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Posts by bonboncase
Name: Shiyun Huang
Joined: Sep 20, 2015
Last Post: Feb 22, 2016
Threads: 20
Posts: 45  
Likes: 15
From: China
School: University of Science and Technology Beijing

Displayed posts: 65 / page 1 of 2
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bonboncase   
Feb 22, 2016
Graduate / Waitlist/Rejection Argue essay for CMU eBusiness program [3]

Hi Louisa. I just want to let you know that I was admitted to this program of CMU and I truly thank you for all your help. It turns out this essay never got a chance to be used now~
bonboncase   
Jan 20, 2016
Graduate / Duke- 3-part short essay, each with 500 CHARACTERS limit (approximately 100 words) [3]

1. Why are you pursuing the MMS degree at this stage in your professional development?

As an accounting major student, I can calculate financial data and prepare financial statements. But to realize my career goal as a consultant, I need to know more about how to transform financial information into actionable insights to make wise business decisions. During my internships, I witnessed the immaturity of the Chinese financial market, leaving me unsolved puzzles of the privately-raised bond for small and medium enterprises. MMS will help solve my puzzles and realize my career goal.

2. What are your immediate career goals after completing the MMS program?【I really don't know what else I could write here...although I still have more than 200 characters left】

I planned to be a consultant and work with a consulting company. I would be ready to help customers evaluate their business plans and develop a market strategy by doing market research and analyzing massive amounts of data.

3. Life is full of uncertainties, and plans and circumstances can change. As a result, navigating a career requires you to be adaptable. Should the immediate goals that you provided above not materialize, what alternative directions have you considered?

I will try to find a job which will help me earn my own living and give me time to land on a more desirable job. I may try to be a temporary piano teacher to support my living and keep building up networking in the meantime to find a my desired job. If I have to go back to work in China, I will still try to be in an international company. The worst possibility is that I will retake my current job as an oral English teacher. This is a well-paid job so I can at least earn money for a MBA degree.
bonboncase   
Jan 20, 2016
Graduate / Supporting Statement for admission to the University of Sheffield at Master of Arts [3]

Hi, I think your essay is quite well writen. I have one personal opinion that I would like to share with you here.

firstly, I intend to facilitate the students' needs[...]
Lastly, I am going to get involved in developing research for anything concerns to my academic expertise.

I think this part you mostly discussed your career plans, but not how this course will help your career. So I think you should probably revise it by how this course will benefit your career.
bonboncase   
Jan 19, 2016
Graduate / Duke MMS-how will your background and previous experiences add value to the experience of your peers [3]

Hello everyone! Here is my essay for Duke MMS and I am 23 words out of word limit. So please share your opinion on where I should cut or how can I improve my sentences. Thank you guys very much!

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【500 words limit】The MMS: How will you be engaged as a student (both in and out of the classroom), and how will your background and previous experiences add value to the experience of your fellow students?

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It is commonly acknowledged that a successful project always consists of people who can enrich the performance of each individual. As an Asian student with various professional backgrounds including accounting, piano and sport, I have the ability provide insights to projects from various perspectives, while remaining sensitive and cooperative within the team setting. I agree with what John Maxwell said, "Leadership is not about titles, positions, or flow charts. It is about one life influencing another". With this in mind, I will continuously strive to deal with discrepancies, challenges and emergencies, in order to attain the common goal of my team. This strategy will motivate me and my teammates to work together and overcome any difficulties that we may encounter. By cooperating with and learning from the young breed of enthusiasts at Fuqua, I would be able to find supportive peers in my future career.

To be more specific, I would like to elaborate on my data analysis ability and my solid business background which will contribute to the success of my team. While doing my class assignment of demonstrating Support Vector Machines (SVM) with an application, I wrote some codes on MATLAB successfully to predict the return on investment using past financial data. Rather than sticking to the reference materials my professor provided, which only introduced the application of SVM on SPSS, I learned machine learning with MATLAB by myself and my final thesis about this specific application was published on Global Information Guide No.625. Along with my solid mathematical background as "level A" applied for all my mathematical classes including Advanced Mathematics, Linear Algebra and Statistics, I am sure I have got the data analysis ability that every project requires.

My internships were as robust as my academic backgrounds and they enhanced my business background. My first internship at a security company taught me to prepare for product promotion. My second internship allowed me to learned accounting principle by generating accounting entries and filling financial documents. My last internship at XXX Futures taught me to advise customers to make investment decisions by processing financial data and benchmarking. These experiences granted me an overall picture of the Chinese financial industry and how business operates which I believe will beneficial for the group projects I will encounter in the future.

Outside the classroom, I would attend meetings with prospective employers and speaker-events with some impressive and accomplished trend setters to keep abreast of the latest researches and prepare for my career. In addition, I will actively participate in different extracurricular programs, as per my time as an undergraduate student, to demonstrate my athletic abilities and professional piano skills and to win glory for Fuqua. The sport tradition of Duke University appeals to me as I am the kind of person that spend almost every minute of my leisure time in sport. In sports, mind endurance is as important as physical endurance and I have learned to work under pressure when cooperating and competing with different people. As the team member of three sport teams in my university, I am certain that I will be able to represent the strong sport culture of Duke.
bonboncase   
Jan 16, 2016
Graduate / Duke-a list of '25 Random Things About Yourself.' [4]

Thanks Louisa. I didn't realize I didn't explain myself clear in the issue of "2008 financial crisis". The fact is that my family put a lot of money in the stock market, and learning piano was very expensive. So with a bad financial situation we were thinking of giving up a lot at that time. My mom actually quit her job to take me to another city to learn piano, seperated from my father. I guess you can imagine when an adult is under great pressure, she may reveal some anxiety to her kids. That's what happened with me at that time. This could be a little bit too personal but I did share this story with many of my friends and so I thought if I was going to consider the Admission Officer a friend, I would be okay to tell him this.
bonboncase   
Jan 16, 2016
Undergraduate / write a paragraph about some actions that should be taken to protect our oceans [3]

our oceans and coast

[I don't think should be oceanS, but I am not that sure either]

Firstly , I think we shouldn't litter randomly because this makes thebecause it will pollute the sea pollute and endangers sea plants and animals.

Second, I supposebelieve the government should introducecome up with more laws

relatives orand families

[relatives and families are the same I think...]
bonboncase   
Jan 16, 2016
Graduate / Waitlist/Rejection Argue essay for CMU eBusiness program [3]

Hi everyone. I am currently waiting for some other universitie's replies and I am getting a little anxious. I am imagining what I should do if I am waitlisted or rejected. So I tried to write an argue essay. Don't laugh at me but I just can't sit here and wait all day :P I guess waitlists and rejections are very common so maybe it is a good idea to get prepared. Anyway, thanks for bearing with me and please give me your opinion on the essay below, thanks a lot!

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I would like to restate my profound interest in e-Business. Although I am an accounting major student, I have enrolled in the Management Information Systemclass in my university and I remember clearly what my teacher said about our goals. She said that since we were not students of computer science majors, we would not be experts in programming. But we should utilize our advantage and build the bridge between business and programming. I was deeply impressed by her words and I since developed a strong interest for information and communication technologies. With the continuous data and information explosion happening on a global scale, IT is changing on a daily basis and I need to keep abreast of these developments and improve my ability to do business with the help of internet network.

I find your e-business program, which focuses on the application of information technologies in support of business activities a good fit for my desire career path. Although my long term goal is to be an expert in finance, I do understand how much experience one must accumulate in real work to have a deeper understanding of an industry. From my internship experiences, I can see that information technology is in strong demand in many Chinese firms and I believe it is a good start for me to learn from real work experience as a data analyst in a consulting firm. Therefore, my short term goal is to equip myself with strong expertise of IT and data analysis and begin my career as a data analyst.

I know my weakness compared to other prospective students is that I lack programming skills. But I have taken steps to make up for this weakness and I have started learning Python by reading books and watching videos. Just as I managed to learn Support Vector Machines on MATLAB by myself, I am certain I will make it. Should I be accepted, I would also like to enroll in the course Introduction to Computer Systems over the summer online or even before starting at Carnegie Mellon to strengthen my programming background.

I am deeply attracted to the campus atmosphere of CMU which offers opportunities to engage in the learning of programming and groundbreaking research. I will certainly benefit from the world renowned CS department of CMU by choosing some excellent courses. If I have the chance, I will definitely take Professor Tom Mithchel's class of Machine Learning to further explore SVM and reflect on my previous thesis about the application of SVM on prediction of return on investment.

As a program that focuses on group work, the e-Business program can offer me lots of opportunities to work with young breed of enthusiasts and find supportive peers in my future career. As a business major student with various professional backgrounds including accounting, piano and sport, I have the ability provide insights to projects from various perspectives, while remaining sensitive and cooperative within the team setting.

In conclusion, I have a very strong desire to join the e-Business program and I believe my unique background will add to the creativity of group work study. I am also taking steps to make up for my weakness in programming before beginning my master's education. Please reconsider my chance to be accepted in your program. Thank you.
bonboncase   
Jan 11, 2016
Graduate / Duke-a list of '25 Random Things About Yourself.' [4]

Hi everyone. I am glad to be back on EssayForum again for my final application. Thanks to the help of EF, I have got two admissions including Brandeis MSF and Bosten University MSMF. Duke is the last university I am going to apply for and I appreciate your help very much. Please check if there are grammar mistakes and perhaps some advice on the content too. Thank you!

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When a new person joins the Admissions Team, we ask that person to share with everyone in the office a list of '25 Random Things About Yourself.' As an Admissions team, we already know the new hire's professional and academic background, so learning these '25 Random Things' helps us get to know someone's personality, background, special talents, and more.

In this spirit, the Admissions Committee also wants to get to know YOU - beyond the professional and academic achievements listed in your resume and transcript. You can share with us important life experiences, your likes/dislikes, hobbies, achievements, fun facts, or anything that helps us understand what makes you who you are.

Please present your response in list form, numbered 1 to 25. Some points may be only a few words, while others may be longer. Your complete list should not exceed 2 pages. Do not copy the essay question in the document you upload with your application.

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1. I was once a professional piano student and I did not attend primary school for two years to prepare for the entrance exam for the top musical middle school in China.

2. My mom wanted to me to be a professional tennis player when she was pregnant because my parents are both good tennis players. But I was originally estimated to be short-less than 160cm-so she was worried and gave this up. Now that I am 168cm, she would be kidding about how much she regretted her decision.

3. I learned seal cutting in middle school and I feel shame to tell you that my handwritten Chinese characters are worse than those I cut for seals.

4. I joined the national teenage club of badminton and competed with the Singapore Youth Team once. I lost by 1-2 to a boy 2 years younger than me.

5. I am a Buddhist and the maximum time I can stay still in meditation is one hour, although I literally cried at that time because of the pain in my legs for keeping that pose for so long.

6. After almost 10 years of classical music training, I was a little reluctant to listen to pop music. But I slowly developed interests for folk music and rock n roll.

7. I am a self-taught Ukulele player. It was not difficult to pick up a new instrument with my solid musical background.
8. I am the member of my university's badminton, swimming and tennis teams. But do not be too surprised because I actually stayed in each team in different years.

9. I am good at smashing the ball, both in playing badminton and tennis. It is my essential weapon.
10. In the last citywide badminton game I played, I was defeated spiritually by the shrill screaming of my opponent. That is why I believe competing in games can greatly improve one's ability to work under pressure.

11. I also love roller coaster. I think it has something to do with my mother's accident when she was pregnant with me. She was riding a bicycle and was unaware of the failing brakes. She almost lost control when she was riding down a long slope but she managed to save our lives by hitting into a giant pile of sand. That could be where my braveness came from.

12. During my professional piano training, I suffered from heavy pressure and could not sleep as I not only had to play the piano for up to 8 hours a day, but my family was facing financial difficulties because of the 2008 financial crisis.

13. I decided to give up on becoming a professional pianist because deep inside, I was not dramatic and emotional enough to be a great performer.

14. Although I am not a very good cook, I am sure I will a great one in the future because my parents are both very bad cooks and I have to keep improving my own skills to have a good meal.

15. When I was travelling on the Mongolian grassland, I thumbed for a lift ride just to see if I could make it. I was quite surprised that I succeeded within one minute.

16. I can conduct several traditional Chinese medical treatments including cupping therapy, Gua Sha (scrapping bruises) and Acupuncture. I have cured several persons who had a fever.

17. I enjoyed visiting museums and I have been to more than 50 museums in Beijing.
18. I kept a diary for almost seven years now.
19. All of my best friends share at least one common sport hobby with me.
20. I would like to watch the movies I have watched before when I want to relax because I do not want to be surprised or shocked by some unknown plots.

21. I did all the logo designs and introduction video editing in every group project I took part in.
22. I was not good at dancing so I enrolled in an elective class to learn pop dance. But I only got 66 in that class although I worked quite hard to keep up with its pace. I dare not to dance again since then.

23. I am quite popular among kids, leading to my success in my current job as an oral English teacher of seventh grade students. The secret is pretending to be their peer and share with them my stories when I am at their age.

24. I learned Support Vector Machines based on MATLAB by myself in a week because I was in desperate need to use it for my research.

25. I was once scared of marriage because I thought raising kids could ruin my career. But after I met my host family in the US, I was impressed by how they managed their family and career nicely at the same time and I no longer see marriage and career as contradiction.
bonboncase   
Dec 28, 2015
Graduate / What is your motivation to study for a MAcc degree at USC? USC MAcc Graduate Admission Essay [3]

Hi Shiqing.
Very well written. I can hardly find any grammar mistakes. I just want to give you some advice on the content.
The part you describe your academic background is absolutely great, but the part you describe your professional background is too general.

My communication with leaders, colleagues and clients has taught me the importance of interpersonal skills and practical ability which one could only develop by continuously applying knowledge into practice.

Is that it? Have you witness something that you read about on some books? Did you meet any differences between real life work and textbooks?

Also, you can be more specific when talking about how USC fits you. For example the following sentence:

With an outstanding team of professors, students, practitioners and film industry leaders, University of Southern California is the ideal place for me to start working my way up and establishing useful connections with experienced professionals who can set me on the right road to my career goals.

What lessons exactly? Which professor? You can find more details online.
bonboncase   
Dec 27, 2015
Graduate / In 250-500 words indicate your expected career track - Master of Financial Economics Essay [2]

Hi everyone. I know it is almost new year time so let me wish you guys happy new year first :D
I have an essay that will be due in a week so I am looking for grammar check and probably insightful opinions if time permitted. Thanks for your help in advance.

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In 250-500 words please indicate your expected career track (examples include, but are not limited to, consulting, banking, asset management, research and modeling, risk management, etc.) and describe how the Master of Science in Financial Economics will help you attain your career goals. Please be specific.

After finishing my Master's degree, I am looking forward to working as a consultant with an investment management firm, helping customers evaluate their business plans and providing investment advice by doing market research and synthesizing massive amounts of data.

In a competitive job market, the technical skills and analytical expertise gained through the coursework component of a PhD program are increasingly valuable and the MSFE program of Columbia is one of the few programs that can meet with this requirement.

I have learned that the courses for each semester usually consist of three PhD lessons and one MBA lesson. From a current student of MSFE, I learned that as an accounting major student, I can take the Exemption Exam for Accounting and change the course of Accounting into Asset Management. The flexibility of choosing the courses to enroll in can help me enrich myself with the knowledge I need most.

Over the course of my career, I plan on becoming an economist with the aim of improving the Chinese financial system. With limited channels available to raise capital, the Chinese financial system has not found a good way to help SMBs get the capital they need. In China, private lenders get only limited legal protection and face numerous restrictions on commercial lending. Bigger firms, however, have greater ability to raise money from banks, which enlarges the wage gap in China. The net result is that the companies with the highest comparative advantage (the SMBs) are the least likely to get the capital they need to grow, decreasing the competitiveness of China in the world market. Although China has taken steps to solve this problem, there is still a long way to go. Since the MSFE program provides many theoretical and academically strong PhD courses such as Asset Pricing I&II, Corporate Finance Theory, Continuous Time Model and Behavioral Finance, it is perfectly aligned with my specific research interests in the field of financial system and will help me realize my long term career goal to be an economist. I will certainly benefit from the rigorous courses setting.

The well-rounded career programs and the strong networking of Columbia University will guide me towards my desired career. I can not only seek job opportunities on the job posting system of CBS, but also ask the well-connected directors and professors for help to recommend me to job interviews. I would also cherish the great opportunities of attending seminars and speaker-events with some impressive and accomplished trend setters. I would not only be able to develop a strong analytical skillset, but also find supportive peers in my future career.

Thus, taking the above into consideration, the MSFE program becomes my priority choice for furthering my academic and professional career. I believe my diverse background will add to the multiplicity of your program and I genuinely hope to inherit the innovative spirit of Columbia and shape the future of finance.
bonboncase   
Dec 20, 2015
Writing Feedback / LAZINESS (it talk about laziness. It is my thinking, my first paragraph post on here. [3]

you Just only need to stand up, everything will become allrightall right .
If you start to tidy up the house, it will be neat. If you start to wipe, everything will be cleaned .

Caring toif you care for other people,you will receive love. Thingking forif you think of other people, feeling generous by myself. keeping Busy makes life more significant.

【many grammar mistakes. You must look at what "subject" means in a sentence. Most of your sentences does not have subject and you sometimes use adjective as subject】
bonboncase   
Dec 20, 2015
Graduate / SOP for Master of Applied Behavioral Economics and Individual Choice [NEW]

Please submit your statement of purpose. This one- or two-page statement states your reasons for undertaking graduate work and explains your academic interests, including their relation to your undergraduate study and professional goals. Include your full name and your proposed field of study at the top of each page.

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During my undergraduate study, I became interested in the issue of employee retention from my own experience. Retaining elite employees not only saves the cost of operation but also keeps the core competencies in-house. However, from the employee's point of view, their choices are either to jump ship or to stay. I encountered a jump ship situation myself during a shopping website development project. My teammates who were in charge of technical support jumped ship to another project without informing me in advance. This experience strengthened my determination to further study economic behaviors and individual choices because they are as important as techniques in related to the success of an organization.

To analyze the jump-ship scenarios, I started to consider using game theory which is a powerful management tool that can be used to calculate the highest outcome of an employee's decision. We can thus make a prediction by using the payoff matrix or game tree in a simulated situation and change our stimulation mechanism accordingly. However, as I am not sure whether the employees choose their moves without being sure of the firm's move or not, both sequential and simultaneous games have to be taken into consideration. So there may be several decisions for several different scenarios instead of a single solution based on the overall picture.

I would love to better understand this issue. But my undergraduate study only introduced some general solutions to employee retention and the game theory I learned by myself is not enough. Your program provides courses such as Behavioral and Managerial Decision Making which will help me understand how to best organize and motivate the human capital of the firm. There are also courses about research methods and the proper use of statistical data which are vital in setting up the right model for analysis. I believe your program will help me look at this issue from a comprehensive view with a deeper insight into the behaviors of employees.

As an accounting major student, I gained a comprehensive mastery of fundamental principles of finance from courses including Macro-Micro Economics and Financial Management. To ensure that my mathematical skills would be at the desired level, "level A" was applied for all my mathematical classes including Advanced Mathematics, Linear Algebra and Statistics. Normally, I prefer to lead by full participation in a project and act on my ideas rather than wait for other's instructions motivated me to learn Support Vector Machines (SVM). I learned the use of MATLAB on SVM by myself and my thesis "prediction of the return on investment based on SVM" was published on Global Information Guide No.XXX. Aiming to access a full understanding of how business operates, I deem internships and group works as critical components for realizing my career goals. My first internship at AAA Security taught me to prepare for product promotion. My second internship at BBB allowed me to learned accounting principle by generating accounting entries and filling financial documents. My last internship at CCC Futures taught me to advise customers to make investment decisions by processing financial data and benchmarking.

Although I am confident that my solid academic and professional background will help me find a position as a consultant in China, I want to solve my long held puzzle in retaining employees. Combined with a passion for academia, I was seeking a master's program in behavioral finance. Your esteemed program, with specialization in behavioral finance is perfectly aligned with my educational background and specific research interests. While my intention is to obtain a position as an consultant, my long term goal is to be a researcher and take this field to a new level. Therefore, with an environment of a diverse group of people who are all striving to live up to the same high-standard that you are being held to, XXX is the place for me to find my career peers and realize my goals.
bonboncase   
Dec 19, 2015
Writing Feedback / Harmful effects on natural sources and how to minimize them [2]

natural sources are being vanishing

and ignoring thethe ignorance of their importance of them

Many fossil flues sourcesafter one decade do not existwill disappear after one dacade .

here are some Various ways to protect environment

and several natural sources havebeen used up completely

bonboncase   
Dec 17, 2015
Graduate / Master in Business Analytics Essay-Why is the next logical step? A big data analysis question [5]

Thank you for your reply Eric. However I have a few questions related to your revision.

As an accounting major[ missing "student"? I am not a MAJOR] , I am already equipped with

I hope to gain greater insight into the differences between accounting practices in China and those in the United States.

[that's not what I meant. MSBA doesn't teach me accounting, I just want to quickly figure out the differences in accounting system before learning BA]

I would love to hear your opinion on part 2 too. Thanks for your help and patience.
bonboncase   
Dec 17, 2015
Graduate / Write an essay using all the notes and give reasons for your point of view - Family or Friends? [3]

we cannot judge properly whatit would be more important in every situation.

enjoying with friends or in awith your family has the same importanceis equally important

the friends are not soas available likeas our family

As the common saying goes 'The family remains the most safe and happy place to live',it is a very frequent statement among young

I believe, family has the first placeis the most important part of our life, and then friends, because family's ties are forever, whereas,. On the other hand, if you lose a friend you can meet new ones

bonboncase   
Dec 17, 2015
Graduate / Master in Business Analytics Essay-Why is the next logical step? A big data analysis question [5]

Hi guys. I know it is almost Christmas so I am posting my essay here before you guys go on holidays XD. This essay has two parts, first with a word limit of 250 and the 2nd with a limit of 400. I know my language is a bit informal because I am not a native speaker. Please tell us where can I improve! Thanks and happy holiday!

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1.Why is the MSBA the next logical step for you? How do you hope to develop, both personally and professionally, during this one-year program?

Studying business analytics is exactly what I have planned for my academic and professional life. Since I chose accounting as my undergraduate major, I have already equipped with a solid financial background and I am familiar with how financial data are acquired and calculated. But to make a wise business decision, I must further process these data. Therefore, I found your MSBA program which fits into my personal study pattern and matches my values.

Should I be accepted, I will cherish my chance to learn from many great professors. Professionally, I will first quickly learn the small differences between the accounting system of China and the one of the US and then improve my analytical skills by actively engage in both in class learning and after class projects. Aiming to access the fully understanding of how business operates, I deem internships as critical components for realizing my career goals. Therefore I will keep seeking internship opportunities and learn the popular methods of data analysis nowadays.

Personally, I will seize the opportunities of group working with other creative students. To improve my competitiveness in the job market and my ability of critical thinking, I will do a lot of practicum/action-oriented learning and sharpen my practical skills and executive presentation skills. I would also participate in different sport and art activities, like I did in my undergraduate period, to make friends of different backgrounds and win glory for your university.

2.Provide an example of a big data analysis question that motivates you to apply for the MS in Business Analytics at Marshall. Make sure that your answer is short, no more than 400 words, and that it includes the following FIVE components: 1) a clear and concise description of the problem, 2) why you are interested in this problem, 3) the importance of this problem from a business point of view, 4) the potential solutions for this problem, and 5) a detailed discussion of the benefits and drawbacks of the suggested solutions.

I am particularly interested in estimating the risk of investing small and medium-sized firms. However, these firms may not report their financial status as frequent as the other bigger companies. Since we always base our analysis on past financial data, we need some powerful business analytical tools to analyze the risk of investing these firms.

It is universally acknowledged that risk analysis is vital for making investment decisions. But you may wonder why I am particularly interested in analyzing small and medium-sized firms.

Actually, this has something to do with my interest in the Chinese financial system. In the lesson Demystifying the Chinese Economy, I learned that with limited channels available to raise capital, the Chinese financial system has yet to hit maturity to balance out the labor-intensive small and medium-sized firms which have a great comparative advantage in the world. As there is limited legal protection for private loans and numerous restrictions for commercial lending, bigger firms have greater ability to raise money from banks, enlarging the wage gap in China. This results in the limited flow of capital into the companies with the highest comparative advantage, decreasing the competitiveness of China in the world market. Therefore, it is important to promote privately-raised company bond for small and medium enterprises, a product which my professor said would benefit the Chinese financial system.

However, during my internship at one of the biggest security companies in China, I learned that this product was a limited-release in testing phases. The reason behind this phenomenon, in my opinion, could be that the risk analysis for this product is difficult.

My solution to this problem is to use the factorial analysis and Support Vector Machines (SVM) to estimate the return on investment (ROI) of these firms. I will first classify these firms according to their industries and then narrow down the financial ratios I will use for my analysis. To improve the accuracy, I would use SVM to predict the ROI in a small range instead of at an accurate number.

This method will help us analyze these firms because by focusing on a few financial ratios, the deficiency of financial reports will not matter that much. But it is not without its drawbacks, since we are only focusing on its past data, we cannot really adjust to the future trend. Also, setting the average data of its peer firm in its industries as a benchmark may not really reflect the true status of its industries since other variables such as region and human factors may also have an influence over the data.
bonboncase   
Dec 15, 2015
Graduate / Resume grammar check--- internship and work experience [4]

I think that these corrections ought to improve your resume :-)

Hey Louisa, I have a good news. I just got the offer from Brandeis MSF with 25000 scholarship! Thank you for your help with me so long. If it is possible could you please help me look at my MIT essay? Thanks again for you, and EF!
bonboncase   
Dec 9, 2015
Writing Feedback / Global sale of fuel and electricity-based hybrid vehicles - IELTS TASK 1 [2]

In which, this chart provides the information between 2006 and 2009. Overall, it can be obviouslywe can easily see that US' global sale was always the highest among two other countries, except in 2009.

witnessed US as the highest global rate with the average roughly at 300,000

["US" is not "rate" so you can not say US as the rate]
bonboncase   
Dec 3, 2015
Graduate / CMU ebiz SoP and practicum project [3]

Hey guys. This is the first time I write a SoP. I am not sure if the length is good. The deadline is in a week so I need you guys help with either the content or the grammar! Thanks a lot!

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- What led you to select this program?
- What is your objective in pursuing a Master's Degree?
- What in your background is relevant to this objective? Describe how your academic, industrial, and/or commercial experiences prepare you to be successful in this program.

- The masters program culminates in a practicum project done in conjunction with a business or other organization. Please describe your initial ideas for the type of practicum project you would like to pursue.

- Any additional information you wish to give the Admissions Committee.
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I was attracted to your program the first time I saw your website. "Learning by doing" is a very effective way of study and I personally enjoy this way of study. For example, although I learned MATLAB for a full semester in class, my application skills of MATLAB not very well until I took on a class project of demonstrating Support Vector Machine on MATLAB. This is the same for me in my daily life. Rather than reading instructions, I prefer to actually learn something by participating. That why I soon became the member of my university's swimming, badminton and tennis teams. Rather than waiting for them to put up an advertisement for new recruits, I showed my skills when I saw them training and I was accepted in soon.

Although my academic backgrounds and experiences may be enough for me to find a job as a consultant in China, I want to pursue a Master's Degree in the US. I have always been interested in the development of Chinese financial system. With limited channels available to raise capital, the Chinese financial system has yet to hit maturity to balance out the labor-intensive small and medium-sized firms which have a great comparative advantage in the world. During my internship, I was struck again by the need to develop a more mature financial market. Even though I was in one of the biggest security companies in China, I learned that privately-raised company bond for small and medium enterprises, a product which would benefit the Chinese financial system, was in limited release. Also, when I tried to evaluate a firm using the Discounted Cash Flow model, my senior colleagues told me that in real circumstances, human factors have a strong influence on the estimation. Thus, I am eager to learn how a fully developed financial market works by studying and working in the US. In order to work for a consulting firm after graduation, I was seeking a Master's program that can equip me with a strong skillset and practical knowledge. So the MSIT program became my choice.

I have an all-rounded understanding of how a business works owing to my three different internships which cover the aspects of marketing, accounting and financial modeling. My first internship at a security company taught me to prepare for product promotion. My second internship gave me a chance to practice what I learned about accounting by generating accounting entries and filling financial documents. My third internship at a futures trading company taught me to help their customer make investment decisions by processing financial data and benchmarking. Thanks to these experiences, I gained an overall picture of the finance industry and I am more confident at myself when pursing my future career.

For my academic background, I gained a comprehensive mastery of fundamental principles of finance as an accounting major student. To enhance my mathematics background, I chose "level A" which was the most difficult level for all my mathematical classes. Therefore, I built a solid foundation in mathematics and statistics by studying Advanced Mathematics, Linear Algebra A, Applied Statistics and Probability & Mathematical Statistics and Operations Research. I also actively engaged in the learning of programming and statistical softwares. Like the example I said before, I improved my programming skills while doing my class assignment of demonstrating Support Vector Machines (SVM) with an application. Rather than sticking to the reference materials my professor provided, which only introduced the application of SVM on SPSS, I read a few books introducing machine learning with MATLAB and my final thesis about this application was published. I believe my solid academic background and my spirit of innovation will help me succeed in your program.

Since I am currently working in the biggest education company in China, my idea of the practicum project is developing an app for this company. Currently, this company is relying on a chatting platform for homework submission. But I do not think it is a good idea to mix up studying with chatting. Also, when registration for classes begins, its website always crashes down. Therefore, I think it is a good idea to develop an app that is exclusive for this company. It will have five parts, including notes sharing, contacting teachers, homework submission, test scores records and class registration. While the students can save their homework and contact their teachers if they have any questions, their parents can register classes using this app.
bonboncase   
Dec 1, 2015
Graduate / The task is to draw upon experiences which have occurred in the past three years. MIT Sloan essay [2]

Hi everyone. Here is my essay and it is a bit out of word limit (773 words, limit is 750 words). I need you guys opinion on the content and use of words. Thanks!

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Essay 1: The mission of the Master of Finance program at MIT Sloan is to create the next generation of principled, global financial leaders with state-of-the-art training in modern finance theories and methods.

- Please discuss past academic and professional experiences and accomplishments that will help you succeed in the MFin program. Include achievements in finance, math, statistics, and computer science as applicable.

When I watched the television showHow Do They Do It, I was astonished to see how some people become the experts of a single narrow area by spending their life time doing some seemingly ordinary jobs. After trying to be a professional pianist, a badminton player and an oral English teacher, I have finally narrowed down my career choices and decided to work at a consulting firm after graduation from master's degree. I hope to discover the hidden truth of financial issues by devoting my future career into this area. Therefore, I want to start from being a consultant who can help customers evaluate their business plans and provide investment advice by doing market research and synthesizing massive amounts of data.

After taking part in a business simulation contest, I became interested in data processing as I learned its power in financial modeling. In the Management of Corporate Financial Risk class, I disregarded the inadequate programming skills of an accounting major student and aced my class assignment of demonstrating Support Vector Machines (SVM) with an application. Rather than sticking to the reference materials my professor provided, which only introduced the application of SVM on SPSS, I read a few books introducing machine learning with MATLAB and wrote some codes successfully to predict the return on investment using financial data in the past. After adding the factorial analysis of SPSS to my application of SVM, my final thesis about this application was published and included in my teacher's teaching materials. I may not be familiar with what I am doing, but I am never afraid of trying and I would make every effort to realize my own innovation. That is my source of power to face new challenges.

In addition to some project experiences in college, I also gained valuable experiences through internships at CITIC security and Guodu Futures. I have always been interested in the Chinese financial system which has yet to hit maturity to balance out the labor-intensive small and medium-sized firms. This internship experiences gave me reals insights into Chinese immature financial market. Even though I was in one of the biggest security companies in China, I learned that privately-raised company bond for small and medium enterprises, a product which would benefit the Chinese financial system, was in limited release. Also, when I tried to evaluate a firm using the Discounted Cash Flow model, my senior colleagues told me that in real circumstances, human factors have a strong influence on the estimation. My exposures to the reality of Chinese financial system immensely stimulated my desire for further study in the field of finance. I got a deeper understanding of the financial theories and by reflecting what I have learned in class on real work, I can learn faster and better.

During my undergraduate years, I strive not only to excel academically, but also to shine in extracurricular and organizational activities. My active participation in three different sport teams has brought me a lot of awards and friendship. I also built up a strong communication skill in various organizational activities. Take my recent work experience as an oral English teacher for example, I successfully cooperate with my supervisor whose life perspective is very different from my own. While I insist on the value of college education, my supervisor believes that the tertiary education does not matter if one is earning good money. At the beginning, he often rejected my requests for leaves to attend my university classes, but I learned how to respect one another's differing ideas and got over our differences by focusing on our same goal, which is improving our class quality. Dealing with kids is also a hard work. Some kids are so sensitive that they will cry if the presents you give them seem cheaper than others'; some kids are full of dirty words and will not listen to what you say. I managed to keep them all under control and I did become a better organizer. I believe my various experiences can add to the diversity richness to your program.

My current education may be enough for me to realize my short term goal in China. But in order to realize my dream of becoming an economist, I need to see how a fully developed financial system works in the US by continuing my education. The rigorous curriculum of your program and an outstanding atmosphere of teamwork will help improve my professional ability and guide me to my future goal, Therefore, I am longing to join your esteemed program, where I can absorb the knowledge quickly and utilize my strength to build up a strong network.
bonboncase   
Dec 1, 2015
Graduate / Machine Learning (ML). Statement of Purpose for Computer Science Doctoral Program | CS Ph.D. [5]

Hey Lucas. I must admit that although I learned ML too (by myself), I am way behind your level :p I will tell you my personal opinion about your essay and I hope to see some professional ideas here.

paragraph 3 is not very well organized in its logic. You can say sth like" I maintained a high rank and got xxx scholarship. I am especially interested in Convex Optimization and Functional Analysis, in which I learned xxx, paving my way for the succes in xxx competitions." see what I mean? You need to change your order of telling your story in order to be logical.

You also need a conjunction sentence between p5 and p6. Also, perhaps it is a good idea to present some of your specific insight into ML. I learned a bit ML myself and your SOP seems quite general to me. (Just my personal view)

Good luck with your application to Stanford! I hope I can learn more about ML in my future study too :)
bonboncase   
Nov 29, 2015
Graduate / UVa Master's Essay-Collaborate with someone whose life perspective was vrey differnet from your own [3]

Hi everyone. This is my draft for this essay and I havn't polish my words. I need to know if my story is okay for this essay topic. Thank you for your opinion!

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Prompt:
Please describe a situation where you needed to collaborate or closely communicate with someone whose life perspective or cultural background was very different from your own. Please reflect on the challenges you faced, the strengths you brought to the situation, and areas for improvement. Please include what you learned about yourself and what you would do differently next time. (500 word limit)

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I joined the New Oriental Education last month by chance one of my supervisors Mr.X is also a senior student. His life perspective is very different from my own and I did face some challenges.

New Oriental is a company whose staffs are known to be as busy as those in the Big Four accounting firms. Not only do we spend all day and sometimes all night for training, but we also write thousand-word reflections every day and prepare for our own classes. I kept a hobby of self-learning every day before, no matter by taking online classes, reading a book or attending a lecture. But now I can hardly squeeze my time for it. In my opinion, studying is the investment of myself and I really enjoy studying. I would never think of sacrificing my university education for irrelevant jobs. Although the salary at New Oriental is very high, I only see it as my temporary job. On the contrary, My supervisor Mr.X, he skipped all his classes since sophomore year and is going to graduate with a very low GPA. When I asked him how did he pass the exams without attending classes and why would he choose to leave his major behind and do something totally irrelevant. He did not answer my question directly and said "attending university is for finding a good job, now I have 6 times the average salary a graduate is going get, why would I give it up?"I could not agree with him at all about the reason of attending a university. Consequently, when I tried to ask for a leave for my university's class, he was always displeased and would allocate heavier missions for me. However, despite my disagreement with Mr.X , I know as a teacher, I need to be responsible for my students. So I turned to some older staffs for help with the preparation for my lessons and the reflections I wrote have been praised many times. I still ask for leaves to attend my classes, but I completed the missions at New Oriental quicker by with the guide of the older staffs.

I did learn to be result-oriented when solving problems there and this was certainly very helpful. When we prepare for lessons and communicate with the kids' parents, we just need to think what they want to get here and base our solution on their expectation. Similarly, I know what Mr.X wants from me is to teach well and help attract more students. Next time, rather than bringing up our different life goals and arguing that university's education is important, I will try to talk to him more about what we have in common and ask him for advices about preparing lessons. By admitting the differences between us, I will seek our same pursuit and improve myself as much as possible.
bonboncase   
Nov 2, 2015
Graduate / Essay for Master of Mathematical Finance---Why this program/ what steps have you taken to decide [3]

The prompts have three parts and I use bold font for them. I use some old examples and I highlight the new parts in blue so that you can focus on the new parts.

Please check my grammar check or give me your opinion on the content. Thank you very much!

------------------------------------------------------------
a. Why are you choosing to pursue a mathematical finance degree over a more general finance degree? (up to 250 words)
I discovered my interest in data processing during my undergraduate study. Before taking any data processing classes, I already used Excel to predict the income of a hotel with a nonlinear model consisting of 5 variables (e.g. advertisement spending, room prices) in a National Business Simulation Competition.I realized from this experience that statistic methods and advanced quantitative techniques were crucial in financial modeling, so I made up my mind to continue my education in the field of mathematical finance. To ensure that my mathematical skills would be at the desired level, I chose the most difficult level for all mathematic lessons.

From your course description, I learned that MSMF provides lots of programming classes which I find very useful in financial modeling. As there were limited programming courses for accounting major students in my university, I used the Swirl R package to learn the basics of R language by myself. In theManagement of Corporate Financial Risk class, I improved my programming skills while doing my class assignment of demonstrating Support Vector Machines (SVM) with an application. Rather than sticking to the reference materials my professor provided, which only introduced the application of SVM on SPSS, I demonstrated its application on MATLAB and my final thesis was published.I understand my self-learned knowledge is not enough for my future career, so I would love to study in your esteemed program which highlights the importance of mathematics and programming.

b. What steps have you taken to ensure that Boston University Questrom School of Business is right for your studies? (up to 250 words)
In the search of a big city where lots of internship and work opportunities can be found, Boston quickly becomes my choice. I am sure your well-rounded career programs will guide me towards my desired career. The career-oriented activities such as on-campus information sessions and the Questrom Career Fair will help bolster my professional strengths. The great location of Boston where lots of intern and work opportunities can be found also appeals to me. I will have chances to have a deeper look into the US's financial market since interning and working in Boston are within close proximity.

The alumni network and summer internship opportunity also appeals to me. I will have numerous opportunities to connect with alumni of the Math Finance program and put my newly developed skills to the test in a two-month summer internship.

As an international student, I understand the difficulties for me to find a job in the US, so I want to pursue my graduate study in a program which highlights technical skills. Your rigorous curriculum will equip me with a solid financial and quantitative skill set.

As a student good at sport and piano, I was also searching for a university where a well-rounded student is high valued. Since Boston University has many different clubs and organizations, I believe I can expand my Questrom experience by joining a student organization and build a strong network.


c. What are your immediate post-graduation career plans, and how do they fit into your longer term professional goals? (up to 250 words)
Over the course of my career, I plan on becoming an economist with the aim of improving the Chinese financial system.However, one cannot analyze a huge market without fully understanding a small firm first . Therefore I am looking forward to working with an investment management firm after finishing my Master's degree. I will be able to help customers evaluate their business plans and provide investment advice by doing market research and synthesizing massive amounts of data.I believe working in the US whose financial system is fully developed will offer me essential insights into the world of professional finance.

I decided my long term career goal
after attending Demystifying the Chinese Economy, a course taught by Justin Yifu Lin, the former Chief Economist and Senior Vice President of the World Bank. I learned that with limited channels available to raise capital, the Chinese financial system has yet to hit maturity to balance out the labor-intensive small and medium-sized firms which have a great comparative advantage in the world. As there is limited legal protection for private loans and numerous restrictions for commercial lending, bigger firms have greater ability to raise money from banks, enlarging the wage gap in China. This results in the limited flow of capital into the companies with the highest comparative advantage, decreasing the competitiveness of China in the world market. Thus, I am eager to learn how a fully developed financial market works in the US by continuing my studies at Boston University.
bonboncase   
Oct 31, 2015
Writing Feedback / RESTRICTION TO THE FREE TURKISH MEDIA [3]

Do you know what'swhat is happening in Turkey recently. What is the agenda of inhabitants who live in Turkey right now.? Let me say."Coerce to media by the hand of the government baisedly."That sounds outrageous right?In 2015? Unfortunately Turkeyis turning into an unti-democratic state day by day and we can'tcan not even do anything about it.

About 3 days ago, the cops invaded Bugün and Kanaltürk Tv Centre by breaking the door thoughdespite the resistance of journalists that havehad been working in the media group.The boss and the many of the workers dismissed so far .Many people from several classes of the country have been oppositingoppose xxx(the cops or whatever you want to say) because they think the government is commiting a law-crime.However, the authorities said that there iswas no unfair occurance.Obviously in Turkey, the authorities countsconsider the public dumb or blind.

I highlight the parts I don't understand in red.
bonboncase   
Oct 31, 2015
Writing Feedback / We learn to talk, walk, differentiate good from bad, and learn manners from our parents. TOEFL Essay [3]

Parents, more than anyone else, are most involved in our leaning and development, shapeing our individuality, and building the foundation of what we truly are.

It is from them that we learn to respect our elders, orand treat other people.
We become a reflections of our parents.

For instance, when I was a little child I remember my mom teachingI remember when I was a little child my mom taught me to remain calm and speak politely to my cousins when I used to getinstead of getting angry on them for taking my toys.

Though this value did not seem very obviousthis characteristic was not easy to discover when I was a child, it did helped me time to time.

Though parents cannot be classifiesed as professional teachers
bonboncase   
Oct 31, 2015
Graduate / Resume grammar check--- internship and work experience [4]

Hi guys. I just got a job as an oral English teacher so I am adding this experience in my resume. However, I am not sure if I am writing the sentence correctly since the sentences in resume are a bit different. Please correct me if I am wrong.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Internship and Work Experience

xxx Education Group
Currently trained to be an oral English teacher for high school students and am expected to start teaching in January 2016

xxx Futures Co. Ltd,.
Facilitated in preparing financial data for benchmarking; forecasted and analyzed the value of public listed companies using discounted cash flow model (DCF); determined return of investments using capital asset pricing model (CAPM)

xxx Security
Promoted privately raised company bonds of small and medium enterprises; simulated stock trading using real-time market data

xxx Company
Made AR(account receivables)/AP(accounts payables) accounting entries and related finance documents filing; issued debit notes and credit notes
bonboncase   
Oct 27, 2015
Undergraduate / "COTTON CANDY CLOUDS" What Matters Most to Me - STANFORD [8]

Hi Alyssa
This is a beautiful little essay. However I am not sure if your essay will meet the request. The propmt is "what matters MOST". And since you are applying for an undergraduate degree, it may be a good idea to write something related to the major your are applying for. If you are applying for literature this can be a good idea. But for other majors I am not sure.

Hope to hear a professional opinion.
bonboncase   
Oct 22, 2015
Undergraduate / "Sky Poo" PERSONAL STATEMENT My dream to assist people in finding happiness. [2]

Hi Angel
Since you are applying for Hong Kong's university I believe your story at the beginning will certainly make people laugh. I did ( I am also Chinese). It's such a sad story but explain well why you want to be a psychologist.

For grammar check

Starting from third grade, my classmates made up a song about how I amwas a Poo that fell from the sky and the mark iswas on my face, the mole. It was really funny and creative, but I didn't [did not. Don't use contraction in formal essays] think it was funny because their words had hurt me deeply.

I was lucky to get rid of the mole at the age of eleven, so I didn't get any serious trauma;use comma instead however, in those ten years, I lived under derision that led to the lack of confidence in my character.

After so many years, with theof encouragement from my family and friends, I have successfully walked out of the shadow.

but it already hasalready had a great impact on who I am todaymy characteristic . Imagine those people who are experiencing or had experienced more serious events in their lifetimes that led to their pessimistic view toward life. [then what?...missing sth here]

encourages students to achieve double majors and double majors, allowsallowing me to study psychology
bonboncase   
Oct 22, 2015
Undergraduate / Mount Holyoke College "never fear / change " essay! International student! [3]

Hi Rebecca
I don't know what major are you applying for. If you are applying for language or culture related majors. What you emphasized could be beneficial. Just think from the admission office's point of view. What do they want to see in their students? You will think of something.

However, I don't think you are using the examples well. First I have to admit as a Chinese I am having difficulty following the names of those people. But aside from this, I think you are just repeating a story. When I saw what you said at the beginning, I thought you were going to tell your own story like overcoming the difficulties of learning Greeks. This essay is like my homework of writing a reading report. There is little YOU in it. Your admiration for something else can hardly make you unique.

These are my personal opinion for your reference.
bonboncase   
Oct 22, 2015
Scholarship / CHEVENING Work in organization focused on kids with HIV/AIDS/ full scholarship award from an Embassy [5]

Hi Sunika
It will be helpful if you post the request of this essay.
From my reading of other appliers' essays for this scholarship. You need to demonstrate your leadership skills and write about your future effort to develop your hometown country. I am not sure if these requirements are the same for you.

If so, the following are unnecessary. They have no direct relationship with your leadership or your future effort.

I was awarded a merit based full scholarship from ...

Also. Your examples can cut down many irrelevant details. You talked little about you (only the final sentence in the following example) but were talking about the characteristics of the association. This problem exists in almost all your examples written above.

The event was organized systematically and was well ...

Personal opinion for your reference
bonboncase   
Oct 21, 2015
Graduate / Brandeis MSF essay-Why are you interested and how will it help? [4]

Hi Louisa. One of my friend said the following sentence seems negative. I wonder if I need to revise this sentence. Thank you!

Aware of the importance of mathematics and programming skills, I chose the most difficult level for all mathematic lessons to compensate for my inadequate mathematic learning due to years of professional piano training

I am also getting confused with a grammar problem
"I found your MSF program is a good fit for me"
"I found your MSF program which is a good fit for me"
I can understand the second one is correct. The first one seems strange to me though. There are two working verbs. Is it wrong? Thank you!
bonboncase   
Oct 20, 2015
Writing Feedback / ESSAY HELP FOR ENGLISH 101 - a curiosity project for every week [4]

Hi Ali
Please specify your question instead of posting a essay topic here.
Obviously, this is an open topic essay and you can just pick something you are familiar with to begin writing. For example, your family story, your favorite place or food, your hometown and so on. Write a draft to express your ideas first instead of worrying about your English level.

Good luck.
bonboncase   
Oct 19, 2015
Graduate / Brandeis MSF essay-Why are you interested and how will it help? [4]

Hi everyone. If you have read my threads before you will know I am using my old examples again :P (Sorry about it but I am running out of time as 4 deadlines are coming in 10 days) Anyway. I will use blue font color for what's new. I believe the old parts have little problems as I have polish them a few times. Please help check the usage of words in the new parts first. Thanks a lot!

Topic:Why are you interested in this graduate program at Brandeis International Business School (IBS)? Please include how this degree will help you achieve your short- and long-term professional goals. (500-1000 words)

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The main reason I want to pursue further study at Brandeis is because the MSF of Brandeis is desirable for my interest in data-based finance. In search of master programs in finance curriculum that will build a solid expertise, I found your MSF program is a good fit for me. Its rigorous curriculum will not only equip me with strong theoretical foundation and a versatile skill set of financial markets analysis, but also enable me to apply the theoretical principles of finance in the modern financial arena.

I discovered my active interest in data analytics and finance during my undergraduate study. Before I completed any data processing classes, I already used Excel to predict the income of a hotel with a nonlinear model consisted of 5 variables (e.g. advertisement spending, room prices) in a National Business Simulation Competition. Aware of the importance of mathematics and programming skills, I chose the most difficult level for all mathematic lessons to compensate for my inadequate mathematic learning due to years of professional piano training. In the Management of Corporate Financial Risk class, I improved my programming skills while doing my class assignment of demonstrating Support Vector Machines (SVM) with an application. Rather than confining to the reference materials my teacher provided which only introduced the application of SVM on SPSS, I read a few books introducing machine learning with MATLAB and wrote some codes successfully to predict the return on investment using financial data in the past. After adding the factorial analysis of SPSS to my application of SVM, my final thesis about this application was published and included in the teaching materials of my teacher to help instruct other students.

I am looking forward to working with an investment management firm after graduating from Brandeis. I would be ready to help customers evaluate their business plans and provide investment advice by doing market research and synthesizing massive amounts of data. I am sure the well-rounded career services of Brandeis will guide me to my desired career. The career-oriented activities such as individual coaching sessions, professional development workshops and national career fairs will help bolster my academic and professional strengths. The relationships between Brandeis school's Career Strategies Center and the leading multi-national corporations and financial institutions maintains in every continent are very attractive to me as an international student.

Over the course of my career, I plan on becoming an economist with the aim of improving the Chinese financial system. My interest in the Chinese financial system was raised after attending Demystifying the Chinese Economy, a course taught by Justin Yifu Lin, the former Chief Economist and Senior Vice President of the World Bank. I learned that with limited channels available to raise capital, the Chinese financial system has yet to hit maturity to balance out the labor-intensive small and medium-sized firms which have a great comparative advantage in the world. As there is limited legal protection for private loans and numerous restrictions for commercial lending, bigger firms have greater ability to raise money from banks, enlarging the wage gap in China. This results in the limited flow of capital into the companies with the highest comparative advantage, decreasing the competitiveness of China to the world.

During my internship, I was struck again by the need to develop a more mature financial market. Even though I was in one of the biggest security companies in China, I learned that privately-raised company bond for small and medium enterprises, a product which Lin said would benefit the Chinese financial system, was a limited-release in testing phases. Also, when I tried to evaluate a firm using the Discounted Cash Flow (DCF) model, my senior colleagues told me that in real circumstances, human factors have a strong influence on the estimation. Thus, I am eager to learn how a fully developed financial market works in the US by continuing my studies at Brandeis International Business School.

After reading your curriculum description, I am particularly interested in examining the microstructure of markets and equity trading which will offer me essential insights into the world of professional finance. The great location of Waltham where lots of intern and work opportunities can be found is also appealing. I will have chances to have a deeper look into the US's financial market since interning, interviewing and working in Boston are within a close reach.

I am also excited to study at Brandeis, where a well-balanced student is highly valued.
Aside from my academic experiences, I am very active in many sport activities. As member of my university's swimming, badminton and tennis teams, I enjoyed competing with my teammates and I met many great friends in sport activities. I also took up a part time job playing the piano to keep my interest in art as my university does not have piano related activity. Knowing that Brandeis has a strong art and athletic atmosphere, I am especially interested in joining the tennis and swimming teams of Brandeis. I also hope I can show my highly-trained piano skills after entering Brandeis.

My undergraduate study has equipped me with a solid financial and quantitative skill set. With my strong interest in finance and my unstoppable pursuit for self-improvement, I believe I can quickly adapt to the rigorous curriculum of your program and display an outstanding academic performance afterwards.


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