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Posts by M3L1
Name: Meliana
Joined: Nov 3, 2015
Last Post: Dec 7, 2015
Threads: 26
Posts: 6  
Likes: 11
From: Indonesia
School: Petra

Displayed posts: 32
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M3L1   
Dec 7, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2 - The rise of crime rate and how to prevent it. [NEW]

Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?

It has been decades that criminality rose significantly in many countries and every year the rate increases continually. It can be seen that most of the criminals are unhappy and stressed people. However, there are solutions to prevent the rising of criminal activities.

There are lots of news about criminal activities on the media recently such as robbery, mugging, juvenile delinquency, murder, and etc. These activities have caused a lot of detriments to others. However, the delinquents confess that they commit robbery and mugging because they are jobless. The monetary crisis has caused plenty of people discharged from their job. On the other hand, some children take in part juvenile crime because they come from a broken family. Their parents are too busy doing their career and leave their children without surveillance. Therefore, they got influence from wrong people and took part to be a gangster. As they grow older, these bad influences are changed them to be severe people. Some of them might be involved in plundering with homicide and rape.

Nevertheless, to minimize the future criminality governments should urge the society to take care of their children with warmth and love condition, by media and parents' education. Teachers also have a very essential role to teach their students about respect and share. If children have a happy life on their childhood, they are likely to grow to be someone who has a good morality. Furthermore, governments should give job fields to unemployment people. If there are less idleness, there will be less crime rate.

To sum up, the increment of crime rate is everyone's responsibility. The crime schemes are from a broken family which widened to be a lot of acts of delinquency. I believe if parents do their roles to be a loving and good figure for their kids, most of the youngsters will be a good and useful person.
M3L1   
Dec 7, 2015
Writing Feedback / ACAD IELTS TASK 2 - Many people worry about the growing number of obese children [4]

Hi Liz, welcome to EF. Nice to see you upload your essay here. All I can say is, we all learning to get better in writing. Do not hesitate to give your feed back to others to.

I like your idea, however this is an IELTS writing. We need to be more formal here and make all your sentences that way. For your introduction, I want to rewrite it with my words but with your idea and I hope it will help you. Here it goes..

They say that the generation of today is way different than before. There are a lot ...

People are worried about the increasing number of obese children in the world wide. However, before the high technology affects on people lifestyle, they tend to be healthier and proportional in shape. I believe that sophisticated technology influence children to play with gadgets than do outdoor activities. In my opinion, both parents and teachers should be responsible to this issue.

It seems that you mentioned that parents are the only one who responsible with the issue. How about someone else like teachers and governments, your essay might be complete.
M3L1   
Dec 5, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1 - The lost of heat because of air leaks [NEW]

The diagram shows a house with a heater which is wasted its energy because the exterior air come into the house from the cavities. Due the air circulation, the temperature become mild. Overall, it can be seen that the fresh air has pushed the heat up to the second floor and out through roof vent.

In the basement, the wind blows into from the dryer vent and windows in the washing room. The installation of the outdoor faucet has left a small cavity where a light breeze can pass into the crawl space.However, on the first floor the air leaked in from electrical outlet in the bathroom. In the kitchen it flows through the fan vent and a window, while in the living room a cold draught of air blew in from the open door and the window.

The heater distribute its heat to all rooms in the house. Nevertheless, the breeze which flow into the house has pushed the heat up to the second floor. It is thus clear that all the warm air exit to the roof through the cavity of recessed lights and attic hatch and chased out to atmosphere via bathroom fan and plumbing stack vents.




M3L1   
Dec 5, 2015
Writing Feedback / The easiest way to convert salt water into drinking water (IELTS) [3]

Hello Syafira, nice to meet you here on EF. Let's learn together to be a better writer for Ielts. I want to suggest you to write three sentences for introduction. I hope you always write at least 3 sentences in each paragraphs, that's the requirement. :)

I will help you with the introduction. Hope it helps! Good luck!

The given diagram describes a relatively simple sea water desalination process to produce the fresh water by a device called floating solar still. The salty water will be neutralized by heating and turn it into steam . Overall, the device is powered by the solar thermal energy which continuou sly energizes the sea water to evaporate its pure water subs tances.
M3L1   
Dec 4, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2 - Renewable energy is difficult to replace the fossil fuels [2]

Alternative energy sources that use the natural power of the wind, waves and sun are too expensive and complicated to replace the coal, oil and gas that we use to power our cities and transport.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?


In the massive development era today, the world has already attained a new method to replace fossil fuels to renewable energy that is provided by nature like sun, wind and waves. Some argue that the natural power station cost too much money to construct and too complex which mean the non-renewable energy is difficult to be replaced to energize the cities and transport. It is true that to actualized the power plant would be very expensive and confusing, nevertheless there are possibilities to make it happen.

Recently the world is facing the energy crisis, the fossil fuels will be exhausted in about 50 years ahead if people do not replace it to something else. Some researchers and scientists had found the alternatives energy sources for this issue. With a well-developed technology exists several countries have already constructed and established the natural power station such as solar panels, wind turbines and wave energy machines. They believe that the natural resource are renewable and continually generate energy for human needs. However, the major problem are not all part of the country can use the natural power, some of them are still burn coals. It is because to distribute all of the electricity to all buildings will need a very long cable to be laid underground which cost a huge amount of money.

On the other hand, governments can start to supply solar panels to be installed on the street lamps and public train hoods. This first step is able to save energy at least in the city lighting and one of the public transport. Governments can also persuade their citizens to use solar panels on their roof, therefore the use of gas can be reduced. As well as on the countryside, wind turbines and wave energy machines can be installed. If all people would like to cooperate with their government to develop their country, the cost to establish the power plants will be paid off together.

To sum up, people find difficulties to actualized the natural power station on their country to supplant the fossil fuels, the main reason is the huge expenses. I believe with a small start and fundraising from the citizens, the stations can be developed.
M3L1   
Dec 2, 2015
Writing Feedback / Media brings solutions for communication problems - IELTS task 2 [2]

The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the sophisticated world today, we have attained a situation where technologies are incredibly advancing. There are many electronic devices that are used by people to help them in terms of communication with others in the long distance. While some argue that these media has drawbacks on people relationship, I believe they could find solutions to solve this problem.

There are plenty of applications and modern equipment to help people in their lives recently. In developed countries this phenomenon is no longer foreign, most of the population has these exceptional devices to communicate with others. The advance technology allows people to have connection in wireless fidelity which provides a wide connection to the world. They are able to speak, to write or to video calls with others without charge in the exact time as theirs. While this condition seems very helpful for people lives, in other situations like at home, people who has spent a lot of time with their gadgets will abandon their family members. There will be emotional distance between them, because they are engaged to their gadgets and addicted to it.

Results of social observation in several media showed that people who spend most of their time on electronic media become indifferent and ignore the neighbors around them. However, there are some solutions to overcome these negative effects. People need to assign a priority on their lives in terms of relationship between others. They have to set time for their families to gather and have a face to face communication, by contact with them and have full attention without using gadgets. The real world in more important than cyberspace. As much as possible people should spend most of their time with the people they care about.

In conclusion, indeed sophisticated communication devices are needed yet also affect on people personal relationships. Nevertheless, if they could devote more time and attention to their family, this problem can be resolved.
M3L1   
Dec 2, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 - The essential skills for external and internal in communication [3]

The table below gives the results of two surveys, in 1997 and 2006, in which people were asked which communication skills were essential in their jobs.

The results of two surveys about communication skills that were important at work in 1997 and 2007 was shown on the table. There are two kind of communication where the certain skills are needed, the external and internal area. Overall, the results show that the demographic in 2006 experienced increment than in the first survey in almost all of the skills.

At the external area, there are four skills that people think very important. To persuade customers, they should have dealing capability. The figure show that this gift is the most important than the others, presented at 65% in 2006 which increased five percent than the other year. People who has knowledge of particular products or services ability is the next highest substantial which witnessed 6% increment while the ability of advising or caring for customers is rose to 39%. The selling a product service talent is the least important, the proportion is 3% lessened from the previous year.

In the company, people usually have communication with their colleagues and other staffs in terms of their job. Some believe that people who are able to listening carefully to their colleagues are very important, the survey shows 9% increment than 1997. The second highest skill is instructing or training people, the proportion raise 5%. Furthermore, employees with the capability to analyse problems together with others is depicted almost half of the listening ability as well as the persuading or influencing skill, which rated at the third and fourth positions. However, planning the activities and making presentations potentials are both double and triple times lesser than instructing talent.




M3L1   
Nov 30, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1 - El Nino conditions bring about climate change in Australia and Peru [2]

The diagrams show the contrast climate change in Australia and Peru with and without El Nino conditions in the Pacific ocean. Overall, it can be seen that El Nino affects the weather in both countries. It is also affecting on crops in Australia and the number of fish in Peru.

On the normal conditions, Australia has a good rainfall and this climate is the best to cultivate crops because the wind which blew from west Pacific ocean is weak. In Peru, the east Pacific wind trades are strong which cause the cool water has more nutrients for fishes. In this cool water, fishes will have a plenty of food and increase their number.

As El Nino pushed eastwards by the strong winds from west Pacific, the warm water filled the Pacific ocean. On this situation Australia will experience drought. The fields are dried out and the plants died while the warm water which is lack of nutrients will decrease the number of fish and cause a lot of rainfall in Peru.




M3L1   
Nov 30, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2 - The idea to impose a higher tax on fast food [NEW]

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. Do you agree or disagree?

Recently, fast food caused health problems to people who ate it too much. Some believe that government should take a necessary action regarding this issue, such as impose a higher tax on fast food. I believe that imposition tax on junk food will decline the purchasing and the number of sick people. However, there is another way to keep people healthy and aware of their health.

Fast food is widespread in all the world. A large number of children and adults like to consume it, because the taste is delicious and readily available. As it ubiquitous, people are easily to purchase it. Meanwhile, many people are getting sick because of their poor diet. Fast food as it is called, is lack of nutrition and has a lot of addictive substances. The more they eat, the more destructive substances are accumulated in their body which can cause obesity, cholesterol and even cancer.

Governments are responsible for these issues. One of the method is encumbering the fast food a higher tax. Every time people purchasing this food, they have to pay a lot of money. This might be decreasing the purchasing of junk food. Another way to reduce the number of sick people is governments set a campaign to educate people about healthy food and healthy life to abandon their poor diet.

In conclusion, some people merely stop to buy junk food because they have to pay more money. If they have more money, they will purchase it again. While a higher tax seems to reduce a slightly purchasing, I believe people who well-educated on healthy life is more effective to decline the health problems.
M3L1   
Nov 27, 2015
Writing Feedback / The level of customer satisfaction with the job accomplishment on airlines in the US - IELTS task 1 [NEW]

The customer contentment level of airlines and aspects of air travel in the US in 1999, 2000 and 2007 are depicted on the bar chart and table. The figures show that the highest and the lowest satisfaction level are experienced in 2007. While the most satisfaction aspect is the courtesy of flight attendants, the uncomfortable seats are the cause of people disappointment.

It is evidence that people's contentment on the accomplishment of the job of nation's major airlines is happened in 2007. The percentage is almost third four of the total. It is because the courtesy of flight attendants in that year increased by 2%. All of the other aspects also show the increment and peak at the end of the time frame. It can be seen that the satisfaction increase gradually from 1999 to 2007.

On the other hand, people who dissatisfied become lesser. At first, people are unhappy about the uncomfortable seats, pointed at 32%. Ever since, the quality of the seats continuously regenerated. Eight years later, the proportion of unhappy customer is significantly decrease to 24%.






M3L1   
Nov 27, 2015
Writing Feedback / The chart presents the satisfaction levels of married and unmarried Americans - IELTS 1 [NEW]

The charts present the satisfaction levels of married and unmarried people in the US and the influence of the children's presence in married couples. It can be seen that while married people are more happiness than unmarried ones in all of the age groups, the satisfaction of married couples who have children under 18 years shows the highest proportion.

The most satisfied married people are experienced by 18-29 of age group; however, all of age groups depict almost the same proportion. The figure reveal that unmarried people feel less happy in the three different age groups, in 18 to 64 years old in the age scale. On the other hand, single people aged 65 and older feel happier than the three younger age groups. It shows an upward trend, depicting at 34% of the satisfaction level, the highest among them.

People who get married, also have their contentment factors. One of the factor is having children. Those who have children under 18 years old feel more satisfied than the other two groups. Even though the couples who have no children and have children above 18 years old also experienced almost the same level as the ones who have children under 18, every proportion is solely having 1% to 2% difference.




M3L1   
Nov 24, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2 - Government should spend the fundings to education and healthcare [NEW]

All education and healthcare should be funded by government and free for everyone. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some people argue that governments should allocate the funding in education and healthcare services free for citizens. I believe that governments have the responsibility to insure the public welfare in these two sectors; however, there are other fields that should be evaluated to establish the prosperity for all the society.

In decades, governments have collected taxes from their citizens. This fund, can be used to develop infrastructures to facilitate the society. To achieve prosperity for citizens, some argue that governments should allocate fully funding in education and healthcare. These two fields, are important and very demanded. Children need to be educated, and the older people need to be healed. It is thus clear that governments should guarantee free services on these two sectors since it determines people's quality of life.

On the other hand, to have fair welfare for all of the citizen, there are other sectors that should not be neglected by the governments. For example, the road, public transports and agriculture. The roads have to be maintained to prevent from destruction. A great number of people need to use public transportation to go to work and school because the car is very expensive and has more emission while the public transport is cheaper and has less pollution. Governments also need to spend the fund to agriculture because the foods are produced from there.

To sum up, I agree that governments have the liability to ensure the public welfare. While education and health services are very important to be funded, other areas should be noticed as important as them.
M3L1   
Nov 23, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2 - The benefits and drawbacks for people starting their own business [2]

Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organization. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people like to build their own industry rather than to work in a company or organisation. They determine to start a business because they have new ideas and inventions to develop as well as monetary assets to achieve. I argue that the benefits of people starting their business outweigh the drawbacks.

In order to manufacture their own product and to fulfill the demands of the market, some people choose to establish a company. There are some benefits for people who work for their own business. First, the company will be more creative to invent more fashionable products, such as a thinner smartphone, a lighter and faster tab, etc. They also will get their own trademark. A good promotion can raise their selling and their brand will be recognized by their competitors and consumers. The more costumers know about the products and like them, there will be more trading and the brand will be more famous.

However, there are some problems to be noticed. To introduce their product, new entrepreneurs have to spend more money to advertise it. If the advertisements are uninteresting, the customers will be unwilling to buy the products. The other common problem is that the products are not distributed extensively which mean plenty of the costumers cannot buy the products in their area.

To sum up, I believe that the benefits for people starting a business outweigh the drawbacks. People who establish their own business will get challenges to be solved, but the opportunities to obtain the benefits are greater.
M3L1   
Nov 20, 2015
Writing Feedback / The Fairmont Island has four benefits: local inhabitants, scenery, the culture and accommodation [3]

IELTS task 1 - The benefits and the drawbacks of visiting Fairmont Island

The benefits and drawbacks of Fairmont Island are depicted in the pie charts. According to the visitors, the highest plus point for Fairmont is its people while the most problematic one is the high cost of living. It can be seen that tourists are interesting about the local residents and the scenery of the island, on the other hand they claimed to dislike about the unreasonable living cost.

The Fairmont Island has four benefits. The tourists enjoy to interacting with the local inhabitants the most, it rates at 40%. In addition, the scenery also has a good impression for the visitors, depicting at 37% of the total. Ultimately, the culture and accommodation have almost the same figure, one percent quarrel of both ratio.

On the other hand, there are also four main drawbacks that cause visitors unwillingly to come. The highest problem is the cost of living, just under half of the total. The entertainment, furthermore, is the second highest factor for tourists to visit representing at nearly a third. Interestingly, the weather and the food quality factors place in the third and the last, at 20% and 5% successively.




M3L1   
Nov 19, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1 - The power that generated by wind turbine is depended on its location [2]

The diagrams display the plan for wind turbines and its location. It seems that its location determines the amount of power which generated by the wind. Overall, the turbine installed on the hill of the coast has the optimum location rather than one on the horizontal landscape.

The domestic turbines which installed on the higher position of the shore have a maximum wind strengths. There are several turbines which are smaller than on the landscape location. The wind on this location blow very intensively and the landscape not spoiled it. It can rotate the blade continuously and generate 100 kilowatts power.

However, on the landscape location is solely one big turbine. Its tower is made of steel and the blades are made of fiberglass or wood. The wind sensor is installed in the turbine in order to detect wind speed and directions. It also assembled by a generator that can produce 1.5 megawatts power which is greater than domestic turbines on the coast. The wind was spoiled by the landscape itself, although the turbine can generate a big amount of power but the wind is weaker than on the hill.




M3L1   
Nov 17, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2 - Media like to expose famous people activities [3]

The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead.

To what extend do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


Nowadays, the press always reports the famous people activities and their love lives. Plenty of readers and observers evaluate that media should inform more about average people than celebrities. I argue that report more on ordinary people are more valuable than celebrities' lives.

A wide range of inspired stories come from ordinary people's lives. A lot of people who do many big positive things to others remain anonymous. For example, a girl from America named Shirley, who only have legs graduated from her school with satisfying grade. Her dream is becoming a pilot. She is now the only disable woman pilot that can fly the aircraft and have her flight license. She inspired children in her surroundings to study and achieve their dreams to become a valuable person. This kind of story is more worthwhile to persuade people to do something useful.

However, almost all media recently put actors and a large number of famous people's rumors to be their headline news. Their lives and relationships are exposed in the magazines, the internet and the television, that cause negative and positive effects on them. These forced celebrities not to have a normal living and privacy. On the other hand, media is the best advertise to enhanced actors' name. With a lot of news about famous people lives, audiences think that it just used to raise popularity.

To conclude, I agree that the press should inform more about ordinary people especially when their life affected on society. This can inspire people to do more valuable behaviour and to affect others to do the same thing.
M3L1   
Nov 14, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1 - enrolled educator for regularly job in Ontario [5]

The graph displays the percentage of English and French languages enrolled educators in Ontario from 2001 to 2007. The figures show that at the beginning of period, both languages teachers stood at nearly the same rate at 70% and the calculation has different result at the end of time frame. Overall, the French tutors have increased steadily while the English figured fall dramatically.

English rate is apparently only has a peak at 2001. It has a slightly higher than French in the beginning of the period. On the next year, both has decreased significantly about 18%. Put them in order 58% and 52%. While the French rose by 17% in 2003, English rate fell again to 40%.

Between 2003 to 2005, both experienced gradually increment. However, French teachers are slightly decreased in 2006 and rose again to the peak at 73% in 2007. On the other hand, English proportion has fell to 27% in these two periods of time.




M3L1   
Nov 12, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2 - Parents and Schools are responsible for children's unhealty lifestyle [2]

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem.

To what extend do you agree with this statement?

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Recently, many adolescents have a harmful way of living. Many people consider that education institutions and parents have to involved to find solution for their children. I believe that family reconciling and school's guidance can helped children to have nicer behaviour and altered their lifestyle.

In a few decade, it can be seen that many teenagers had been consumed drugs and entangled in many criminals, such as looted, demeaned and bullied among peers. They dressed up like a gangster member who said bad words and behaved like a thug. They sometimes had drag races in the street that caused accidents and infringements. In addition, children are often experienced violence in their own family, especially from their parents by words or physical. These kind of treats caused children to performed rebellion against their parents. Therefore, parents should treated them as someone important and loved one. Reconciliation is one of the way to healed children's emotions.

However, education institutions also have a big role to developed a good manner and demeanor. There are some subjects that can be taught to students. For example, character building, ethics, and religion. Sometimes these subjects ineffective because the teaching method are bored. Teachers should used an emotional approaching to each student. This can help adolescents to established a strong positive self confidence to create a good value and have a bright future. Furthermore, students with good characters and manners will have many friends and chances to be an achievement student.

To conclude, I agree that parents and schools have the responsibility to help children get a healthy behaviour. Reconciliation among family and a better emotional approached can help them to altered it.
M3L1   
Nov 10, 2015
Writing Feedback / The percentage of inconvenience people who live in other countries, categorized in troubles and ages [2]

ielts task 1 - integration problems for people living abroad

The charts displays the percentage of inconvenience people who live in other countries, categorized in troubles and ages.

The highest trouble for young adult aged 18 to 34 is chumming, 46 percent of people in this category experienced it. Nevertheless, there are only 36 percent of people aged 35 to 54 who detected to have difficulties of making friend, while for people aged above 55 years old have the less problem of all.

In learning the local language category, 54 percent of the elderly have this problem. In contrast, the youngest age group find it easier to learn the local language, and rate at 29 percent of this problem. Contradiction to the language-learning category, oldest people has the least problem in finding lodging, it is only 22 percent. However, for the other two age group of people, this is the important problem. Rating in 39 to 40 percent of each group finding it is hard to accommodate themselves.

Overall, all people have experience problems to some extent, but the oldest people have the highest percentage in learning local language category than the others.




M3L1   
Nov 10, 2015
Writing Feedback / The Changes of Woodwards University's Map from 1985 until now [2]

Hello Miss Devi, I like the way you write the essay. It is difficult for me to give some corrections, but I want to give you some suggestion here. Enjoy your day!

It can be seen that the transformation of some buildings taken place with open-space.

... bus terminal and there hadwas no car park anymore.The small car park reformedwas altered to be the lecture theatre between ...
In addition to this, it switched from the road in 1980 was changed into the shuttle bus line which ...
M3L1   
Nov 9, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1- People who get arrested in during five years [NEW]

The two diagrams display the percentages of males and females that put in jail during five years due violations in society that end in 1994. There can be seen that in bar chart, females has almost equal percentages to performed violations compare to males, but the pie chart showed that males were detained more than females.

There are five main reasons for people to execute abominable actions. The first and the highest percentages is the public drinking, dominated by women in 38%. The second highest infringement that women's has done is assaulting, the number is nearly 20%. However, in the drive drinking violating, men took the most contributor to this deed in 27%.

At last, breach of order and theft violations are more accomplished by men. Taking rate of 18% in breach of order and 16% in the theft cases. Females has less average rate than males in these two reasons. Overall, it can be seen that all of the reasons can caused people to jail, but based on these calculation men got arrest more than women.




M3L1   
Nov 9, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1 - the funding and spending activities of USA charity in a year [2]

These two pie charts compare the income fund and spending activities of USA charity in a year. In general, the first chart shows that the highest revenue is denoted by donated foods while the largest percentages of expenses allocated in program services.

In a year, people in USA contributed most in charity by donated food, it take rates of 86.6%. The other sponsorship is from community contribution which take the second highest rate in 10.4%. Program revenue has assembled fund in about 2.2%, while investment income, government grants and other income indicators only collect a little amount of money less than one percent.

USA used most of the sources to financed the program services, it cost 95.8% in total expenses. To gain more revenue, they did fundraising program which used 2.6% of the money. Finally the expended to management and general activities just solely used the less fund. Overall, the sum of income has gained profit in about $336,684 depleted by the expenditures.




M3L1   
Nov 9, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2 - Investor are less importance than doctors [2]

Investors are not as important to society as doctors. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

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Many people think that investors are not very essential to needs different from doctors. I believe investors five many benefits to people as much as doctors.

In developing countries, investors have a major role in country developments. For example, they contribute to establish many infrastructures for citizens and build a lot of industrial factories in order to create a great job vacancies to employ local communities. These can help people to increase their standard of living. In addition, investors also give lessons to everyone who work with them. In many cases, people learned to manage their tasks, organized the job with some colleagues, and how to worked efficiently. Some people who have learned a lot to manage their job, usually have an opportunity to get promote. Developing countries will have a good increment in their human resources if many investors invest in their countries.

However, doctors are also have important roles. In such countries, people are lack awareness of healthy. They have bad habits to compound food with chemicals, which cause many health issues to other people. Doctors have to neutralize the impact from that harmful foods and they have to give educations to producers to not using dangerous substances to the foods they produce. In traditional market, the fishes and chickens had been injected with a dire substances, like formalin. Pregnant women also consumed these unhealthy foods which caused detrimental effect to their babies, such as mental disorder, physical handicap and death.

To conclude, I argue that investors has less importance to society than doctors. It is because there are many benefits that people can get from investors, especially in country development and to increase their standard of living.
M3L1   
Nov 9, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : The Presence of Pupils Which School in Secondary School in Different Three Years [3]

Hi Miss Devi, I would give you some suggestions. Hope it helps you...

Firstly, I find out that your essay words are less than 150 words. Maybe you can add more specific facts that essential to discuss.
Secondly, I will mark some words which not suitable.

A table gives information about the presence of pupils which school (who enrolled) in Secondary School over (in) the following different three years in four different schoolS types , such as specialist schools ...

Community schools saw an enormous rise of (by) 32% in 2005, afterwards it found ...
M3L1   
Nov 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / The quantity of students which join in the Secondary School, in three different years [3]

This table displayed the quantity of students which join in the Secondary School, in three different years. Overall, there are essential changes in calculation of each school.

It is evidence that in Specialist Schools, the percentage of student's presence are slightly decrease of from year 2000 to 2009. In the Grammar Schools, the percentage fall significantly, by the end of the year it is just a half than the first year. In Voluntary-controlled Schools can be seen that the number of declining is very extreme, it has decreasing by 14% in 2005, and has fell 18% more in the last year.

However, in Community Schools, the attendances percentage have an amuse increment. In the second year, it has rose more than twice as the first one. The most important thing is that Community School has the highest percentage in the very end of the year compare to all schools in the same time.




M3L1   
Nov 5, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1 - Woodward University Map [3]

The maps show the changed of Woodwards University spatial during 1985 until now. Overall, it can be seen that the university has altered most of the layout at present, demolished some establishments and replaced them with some others regarding to the necessity, much different from 1985's.

On the north west, there was a library and IT center which has been moderate expanded to the south compared to the old one. Follow the footpath, they built Science Laboratories and Lecture Theater on the north east. In contrast, on the 1985's map showed, there were physics block and chemistry block following the biology block and small car park at the same position.

However, on the south west, the bigger car park had been changed into shuttle bus terminal, which used less space than car park. On the south east, admin building was reconstructed a slightly above the past, it reduced in the length but expanded in the width. That position left a lot of open space in front of it. The road had gone, it has been changed into footpaths, which designed directed to buildings.




M3L1   
Nov 5, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2 - People can be happy if they have an enjoyment job [5]

Some people say that in order to be happy, you must have a job you love doing. Others say that other factors are more important.

Do you think that people can only be happy if they have a job they really enjoy?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In order to be happy, some people believe that they have to do something they like most, those also say that many other essential things can cause happiness. I believe both of the opinions affect to people's happiness in work and in many aspects of their lives.

Someone who works something that they do not like, or incapable to do tasks which not their capability, will cause stressful and lowering their desire to work. Certainly, a man who loves and enjoys his job, will make an upward progress to success. These will affect to his happiness level. He will be more satisfied, enthusiasm and willing to do another tasks.

Despite that, environments, situations, and colleagues also make an important effect to people's happiness. To illustrate, a magazine writer need a conducive place to write his project while the situation surrounds him is his colleagues chattering in a loud sound. In this case, he cannot do the job well and bring about confusing and delay. He will never feel happy to work in such situation.

However, happiness is not only about a job, there are a lot of things that people can do to be happy. For example, a lonely man can be happy by having a friend or a lover. Another people will feel happy if they can get what they dream of, it can be things, vacations, a tender or someone. But those things, are making people happy just in a particular time. They have to be thankful for everything they had, to make their happiness last longer.

To sum up, indeed have an enjoyment job is making people happy, but another essential factors such as places, circumstances, friends and grateful also make a critical reason for people to be happy.
M3L1   
Nov 5, 2015
Writing Feedback / 'Moth is an insect which has a close relation to butterflies' - silkworm life cycle (IELTS task) [2]

Moth is an insect which has a close relation to butterflies, and both are subpart in Lepidoptera Ordination. The metamorphosis stage that displayed in the diagram, shows the cycle process of the silkworm, the offspring of a moth. Overall, a silkworm become a moth in four steps of stage which approximately 76 days or about 11 weeks.

At first, a mother moth lays eggs on the mulberry leaf. Then, those eggs hatch within 10 days. Following that, the silkworm larvas which has hatched, feed themselves with the leaves where they are laid. The larvas which live on that mulberry tree, stayed there for about four to six weeks while keep eating leaves until they capable to make silk threads. Moreover, they make silk threads for about three to eight days, before it could wrapped them. Finally, the cocoon protect the larvas in their pupal stage in approximately 16 days, before it changes into a moth which can fly and continually repeat the metamorphosis all over again.




M3L1   
Nov 4, 2015
Writing Feedback / The Detrimental Effect of Modern Communication to Social Live brings also some positive values IELTS [4]

Modern forms of communication such as email and messaging have reduce the amount of time people spend seing their friends. This has had a negative effect on their social lives.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?


In a sophisticated modern world today, people used advance devices and forms to communicate. Despite of the evidence that it has declined the amount of time to meet each other, this lifestyle has influenced their social lives. Although this advance communication technology brings a dire effect of their social relations, it makes people's life more simple.

A long time before communication media increase significantly, people had a close relation with their friends and neighbors. They usually came to their friends' house to play or doing things together. There were a telephone line too, but they just used it for a short conversation, commonly to arrange a meeting or gathering. For someone in distances, they sent a letter to had conversations or gave informations. Apparently, sometimes the letter did not arrive in time because of a bad weather or gone. These cause delayed and missed communication between them.

However, the invention of emails and social messaging makes life easier. By social applications that are available now, such as WhatsApp, Blackberry Messenger and Facebook, people can keep in touch with their friends anywhere and anytime. They also can have a visual conversation which can see the opponent, using a front camera in their gadget or laptop. The negative effects of these, many users are more concerned to their devices than their society. They neglected the people surround them without paying attention on their needs, for example their family and neighbors. When someone too focus on smartphone, he regardless cannot aware on his environment.

To conclude, indeed these high technology of communication forms have a detrimental effect to people's social lives, but it gave a lot of benefits to people's live.
M3L1   
Nov 3, 2015
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2 : The advantages and disadvantages of living in a small community [2]

In the past, most people lived in small villages where everyone knew everyone else. Nowadays, most people live in large cities where they only know a few people in their area.

What do you think were the advantages and disadvantages of living in a small community?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.


Many populations which stayed in small villages in the previous time knew each other. Contrary to the large cities these days, they only knew a small number of neighbors. In my opinion, the benefits that can be obtained in a small community outweigh the drawbacks.

There are several reasons why living in a small community gain a lot of advantages. Firstly, people in the rural area has a good relationship to each other, they help and build the village together without paid, including constructs their homes, church, hospital and schools. Secondly, they often doing exercise and many of their jobs using muscle power, which cause body building and healthier mind. In addition, the communities cohesively maintain their culture from one generation to the next. These not the only one, many parents inheritance their businesses, fields and ranches to their children, where the existence of their manufacture continuously.

Moreover, the street is not busy which means the transportation they used is more friendly to environments. Also, the agriculture business contribute a great effects to fresh air. Furthermore, every substances that are produced by animals and human being, are functioned for fertilization which very useful for agricultural.

However, the negative side to live in small villages is that everyone should do their tasks with their own effort. To begin, many workers exhausted and got accidents during work, because they lack of equipment and machines. The time of construction is longer than if they used engines and advanced technology tools. In addition, inhabitants in the rural area are insufficiency of knowledge which cause them underdevelopment skill.

To conclude, despite the fact that there are adequately negative effects, I believe
the advantages to live in small villages are greater than the disadvantages. Thus, the residents should increase their cognizance of learning new skills.
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