Undergraduate / Given your desired major and why- Prison Ministry [4]

Hi, this is my first time here and this is my admission essay to a Christian college (given title at the top). Since it is a Christian schools so there will be reference to God and Bible. English is not my first language so feel free to "tear" this essay apart since I am expect to have a lot of tense and grammars problem. Thank you again. (words count 580)

Title: Prison Ministry- A Call for Redemption

Welcome to the land of unimaginable despair. Stroll through the peaceful pasture, you will next cross over the barbed wired fence that isolates this frightening territory from the rest of the world. Gates slam violently behind you, declare the finality of your freedom. Men in uniform are stationed in line at the front to greet new residents with guns and handcuffs. In here, orange clothes are always in fashion. Past the second door, rows and rows of "apartments" are waiting to be filled, with the narrow hallway in the middle to divide the opposite sides. More men in uniform. Most of the rooms are taken, so the "tour guide" leads you to the end of the passage. The dark hollow corridor is filled with the stench of unwashed bodies mixed with ammonia. Agonized eyes stare from the corner of each room give warnings of what is about to come. Do not worry, the reality will return soon enough the moment you reach your new home here, surrounded by three concrete walls and an iron gate. All worldly desires disappear when that last gate finally slams shut. Day one in prison, eternity to go. But, there is hope. A future await even within this bottomless pit.

When people think of Christian Ministry, they think of traveling to third world countries to feed the hungry and poor, to heal the sick, to provide for the homeless; however, they tend to overlook the difficulties of another segment of society--prison inmates. The hunger of prisoners is not for physical food, but for companionship to fill their yearning hearts. The suffering of prisoners is not for the worldly medication to cure, but for the peace that would give them eternal joy. The vulnerability of prisoners does not lie in the anxiety of no shelter, but in the fear of rejection and indignity. Prison Ministry is the role God has called me to, to give these lost souls the opportunity to be freed from this challenging journey and to take back the time they have lost.

Condemnations and judgments from the society, even from Christians are what shut these men and women into another parallel world. It is easy to love your neighbors but hard to be in the same room as your enemies. Spending years in this dark dungeon where loneliness has overpowered them, these prisoners are losing the race against time . Physical punishments cannot truly change the hardened hearts that have been tainted with insecurities and emotional damage. The inmates are only a few yards away from the outside world, but their hearts are hundreds of miles from their loved ones, bringing an end to most of their relationships. These prisoners need to be transformed from the inside out. They need the comforts from the outside world.

Who deserves a chance for forgiveness and who does not? God has given us all thousands of chances to come back to Him, but we have all failed Him thousands of times. There is no defined boundary that separates us from them. The incarcerated are on the other side of eight inches of concrete wall, but we are all similarly captives of our own iniquities. God calls us to love because He loved us first. He forgave so that we can forgive. Christian Education and Ministry can help me open the doors of the hearts of these men and women. The world can look down on these people, but it would be my honor to be their voice and their friend.

Scholarship / "A stranger that changed my life" - first draft for my scholarship essay [6]

This is a first draft for my scholarship essay. Please be harsh and don't worry about my feeling, I have none :). Please look out for grammars, flows. Most important: does it answer the prompt? Is is interesting?

The word limit is 500 but here i have 584. So please cut out/ shorten th unnecessary parts. Thanks.

Topic: Realizing how one person can make an extraordinary difference in the life of another, comment on who that person has been in your life, how their influence has impacted you, your goals, and plans for the future

A fine brilliant summer afternoon, not hotter than the usual. With Maria trying to keep up with my long legs, we paced through the familiar neighborhood. The sun shined down my face, through the thick layers of leaves and left strips of sunlight on the gray pavements. Bewildered by the glorious day, I dazzled into my own fantasy, ignored Maria's constant ramblings about how hot it was.

There he was. Again. It was the third consecutive day that I saw the stranger, sitting underneath the big pine tree in front of Andy's house, hiding from the blazing heat of the midsummer sun. I caught the anxiety in Maria's eyes as we came closer to the man. He looked toward our direction and gave us the biggest grin, revealing the yellowish front teeth. Paranoid by the odd smile, Maria yanked my arm, signaled me to walk faster. I stopped. The man looked up, surprised by my action, but then forced another smile.

Awkward silence.

"What's your name, kid?" He asked quietly, almost whispered.
"Ryan. His name is Ryan." Maria quickly answered before I could open my mouth, frustrated of the ridiculous name she made up for me. I said hello then was pulled away hurriedly. I looked over my shoulder and saw he was waiving at me. I waved back.

I returned the next day alone. The man was still there, sitting at his usual spot. I approached him and apologized for my friend's rudeness. He smiled but said nothing. I sat down beside him and started the conversation. At first, he would only nod and answer "Yes" or "No", still feel uncertain by my initiative. The minutes went by quickly, he finally told me his name: Roy.

As we talked, I learned that he was abandoned by his wife and two children since his first arrest for violent attack. The statement frightened me a little. Realized my expression, Roy assured me that he was a changed man. He then started to talk about himself. Roy involved in a gang during his teenage years; the reputation caused him to enter prison many times. He shared about the life he spent in darkness, overwhelmed by boredom and loneliness.

Tears gathered in the corner of his eye as he told the story. The hardened eyes that had witness the cruelty of the world, the injustice of civilization, and the indignation in the people's mind. The day that he lost everything. The day he was accused for murdering because he was at the wrong place and at the wrong time. The innocent man spent thirty five years of his life in the eternal labyrinth and was shut out to another parallel world. A bottomless black-hole.

"Do you believe in God?" Roy stopped and asked.
Confused by his question, I touched the cross that was tucked away in my shirt and nodded.
"There was this boy, he volunteered for prison ministry during my serving time. Nice kid though, he was the only person that would come visit me during my last five years in prison."

Two hours past quickly. I was amazed at how much I could talk with a complete stranger I hardly knew. I never see Roy again after that day, not until later that I found out he passed away from terminal illness.

Three years later, my first college admission prompt: "Given your desire major and why". My answer: Prison Ministry. It all started with a stranger named Roy.

Undergraduate / Imagery describing my college campus [2]

Please help me with this first paragraph, I'm trying to describe the college campus. I'm never good at imagery so this might sound a little forceful. Grammars and other errors point out would greatly appreciated. Thanks

The sunlight dances across the serene water surface, reflects off the burgundy brick walls in harmony with the exquisite fields of flowers that surrounds the grand chapel. Sitting on top of a hill overlooking the beautiful lake with unbridled flows of water that gently hitting against the grassy meadow, the colonial blended with modern taste architecture buildings of Dallas Baptist University reminded me of my home town in Vietnam, where I often spent my childhood enjoying the tranquility of the local fields of rice.

My family moved to Saigon, one of the main cities in my country when I turned six. Leaving the countryside and joining the noisiness of the city nights that were filled with profanity and raging sounds of motorcycles on the busy streets, I was at lost, embracing the nostalgia of the impoverished sights of the meager hamlets I left behind. Growing up in an environment where crimes had adulterated the people's mind, where agony of rejection had consumed their every beings, to my small eyes, the world was a decay of the new generation that losing its grip of reality. It started to become clear that Christian Ministry is my calling.

A different vital segment of society- the outcasts of civilization, prisoners are losing the race against the condemnations from the world. God has given me the desire to help the inmates to carry their crosses. Christian Studies and Education program offered at DBU will help me open the doors of the hearts of these prodigal sons and daughters to come back home again.

Undergraduate / "There was a God somewhere watching over us" -an experience that changed your life. [9]

Topic: Describe an experience that changed your life. (500 words)- Total: 523

Grammars and other feed back would greatly be appreciated. Thank you

I buried my nose into my father's damp, wrinkled shirt. The scent of fresh lumber, blended with the aroma of cheap washing detergent rushed through my lungs. I put my arms around Father's shoulders as my body swayed back and forth to the rhythm of the steps he took along the empty street. Distant echoes of footsteps belonging to the late-night pedestrians on concrete pavement interrupted the empty atmosphere.

My heart stopped. Perhaps it was just the sound of the incessant rain that separated my pulse from the silence of the night, or the water had drowned my agitated soul. I fell asleep as the silhouette of the moon rose above the black clouds.

I dreamed of the days that Father and I had spent together under the roof of our decrepit apartment, envisioned every mended part of the walls where the water had penetrated after each monsoon season. I missed the insipid meals of rice and soy sauce and Father's late night stories. The expression of the landlord when he slammed the door on us when we were short on rent disturbed the memory and became my darkest nightmare.

An icy drop of rain woke me up. Father was still walking, carrying me on his back. Street lamps flickered to life one after another until two lines of light ran through the endless pathway. I tried to recall when we ate our last meal. The thought of the taste and crispiness of hot bread made my mouth water.

We passed a nearby house that was celebrating a birthday party. I could see colorful balloons floating around the dining room. The fragrance of roasted beef covertly escaped the house into the cold and humid air. We waited until the Happy Birthday song had faded into the distance before we continued our journey. The song reminded me of the flute that Father carved out of wood for my sixth birthday. Even though only air would come out of those seven holes when I tried to blow on it, he would pretend to whistle along with the silent song.

How long had it been since Father started walking? Two...three hours? I tried not to let my tears mar his shirt and ruin its perfect smell. I prayed. Maybe God is watching over us at this moment. Maybe being homeless for a few days wouldn't be so bad after all. Maybe the midnight stars would fade, yield their place for the first rays of dawn. Maybe...

Eighty-three months later, I looked at the men sitting along the sidewalk from my car window. The dirty faces, the deep expressions engaged every corner of my memory. I couldn't describe the feeling. It wasn't pity; it wasn't pain, but rather nostalgia. I stepped out of the car and headed toward the homeless men. A little child about six years old reached them before me, talking and laughing with their poor souls. I smiled. It wasn't just me that changed from the inside, but the whole world has changed. It gave me hope that this wretched society is heading toward the light at the end of the tunnel.