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Posts by MiaB
Joined: Dec 25, 2012
Last Post: Dec 27, 2012
Threads: 8
Posts: 25  
From: Tunis

Displayed posts: 33
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Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / "dream big"; YALE Supp _ Why Yale ? [8]

Here's a revised version of this essay :

Why Yale ?
As I've always been taught to "dream big", Yale has become my dream-university, mainly due to its intellectually inspiring environment. Besides, the unique harmony between both sciences and humanities that's at the core of Yale's undergraduate education definitely sets it apart from other universities; not to mention its community's great diversity. I am longing to publish columns in Yale scientific Magazine, join in engineers without borders or the Yale undergraduate robotics.

Please tell me if it is any better; and if there still are things to improve.
Thanks a lot!
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / Competitive World; MIT essay _ Describe the world you come from [5]

Okay; thank you guys.

If I didn't exactly talk about the specific major I'm going for and what motivated me this much , it's because there is another essay asking us to elborate on that : Although you may not yet know what you want to major in, which department or program at MIT appeals to you and why?

So, I figured I didn't need to repeat myself much ..
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / At 13 we moved to Cairo; COMMON APP_ Significant experience [6]

Hello ;

Here's my Common application essay . Please tell me what you think ; and point out any grammar / structure, etc. erros .

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
To respond to this essay, I've chosen to talk about both of my expatriations; that have shaped my identity and contributed a lot to a diversification of my cultural background.

I am Moroccan. I was born in Rabat, and I've lived there and attended Moroccan schools until I've reached the age of 13, when we moved to Cairo. It was such a huge change, because the Egyptian culture is really different from the one I've got used to. Moreover, I've also changed school system, joining the French one. And, even these two cultures are extremely different. My whole world was turned upside down, and I've lost all of my points of reference. Nevertheless, I've learned to adapt to this new way of life, and surpass the language barer because, yes, even the Egyptian Arabic was very different from the Arabic I've learnt and talked until then.

But, I didn't spend more than a year in Cairo when before we've had to move again, but to Tunisia this time. Again, I've had to face a whole new range of habits. If felt like I would be re-living the nightmare. At the beginning, I could only view that new life's negative aspects; I felt like if I was torn away, not only once but twice, from everything I cared about -my friends and family, and bought into this country, where I couldn't even communicate with people outside of my school.

However, a more in-depth and introspective thought made me realize that those years I've spent abroad provided me with such intellectual blossoming that I wouldn't have had if I've spent them all in my home country. This expatriation experience granted me a great cultural diversification. For instance, my 9th grade class was made of students from about ten different citizenships, and this diversity allowed exchanges of great cultural relevance between us. I remember being invited by this Irish friend of mine to taste the traditional Irish Stew, learning to spell Armenian with the help of an Armenian classmate, or me, showing them traditional Moroccan clothing; whereas communicating between each other in French, in the Egyptian territory. How amazing is this cultural intermingling?

Thanks a lot .
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / Hey! My name is ------ ; Babson College Sup/ Roommate [3]

If I had to describe myself in a few words, risk-taking, friendly and motivated would be it.

Apart from that, your essay is good. But, a bit generic , don't you think ? The admissions officers will probably see a thousand like this one ... How will they remember it ? Try making a little bit more original ...

Take a look at my letter to a roommate; I've tried to make it look a little bit more "crazy" ; because I figured all the hard-work and motivation qualities were already mentionned in other essays.
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / Empowerment/Independence/Healthy environment; Barnard Supplement - "Why Barnard?" [6]

Learning about empowerment and independence while living in an environment that is not isolated from the other gender seems like a healthy environment to grow into a strong, intelligent and mature woman.

In here, you use the word environment twice; try picking another similar one.

Apart from that, your essay is good ; you show a lot of determination.
If I were you, I would cut the last, because you kind of repeat what you've already said that you would want to be sourrounded by women and all ...
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / Be Born Every day; COMMON APP/ Person who had Significant Influence [6]

. My perception of life and my aims altersperiodically

: alter* (no s)

Apart from that and what the others already said; I think your essay is really good. Well-written; and the narration is pretty touching.

However, be careful : i've heard essays about parents are not appreciated much ...
Dec 26, 2012
Undergraduate / Competitive World; MIT essay _ Describe the world you come from [5]

Hello ;

Here's my reponse to this MIT essay question :

Describe the world you come from; for example, your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?(*)

I live in a very competitive environment. Indeed, most of my classmates are really determined to work as hard as possible to be "the best"; which makes reaching this so-desired position really hard. In general, that's the way my high school works: you either are excellent, or nothing; "good" or "average" don't provide much for a student. In fact, as it is a French school located abroad, the non-French students that attend it were selected based upon their results on an admission exam (that I myself had to take before entering my 9th grade in Cairo). This system sets the bar pretty high. Besides, my parents have, as well, always pushed me to head the top. Thus, this world has led me to always dream big, and has provided me with a very strong will to always go forehead. I am, therefore, not afraid of shooting the moon; and it's in this spirit that I've chosen to apply for MIT.

Winston Churchill once said: "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts." This quote has always been of a great inspiration; it epitomizes one set of values that matter a lot to me, and that my family taught me. Thus, I believe that one should never give up on his dreams and aspirations, no matter how impossible they seem to fulfill.

Therefore, if I, today, I dream of studying at MIT and becoming a chief executive, or an engineer that will invent a revolutionary engine in a few days; I owe it all to my family and school.

Please point out any grammar, ponctuation, style, structure, etc. errors. And, tell me wether I am answering the question or not .. Thank you.
Dec 26, 2012
Undergraduate / I always enjoy discussions; Bowdoin / Intellectual Engagement [2]

Anybody who is intellectually curious likes to experience Intellectual engagement.

You repeat the word "intellectual" twice in here; try replacing one with an another similar word.

I think that you need to review a little bit more sequence of tenses in your 2nd pargraph.

Apart from that, your essay seems good; and I feel like you do provide enough real-life examples!
Dec 26, 2012
Undergraduate / "dream big"; YALE Supp _ Why Yale ? [8]

Hello ;

Here's my answer to a Yale Supplement question : "Why Yale ? "

I've always been taught to "dream big", not to be afraid of shooting the moon. And, it is in this spirit that I've chosen Yale. I've never got the opportunity to visit its campus, but that didn't stop from wanting it. Indeed, Yale's world-wide renown -definitely unquestionable-, and its intellectually inspiring environment, with stunning teachers and enthralled student, makes it the dream-university for me; not to mention the splendid campus, in which I wish to live. Besides, Yale's particular way of combining humanities to sciences makes it very appealing to me.

Please tell me what you think; and point out any grammar/wordiness/ponctuation errors.
Thanks a lot !
Dec 26, 2012
Undergraduate / Coach P made tough girls cry; Common App Essay [10]

Even though didn't try out for basketball the following year.

Here : you've missed an "I".

Even though I was successful at tryouts, I was far from being successful in the locker room. I

and, in this sentence, try picking an other word, rather than "successful" (you repeat it twice) ..

Apart from that, I thought this was a good essay .

Oh and, would you mind helping with mine? Thanks; that would mean a lot !
Dec 26, 2012
Undergraduate / "Determination"; Stanford Supp_ what matters to you and why ? [2]

Hello ;

Here's my response to Stanford Supplement's question : "What matters to you and why ? "

Please point out any wordines, grammar, and ponctuation errors. Thanks a lot !

"Determination". The very strong will to always go forehead and give our best, heading to the top on our path to excellence. I've never been afraid of shooting the moon, and doing so is of such relevance to me that it has become a sort of necessary axiom to every single one of my moves. The very deep belief that we would end up being the best is what, according to me, leads us to this so-desired position.

Winston Churchill once said: "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts." This quote has always been of a great inspiration; it epitomizes one set of values that matter a lot to me. Thus, I believe that one should never give up on his dreams and aspirations, no matter how impossible they seem to fulfill. Throwing the sponge is the worst thing one can do for himself.

For instance, a few weeks ago, my math and physics teachers suggested that I participate in the "Concours GĂŠnĂŠral", a very competitive French exam, rewarding the most talented students (Each year, every teacher picks some of his students that he feels can succeed in this contest). They highlighted the abominably brilliant aspect of this exam, telling me that the questions asked each year are close to impossible to answer. My math teacher even handed me a topic that was considered "easy" and on which I spent hours to eventually come up with the knack that would help solve the problem. Even my teachers told me that on some questions, they happen to completely dry up. I knew that once they sign me up to this prestigious contest, I would enter a sinuous road, hard to cross, but not impossible.

So, how could I say "no" and not take this huge opportunity to show what I'm worth even if it meant additional hours of hard-work and preparation?

Both of my teachers eventually signed me up, in addition to my English teacher. So, here am I, preparing for three "Concours gĂŠnĂŠraux" as knowing that nothing is grated, but still doing my best to reach the top.

Therefore, what matters to me is to fight to achieve our really ambitious goals. As Brian Littrel said: "Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars."
Dec 26, 2012
Undergraduate / 'An Unexpected Journey and Winning the Green Card' Common Application [33]

hello !

I think it's very good; well-written and all. The narration is great.
And yeah, I think you need a better title ! I'm thinking of one; I'll let you know if I have anything.

and, I feel it fits more the Common app prompt that "topic of your choice".
Dec 26, 2012
Undergraduate / Boston offers all important features to me; Boston University / Why BU? [11]

If given the opportunity to become part of [lacking the exact word here, help!] and make/leave my mark contributing positively to society putting into good use the tools Boston University will make available to me, I would not think twice.

I think that this sentence is a bit too long ; try making it more clear by splitting into two ?

And, for the lacking word : I'm not sure what you wanted to say, but is it "BU's community "?

Apart from that, it's all very good . I really like it ! Good luck .
Dec 26, 2012
Undergraduate / Housework; MIT App /Pleasure Activity [5]

Both ideas are really original !
However, I think I prefer the 2nd one. I mean, if I was working on a admission office and reading this; I would probably love to know more about it.

+ it shows precision and hand-work qualities. And, the first sentence is really catchy !
Dec 26, 2012
Undergraduate / Oh my god! We did? ; STANFORD Supp - Writing a letter to your future roommate [3]

Hello everyone ;

Here's my "letter to a future roommate" that Stanfors asked us to write. Please point out any wordiness, grammar or punctuation mistakes.

and, does it sound weird to read ? (I just get the strong feeling it does).
Oh, and, I exceed the 2000-characters limit ! I would appreciate any advise on what part to cut .. Thanks a lot !

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better

Dear roommate,
If you're reading this, then it's probably because you and I got in.
Oh my god! We did? How awesome is that? I'm already dreaming of driving along the Palm Drive to enter the gorgeous campus where the red S-flag prestigiously embraces the wind's subtle dance steps.

I can't wait to finally live that dream, and end up meeting you! I've been thinking a lot about you; picturing you each time in a different way. I am pretty curious about how you might look, how you might think, and at which level we're going to be partners in crime. Did I mention "crime"? Don't worry about it; I'm just kidding. I've probably read too many crime fictions.

Oh, by the way, I read a lot of books. Every time I read a new one, it becomes my favorite: I might talk about it for hours. If I don't make myself any other friends, I guess you will have to put up with the torture. Actually, it doesn't only apply to books: I can become really talkative about almost anything that enthralls me -including a tasty cappuccino! I even happen to speak in my sleep! No one has every succeeded in deciphering a single word from what I say, but who says: maybe you'll become the first thought-said-asleep-decoder? You would discover interesting secrets.

Also, when it comes to movies, music, or books, I appreciate pretty much everything. Indeed, I can listen to Mozart and right after, to Gangnam Style. This means there will be common things we both are passionate about: I can't wait for us to have blazing conversations on them.

On pretty weird thing you might want to know about me is that every time I get sad, I start singing as listening to sad songs; which makes me even more sad, especially when I realize how bad my voice sounds. I, thus, really can't sing. But, that never stopped me from hitting high notes under the shower. Don't worry; I'll bring earplugs to avoid any eardrum wound.

Have I mentioned that I sometimes forget to drink water, during entire days? And, I only realize that when my rib starts hurting. Does it make me an alien? Maybe. Plus, I like to eat desert before the dish and end it all with salad.

Anyway, I can't wait for us to start our conquest of the World, at Stanford. If you happen to face any technical problem, in your path to excellence; I'll be there to help ... when I finish reading Fred Vargas' last novel.

On D-Day, if you see a tall brunette wearing really flashy colors, then it's probably me!
Looking forward to meet you,
Dec 26, 2012
Undergraduate / Ideological Divergence/Equitable Devlopment; Stanford sup/;Most significant challenge [2]

Hello Everyone !

This is my answer to one of the Stanford Supplement Questions :

What is the most significant challenge that society faces today?
(I wouldn't call it an essay; since the answer is limited to 300 characters. But, the problem is that I've had to ideas; and I just can't make up my mind about which one to pick.

If you could tell me what you think; I would appreciate it a lot :

- Challenge : ideological divergence

Each person starts building her own perception of the world; afar of any universal logic, and any bipolar political principal. But, the problem is that this "mental uprising" has pros and cons. And, the cons make this ideological divergence between components of each society a real challenge to face

- Challenge : equitable development :

To me, it is to ensure an equitable global development of the world, so that everyone gets an equal access to education, healthcare, and basic life tools because nowadays, we live in a world in which rich people keep getting richer, poor people poorer, and the gap between those deeper.

Thanks a lot.
Dec 25, 2012
Undergraduate / Love for animals; MIT short answer - most significant challenge [4]

Hello everyone; please tell me what you think of my essay : (grammar comments, vocabulary, organization, or any suggestions .. )

Tell us about the most significant challenge you've faced or something important that didn't go according to plan. How did you manage the situation?(*) (200-250 words)

Since very young, I've always felt close to animals. My favorites were horses. I must have had 6 years old; the first time I rode one: her name was "Bella", and felt such fulfillment and freedom as riding it that doing so has turned into a passion for me.

I kept riding, as I grew up, and getting each time better and closer to the horses. However, my riding experience is not all happy. Indeed, a few years ago, as I was riding "Amazone", a very beautiful and imposing horse, a gust of wind scared off the poor animal, used to be ridden indoors only. Thus, we were close to approach a fence, when Amazone bucked, and I haven't had enough time to adjust the reins, before falling over.

Of course, this wasn't my first fall off a horse; it must have been the tenth time: no one can ever claim of being a good horse rider if he never experienced a falling. But, this time, it was different: it wasn't a simple fall, after which legs would hurt for a day or two. No, I have had a serious knee-fracture: I've had to wear a plaster cast for two months.

Though, the biggest challenge I've had to face was, once the two months were over, getting back on track, riding Amazone again. I was really torn between my passion of riding and the fear of getting hurt and re-living the horrible cast-experience all over. It was very difficult dilemma to end; but I eventually bypassed my fear: I couldn't stand the idea of giving up on my passion just because I was too much of a coward to face it. This personal challenge is the most relevant that I've had to face.

I still ride Amazone.
Dec 25, 2012
Undergraduate / The ticking clock/ Personal Attribute [4]

The essay is cool ; because it's really original.
But, are you sure that's the "attribute of your personality are you MOST proud of " ? because you seem quiet .. mitigated when you talk about it .

Hope this helps.
Good luck
Dec 25, 2012
Undergraduate / Its Spirit. community,subject options/ NORTHWESTERN Sup;Unique qualities? [10]

Hello !

I love how you started the essay ; it shows a lot of interest and motivation.

However, I think something is missing : you never really talk about why you've chosen law, and not any other fiel of study.
and, your 2nde parapraph's first sentence is a little bit too long : why don't you try to rephrase it ?
and, in the 2nd sentence : maybe you need to replace the first "and" with a coma ?

good luck ..
Dec 25, 2012
Undergraduate / I made my first 125-miles trip to Munich. ; MIT App; Significant challenge [5]

I don't really agree ;

I think it depends of the reader's opinion; but I felt that this essay says a lot of positive things about you : you could handle the situation by asking people to help you ; and did not just panic and burst into tears (which I would have done ... ) . Plus : you showed that even with everything that was going on; you still managed to keep focused on the test day !
Dec 25, 2012
Undergraduate / EEC/ I crave for Computer & Math; MIT Short answer - which department/program & why? [5]

Thanks; I'll try to revise it.

Just to make sure I've understood your comment : do you mean that I need to add things like :
"Besides, the laboratory research and independent projects, included in this MIT department's undergraduate education, seem to provide such intellectual blossoming that I can't wait to experience it. " ?

Thanks again.
Dec 25, 2012
Undergraduate / EEC/ I crave for Computer & Math; MIT Short answer - which department/program & why? [5]

Here's my answer the MIT's question :

Although you may not yet know what you want to major in, which department or program at MIT appeals to you and why? (*) (100 words or fewer)

Math is my passion: I absolutely love spending hours trying to figure out a way to solve a really tough problem. And, the pleasure and fulfillment I sense after finding that solution is such that I know it's what I want to do later, what I want to study. Arithmetic and algorithms are my favorite; I am fascinated by cryptography, codes, and computer programming's world, which tempt me a lot since I've started reading Dan Brown. Plus, I've always been curious about computers' impressive coding and programming abilities. Thus, I want to be, someday, an engineer that would create a really powerful code-breaking algorithm, or an algorithm that would analyze financial markets. My craving for computer science and math makes, therefore, MIT's Electrical Engineering and Computer science department the most appealing to me.

what do you think ?
Dec 25, 2012
Undergraduate / Dealing with people; Stanford / Intellectual vitality [16]

On the first essay :

I think you need to change the tone and make the style more "written" ; because you write things the same way you would have said them .. For example :

- "I love them & all " is something we would say; not write : the "and all" doesn't fit in an essay.