Writing Feedback / Receiving the formal education at young age can benefit young population [6]

Hi Community, please feel free to comment/give suggestions to my response to the following independent writing task in Toelf.

PROMPT: Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Others believe that young children should spend most of their time playing. Compare these two views. Which view do you agree with? Why?

Receiving the formal education at young age can benefits young population, as they will have more time to learn about social discipline, to hone their skills, and to find themselves. Nevertheless, is it really necessary to force young children to learn at a very early age? Some parents may agree to bring their children to school at a very early age. Others, however, argue that at a very early age, children should spend their time playing and have fun at home. To make a decision for the best of the children, these two viewpoints shall be compared as follows:

Unlike staying at home and playing with friends, going to school at a very early age ensures that students will more time to hone their academic skills. Some academic skills, such as linguistics, mathematics, music, requires high practising time, and these skills may not be taught by people in children's family. If they are at schools, children will not miss the chance to learn these skills, so as they can grow these skills naturally at very young age.

Also, play ground at schools serves the same purpose as the play ground at their home in developing young children, physically and socially. An additional point to spending time at schools is that not only these young children can have fun with their peers, but also they will learn to comply themselves with rules in schools; hence, rules in society. On the other hand staying at home, the children may learn to interact with their friends, but they may be lack of some disciplines which are not taught in their family. They may imitate improper language spoken by people in their family. They may not know how to manage their time to do their homework and having fun with friends. Also, staying at home, they may not know how to dress properly.

Fortunately, most of the kinder-garden schools these days provide learning environment that helps young children to learn with fun. Young children who are accustomed to going to school tend to have a more positive attitude toward learning. While, young children who stay at home may feel boring or may be scared away when they have to do academic stuff for the first time. Also, in the hand of school professionals, together with well-equipped learning tools, these early-age students have a better opportunity to find themselves. Meanwhile, if they were at home, their speciality may not be discovered by their parents who are busy with their jobs.

Throughout these comparisons, the school environment gives young children a better chance to develop themselves mentally and socially for their future, higher education. Thus, I agree that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Though staying at home young children can learn many skills from their family, going to schools ensures that these young children will learn this skills properly in the right hands without missing a chance to grow up as a child.

Writing Feedback / GREAs people rely on technology to solve problems, our ability turns upside down [3]

Dear communities,

I would like to ask for your help on my first GRE issue essay. I am willing to listen to all suggestions / corrections not only on the grammatical errors, but also in the content. I love to hear the alternative ways of writing and close analysis from you.

Thank you for giving your time on helping me.

Regards,

Prompt:

As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

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If we use technology to help solving most of problems in our lives, will we lost the ability to solve a problem for ourselves? It is often to hear a similar or the mere kind of statement that "technologies make our kids stupid." It is true that our live depends on the technological facilities; however, we are the master of these invention. Our technology facilitates our lives and helps engineers develop the new innovation.

On one hand, we blames technologies making us become a perfect receptors. We accustom to the live with the great support from technologies. We tend to search for the answer rather than using our ability to plan, to organize and to solve the confronted problem. We are trapped into the social media. We open to vast variety information, and most of which leads to us to be oblivious to the knowledge, as we lost our time on searching rather than developing ourselves. If humans still have to live with more of technology, will they become people who truly know nothing?

One can argue that using technologies cannot deter his thinking ability, as he does not allow himself to be its victims. We can choose the right channels to receive information, as well as we can avoid wasting our time on none-sense stuff on the internet. Instead of blaming calculator for spoiling children's quantitative skills, we should blame educators, or may be their parents, who give up to difficulty during the process of learning of their child. Technology is our tools. We give commands to control the use of technology and to make it efficient.

We might not be as strong as our ancestors, but with technology, we are better than those who live before us. We use technology to do the hard task for us, and to some extent, some ability might be lost; we can spend more time on developing ourselves at a much higher levels than the task of technology. With advanced mechanical technology, we develop automobiles that have not only the fastest speed ever made, but also consume the least amount of fuels and are eco-friendly. With infrastructural technology, we can make seemly impossible designs for the tallest ever skyline in each year. With technological development in science material, we have our buildings and architectures that are not only strong but also beautiful. Electrical energy not only free us from darkness, but also empowers us to control machines, drive electrical systems, and unleash our thought into worldwide communication. Space technology allows us to go far beyond our planet. Not only in the fields of engineers, our current technological development allow us to use the pure and absolute theory of mathematics to engineer new aspects of innovation.

Our lives and knowledge have been greatly improved with helps from technology. While the side effect of misuse of technology can also cause the drop of human's ability, we should keep in our mind that we are its master of technology. With our consciousness, we know when to use technology for having entertainment or for honing thinking ability.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Listening to the advice of family and friends or via personal experience? [5]

Prompt:
Some people believe that the best way of learning about life is by listening to the advice of family and friends. Other people believe
that the best way of learning about life is through personal experience. Compare the advantages of these two different ways of
learning about life. Which do you think is preferable? Use specific examples to support your preference.
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When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother does love exist? She smiled, and said that some people believe that the best way to learn about love is through their personal life. Others choose to believe the advice from the experts. I believe that the best way to understand about love is to find it by myself.

First of all, I find the conclusion from my experience better than the advice from others. Because the suggestion can be influenced by personal perception, the tense of situation, one's past experience, the immediate reaction, and the present situation, the advice cannot give us the crystal clear understanding as our experience. For example, I find that the advice about marriage life from my mother are different depending on her emotions and her feeling toward my father at that moment. Even if her advice can give me a rough idea about how life is like, it cannot make me truly understand her.

Secondly, some feeling or experience cannot be described by words. I could understand that my mother might find it hard to describe, as when talking about marriage, she has random combinations of emotions: happiness, frustration, ambitions, failing, etc. In addition, my mother and my father has lived together for more than twenty five years. They has passed a lot of things together. My father could have been so mean, or so generous. He could even be a remarkable doctor, or the worst literature. Thousand words of my mother cannot be enough to describe about her husband.

Finally, taking my mother's advice for granted is what I often do. It is often than my experience teaches me the unforgettable lesson. Despite the pain due to my foolish, I still insist in learning from my own experience. As I got marry with my husband, I can feel the happiness from taking care of my love one. Even if this was the hardest work ever, I began to understand the joyfulness and frustration of my mother.

In sum, learning from experience hone my insight. Some experience cannot be describe by words, and it gives us the inerasable lessons. So learning by my own experience is better than listening to the advice from other people.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Keep trying and never stop working for your goals. [6]

TOEFL task 2
Question: The expression "Never, never give up" means to keep trying and never stop working for your goals. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Use specific reasons and examples to support your

reasons.

"Keep running!," shouted from my heart but my legs can hardly move. During running for 20 Kilometers in a marathon running tournament 2014, I saw some people stopped running while the others fought until their last minute. At some moment, my body was telling me to stop but the choice that I made was on the contrary. I did not stop and won a medal goals in my life at the age of nearly thirty. From this experience, I believe that a person should keep trying for his goals.

Firstly, committing to our goal helps creating personal worth. For example, I realized the true potential of my body and mind as I decided to train myself hard. Even if I were not to win this medal, I acknowledged the great amount of my endeavor as I could keep my tired legs running.

Secondly, one who learns the great difficulty will become stronger. I remembered how I was suffered in the first round when I was last person who touched the line. However, I did not give up, and believed that I would be better in the next round because I knew how to improve myself. I had been a loser for a thousand time before the first winning, and suffering from losing in each competition makes me stronger.

Thirdly, at some point, we, as an average people, might feel that the responsibility to our goal is too heavy to carry on. I believe that the responsibility is worthy of carrying. When the distance is longer and harder to achieve, a runner who can go beyond his limit will proud of himself. He can feel the sweetness of triumph because he did not stop pursing his goal.

For these reasons, I agree that one should not give up, as the true reward is to have the dignity. Anyone who wants to achieve the goal should acknowledge that his effort and experience from suffering helps him understand his true potential and increase his strength, and ultimately, it will prompt him to be ready for overcoming the greater challenge in his life.

Letters / Dear Grad School Admission; LETTER TO GRAD SCHOOL [2]

Hi all, could you please help me correct my grammar and mistakes on this email. I would like to have it polite as much as possible, but my intention may be fail without the help from you guys. By the way, I appreciate all suggestions or comment

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Dear Grad School Admission

I am a master degree applicant in XXX Department.
As XXX University is highly competitive, I took the GRE score on the XXXth of MONTH, 20XX.
I would like to know whether it is possible for me to improve my profile with the new GRE score.

Thank you for your consideration.

Best Regards,

Name

Writing Feedback / Learning from experience or from book, TOEFL [6]

"How can a person know such things if he has never stepped away from his home?, " that is said by the elderly in my home town. My answer is simple. " Well, he must have learned from books." Even if books cannot teach me everything, I believe that learning from books is better than learning from experience. My examples to support my stand are given in the following.

First of all, while learn from experience is limited by the conditions such as time, place, and the life of the learners, books gives a person more opportunity to learn. For instance, one can travel through time and study the records of the important situations when reading books of history. Similarly, he/she can go beyond the earth by reading books such as books in astrology. Even if the person is not an astronaut, he/she can imagine how the galaxy should looks like.

Secondly, reading books can be the fastest and cheapest way to access the information. On the other hands, one take a longer time to acquire experiences which may also be paid at the higher cost. For example, in school, reading textbooks also save my time because I can select the specific topics related to the topics of interest, instead of following the course syllabus which will make me spend a lot of time to complete every chapter. In addition, because I can learn from books, I can save my money by skipping some fundamental courses.

Thirdly, while it is true that learning from experience gives a person the remarkable memory, I contend that some experiences do not worth risking for. For example, the guidance from tourist books helped me as a traveler avoid making myself in danger. Following the tourist guide books, I found the best location to rest a night, the night market to do shopping without being thieved, and the roads to walk without having to be worried about criminals.

In conclusion, learning from books is economic in terms of time and money. It also sets us free from most of the conditions; we can learn the life of others people, the exotic kind of knowledge, or the stories in the past. The stories of people in books give us consciousness and lessons. For these reasons, learning from books is the better way to horizon one's knowledge and hone one's perception.

Graduate / compressed sensing and robust statistics; Electrical and Computer Engineering [3]

The Department of Electrical and Computer Engineering at UniversityXXXX has many interesting research topics in compressed sensing. Influenced by the research during my master degree, I would like to gain a deeper understanding in compressed sensing and robust statistics. Thus, I am interested in the work of Professor AAAAA on the robust methods for compressed sensing in medical imaging systems. I am also fascinated by the research of Professor GGGG on compressive spectral imaging because I would like to extend my research on compressed sensing to compressive spectral imaging systems. Furthermore, UniversityXXXXX is well-known for its strong research. Therefore, I strongly believe that the guidance from the processor and excellent research environment will provide a great opportunity to be a successful researcher.

Thank you

Essays / EE application - supplementary questions, additional information to share with the school. [4]

Dear everyone,

I am applying to a PhD program in the Department of Electrical and Computer Engineering from a university in the United State.
I am having a problem about the supplementary questions which will be used for helping graduate admission evaluating my applications.
The question asks me to give them the additional information I wish to share with the school.

Do you think that it is OK to left BLANK for this part? Or Do you think it is better to write something down.

My first idea was to write about how my previous research had influenced my direction about future research and choosing professor.
However, it is true that my vision about my research and professor's research can be wrong.
I mean, in fact, I cannot predict what the professor is thinking and indeed, my idea cannot
be precise about the research of the professor.

I am afraid that my answer can be something cliche or not interesting or even showing my misconception, so ... what do you think.

PS
I had explain most of my skills in electrical engineering and my previous research in my SOP.
I also give them my research publications and the name of professor who I am interested in working with.

Thank you for taking time, and your replies.