Undergraduate / Experience which has influence on me ("This language is math") [7]

I like math since I was in elementary school. I attended many math tutorship classes, math contest and savored the magic and creation of math. However, I find most math questions are calculations on numerical or cubical values, then why so many people are still fascinated about it?

Since I entered senior high school, I have further access to math and learn how to establish math models. I used to do a project on how to design an elevator which can suit a particular requirement. It is new to me because it is the first time for me to combine math skills with realistic application. In order to make this model, I investigate the real situation, screen off the data and list all satisfactory factors and transform them into math language: coordinates. After much calculation, we finally arrived at a math formula. When I was so happy with my result, I surprisingly found other groups turned out the better solution. From this, I realized math can never be perfect and only by more cautious and creative work can we better solve real problems in life.

With my further studies in math, I read more books and learned much more. I came to realize that math is a science of number and space and its knowledge is closely related to our real life. Math is typically abstract and logical, with explicit structure and complete system. Also, it is quite applicable. With the development of economic globalization and computer technology, the math is enriched in terms of theory and practice and pushes itself to an even higher level.

Now, I know making math models is the process of realizing the phenomena by describing reality with math language. There are a lot of instruments to describe an objective and existing phenomena such as recording, videoing or metaphor. In order to make description more scientific, logical, objective and repetitive, people tend to adopt a strict language to describe phenomena. This language is math. Then I know the value of math. It is widely applied in all walks of life such as science, engineering, medicine and economics. Therefore, I am resolved to choose math as my university major.

Writing Feedback / Account of Activities [NEW]

Activity 1
In the early 2008, I participated in Beijing Olympic Games Volunteering Service. I filled in the online registration form and waited till one day in May when I received a phone call informing acceptance of my application. While I was delighted about this news, my teacher told me that this job was not easy and I had to persist no matter what difficulties I might encounter. I think it is my obligation to contribute to my country, so whatever I should do, I will do it to other people's satisfaction.

I began my volunteering work on July 11. I was allocated to the station in Beijing Sport University and worked about 4 hours every day. The summer in Beijing was so hot and the metallic booth I worked in was even hotter due to the direct exposure to intense sunshine. Since Beijing Sport University is a practice spot for athletes, there were very few people around in the beginning days. My service booth stood quite remote, so I only met five passers-by and the only service I did is to answer two people's questions. I was so frustrated and felt my Olympic dream broke down. But I wanted to change and tried to enrich my volunteering life.

I made a sign as a subway map with English illustration. Since I searched for the latest information about subway schedule and stations, especially the new lines, this sign did attract many people's attention. Some people designed their tour route before the sign. The other booth I was also responsible for was just before the university canteen. Considering most foreigners knew little about Chinese food, I looked for much relevant information from Internet and made an introduction booklet and put them in front of our service stand. In addition, I did a torch relay map and gold count sign.

What I did in the summer 2008 is a milestone in my life. It witnessed my improvement in various skills and changed me into a more capable and mature person.

Activity 2
With great enthusiasm and expectation for media work, I participated in the Student Movie Shooting initiated by IB TV station. I felt as overwhelmed as in the middle of a monsoon.

All tasks, ranging from plot design, actor selection, equipment rental, shooting, dubbing and advertising campaign, are new to me and offer a great chance for me to learn from. As one of the playwright, I find it a great difficulty to bring out the theme with limited lines and scenes. In order to lower the difficulty, I had to re-arrange scenes and plot. As the script-holder, my duty was to keep scenes in order, confirm accuracy of plots and scenes. This requires great patience and caution. Sometimes, even the place of a cup may affect the overall quality. These days gave me chances to know the bitterness behind the magnificence of movie making. However, my enthusiasm for media work persisted. While shedding tears on the completion day, I also felt relieved.

This unforgettable experience offered a chance to witness the birth of a movie and also know the importance of cooperation and mutual progress. This experience strengthens my willpower and I am more resolved to strive toward my dream. Hopefully, I can grow up rapidly in this field and become a real media professional.

Writing Feedback / Academic Interest (I like math, physics and economics) [3]

Since senior high school, I began to learn economics. During my studies, I try to link what I learned from the book to the problems in life. Then I gradually found the global financial crisis exert negative influence on all walks of life, and Chinese enterprises were no exception. Some new questions fell into my mind: What kind of enterprise can survive such a fierce competition? How to rescue the declining enterprise during such a depression ear?

If you want to know the enterprise and do a successful business, the first thing you have to do is to know how it works. Industrial engineering is such a subject. It starts from the basic cost calculation, methods to raise productivity and working efficiency, to minimize the cost and maximize the profit. In addition, it is not restricted to one area, but applied in wide range.

I like math, physics and economics. When I was very young, I started to attend Olympic Math (An Elite Math Training Session in China.) I was quite strong in math and kept straight As in math for the three years. During math (A Level), I applied math to many problems in real life. In addition, I am also very interested in management. This is partially influenced by my father, who run a company. From him, I came to learn that without knowledge about your own products and every step on the production chain, you can never gain more profits for your company, nor can you manage it well. Industrial engineering teaches how to utilize every material. Meanwhile, it also teaches us how to lead an efficient life: to gain the maximum profit at the minimum cost. Only in this way can the enterprise survive and even excel in the world market.

I intend to study math for one year and then transfer to the industrial engineering. After graduation, I can enter enterprises and engage in management. With my great efforts, I am sure I will be a successful industrial engineer.

Undergraduate / Four Short Answer Questions (family, club, song, why this college) [9]

1. Describe a family characteristic
My father is very strict and persistent. He always mentions a Chinese old saying: Learn from extensive reading and act based on accumulation. He cautions me it is necessary to read extensively so as to lay a solid foundation for future development. Following his instruction, I keep a positive attitude toward my learning and works diligently. Currently, I keep straight A in my academic record for two years.

2. A club you want to organize
If possible, I will organize a club Food & Cooking, in which students from different countries can introduce their cuisine culture and we can hold a Gourmet Festival. I am also thinking of starting a magazine in which students can introduce their distinctive cuisine culture. Since I lived both in Japan and China and knew much about two cultures, I hosted a column in Xichi, our school magazine, to introduce Japanese society and culture, including food and cooking. I love cooking Chinese dishes and making Japanese sushi, and find everyone can enjoy themselves at table.

3. Which song to sing?
I would like to sing The Only One Flower in the World, a well-known Japanese song.
I am most impressed by its lyrics: 'You do not need to become No.1, because you are already the only one.' Each person has his own characteristics and personalities, and no two persons are the same. Each of us is just like an individual seed. We grow up and blossom as beautifully as we can.

Sometimes when I am exhausted or frustrated, I like listening to this song and even singing it to myself. Immersed in the melody, I adapt my mood, reflect on my deeds and confirm my resolution. One voice surges from my heart "Try your best and be yourself."

4. Why choose this college?
My father is a senior IT researcher. Under his influence, I have developed strong interest in computer science. Your university is famous for top-rated programs in computer science and applied math. I am sure I will benefit greatly if I can be luckily enrolled. My dream is to design a "fluid bio-computer" that can change shape, work with its BUS as cells, complete computing with cell groups, and transmit messages with its fluid.

Undergraduate / My favorite word "Excellence" - essay help [7]

I am not satisfied with my writing and I am not sure how to improve it. Hope you can help me a) improve writing, especially the part you find hard to understand b) if you were to write this topic, what else will you add? Great thanks!

My favorite word is "Excellence", which means the quality or state of being superior or outstanding. It derives from a Latin word "excellentia".

At the first glance, the letter "e" appeared four times in near symmetry, and brings us a feeling of harmony. In addition, the two letters "l" is much taller than others. So this word reminds me of a Chinese idiom "stand head and shoulders above others", which means one is superior to all the others.

Another reason why I love this word is that it looks quite stable. Some letters such as "y", "g", "j" reaches the bottom line and shows a seemingly falling tendency. The lack of such letters in this word makes it look stable.

My passion for this word is also related to my personality. The harmony of symmetry it shows fits in well with my taste. I like balance such as that between learning and living. Only by keeping a good balance can we avoid unnecessary worries and raise efficiency. Of course, I also want to stand head and shoulders above others. This word is a friendly reminder to me to exert all my efforts. Meanwhile, its stability reminds me to take time and strive for my final goal.

Writing Feedback / "Experience of Cultural Difference" essay (pls. help revise, thanks) [2]

For family reason, I visited New Zealand on many occasions and I savored a distinctive cultural atmosphere
In the winter vacation of 2005, I attended a one-month English Language training class in New Zealand. At the beginning, all teachers and peer students were so kind to me and offered me help in various aspects. Gradually I got used to the class and got greatly improved. However, I found people around me were not as obliging as before. When I turned to them for help, they always said "You can handle it."I was quite frustrated for this but later I learned that this was one of the cultural differences. In China, as long as a friend asks for help, we offer our hands immediately no matter it is important or trivial. However, in western countries, as long as I am on track, they will leave me alone and I have to struggle with my own efforts. In my opinion, this kind of "moderate help"does contribute to personal development and prevents from over-reliance.

For all the cultural differences between countries, I exert myself to understand them and benefit from them. Only in this way can we broaden our horizon and view things in a more sensible perspective.

Undergraduate / An experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity [3]

When I was in grade 2 of senior high school, ten students from School of Jeanne d'Arc (France) arrived for a culture exchange program. Since we were preparing for a big exam four days later, when my school called on us to volunteer to be host, very few students responded. However, I took this as a chance to dip into French culture and readily volunteered to host one student. Though it took up some of my time, I still achieved great result in the subsequent test.

The student who stayed in my home is a very beautiful girl named Priscilla. During her three-day's stay in my home, I taught her to wrap Chinese dumpling, Majiong and pingpong, and went shopping in Xidan, one of the most popular shopping centers in Beijinjg. To my surprise, instead of searching for international brand, she went into some Chinese traditional clothing shops. After selecting styles and sizes, she finally chose one cheongsam (Chinese-style dress).

During these three days, I find she completely involved in my family. We ate together, learned together and played together. I taught her how to use chopsticks and she taught me how to make salad. She told me that her hometown is a beautiful seaside resort and she invited me to visit it in future. We communicated in various aspects such as educational systems in two countries, social news and cultural customs. On the last day, we exchanged gifts. She gave me a cassette tape of French songs and her homemade cookies and chocolate. I gave her colored grazed earrings with classical Chinese styles as well as a traditional artistic handkerchief. My mother also gave a silk dress to her mother (a typical Chinese custom). When she returned to France, we still kept in touch with each other. She said she liked my family, life in Beijing and Chinese culture.

I know diversity may bring misunderstanding, but without diversity, the world is unlikely to make progress. Therefore, I hope I can not only make academic achievement in the university but also communicate with friends from other countries. Only by sharing culture and value system can we understand each other better and contribute to a harmonious world.

Undergraduate / describe educational interest(essay which needs comment) [3]

I grow up in an open, equal and harmonious family. My grandfathers used to be in high positions in big enterprises; my father is a senior engineer in aerospace research; and my mother is a manager in a large state-owned enterprises. They offered me a good educational environment. Since my grandpa and mother have frequent chances to travel on business to foreign countries, they told a lot about foreign society and culture. This raised my expectation and longings for the outside world. This is why I am longing for overseas studies.

The junior and senior high schools I attended in Heilongjiang Province are famous for their high-quality instruction and strict displine. In the senior high school, I am quite good at math and keep my math score among the top five in my grade. I also like to discuss math questions with my teachers and classmates. As I remember, in one math class, I pointed out one mistake in the math final test and debated with the teacher for a long time. In the end, I justified my point by calculation and deduction. The office of math teachers spoke highly of my response and consequently changed the key to the final test. From this, I realize the learning of math is a pursuit of truth and we should speak out the truth as long as we know it.

I hope I can develop myself in full range, so I learned eurhythmics, drawing and Pipa (a Chinese traditional musical instrument). All of these experiences no only enrich my life but also improve my skills and temperament.

U.s. is the most economically developed country in this world, thus attracting millions of students who would like to follow finciacial and economic programs there. Many American universities not only have a long history but also have rich experience. In addition, the open and creative education also attract me quite a lot. As I know, University of Minnesota has successfully cultivated quite a large number of talents in various fields such as Nobel Prize winner, the former Federal Judge, the former Vice President and many CEOs. Therefore, I am eager to attend the program there and contribute to my country after graduation.

I am currently following an Accounting program and learning some fundamental courses such as math and economics. I hope I can follow a program in finance so that I can engage in investment or corporate merger. Since my country is in urgent need of this kind of talents, I am sure I will prove myself a great asset.

Writing Feedback / Contribution to diversity: I am a master at Pingpong [3]

I am a master at Pingpang and I used to lead my team to win "National Top Prize". As you may have heard about Ping Pong Diplomacy, I also want to adopt this route. If I can be enrolled, I will set up a Pingpang club or join a current one.

As I know, Pingpong is not popular in U.S., but there must be some people who are interested in this sport but lack chance to learn it. In fact, this fascinating sport needs physical and mental exercise and can bring pleasure to players. I hope I can popularize it and share its pleasure with foreign friends.

I also learned to cut seals, which is part of the Chinese traditional culture. It needs great patience and huge practice. By practice for years, I finally could produce a delicate seals and the process itself nurtures my fine qualities.

I hope my university education can not only help me achieve academic excellence but also prove me a great asset to university. I am eager to communicate with peer students from other countries and share with them my culture, my pleasure and my wonder.

Undergraduate / "to follow Finance Investment Banking" - Personal Statement [3]

The following draft is too short. pls. help revise and suggest in what way I can add something more. great thanks.

Partly influenced by my family, I would like to follow Finance Investment Banking.

When I was still in elementary school, my 60-year-old grandpa opened a small shop. They got up early to purchase goods, arranged them tidy, dealt with clients and calculated the profits after business hours. When they were busy, I offered my help. So this is my first part-time job and I got paid at 10 yuan per day. At that time, I thought of business as buying at a low price and selling at a high price. It is such as pretty easy work. Now I find myself too naive and ignore many important factors such as capital, risk and investment.

When I grew up, I am always attracted by economic topics. My parents found my interest in economics and thus bought me some relevant books. They even invited me into family budget and listened to my suggestions carefully. When I was 15 years old, I put all my savings into the stock market. After applying some basic skills, I gained a profit of 50%. My first success of this filled me with great confidence. From then on, I am determined to be a financial professional.

I reap great benefit from reading extensively successful business cases and my reflection on them. However, my knowledge and skills are far from enough. I intend to attend a university and receive systematic training in investment. I am sure my university education can qualify me as a sensible and talented investment planner and help people make money out of the money they already have.

Writing Feedback / "table tennis" - common essay [2]

I am not the physically strongest in table tennis team, but I worked harder than every other team member. When others finished 3-hour training, I continued running on the playground. When our coach arranged individual training practice, I usually asked him to lay a strict and demanding session for me. Even when I am at rest, I am still thinking about improving my skills. With the development of my strength and skills, I also adapt my training plan. Gradually I am finally rewarded by my extra training. Among all 20 players, I rose to one of top 5. Later, I even grew from a bench player to a top player. Last year, I was even selected as the captain.

In all, the past eight years as a sportsman has witnessed my growth from an ordinary boy into a confident, persistent man with strong teamwork spirit and leadership abilities.

Writing Feedback / how your family's experience or cultural history enriched you or presented [3]

My mother's hometown is located in Northeast China, an extremely cold and impoverished area. Whenever I went there, I used to help my grandparents make fire and cook. Since we used coal as fuel, the house was always filled with disgusting smells. Then I designed a simple absorptive device to tackle the exhaust gas, and the situation improved greatly. This was my first experience in research on exhaust gas.

My mother is talented in chemistry and exerts a great influence on my study. She majored in leather chemical engineering and engaged herself in chemical industry upon graduation. Now, as the regional manager of a leading international chemical manufacturer, she is frequently invited to deliver lectures in universities. I admire her very much, and hope to be as great a talent as her. In my studies, in case of any difficulties, I often turn to her for help, especially in experimentation. She can always offer me valuable suggestions and help me complete my experiment or projects to great satisfaction. In addition, I take solving chemistry questions as a real pleasure and always get totally absorbed in it. Therefore, I keep myself one of the top students in chemistry course and have got many full marks in the tests. Consequently, I chose chemistry for my extended paper without any hesitation.

Nowadays, chemistry is closely related to everyday life. In the future, I hope I could be engaged in chemical studies, and apply the achievements to construction engineering. With such an ambition, I am determined to major in chemical engineering.

University of Washington is one of the best-known universities in the whole world. My former teacher mentioned its Engineering Department on more than one occasions. The experienced faculties and excellent facilities there are what I am longing for. Moreover, an impressive number of graduates from University of Washington achieve great success in their respective field. Therefore, I hope I can study in your university, learn my favorite major and realize my dreams.

Writing Feedback / Describe a character in fiction: How the steel was tempered [3]

(what I have written only amounts to 150 words. I need another 150 words. what else can I add? pls. give me some suggestions. Thanks!)

How the steel was tempered, written by Nikolai Ostrovsky (1904-1936), portrays a legendary character Pavel Korchagin in October Revolution in Russia. As the hero of the story, Pavel, under the immense influence of a senior Bolshevik, has gone through a process from. passive defense to active attack.

In the battle, he realized that he must be a steel soldier of great determination. He once said: personal business must yield to collective interest. Though an accident left Pavel permanent handicap and he couldn't easily get about, he finally rose to his feet with his great confidence, persistence and diligence.

His example suggests we should grasp every minute to contribute to the development of society. No matter what we do, we should persistence until the minute of success. Meanwhile, persistence is of great influence and proves itself a great power which can stimulate one to overcome difficulties and attain success.

Writing Feedback / About an activity: the magazine Young [3]

What impressed me most is the release day of the magazine Young.
After a whole day's efforts varying from printing posters to blowing balloons, everyone was exhausted. However, from the grinning smiles on the group photo taken at the end of that day, we felt so excited and proud of ourselves because we were rewarded for what we had done and this itself was worthwhile, applause or blame alike.

It seemed quite challenging at the very beginning to put up the poster and balloons, move books and gifts here and there. In this way, all books were sold out on that day. It turned out that every effort can be rewarded despite the agony in the process. This magazine exposed me to various experiences such as happiness, responsibility, cooperation, all of which will prove a great asset to my future development.

Writing Feedback / "born in the rural area of Chin" - pls. help revise: My background [3]

I was born in the rural area of China. There, people do farm work day by day, struggling on the arable land. Children in such area become independent at an early age. They are able to go to school without parents and take good care of themselves. Due to an indisposition towards this kind of toilsome and inferior life, my parents took us away from that small village and established their own business. The lifelong experience of my parents exerts a great influence on me. I have set up my goal to be a successful man, like my parents, ever since I was a child.

In order to provide us with better educational opportunities, my parents worked from dawn till night every day. Sometimes, they were so busy that they only had one meal a day and merely rest for four to five hours. After years of hard work, my family moved from the countryside to the downtown. My younger brother and I also transferred from the simply equipped country school to the best private school in Beijing, which put much emphasis on an all-around education. There I learned calligraphy, accordion, side drum, and harmonicon. "What is real happiness?"My mother often asked me."To make progress every day and come closer to your dreams is real happiness," I got the answer from her. Their example revealed that one has to make arduous efforts to realize his dreams.

From childhood till I became an adult, I witnessed the great changes that have taken place in my family. Also, I understood the tremendous efforts my parents have paid, from the impoverished country to the capital city Beijing. Meanwhile, their life's journey has deeply inspired me.

They always tell me that a person should have ambitions and dreams. Maybe that is the gospel which encouraged them to come to Beijing and make their own way. All this motivate me both in my study and life. Child as I was, I made up my mind to create better life, repay my parents, and contribute myself to our society through my own efforts. Therefore, I persevere in everything I do. Besides, I am clearly aware of the principle,"No pains, no gains."

Influenced by my father, I am always concerned with information on banks. Books on economy prioritize my reading list, and I am fond of exploring problems relevant to this subject. In high school, I took economics as an elective course. As my knowledge of economics increases, I grew increasingly interested in it. I took each class seriously, because I knew that one cannot realize his dreams without a serious attitude or enterprising spirit. In the mean time, I enjoyed every minutes when I discussed economic problems with others. During my high school years, I did three researches: The Economy of Armenia and Luxembourg, The largest Economy in the World and The Economic development of Malaysia Kenya and Bahrain. They were all highly valued and praised. What I mentioned above contribute to my choice of economics for further study.

At present, I am looking forward to life in the future. I believe my parents' experience is my lifelong drive, which will enable me to be a promising man, and to achieve greater success. I am sure I will realize my dream, repay my parents as well as contribute my power to our society.

Writing Feedback / "My father" - pls. help revise part of my P.S. [NEW]

My father works as a senior IT researcher in RICOH, a prestigious Japanese company. Under his influence, I learned to play computer when I was very young, fix problems by myself and write small programs.

My father's research focuses on ubiquitous computing (Pervasive computing). He talks about "anywhere computer". In the future, computer will not be what it looks like now. It will be invisible and its use is embedded in daily life. It can think like human but cost as little as paper. I even dreamed to design "Fluid Bio-computer". Its form can be adjusted to the container: cells working as BUS, computation completed in cell group and transformed by fluid.

From the information I obtain from your website, I know your university if famous for its top-rated computer program. If I am lucky enough to get enrolled, I will learn diligently and contribute to my home country.

Undergraduate / 'studies, sports or other things' - Tell about a personal character [4]

I am ready for challenge in studies, sports or other things. For example, though I was not skillful at basketball and neither were my teammates, all of us could turn defeat into victory because we always could score some crucial shoots. In my studies, when I come across some tough questions, I will persist and consider them again and again until I find the solution. Such a persistence turns out to be a valuable asset to my growth and future development.

Persistence leads to my excellent performance in various aspects. Magic cube is one of my favorite pastime but I was not able to play it well. I even participated in a magic cube .competition. I failed in the preliminary test but I did not give up. I bought Secret of Magic Cube and taught myself diverse effective skills. I kept practicing whenever I am. I become fascinated in this game and my skills improved greatly. After several weeks' efforts, I am a master of magic cube.

From this experience, I draw several lessons. Firstly, confidence and interest can lead to enthusiasm and success. Secondly, it takes great courage to move the first step forward. Facing uncertainty, apprehension is evitable but as long as you enter into the domain, you will open a new world. Last but not least, calm and fertile brain is of great importance. In short, as long as I persist regardless of difficulties or challenges, I will achieve the final success.

Undergraduate / 'family of teachers'; how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations. [2]

I was born in a family of teachers. My parents are both college teachers and my grandmother and maternal grandmother are both teachers in elementary schools. On holidays, the whole family go climbing, have picnic on the grass, play water on the beach, and enjoy the beauty of nature. We spend happy time together and this sweet memory clings to my mind for ever.

Before senior high school, my family lived in the school my parents worked for. I always joined my buddies to climb the small hill in the backyard and watched squirrels climb trees. We go skating, ride bicycles, play hide-and-seek. We also take part in various activities organized by school such as ball games, spring excursion etc. In this way I spend my childhood in such a peaceful, colorful and harmonious environment.

My parents also pay great attention to cultivating my academic interest and reading habit. On my birthday, New Year's Day, or children's day, they always give me some relevant books such as Kid Encyclopedia. In order to motivate my interest, they subscribed some magazines and journals. Since I love reading, I spend most of my allowance buying books. From books, I learn to know the society, enrich my knowledge about nature, improve problem-solving skills. I also show great interest in science. Partly influenced by Ms. Curry, I began to write dreams required by Mr. Wang. At that time, I had no hesitation but to become a scientist.

My parents endeavored to create a forgiving and encouraging family environment for me. When I was faced with the pressure from the entrance exam to senior high school, my parents told me they cared more about whether I exerted myself, rather than the result of the exam itself. So is true for me to learn violin. They want to train me to be patient, persistent and enduring. Compared with most other parents, who are demanding and severe, my parents are forgiving and understanding. This also wins my respect to them and confirms my resolution to make bigger progress.

In such an environment, I thrived happily and confidently. I am sure I will realize my scientist dream and become an honest and ambitious man and prove a great asset to all people around me.

Writing Feedback / For advice: Account of my experience [4]

(pls. help me pick up strange collocations. I think some collocations are awkward, but not sure. pls. help)

My three years in senior high school has witnessed my participation into various activities, but the most impressed goes to April 2007 when my class, 06IB(2), designed and prepared for "Annual Award Ceremony for Honor Students". It is significant for me because it contributed much to my patience, thoroughness, responsibility and resolution.

...

Writing Feedback / Teenagers and alcohol essay - help revise or offer suggestions: [2]

The relationship between teenagers and alcohol, unfortunately, has been ignored immensely in this society. It's not like drugs and smoking which can easily cause hatred among people. However, whenever I read the news about "juvenile delinquency caused by drinking", I realize that it's critical to pay attention to juvenile drinking.

In my opinion, not only drinking endangers our health, but can it bring up social problems as well. Drinking can impact our growing up physically. First of all, excessive drinking can harm our nerve system and long term drinking can make our vision, audition insensitive. Secondly, it may damage our memory and abstract teenagers' attention resulting in drowsiness and even in illusion. Particularly, acute ebrietas would heavily affect respiration center and even cause death. Furthermore, our personalities and emotions can be influenced by drinking more or less, which leads people to easily get mad and stubborn. Based on what has been discussed, it's crucial that juvenile drinking be prohibited.

Why does juvenile drinking happen? There are some reasons that can interpret this. Firstly, adolescent boys and girls like imitating parents and regard this very fashionable and cool Secondly, drinking undoubtedly turns into the best entertainment at birthday parties and graduation gatherings for those who are just at adolescent period in which they always tend to risk doing something "fresh". Thirdly, students of high school prefer resorting to drinking for frustration as they are subjected to great pressure such as entering elite schools and etc. Fourthly, alcohol is considered as the "best" way for releasing their emotions due to their uncertainty on mental and physical factors.

Generally speaking, some essential measures should be taken which involve preventive education, intensive publication and legal supervision. Moreover, schools and parents should employ their joint efforts on proper instruction in which juvenile drinking is illegal. We are supposed to immensely publicize the harm of drinking and enable everyone to be aware of this. We should implement Regulations on Alcoholics Circulation and abide by the rule in which alcohol vendors are prohibited to sell alcohol to teenagers and related warnings should be marked in the alcohol shops. I sincerely hope that juvenile drinking is not longer a social problem and can benefit the growth of teenagers.

Writing Feedback / For revision or suggestions: The activity I like most [5]

I'm very passionate about long-distance running which can make my physically strong and benefit my determination. I once participated in Running Competition on behalf of my lass and persisted in running till the end. On hearing the gun, all competitors strived for take the first place. For me, my aim set was the first thing and then I had to follow "my aim". I maintained my speed without interference like my daily training to form swift steps with rhythm. Soon after, those who are physically strong remained ahead while weaker ones tended to lag behind. My own speed still kept me a steady level in competing with others. Gradually, majority hardly followed the group but only a few after two thirds of our distance. By devoting all efforts, I quicken my steps to surpass others with faster arm swing. Eventually, I dashed toward the ending with my classmates' supports and smiles. Undoubtedly, only by persistence, can we dash toward the ending.

Undergraduate / Personal Statement: biochemistry in your University [3]

I hope I can follow a degree program in biochemistry in your University . My keen interest in natural sciences, especially experiment-related subjects lead me across the threshold and the influence from my family and my learning experiences in high school finally confirm my determination of further studies and research in this field.

Possibly influenced by my father, a math and chemistry teacher, and also my mother, a science lover, I have strong interest in nature and immense curiosity in plants and animals. My parents always told me knowledge about biology, earth science and environment. On my 10th birthday, they even bought a biology Encyclopedia as a gift to me. Under their influence and with their help, I take learning biology an experience of pleasure, satisfaction and even amazement.

Since junior high school, I developed stronger interest in biology, chemistry and physics. On one hand, I am quite motivated in academic studies. Before an experiment, I read the instruction carefully to have a clear purpose in mind; after an experiment, I compare the results and manage to figure out the reasons for difference. In case of any doubts, I have no hesitation to consult the teacher. In addition to maintaining an excellent academic performance, I am also ready to help others by explaining tough points and showing them the experiment procedure. On the other hand, I worked as the representative of Physics and Biology. This not only provided me with greater drive to learn but also urged me to help my teacher organize activities such as trip to Botany Garden. One year ago, I participated in National Dinosaur Cup Knowledge Contest and this experience widened my horizon and filled me with greater confidence. So I am determined to gain deeper insight about biology and give my talents a full play.

In short, if I am luckily enrolled into the biochemistry program of your University, it will undoubtedly be a turning point where I can gain deeper insight into biochemistry. Upon graduation, I will devote to the research of biochemistry and contribute to the welfare of the world population.

Writing Feedback / Pls. help revise essay: The person who has great influence on me [3]

The person who influenced me most is Mr. Hu Zhiwei, my math teacher in senior high school.
Mr. Hu is an American Chinese and has been teaching us Math since the second semester of Grade one. He is quite responsible, patient and humorous. To me, he is more than a math teacher. Within the past one year and half, I not only improved my math skills but also improved my logic thinking patterns.

From childhood, I have been keen on math and confident of my math abilities. So when Mr. Hu emphasized the importance of basics, I showed great impatience. He told me that a full comprehension of knowledge is based on both self-reflection and enlightenment on others. He also told me that to be a scholar, to be a man first. Despite some doubts, I still do as instructed. Gradually I realized my improvement in logic thinking through helping my classmates in solving some math questions and built up a good relationship with all friends around me. What he imparted on me is rigorous scholarship and life of philosophy.

Every time I have a leisure talk with Mr. Hu, I can reap great benefits. For example, when we learn exponential equation, he mentions its application in daily life. In financial matters, exponential equation has much to do with interest rate settlement and it can lead us for the maximum profits. In our life, programming and graphic design of popular PC games are both based on exponential equation. In fact, even population growth and multiplication of living creatures. What he said confirmed my belief that we learn math not only to deal with the test but also to apply it as solution to daily problems. The final goal of learning is to turn knowledge into skills and apply theory into practice.

Mr. Hu is quite influential to me. Though he is not teaching me now, what he said still sticks to my mind and will prove a great asset to my studies and life.