TheLeader
Dec 28, 2011
Writing Feedback / Change is inevitable; 'What motivates people to change' - SAT ESSAY [8]
In conclusion, most of the infiniteNot sure if you should use this word, as there is not an "infinite" number of changes in life, but there is an INDEFINITE number of changes number of changes in life is driven by a desire for better life, and examples from history and everyday life have proven this.
Good job. This is well written, engaging (especially the first sentence which is one of the most important), and powerful. I would rate it a 8.5/10.
It would be a good idea to mention some of your examples (of Rosa Park and yourself) in the conclusion because I feel like the ending is a little vague and doesn't talk much about your body paragraph. You want the reader to remember what you wrote about Rosa and yourself when they finish reading.
In conclusion, most of the infiniteNot sure if you should use this word, as there is not an "infinite" number of changes in life, but there is an INDEFINITE number of changes number of changes in life is driven by a desire for better life, and examples from history and everyday life have proven this.
Good job. This is well written, engaging (especially the first sentence which is one of the most important), and powerful. I would rate it a 8.5/10.
Also, should I mention my examples again (in detail) in the conclusion? Thanks!
It would be a good idea to mention some of your examples (of Rosa Park and yourself) in the conclusion because I feel like the ending is a little vague and doesn't talk much about your body paragraph. You want the reader to remember what you wrote about Rosa and yourself when they finish reading.