This essay does not tell the adcom anything of substance. You just skim the top in terms of providing real reasons why Brown is the best school for you and not another college. Why is Woman's rights important to you? Why is the option to pick between Political Economy and Society" and "Security and Society of great importance to you achieving your goals? As you have it now, you could find what you are looking for at pretty much any top ranked college....The question remains Why Brown? We can help - Admissions Advice Online
I normally advise clients to be as specific as possible. However, for this essay prompt, they are looking for a more high level response. When they ask "where did you live," they mean on a bigger community level town- city- state, maybe even country. While your river example is good, it does not provide you with the depth that they are looking for in this very short essay. Talk more about the greater community you are from and if you have not traveled much, you can use the extra space to talk about how that community has helped shape the person you are today. - Admissions Advice Online
This is a pretty good essay saving for the narcissism and bullying that you display. Statements describing your competitors as "Awkward" and expressing your love for debate stems from you winning might not sit well with the adcom readers. Let me explain something that most people here do not understand. Admissions readers at most top schools are made up of community members...i.e the moms and dads of these "Awkward" students. It is very easy to offend someone with statements like these. Your goal here is to connect with the reader while displaying your ambitions to be successful. This needs to be done without coming off as though you feel you are better than others. - Admissions Advice Online
You don't even mention anything about the academic program. Remember, above all, college is about learning. Everything else could be considered secondary. You need to mention something about the academics at this school and how the structure of the programs will help you achieve your future goals. We can help. - Admissions Advice Online
This is a different take and I like most of it. You close this short essay by stating "In the future, I will engage in teaching youth in Japan so that my country can become more tolerate community than ever." This closing implies that Japan is an intolerant society. This may or may not be the case. You should try to clarify what type of tolerance you hope to teach the youth. You can cut down in other parts of this essay to have enough space to expand on what you mean here. -Admissions Advice Online
Please elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences
Whenever a school wants to know more about one of your activities or work experience, they want to know what were some things that you took away from the experience. How did you grow from the experience? What did you learn? Stating that this experience made you feel good, doesn't really allow the adcom to learn how the experience really impacted your life for better or worse. - Admissions Advice Online
Whenever you write a SOP or LOI for a university, you should always try to be as specific as possible. Connect the resources available at that institution with plans that you have for your future. For example, since you want to study psychology, you should try to connect laboratories, trials, clinics, professors, classes, etc that the AUC has that would be hard to find at another university in the region. Once you do this, the adcom will look at your application in a much more positive light. We can help - Admissions Advice Online
I really wanted to like this essay but you did not even answer the prompt correctly. "What else makes you unique and colorful?" This is the main question here. Not describe an object of importance to you. If you want to use the record player and the records that you have collected as your main example, you must connect that to something which demonstrates who you are. This is what is missing here, you are not connecting the importance of these items/songs with who you really are. The reader should be left feeling that they know more about what unique characteristics you embody. For example " the whimsical carefree melodies resonated with my carefree, nonchalant attitude." - Admissions Advice Online
Although it may sound cliché, challenging myself both academically and physically has come to convince me that I can overcome obstacles that stand in my way, and I can do so with confidence. It is with this same attitude that I pursue my passion for international relations.
Once again, this is NOT what this essay should be about. It should be about qualities and experiences that make you unique. You need to take your experiences and explore the value/impact those experiences have on you. This essay should NOTTTTTTTTTTTT be about how you are determined to overcome all challenges. This is a diversity question which should be about how you will contribute to the Georgetown community. I cannot be any clearer. - Admissions Advice Online
This is just not a great essay. For starters, the prompt explicitly states that you should write this essay in your own voice, yet, you try to use big "SAT" words that just stifles your message. Secondly, this should be about your unique qualities. Essentially all they are asking here is for you to talk about what makes you unique and how will that uniqueness help make the Georgetown community even more diverse. Talking about learning Arabic is a good topic, but you need to approach it from a more personal/passionate angle so that it allows the reader to really learn more about your uniqueness. As it stands now, this essay reads very contrived. You are just regurgitating "Key" words that you feel the adcom wants to read and this takes away from the main goal of this essay. -Admissions Advice Online
This question is asking you to explain exactly why are you applying for the major that you state in you application. They also want you to explain any past experiences you may have had pertaining to that major, experiences that affirm your desire to study a particular major. For example, if you want to study biology and have experience volunteering at a hospital , that would be a great support experience to list. - Admissions Advice Online
This short essay makes absolutely no sense. It is like you are throwing everything and the kitchen sink at this essay in hopes that something clicks. It does not. Just talk only about the activities that were meaningful to you during the time-frame given. State why they were meaningful and what you learned from them. -Admissions Advice Online
You need to really dig deep to connect with the reader. To be impactful you really need to show exactly what were the initial issues that you found and then complete essay by describing the processes that you improved/designed or implemented. - Admissions Advice Online
I am helping you improve it. You need to really dig deep to connect with the reader. To be impactful you really need to show exactly what were the initial issues that you found and then complete essay by describing the processes that you improved/designed or implemented. - Admissions Advice Online
What you need to do here is ask yourself..."Is this Harvard quality?" Do you really feel that this was worthy of acceptance to one of the most prestigious universities in the world? This is a very generalized extra curricular essay, one that can be found pretty much anywhere. Harvard demands more. You need to really dig deep to connect with the reader. To be impactful you really need to show exactly what were the initial issues that you found and then complete essay by describing the processes that you improved/designed or implemented. - Admissions Advice Online
Any admissions officer reading this essay will immediately think what are "expected abilities?" The direction you are heading with this short essay is ok but the execution is not so good. If you want to use a style of teaching as to main reason why you are applying to Georgia Tech, you will ideally need to connect that style of teaching with your style of learning. To do this you will need to state something along the lines of "As a student that values and....independent research...., then you would need to go into how and why that teaching style resonates with you. This will make your essay seem more thought out and believable and not trite. - Admissions Advice Online
It will help you demonstrate that you are really serious about this but you will need to tie everything together so that it presents a clear picture for the reader. So you need to connect how your desire to found this organization was spurred by your trips to this area. Specifically why health and education? -Admissions Advice Online
To answer your question...YES! This essay is very cliche. However, the main problem I see here is that this is not really a response that the adcoms at Stanford will appreciate. Why? Because hidden in this question is a secondary part that almost requires you to show how/why whatever cause you say is important to you has prompted you to take action (in the past). That is to say if the "unforgotten regions" are important to you, you should have some experience with trying to help alleviate the problems that trouble those areas. Since you do not demonstrate that you have even attempted to do so, this essay has absolutely no merit. Remember, you are applying to Stanford. More thoughtful and well crafted essays are required. - Admissions Advice Online
This is the stereotypical answer that most applicants will submit...I mean how many parents encourage their children to set low standards? With this question, the adcom really wants to learn more about your family setting. What unique circumstances have helped shape the person you are today? Stating that your parents set high standards hardly allows them to learn more about you. - Admissions Advice Online
You do not talk about what steps you have taken to ensure that you will not fail classes again. What you are basically saying here is "trust me again." To best show the dean/admins that you are serious this time, you should illustrate concrete changes that you have made including seeking help from a professional and/or taking courses on your own either on-line or at a local college. On a side note, if your grades were so bad because of laziness, why would you want to continue at the same school? If I were your counselor, I would highly recommend that you make a fresh start by starting at a new university where you can truly start again with your new found intellectual vitality. A GPA of below a 2.0 is really hard to pull up and this may affect your chances at graduate or professional school in the future. -Admissions Advice Online.
This is a very bland response to this question that will not earn you much respect with the adcom. This question is asking you why Yale and not any other school? All of the attributes you listed here can easily be found at any other decent university. So the question remains...Why Yale??? Admissions Advice Online
Once again, Unless you have extra-ordinary experience, at this stage, they do not care what you can bring to the university. You wrote; "Since submitting the application in January, I have been focused on concluding my high school career with a strong finish. As well as maintaining good grades in school, I have been involved in my church and music.." Is that something above and beyond the call of duty? This letter would not get you off of any waitlist. Again, the key to getting off of a waitlist is to show why YOU NEED that university. How will you utilize the resources of the university to achieve your stated career goals. - Admissions Advice Online
There are a few issues here. First, you mention " Although my studies during this period suffered..." I have stated this over and over; personal statements should only come from an area of strength. If I were reading your application and I saw that, the very first thing I would do is to pull up your transcript at which point I would actively look for bad grades. The down side of this is that I would already have negative thoughts in my head and would view your grades in a much more negative light. Even though you have a masters degree where your grades were solid, most Med School adcoms will pay extra attention to undergrad grades. For this very reason, you should never ever mention anything negative in your personal statement. Secondly, you have the same "Save the world" speech that 80% of other med school applicants will have. This will need to be focused if you are to have any real chance of advancing to the interview rounds.- Admissions Advice Online
The key to waitlist appeal essays is to show how the university is a great fit for you, not so much what you can bring to the University. Again, they want to see how you will best utilize the resources that they have to offer. - Admissions Advice Online
The fact that they are your cousins is the point I was trying to make because it is a "distant" form of legacy which pulls a lot of weight in college admissions.
Where is the spectacular failure? Having a medical emergency will not classify as one. Write about anything where you did everything you possible could and despite all your efforts, you still failed. This is a situation you or anyone else for that matter had no control over. Then once you have described the failure, talk about what steps you took to remedy the situation and how that made you a stronger individual. - Admissions Advice Online
What on earth is this? You are applying for a special "Honors" program at one of the nations greatest public universities. There is no need to write a story here. Just simply state why having the freedom to take whatever courses you want will be beneficial to your future career aspirations of becoming a doctor or researcher. Talk about a few of the courses you would explore with this new-found freedom that you would not risk otherwise? This is what this program is looking for. - Admissions Advice Online
Unless you are required to write a short response to a series of pointed questions, your graduate admissions essay should flow fluidly and should follow the following general outline. If you are still stuck we can help.
1. Your Background 2. How your interest developed in your area of study 3. How you pursued your interest (here you can talk about your education, research etc.) 4. What are your future goals 5. How will this program help you achieve your future goals 6. Final summary.
This essay is still not strong enough. Nothing you say here is really relevant to why UC Davis, except...."Because three of my cousins are Davis alumni." Are these three of your first cousins? Would they be willing to write a letter to the admissions office on your behalf? This would more than likely be your best shot at admissions at this point. You also need to work on your appeal letter and connect more aspects of the UC Davis experience with actual aspects of the college experience that matter to you. -Admissions Advice Online
Your graduate admissions essay should follow the following general outline. If you are still stuck we can help.
1. Your Background 2. How your interest developed in your area of study 3. How you pursued your interest (here you can talk about your education, research etc.) 4. What are your future goals 5. How will this program help you achieve your future goals 6. Final summary.
The prompt specifically asks you to talk about ONE thing. You blab on about this and that and seem very unfocused. Pick ONE thing that you are involved with and associate that to law. Here you talk about drawing, geography club, writing, reading and learning English. Focus on one activity that you love and how it relates to learning law. I would highly suggest you talk about your love for history as this would best make for a compelling essay. -Admissions Advice Online
Are you practicing for this upcoming cycle with last year's prompts? In any event, you do not really answer the prompt. You start to, but never really finish. You stated " I, being a geek, was not satisfied with what little I was learning in my C++ and HTML classes. " Now what you have to do is show how you actually went above and beyond the call of duty to really obtain the knowledge you desired. -Admissions Advice Online
In terms of content, this essay is absolutely perfect. You discuss the activity, but more importantly, talk about its greater significance to you. Well done. -Admissions Advice Online
Maybe I missed it here, but what exactly is so central to your identity? What specifically is so central to who you are, that if I asked 5 of your closest friends/family at least 3 will mention this aspect in describing you? -Admissions Advice Online
You did the kiss of death here in this SOP, not only is it unorganized, but you talk about bad grades. You never want to do this in an admissions essay/SOP these should only come from a point of strength.
Let me be a little bit clearer since you could not get the hint. This SOP is horrible. You ramble on and on about yourself and do so with no Rhyme or Reason. Graduate SOP's normally follow a set style. I advised you to start by taking a look at the 5,000+ good examples of SOP's that you can find on this website. Here is my final piece of advice to you. A SOP is meant to show why you need the particular program at this point in your life...It is NOT meant to be your autobiography of what you have accomplished and how great you are. Afterall----you need the program, not so much the other way around. - Hope this is clear enough for you.
Not to be brash, but how is this a transformation into adulthood? This is a super common story. Hundreds of thousands of kids go through this process every single year. This is a story about adapting to new surroundings and things of that nature, not really transforming into an adult. However, what I guess you are trying to say here is that you emotionally grew into an adult. To make this position valid, you need to walk the readers through this transformation, what was the clicking point, why did you decide to face obstacles head on? -Admissions Advice Online
This comes off as a boastful-Donald Trump-style autobiography and not a true SOP. There are hundreds of good examples of how a SOP should be structured. Take a look around. -Admissions Advice Online
Well, to be honest, this is really really a stretch, but I guess it works. What you are describing here is more like an extended babysitting session which in the US is pretty common(the 15 y/o babysitting part is). So while the story just passes muster, your writing is pretty strong so I believe that most adcoms will focus on that more. -Admissions Advice Online
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