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Posts by kerry2654
Name: Kerry-Ann
Joined: Oct 22, 2015
Last Post: Jan 13, 2016
Threads: 13
Posts: 37  
Likes: 12
From: United States of America

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kerry2654   
Jan 13, 2016
Scholarship / Contribution to Community - Studyblr [2]

Gates Millennium Scholarship
Word Count: 171

Discuss your involvement in and contributions to a community near your home, school or elsewhere. Please select an experience different from the one you discussed in the previous question, even if this experience also involved leadership. What did you accomplish? How did this experience influence your goals? (1000 words)

As a previously anxious junior constantly worrying about college, I needed support for the upcoming yet decisive months. Transitioning from mainly rigorous courses to only one in a semester prompted me to focus on receiving high grades and developing effective study habits for my difficult senior year. Thus, I created a Studyblr, a Tumblr dedicated to academic achievement as the online community attracted me with its emphasis on motivation. Through posting, I interacted with other students in similar situations such as with standardized testing. As I focused on achieving a good ACT score, I realized the lack of updated resources for the studying process. To both aid in informing others and my own organization, I began publishing a series of ACT resources. I consolidated a list of useful tips while adding my own experiences. Since then, I've received positive feedback from those who implemented my ideas. My initial goal upon joining Studyblr was to connect with others for study inspiration; yet, I realized that I could also solve issues for others.
kerry2654   
Jan 13, 2016
Undergraduate / Billionaire Boys Club - Common App Essay Prompt One HELP [5]

My name is Aric Fulton. I'm a 17 year old soon-to-be early graduate from Morton Senior High School in Hammond, IN. (no need to introduce yourself as they have your information)

I currently run my own street wear t-shirt (clothing) (redudant) line called "RVRE vision". RVRE vision is a street wear brand created and ran entirely by me. The design, creative direction, packing orders, promotion, and marketing; is all done by me.

All of my middle school days were rough times for me. I was attending a school whose students and faculty did not really value diversity and being different. These students who were not the "same" were rather labeled as outcasts. I was faced with bullies everyday. (why is this important?)

I got into design when I was in the eighth grade (how?).

This is such a creative background but you need to expand on this so much more. Start with the development of your t-shirt line (how did you get into design? why did you get into design? where did the idea of starting a line come from?) then talk about its status (is it successful? is it struggling?) then conclude with how that process has impacted you. Expand in detail because I know there's more to know then just that.
kerry2654   
Jan 13, 2016
Undergraduate / Carleton: recorder<math<computer science<language acquisition<linguistics/cognitive science<climbing [3]

Right now, you just state what you like that Carleton offers. They already know what they offer, they also want to know how that will help you in the future. Why are those things important to you? I think you should first with your encounter with the recorder professor then expand on your interests and how Carleton offers them then expand on how that is important
kerry2654   
Jan 13, 2016
Scholarship / Difficult problematic subjects - Gates Millennium Scholarship [7]

Gates Millennium Scholarship
Word Count: 446

Discuss the subjects in which you have had difficulty. What factors do you believe contributed to your difficulties? How have you dealt with them so they will not cause problems for you again? In what areas have you experienced the greatest improvement? What problem areas remain? (1000 words)

My sophomore year, I mistaken complacency for confidence; I foolishly convinced myself that my high honors abilities would prevail without effort needed. However, this resulted in no improvement and a low grade. In Accelerated Pre-Calculus, I never worked to my full potential as I believe I would never succeed. We began a chapter that I declared not suited for me; instead of simply asking for help, I detached myself from the class. I began spending the class period sleeping or on my phone, only paying attention two minutes before the bell. Though my teacher and my parents continually attempted to help, I let my insecurities guide me instead.

My goal after failing Accelerated Pre-Calculus was to build real confidence in my math abilities during my junior year. Beginning with regular Pre-Calculus, I focused on proving my work ethic. I reversed my sophomore year mistakes by applying better habits; I did my homework right away, studied well for quizzes and tests, and I used my class time wisely. Approaching my teacher to request advancing to AP Prep was the testament to my hard work.

AP Prep Pre-Calculus expanded my mind toward the subject with its challenges. I progressed by learning how to mature as a student; I became engaged by taking detailed notes, asking my teacher and peers for guidance, and honing my skills by doing practice tests during my off time. Rather than reverting to my previous stubborn attitude, I adjusted and showed continued improvement.

My immature mindset was also prevalent in French 3. Assuming that being a native French speaker was enough to pass the class, I forgoed my studies. I neglected my lack of french literacy skills by not paying enough attention in class. I also never practiced my vocabulary and verb conjugations while cramming shortly before for quizzes and tests. Though I dropped French as it couldn't fit my schedule, I accepted my issues with the language; I began speaking and texting my parents in French while asking them questions for clarifications.

From Accelerated Pre-Calculus and French 3, I came to realize that complacency kills. As I was so confident in my skills, I was unaware of my problem areas before it was too late and acceptance and laziness came as a result. With regular and AP Prep Pre-Calculus, I learned from my mistakes by adapting. Looking at everything I couldn't easily do as encouragement. I experimented with and implemented various studying habits. Though they're subjects that will always challenge me as I sometimes lack needed focus, I approach not only math and French, but all my classes, with a determination to succeed; not with high grades, but with insights to apply later.
kerry2654   
Jan 13, 2016
Scholarship / Discuss leadership experience - Gates Millennium [5]

Gates Millennium Scholarship
Word Count: 484

Discuss a leadership experience you have had in any area of your life: school, work, athletics, family, church, community, etc. How and why did you become a leader in this area? How did this experience influence your goals? (1000 words)

I joined my school's newspaper my junior year to enhance my writing skills. Journalism was a change from normal English classes, but I began mastering the concepts by using the other staff members as guidance. I asked for their feedback for my articles' structure, interview questions, and guidelines. Soon after I adjusted to journalism's environment, I approached my teacher with my career goals of becoming a publicist and asked how I could gain more knowledge in communications.

Returning to my school's newspaper for a second year, I was promoted to assistant editor-in-chief. I initially expected more responsibility after advancing to an experienced staff member; however, not a role this large. My primary tasks are reviewing articles' content and flow while copy editing for grammar and AP style.Though I was anxious accepting the position, I knew my teacher chose me because of my initiative. As an aspiring publicist, I began advocating for public relations lessons in our curriculum and a student relations committee to oversee the newspaper's promotions. Also, with my networking as a camera operator and non-sports representative for our broadcasting team, our newspaper has acquired community contacts. I realized that my efforts made me qualified.

I also realized that I had to approach my role with confidence, especially since the staff transitioned from veterans to mainly new students. With the new additions, mistakes were made. For example, in one news cycle, I found that three students plagiarized their articles. I was first suspicious by the off-topic writing and links to other websites during my first round of edits. Instructing the journalists about the severity of their actions, I hoped to resolve the issue calmly. However, at the final stage of edits, no changes were made. Though I was upset, I assumed they were overwhelmed by the challenging specifics and needed guidance. I met with the students to learn why they plagiarized so I could focus on clarifying and easing any concerns.

I joined my newspaper staff as the core of both journalism and my desired field of public relations is storytelling, analyzing, and conceptualizing ideas. As a journalist, I've began practicing such by writing to inform and presenting ideas. Becoming the assistant editor-in-chief has improved my analysis skills by teaching me how to read with a critical perspective. As a prospective publicist, I will have to examine solutions to implement the best solutions and write effectively to inform and persuade. Also, in journalism, I've learned how to communicate well by collaborating with the staff, my teacher, students, and the administration. In public relations, I'll use my communications skills as a liaison between my client and the media. With being a leader in the newspaper staff, I've combined consideration and self-assurance to delegate well; this is a feature that will aid in me being a proper publicist. Because journalism and public relations skills overlap, I've been able to develop proficiency for my future.
kerry2654   
Jan 13, 2016
Scholarship / My English classes. Subjects I've Excelled in - Gates Millennium [5]

Gates Millennium Scholarship
Word Count: 346

Discuss the subjects in which you excel or have excelled. To what factors do you attribute your success? (1000 words)

Freshman English and History seemed impossible; with standard-based grading, there was an immense amount of pressure as the highest grade possible meant you've exceeded the teacher's expectations. I knew my interests in the subjects weren't enough so I approached my work with an eagerness to learn. I frequently asked my teachers questions once faced with a challenge. While other students ignored the minor assignments as they didn't count, I used them as practice for major ones. Additionally, I supplemented my notes and readings with outside information to thoroughly understand the concepts. Knowing that it would relate to other classes and my future career, I focused on becoming a self-disciplined student.

This pattern continued until junior year. As American Studies English was my only weighted course first semester, I wanted to prove myself by growing as a writer. It took some time but I eventually learned that I needed to properly apply my skills of to my written work. Before writing, I used my teachers as guidance for planning. I also used classwork as practice for assessing readings. Every paper I found myself learning from my mistakes and adjusting my writing style to prevent recurring errors. Though I still spent hours staring at a prompt, I became confident with my writing.

I was afraid of my future actions after enrolling in regular American Studies History; accustomed to rigor, I felt that an easy A class would make me idle. In result, I focused on productivity. I collaborated with classmates to put key terms and concepts in simpler terms. I also aided other students with their classwork. Additionally, after class, I extended class discussions with my teacher. By the end of first semester, I found myself being an intuitive student in terms of responsibility.

In retrospect, I realized that making personal growth a goal in my English and History classes aids in success. I've developed qualities of an excellent student by possessing a determined attitude, acquiring better study habits, and reflecting on myself. Although impressing my teachers was a catalyst, I also gained motivation to enhance my abilities.
kerry2654   
Jan 6, 2016
Scholarship / Social justice, intersectional feminism, Congolese values. Acquired Knowledge Outside Class - Gates [3]

Kerry-Ann Lombela
Gates Millennium Scholarship
Word Count: 128

Other than through classes in school, in what areas (non-academic or academic) have you acquired knowledge or skills? How? (1000 words)

I initially enrolled in African-American History my sophomore year for a simple elective to fill my schedule. However, the course became one of my favorites. My teacher taught us beyond the curriculum to consider vast social issues. These topics were unfamiliar yet interesting so I began educating myself on social justice. Originally, I felt pressured by my parents to be a model Congolese child and follow our culture's traditional, social conservative values. Researching intersectional feminism was the basis of my newfound mindset. I began incorporating my Congolese values of love and maturity with a broader belief of acceptance. Educating myself further on these issues was the first step to defining my individuality and finding my voice. I learned to assert myself through a new passion in my beliefs.
kerry2654   
Jan 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / What do you think is the biggest environmental problems in VN? How can you solve the problem? [6]

Vietnam is on its way to becoming an industrial country; therefore, there will be negative effects on the environment, specifically water pollution which is our largest environmental problem.

Water pollution is any chemical, biological, or physical change in quantity that harms living organisms or desired uses (what do you mean by this?). Although our government has applied an environmental protection policy, water pollution keeps rising considerably. One direct cause is the industrial company (which? you mean industry but industrial industry would sound weird). They discharge toxic chemicals or raw sewage directly into the sea without regulation. For example, in Bac Ninh province, there are large amounts of untreatable (untreatable?) garbage, which leads to the pollution in water supply. Another cause of this matter is the backward living standard in the suburban areas. All the rubbish is not treated and thrown into the water. In this way the environment pollution will increase in severity.

Therefore the government and population should work together to protect the environment in the most effective way. To begin with people's attitude, they have to learn the importance of water in their life and simple methods to reduce water use and unnecessary wastage. The general public should also put efforts in planting trees and collecting all litters in their areas. While going to seas, rivers, or lakes, taking the precaution of not throwing waste into them is also important. By these ways with the participation of the whole society, whether or not the current situation of our environment is seriously negative, we can still keep the water environment friendly.

The main conclusion can be drawn from this discussion is that we learned the importance the water bring to us, therefore one individual has to be aware of it and determined to fight against the pollution.

I liked it but you should be clearer in your statements.
kerry2654   
Jan 6, 2016
Scholarship / Goals - finish high school with high grades, be accepted to my top three schools, and attend college [3]

I know I still need to expand on a lot of details but I don't know what I should write about for those.

Gates Millennium Scholarship
Word Count: 325

Discuss your short and long-term goals. Are some of them related? Which are priorities?(1000 words)

There are only four respectable career choices for a Congolese child: a doctor, a lawyer, an engineer, or a nurse. My father appointed the law field for me when I was in elementary school hoping to plan my future early. I complied with his wishes to avoid arguing but I could see myself considering another career path.

My seventh grade career project reinforced the presence of my arranged future. As students, our goal was to research our dream job before presenting it in three weeks' time. The first assignment was a career inventory test to choose a career from our results. I selected a lawyer; it ranked high in my results so it appeared to be fate. However, research concluded that I lacked the needed enthusiasm for a project concerning law practice. By my teacher's suggestion, I called upon my personality traits for career ideas. I'm an analytical person who researches and explores options for decision making. I enjoy creating flexible, innovative solutions for problems. Self-expression through both writing and visual elements displays my full abilities. These characteristics reminded me of a description of a publicist in a recent novel I read, Secrets of My Hollywood Life by Jen Calonita. I then realized public relations matched my desired field for my project.

My interests in communications and the entertainment industry, specifically the music industry, prompted me to choose music public relations as my career goal. As entertainment media evolves, the public's perception shifts negatively. I want to shape the portrayal of the entertainment industry as positive to aid in enjoyment. Also, as my ultimate goal is a public relations executive for a record label, I hope to broadcast awareness of underrated artists.

In college, I plan to major in either Public Relations or Communications while supplementing my studies with entertainment-based electives. Also, for a more realistic perspective of entertainment communications, I plan to intern heavily for credit and possibly study abroad to Los Angeles to both intern and network.

Transitioning to college, I envision myself becoming a well-rounded individual. Who I am now is someone who needs improvement in certain areas. Despite flourishing in social settings, I hesitate in approaching them as an introvert; I barely attempt to join new experiences because I feel secure in my comfort zone. Recently, I had the opportunity to be a featured high school writer for a college prep blog; yet, I declined the offer because I felt the pressure was too much for me. I know that in college I'll need to develop skills to engage confidently with others. I hope to push myself to take more initiative by finding a dedicated school activity. Activities such as the programming board, where I hope to become a Public Relations Director, would allow me to expand myself both socially and professionally; I will venture outside my comfort zone by combining my career interest with pursuing a leadership position. Also, although I'm a socially aware person, my input in the social justice movement has been minimal. I plan to reverse this by engaging in organizations that advocate for marginalized groups.

There are only four respectable career choices for a Congolese Kerry-Ann: one that I am passionate about, one that I love, one that makes me happy, and one that makes me feel whole.
kerry2654   
Jan 6, 2016
Undergraduate / Moving from one country to another is a life changing experience [11]

... to experience many new aspects in life; however, moving from ...
Many people immigrate to have a better life, yet some move ...

It was not easy for us ...
... but in the end, God (mentioning religion might be controversial) had better plans for me.

- This paragraph doesn't flow well since you seem to repeat a lot of things.

The biggest difference obstacle that I encountered upon arriving in the ...

Another difference obstacle that I faced was ...
I do not remember talking to any female students throughout my during high school in Pakistan.

- "While American schools are based on co-education which is why I did not have core group of friends during my first year of college." - where is the rest of the sentence?

- how did you assimilate and become more comfortable?

Communicating in English is a crucial ...
... helped me to boost my confidence.

- The sentences sound very awkward. Expand on how your teachers helped. What did you do to boost your confidence?

At the end, people move from one place to another to explore more opportunities (you said this in the first paragraph, reword it), yet it takes a lot of effort and sacrifices to stand firm and make moves (make moves? what are you trying to say?)

- This paragraph sounds awkward as well. What are you trying to say? Also, what is the prompt?
kerry2654   
Jan 3, 2016
Undergraduate / 'I saw a future for me at Boston University' - College of Communications - Why BU? [2]

I want to speak about the tour for my first paragraph and I know it sounds awkward. What can I say to make it better?

Boston University Supplement
Word Count: 233

In no more than 250 words, please tell us why BU is a good fit for you and what specifically has led you to apply for admission.

Walking through the Boston University campus, I forgot to be the model prospective student. Others asked questions and wrote notes while I stayed quiet. Using reviews and rankings as guidance, I developed my preliminary college list junior year from schools for public relations; Recommendations for Boston University emphasized its College of Communication recognition so I placed it on my pending list. However, I wanted the tour to confirm my decision. Placing myself in my tour guide's accounts, I saw a future for me at Boston University.

I was initially engaged by the College of Communication as it emphasizes a challenging curriculum. An intense, high-quality education secures the effectiveness of my future expertise. The mass communications foundation will ensure my versatility in communications while the public relations specialization will concentrate my communications skills to my desired field. Also, unique to Boston University is their Los Angeles semester with a public relations track. As an aspiring entertainment publicist, I look forward to Entertainment Promotion (COM CM 564) and Entertainment Marketing (COM CM 563); these courses will enhance my understanding of entertainment communications to prepare for my career goals. Furthermore, the College of Communications will allow me to explore the world of public relations through its internship and networking opportunities in PRLab and the semester in Los Angeles. Through the hands-on experiences, I will graduate equipped with expanded knowledge and a more realistic perspective of communications.
kerry2654   
Jan 3, 2016
Undergraduate / Intellectual vitality. Does the core of the essay reflect what Stanford is looking for? [6]

... I had no intention of doing anything with it but play flash games and do schoolwork.

And thus I began my foray (venture?) into the computing world. I had everything to gain and nothing to lose from this costless device...
I trawled (?) the Internet in my search, and found an information saturated (sounds weird) world to explore.
In particular, programming intrigued me; it was like teaching ...

I like your essay but you use some words that sound a bit weird then again I don't know how you speak
kerry2654   
Jan 1, 2016
Undergraduate / "Computer Science in an art" - Cornell CAS Supplement [3]

Computer science is an art. It is as if you are the artist and the computer the canvas, although equipped with such simple tools, the products of Computer science are endless . With the user (?) as the artist and the computer ...

With just the right level of ingenuity, one is able to bends the behaviors of technology in their favor to achieve great feats in programming and beyond. - This sounds like an extension of the 1st paragraph

One aspect of computer science I have come to savor (this sounds weird, why can't you just enjoy or love?) is its multifaceted nature. Without a rigid path of study (without intense schooling? what do yo mean), I have been able to enjoy various fields of study on virtually everything (subjects?) from aeronautics to video game development.

Strewed (sounds off) with research groups centered around everything from Bitcoin mining to medical imaging, the School of Arts and Sciences would offer ... - expand on why exploring multiple interests is important for you

Every computer scientist knows that their most valuable assets are their ability to think creatively and their ability to intertwine that creativity with those of others (collaborate?). In my personal experience, I have found that I reach my creative peak (?) when collaborating with others possessing completely different thought processes.

This essay has a lot of weird wording, it sounds very rigid? I'm not sure how to describe but you give a lot of detail for descriptions yet it lacks some substance.
kerry2654   
Dec 31, 2015
Undergraduate / Public relations in the music industry, entertainment leaders, work experience - Why Syracuse essay [11]

Who or what influenced you to apply to Syracuse University? (250 words)

As an aspiring entertainment publicist, I researched the top schools for communications my junior year. I knew I needed a broad communications degree then work experience to prepare for my future career. However, I hoped for a entertainment media concentration. It would eliminate the need for supplementary entertainment-based electives so I could immediately immerse myself in my field. More research led me to become attracted to Syracuse University for its Bandier Program that specializes in communications in the music industry. As my ultimate aspiration is becoming a public relations executive for a record label, the Bandier program matches my exact career goals.

I was initially engaged by the Bandier Program as it emphasizes a challenging curriculum and a prestigious name. An intense, high quality education secures the effectiveness of my future expertise. Accompanied by Syracuse's renowned S.I Newhouse School of Public Communications, I'm assured that my communication skills will be developed thoroughly. The Bandier Program will allow me to delve into the world of entertainment media through its internship and networking opportunities. Through the hands-on experiences presented by the Entertainment Industry Practicum (RAE 408) and semesters in Los Angeles and London, I will have the opportunity to graduate armed with expanded knowledge of the industry, and a more realistic perspective of music communications.
kerry2654   
Dec 31, 2015
Undergraduate / I want to become the best version of myself. Dream Person/ How can Syracuse help? [2]

This is just a start but the direction I want to go in is how Syracuse's community would help me express myself better.

Syracuse University Supplement 2
Word Count: 169

Who is the person you dream of becoming and how do you believe Syracuse University can help you achieve this? (250 words)

I want to become the best version of myself. Someone who is fearless. Someone who takes advantage of every opportunity. Someone who ventures outside of their comfort zone. In high school, I limited myself by focusing too much on my personal and academic regrets. How I should've never gained so much weight. How I should've learned how to drive earlier. How I should've dressed better. How I should've never failed a class. How I should've taken AP classes junior year. How I should've gotten at least a 30 on the ACT. I never grew by holding myself back and living in the past.

Now, I plan to move forward at Syracuse University. Initially I assumed that a large university wasn't the best for my reserved personality; however, I realized college life is what you make of it. With Syracuse University's various activities and especially as an aspiring music communications major, social interaction is inevitable. Syracuse's lively community aims to involve everyone so I shouldn't be afraid to expand myself.
kerry2654   
Dec 30, 2015
Undergraduate / 'Go-to person//close confidant'--GW Supplement [8]

Honest, positive, and authentic are just some words that I immediately think of about my best friend Adi.

When we were co-Junior Advisors in the same dorm ...
This is confusing, what do you mean?

She always helps me take a step back and look at the situation from the outside looking in .
kerry2654   
Dec 29, 2015
Undergraduate / Public relations in the music industry, entertainment leaders, work experience - Why Syracuse essay [11]

Syracuse University Supplement 1
Word Count: 206

Who or what influenced you to apply to Syracuse University? (250 words)

[...]
Accompanied by Syracuse's renowned S.I Newhouse School of Public Communications, I'm assured that my communication skills are developed thoroughly. Also, the Bandier Program's recognition aids in networking and interning. Though courses will expand my knowledge, hands-on experiences present a more realistic perspective of music communications. Offerings such as potential internships required for Entertainment Industry Practicum (RAE 408) and semesters in Los Angeles and London show the potential environment of my work after graduation
kerry2654   
Dec 29, 2015
Undergraduate / Past Shaped World View/ Plans at AU expand it [4]

American University Supplement
Word Count: 92

How has your past shaped your world view and what will you plan to do at AU to expand it? (100 words)

Living as an unconventional Congolese daughter and Black-American female, I felt confined by stereotypes. Though they insulted me, through bias, I subconsciously began restricting others with labels. By becoming aware of social justice, I rejected stereotypes and embraced my and others' individualities.

My plan during my undergraduate years at American University is to implement programs on campus that recognize and project marginalized groups' opinions and beliefs. I will do so by participating in The Darkening. I know the experience of exclusion so I plan to promote acceptance and inclusion at American University.
kerry2654   
Dec 29, 2015
Undergraduate / Common App (Background): "I finally woke up after hitting the snooze button..." [5]

I finally woke up afterH itting the snooze button for the third time, groggilyI walked to the dresser, grabbed random pieces of clothing,and dressed rather haphazardly, and. I slumped down at the kitchen ...

My pace quickened as I checked the clock; I brushed my teeth, tossed the homework into my backpack, and packed lunch, hollered.

"Ikuyo!"-"let's go!"-I hollered to my sister, andto go as I raced to the car. It was the typical Saturday morning routine.; as I let out a sigh of relief, the car began on its usual journey.

I gazed out of the car window, seeing the scenery changing from the familiar ...
The sky painted its dark blue canvas into a soft red,with the side mirror deflecting its vibrant rays. I felt nothing special, though; after all,since I watched the same sunrise from the same car window on my way to Hoshuko-San Francisco Japanese School- every Saturday for 11 years.

[...] I wanted to participate in more school events, sports, and extracurriculars. At the end, though,However , I never regretted making the choice ...

... I created over the years of Hoshuko;. M y classmates, who ...
... quit Hoshuko and bade farewell;. M y teachers, who made efforts to ...
... try my best even at the worst of times;. T he cultural festival, ...
... exhilarating satisfaction with my class;. A nd finally, the school trip ...

I liked the essay but do you have any specific memories or stories from Hoshuko? That'll be nice to tell.
kerry2654   
Dec 29, 2015
Undergraduate / Defining of happiness - GW Supplement: "experiences outside the classroom correlates with success" [3]

Nearly two years ago I sat in a room with fifteen other teenagers at a youth conference. We went around the room and shared what we wanted to do with our lives and where we saw ourselves in twenty years. Feeling confident about my plans, I stood up first and shared that I wanted to go to law school to become a lawyer. The boy next to me wanted to become an engineer and the girl next to him a doctor. Each student took their turn and shared his or her aspirations and goals.

After the last person finished, the counselor stood up and pointed out that not one of us had said that happiness was a goal for their life . I began to imagine my life as a lawyer and quickly realized that I had no passion for law. Although I could potentially make plenty of money, I could never truly be happy as a lawyer. How could I have crafted this elaborate plan for my life without once considering my happiness?

It was at this moment that I realized that success is not defined by how much money you make, but rather, whether or not you pursued your passion. I had nearly made the mistake of sacrificing my happiness for a false ideal of success. From this simple activity I learned that true success has no correlation to monetary value, true success is the ability to reminisce over your life without regrets. Success is to be happy.

What is your career goal now? I say address the first option the previous answer gave.
kerry2654   
Dec 29, 2015
Undergraduate / MY WHOLEHEARTED RESPONSE - WHY DAVIDSON? COLLEGE ESSAY [3]

With a Why Us? essay, it's better to match your wants in a college to what the school offers. You attempt this with small class sizes, student organizations, study abroad programs, yet it sounds like I'm reading the college's website. What student organizations are you interested in? What about the leadership you concluded with? What are leadership experiences you want to do? Why do you want to study abroad and specifically where? You mention the neuroscience and computer science programs, why is it good that they're interdisciplinary? I say be more specific with your wants.
kerry2654   
Dec 23, 2015
Undergraduate / Public relations in the music industry, entertainment leaders, work experience - Why Syracuse essay [11]

Syracuse University Supplement 1
Word Count: 250

Who or what influenced you to apply to Syracuse University? (250 words)

As an aspiring entertainment publicist, I want an entertainment media program that offers interdisciplinary studies for public relations and the music industry. I've developed basic promotion skills as a Student Relations member for my school's newspaper and I plan to expand and connect them with the music industry. Courses such as Music Industry and the Media (MUI 305) and Social Media for the Music Business (RAE 404) would provide me knowledge in effective music promotion and its application in the evolving media industry.

I also want a program that presents a realistic perspective of the music industry. I've acquired understanding of the entertainment industry as an avid fan of musical artists; however, much of that is possible fantasy. Visits from executives for Music Industry Forum and Soyars Leadership Lecture Series (MUI 310) would provide me insight on how the music industry truly functions while addressing any speculations I have.

I want a program that encourages entertainment industry work experience. In January, I will intern at a local online publication and I plan to continue media experience, specializing in entertainment, in college. Offerings such as Music and Entertainment Industry Student Association, Entertainment Industry Practicum (RAE 408), semesters in Los Angeles and London, and University Union would prepare me for my future in public relations by giving me hands-on experiences.

My desired college program emphasizes on public relations in the music industry, input from entertainment industry leaders, and excessive work experience. Thus, I was attracted to Syracuse University for the Bandier Program.
kerry2654   
Dec 19, 2015
Scholarship / My English classes. Subjects I've Excelled in - Gates Millennium [5]

Gates Millennium Scholarship
Word Count: 232

Discuss the subjects in which you excel or have excelled. To what factors do you attribute your success? (1000 words)

Actions speak louder than words. However, for me now, it's opposite. Through my English classes, words have given me the opportunity to grow. I wasn't always this fond of English because of its difficulty but that was a reason for my growth. My freshman year, the constant stress of writing annoyed me. Writing a paper was ž staring at the prompt trying to figure out what to talk about and ź writing only to redo it again and again. The constant mediocre papers frustrated me as I couldn't figure out how to grow as a writer. I learned that year how to be engaged and listen to my teacher and use them for guidance. Sophomore year, however, I changed. I learned what to get out of English classes to progress: practice. Every paper I learned from my mistakes and experimented by straying from my basic format. Though I still spent hours staring at a prompt, I became confident with my writing abilities. Junior year, with English being my only weighted class first semester, I felt pressured to excel in it. With the intimidation of my first essay prompt, I knew it was going to be a long year. The class was challenging so I adapted to the class with each successive essay. I combined my newly acquired skills of being engaged and practiced applying my skill and therefore grew as a writer.
kerry2654   
Dec 19, 2015
Scholarship / Meaningful activities / Study plan - SCHOLARSHIP ESSAY FOR YAKE UNIVERSITY [2]

All of these essays seem like free write lists to the prompt. Try to structure it in paragraph form so they'll flow better.

ACTIVITIES THAT WAS MOST MEANINGFUL TO YOU
- introduce the fact that you're a tutor and what you do then expand what it means to you - how does it benefit you as a person? what do you get out of it?

WHAT DO YOU PLAN TO STUDY AT YAKE UNIVERSITY? WHAT CAREER ARE YOU PURSING AT THIS POINT AND WHY?
- introduce your background in math then connect that to the major at Yake and what career you'd pursue
kerry2654   
Dec 19, 2015
Scholarship / Difficult problematic subjects - Gates Millennium Scholarship [7]

Thank you for help @smunozas23 and @vangiespen! I tried to expand more with this draft.

Gates Millennium Scholarship
Word Count: 387

Discuss the subjects in which you have had difficulty. What factors do you believe contributed to your difficulties? How have you dealt with them so they will not cause problems for you again? In what areas have you experienced the greatest improvement? What problem areas remain? (1000 words)

Though I excelled in math enough to advance a year ahead, I relied on a false sense of confidence to manage high grades. "Confidence" plus stubbornness prevented any effort to study, ask for help, and do my homework properly. I faced my insecurities in 8th grade with Accelerated Geometry. Its difficulty required extra effort yet I convinced myself that my abilities that placed me on a high honors level would be proven in the end. Both 6th grade Pre-Algebra and 7th grade Algebra began as a challenge, but overtime I improved without changing my habits. Mistaking complacency for confidence, I foolishly repeated such for another year; however, it resulted in no improvement thus a low grade. My immature mindset continued sophomore year in Accelerated Pre-Calculus. Believing that I would never succeed in the class, I never worked to my fullest ability. My insecurities focused more on what I couldn't do than what I could do so I gave up.

My goal after failing Accelerated Pre-Calculus was to build real confidence in math my junior year. Beginning at regular Pre-Calculus first semester, I focused on proving my work ethic. I reversed my sophomore year mistakes by applying better habits; I did my homework right away, studied well for quizzes and tests, and used my class time wisely. Approaching my teacher to request advancing to AP Prep was testament of my hard work.

AP Prep Pre-Calculus second semester expanded my open-mindedness toward the subject with its challenges. I progressed by learning how to mature as a student; I became engaged by taking detailed notes, asking my teacher and peers for guidance, and practicing with non-homework problems. Rather than reverting to my previous stubborn attitude, I adjusted thus I improved.

From Accelerated Geometry and Accelerated Pre-Calculus, I've realized that complacency kills. As I was so confident in my skills, I was unaware of my problem areas before it was too late and acceptance and laziness came as a result. With regular and AP Prep Pre-Calculus, I learned from my mistakes by adapting. Looking at everything I couldn't easily do as encouragement, I experimented with and implemented various studying skills. Though it's a subject that will always challenge me, I approach not only math, but all classes, with determination to succeed; not with high grades, but with insights to apply later.
kerry2654   
Dec 18, 2015
Undergraduate / Leadership, service and progress - The motto of Georgia Tech. [12]

To me that possibility is the ultimate satisfaction.

That is exactly what I've been doing over the past year:programming a hexacopter to ...
I've been working with a team of engineers and hell/indeed- I don't understand this part, one could say that working ...

I think you could introduce what got you into engineering outreach programs -Upon joining an engineer based student organization, I've volunteered for multiple engineering outreach programs. My part of the service contribution consists of directing crowds, transporting supplies and my favorite, presenting why and what makes engineering is an amazing choice. and the mind-blowing feats one could achieve in this field.

Leading a group to victory is fulfilling , not solely because of said victory but rather because of your leading command.
kerry2654   
Dec 18, 2015
Undergraduate / "Organized chaos" - Stanford mini essay 250 words: Future roommate [3]

Organized chaos is definition of myour future room. One moment, you'll see randomly scattered books and a blanket hanging off my bed like a curtain.- add another example of the clutter

The next moment, however, you'll wonder whether room service paid us a surprise visit. It will be spic and spam.- add an example of the cleanliness.

One moment I could either be engrossed in the implications and applications of what I have learned or . The next I will be asking you which of life's mysteries we should ponder over a bag of crisps.

I think you should focus a lot more on what kind of roommate you'll be rather than talking about the room. Also, I'm not sure how you speak normally, but some words just sound like synonyms of commonly used ones. Try to sound more comfortable.
kerry2654   
Dec 11, 2015
Scholarship / Difficult problematic subjects - Gates Millennium Scholarship [7]

Gates Millennium Scholarship
Word Count: 309

Discuss the subjects in which you have had difficulty. What factors do you believe contributed to your difficulties? How have you dealt with them so they will not cause problems for you again? In what areas have you experienced the greatest improvement? What problem areas remain? (1000 words)

Confidence is a good and bad thing with academics. As school work came easily for me, I became confident and progressed in my achievements. From being in a gifted program in elementary school to taking honors classes in middle school to doing the same in high school. But it had a consequence: I relied on my confidence rather than adapting to the challenges. This consequence took its course through math. In 8th grade, I struggled with Accelerated Geometry yet never made a complete effort in trying to get a better grade. It was a difficult subject yet I never attempted to ask for help or put in more effort. I just accepted my grade. Though freshman year Algebra II was better. I still never asked for help. In 10th grade, I was still insecure in my full abilities with math. I failed Accelerated Pre-Calculus my sophomore year with an immature mindset. I slept in class, ignored the homework, and failed every test. I again accepted that I would never succeed in the class so I didn't study enough and work to my fullest ability. After failing the class, the first thing I did go into junior year was build my confidence with Pre-Calculus by beginning at regular then proving my work ethic and moving up to AP Prep. I progressed by learning how to mature as a student. To stop being immature and know the breadth of my abilities. When I went to AP Prep, I learned from my sophomore year mistakes by reaching out for help when I didn't understand, by doing the homework right away, and studying for quizzes and tests. I experienced the greatest improvement in my mindset toward math. Though it's a subject that will always challenge me, I learned not to give up or struggle in silence. Each test is encouragement to do better.
kerry2654   
Dec 11, 2015
Scholarship / Discuss leadership experience - Gates Millennium [5]

Gates Millennium Scholarship
Word Count: 264

Discuss a leadership experience you have had in any area of your life: school, work, athletics, family, church, community, etc. How and why did you become a leader in this area? How did this experience influence your goals? (1000 words)

I joined my school's newspaper during my junior year to build a solid foundation of writing skills. Journalism was a change from normal English classes but I adapted. As a journalist, I began writing with purpose, presenting ideas, meeting deadlines, and connecting with my audience.

By becoming adjusted to the new environment, I sought other roles with more responsibility. I approached my teacher with my career goals and how I could gain more experience within the course. Being a member of the student relations committee has improved my communication skills. My primary role as a liaison between the administration and students is planning and advertising events. This taught me how to collaborate and compromise to accomplish tasks. Being a camera operator has improved my media literacy skills. My primary role as a broadcaster is streaming board meeting to the community by filming. This has taught me how to network and expand my media handling field. My senior year, I became an editor and copy editor. Being an editor improved my analyzing skills. My primary role as an editor is assisting the editor-in-chief with editing with content and flow. This has taught me how to read with a different perspective. Being a copyeditor has improved my grammar and journalism skills. My primary role as a copy editor is editing for grammar and AP style. This has taught me how to read with a different perspective.

The core of both journalism and my desired field of public relations is storytelling, analyzing, and conceptualizing ideas. An education in journalism both prepared and expanded my public relations expertise.
kerry2654   
Dec 11, 2015
Undergraduate / International Baccalaureate courses Classes -- Why Macalester essay [2]

Sure, International Baccalaureate courses may be challenging, but it' s real benefit is its international intellectuality students gather throughout their high school years. - This is worded kind of confusing. How about saying something like IB courses may be challenging but it results in.. (something about academics) (then introduce what it does for diversity)

When I chose my junior year classes, I thought about where I wanted to go. I know I wanted to go to a college with a diverse student body. I wanted to go to a institution where student' s aren't just going in to learn, but to broaden their perspectives, to question their governments, and to question the world.

I like the main points that you have but I think with a Why X essay you should write about more than one point about the school. One good tip I've learned is to write down what you want in a school and what that school has to offer that you like. Diversity is fine though. You could maybe just expand on what Macalester offers for you to contribute to the diversity, such as something for international students.

Sorry if my response seems messy and confusing.
kerry2654   
Dec 11, 2015
Undergraduate / Being the Biggest Brother - Personal Statement - My world [3]

While I was sitting around the table on the first morning of the New Lunar Year with my whole family, I noticed that people change over time. They get older. Once a young college freshman is now holding her newborn and singing lullaby. A beautiful wife who once carried me on her back is now a pensioner with freckles on her face. Time is going by. - could you add more examples of how your family changed? or does the word count limit you?

I feel like you can expand more, especially in the second paragraph. What is being the first born like? What are the exact obstacles you face? How does being the first born translate to you wanting to be a storyteller?

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