Posts by digaprasiska

digaprasiska

Oct 13, 2017

Scholarship / I met a lot different characteristic of people. Strong Networking Skill For Master Application [2]

Chevening is looking for individuals with strong networking skills, who will engage with the Chevening community and influence and lead others in their chosen profession. Explain how you meet this requirement, using clear examples of your networking skills, and outline how you hope to use these skills in the future.

(minimum word count: 100 words, maximum word count: 500 words)

Please help me to correcting my application.
Thank you

to improve my networking

When I was in university, I was active in student organization and research projects which were national and international activities. I met a lot different characteristic of people; smart, active, creative, and strong minded. All of them made me always learning more to build good relationship and opened my networking. Since then, I've met great people from all over Indonesia and international, collaborated and involved in social activities and projects.

Being health promotion officer is my greatest chance to improve my networking. I have the opportunity to visit many places in Indonesia, from remote places to central government. Not only that, I also met a lot of great people that are stakeholders. Through them, my perspective of life become wiser. Once, I got chance to evaluate national program that called Healthy Indonesia with Family Approach , together with health promotion representatives from all provinces in Indonesia. We conveyed the obstacles of program implementation that occur in each province and develop a common plan to overcome. I am so grateful that I met new people and gained friendship from all around Indonesia. Together, we have the same dream which is to improve public health status in Indonesia, to help Indonesia become better, and to be the part of the agent change for healthy Indonesia

digaprasiska

Oct 13, 2017

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] The percentage of female employees in major tech companies in the US [7]

@namibdesert

The provided chart illustrates the total amount of female ...

your introduction is clear, you already paraphrase it.

Overall, the percentage of female employees ...

On the overview, state 2 sentences. Mention the contrast weather the highest or the lowest.

Summarize the information by selecting and ...

The company with the most female leaders ...

Clearly, you only make general comparison. In the Main paragraph you should present more about the detail.

To sum up, the percentage of women ...

In writing task 1, you don't need to summarize.

Here is my suggestion :

Introduction 1 sentences
overview : 2- 3 sentences

Main paragraph 1 : Tech Job in detail
Main paragraph 2 : Leadership job in detail
Main paragraph 3 : Total work force in detail

You will have more than 150 words with this.

digaprasiska

Oct 12, 2017

Scholarship / Communication and leadership skills by joining social organization activities - Chevening essay [2]

Chevening is looking for individuals who will be future leaders or influencers in their home countries. Explain how you meet this requirement, using clear examples of your own leadership and influencing skills to support your answer.

(minimum word count: 100 words, maximum word count: 500 words)

Please help me correcting my application
Thank you

MASTER SCHOLARSHIP APPLICATION

When I was in university, I didn't only spend my time studying but also joining social organization activities such as student board and scout. Those activities helped me to develop communication and leadership skills. Once, I was elected as scout leader for a year period. As an introvert person, this experience really challenged me, however it assisted me to build independence and changed myself in better ways.

After graduated, I was accepted as civil servant and placed in rural area which is thousand kilometers away from my home that is forced me to live by myself. In my first year, I was positioned as health promotion assistant. My main duty was to help senior worker to prepare community empowerment and made report about activities we did. This period developed my capability in dealing with people, building strong relationship with intersectoral, and opened my sight about human behavior related to health issues.

The highest problem in the region was smoker behavior. After I was appointed as health promotion officer, I got insight to initiate an empowerment program is focusing on smoker behavior which smoking inside home even though there was infant. The program called RUTARI ( homes without cigarette for today). The aim is to reduce smoking rate inside home, especially for the households which have infant.

I started to run this program by encouraging my supervisor to support this program and propose my co-workers to help and support. It wasn't an easy task to do, some of them didn't support my idea. I socialized my program to 13 villages, however only 1 village that welcoming it. It made me sad how stake holder didn't care enough about smoking behavior. But I didn't give up. Started from one village and was helped by my co-worker, I advocated the headman and the public figure to support prohibition about smoking inside home especially family with infant, then I continued educating mothers and elementary school's students about danger of cigarette and persuading them to coax their family member who is smoker to stop smoke inside home. Not stopping there, I also develop media to espouse this program which was radio spot that played in waiting room of my health center.

It took a couple of months before start showing the result. Nine months after I started the program, I did survey to know the improvement. The rate of smoker who smoke inside home decreased from 76% in 2015 became 70 % in 2016 and in the 2017 it decreased more became 64% The improvement is not really big but it surely move people to change better. Once I read, the leader isn't the one with position but people who dare to take risks and empower community to get better. I might not have high position but I am willing to learn more becoming good and great leader.

digaprasiska

Oct 12, 2017

Writing Feedback / Should working hours be reduced? [8]

Hi ruby,....

You must remember in IELTS writing task 2, there is formula you need to follow.

1. Introduction
2. Overview
3. Main Paragraph 1
4. Main Paragraph 2
5. Conclusion

Six days a week, [...] its supporting reasons.

This part should contain introduction and overview. You may paraphrase the question again. Then state your opinion, weather you agree or disagree. provide 2 sentence the reason you agree or disagree.

Main paragraph 1
repeat your first reason by paraphrase, explain more and give example if needed.

Main paragraph 2
repeat your second reason by paraphrase, explain more and give example if needed.

Conclusion
State again your opinion.

Thank you

digaprasiska

Oct 12, 2017

Writing Feedback / Writ. task 1: the pie chart provides information on 5 major purposes for student to study in Britain [3]

hi Nhu Vu

For writing task 1. Use this formula.

Overview : 2 - 3 Sentences
Main Paragraph 1 : 3- 4 sentences
Main Paragraph 2 : 3-4 sentences

The given pie charts provide information on 5 major s purpose ...

You didn't provide the question. Make sure you did paraphrase the question in this sentences. Since it's too short to stand alone, you may combine it with your second paragraph.

Make sure you read the question carefully because usually it ask you to make comparison but i didn't see any comparison in your main paragraph above.

Thank you

digaprasiska

Mar 31, 2017

Scholarship / Practical Example After Graduating - primary health center and health promotion media [6]

@Holt

Thank you so much for your help and advice.. I will develop my essay.

digaprasiska

Mar 30, 2017

Scholarship / Practical Example After Graduating - primary health center and health promotion media [6]

@Holt

Yes it will be easier like that, but the question asked three (3) practical examples to intend knowledge and skill you gain from scholarship and constraints that will prevent you to achive your goal.

So what do you think of my essay @Holt ?

@d2ny
Thank you for helping me to correcting it.
It's mean a lot for me.

digaprasiska

Mar 29, 2017

Scholarship / Practical Example After Graduating - primary health center and health promotion media [6]

Hello,...
I would like to apply scholarship. Can you help me to correcting it?
The Question is 3 Practical example to intend knowledge and skill you gain from scholarship and constraints that will prevent you to achive your goal.

health service for communities

My first practical and realistic example After graduating master's of public health is back to my primary health center and develop health promotion media and strategy that suitable for the communities after I analyze their need for health service. Second, I would develop the function of regional public health promotion network. This network will not only be a communication forum, but also motion briefly in advocating regional government and regional health department about creating and producing health media promotion by giving attention to diversities and develop new strategic to do health promotion effectively. I will take role in conducting analysis of community needs in public health promotion as well as designing the appropriate media and strategy of health promotion. Third, Build a regional health care quality team. This team will responsible to build health care quality system to make sure all of the health care in the regional area have same standard, goals, and strategic and regularly monitor the implementation of health care quality system.

Although technology may be the one that can help health promotion effectively it is still an expensive thing in Indonesia. Funding will certainly become the challenge in order to have adequate technological resources to support health promotion. But, actually this matter can be solved by strong advocating and realiable and effective health promotion plan. Regional government actually has budgets for health promotion. Unfortunately, the budgets never issued because there was no realiable health promotion plan submitted for last several years. So, I think with strong advovating activity and reliable plan of health promotion Regional Government will support developing Health promotion media and strategy.

Help me please.
Thank You

digaprasiska

Mar 29, 2017

Scholarship / Supporting Statement for AAS 2018, Media and Communication Studies [6]

Hi kacanakya...

I don't find a connection between the question and your answer. You should write challenge when you do your job and you need to gain speciality knowledge to pass the challenge. And after that you should write what have you do to find best course to get the knowledge. And the last, write why you choose the course in specific institution

Fighting..............

digaprasiska

Mar 29, 2017

Graduate / Why you wish to pursue a career in journalism. [3]

Hi ankitak..

Sorry .. but I don't think your SOP is good enough for admission.
You write it without follow the flow, you may need to make point or headline for what you should write.
Better if you write from past to present.
1. Write why you want to take Journalism, what is your background related to this program.
2. Write your supporting experience in this field.
3. Write why you want to take journalism program in this university/ faculty
4. Write your hope or wishes in the future

digaprasiska

Mar 7, 2017

Scholarship / My skills and knowledge. SCHOLARSHIP APPLICATION ABOUT FUTURE GOALS [4]

SCHOLARSHIP APPLICATION

Please help me to correcting my essay
Is this strong enough to pass scholarship selection?

Question One
What skills and knowledge do you hope to gain from your proposed study? (max. 250 words)

I am applying a master program in Public Health because my future goal is to be a health practitioner expert that help community to improve their public health level. As a health promoter I have high interest in developing strategic to create health promotion media related to diversities issues such as culture, educational background, and religion in order to pricisely support to improve public health level in diversities community. I believe this master's program can prepare me to assume speciality in the field of health promotion.

Not stopping there, as a leader of quality team, I demanded to have comprehensive knowledge about health care management, organizatioan, and quality in health care in order to manage, maintain, and improve our health services quality. Studying master's of Publc health is a way to realize my future goals and link between my background study, current job responsibilities, and future goal.

Question 2
Why are the skills and knowledge you describe important to your country's development? (max. 250 words). Where possible you should refer to data and research that supports your argument

Indonesia is a developing country that facing many health issues. Issues that really being concern are infant mortality rate ( right now 40/ 1000 births life, the target in 2015 was 32/ 1000 births life) and maternal mortality rate (right now 359/ 100. 000 births life, the target in 2015 was 102/100.000 births life ). Some researches showed that risk factor of the infant mortality rate are poor health behavior of the community and health care low quality and risk factors of the maternal mortality are nutrition intake, birth in young age, and health care low quality.

Poor health behaviors, nutrition intake, and birth in young can be improved by strong health promotion so can change their poor health behaviors. Unfortunately, health promotion in Indonesia somehow developed without pay attention to diversities so the impact of the promotion didn't effective enough to change their behaviors because some communities doesn't understand the media health promotion used. Health care quality is one of the factors that can help to improve infant and maternal mortality rate. That's means, the better health care quality the more decreased infant and maternal mortality rate.

Studying master's of Public Health can help me to assume speciality in the field of health promotion and health care management to improve poor health behaviors and health care quality so decreased infant and maternal mortality rate can be reached effectively.

Question Three
How will you use your new knowledge and skills to contribute to the development of your home country? (max.250 words)

After graduating master's of public health, I have plan to build regional health promotion network. This network will motion in advocating regional government and regional health department about creating and producing health media promotion by giving attention to diversities and develop new strategic to do health promotion effectively so regional target about decreasing infant and maternal mortality can be reach. I am sure my new title will help me to convincing regional government and regional health department to believe in me.

I also has plan to build regional health care quality team. This team will responsible to make sure all of the health care in my regional area have same standard, goals, and strategic to improve health care quality so better services can be given to the community.

Thank you

digaprasiska

Mar 7, 2017

Graduate / Underdog wants to sit at the big kids table- University of Miami Graduate Admissions Essay [3]

Hi evaruiz,

Your answer is well enough if you can present about real data what can student in Miami graduate business program reach in the past following years. Or even better if you can said that you interest in some aspect of research did by the professor in Miami graduate business program which has high impact to your economic country condition.

Thank you

digaprasiska

Mar 7, 2017

Scholarship / My challenge: the order to manage the payroll software to meet the latest Government Regulation [4]

Hi bagusetyawan,....

I am sorry but i don't really read which part of your essay explaining about your leadership aspect. The scholarship somehow demand people with leadership ability.

Starting from your first paragraph you only focus on what you did to your job. Not once you explain how you deal with your team or another people in your department. Please develop your essay by explaining about your leadership ability

Thank you

digaprasiska

Mar 6, 2017

Scholarship / Answers for four questions. Scholarship Application For Graduate Coursework [2]

Please help me to correcting my essay for Scholarship Application.
Thanks

Briefly describe your duties/responsibilities
(max. 250 words)
I have two main duties in Puskesmas Ngronggot organization. As a Health promotor and leader of quality management team. As health promotor, i have responsible to analyze, manage the health comunity issues, and guide the community to find the best suitable solution for their health issues, educating and promoting health knowledge to the community to change their bad behavior so improved in public health issues can be reached, and advocating to related sectoral to gain support about implementation of health community program. I am demanded to be creative, open minded, and flexible adaptation because each area has its unique culture and diversities. It wasn't easy as I though, consequently, i have gained experience in facing manage health issues in several diversities point of views that made my ability improved in health management issues.

As the leader for quality management team, i have responsible with my team to conduct planning of improving quality of the services provided by Puskesmas Ngronggot from the health services, programs, and administration, monitoring and evaluating the implementation of improving quality management system, and making the follow up planning to improve and maintain the quality. I am demanded to have strong leadersip personality to create condusive environtment between my team in order to maintain the quality of the health services, programs, and administration field since the members has diversities bacground such as, doctor, midwifery, finance, and IT expert. (231 words)

Describe a situation when you had to identify a problem and generate a solution.
(100 words)
It was in October 2015, as a new worker in Puskesmas Ngronggot, I chosen to responsible on acreditation project due to new regulation from governement about Primary/Community Health Center must be accredited in order to continue providing health services, Unfornately, This project must finishing in a year and none of the senior worker experiencing it with 9 topics (776 criterias) that must be completed.

The worst part was most of the administration and supporting documents wasn't available at the time. Although, we got supervisors from Health Regional Department that time but they weren't help enough.

What action did you take?
(150 words)
As one who was responsible in the project, I suggested to made team from the workers and divided them into 9 teams so each team had responsible to complete one topics of accreditation criterias.

To get the best result, I was dividing workers on its competence and placed them on the suited topic and chose a leader for each team. I also made deadline for each team to complete and scheduling regular meeting twice a month with the leader of each team to monitor their progress.

In every 3 months I hold self assesment for each team, they presented their topics in front of whole workers. It was held to know if the work of the team was appropriate with the accreditation demand or not and disscused difficult issues and resolved it. The team which has most progress will get compliment and small award from the head of health center

What was the outcome?
(100 words)
Even though in the process we faced some difficulty, we can manage to complete all the criterias for accreditation and submit the proposal to be accredited within a year. In the 10 -12 November 2016 the accreditor came to judge our health center.

The final outcome, our health center passes the accreditation with satisfactory result. And the most unpredictable outcome was our team work become better and our system really improve the quality of our service.

At the end of the year, our customer satisfaction level improved a lot than before.

Is my answer strong enough?
Thank you

digaprasiska

Mar 6, 2017

Scholarship / STUDY PLAN ESSAY TO GAIN CHINESE GOVERNMENT SCHOLARSHIP. [5]

Hi mwabi,..

Your study plan, I think it isn't study plan.
After completion of my master's studies I hope to be able to take part in maximizing my country's economic research in such fields to benefit its policy formulation and adjustments.

You should write about what will you do when you study in China. Better if you contain the plan about what will you completing at the specific timeline.

digaprasiska

Mar 6, 2017

Writing Feedback / Education and health care should be financed by authorities - everyone could get free access to it [4]

Hi, I just want you to dig deeper the reason why you agree that education and health center halved funding only by stakeholder to help the poor. If you can give the explanation that give strong reason you agree with it like real example, side effect if not, or regulation.

In other side, the rich are still able to study at school and get medical treatment by their money. As a result, this will bring equality of life to all members of communities. It is strong enough i think.

digaprasiska

Mar 5, 2017

Student Talk / Hi everyone! Welcome at EssayForum thread. [413]

Hi everyone

My name is Diga from Indonesia
I am here to get some advice from my English essay and grammatical errors.

Nice to meet you all

digaprasiska

Mar 5, 2017

Writing Feedback / Briefly describe the work of this (My current job) organisation (max. 250 words) [3]

Please help me to correcting about my answer for scholarship application,
This one is talking about my current job,
Thank you

Briefly describe the work of this (My current job) organisation (max. 250 words)

health care services for Ngronggot community

Pusat Kesehatan Masyarakat Ngronggot (Primary/Community Health Center of Ngronggot subdistrict) called Puskesmas Ngronggot is non profit functional organization below The Ministry of Health that give public health service and primary health care services of with more emphasis in promotive and preventive of health problem to the Ngronggot community to achieve high improve in degree of public health area. The cost for operating this organization is provided by shared of regional government and social security administrator (Health insurance system of Indonesia) called Badan Penyelenggara Jaminan Sosial (BPJS)

Puskesmas Ngronggot, has responsibilites in several area such as conduct planning based on the analysis of public health issues and health care needed by the community, advocating and socializing health policy, communicating, informating, educating, and empowering community in health area, mobilizing the community to identify and resolve health issues at every level of society development in cooperation with other related sectors, monitoring the implementation of health development program, and providing recommendations related to public health issues,including support for early warning systems and responses to disease.

Do my answer good enough? or strong enough to describe my current job organization ?

digaprasiska

Mar 5, 2017

Writing Feedback / Every person is different. The happiness depends on people's own. [4]

Reski ramadani,

You need to present about happiness from some expert regarding only about your opinion. So, in the conclusion you'll not only serve this
All in all, happiness is thing that difficult to explain because it is depend on view everyone and the level of their happiness. Happiness is not just about property or wealth but depend on how are we grateful with anything that we have.

Because it wasn't good enough for an article.

Thank you

digaprasiska

Mar 5, 2017

Scholarship / The KGSP is the only opportunity to reach my target- Self-Introduction [6]

Hello diplomatik,...
As the person who has same experince in you, i suggest you to dig deeper about your reason to study in KOREA.

The KGSP is the perfect chance for me to fulfill my wish to become a perfect teacher of finance. You should explain why korea will make you perfect teacher of finance. What korea has? Instead of this. ~~My country and Korea are the partners in improving education system and my institute has strong links with Korean universities~~. Nowadays, my institute is holding Korean language courses and student exchange programs. However, in order to expand these programs we need people who know about both education systems and have a study experience in Korea.

digaprasiska

Mar 4, 2017

Letters / FILLED SCHOLARSHIP APPLICATION - academic study/training related awards, prizes or publications [5]

Thank you all for your help,...
So here my new answer, hope you can help me correcting it again.

Finishing my high school as the best student in the national and school examination, I got the chance to pursue higher education with Bidikmisi scholarship provided by The Ministry of Research Technology and Higher education. The scholarship is given for student with excellent academic result from middle-low income community who has strong leadership prosperity. Filled my daily activity with class and organizational activity. I still managed to joining competition for undergraduate student. In 2011, I got award from Government of Surabaya city for my articles chosen as one of best scientific articles. I was writing about how to surviving traditional food of Surabaya in the junk and fast food era. In the same year, I sent my business plan about promoting and producing snack from carrot called Carcor (carrot corner) to prevent children from deficiency of Vitamin A to the Indonesian Ministry of Research Technology and Higher Education and got funding in 2012.

Completing my undergraduate thesis, I sent my paper about using meta-analysis method as the most precise research in literature reviews area to analyze birth weight as risk factor of perinatal mortality in Indonesia that can make conclusion for the research in latest fifteen years with the same design and topics, my paper published by National Journal of Biometrics and Population managed by Public Health Faculty, Airlangga University.

digaprasiska

Mar 4, 2017

Letters / FILLED SCHOLARSHIP APPLICATION - academic study/training related awards, prizes or publications [5]

Please help me correct my paragraph

The question is :

Provide a maximum of four academic study/training related awards, prizes or publications you have achieved in the course of your studies - Not specific to any particular qualification you hold (max. 250 words)

achieved awards not related to qualifications

During my period in undergraduate program, i filled my day with scout and student board organizational activities and did part time job as research assistant for my lecturer. Even then i still managed my time to joined some competition for undergraduate student. Even I was not the best, at least i have tried. In 2011, i got award from Government of Surabaya city for my articles chosen as one of best scientific articles . In the same year, i sent my business plan to the Indonesian Ministry of Research Technology and Higher Education and got funded in 2012.

Completed my undergraduate thesis in 2014, I sent my paper "Meta analysis Application at Birth Weight as Risk Factor of Perinatal Mortality" and published by National Journal of Biometrics and Population, Public Health Faculty, Airlangga university.

Help me to correct this answer or make it more strong for scholarship

digaprasiska

Mar 4, 2017

Letters / A professor request for recommendation letter email [6]

Hi toff.....

I have same experience at you...
If you sure that the professor doesn't remember you, i suggest you to meet the professor directly.
But, as if the condition isn't possible please describe why the project of the professor influenced you clearly.

Your class and the xx project reallyinfluencedmy career plans, so I decided to start by asking you. I would be more than happy to meet you in person at your convenience if that would be helpful, but it is more feasible to ask you via email since I am currently based in New York. Would it be possible for you to write me a strong letter of recommendation for my business school application?

If you the professor nice enough, She/ He can write you strong letter of recommendation.

Good luck

digaprasiska

Jan 13, 2017

Scholarship / Your course of life, your view of life, study background, your hope & wishes. [12]

Thanks Holt...

It is if I applying to embassy. Since my plan is applying to university, I just can choose one university which my application must send to the university I choose not to the embassy.

That's why I am really confused about the last paragraph. Should I mention it nor not since I send my application directly to the university I choose.

thank you

digaprasiska

Jan 13, 2017

Scholarship / Your course of life, your view of life, study background, your hope & wishes. [12]

Thank you I3atjin

Thank you Holt.
Before i revise my essay could you explain me should I mention about the university which i choose? I have plan to apply through university not embassy.

Hope you can help me.

Thank you so much

digaprasiska

Jan 13, 2017

Scholarship / Your course of life, your view of life, study background, your hope & wishes. [12]

Thank you Bennyooo and Holt

I already revised my essay
Could you help me check it one more time?
Thank you

It was during Great Recession when my mother left the five-years-old me and my father to worked abroad as foreign housemaid with determination to improve our financial condition. She came back six years later to reunite again with us however due to the impacts of recessions, our financial condition wasn't better than it had been she left. Even though my parents are not highly educated, they cope with odd jobs such as factory workers and farming to get little earnings that support our living. My parent worked hard while neglecting their health which is really worry me and it motivated me to be educated and learn more about health so I can take better care for them and others.

I think that life is something that only I can created the way I want it to and not surrender to the circumstances. Poverty is not an obstacle to achieve dream. Due to my academic excellent in high school. I got Bidikmisi Scholarship from Indonesian government which helped me pursue higher education at Airlangga University, one of the best University in Indonesia. I chose Public Health program to deepen my knowledge in public health services. During college, I filled my day with part time job as a research assistant and also participated in organization activities like student boarding and scout organization.

Completed my Bach. Of Public Health with good academic result, I was accepted as civil employee of Indonesian government, placed in primary health care of developing district in Indonesia. Then I realize that health community problem is really complex. The best way to solve it is with appropriated health management system and policy. Unfortunately, Regional government made regional development policies without thinking much about health development. This condition motivated me to pursue higher education, be the next leader to change this condition to help people take care their health.

Because of my interest in health management and policy, I often read about overview health management system from some countries. Then I found South Korea being the fastest health care expenditure per capita among OECD countries. In 2000, Korea merged all insurance schemes into single payer system. The Korean health management system and policy is really comprehensive and can cover almost All Korean. Through the single payer system (insurance) called NHI Korea has achieved a rapid improvement in health outcomes. Recently, Indonesia has changed into single health insurance system but the implemented facing too many problems in which Korea already successfully pass through NHI. That's why I think Korea is the best country to learn about health management system and policy.

My interest about Korea didn't stop only in the health management system and policy. I started to watch Korean variety show program and it make me really want to learn about Korean culture and experiencing about being Korean. Because of my interest, I am also learning about basic Korean language and writing. Unfortunately, I can't afford to take TOPIK test because it only once in a year and only in Indonesia's Capital city. I found about KGSP in 2013, I think this is my chance to know Korea better, not only help me pursue higher education in health management system and policy, but also give my chance to life in Korea and learn Korean culture better.

Thank you

digaprasiska

Jan 12, 2017

Scholarship / Your course of life, your view of life, study background, your hope & wishes. [12]

Merged:

Letter of Self Introduction

Gus please help me correcting my essay for scholarship application.

Here is the question.
1. Your course of life, study background, your hopes, & wishes
2. You education and work experience, in relation KGSP
3. Your motivation for applying for this program
4. Reason for study in Korea

Here is my essay

(...)
Due to my academic excellent in high school. I got Bidikmisi Scholarship from Indonesian government which help me to pursue higher education at Airlangga University, one of the best University in Indonesia. I chose Public Health program to deepen my knowledge in public health services. During college, I filled my day did part time job as a research assistant and also did organization activities like student boarding and scout organization.

(...)
Then I found out about KGSP. I think this is my chance to pursue higher education in Korea. Ajou university is my choice amongst other Korean university because Ajou University is include as Top 200 Asia Best University. The most important is Ajou University Graduate school of public health has health management and policy major. ........... ( I am confused to close my essay, Help me)

Thanks for your help

digaprasiska

Jan 11, 2017

Scholarship / UNC supplement essays, University of North Carolina - something inspiring [4]

Hi Bennyooo

Thanks for help me in my essay....
I already read your essay but i can't find which part of the SUNSET that really make you inspired.
Is it about the idea? about the spirit of elder about performance? or about the performance they did in opera?
Make sure you are specified which part of SUNSET that really make you inspired.

Thank you
Sorry about grammatical error, English isn't my mothers language.
Good luck

digaprasiska

Jan 10, 2017

Scholarship / Your course of life, your view of life, study background, your hope & wishes. [12]

Hello guys,...
I need you to help me correcting my draft for scholarship subscription.

The question is :

Your course of life, your view of life, study background, your hope & wishes.

It was in economic crisis period. My age was 5 years old when my mother went to abroad to be housemaid. Left me staying with my father and relatives. She came back when I was 11 years old, but my family economic situation has not changed much. The national economic conditions was becoming worse. Not much can be expected from my parents income because of their low education.

My mother worked in a factory canning fish, she often came home with cuts on his hands and feet. Because of our economic condition they didn't care about their health. Since then, I was determined that I should be educated especially in health area. I have to change my destiny. Poverty is a source of my power dare to dream. Bidikmisi scholarship drove me to enter the graduate level at the Airlangga University, majoring Public Health program, facing my dream and left my family in the village.

During college, I filled my day did part time job as a research assistant and private tutor for junior high school student and also did organization activities. I still believe that effort and prayer will help me achieve my dream. Poverty is not an obstacle to achieve dream. After graduated I accepted as civil employee in primary health care but it isn't good as people think. I am facing obstacle about make decision in health management and policy. Senior civil employee always take an easiest decision without thinking much for better health development. They never accept my idea or suggestion because they think I am at same level education with them and doesn't have much experience. As a new worker I can do nothing to change this condition. So, the only way to make them believe in me is higher education I must reach.

I hope you can help me to correcting my essay.
Thank you

digaprasiska

Jan 10, 2017

Scholarship / Describe leadership experience in 250 characters including spaces [6]

Hello streetwalker,..

I already read your second draft. Unfortunately, i didn't find your leadership experience in here. You should explain how do you manage your people or what do you do with your teammate as QMS Implementation Supervisor and Internal Auditor at Prima Solusindo Consultancy

My solution to this problem is combining (...) development and increase profits. This part is only explain your ability to solve problem with your job not with your people or your teammate.

Hope you can do better.

digaprasiska

Jan 10, 2017

Undergraduate / The features of nursing profession. NURSING PROGRAM ADMISSION ESSAY [5]

Hello crl,...

I think your esay is really interesting but really general. You should make your article more specific especially at part As a nurse I will encounter individuals with ....

The more important part is your article really big. It will better to make it become 2 or 3 paragraph which each paragraph explain one topic from this question. The College of Nursing is committed to ...

Good Luck

digaprasiska

Feb 5, 2015

Scholarship / Born as daughter in the family is not an unlucky, as if not in patriarchal society - Scholarship app [5]

Hi Anthony,...
I have changed as you told me to do,...
Could you help me please to check it once again?
I know, I ask to much but really i need help about improving my essay...
and you know, it is over page,... could you tell me which part i should cut and which part i should give more attention?
Thank You so much Anthony

Born as daughter in the family is not an unlucky, as if not in patriarchal society. Women always in the second place in everything such as education, job, and way of life. My situation would not be so bad if my parents have a good profession, in reality they just low income farmers. Everyday I have been thinking if I should wait there is change in my life? Then, I realized that there would be no change in my life or my community if don't do anything. So, I worked hard to got scholarship for my undergraduate program and finally I accepted in Public Health faculty, Airlangga University as awarded Bidikmisi Scholarship. I believe there is a will there is a way. Women should choose their own way of life, instead of waiting and receiving. Believe, effort, and prayer will make it happen. To gain more experience, I also did part time job and active in some organization such as Scout and student board when I was student. i've work hard to be an expert health consultant in Indonesia.

I spent my free time in undergraduate program not only doing part time job, studying and organizing, but also participating some research in public health area such as immunization finance with UNICEF, tobacco control with MTCC, environmental health assessment et cetera. And now I am working as freelance research assistant in health vascular clinic and family planning agencies. I wasn't interest in occupational health before because I thought it was scary field but after I participated in some research, I realized that number of work accidents in Indonesia is very high and most of them are women. Like get a smack on my face I realized that accident can be prevented with good implementation of occupational health and safety management system. Lack of implementation of occupational health and least number of occupational health and safety professionals in Indonesia makes a bit change of my dream. I still want to be an expert consultant but focused on occupational health and safety. My long-term goal is to become a professor in occupational health and safety. To pursue my dream, I have to study in higher education level, especially in another countries with high implementation of occupational health and safety management system.

I did some research and I knew that South Korea is a country which has highest education level and number of work accident in South Korea is decreased from year to year until low level after implementing occupational health and safety management system. South Korea even has Korea Occupational Safety & Health Agency (KOSHA) who has been taking responsibility for the important role in occupational safety and health in the South Korea workplace. So I think South Korea is the best country for me to study. So, that's why I want to apply KGSP because KGSP will help me to complete my master degree in Korean University with my financial limitation. I would like to complete my master program in Inje University because after I researched, I found out that Inje university is the only University in South Korea which has a master of science in occupational health and safety and also one of the best University in South Korea. So Inje University is the best choice for me to complete my master program because I can explore deeper about occupational health and safety which help me to be an expert.

As well as an excellence in education and occupational health and safety implementation, South Korea is a very special country for me. The humility of Koreans is the thing that makes me really admire this country. Despite the high level of their education, they still believe in the God existence and live peacefully in religious diversity. As I know there are many religion in South Korea but not even once I heard that they have conflict. It is so amazing. And Korean culture is so amazed me. I knew Korean culture from variety show that I watched although I didn't experience it yet but I am very exciting to experience it.

please help me how to make good closing part of essay too
Thank you so much...

digaprasiska

Feb 4, 2015

Scholarship / Born as daughter in the family is not an unlucky, as if not in patriarchal society - Scholarship app [5]

Hi Anthony,...
Thank you so much for your help,..
You help me a lot with this,... but i need more help...
they asking to much :

Your course of life, your view of life, study background, your hopes & wishes, etc
Your education and work experience, etc., in relation to the KGSP program
Your motivations for applying for this program
Reason for study in Korea

but they only provide it in one page, so i am confusing which part i should write and how can i make connection between my paragraph,...

I hope you would like to help me more...
Thank you,...

Terima kasih

digaprasiska

Feb 3, 2015

Scholarship / Born as daughter in the family is not an unlucky, as if not in patriarchal society - Scholarship app [5]

Hi guys.... please help me to check my essay grammar ad my essay structure.

The provider scholarship ask me to write about my self in one page only about :
Your course of life, your view of life, study background, your hopes & wishes, etc
Your education and work experience, etc., in relation to the KGSP program
Your motivations for applying for this program
Reason for study in Korea
so this is my essay :
Born as daughter in the family is not an unlucky, as if not in patriarchal society. Although R.A Kartini has been fighting for women's rights in Indonesia but not necessarily able to align women to men position in entire community. Unfortunately I am one of the daughters in patriarchal society. My situation would not be so bad if my parents have a good position, In reality they are just low income farmers.

[...]

digaprasiska

Feb 3, 2015

Scholarship / My volunteer-mindedness that I have done during my high school life - APU scholarship essay [2]

Hi superp...

i am not an expert essay writer because we are alike. I also need help to correct my essay or scholarship application and luckily someone gave me advice.

I have read your essay but i am sorry I didn't find out connection between your volunteer experience with your major about international business. I mean its not always about business but you must put a highlight in your volunteer activity that will be relevant with your major in university, its not the main but it will help to impress the judges.

Judges will read ton of applications and they will sort it in very simple way. your first sentences or paragraph must be really interesting for them. Find out what the main purpose of APU scholarship will help to impress judge if you can put on your essay application.

Fighting

digaprasiska

Feb 1, 2015

Essays / How to write sucessful study plan? [5]

Oh thank you Kevin,... you are helping me,...
First, they ask me to write about my self in one page only about :
Your course of life, your view of life, study background, your hopes & wishes, etc
Your education and work experience, etc., in relation to the KGSP program
Your motivations for applying for this program
Reason for study in Korea

I am so desperate to writing because they only allow me to write in one page, it means only about 500 words, what should i write there?

and for the study plan they ask me to write :
Goal of study, title or subject of research, and detailed study plan only in half page.
i am so confused, please guide me what should i write first.

i will check your website
Thank you very much

digaprasiska

Jan 29, 2015

Essays / How to write sucessful study plan? [5]

Hi guys,....
My name is Diga, i would like to make study plan for scholarship program.
KGSP for more specific.
I graduated from public health program before, my thesis major was biostatistic, but now i want to apply scholarship still in public health field but in Occupational safety major.

Could you help me what should i write guys?
since all my publication before related to biostatistic than occupational safety and i didn't have any occupational safety work experience.
Please help me,
Thank you