping, studying, researching and list would never end. Please look around and see that your commpeting with the best students from all over the world and if you write this then you won't stand much chance.

Essay are something that is chance for you to portray yourself to the college. See this is me and my qualities. i am an asset to your community and someone who is great fun and can give and take something to the college.

i am influenced by a boy whose father earned 86 dollars a month and he used to study in one room with 6 members. in the ground floor of the house there was printing press. imagine the noise. he did not have money to buy books for science and had to take arts because those books he could borrow from his friend. he then moved on to top the exam.

see, no use cribbing but lets pull our socks and give a solid essay. cheers :). waiting for your next post.
PS: please don't take it personally....i just thought i better be frank if you don't like please consider this a spam. ;)
donrocks   
Sep 10, 2010
Undergraduate / Phy & MechE-----which department or program at MIT appeals to you [5]

Choose one because that shows you are confident about your decisions.
Also, if you have not exceeded word limit, it is essential for you to mention that what experiences in past made you fall in love with the subject. I don't know what exactly is done in mechanical but best way is....

Go to MIT site and read up their on going researches. choose one and say that i am really keen on learning more about this. This shows you took pains to read up their site and gives you something solid to right.

Just saying high-tech. labs and all is very lame and general. You need to show that you really want to go to MIT to study this subject.

Hope this helps. :)
Please review my essay also, if you have the time.
donrocks   
Sep 12, 2010
Undergraduate / "Raised in Canada and my father" - feedback on my approach to a Personal Statement [4]

Brandon....really cool essay. You have personalized it well without boasting. Its a good essay.
OK.
What is the word limit? I just get the feeling that its a little longish essay. But that's not great deal.

However, life would change when my older sister had heart failures.

Its wrong. However, life had changed when my.... so on.

Its seriously good essay and a very clean and simple one too. Really good job. :)
PS: If you can, please review my essay also. Thanks.
donrocks   
Sep 13, 2010
Undergraduate / where from (dad) + quality (student government) - UC [4]

Hey Flora. Its a good essay but can be much better.
1st one.
1) You have got a brilliant story but there is a link missing which connects you to your father. Although you have written the story beautifully, one would like to see a little more of you. How you were inspired.... OR.... How you battled your way like your dad in adversities and moved on in life with a positive outlook of things. Your Dad story is great. Tweak it and it will be really nice essay.

2nd one.
Stranger? Didn't get it? Why did he give it you? Even if it was, it sounds very strange to say the least. Who and Why remain unanswered so they leave me dissatisfied. Of course, you have word limit so avoid it and mention a close friend who knew your secret desire....

Now this essay you are portraying a little negative side to you. Far too long you say you don't have any ambitions. By saying that you are pushing yourself out of competition. Two lines are sufficient and instead of saying "Laughed it away." say, "I was turning cold feet last moment because I never had left my safety bubble before. But a friend of mine pushed me in to get that form and fill. When i got in, it gave me immense self confidence to test my potential. I guess now my new challenge would be coming to your college...."

Something like that is little better( acc. to me that is if you don't like leave it.) because it shows growing up from a kid to grown up.

Cheers.... The essays have GOOD content. Best of luck... :)
donrocks   
Sep 13, 2010
Undergraduate / "Disappearing Acts, Art Eduction in Schools" - Texas State University Admission Essay [3]

Hello Krystle.
1)The problems are many with the essay and apart from many mistakes is this essay is not from your heart. There is no personal touch in this essay which makes it just an essay written by a child trying to impress.

2)Is this topic associated with you. If no, drop it today only. Even if they write that topic can be international etc, they will want to see a personal touch to the essay. It is necessary because we want to know why do you feel for the topic. OK.

3)If the topic is associated with you then you must mention your school... problems faced by them and what measures did they take. Give us complete picture.

4)There are lot of Grammatical errors and I would suggest you get back to the drawing board. This is running haywire trying to touch all current issues. See you have talked about Recession, Gang wars, Art and culture's importance and schools. Be specific and choose one issue.

Cheers....Writing essay is tough. I'm applying this year and having trouble with this topic so...
Hope you find this helpful. :-)
donrocks   
Sep 13, 2010
Undergraduate / From QuestBridge App: Diversity in college community [4]

Why???? 9/11 Is that only issue in world that you would like to bring to this community. Its high time people move on. And they have moved on. 9/11 has not affect on you directly then why write something so negative in your essay unless your dealing some topic like that.

Where is your academic interests? Where is your extra activities that show your multi dimensional person.
I would suggest complete change of the essay. This essay states nothing about Selina Dao. We don't what are your strengths, your academic research and your culture from where you come.

9/11 put fear in me....Surely, you don't want to say that in your essay. You do not show how you would contribute to the KALEIDOSCOPE OF THE CAMPUS BY ADDING A NEW COLOR AND MAKING IT EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL.

Change the idea of the essay and rework it.
Hope my comments help.
donrocks   
Sep 13, 2010
Undergraduate / Dr. Schorr has made an impact on my life [5]

When i started this essay I felt WOW, this is going to be a good meaty essay but as you progressed well, I was disappointed.

1) What happened to that teacher? Did you not fight back or some stood up to his cheap acts? If someone did then make him the center saying, how he inspired me to stand for what is right.

2) If Dr. Schorr is your ideal them mention some more details. This is not enough to just say he became a counselor to you where you could pore in your sorrows.

3) Where is the impact? The impact you have mentioned has not been clarified with an example. Some life like situation where you learnt from him.

Even if he was someone special to you, you need to realize that this college essay where person sitting in front of you has to be impressed and frankly, I am unable to see the bond so strong between you. I wish you would take up the teacher theme for the essay. It is a strong issue and you should write who stood up and supported and how you were inspired. That would be catchy.

Hope this helps.
PS: Even if you write Dr. Schorr then avoid saying

Each day I would come to him, tears streaming and doubts about myself just flying, a

This line portrays you to be a cry baby and that's not a good. Sorry, if i am little frank and hurt your feelings. If you don't agree its entirely your call because essay needs to connect to you.

I have written one on this topic which if you want can see. Cheers. :-)
donrocks   
Sep 14, 2010
Graduate / ANTHROPOLOGY graduate admissions statement of purpose (California Santa Cruz) [7]

Hello Alyson.
Let's talk about the first paragraph. You need to mention here why are YOU interested in this topic. Be specific on what exactly are you interested in. Suppose I write about chemistry, then I will mention my interests lie in atomic structure and configuration of atoms.

Approach in this essay I feel is a little jerky and not smooth. There is no flow/linking in the essay.

Instead of saying, Dr. this this and that, you can say this college's experiment on ... from anthropology is great and I would love to be a part of this scheme. Since you have not studied under that prof., one may raise an eyebrow over the line which doesn't seem to come from heart. Therefore, write about experiments and opportunity for research. This shows you took pains to read up their site and are truly enthu on going there.

Mention your accomplishment clearly in in each para. This is quite vague. Have done some journals or assistance related to your subject? If yes, mention that in one para separately and if not, mention something strong in your favor since they have asked, "How knowledgeable you are?"

Let's get organized on this.
Hope this helps. :)
donrocks   
Sep 14, 2010
Undergraduate / Football team, people, tradition, excellence: "Why The Ohio State University?" [4]

I think Kevin's got that right. You are writing an essay and its good to be crazy and wacky. Your idea of three word is extremely risky. You may get away with it and be noticed as different( a little less likely)OR you will not be liked for lack of effort on essay( a little more likely).

See, i like your idea. Make that two lines of the para. Talk about campus.... OR...their researches which you would like to be a part of and something like that where this could be JUST A LINE.

Advantage of doing this is YOU SHOW A MULTICOLORED ESSAY THAN A MONO ONE.
Hope this helps, :)
donrocks   
Sep 14, 2010
Undergraduate / My Story of Overcoming Poverty for my UW Transfer Essay [3]

Justin.... Really strong story and strong essay. It makes an impact and definitely catches the eye. But the only problem, I felt was this was a laundry list.

I did this...
This happened....
Then i did this....
See, i may be a little harsh here but I feel your ruining a great essay. Let's see your essay which has a story of a boy who can be a leader, a scholar, and an asset to the college show clearly without saying it. Add more personal touch of growing up. Some feel to the essay. This I guess, no one can tell what to write but you and I am sure you can do it.

Your story is powerful but the essay is jerky. Re-work it and post it up. A little more feel to this and this will be future selected essay. :) Good Luck.
donrocks   
Sep 15, 2010
Undergraduate / "Working at my first work" - activity, interest, experience, achievement in your life [3]

Listening to those individuals speak of their lives was sometimes tough to hear but yet encouraging.

1.Please elaborate. Individuals.... please use a better word. Tough, how? That lady comes in for a line in the essay which is your milestone. Need to give more linking between the lady and you. On how counseled her... how did you manage food coupons and all if she was illegal. Please explain.

2.You see, you have skipped all the important parts of the essay. You have not specifically mentioned what was your job in the society. Everyone works in a department and then the work is organized.

We tried to give them what they wanted and when we couldn't we always made sure we gave them what they needed.

3.Nice sentence but i think the english of this needs to be worked on.
4. The opening is very boring. You need to jump to the main content faster....!
I think a little more hard work is required and this be a acceptable essay. :)
donrocks   
Sep 15, 2010
Undergraduate / "to adapt to a new environment" - Overcoming obstacles and Excelling (SOP) [7]

Hmm.... I am really confused on what to say about about your essay. Good content and good English but.... The fact is I think you have written this very rigidly. There is a very bookish language written which is a little boring.

Further on in life, when I was in the 11

HamzaKP

I had a tough schedule when I look back at it now

There is a little of feel and connectivity in your essay. Your opening however is excellent. The quotation fits apt to the matter of the essay.

But the essay shows your very serious and very closed up person who doesn't share his feelings. Open up and write and I think you can present yourself as a complete package to the admission review department. Cheers....Best of luck. :).
donrocks   
Sep 15, 2010
Book Reports / The concept of Truth and Happiness: About 1984 & Brave New World [4]

You will have the idea only when you read this book. I personally have not read them but what you need to do is...
1) Read the books first.
2) Pick out some examples from the book on truth and all that.
3) Now comes the cool part, you need to link those examples with yourself, your family, your neighborhood, and today's generation.
Hope this helps... :)
donrocks   
Sep 15, 2010
Writing Feedback / Advertising encourages people to buy things or not [3]

From this essay, I think someone from essay review department would say," So what's new?"
See, Kalhari I think you need to add something different to make a change or add a twist to the same monotonous essay.
1. First of all, a clean and simple essay. Good. Nice to see clear writing.
2. Add something about or( fake it). But I think one doesn't need to fake. You must have encountered an incident when you brought probably something cool and it turned out to be a total junk or waste of money. So that adds a personal touch to the essay that helps one relate to you. Plus it makes essay a little interesting.

3. Mention a case when due to advertisement some case happened. Makes you sound well-read. In India, recently a kid committed suicide when he brought the health drink that claimed to boost up the height, which did not give desired results. Small kid who did not understand what and why...so you need to add with your idea of children being targeted that hard fact that makes the idea stronger.

Hope this helps... :)
donrocks   
Sep 15, 2010
Undergraduate / ESSAY B. An issue of importance to you...KATRINA- My Story [4]

BEAUTIFUL ESSAY. I would rate 4.5 on 5. Really nice personal touch and Katrina effect described not dramatically but subtly. What I would like you to improve is your voluntary work more effectively. That is a crucial point which needs to be worked on here.

1.

Many came in search of food, clothes, water, or just a friendly face.

Excellent line.
2.

Every person I came in contact with had a different story to share with me, stories of survival, stories of tragedy, and stories of life. Several of them had lost everything but the clothes on their back, and yet they were still in great spirits

This needs to be worked on. Why were their spirits high? Its strange but if it was so then you should give the reason. Describe one face from the crowd and his/her story that you remember. That would lift the essay few notches higher.

3. Conclusion is perfect.
Hope this helps. Cheers you have a great essay up your sleeve. I would like you to find time and guide many in essay forum with your style. :) My favorite essay on Texas in essay forum.
donrocks   
Sep 15, 2010
Undergraduate / "fascinated with building things- Vires, Artes, Mores are reflected in your life how? [5]

My imagination constructed huge skyscrapers, mansions

That's civil engg's job not mechanical.
That's only one mistake and I feel you have bounced off the topic.
Let's get it clear.... You have mentioned Artes and if we keep that then other two would remain unanswered.
I would suggest no short cut here. You need to start from scratch and only a few sentences from this can be applied there. Because there you need to answer two more questions on Vires and Mores.

Also these are questions where only you can answer. Your traditions, Your moral strength, Your so on.

There is a lot more work then just tweaking required here. I hope this helps and post it up with all answers.
:)
donrocks   
Sep 16, 2010
Undergraduate / "fascinated with building things- Vires, Artes, Mores are reflected in your life how? [5]

OK. That sets the matter a little different however, I would like you to still something more than this. You know the admission office would like to know you as an interesting person whom they would like to see in their campus. OK. So, let's give them I come here.... with these traditions...these qualities....give me a chance and I can add more color. Even if they write one, you will see most selected essays that they release on net have answered all and showing themselves as different personalities. Its not being full, when you show all three but showing your better person than others.

1. Did you go for any camp, activity where you could add in that you learnt the qualities of a leader?

2.You could even say,"Read a book so and so recently which made me think and wonder on moral values people forsake or something like that it can be linked that way to you what you feel.

This all is a part of your personality and if you have a chance why hide half of you. ;-)
Let me know what you think. End of it has to be your call because this is YOUR essay where YOU reflect YOUR personality :>)

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