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Posts by ningo
Joined: Feb 25, 2013
Last Post: Oct 12, 2014
Threads: 22
Posts: 52  
From: Viet Nam

Displayed posts: 74 / page 1 of 2
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ningo   
Oct 12, 2014
Writing Feedback / There are some common factors we all share to gain happiness; each have own definition of happy life [2]

IELTS: Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness?
--
It's true that majority of people wish to lead happy lives. While the term of happiness difficult to define for it means different things to different people, all of us share some common needs with regard to experiencing happiness.

To open with, happiness can be identified differently depending on different individuals. Some people see money as a source of happiness; others find their excitement through hobbies, sports and games. Many other get happiness from something deeper. They enjoy spending time with families and friends or simply do something which is helpful for their lives and others'. In general, these changeable feeling of happiness is the reason why we can't easily define what happiness is.

Even it's is a challenging task to identify happiness, we all share some experiences to gain that feeling of leisure and enjoyment. Firstly, our basic survival demands have to be met to lead a pleasant life. It means we need to have a safe place to live, enough food to eat and our children will be sent to school. Secondly, it's about how we manage to get the shared experience with families and friends. The more we keep the good relationship to others, the happier we are.

To conclude, each individual has their own definition of happiness; however, it's the fact that there are some common factors we all share to gain happy lives.

(This essay is built from some suggests from Ielts-Simon)
ningo   
Sep 9, 2014
Writing Feedback / A lot of students from rural areas and poor families cannot go to school due to lack of money [3]

After the examination, the fact is that many of them have refused to proceed university life because they do not have money to afford for the next following for years in cities.

It's quite a long sentence which does't give a clear and attractive idea. My suggestion is:
In some cases, several students who are under poor conditions are not able to afford the tuition fee in college or university even though they passed the exam.

As a result, Vietnam has seen a huge loss in the number of talented people, who are the future decision-makers of country.

It's rather exaggerrated. Not all poor students in Viet Nam are not talented.

If the distance between the rich and the poor is not the matter of college admissions, many students will be fostered to go to school without concern for money.

What do you mean here? Is my following thought right?
It's superior for the government to put forward the solutions to assist poor people reach the higher education
ningo   
Sep 4, 2014
Writing Feedback / Ielts - Colleges are definitely the doors opening to new areas of knowledge [NEW]

Please give me your feedbacks. Thanks so much!
Topic: People attend college or university for many different reasons. Why do you think people attend college or university?
--

There are an increasing number of people who wish to go to college or university. From my point of view, it results from the demand of increasing knowledge, pursuing better jobs and getting experience.

To open with, colleges are definitely the doors opening to new areas of knowledge. Different from high schools' curriculums, that of colleges or universities insist on some specific subjects; therefore, learners enables to gain advanced information about subjects they are most interested in. In addition, students can get knowledge through joining clubs in college such as math' or art's ones. People can take advantage of these clubs by sharing their own knowledge and skills to others and get the equal supports.

Also, college or university graduates are able to have better opportunities in looking for a high - salary jobs. The job market is so competitive that people need at least one college's certificate to partly guarantee for the positions they apply for. It can be explained by several companies, especially international ones require their candidates the education beyond high schools.

Beside mentioned explanations, getting new experiences also a reason why many people prefer to attend colleges. It's certain that learners can freely take part in extracurricular activities in colleges or universities. Through joining some volunteer works or community services, students can get several social skills that can be never taken away. Take my sister as an example; she has discovered her excellent leadership by joining a competition in her universities.

In conclusion, getting college or university education plays vital roles in the path to succeed in life. It offers people chances to gain strong base of knowledge, get superior careers and new experiences.
ningo   
Aug 6, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: CELEBRITY'S ROLE - influence of celebrities to the youth is as well positive as negative [7]

"Individuals" => "individual"
"Who achieving" => "who achieve" or "achieving"
I love the way you used vocabulary in this essay. However, your intro is not really clear and attractive. Plus, you need to give more details about how negative that celebrities who

well-known for their lifestyles and prosperity bring to the young.
There are my reviews. Good luck to your study! :-)
ningo   
Aug 4, 2014
Writing Feedback / Ielts: why and how parents teach their kids the importance of money? [7]

Thanks Eddies! They are really helpful to me.
I don't want to repeat the word " children" for several time. Therefore, I used "Kids". Do you have other suggestions?

Be responsible for something - Have responsibility on some thing. Not "have responsibilty for s.th"
ningo   
Aug 4, 2014
Writing Feedback / Ielts: why and how parents teach their kids the importance of money? [7]

Please give me your feedfacks. I really appreciate it! :-)

Ielts task 2: Some people say that it's important to teach children the importance of money. Why and how should they do it? Include some examples for your essay.

--
Some people believe that the direction of parents to their children about the importance of money is really necessary. This essay will discuss the reasons and the ways parents teach their kids about the significance of money.

Firstly, directing children the importance of money can help them understand how to use best of money. For example, many couples often talk to their kids what challenges and difficulties they face to earn money. In this way, children will know thoroughly where their daily expenses from, appreciate efforts that their parents have made to bring them up and make use of money properly.

Secondly, under parental guidance, children will have awareness of saving money. Parents should be role models for their kids in saving money. Take me as an example, my parents always give me one piggy bank as same as theirs to ask me put one or two cents from my daily pocket into this small bank. When this piggy bank is full, the money can help me to cover some of my needs.

Finally, the fact is that children who were taught the importance of money are able to plan how to use it effectively. This results from the involvement planning making between parents and their kids. By this way, parents can teach their children what need to buy and avoid spending money on irrelevant items. In addition, parents should set certain principles and apply them for their children.

In conclusion, teaching children how to use money rightly and the significance of money in this progressing society can partly form children's moral and characteristic from their early age. Therefore, parents have responsibility on paying more attention on constructing their kids about money usage.
ningo   
Aug 4, 2014
Writing Feedback / Internet will help student only if he has a desire to study [4]

In many countries, popularity of the internet consumption at schools is going up

In many countries, there is an increasing use of the internet in schools.
Your intro is lack of a thesis statement. You need to add a thesis statement covering your ideas or thought about this topic

pupils

It's rarely to use this words in Ielts, you can replace by "students, learners, schoolchild, undergraduate...

home works

homeworks

as the years went

As years gone

However, as the years went, there were many technological developments and it brought some modifications in the teaching sphere.

This sentence is rather long and confusing. This is my suggestion:
However, the strong development of technology has remarkably changed the way people work and study
In general, you have got good ideas. However, your expression is not really clear and smooth. They are my reviews for your work. Good luck for your study! :-)
ningo   
Aug 3, 2014
Undergraduate / "smart" is not enough for people to be successful; SOP for Univ. of Washington - software developer [3]

As college transfer student

As a college transfering student

"work-hard"

Hard-working -- "Work-hard" is a verb, it can't be a subject

"work-hard" is the only word that follows the word "successful"

Success is the outcome of the efforts the person has made in his pursuit of reaching the goal. This is where "practice" plays a vital role even though it seems a tedious task (Extracted from dumi's comments)

"work-hard to archive goal" is the phrase that I always remind myself when I feel struggle during my education path. Consequently, that phrase helps me to have a successful year; both in GPA and communication.

Passion and patience in studying has helped me to overcome difficulties through my learning path. As a result, it has helped me to achieve an excellent GPA (Grade Point Average).

GPA and communication

It seems that these words are not parralel because you can get a good GPA, not good communication from hard-working. A good communication skill is developed by your wide contacts with others.

These are my brief reviews to your essay. Hopefully, It can partly help you to finish this one as good as possible.
P/S: Are you from Viet Nam. I'm a Vietnamese. My name's Duyen. Nice to meet you! :)
ningo   
Aug 1, 2014
Writing Feedback / Whether each individual or government should be responsible for the healthy diet? [NEW]

Please give me a look and your comments on this essay! Thanks all! :-*
IELTS TASK 2: Some people think that the government have the duty to ensure its citizen have a healthy diet, while others argue its the responsiblity of each individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

--
A debated topic is that whether the government should be responsible for the healthy diets for its people. Although there are good reasons to support this, I believe each person have responsibility in the safety for their meals.

In this modern age, people's food demand is developing. It results in a countless number of products for people choices. In this situation, the government plays an important role to guarantee food safety for its consumers. Under governmental control, harmful foods will be reduced and people can freely choose the nourishing ones without worrying much about their origin or quality. In addition, with stricter food laws, the government can put a curb on illegal food import as well as hold a check on consumed products in markets or restaurants. Also, some governments insist on raising awareness of people to safeguard them from unhealthy diet.

Despite the importance of government in controlling food safety, each person should bear responsibility to build their suitable and healthy diets. With a large food market as present, individuals can easily decide what ingredients in their meals will be and how nourishing they are. In fact, foods are not unhealthy if people are aware of consuming them rightly. Moreover, many people are allergic with some typical foods even though they are healthy for others. It is unjustified for governments to restrict consumption of tuna because some people have allergy with it.

From this point, I extremely agree that each individual have a duty to build a nourishing diet for themselves despite the undeniable advantages from government in protecting us from unhealthy food.
ningo   
Aug 1, 2014
Writing Feedback / Not only mother is giving her time and energy to nourish and raise children [3]

Why fathers parenting are less appreciated?

You should avoid using question to start an essay. The purpose is to paraphrase this topic fluently.

This has brought the fact that mothers are more responsible for bringing the children up.

Try to not use the same words with the question. It's my suggestion:
It leads to the larger responsibilities from mothers for their children's bringing.
ningo   
Jul 30, 2014
Writing Feedback / Ielts: Is it necessary to teach children handwriting? [2]

Please give me your feedbacks. They are really valuable to me! Thank you so much!

Ielts Task 2: "Some people say that in our modern age, it is unnecessary to teach children about the skills of handwriting. To what extent do you agree or disagree".

In this age of modern technology, some people usually underestimate the importance of teaching handwriting for children. To some people, it is considered as an arduous and time consuming task. From my point of view, children are those who need to be under instruction of handwriting for several reasons.

Despite the convenience from up-to-date facilities, handwriting still plays a vital role in students' learning. Firstly, this approach is a basis tool used in several fields such as taking notes, doing homework and writing. It enables to improve learners' spelling capacity and accompany reading or writing disabilities as well. Under the guidance of parents or teachers, children can benefit from practicing handwriting. This way of writing will encourage them to pay more attention on content, elaborate in details and develop their organization abilities.

Secondly, parents and schools should give priority on directing their kids about handwriting as poor handwriting can have a negative impact on students' school performance. The fact is that kids who are bad at handwriting meet difficulties in taking notes and catching up lessons. It resulted in the missing of information and the lack of details during their works. Moreover, the increasing taking advantage of advanced equipment could make students be lazier and more subjective in their writing skills. For example, with the assistance of automatic grammar and spelling checking in office word, learners are now no need for noticing much in their mistakes.

To conclude, no matter how fast and convenient modern devices bring to us in writing, handwriting is still a needed skill for all of people, especially students at the early age.
ningo   
Jul 29, 2014
Writing Feedback / Ielts: Can environmental problems be solved by individuals? [2]

Thanks for your feedbacks. All are really valuable for me! Love

Some people claim that environmental issues can't be tacked by individual because of its difficulty and complexity. However, others believe each person or country singly play a significant role in solving many environmental problems. In my view, individuals can put their efforts in improving our surroundings.

To begin with, a small act can make a big change. Start from replacing the use of private transport by using public ones, each citizen has contributed to reduce the carbon dioxide emission on Earth. Raising awareness of each individual should be emphasized in school activities. Take my school as an example, twice a semester, students are encouraged to join the event titled "Plant tree, build future" to plant at least one tree in school back yard. This event is truly helpful in teaching students the importance of planting trees and conserving our globe. Plus, each country should impose higher tax on gasoline to curb the use of gasoline and stricter punishment on criminal activities to safeguard the natural environment.

In the other words, some environmental problems are only solved with the cooperation among countries in the world. One approach is Kyoto protocol. This treaty is highly considered as a practical and necessary step of international community on facing current environmental facts. Joined members in this protocol need to put forward immediate and effective solutions to tackle environmental issues. Furthermore, richer countries should release some packs of aid to support poorer ones develop abilities in conserving natural environment.

In conclusion, I strongly agree that each individual is a decisive factor in protecting the globe from negatives effects or even the self-damage. With non-stop attempt and awareness of each person, we have rights to believe in a brighter future with fresh air and green surroundings.
ningo   
May 5, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: PAYING TAX OR NOT [6]

In overal view, your writing is good with high-level vocabulary. However, the intro is too short. The following is my suggestion:

Paying tax is made compulsory for citizens in every country, but some people argue that it is not our responsibility. I disagree with this opinion.

From my point of view, paying tax is one of our positive manners to parly contribute to the development of society.
Good luck to your study! <3
ningo   
Apr 24, 2014
Writing Feedback / Education of boys & girls in separate schools; 'distracting and hamper progress' [4]

Numerous people consider that children tend to be distracted when they have members of the other sex in their class, whereas the main argument in favour of coeducation is that it helps children to prepare for their future life

From this view, you should point out your opinion.

Teachers have to work hard to grab their attention, preventing them from playing while they are in lessons time.

Teachers always try to draw attention to students for their learners are easily distracted in classes, especially this distraction may result from other members from opposite sex.
ningo   
Apr 24, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS; mobile phone impacts on people's lives [6]

From my point of view, your introduction is quite long compared with 3 or 4 sentences for a model intro in Ielts writing. Try to shorten your ideas. If you want to show your thoughts, it is advisable for you to leave them in body paras.
ningo   
Apr 22, 2014
Writing Feedback / Ielts: Discuss both harms and good of advertising & give your opinion [4]

Topic: Some people think that advertising give more harms than good to our society. Other refute this. Discuss both views and give your opinion
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On these days, with the assistance of advertisement, people easily purchase the best products with detailed information and instruction for their requirement. Although some people claim that the advantages of advertising are outweigh the advantages, I believe that advertisement bring more benefits than harms to our lives.

On the one hand, it is clear that most advertisements so exaggerate the quality of their products that they often ignore some negative effects of what they sell. In addition to this, all of things are advertised as the best ones result in the confusing for users in picking out the most suitable goods. For example, some kinds of shampoo, namely Sunsilk, Clear, Dove are publicized as magic items to recreate injured hair with the number of other benefits. However, the fact is that not all customers are satisfied with what they bought under the introduction from advertisement.

On the other hand, it is undeniable fact that advertising market gives lots of working opportunities from producers, writers to models, cameramen,... for all of people as long as their qualification adapt to the demands. Moreover, advertisement enables to support users in getting accustomed to enterprises and know thoroughly items sold from these producers. Take Coca cola for an example, this drinking firm is well-known as one of companies invested a major part of their money in advertising. No wonder why this drinking title becomes more and more familiar with customers around the world. Last but not least, online advertisement is one of the easiest approaches due to their potential gains such as cheaper cost, convenience and easily observing.

To sum up, everything has its own gains and losses and advertisement is not an exception. From my point of view, advertising will be better if producers and advertisers are more honest in producing advertisements to give people the general view on one product.
ningo   
Apr 22, 2014
Writing Feedback / These days, fewer people want to become teachers, particularly in high schools. [3]

However, nowadays, the profession of a teaching, especially in high schools, has significantly lost its popularity as a result of the advantages of better occupations created by modern technology advances and fewer people want to get this job

It seems confusing! It is better for you to cut this compound sentence into 2 sentences to draw attention.
Loss , not lost
In an essay, thesis statement affects greatly your score, therefore, you need to put more attention to your thesis statement in this essay. Don't give a general idea!
ningo   
Mar 31, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Young people commiting serious crimes should be punished as adults [9]

Topic: Young people who commit serous crimes should be punished in the same ways as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
--
It is a common belief that every man who put the society's development into negative effects have to be punished rightly by laws, Therefore, some people claim that the young under 18 years old breaking laws by dangerous acts should be charged as the same way for adults. From my point of view, goverment should set up different levels of legislation for young people in the same commits with the older.

Firstly, there is an adverse difference between the young and the older. Adults are those who nearly complete the gowth of their physics and awareness whereas younger ones are still under the improvement and promotion of biological and psychological aspects. This is the reason why the consciouness and problem solving abilities of the young and adults in some situation are different. For example, unlike adults, many teenagers tend to use muscle fights to prove their ideas instead of having joint discussion. It is explained by psychological children consider fightings and struggles as means to show themselves.

In addition, adults are much more mature and independent to choose their ways of living while at the young age, children need to be directed correctly by families and society.. On these days, some parents spend more time at work and have less time to supervise their kids. This is one of the main causes of the increase in social problems involving children. Several parents believe that they can fulfill their positions in children by endless financial support without geting much recoginition on the dark side of money. It leads to the dig into many evil social problems of the young who are not educated and cared enough by their parents.

In conclusion, the disimilarities between adults and the young partly prove the neccessary of making the difference in punishment in the same commit for both adults and the young. To me, it's the humanity to give people the second chance, especially children who still do not complete their aptitue and have awaiting future.
ningo   
Mar 29, 2014
Writing Feedback / money as a cause of happiness; the important necessity in human life [5]

Well... It seems that your writing is a form of word by word translation from your mother tounge to English. Your idea is good but you need to practice more to write in English style.

All of us spend most of our life time on continuous working to lead our lives. However, the sad fact is that most of things on these days are bought by money. For example, we wish to have comfortable houses, we need money. We want to send our children to a good school, money is the key.
.
ningo   
Mar 29, 2014
Writing Feedback / Internet and school teachers. 'Teachers are much more essential than computers' [2]

Topic: Some people think that computers and the Internet are more important for child's education than going to school. But others believe that school teachers are essential for children to learn effectively. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

--
No one can deny the importance of computers and the Internet for children during their study progress. Although these means bring to users a large number of advantages, I believe that learning at school and interacting with teachers are much more vital for children's learning.

It is true that students can get a variety of benefits from using successfully computers and the Internet. To begin with, the Internet is the endless source of knowledge including all areas namely science, literature, math, etc. With solely simple movements, users can easily get all needed information and use time to full potential. In addition to this, the Internet is the global forum for all people around the world to share thoughts, exchange ideas and gain experience from others. Starting with one question, people can get lots of answers which can be accurate or not.

Despite the above arguments, I still stand on the belief that teachers are much more essential than computers or the Internet for the promotion in study of children. The first issue is that teachers are able to not only give them the vast knowledge but also direct them thoroughly how to face difficulties and to become good citizens. Another point is that lecturers in schools always observe clearly their students' learning process so that learners can handle problems with the assistance of their teachers. Finally, teachers often give only one exact answer for such a question, which is different from the numerous equivocal responses we could get on the Internet.

To sum up, a computer equipped with the Internet is one of the greatest inventions for human beings in discovering this amazing world. However, it cannot take place the importance of school teachers to children. This is the reason why we still keep going to classes for learning and just use computers as an effective study device.
ningo   
Mar 29, 2014
Writing Feedback / Early children formal education - kids need to play making them happy [4]

Your idea was interesting; however, you didn't make it clear. 2 first sentences in the first para were quite equivocal because they didn't support for your idea. Moreover, you should pay more attention to your thesis sentence.

Children are the hope of the nation because several of them will work in government in the future. Hence, they must study to get many knowledges for their lives in the future. Personally, young children should spend up their time to play with their friends. In the following paragraph I will present my reasons to support my opinion.

It's true that children are future of a country. Therefore, growing children appropriately is the most essensial to build a sustainable future. To some people, children need spend much more time on learning than recreation due to knowledge is one of thriving keys to succeed. However, other people believe that parents should allow their children to engage in recreation than study. From my point of view, it is advisable for children to have more time on amusement for following reasons.
ningo   
Mar 29, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Popular events are essential; world sport events provide positive waves [4]

With the question: "To what extent do you agree or disagree", you should give a direct answer in your thesis statement, whether you agree or disagree the issue. In your introduction, especially your thesis statement, I think it's rather ambiguous.

I believe that they are important somehow, but not essential.

- Using the word "important" means that you agree with the World sport event. However, the adjective "essential" shows a negative aspect of international sport events.

Here is my thesis statement:
In my opinion, despite some disadvantages, the worldwide soprt competitions are vital in reducing global strains and realeasing nationalistic feelings in the best ways.
ningo   
Mar 29, 2014
Writing Feedback / Travel within a group with guide? 'we do not enjoy the traveling, can't go everywhere' [8]

1. You should give a topic or a question for this essay.
2. You have some mistakes in grammar:
- More good (x) => Better
- Travel (v) can't be a subject
- Was become (x) => become
This is my introduction: :)

The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide. As we know, travel was become a favorite hobby and there are many way to do it. For some people, they think to travel in a group led by tour guide more good than alone. I agree with statement, travel is in a group more enjoy than alone. But, maybe some people in other place do not have same argument. They may have reason why they do not like to travel in a group by a tour guide.

On these days, when the living conditions are more and more modern, travelling easily becomes an interest of lots of people. Some people argued that having trips alone will be more comfortable due to they are able to manage their time and destinations in that place. The opponents of such statement said that travelling in a group led by a tour guide can be the best option for those who wish to discover another place. From my point of view, travelling with others people under the direction of a tour guide is safer and easier.

Good luck for your study! I hope my writing can help you a litte bit in your essay! ^^
ningo   
Oct 18, 2013
Writing Feedback / It is certain that a country's success is built up by several factors [2]

Economic progress is often used to measure a country's success. However, some people believe that other factors are more important. What other factors should also be considered when measuring a country's success? Do you think one factor is more important than others?

--
It is certain that a country's success is built up by several factors. Some people believe that economic quality is a ruler which measures a country's development. However, the opposite opinions argue other elements play more essential roles in the success of a nation. From my point of view, education and healthcare service are also decisive factors which form a country's thriving.

First of all, no one can deny the importance of education. This is the reason why education always comes high in the priority of many countries in the world. To achieve a high quality of education, the government has to concentrate on investing the infrastructure as well as the quality of teaching and learning. These investments require a number of money and effort from the authority and citizens. This accounted for education is one of the vital issue to evaluate a country's advance.

Another crucial component to measure the growth of a country is health care. It is agreed that a country which owns the great economic and social potential is able to construct a stable and modern health care service. In some developing countries, especially poor ones, people are not approached the basic health care because the national budget is unable to pay for the cost of these service. It leads the number of countries such as Afghanistan, Pakistan always face the healthcare crisis.

In conclusion, the success of a country is appraised in not only the economic progress but also the education quality and health care. These factors are equal in measuring the growth of a nation. Therefore, it is advisable for the government to pay more attention to these elements for the promotion of a country.
ningo   
Jul 18, 2013
Writing Feedback / "Practice makes you perfect"; Opinion Essay/ Classroom Assignment [2]

Assignment:
"Practice make perfect". What do you think about this opinion?
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It seems that success in life requires from us not only the luck but also other vital means, and practices all the time is one of the necessary factors to succeed. To some people, it is annoyed to do one task repeatedly. However, from my practical point of view, spending a wide range of time and efforts on one job builds the perfect and the desired effect in our work for some reasons.

To begin with, perform one exercise repetitively for a long time is able to improve our capabilities. By means of this way, we can be skillful and proficient in our field. After a long time of hard working, we enable to identify several kinds of issues and only one problem can be solved effectively with several different methods. For example, I always have difficulty in distinguish the usage of "If-clause" and "wish - clause". Practicing those kinds of exercises has developed my skills and I had no difficulty in verify them anymore.

In addition, we are not afraid of the challenges since we have invested much time and energy in that task. Instead, we accept these challenges and speed to overcome them. Moreover, our brains are used wisely as we can notice the mistakes that we have made for several times and seek the optimal solutions to solve the tough problems.

Some people argue that training one task for a long time is time consuming because there are still other interests and issues we need to care about. Nevertheless, practice is a useful means for us to be familiar with faults and find the way to fix them; therefore, we are advised to balance our works and practicing to lead a good schedule.

All things considered, training hard not only improve our skills but also help us to be more confident when facing troubles. Instead of wasting of time and money on computer games or other unnecessary chores, it is better for us to practice some topics that we usually have problems.
ningo   
Jul 4, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS; Paid work for children is good or bad? Discuss [10]

learn many new things

avoid using "thing" ==> try to use higher words: " skills, abilities"

life experience

life experiences
Your thoughts are clear and interesting. However, some sentences are too long and some words are repeated. That's my idea! Good luck for your study!
ningo   
May 8, 2013
Writing Feedback / TOEFL ; DIFFICULTIES of learning a NEW LANGUAGE [8]

I like your ideas, they are really interesting. However, to me, your writing is not persuasive at all. These are my ideas, let's give it a look!

First of all, being grammatically correct

.... It's a choppy sentence. You can write:
One of the main and maybe annoying cause of learning a new language is grammar.

Not only it is hard

Not only is it hard

i.e.

Don't use abbreviations in your essay: "i.e"

; i.e., grammatical phenomenon that exist in one language doesn't mean that it exist in another one

In my view, this sentence is not good at all; it is advisable to cut this sentence out.

Not to mention, the Syntax, this means how the words are arranged to create a well-formed sentence.

Learners also have difficulties in syntax when studying a foreign language.
You are better to care more about the first sentences in paras. They are too short and unable to express your ideas.
ningo   
May 7, 2013
Writing Feedback / Assignment:Euthanasia should be legalized for a number of reasons.What's your opinion [3]

Please check it and give me a piece of advice. Thanks a lot!
Assignment:
Euthanasia should be legalized for a number of reasons.
What is your opinion?
--
In many countries, euthanasia is the current focus of public debate. Some people object that this treatment is a way to lighten patients' pains and give them a peaceful death. On the other hand, others argue that this kind of treatment has put out the ray of hope of victims. In my view, I'm of the opinion that euthanasia should be permitted by laws for some reasons.

In the first place, in some cases, both doctors and patients know thoroughly their efforts are useless because of the serious state of illness. This is the reason why several patients wish to choose the cure by using euthanasia than suffering painful injuries or long term valiances. They can't stand on any more the sore from the disease as well as the nervous breakdowns.

Moreover, euthanasia is not legalized can be a barrier in many tough situations and one's kindness can become illegal. It is reported from New Life magazine that a father has been accused of being a murderer when he tried to save his son by shooting him. To explain for his action, the father told that he can't bear to see his son be eaten by the huge ants because of falling down and stuck in the canyon in their trip. "I don't want my son sit down under the painful death" he said.

Some people argued that patients shouldn't lose their spirits and make effort to overcome the difficulties and triumph over diseases. To some extent, it may be some truth; however, it is time consuming and costly to help incurable cases.

To summarize, although it is really difficult to give a decision to rescue someone by giving them a peaceful death, authorities should enforce the law to make euthanasia legalized. In my view, it will be a way out for the diseased sufferers.
ningo   
May 7, 2013
Writing Feedback / TOEFL ; DIFFICULTIES of learning a NEW LANGUAGE [8]

however, with learning a new language there is a lot of difficulties that one has to overcome. Some of these difficulties are:

Is it an essay? Writing an essay, no one uses " some of these difficult are: ". My advice is:
However, it's not interesting at all because learners can found it hard to master a foreign language owing to some difficulties.
ningo   
May 7, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS- Using gap year for travel or working is good or bad? [7]

Travelling and working have many advantages, especially for students who have less experience or and difficulty in financial condition.

In my opinion, it's a weak sentence. I'd like to fix it:
Many people, especially students who are unable to own a stable income usually look for a job while travelling. It brings to young people not only the chance to cover their needs but also valuable experiences in the trip.

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